


MASTER OF THE REVELS

by hgdoghouse



Category: Facelift, The Professionals
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Science Fiction & Fantasy, magician
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-23
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-02 09:52:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 32
Words: 181,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/367699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hgdoghouse/pseuds/hgdoghouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I understand 'authorised' copies of the zine of <i>Master of the Revels</i> are being sold. Given that no one has ever had the courtesy to contact me on the subject I'm at a loss to understand who took it upon themselves to authorise this.</p><p>The text for that production is obsolete.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [For Sebastian and ET who started the ball rolling](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=For+Sebastian+and+ET+who+started+the+ball+rolling).



> I understand 'authorised' copies of the zine of _Master of the Revels_ are being sold. Given that no one has ever had the courtesy to contact me on the subject I'm at a loss to understand who took it upon themselves to authorise this.
> 
> The text for that production is obsolete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After re-typing this sucker followed by more edits than I can remember, I dread to think how many typos/inconsistencies I might have missed. If you spot something amiss I'd be eternally grateful if you'd let me know so I can correct it.

ONE

Bob eased through the small crowd clustered at the door. 'What's all the excitement about?'

Aware that the living-quarters were out of bounds, the tumblers and stage-hands melted away.

'Ina's found that automaton Zax has been working on,' said Anike, without expression.

'We all knew it could only be a matter of time.” Bob grimaced when a muffled stream of shrill invective ended with the sound of glass shattering.

'I wish she'd stop aiming for the mirror,' sighed Eddy. 'Glass is murder to get hold of. Still, I suppose it's cheaper than trying to replace Zax.'

'I sometimes wonder if he goads her deliberately, in the hope she'll leave,' said Anike.

'She'll never go. He's stuck with her - unless he's prepared to throw her out.' Taruna's silvery voice was unusually sharp. 'I don't think he has it in him to do that.'

'None of you like Ina.' Sade was afraid that none of them, not even Eddy, liked her either.

'With good cause.' Monica's expression softened when she recognised the fear imperfectly camouflaged by the bluster. 'You've only been with us two months. Don't be so quick to judge until you know us better.'

'Who says I'll want to?' said Sade, bristling.

'Ease up, girl,' murmured Eddy. Not for the first time he wished he hadn't spotted Sade's unconscious body in the refuse outside the theatre. 'The same goes for the rest of you. Whatever's happenin' in there isn't our business. Zax goes his own way.'

'If the Numbers hear about his automaton we'll be going with him, straight to the dissection labs. Zax must be sex-obsessed,' snapped Sade.

Anike turned to give her a considering stare from under her exuberant froth of white-blonde hair. 'The Numbers never leave the Centre and the Regulators are wary of raiding the theatre in case they spark a riot. No one but us has access to Zax's dressing-room. The only way the Numbers will find out what he's doing is if someone informs on him.'

Sade was aware that she had become the focus of everyone's attention. 'I'm no informer!'

'I'm glad to hear it. Not least for your sake,' said Anike, chillingly matter-of-fact.

'Sade has a point though,' chipped in Monica. 'Why would anyone work so hard to create automatons when they can have human warmth?'

Eddy gave her a quick hug. 'That's a question only Zax can answer. If no one feels like asking him, I suggest we move away from his door before he catches us eavesdropping.'

The corridor cleared in seconds.

 

Philosophical about the loss of his new mirror, Zax tuned out Ina's latest accusations with the ease of long practice and focussed on the delicate task of connecting artificial synapses he could only sense, not see.

'...the best years of my life and you don't even care!'

He grunted a response which only a optimist would have taken as a sign he was listening.

'You're an emotional cripple, as dead as that damn replica!'

'I warned you when we met,' Zax pointed out wearily. He ducked the box of face paints hurled at him. Glittering, multi-coloured powder hazed the air until he flicked it from sight. He sneezed, gave a lush sniff, shook his hair from his eyes and went back to work.

In a volatile mood swing, Ina crouched beside him, caressing his thigh. 'What is it, sweetheart? I know something's the matter. What we had was wonderful. We were everything to one another.'

The quizzical glance he spared her goaded her to further violence and she snatched up the first object within reach on his workbench.

Zax caught hold of her upraised arm. 'Don't,' he said softly. 'Don't ever touch my work.'

'You're...you're _hurting_ me.' Excitement coloured her voice. It was not the strength of his grip which roused Ina, but something darker, only hinted at in his voice, a passion she had never suspected he possessed because it had never been for her.

'Only a little.' Zax read the direction of her thoughts with an ease she still thought of as supernatural. 'If that's what you want you'll have to go elsewhere for it. I don't play those kind of games.'

'Not with flesh and blood people, you don't! What games d'you have planned for your mechanical toy?' The longing to rend the perfect plastiskin of her unsexed rival was so acute Ina could almost taste it.

'It will feel whatever I want it to feel.'

'Pervert! What can it give you that I can't? Tell me! I have a right to know,' she insisted feverishly, clutching at him with hot, dry hands.

Her spittle wet on his face, stifled by her possessiveness, Zax told the unvarnished truth. 'Unlike you, it will accept me for what I am. It will give me space - and peace.' As he turned away her clenched fist thudded over his kidney. His face tightening with pain, he made no attempt to retaliate. 

'One day you'll drive me too far! Isn't it enough that I've sacrificed my career for you? Must you suck the soul from my body?' The bored distaste Ina glimpsed on his bearded face drove her to new heights. 'I'm warning you, don't push me too far. And get rid of _that_!' She gave the shrouded figure of the automaton a glare of loathing.

Zax fought against despair, a lifetime of similar draining scenes stretching out in front of him. His greatest fear was that one day she would goad him to an answering violence. But not today, he comforted himself, drawing a lighted cigarette from the air.

'You smoke too much,' Ina scolded, in another abrupt change of mood. 'And look at the state of this dressing-room. If you would only capitalize on your skills we could live in comfort instead of squalor.'

'If money's what you want, take it all.'

'I'm not interested in money!'

'Then what is it you want from me?' Afraid he already knew the answer, Zax had never dared ask before.

Her face lit up, softening the lines of discontent. 'For you to be mine. For us to be together.'

'We live together, we work together, we sleep together, we bloody near piss together! We're so close you suck the breath from my lungs. What more is there?' Zax flicked his cigarette from sight.

When she moved into his personal space it was less an invasion than a failure to recognise it was there. Zax fought the urge to run and never stop until he was free of her. But he had too many people relying on him for food and shelter, not least Ina herself, and he wouldn't throw anyone back into the Maze. He knew the fault must be his for raising expectations he had no hope of meeting - there was no such thing as uncomplicated sex with Ina. He hadn't recognised the danger until the cage of her devotion had closed around him.

'You're always in some place I can't reach. I need more,' cried Ina, her face scrunched with frustration.

Patience expended, Zax parted his beautiful hands in a gesture eloquent of helplessness. 'I give you all I have.'

'You mean you give what's left after you've played with your precious toys! Well play with _this_!'

Zax had already turned away when she snatched up one of his throwing knives and thrust it into his side.

The pain was so intense and so unexpected that he could not make sense of what had happened at first but his convulsing body knew. His knees buckling, blood welled thickly between the fingers he pressed to the site of the pain as he fell across his workbench, dragging away the sheet protecting the open chest cavity of the automaton. His life's blood dripped onto the microcircuitry.

Through the roar in his ears he heard Ina cross the bare floorboards, her footsteps deliberate and unhurried. A door slammed, then he had the solitude he had longed for. Only now it would be the death of him. He tried to call for help but only a gasp emerged.

The plastiskin eyelids of the blank-faced automaton rose to reveal empty eye sockets as dark and as deep as a well.

Caught in that nightmare gaze, Zax made a gesture of repudiation. The movement toppled him from workbench to floor, sucking consciousness farther from his reach. Quivering with pain, he stared up at the ceiling. 

Beside him, his creation blinked twice more, then was still.


	2. Chapter 2

TWO

Galen pushed himself up in his chair. 'You want me to do _what_?'

The Controller gave a long-suffering sigh. 'You are expected at the Centre twenty days from now. It is a simple service contract, no more. Tedious, I concede, but be careful. For all his tendency to philosophise without encouragement, Bruce is as sophisticated as Edgar in Sector J.'

Galen's brooding blue gaze contained unconcealed scepticism. 'Simple, huh? Then why not send one of the new intake? They could use the experience.'

'Undoubtedly. However, there have been reports that Bruce is displaying signs of - er - abnormality.'

'How can a computer show...? Maybe it isn't a job for a beginner,' Galen conceded, intrigued.

'There is one other task you can perform while you are there. Discreetly.'

Galen's watchful eyes were smiling by this time. 'What do I have to do? I can tell I'm not going to like it.'

'There is someone we want you to bring back with you. This man may be of considerable help to - '

' - our merry band of revolutionaries?' Galen grinned at the sound of impatience his provocation elicited.

'This passion for affixing labels must stem from your time amongst the Numbers.'

The insult effectively deprived Galen of breath and he sat scowling at nothing in particular.

The Controller did not attempt to break the silence. Finding Names capable of gaining access to Centres had never been easy. A lack of physical deformity was hard enough to find, let alone a brain that had not been stunted by generations of poor nutrition and lack of stimulation, or warped by inbreeding. Galen was the product of an illicit coupling between Number and Name. While considered a genetic disaster by his father, the birth had been permitted to take place. When his mother died in labour, Galen had been taken in by a Name living in the Maze. He had enjoyed a decade of security, until the Regulators had killed his foster mother in one of their purges. Since that time Galen's emotions had possessed a beautiful simplicity - he liked to kill Regulators. It was an impulse they still had difficulty in curbing in him. He had come to them more than seventeen years ago, at the age of thirteen; a half-feral child of the urban jungle, he had learnt to survive the hardest way there is, alone. But he had shown a promise above his years, so they had fed his starved mind as well as his louse-ridden body. Half-Name, half-Number, he was the best of both. The veneer he presented to the world made him welcome within Centres, even in the West, where blond perfection was the usual requirement for acceptance.

' - haven't fallen asleep on me, I hope?' said Galen.

'Will you take the contract?'

'Why not? The Island's a tricky place to smuggle out anything. Who is it this time?' Weeks in the company of a stranger could seem like a lifetime.

'We have a tape for you to watch. The man we want you to bring back is the magician.'

Galen's jaw slackened. 'A what?'

'The magician, Zax.'

Galen's amusement was cut short only when he realised the Controller was serious.

 

The grim reality of Galen's life had left no room for fantasy, so he had no experience with which he could compare his reaction to the tape he had just watched.

He was hardly aware of returning to the Exterior, or of making the climb up to his house under the light of the full moon. Rather than the silver-lit river, or the steep, winding track, he still saw the vivid colours from the show and the expressive, flawed face of the conjurer, who had dominated the stage so effortlessly, displaying the assurance of a man who knew his own worth.

The first things which had caught Galen's attention had been the exotic sensuality of the painted warlock's face and the grace of the supple, half-bared body. While initially contemptuous of the childish tricks devised to amaze the credulous, despite his scepticism he had been sucked in, becoming part of the lumpish rabble that Zax wove into a single adoring entity. While he remained on stage there had been the promise of the unexpected, a whiff of the dangerous.

His senses awash with what he had seen, Galen approached his house with something like dread. Cavernous, dark and empty of everything but the basic necessities, it made a cruel contrast to the vibrant warmth offered by the conjuror. Watching Zax had left him aching for sex. He had avoided making any of the usual commercial transactions in the Maze. If he could not find a partner who wanted him for his own sake, he would make do with his right hand. At least that was a familiar comfort, he thought, bitterly aware of what was missing from his life.

Legs splayed out, his back against a bank of pillows as he lay on his achingly empty bed, Galen closed his eyes. He could still see the slow, bewitching smile which had warmed the chill of Zax's sea-deep eyes; he was willing to swear he could feel that delectable mouth open to take in the head of his prick.

But fantasy could provide only a tantalising hint of what he really wanted. The hunger for a willing flesh-and-blood lover was an ache which did not fade with his lust. 

Galen reminded himself that wanting something was no guarantee of anything but frustration. 

The silence of the house closing in on him, he lay awake until just before dawn. In his mind's eye he still saw Zax's vivid face, those wide, endlessly ambiguous eyes staring out at him.


	3. Chapter 3

THREE

Bob had been slumped on a chair, his feet propped against the wall, when Anike burst in; paint stark against her skin, she was incoherent with grief. It took him a moment to make sense of her babbling. When he did, he raced back to the stage, pushing through the huddled mass of Names, until he stopped dead.

' _No_...' Horror on his face, he slowly approached the crumpled figure. 'How...?' 

His fingers gentle against the battered, still-warm skin, his question faded. What did it matter? The magic had died, leaving tawdry ghosts in a dirty hall and the echo of a rippling music beat. 

A flurry of soft sounds told him the stage was emptying. 

Two Names, rapt regulars of the front row, remained to tell him how it had happened. Zax, who could cup an audience in the warm hollow of his hand, faltering before them to end like this. But as the disorganised explanation continued, Bob realised who must have been behind the attack. He looked beyond the Names to where Ina stood in the wings.

'Bitch!' There was no pity in him for the tortured-eyed creature who wore a strange, twisted smile. 'You drained him of everything else, couldn't you leave him his life?'

Her voice drifted over to him, vibrating with suppressed emotion. 'It was meant for a trick, nothing more. To show him there's more than one magician in the world. Bevis was to teach Zax that he's - that he was -no one's Messiah.' While tears streaked her make-up, her eyes held the fervour of a fanatic. 

'It wasn't supposed to be like this,' Ina added in an eerie whisper. Then she began to wail, the sound escalating until one of the stage-hands led her away.

Bob's attention returned to the body at his feet. Was that what Zax had believed? He would have said not, but what did he really know of him, waking one day to find himself a part of _Zax's Theatre of Glamour and Magic_ , held there by nothing more than the enigma that was Zax and his own determination to solve the puzzle.

Zax had been the supreme showman, adjusting performances to the needs of his audience because he could read their mood so well. It seemed inconceivable that he could have been destroyed by a force which had attacked him before he had recognised the danger. But why should he have been wary? Who would expect attack to come from one of their own? Their only threat came from the periodic raids by the Regulators. 

Despite his dangerous reputation, Ina had hired Bevis the Illusionist to teach Zax a lesson. He'd done that all right, thought Bob numbly. Bevis' illusion of that bleeding automaton had brought about mob violence and murder.

Bob clamped down on the grief which threatened to overwhelm him. For all Zax's ugly end there was a serenity to his close-lidded face which Bob had never seen before, the conjurer's arts stilled, at peace. 

No, more than a conjuror, for there had been a power which he did not think even Zax had fully understood. Beneath all the tricks, electronic gadgetry and sleight of hand had been something else, usually only hinted at.

Now he had heard the garbled explanations and seen the child-like grief of those who, only moments before, had been joined in the blood-lust for death, Bob thought that perhaps the Numbers were right to fear the Names. The life of an entertainer was a heady one. He, just as much as Zax, had played on the volatile emotions of the Names. Tonight the audience had been the same but their response had been horrifically different.

'I'm gonna miss you,' Bob whispered, his hand gentle against Zax's bruised face. He cupped the strong neck in parting, only to freeze when he felt the faint flicker of a pulse. He swallowed the instinct to call for assistance. 

Inconsistent and unpredictable, how would the Names receive their fallen idol now they knew he bled like any other man? Better to make a show of burying Zax, resurrection could come later, in private.

Filled with new purpose, Bob patted a blood-smeared shoulder. 'Don't you dare stir,' he commanded the unconscious man.

He called the stage-hands together and ordered a bier to be prepared. The funeral must be over before the Regulators got word of what had happened. This was one body that must not end up in the gene pool.

oOo

Bob completed his routine, the others ran on stage and the lights dimmed to be followed by desultory applause. Tonight, like all the nights since the attack on Zax, there had been no spark between performers and audience, only relief that a duty had been done.

The show must limp on.

It was hard not to hate those who had attacked Zax - the man they had supposedly loved. A timely, if over-emphatic, reminder of how fickle an audience could be.

When the auditorium was empty and the final light dimmed, Bob drifted back on stage to stare out over the empty rows of seats, remembering how it used to be. Backstage noises seemed inordinately loud because there were no warm bursts of chatter, no recriminations over a beat missed, or squabbles about who had used the last of the hot water. 

From the music pit came a rasping scratch, followed by a flare of light. It was Eddy, with his inevitable cigarette. One-handed, the musician played a familiar, catchy burst of music.

' _My name is Zax - '_

The contrast between what had been and what was made Bob close his eyes, the remnants of his life-giving fervour close to extinction. He could - had - tended to Zax's broken body, and the healing process was well under way, but what of his mind? He had come to dread the times when he must return to Zax's side because he was afraid what he might find when he got there.

How did you compel a man to live when he so clearly wanted oblivion? He had not told the others that Zax had survived; until he could be certain Zax _would_ live he refused to put them in danger by telling the truth.

What they did then... Bob shied away from the terror which threatened to suffocate him; he had no idea what they could do, the future bleakly uncertain.

Little by little he became aware that even the echo of the music had faded away. He looked up to find Eddy standing beside him.

'It's not the same, is it?' said Eddy mournfully.

'Not remotely.'

'Me and the girls are thinking of moving on at the end of the week.'

'No!' Bob swung around in a flurry of plaits to catch Eddy's arm. His expression changed when he met Eddy's mournful expression. According to Taruna, Eddy had made no music outside their performances since he had seen Zax kicked to death in front of his eyes. From the look of him he had forgotten what a good night's sleep felt like.

His preoccupation with keeping the news of Zax's survival from authorities and audience alike had blinkered Bob to the reactions of his friends. Only now did he recognise the extent of Eddy's undramatic grief. To lose Eddy and his girls was unthinkable, they, as he, taken in from the streets by chance encounter, bound to Zax thereafter by choice. Why Zax had kept them on was the only mystery because his showmanship had never required their aid. The simplicity of the tricks he had performed had been his own restriction, wary of drawing the attention of the authorities with anything which could not be explained. He had lost that caution in his obsession with automatons. But there had always been the odd inexplicable moment during his shows, lights coming on when the current was doused, or a theatrical whiff of brimstone and an empty cloak crumpling to the stage.

Bob had never thought to wonder, or to question. Zax was Zax, and, as his song had promised, none had ever come to harm at his shows.

Their existence a grim exercise in survival, the Names were hungry for even the illusion of glamour. There Zax was a master, he could twist reality with coloured fantasy and spin them in a whirling, glittering mass that obscured his very real power, the gift of magic which had been ripped from him.

 _No, wait, I can explain everything.._.

Already faltering before the crowd had turned on him, Zax had been at the mercy of the mob Ina had roused, unable to explain anything. His mind under attack from Bevis the Illusionist, he would have been broken before his audience had invaded the stage.

'Bob?'

Only then did Bob remember the man at his side. 'Ghosts,' he explained. 

Eddy's eyes narrowed in pain. 'This place is full of them. I keep expecting to turn round and see him and when I don't I remember all over again. I miss him so bloody much.' His grief-roughened voice trailed away.

Bob put an arm around his shoulders. 'I know, man. I know. We should have talked before now but I've been...preoccupied. Just hang on for a few days more,' he coaxed, his rich voice pitched to carry no farther than Eddy. 'Things might change.'

'That would take a miracle.' 

Alerted by the quality of Bob's silence, Eddy looked up.

To resist the dawning hope on his face was a cruelty beyond Bob. 'I've started to believe in them.'

The joy which filled Eddy's face brought tears to Bob's eyes.

'You can't... Eddy, you've gotta keep the lid on, man,' he whispered frantically.

Eddy nodded, took a shuddering breath and smoothed all expression from his face. 'I can do that.' He looked as if some intolerable burden had been lifted from his shoulders. 'You need anything, you tell me and it's yours.'

He stared at the tip of the cigarette he held, remembering the graceful hand that used to reach out and pluck one from nothingness, absently, as of a right. And in the old days, before the advent of Ina and automatons, Zax would turn and laugh for the sheer joy of it, flick over the cigarette and reach out to take another from the air for himself.

'Maybe I was a bit hasty. Work's hard to come by. It's only sensible to hang on for a while,' Eddy said, loudly enough for his voice to carry to any Regulator snitches who might be listening. He fished in a pocket for a crumpled packet of machine-made cigarettes.

Bob, who had never smoked, expertly palmed them with a flicker of thanks.

Eddy was whistling some complicated tune when he ambled off.

Bob collected his bundle and slid out into the night when he was satisfied there was no one watching him. He had become more accustomed to these forays onto the Exterior, no longer starting at shadows, or fearing to breathe the sweet air. Tonight he avoided the remnants of roadways because of the risk of meeting one of the Regulators' patrols. They had become more active since Zax's funeral, emerging on the Exterior as malignant black shadows. There was unrest everywhere, as if those who had once packed the theatre night after night were trying to fill the emptiness where Zax had been.

The theatre felt hollow, its heart gone. On a good night there might be a handful of Names in the audience, those with nowhere else to go. It hardly mattered, _Zax's Theatre of Glamour and Magic_ had died seventeen days ago.

The track still bore the footprints of those who had braved the terrors of the Exterior as penance for their violence. Zax's funeral had been a macabre, chilling affair. While the grief of the Names had been genuine, mixed with their remorse had been the heady excitement of finding themselves performers in a rare entertainment. Pageantry had overtaken reality, their song rising as they laid their tokens of light around the man they had kicked into darkness. Bob had been in an agony of fear in case Zax recovered consciousness too soon. His resurrection would have been short-lived, hysteria perilously close to the surface.

Bob had seen nothing of Ina since the night of the funeral. She had not attempted to join the procession of mourners, remaining in the wings to cradle the bowl of cold light which had done no more than reflect her terrible Medusa's smile.

The memory of what she had caused raw in his mind, Bob just hoped she was gone for good, wary of what she might do if she stumbled on the truth. No one had seen her since the funeral procession had left the theatre and her costumes were gone, together with her paints, song-sheets and all the props of Zax's performance. In a world where nothing was wasted, Bob could think of no one else who would have tampered with Zax's things, the possessions retaining the essence of the man who had used them with such casual grace. Although Ina had used them too, of course, tucking her slight body into the small spaces of the sword box - until Zax had replaced her with the automaton who had been his downfall.

Ina would have stolen the props for Bevis, the things which had always been the least of Zax's art. No one had met the Illusionist, they just lived with the consequences of his illusion. Odd that Ina should have latched on to someone else with the gift that enticed even while it repulsed her. It had taken her a year to accept that Zax could give her no more than the same casual, distanced affection that he gave them all. Her demands for more had driven him to automatons. 

Repelled by that choice, Bob had told himself that Zax's needs were more complex than most and concentrated on Anike. Isolated behind barriers of his own making, Zax's needs had proved to be the simplest of them all - a search for someone who could accept him for who and what he was. It had led him to seek the soul of the scientist who had no further use for it.

Bob paused to gulp air into his starved lungs, having taken the climb up the hillside too fast because Zax had been alone for too long. He had told Zax he would be working at the Centre again, omitting to add that this morning was the first day since Zax's 'death' that the security perimeters had been lowered to permit the small external workforce to enter. He did not know if Zax had heard him, or if he was even aware of his presence. He had been wondering that for the last seventeen days.

Once within the pulsating blue and silver confines of the Centre Bob had quickly realised that things were far from normal. For one thing Bruce was tense - could a machine be tense? - and something had shaken the Numbers from their habitual calm. Most telling, all experiments had stopped.

Rumours about the reason behind the closure of the Centre were rife amongst the Names living in the Maze, but nothing to match the horror of the faceless thing that moaned.

It had not been difficult to establish the source of the muffled sounds that science could not obliterate, or to work out who it must have been. No one had seen Veronica since that thing had appeared. While Bob refused to believe that the responsibility could be wholly Zax's, he couldn't shake off the memory of the cool arrogance with which Zax had spoken of creating a miracle whose fame would pass into legend.

Whatever his responsibility, Zax, too, was paying the price.

Bob stepped into the shadowed cleft in a rock wall. One hand outstretched for guidance, he padded along the winding passageway that opened out into a small chamber, which he had turned into a refuge for the man who sought none. The fire of the morning had burnt low, glowing embers enough to reveal the motionless figure under the quilts. It was from here that the chill of a tomb emanated.

No change then.

With a faint sigh, Bob plastered a cheery smile into place and bounced into the shadowed gloom. 'Hey, man, how you doing today? This was left for you to eat, not inhale. Come on.' 

Chiding gently, he set about the familiar tasks of removing waste, checking bandages, heating water and soup and fighting his own depression. Once the fire would have been a simple matter, a snap of careless fingers offering warmth and light and laughter. The laughter had been eroded some time ago, now there was not even the flash-fire of anger. Wide, incurious eyes acknowledged him and returned to contemplate the middle distance.

Since his first moment of consciousness and the dawning realisation of what had been ripped from him, Zax had made no reference to his lost power, or to anything else. The memory of that terrible mute figure rocking in an agony of loss had made Bob patient, careful to doctor his every conversation. 

Tonight, as with all the nights which had gone before, it hardly seemed to matter.

Drained and depressed, Bob lay staring up at the uneven rock ceiling. Tomorrow would be better, he told himself, as if wishing had ever made anything so.

oOo

The next day was the same, and the one after that.

On the night of the third unrelenting day of it, already tense after his hours at the Centre, Bob hurled a can at the wall.

Violet shadowed eyelids stirred, wavered and then Zax was looking passively up at him, waiting to learn Bob's pleasure. He had nothing left to fear.

'At last! You keep those eyes open. Like it or not you're alive, so live, damn it! I'm done with tending to some bloody automaton who - '

Bob's anger fled when Zax flinched, the mask of his face twisting with the memory. '... _Mas-ter.._.'

It was the work of moments for Bob to reach his side. 'It'll be all right, you'll see,' he crooned, cradling the ridged figure to him.

'And for Veronica?' The voice was croaky with disuse.

Bob frowned, before he remembered the scientist. 'Is that all that's been worrying you? Man, she doesn't even know you exist, hooked on her experiments. Whatever Bevis did to you, even he wouldn't risk messing with Numbers.' The lies came fluent and fast. Later, if he must, he would tell the truth, as far as he knew it.

Zax absorbed the warmth of the man wrapped protectively around him. Far enough out of his shadowy world to recognise the affection in Bob's voice, on this occasion he clung to it, needing some anchor. 'How long?'

Already the voice sounded more familiar. Not perhaps the same, but Bob's smile was blinding. 'Twenty days.'

'Is that all?'

Bob took an angry breath, before he understood. For Zax it had been a lifetime. But whose life? And the tension was back.

Quick to sense the change of mood and attributing it to the emotional demands he had been making, Zax withdrew from the embrace, his forehead creased, as if against some internal pressure. 'Why have you stayed, everyone else is gone?' His eyes looked silver in the half-light, and haunted. 'Why should anyone want to stay with me now after...' His mouth compressed, as if he was afraid of what he might reveal.

He could still see the faces ugly with hatred, himself stumbling and helpless, everything lost to the horror which had seeped from the box. An automaton could not bleed. Then the pressure, immense and intolerable, the emptiness, even before he had fallen beneath the bloodlust of the audience. Oblivion had been a welcome relief.

Bob cradled the gaunt face between his palms; exerting the full force of his will, he compelled Zax to look up. Zax's eyes were dry and desolate, reflecting his own image back to him.

'You're you and that's enough for us to love you for it. Not enough, perhaps, and not in the way you need, but in the only way we know how. Don't turn us away.' 

He kissed the cold mouth, offering his warmth and love of life. Quiescent, the unresponsive lips quivered, then parted and Bob knew he would be refused nothing, Zax paying for his unwanted life with the only thing he thought he had left. Bob withdrew slowly, offering nothing that could be construed as rejection. 

'When you're stronger, if that's what you'd enjoy. No other reason. Not between you and me.'

Zax was too weak to hide his relief.

Bob grinned. 'That's what I thought. It's just as well, Anike doesn't share well.' The few nights he and Zax had spent together had been wild and sweet, keeping each other safe in the madness of release. But there had been nothing more for either of them. It had been a long, unregretted time ago. Before Anike. 'As for why I'm here, would you have left me?'

Devoid of defences, Zax could not offer the easy lie and so searched the emptiness within himself. 'I don't know,' he said at last, with a kind of weary distaste. 'Probably not. But then you would never have done what I...' His voice faded away, minimal thought suspended. He shouldn't be here. Better he had died, with all useful parts returned to the gene pool.

'That changes nothing,' said Bob, chilled by that honesty. 'The others still don't know you're alive. I'll tell them when it's safe for them to come to you. Eddy guessed. He sent you these.' He fished in a pocket for the cigarettes he had been given.

A long finger reached out, hesitantly tracing the raised design through the cellophane before withdrawing again.

One step at a time, Bob reminded himself. 'How about making me happy by drinking some of this soup?'

Zax stared at him, knowing that whatever Bob felt for him came free, with no demands or conditions attached. A spoonful of soup appeared in front of him. Zax sipped the lukewarm liquid and tried to accustom himself to the gaping void in his mind. His body was healing but that had always been the least of it. Within his mind the stark pain of his loss was an unrelieved darkness where gibbering horrors waited to crowd in on him.

'... _something my father taught me...passed down through many generations of magicians..._ '

The secret, and the magic, had been ripped from him. He was still too weak to comprehend the magnitude of that loss. He dared not try to face it or he, too, would be no more than a broken toy.

'... _My greatest trick..._ '

He had ignored the warnings, convinced his search was over when, searching the audience, he had made a connection, the pulse of his life irrevocably changed in one otherwise insignificant moment. Only when Ina had recalled him to the trick he was performing had he realised that the eyes belonged to a Number. He had built an automaton in her image and called her Veronica. It would have been enough until...

' _What use is a soul to them? But to me_...'

Then blood, thick and viscous, snaking out of the sword box which contained Veronica. He must have been mad to have considered taking in a soul and housing it in an automaton. But a machine could not bleed.

'You've seen Veronica? You're sure it was her?' he asked urgently.

Bob concentrated on building the fire, willing his tenuous fabric of lies to hold. 'I've heard her. She's a scientist.' And she had been as wholly given to her craft as Zax was to his, going willingly to the machine which had sucked the soul from her body, leaving behind the faceless thing which moaned.

'I know. And not for me.' Zax put a hand to his temple. 'I've been taught my limits.' Don't think of that blonde perfection, her instant responses all a man could want. As was to be expected, it was what he had programmed her for, after all. A beginning, he had thought, but that road had been as empty as all the others. But even his failure could not remove the memory of the awesome sense of power over... What? A machine?

Had he squandered everything for a sex toy? What did it matter? It was lost, with no one but himself to blame.

Only now, as he studied the man tending the fire, did Zax recognise the time and care Bob had lavished on him to restore and maintain his unwanted life. 'You should be with Anike. She'll think you've deserted her.'

Tranquil now he was on safer ground, Bob shook his head. 'She understands there's something I have to do. When the time's right I'll tell her the truth. Where you go, we go.'

'Why?' The denial of responsibility was instinctive.

'Some of us would be dead if it wasn't for you. Others of us would just wish we were. For some, like me, you brought colour, excitement and purpose into my life. Every day's an adventure. How could we leave you?' Bob remembered too late Ina's hysterical claims that she was bound to Zax's side, forever trapped in the shadow he cast.

Their audiences were easily pleased; Anike had told him of the silence which had greeted Ina's first solo performance. It would have sealed Zax's fate. But had it been his fault? He could be vain and self-centred but that night his mind had been wholly fixed on Veronica and there was no reason for the usually appreciative audience to snub Ina. Bevis was the only one with the ability and the malice to manipulate them in that manner and by so doing he had ensured the death of any vestiges of loyalty she had to Zax. It had been Ina who had brought the Names to their feet, goading them to a violence no one could have forecast, not even Bevis. Resentful of any rival, let alone one who was adored by the same audiences who had rejected him, Bevis would have welcomed what had followed. And that was the difference between the two magicians because Zax did not kill, not even by proxy.

Ina was well-served. When you called on a power like that you needed to be certain what the effect would be. 

Bob only realised he had spoken aloud when he saw Zax's expression. He launched into speech to fill the silence, using gossip to salve over the wound he had inadvertently inflicted.

'Things are getting back to normal at the Centre. Even Bruce is more his usual self, although the Scientists will be happier when that guy from China arrives to service him. Right now the Numbers are pretty twitchy. They're almost a month behind schedule on their experiments.' Bob's intake of breath, as much as what he had just said, betrayed his earlier lies.

Zax made an inarticulate sound of pain, his compelling eyes seeming to see straight through to Bob's soul. And although Bob knew better than to make any mention of the faceless thing that moaned, he saw the knowledge reflected back at him in Zax's haunted eyes.

oOo

Two days later, despite all the devices to support life, the moaning faded from the corridors of the Centre.

That night Bob sought his own escape in the world of synthvite. Tests had begun on the still-warm body before he had left the Centre.


	4. Chapter 4

FOUR

The dark-haired stranger had arrived to service Bruce three days ago. Bob watched him, as he watched everyone, for what he might learn. Tonight he'd discovered the surveillance had been mutual. Worse, what sat in front of him, very much in command of the conversation, was neither a Regulator nor a Number but a Name called Galen. A Name who had somehow discovered Zax was not dead and who, for reasons of his own, wanted him.

His glass tilted between his hands, Bob wished he had more experience in subterfuge and that this beautiful man with the cold, assessing eyes would stop bugging him. 'If Zax was alive d'you think I wouldn't know?' he repeated.

'You know,' said Galen, with the same flat certainty he had demonstrated all evening.

An hour later it wore down Bob's defences. 'Suppose I do. What would you want with him?'

His expression schooled to one of bland sincerity, Galen made the same answer he had been making all evening. 'To join us. Once in my Sector, little else in his life will change, except that he'll be safe. He can carry on helping to feed, educate and lead the Names - nothing different from what he's been doing here. Since his theatre opened urban unrest has dropped by over twenty per cent and the mortality rate is down by nine per cent. With us behind him he could do more - while he continues to entertain,' he added, by way of an obvious afterthought. Desperate for medics, teachers, materials and the seed to grow crops, they needed a conjuror like they needed a hole in the head. 

'Who's 'we'?' Bob asked with suspicion.

'Myself, and others like me. Sector Y - China - is the place where insurgents tend to congregate.'

'Insurgents, eh? How do you know I won't rush off to inform on you?'

'You might, but who would believe the word of an addict over the man who's just serviced Bruce?'

'I'm no addict,' denied Bob, knowing he was perilously close to that pitiful state of dependence.

'Have it your own way.' Galen's lack of concern was oddly reassuring.

'If it's common knowledge that insurgents live in China, how come Bruce allowed you to service him?'

'Apart from the fact I'm one of the best? Because it's inconceivable that a Number would betray one of their own,' said Galen, looking bored. 

'But you said you were a Name.'

'I'm both.' There was a clear warning in Galen's eyes.

Bob had the sense to let the subject drop, although his mind was reeling. Bruce must know about this half-breed revolutionary, which meant he probably knew Zax wasn't dead. Which meant... He took several calming breaths, sat back in his chair and gave Galen another assessing look. 

'You'd give Zax his own theatre?'

'Not personally, but yes.'

'Just like that?' Bob stared at the madman who casually offered everything as if it was nothing.

'It won't be quite that easy. But the world is starved of entertainers. A place will be found for him.'

Galen's mixture of disapproval and distaste, made Bob smile. 'You don't have much time for entertainers, do you?'

'Once I get Zax to China he'll be nothing to do with me.'

'Is that right?' In Bob's experience Zax was not so easily ignored. 'Have you ever seen Zax's show?'

'A tape of one.'

'What did you think of it?'

'That you have a better singing voice than him,' said Galen, irritated because he sensed something behind the question.

The evasion interested Bob, who recognised the deceptive candour of those midnight blue eyes. It did nothing to help him make a decision, choices chasing around his brain. Safe. China. Theatre. A new life.

It was perfect, except for the major misconception on which the plan was based.

'Why go to all this trouble for an entertainer?'

'Because he commands the respect and affection of the Names. They would follow him anywhere.'

'Zax is a wonderful entertainer, but he's no revolutionary. He isn't a fighter and he doesn't go in for lost causes. He certainly won't kill for you.' The image of a broken and bloody automaton refused to fade.

'We don't want him for that. You can leave any fighting that needs to be done for me to worry about,' Galen added. His smile was disquieting.

Fidgeting, Bob was lost to indecision. To go or to stay? Not that there was any real alternative. He had been as discreet as he knew how but rumours born of hope and fed by speculation had gained a momentum of their own. People spoke of a resurrection. The Names were ecstatic, the empty theatre surrounded by expectant crowds, while the Regulators were out in force, searching for Zax. They had yet to re-open the tomb, obviously afraid the rumours would gain credence if it was found to be empty. They had never known how to deal with Zax. Rumour had even breached the Centre. The Numbers were in ferment. Paramount was their fury that a Name had had the temerity to construct a replica of one of their own kind and put it on show, implying to the simple that he possessed the power to hold a Number in thrall. Inevitably they speculated about the level of intelligence required to do what Zax had done, because it was accepted that Names were genetically inferior. The scientists had already planned the tests they would run on Zax before he was handed back to the Regulators for execution, presuming he was still alive.

It was overhearing that particular conversation which had led Bob to make his purchase of synthavite early, needing something to dull his fear - and not only on Zax's behalf. Even the Regulators would manage to work out who must have hid Zax and their limited thought processes would not stop with him: the whole troupe was in danger.

Galen was still waiting. Bob wished he knew the man behind that impenetrable blue stare. Who was he, this Name who worked with Numbers on equal terms and who offered Zax a new life?

Without help their future was bleak. Sooner or later Zax would be found, there was nowhere to hide, except on the Exterior, and they had no hope of being able to survive up there without food and shelter. Names or Regulators could stumble upon Zax at any time. If there was a fight people would die and Zax would still be taken. A new life in China for them all seemed their only hope of surviving.

'Why are you doing this?' Bob asked.

'The pay's good,' said Galen with prompt mendacity.

'It must be,' said Bob dryly, thinking of the penalties for failure. 'Do you do this often?'

'What?'

'Collect people.'

'Often enough to know what I'm doing. I'll keep Zax safe. I'm not saying the journey will be easy, or particularly pleasant, but I'll get him there.'

'It's a dangerous life. Don't your folks get fussed?'

'Folks?' Side-tracked by the disingenuous question, Galen looked puzzled.

'A woman or man of your own. Someone who cares enough to worry when you're in danger.' Bob already knew the answer, Galen wore his loneliness like a cloak.

'There's no one.' Galen drained his glass and set it down with an annoyed click. 'I don't see what that has to do with - '

'No one?' said Bob, with a trace of pity.

'I don't need anyone,' snapped Galen.

'Man, we all need someone.'

'If that's what you need to believe.' Galen had never understood why other people should be so curious about him, his interest in the doings of others minimal.

It was that defensiveness which decided Bob. Zax had always drawn those of both genders and a few of those caught in between - until now no one had seemed to resent the fact. Behind their veneer of self-sufficiency Zax and Galen were both achingly alone. They might be good for one another.

'Come on then.' Bob began to weave his way through the close-packed tables.

Taken aback by Bob's swift change of mood, and his own loss of control of the situation, Galen caught up with Bob at the door leading to the Exterior. The walkway was deserted here; few Names would risk coming this close to the Exterior, never mind venture above ground, where they were conditioned to believe that sickness and a lingering death awaited them.

Bob opened the door and fresh air eddied around them. Galen gave an unconscious sigh of relief. This Sector was one of the poorest and most over-crowded and he could not wait to leave. It was typical that this conjuror should have got himself beaten up at a time when he would need all his strength.

'Where are we going?' Galen betrayed none of the surprise he felt at Bob's ease above ground.

'To pick up some fellow revolutionaries.' Bob slid free of the hand on his arm and picked his way down the remnants of what had once been a road. Despite the straggling vegetation and debris it was still faster going above ground than through the over-crowded Maze.

'Now, wait just a minute. I'm - '

'It's not open to debate. If you want to find Zax, you need me. And I need them. I don't take you to him unless they come with us. We go, or stay, together. Clear?'

Galen gave a heartfelt groan. With the Centre seething with rumour and Regulators who were prone to attacking first and asking questions afterwards, he did not have the luxury of time in which to argue. He had already wasted three days trying to locate Zax and might never find him without Bob's help.

'How many people are we talking about?' he asked.

'Eight, including Zax.'

It was a moment before Galen thought to control his expression. 'You think I can transport eight Names half-way around the world while every Regulator on the Island is gunning for us?'

'Why not, if you're as good as you claim? We won't slow you down. Quite the reverse. Zax won't be capable of walking without help for a few days yet. We're fit, willing, and we learn fast. You'll have to do the same if you're planning to join _Zax's Theatre of Glamour and Magic._ '

'I rather thought he was joining me.' The way Galen operated no one ever linked a disappearance with his visit to a Sector, he intended it should remain that way. He knew just the spot to ditch them.

'Is that what you thought?' Bob sounded sympathetic. 'Time will tell. You'd better be capable of learning a few tricks though.'

'Like pulling a rabbit from a hat?'

'You'll do better than that by the time this is over, for Zax, if for no one else.'

Exasperated beyond measure, Galen came to an abrupt halt. 'What is there about this second-rate conjuror to make everyone I've spoken to - ?'

'Enough!' 

Bob's body was beautiful in the moonlight, each oiled definition of muscle flowing freely into the next. For the first time Galen recognised the strength of will beneath his easy-going manner. He should have known it was there because Bob had braved working at the Centre for the chance to learn. Bruce had spoken highly of him. Galen refocused to discover he was being subjected to the kind of appraisal he was more accustomed to making rather than receiving.

'Wait until you get to know Zax, when he's...healed. Until then the rest of us will do whatever we have to protect ourselves - and him. Do you understand me?' The statement of intent could not have been clearer.

'Perfectly.' Galen found the tact to keep his amusement to himself. It occurred to him that Bob and the others might be more useful than he had supposed. Because he distrusted any mystery, he could not leave the subject of Zax alone. 'I don't understand why you would all risk so much for him.'

'Because we love him,' said Bob simply, as if the answer should have been obvious.

' _Love_?' 

'You do know what that is?' Bob paused, genuinely curious.

Galen smiled and nodded as he remembered the artfully bared body and the sheer carnality of Zax's mouth. That kind of love he understood. Despite himself, he felt a prickle of anticipation at the idea of meeting Zax.

oOo

Bob broke the news of Zax's survival to the troupe. Their joy made Galen wonder just what their relationship with the conjuror might be. Then Bob explained what he proposed. Rather than the fear, mistrust and confusion Galen had expected, their enthusiasm and unquestioning trust made him instantly suspicious. He stood beside Bob and set about trying to dissuade them by detailing the dangers and hardships they would be facing.

They nodded and resumed their excited exclamations. Galen watched them with mounting impatience. Naive as children, they accepted his presence and purpose without question. Their unasked for trust made him uneasy.

He urged them to hurry but discovered he might as well try to wrestle fog. His protests that they could not bring half the theatre with them were ignored; no one intended to leave behind any of the tawdry detritus of their lives. He won the battle over the full-size synthesizer and integral lighting system after demonstrating that it took two of them just to lift the main unit. Old enough to be antique, it had obviously been cherished and worked on far beyond what it deserved. Galen felt a momentary pang on Eddy's behalf. He could have a word with the Controller about doing something for the troupe, he thought absently, a conjuring show needed a musician and dancers. He was blissfully unconscious of his acceptance of his burdens-to-be. Now he had met them he could no more think of abandoning them than he would contemplate handing them over to the Regulators.

He watched their frenzy of activity for some minutes before it occurred to him that they owned nothing that would enable them to survive on the Exterior. What he had bought for Zax's use would not stretch to keep seven others alive.

'You all need warm clothing, a bedroll...' Galen trailed off into silence when he saw Bob's expression. 'Leave it to me,' he sighed. 'Where's the market with the best supply of goods?'

'This theatre's in the middle of it. Wait, we'll find you things to barter for what we need.'

Galen stared at the pathetic items they produced with such pride: bent wire hangers; mismatched shoes; and lumps of rusting metal. It was a timely reminder that few people enjoyed his level of comfort.

'It's all right, I have credits. While I'm gone, get everyone organised - and remind them to pack only what they can carry.' Galen paused when he realised they were all watching him with varying degrees of anxiety. 

'I'll be back as soon as I've bought what you need if we're all to survive.'

The tension in Bob's face eased. 'Do you want me to help carry the stuff?'

'Good idea,' said Galen, under no illusions. In their position he would have checked on him too. 

 

It was only as he and Bob bought whatever he could find that might come in useful, if not of the quality he was used to, that Galen realised Bob's only thought had been to help. It was difficult to imagine anyone so naive surviving so long, he mused, pleased to have found another knife strong enough to cut wood.

They returned with backpacks for everyone, in which were bedrolls, groundsheets, a blanket, water bottle, cup, plate, knife and spoon all made of metal, together with packets of dehydrated food, protein bars and vitamin pills. To Galen's chagrin, it was Bob who had thought of buying another large pot for cooking, as well as a second kettle.

Galen was not wholly surprised to discover the troupe were no closer to departure than when he had left them. Bags were repacked and difficult choices made. Time passed but no one seemed any closer to being ready, putting off the moment when they must abandon the familiar for the dangerous unknown.

Galen finally lost patience with their dithering. He did not need to raise his voice to be heard, only to unleash it like a switchblade; it sliced through the warm babble of sound as though through soft cheese. 

'I'm leaving in ten minutes, with or without you. What you can't carry must be left behind.'

After that it was relatively easy and they were finally off to collect the man he had come so far to meet. The prospect made Galen uneasy, remembering with uncomfortable clarity the stage persona he had seen once and been unable to forget since, his unwary heart deserting him without a struggle. He had been captivated from the opening sibilant song, momentum built by the hypnotic voice weaving colour through the darkness.

He was finally going to meet Zax. 

He was less than thrilled to realise his palms were damp with apprehension, not that he was prepared to admit what it was he feared.


	5. Chapter 5

FIVE

While some of the troupe were obviously apprehensive, they left the Maze for the Exterior without hesitation - their unobtrusive bravery winning Galen's respect. Once they were on the Exterior he decided it was the perfect time for another lecture, then realised he had left it too late. The smell of the dangerous outside world in their nostrils, excitement quivered like an itch across their skin; it was clear the troupe felt themselves to be free already.

By the time they made their way up the hillside, Galen was pleasantly surprised by the troupe's level of fitness, even the plump man, Eddy, maintaining the brisk pace he had set. 

Bob had said Zax was recovering from a severe beating. 'Subdued' was the word he had used, so Galen was not expecting much when he followed the others into the shadowy cave that was crowded with bodies and baggage.

While the troupe fussed over Zax, who seemed barely aware of them, Galen used the mediscanner to check whether Zax was physically capable of walking under his own steam. The results were far better than he had expected and he wasted no time in making his sales pitch.

'So will you come?' What had been intended as a demand emerged as a plea. Galen's preconceptions were no protection for what happened next.

The bowed head rose for the first time and there was a moment of recognition so intense that it made Galen shake. Defenceless, he felt as if his heart had been stripped bare. Then Zax blinked, the crescent of his lashes sweeping down over those beautiful eyes, and the illusion fled, leaving Galen alone.

'Will you come?' he repeated. His voice sounded unfamiliar to his own ears, yet nothing - and everything - had changed. 

So when Zax glanced up incuriously, as if for the first time, and nodded with a dull-eyed lack of interest, Galen felt betrayed, bereft of something which had never been his to lose.

There were only a few hours left to dawn as they prepared to set off on the first stage of their journey. The troupe were still coming to terms with the knowledge they would be living on the Exterior.

'All the time?' shivered Sade. She had a fondness for her creature comforts, small though they had ever been.

'You needn't come,' pointed out Galen.

'We go, or stay, together. Agreed?' Bob glanced around the group.

Despite her misgivings, Sade was the first to give her assent and, in the event, the first to leave the cave.

They had only gone a few yards when one of the women slipped.

Monica clambered to her feet from where she had fallen on the wet rock and beamed at Galen before she gathered up her bags. 'This trip might even be fun,' she said, grimacing when she saw her torn tights.

Galen raised his eyebrows and abandoned his attempts to dissuade them. 

Undeterred by his monosyllabic replies, the troupe chattered amongst themselves all the way down the hillside. They were moving a lot slower now, their pace dictated by the ability of the silent man at their heart. Walking like an old man, his muscles weakened after nearly a month of inactivity, Zax would have fallen a number of times but for the fact Bob and Eddy had linked arms with him and were virtually carrying him. 

By dawn Galen had little option but to allow his exhausted, half-frozen charges to rest. It was not just the physical exertion which was tiring them but the cold, for they were accustomed to and dressed for the over-heated Maze. The moment he announced they would sleep during the day and travel at night, they got out their bedding and collapsed into mumbling heaps of gaudy clothing that offered scant protection against the rigours of the October night. Huddled together for warmth, they were soon asleep.

Galen surveyed his motley crew with disbelief, then set about securing the makeshift camp.

oOo

By dawn on the third day Galen was experiencing a degree of culture shock, while trying not to betray how out of his depth he felt. Despite the cold, the wet and the difficult terrain, the mood of the troupe lightened the farther he took them from the Centre. It seemed to Galen, who took his responsibilities seriously, that they had no more sense than infants. Everything roused their interest, from how to tell which plants were safe to eat and water that was safe to drink, to the changes in the light and weather conditions and how to make a fire. They had already proved they were adaptable and fast learners, and far tougher than they looked in their flimsy, gaudy clothes. Rhian was particularly good with her knife, preparing tripods on which to suspend the kettles and cooking pot, and whittling more spoons as they sat around the fire, waiting for the water to boil, or their meal to cook.

They were a wildly disparate group, who argued over trivialities all the time. They never seemed to stop talking but beneath the squabbling was a sense of unity that Galen had not known since he had lived amongst a family as a child. He had yet to work out the various pairings, not least because they slept like puppies, huddled together for warmth, always keeping the silent, awkward-moving figure of Zax at their centre. They exuded warmth and vitality, free with laughter, easy kisses and caresses. The displays of affection confused Galen because they were not always intended to lead to sex.

It took some time for him to admit he envied them their freedom to trust one another.

At the heart of the group was the silent man everyone unobtrusively helped when they thought he would not notice, because he had made it clear there would be no passengers on the trip. He was not convinced this gaunt, hollow-eyed wraith, who had yet to speak, even when directly addressed, was Zax. Frail to breaking point and devoid of allure, he was nothing like the vivid, charismatic figure who had stolen Galen's heart.

With no time to concern himself with what might be affecting Zax, Galen kept them moving at the ruthless pace he established after getting readings of a group of Regulators no more than two miles behind them. He had forbidden the troupe to talk and bullied them on, preferring they should believe him a hard taskmaster than that they should discover the truth. He had no wish to deal with hysteria and panic.

It was mid-morning before he let them stop, the swirling wind whipping out hair and clothing and bringing down a brittle rain of dead leaves over them. Sheltered from the flaying edge of the wind by three walls of a long-deserted house, he surveyed the exhausted sprawl of bodies and baggage, wondering if it would ever be possible to make order from the chaos.

'Eat before you sleep. We'll set off again the moment the light goes. And fast. Set up camp now. That means all of us,' Galen added, his gaze on Zax, who was labouring for breath, one arm pressed to his side, as if it pained him. 'Either learn to walk on your own two feet, or next time I'll leave you where you fall.'

About to protest at the manifest unfairness of that, Anike was silenced by Bob, who had begun to take the measure of their guide. Despite his biting tongue, Galen had shared out his warmer clothing, while carrying the load of two men and helping anyone who was in difficulties. Anyone but Zax.

The time he had spent looking after Zax had taught Bob that he could reach out to him only so far before Zax withdrew back into his shadow-world. They shared too many memories, Bob unwittingly offering reminders of events Zax could not face. While patience might not be the best way to reach him Bob knew he could do it no other way. Even the troupe had not helped. Zax had allowed himself to be hugged and exclaimed over but no spark had lit the bleak introspection of his eyes.

Galen was impossible to ignore. Abrasive, challenging and uptight, he had a charisma all of his own. He and Zax might seem like chalk and cheese but Bob had begun to wonder if they might not have more in common than was immediately obvious. Galen might possess a kinder heart than he liked people to know about but when Zax finally absorbed what Galen was saying to him... An anticipatory grin lit Bob's tired face. It would not do Galen any harm, he was too assured by half. Probably never met anyone who could stand up to him. Until now. If Zax was not broken beyond hope of repair.

'Don't tell me he's deaf as well as useless.' Galen gestured to where Zax sat, oblivious.

'He just has a job concentrating at the moment.' Bob crouched at Zax's side, brushing a gaunt cheek with his hand. 

'Galen's talking to you,' he prompted.

Zax nodded and wondered why this man Galen should hold him in contempt, then he remembered: he would know about Veronica. Blocking the memory, he rose unsteadily to his feet. 

'What is it you want me to do?'

'How about a few tricks?'

That gibe had lost its sting some time ago. Zax had spent the last forty-eight hours struggling to keep up to the accompaniment of slighting references about his abilities, until Galen's voice had been the only spur that had kept him moving.

'I can't.'

'You're not doing your share of the work involved in setting up camp. It's not fair on the others. Or do you intend to continue to take advantage of their good nature? Can you remember how to make a fire? Splendid. Then if it isn't too much trouble, make one now. Taruna and Rhian have collected plenty of wood.'

'Won't a fire be dangerous?' asked Bob, as he helped Anike spread out the waterproof ground sheets. 'Suppose anyone sees the smoke?'

'Who would you suggest? No one in this Sector's had the guts to live on the Exterior for generations.'

Bob swallowed his angry retort and concentrated on what he was doing.

'He was thinking of the Regulators,' said Anike. 'They are behind us, aren't they? That's why you've been so...worried.'

'I didn't think you knew,' Galen muttered. Unfair to take it out on them, he reminded himself.

'We knew,' said Eddy, as he returned with fresh water. 'But what good would it do to point out the obvious? We know you're doing all you can.'

Galen scowled as the others murmured their assent. 'It may not be enough,' he warned them.

'Even you didn't promise perfection,' teased Bob, squeezing Galen's shoulder.

Galen ran a hand back over his cropped hair to disguise the fact he had almost gone for his knife. Sexual encounters aside, it had been a good few years since pleasurable, unsolicited physical contact had played a part in his life - since he was nine years old, in fact. 

'Am I being that bad?' he asked.

'Only to one of us.' Anike sighed when the smile faded from Galen's face.

'That patrol earlier wasn't specifically after us, they were just making a routine check. They don't have any sophisticated equipment and so can't track us. They'll be back at base by now. There's no reason to suppose they know Zax is alive but _if_ they do... I hope they'll think we've gone south. We've made a wide half-circle, which is why you had to do all that climbing. It should have paid off. Besides, this...' Galen gestured to the tiny box at his waist, 'will give us advance warning if they get too close.'

Interested in all gadgets, Eddy swallowed his questions. Galen had been unusually forthcoming but there was no point in pushing their luck.

'What will we do for food?' asked Monica. 'You've already said there won't be much, if any, fresh food at this time of year.'

Grateful for the presentiment which had led him to pack extra food concentrates and protein pills before he left China, which would help eke out the supplies he had bought in the Maze, Galen's gaze drifted appreciatively over her ample curves.

'We won't starve,' he promised her. His expression gentled when he recognised how valiantly she was trying to conceal her fear and he took the time to explain what supplies they carried and how he hoped to supplement them. 

Satisfied that Galen's attention was elsewhere, and unable to bear Zax's graceless attempts to light the twigs already collapsing in on themselves, Eddy went to the rescue. After lighting the fire, he curved Zax's fingers around the cigarette he had lit for him.

The familiarity of the gesture roused Zax from his apathy and he stared from it to Eddy. 'What about you?' The effort it required for him to reach out was heart-rendingly obvious.

'There are plenty. Enjoy it,' Eddy urged him. It wasn't strictly true but Zax needn't know that.

Slowly, as if the gesture was unfamiliar, Zax raised the cigarette to his mouth and inhaled. As the nicotine hit him in a dizzying rush he began to cough, poise destroyed.

'I'd forgotten,' he wheezed, his eyes watering. He tucked an arm around his ribs, newly bruised in one of several falls.

Eddy felt rewarded by that faint glimmer of amusement. 'It'll come back to you,' he said placidly. 'All of it. Don't try and force things, give yourself time to heal.'

Zax passed the cigarette back to him. 'We'll share it.'

Close to being overset by this proof that Zax really was recovering, Eddy's eyes were overly bright when he said, 'All right.' He gave Zax a brief hug and inhaled deeply before returning the cigarette. 'You finish this while I find us some food.' He drifted away before Zax could reply. 

Eddy planted himself in front of Galen, wearing a fierce frown. 'I know Zax is a handicap right now,' he murmured. 'That will change. He's doing his best but it's going to take time and you'll give it to him or answer to me.' 

Without waiting to see the effect of his untypical belligerence, he collected their rations and returned to Zax's side, coaxing him to eat half an unappetising protein bar.

 

Galen's brooding gaze settled on the hunched, introspective figure shivering by a fire which he knew would collapse. Rather than wait for that to happen, he rebuilt the fire, secured the perimeter and saw to it that everyone was bedded down for the remainder of the day.

Bob and Anike were snuggled together, Eddy was barely visible in the centre of his women while, for the first time, Zax sat alone on the edge of the group. Galen frowned when he saw the two solitary bedrolls set out. It made sense to share body heat, energy lost to the cold would slow them even more. Soft-footed, he padded behind Zax, who flinched at his touch, then went very still, waiting.

'You'll sleep with me tonight,' said Galen. It was little enough to ask, and probably all Zax was good for.

One tired glance told Zax what it was Galen wanted of him. It was no surprise, Galen the last in a long line, but in recent years he had become accustomed to having a choice in his bedmates. Desperate for oblivion, he was beyond caring by what means it was achieved. It was a small enough thing he could do, and do well, if that skill had not deserted him too. He nodded and began to remove his clothing, his down-bent face guarding whatever he might be feeling.

Galen studied the rake-thin body, taking in the jut of bone and sharp signs of recent injuries, although the scars were far less obvious than might be expected after only a month. 

Zax swallowed a yawn and shuddered with the cold, one arm curved around his bruised and uncomfortably prominent ribs. 

Galen's desire faltered. He had never taken an unwilling bedmate yet and even an optimist could not claim Zax looked anything but resigned to the prospect of sex. He busied himself fitting the two groundsheets and bedrolls together, placing the blankets on top. 

'It's cold, we'll be warmer sharing a bed. Well, get in. You need all the sleep you can get,' Galen said briskly, as if that had been his only thought. 

He manufactured tasks for himself until Zax was asleep, blaming him for the unwelcome intensity of this inexplicable desire for a man whose physical attributes were not immediately obvious right now. 

Still awake an hour after he had slid in beside Zax, Galen silently cursed everyone from the Controller downwards. The sleepy, rhythmic sliding and soft moans from where the others were, did little to ease his plight. His body gave a hopeful twitch when he felt movement beside him.

Trustful in sleep, Zax snuggled up closer to Galen's warmth, his sleep untroubled by nightmares for the first time in weeks.

Convinced he was destined to remain in this state of half-aroused frustration until the trip was over, Galen fell asleep within minutes, his breathing taking on the rhythm of that drifting down his neck.

oOo

By the sixth day of their journey Galen was resigned to uncomfortable celibacy. It was obvious Zax had no desire for anything, giving no indication that he had ever possessed an independent thought.

They were making better time because Galen had set a steady rather than a punishing pace, regular breaks enabling Zax to keep up with them. The grey tinge of exhaustion was rarely seen on his face now, not that he complained. Galen would have welcomed even that sign of life but Zax showed no interest in those who lavished so much care on him. His sleep troubled and restless, he was no easy bedmate. Sometimes Galen would stir to find Zax staring at something only he could see. It was an uncanny experience to lie beside someone and yet feel so distanced from them. 

One afternoon, relaxed from sleep and disturbed by the distress on Zax's face, Galen said, 'Are you all right?'

Zax flinched at finding himself under surveillance and turned his back on Galen without replying.

Rebuffed, Galen lay awake for the rest of the day.

oOo

Galen woke early, the sun in his eyes. The air was spiked with ice, the fire was out and everyone else was asleep in the partial shelter offered by some ruins. His balls in knots, he glared at his sleeping bedmate. It was impossible to ignore the heat of the body so temptingly close to him. Tomorrow night he would sleep alone, he promised himself. Another day like this and he'd be a gibbering wreck. His teeth gritted, he decided to find a private corner for a wank.

It was the shock of the husky voice whispering seductive promises, just as much as the knowing hand that settled over him, which almost precipitated Galen from bedroll to floor. With a strangled gasp, and no idea what Zax was saying, he arched away, inadvertently delivering himself fully into the palm curved to receive him.

'So prim. Stay here where it's warm. Let me give you ease.'

The skilful touches were delicate at first, a feather soft brushing around the head of his prick, slowly firming and hastening until they drew Galen to the peak, denial frozen in his throat. Then the touch changed, Zax seeming to know by instinct when to tighten and -

Galen came fast and hard, muffling his cry against his forearm as his warmth pulsed over Zax and himself. 

At first Galen was only vaguely aware of the amused, approving murmur in his ear and the hands which stroked his belly and flanks, gentling him.

'Foolish to wait so long. I'll have to teach you how to make it last.' Zax nuzzled the nape of Galen's neck, wholly at his ease and in total control of the situation.

Remnants of Galen's dizzying pleasure fled. Made to feel brash and untutored by the detached skill which had brought him off so easily, he became aware of the lax genitals brushing him, proof that he had been alone in his desire. He turned whip-fast, pinning Zax beneath him. 

Untroubled, Zax smiled at him with lazy triumph, stroking Galen's thigh with his knee.

Inexplicably infuriated by that display of unconcern, Galen locked one hand in the tangled hair and swooped, his mouth fierce and bruising, demanding recognition of his mastery.

And then it all went wrong.

Where he had intended to dominate, the lips beneath his parted of their own accord, welcoming him. Released, Zax wrapped his arms around Galen, taking him in an exuberant hug. Then Galen was drowning in that velvety embrace, the responsive mouth coaxing him into sharing exploratory kisses, the climb to pleasure more than half-achieved. Clever hands skimmed his spine, a finger sliding between his buttocks, grazing the tight-guarded entrance to his body.

Galen wrenched free and was on his feet in one unconsidered moment of panic. 

That retreat baring him to the malice of the cold air, Zax began to shiver. The smile in his eyes changed to a look of puzzlement as he pushed himself up onto one elbow. 'What's wrong? Did I hurt you?'

Heedless of their waking audience and his half-aroused nudity before them, Galen tore his hypnotised gaze from the practised whore's mouth. 'Hurt me?' he said sardonically, aware from Zax's lack of arousal that he had been as alone in his desire as all else. He crouched down, his hand sweeping the length of Zax's displayed body from the hollow of his throat to his upraised knee, tweaking the lax genitals with contemptuous fingers. 

'I see it wasn't just your magic you lost back at your theatre,' he said, needing to hurt as he was hurting. 'If I want sex with you I'll be sure to mention it, until then, keep your hands to yourself. I've no liking for shop-soiled goods that can't perform on their own account.' Even before he finished speaking he saw the colour that rose to stain the mis-matched cheekbones before it fled, leaving a precarious smile twisting the too-controlled mouth.

Comforting fantasy having been ripped from him, pride did not allow Zax to lower his gaze while his new reality was mercilessly hammered home - he had been left with nothing to offer. Feeling as if layers of skin had been scraped away without the benefit of an anaesthetic, he scooped up a piece of rubble and offered it to his tormentor. 

'Next time use this, for your aim is as true as any I've known.' Naked, he limped away.

Galen stared from the deserted bedroll to the empty doorway but still fancied that he could see the taut back, the shoulders braced against further attack. Shame made him take a step after Zax, pride brought him to a standstill.

Zax would know better next time.

The fragment of stone clenched in his palm, Galen discovered he was under hostile surveillance from the others. The stone fell to the ground when he realised that what should have been an intensely private moment had been conducted in a blaze of publicity.

'We move out in thirty minutes. Anyone who isn't ready will be left behind,' he said harshly, his glare daring anyone to comment.

Their eyes fell under Galen's uncompromising gaze.

 

'For someone who's supposed to be keeping Zax safe, how come Galen's doing his best to push him over the edge?' demanded Taruna in a heated whisper, as she struggled to roll the ground sheet small enough to fit into her backpack.

'He's trying,' said Eddy, taking it from her.

'To do what? Mind, there's still a piece sticking out.'

'Give the guy a break. It can't be the easiest thing in the world to have all of us thrust on him. He isn't used to communal life, that's for sure.' Bob had spent five minutes trying to calm down a furious Anike. Now she wasn't talking to him at all. 

Graceless and fumbling where once he had been assured, Zax stirred the protective instincts of them all - and the women in particular. Dauntingly competent, distant and punctiliously correct, Galen did not seem aware of the women, other than as charges to be cared for. That denial of their sexuality was driving them crazy.

'What's there to learn?' said Sade, joining the debate.

'Small things. Things we take for granted. It might help if we all quietened down during our loving,' said Bob.

'He obviously isn't used to having a grandstand seat. He's been as twitchy as hell,' Eddy conceded.

'Perhaps he's a virgin.' Bedroll disposed of, Sade fastened her soft shoes.

Bob grinned. 'Don't tell me you're thinking of converting him to our ways?'

'He's beautiful, but too cold for my taste,' Sade said.

Bob watched Galen waiting for them with poorly concealed impatience, noticing how often his gaze strayed to Zax, who was being organized by Monica and Rhian. 

'Oh, I don't know so much. Anyway, if you're right, I think he's due for a thaw.'

 

Sat on the edge of the troupe, the exclusion of his own making, Galen toyed with his food. His bedroll lay in the corner of the rubble-strewn room next door, alone. When he could delay the moment no longer he went out to it, conscious that everyone except Zax was watching him.

The bedding felt damp and cold. Tired, tense and miserable, he closed his eyes while knowing he wouldn't sleep. He couldn't forget that only a few feet away Zax was equally alone and cold.

An hour later Galen gave no sign that he had heard the rustle and stir when Eddy and his harem moved to encompass Zax within their midst.

When he got them underway that night Galen could see that, while he might have been warm, Zax was no more rested than he was.


	6. Chapter 6

SIX

It was too wet to sleep. The rotting barn, which was the only shelter Galen could find, smelt terrible. When it started to rain again they discovered the roof leaked in a number of places. By mutual consent they repacked and wearily resumed their journey. Eddy and Bob paused to squabble about whose turn it was to take up one of the heavier bags, which the men shared between them.

'Give me the bloody thing,' snapped Galen, out of patience with their bickering. He almost dropped it when he discovered how heavy it was.

'What the hell's in here?' He wrenched undone the fastenings, tumbling the contents into the mud. Costumes spilled out in a welter of ribbons, feathers and scraps of lace. There was a hand-synthesizer, five swords, metal hoops, three mirrors - all now broken - dancing shoes and boxes of paints. Beneath everything was a thick chain with a medallion that filled his palm; it felt inordinately heavy. Galen draped the chain over his fingers and stared around the group.

'I can understand breaking our backs with the other junk, but why are we hauling this around with us?'

'Because - '

'It's mine. They thought I might want it one day,' said Zax, his voice vibrant with rarely heard life. He pushed past Eddy to pluck the chain from Galen's hand, then turned to the troupe. 

'Have I been worth your efforts?' he demanded bitterly, water streaming down his face and dripping from the edge of the medallion.

'You couldn't be worth what they've done for you,' said Galen. 'I know you've had a rough time but it's time to think of them instead of yourself.'

Scorched by the fury on Zax's face, he took an involuntary step back. But when Zax swung around it was away from him, his arm outflung as he hurled the medallion over the soggy ground. An imperiously pointing finger traced its path before his extended arm fell to his side, emotion draining from his face.

'There,' said Zax tiredly, 'now there's nothing left. The past is dead, if not buried.'

'You can't get rid of that, it was your father's!' protested Bob.

'Let it lie. I forfeited my right to it long since.' Zax's eyes were slitted against the pain which came every time he tried to recapture a power which had been as much a part of him as the ability to breathe.

Bob got an arm around him just before Zax folded like an empty cloak.

Understanding nothing of what had happened, Galen helped them back to the barn before he set about trying to patch the worst of the holes in the roof. He left Zax to the others, afraid his presence would only make matters worse.

 

Huddled between Anike and Taruna against the cold, only Bob was awake hours later to notice Galen slip away. He was still awake when Galen returned, sodden with rain, the heavy medallion swinging from his hand as he cleaned it, wrapped it in a silk handkerchief and returned it to the bag from which he had taken it.

'Of course he did,' said Anike, when Bob told her what he had seen. 'You must have realised by now that Galen's all bark and no bite. But we'll have to get him more used to affection.'

'Why?' asked Bob, not for the first time failing to follow her thought processes.

'So he won't freak out every time someone touches him. He nearly knifed Eddy by mistake the other day. Don't you notice anything?'

Fortunately, the injustice of that remark deprived Bob of the breath with which to reply.

oOo

There was open surprise when Galen announced they would go no farther.

'You're spoiling us.' Taruna's wry grin was devoid of malice as she briefly tucked her arm into the crook of his.

Numerous teasing comments followed as they set up camp in the small clearing, lit silver by the moon. Galen was disconcerted by the surge of warmth he felt at being included in their banter. In the days since he had driven Zax from his bed he had supposed himself forever set apart by the viciousness of what he had done.

'Definitely slipping. There must be a good four hours till dawn. Plenty of time to run me ragged.' What little of Eddy's face that could be seen beneath his untidy, sandy beard was pink from exertion. Of all the group, Zax excepted, Eddy found the pace Galen set the hardest, having dedicated his life to the avoidance of exercise. He tenderly inspected his array of blisters but made no complaint and when he saw Galen watching him, he winked.

They had been caught in the middle of flat fen lands when they had seen the sleek, snub-nosed transport of the Regulators on the horizon. The cars had continued on a path away from them but since then they had travelled fast, and always in darkness, keeping silent and hugging whatever shelter they could find.

'The worst should be over,' said Galen. 'We should be able to get off the Island tomorrow.' He hoped he sounded more confident than he felt. 'There are a few preparations we need to make to disguise your appearance. I should have thought of it earlier, in case we were stopped.'

'I expect you had other things on your mind, like keeping us alive,' said Bob.

'Why have you bought us all the way up here?' asked Anike curiously. 'There's an exit point three days from the Centre?'

Galen nodded approvingly. As the journey progressed she had gained in confidence - unless she had just learnt to trust him. Filthy, scratched and bruised, her costume in tatters, like the others she was confounding his expectations and thriving on the Exterior.

'I know but from all reports this terminal won't be as well policed. They shouldn't be so quick to spot Zax. We need to bathe, change everyone's appearance and put on some of those fine clothes we've been carrying.'

'Bath?' said Monica, latching onto the one word of importance.

'Bath,' Galen confirmed, his smile broadening. 'There's a small cave not twenty yards from here with unpolluted water on tap. Cold, I'm afraid.'

Before he could say anything else he was engulfed in a tidal wave of grateful femininity: long legs, lush breasts, the bony attraction of Anike and the drift of Taruna's hair. He returned their embrace with a fervour that surprised even him.

'Wow, was I ever wrong about you,' remarked Sade unguardedly. Her speculative gaze travelled over him, lingering in the obvious places.

Galen gave another of his rare smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling. 'Don't tell me,' he advised her.

'It's just that we presumed we didn't attract you,' explained Anike.

'Oh. You were wrong,' he said, equally grave as he twined a tendril of her pale hair around his finger before letting it spring free. 'But you're all spoken for and I don't poach.' 

He did not add that all that interested him stood propped against a tree trunk, oblivious to the discussion. The gender of his bedmate had always been irrelevant but this hunger for a rake-thin conjuror who scarcely knew he existed was not making life any easier.

Bob followed the direction of Galen's gaze. 'We don't own each other. All you have to do is ask. The worst that can happen is that someone declines. No offence given or taken.'

'I'll bear that in mind,' Galen promised him.

Bob smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, pleased when Galen hardly flinched at the contact. He had taken every opportunity to draw him out; while it had been hard going, he had learnt enough to appreciate that Galen's life had been very different from theirs. For all the squabbling which went on Bob couldn't imagine life without the others, from the sultry Sade, who tried to score sexual points from any and every situation, to the almost mute Rhian. Over the years they had become a tight-knit unit, sharing their thoughts and dreams as they shared out food and possessions. He would trust any of them with his life. In contrast, Galen was formal, wary of displays of affection, and quick to steer the conversation away from himself. He was obviously fascinated by Zax, although he could have no way of knowing just how changed Zax was at the moment.

Bob jumped when Galen gave one of his plaits a gentle tug. 'I'm sorry, but these will have to go. They're too noticeable. They'll grow again.'

'Sure.' While he understood the necessity, Bob gave Galen's bearded but otherwise neat-as-a-new-pin figure a bitter look. 'And because of that we'll just float through the terminal unnoticed. You won't be happy until we all look like you.'

The bite in his voice took Galen aback. 'You think I disapprove of you?'

Halfway out of what had once been an acid yellow shirt, his dark skin gleaming in the flickering flames of the fire, Bob nodded vehemently. 'That's exactly what I think! I've seen you watching us, as if we're some interesting specimens you've discovered under a rock. All a bit beneath you, aren't we? Loose-living layabouts, with no morals or sense. Well, your pedestal isn't so damn high!' 

The venom behind the attack caught Galen unprepared. 'You're wrong. I never thought that, though I admit I'm not accustomed to living in such close proximity to so many people.' He made an oddly helpless gesture. 'I've never known this kind of freedom. I've got more in common with Bruce than theatre folk. But I'm trying to understand. Bear with me. It isn't easy for any of us.' Wary of his emotional instability, he retreated before Bob could reply.

He told himself that it was ridiculous, that he didn't know them and could care less what they thought of him. Then he admitted he was lying - not that it helped. He took out his pocket torch, checked his maps and tried to concentrate on memorising the finer points of the route to the terminal.

Distant sounds, then their lack, told him when the troupe had finished setting up camp. He gave a faint smile when he heard muted squawks indicating that the water was as cold as he had warned. At least this part of the Island was uncontaminated. Once they crossed to Sector K he should be able to steal some transport and get them to China and out of his life. 

He felt a long way from home, except that he did not have a home, only an empty house.

'No one'? Bob had said.

Until he had come here Galen had rarely felt the lack. Zax would never think of him as anything but the possessor of a cruel tongue. In recent days even gibes had failed to draw Zax from his retreat into his shadow world.

'Shift up,' said Bob quietly, breaking into Galen's reverie.

Galen did so automatically and took the steaming mug held out to him with a nod of thanks. 'I thought we were going to save the last of the coffee.'

'We are, which is why we're sharing this. Sorry about snapping your head off. I'm just so scared about tomorrow - if they catch us. To think I was complaining about being bored a few months ago,' Bob mused, trying to make light of it.

'Would you go back, if you could?' asked Galen, belatedly appreciating that he was not the only person to have his life turned inside out.

'I wouldn't change a thing - except the way Zax is. What are we going to do about him?'

'Cropping his hair and shaving off his beard should make enough difference. How many people would recognise him without his stage make-up?' said Galen, wilfully misunderstanding.

'I wish the problem was that simple.'

Galen stared into the depths of his mug. There was so much he wanted to know but refused to ask, already wary of his level of commitment. This was a job, when it was over he had his own life to lead. He nudged Bob's arm and passed him the mug. 'Here. How was Zax attacked?'

'I'm not sure how it began but he didn't have that scar on his forehead before the attack. When he fell the audience invaded the stage and tried to kick him to death. Why?'

His belly clenching, it was a moment before Galen replied. 'It started with a stone.' 

Not understanding the relevance, Bob looked away from Galen's unguarded profile, taking no pleasure in seeing him this vulnerable. 'Perhaps. I was watching Zax when he was with you. It's the first time I've see him smile like that in months. Way before he was attacked.'

'Well, I soon put a stop to that.'

'There's nothing to stop you from putting it right again,' said Bob, gloomily convinced that Zax had a far more important loss eating at him.

Galen gave him a sceptical look. 'Drink your coffee.'

The finality in his tone told Bob that the exchange of confidences was over before it had begun.

'The rest is yours,' he said easily. 'I'm off to get Anike to cut my hair before I scrub her back. What about you? Your cover will be blown if you're seen with us.'

'You'll be with _me_.'

Bob thought it would be a brave Regulator who would question Galen too closely. More positive about their chances, he was whistling an old number from the show, a new spring to his step as he headed for the cave.

Much as he longed to be clean, Galen wanted to avoid the risk of encountering Zax. He had no experience in the role of comforter and did not know how to deal with this longing to assuage the pain Zax was experiencing. Unfair that one man could have this affect on him, Zax employing no arts to attract that he could detect.

The mainspring behind their journey had been broken before they set out. Zax spoke when directly addressed but his attempts to respond to his friends was painful to watch. Galen had come to realise that what Zax had sought with him had been an escape from reality by the only means he believed was left to him, the bringing of delight with his body. And he had rejected that gift as something of no value.

Galen tried to imagine what it meant to be an entertainer stripped of his talent. Zax's delusion that he was a magician was not one he could share. A pragmatist, if he could not smell, touch or taste it, he did not want to know. Rumours of magic were a childish superstition encouraged by a skilful showman, Zax's art wholly that of deception. Galen's impatience with that conceit and Zax's inertia had eroded his temper to the point where he had heard himself goading a man already pushed to the limit. He had sounded like a Regulator, one of the black leather bullies. Worse, he had not been able to stop himself.

As a boy he had sworn that no one would ever have the power to hurt him again. Fine sentiments, but they came too late. Somehow, while he had watched that poor quality tape in the Controller's room, the course of his life had changed as he was sucked under Zax's spell.

Ironic, because Zax barely knew he existed.

Galen sighed, gathered up his belongings and reluctantly returned to the campsite. The women had done him proud, now dowdy and drab shadows of their former selves, the skilful use of make-up ageing them all. Eddy cast a look of bemused pride over his vastly altered harem, stroking them now and then, as if to reassure himself that the change went no deeper than make-up and new, unflattering hair styles.

Galen said all that was appropriate, admiring the subtle addition of grey to Bob's cropped hair and the slight stoop, which added decades to his age.

His razor and clean clothes taken from his pack, Galen accepted the soap he was handed with a grimace. 'Lily of the valley?'

'Your manhood can survive it,' Monica said, giving him a brief one-armed hug. 'We've been saving it for a special occasion.'

'Thank you. I think. Where's Zax?'

'In the cave, shaving.'

By then it was too late to retreat without being obvious about it. His back achingly straight, Galen stepped into the flare-lit gloom, uncertain of the reception he could expect.

The naked spine in front of him was instantly recognisable. He could remember all too clearly the sensation of that skin under his palm, the flex of muscle and sinew, the scent of him, waking or sleeping...

The rasping scratch of the razor stopped and the angle of the mirror changed, offering him his first view of Zax's face. For a few seconds Galen forgot how to breathe as, for the first time, he saw the unadorned face stripped of the concealing beard, with the tangled hair shorn close to the scalp. The lack of hair drew attention to the eyes, the cheekbones and the sinfully tempting mouth, revealing a haunting beauty of imperfection. Clear and cold as glass, the unblinking eyes held his own.

'Well?' said Zax, an edge to his voice.

'You're feeling better,' noted Galen. His view of Zax's face was lost when the mirror was laid flat, leaving him to concentrate on the neat, water-slick head and beautiful lines of his back.

'What makes you think that?'

'The fact you're sitting there arguing about it with me. Before today you wouldn't have noticed me come in.' Galen set down the soap and razor before hanging his clean clothes over the rope slung across a corner of the cave. Clumsy and self-conscious, he undressed. 

'The other morning, when I said what I did... I rarely wake in a good temper. You took me by surprise. I didn't mean... I'm sorry,' he added awkwardly.

'Should I care?' wondered Zax. His voice echoed above the splatter and splash of the water which fell a few feet into the pool. He searched the pockets of the voluminous trousers he was wearing and lit a cigarette, almost accustomed to the mundane necessity of using a match by now.

'No, of course not,' said Galen colourlessly. Naked, and trying to appear at ease with the fact, the clenched muscles of his buttocks betrayed him.

Zax's gaze lingered on the broad back, unblemished except for an ugly scar down one shoulder blade. Compact and neatly muscled, Galen's body was beautiful in the flickering light. His life might have been a confusion of half-sensed events in recent weeks but Zax remembered that powerful body covering him, its strength leashed, and the confusion of emotions which had been submerged by a climax for which Galen felt shame. Was all that brisk assurance a sham?

Zax exhaled slowly. While Galen made him feel both dependant and useless there was _something_ between them. Unless it was nothing more than his need to believe he was still of some worth? His expression softened as he watched Galen dip a toe into the water, wince and hesitate. He smiled openly when Galen jumped in, an appalled exclamation escaping him when he discovered just how cold the water was.

Zax padded over, wearing only a pair of Eddy's trousers, held up by braces as he shrugged into a padded jacket of Galen's. 'I should have warned you,' he said, crouching at the pool's edge. 'They say cold water's invigorating.'

'Then they should try it. I think I'm turning blue.' Galen dared not move in case he swirled icy water over any more of his body.

'Not so far. Turn around.'

'Why?' Galen tried to control his shivering, the water an icy bar swirling around his hips.

'So I can wash your back.' Zax took hold of Galen's shoulder and eased him around.

Protests would have been ludicrous, giving the moment undue significance. Galen stared blankly at the dank stone of the wall a few feet away. His awareness fragmented as he smelled the overly sweet fragrance of the soap and felt the icy trickles of water which made his skin quiver, in contrast to the steady massage of the fingers kneading the tight muscles of his shoulders. His eyelids sank to a close.

'How did you get this scar?' Zax traced it with a gentle finger.

Galen told himself it was the cold that made his skin tingle so. 'Regulators,' he said, because it was easier to fill his mind with the past than to deal with the present. He felt grateful for the icy water; not even Zax could combat the effects of that.

'When?' 

The quiet, deep voice invited confidences. Tired of the struggle, Galen told him everything, even of the woman who had betrayed him to the authorities.

When he fell silent, Zax stared at the averted head before he gave into temptation and leant forward to kiss the scar on Galen's back. 'You were young for such a harsh lesson. But perhaps it's better learnt early in life. Thanks to her this is your only flaw. I thought you must be a Number at first, because of your beauty.'

Galen turned in surprise. 'Me, _beautiful_?' He met an appreciative look which made him flush, despite the chills racking him.

Zax brushed Galen's cheek with fingers numbed by the cold. 'Very. I'm not the only one to think so either. Bob told me you were beautiful. But dumb.' His smile warm and unshadowed, a tiny dimple appeared in one cheek. 'Bob doesn't know the half of it. Ah, I think you really _are_ turning blue with cold. Here.'

Galen took the hand extended to him, left the pool and began to scrub himself dry until his skin was rosy and glowing. But whether the heat came from his exertions, or from the steady gaze that watched his every move, he couldn't have said. Gawky as a teenager, he bundled himself into a clean jumpsuit and fastened it to the throat.

Zax made a sound of protest and carefully drew down the zip to reveal the column of Galen's throat, tracing along his collar bone. 'Don't hide yourself away.'

Certain he must be dreaming, Galen stared at him in mute confusion. 'What is it, this power you've lost?'

This the last question he had expected to hear, Zax flinched, all trace of animation erased. 'Not again! Must I keep remembering?' His voice was harsh and unsteady.

Galen realised too late he had slammed the door in Zax's face. 'I didn't intend to... I'm trying to understand.'

On the point of retreat, Zax froze, uncertain what he should do now he had nothing left to offer, rusty even in the art of seduction. But searching Galen's face he saw no wounding intent, only a kind of bewildered longing. So he tried to convey the enormity of his loss, everything subsidiary to that.

'It was something possessed by my father and his father before him. It was a part of me. As I live and breathe it was a part of me. And I squandered it before I allowed it to be ripped from me while I sought...' His voice trailed away.

'What did you seek?'

'Happiness.'

The word hung between them.

' _Happiness_?' echoed Galen, as if the concept was alien. 'If that's all you were after you'd have been better off with some nice obedient automaton.' He had no way of knowing why Zax flinched and backed away from him.

 

Bob sighed when he saw Zax emerge from the cave alone, his expression and body language angry and defensive. A considerable time later Galen came out; he had not shaved and he looked...

'Damn,' said Bob softly.

Beside him, Monica said something vulgar in her own language and kicked at the grass. 'I thought Galen might have... He'll have to be the one to do it. Zax can't reach out, or not for long enough, and none of us are any good to him at the moment. We just remind him of what he's lost. Besides, they're made for each other.'

'I thought I was the only idiot,' said Bob wryly.

'There's nothing idiotic about worrying about Zax. He's stopped trying to create light or cigarettes. Is that a good sign?'

Bob hugged her close. 'I wish I knew,' he said honestly.

 

About to set off to the transport terminal without pausing to sleep, Galen refused the offers of company. 'Unless you're afraid I'll abandon you here.'

'And would you?' Zax stood on the outer edge of the group, his head cocked.

'Don't tempt me.' Galen left before his control broke.

 

It was twelve hours before they saw Galen again. His expression grim, he did not try to pretty up his report. The terminal was shut, the area swarming with Regulators.

'Are they after Zax?' asked Taruna, handing him a mug of coffee.

'You think they're after Monica? Why they want him so badly is beyond me.'

'The Numbers didn't like the automaton he constructed,' said Sade unguardedly.

'What automaton?' Galen flexed his tense shoulders.

'He built them.' Bob gave the indiscreet Sade a speaking look.

'What did he want them for?' Bone-weary and with no idea where to take them next, Galen wanted the oblivion of sleep, not to hear this.

'To use, of course,' snapped Sade. 

'Sexually?' Galen waited long enough to hear that verified before he escaped, ashamed that his paramount emotion was that of jealousy for the care Zax had lavished on logic circuits.


	7. Chapter 7

SEVEN

Galen snatched a couple of hours sleep before getting them underway again. He set a ruthless pace over increasingly difficult ground, and always in the dusk and dark, when there was no chance of them running into a patrol. Even to one accustomed to life above ground it was bitterly cold, thanks to a flaying north wind; they shared out all their clothing. During the day they slept in whatever shelter Galen could find. They were always hungry, one small meal a day all they dared eat until they found other sources of food. Sometimes they went thirsty when the water they found was contaminated. 

No one complained. While Galen drove them hard, he drove himself harder, sometimes disappearing while they slept to search for anything he could scavenge. Once he ventured into one of the underground shelters, at what risk to himself no one dared ask, his forbidding expression warding off any attempt at personal conversation. But he returned with a large cache of food concentrates, which put new heart into everyone.

Despite the hardship, the troupe grew daily more confident about life above ground. They became used to a silence broken only by the wind in the trees, the sound of running water, or the small creatures which lived around them. They enjoyed the scent of air that had not been recycled a thousand times before, and the smell of vegetation and the wood smoke, which flavoured everything they ate and drank, and which scented their hair and clothing. They had come to enjoy the changes in the weather now they were over the first shock of it. Best of all were the times when they set up camp as the sun rose and sat around the fire, talking.

'If we get to China,' said Anike dreamily, as she stared into the flames, 'I'll - '' 

_If_?' snapped Galen.

'When,' Anike corrected, leaning forward to catch hold of his hand. 'We forget that you must worry about dangers we can't even guess at. It's strange - I'm cold, hungry and I'd sell my soul for a hot bath and clean clothes but I'm enjoying being on the Exterior...being free.'

There were murmurs of assent from the others.

A ridiculous lump in his throat, Galen hunched deeper into his blanket but it was pointless to pretend he had not betrayed himself. Hesitantly, he touched Anike's arm and when that intimacy was not rejected took her hand in a light clasp.

'I'm a bear,' he said apologetically. 'So, when we get to China?' On his other side Sade snuggled closer and he tucked an arm around her without thought, sharing his warmth and warmed in his turn.

'Will we be able to live above ground?' asked Anike. She knew Bob would live wherever she wanted.

'If you had clean water, seed, tools and building materials you could have lived virtually anywhere on the Island. Outside the abandoned cities, of course.'

'Why not there?' asked Rhian, from where she sat propped against the support of Eddy's upraised knees.

Which was how their daily sessions started, during which Galen shared his knowledge, before he listened to their stories of the theatre. Not that he thought many of them were true, but they were entertaining. 

On a good day he could even forget Zax for a short time, until he turned his head to see the lightless eyes staring at something only Zax could see.

oOo

They were back in heavily wooded territory within a week, gnarled root systems and unexpected potholes making the going treacherous in the dark. After two damply miserable nights they found a stone cottage, two of the rooms still possessing a roof and the majority of their walls.

'It's so cold,' said Anike hoarsely, coughing where she sat in the circle of Bob's arm, although there was little practical comfort in the embrace because he was as wet as she was.

'It's close to freezing,' said Galen, grim because he was furious with himself for not being able to do more for them. They had tried so hard to make his task easier.

Everyone had lost weight and condition, their faces pinched with exhaustion; dry clothing and a full belly were distant memories. Even Bob, the strongest of them all, was faltering, his dark skin cracking with the cold. Oddly enough, the only one of them who looked better than when they had started was Zax, which reminded Galen of another resentment.

He turned to where Zax sat, on the outskirts of the troupe. 'Even you should be capable of finding some kindling, while we try to make this place more habitable.'

Zax nodded and wandered off. Some time later he reappeared with worm-eaten furniture he had found in the ruins; some of it was even dry. The edifice he created in the hearth fell in on itself before more than a few slivers had caught light.

Galen looked around from where he had been fastening a covering over a gaping hole which must have once been a window. 'Hand jobs are about all you're good for, aren't they.' Exhaustion and sexual tension had taken their toll on his temper, although why he should be so fixated on a man who said little and did less was a mystery. It was time to exorcise the memory of knowing hands and soft laughter.

'Tonight you'll share my bed, where I can keep an eye on you,' he told Zax, nudging him out of the way.

'If you want.' 

Humiliated, Zax watched the deft competence with which Galen set the fire to rights and their food to warm. It was a stew, of sorts, from the contents of packets, combined with some tough root crops Monica had discovered in a soggy patch of ground behind the ruin. While the troupe rigged up lines on which to hang the damp bedding, Zax stared into the heart of the fire, then stretched out his hand in an imperious, expectant gesture, his will focussed beyond the confines of his body.

Alerted by something he could not explain, Galen turned in time to see Zax sink to his knees, one hand curling over the top of his head.

Bob was at Zax's side in a heartbeat. 'I thought we agreed you would stop trying to do that,' he chided, his hands gentle on Zax's bowed shoulders. 'It'll come back to you in its own good time.'

His breathing ragged, Zax hid his sweating face against his upraised knees. 'I don't think I can wait any longer. Without it I have _nothing_.' Then the pain intensified and he gritted his teeth against a whimper, certain that this time the pressure would not ease.

Let this time see the end of it, he could go no farther.

'What's wrong with him now?' demanded Galen.

'It's a headache.' Bob knew better than to try and explain something he could only guess at. 'He's traumatised.'

'What the fuck does that mean?' Galen hated his feeling of helplessness. 

But the pain was obviously real, Zax's shuddering rasps for air the only sound. Galen fumbled in his baggage and returned with the medikit. After making the necessary checks he set a hypodermic.

Bob stopped him. 'Zax can't take drugs.'

'The scanner says he can take this one. It will relieve his pain.' Galen slowly rubbed Zax's back, needing to feel he was doing something to help.

'Was it designed for someone like Zax?'

'I don't see anything special about him.'

'Just listen! That medication could send him over the edge. It might even kill him. Or is that what you want?'

There was a stark silence.

'Is that what you believe of me?' said Galen, shocked.

'No, of course it isn't,' said Eddy thickly. There was a prosaic pause while he blew his nose, before he gave both men a look of disapproval. 'You're arguing over the poor bastard like two dogs with one bone. Bob's right, Zax can't - or won't - take drugs. Nicotine's the closest I've seen him come to taking anything. He doesn't even drink alcohol. Not that we ever see much of that,' he added wistfully. 'Ina knifed him once. You've seen that scar on his side, so you know how badly he was hurt. Even then he refused to take antibiotics or painkillers. He healed far faster than any of us would have done, but he was in a shocking mood for days.'

'He's crazy and you're crazier for believing him,' said Galen angrily. 'What bought on this attack in the first place? This is more than a headache.'

'He was trying to create fire for you.'

Galen repacked the hypodermic. 'If you don't want to tell me, just say so, don't lie.'

'It _is_ the truth, we've seen Zax do it.' Anike was massaging the tension in Zax's shoulders.

'All of us,' said Monica stoutly.

'There is no such thing as _magic_.' Galen kept his voice level only with some effort.

'So we're all crazy and you know everything there is to know. Well, I've got news for you and this time you're going to listen! Come with me, I don't want any interruptions.' Bob's voice was thick with anger.

It was the force of his grip rather than his vehemence which made Galen go with him - it was that or risk a dislocated shoulder and he was reluctant to get into a fight he knew he would win. Not when they still had so far to travel. Hustled into the adjoining room, he sat when ordered to do so and glowered up at Bob while he rubbed his numb arm.

'What am I supposed to be listening to?'

'What happened to Zax.'

'You told me. He bungled a trick and the audience attacked him. I would have thought it was an occupational hazard.'

'You really don't know, do you,' Bob realised, his anger ebbing away because none of this was Galen's fault.

'Obviously not.'

'Use that tone on me again and I'll set Anike on you.'

Galen gave a faint, unwilling grin and parted his hands in a gesture of surrender.

'That's better. This isn't a war and I don't want to fight you. But you don't understand and because of that you hurt Zax about twice a day, even when you're not trying. What harm can it do to listen? You don't believe there's any such thing as _magic_ , right?'

'Right.'

'Fair enough. What do you believe in?'

'Me,' said Galen promptly.

'I should've guessed.' Bob pushed himself from the support of the wall. 'No, you stay put. I'm going to get us a blanket apiece and some food. When I get back, I'll talk and you'll listen. The change will be good for you.'

Too tired to make an issue of it, Galen did as he was told, his stomach growling with hunger. Bob returned with blankets draped over one shoulder and two mugs of soup.

'So you believe in yourself, and your skills. You're a hunter,' said Bob.

Galen frowned. 'That has a predatory ring to it, but, yes, I suppose I am.'

'You're a hunter all right. Shut your eyes.'

Galen stared at him.

'You heard me. C'mon, shut your eyes, or do you think I'm gonna drink your soup while you're not looking?'

'You _are_ crazy,' said Galen, but he did as he had been told. He heard the soft rustle of clothing as Bob sat beside him.

'Good. What do you see?' Bob's warm voice isolated them in a cocoon of darkness.

'Nothing, I've got my eyes shut.'

'Good.' There was the clink of a spoon on metal. 'Now drink this with your eyes closed. It's on the floor in front of you. No, keep them shut.'

Even with his eyes closed Galen managed a creditable glare. It took him longer than he had expected to locate the mug.

'Not bad,' said Bob, 'even if you did stick your finger in it. You can start to eat now.'

'Thank you, I intend to,' said Galen dryly.

The first spoonful trickled down the side of his mouth.

Bob said nothing.

His jaw clenching, Galen tried again but his hand had started to shake, just a little. The next spoonful dribbled down his chin.

'It's not as easy as you thought, is it. No, keep your eyes shut. Imagine that darkness is all you're ever going to know. How will you survive if you can't feed yourself, even when food's brought to you? That's your way of life gone because you need your eyes to be able to use your skills. So what do you do now? Why should your Controller want you, you've nothing else to offer and you're alone in the dark? Oh, you've got friends around you but you can't see them any more and it's hard to connect with them. Gradually even the memory of sight fades, until you begin to wonder if you imagined it all. Until you think you'll go mad with the longing to see again. Something you took for granted. Until it was gone.'

Bob pounced on the stifled sound of protest. 'You think you'll be any different? Describe the colour green. And eat, damn you!'

His face devoid of colour, Galen's hands shook as he set the mug down unevenly, his meal seeping into the dusty floorboards. Fearful, he opened his eyes, the open relief on his face betraying him; his was a world the disabled did not survive. 'I _can_ see.'

Bob crouched in front of him. 'I know you can but what you have to remember is that right now Zax is a magician who's had his magic ripped from him and he's lost in the darkness.'

Galen flinched.

Satisfied he had got his point across, Bob handed Galen his own meal. 'You have this.'

Galen's fingers curled around the mug, grateful for something substantial to hold on to as the truth seeped in. 'He can really do magic?'

Bob's rich chuckle was the first happy sound for several days. 'You'd better believe it.'

Floundering, Galen sat in silence. He opened his mouth, and then closed it again, his hands parting in a helpless gesture.

Bob smiled and patted his arm. 'Eat. You're bone-tired after caring for us and all I do is bawl you out.'

'It's all right, it's just...' Galen shrugged.

Bob sank back on his heels. 'You still don't believe me, do you,' he recognised.

Galen shook his head with some reluctance. 'About his special powers, no, I don't. But I do believe he thinks it's true. Sometimes that's all it takes. Besides, how do you describe the colour green?'

'Zax's eyes?' suggested Bob.

Galen had not expected that and panic almost drove him from the room when he realised his most private desires were the talk of the troupe. Then it occurred to him that they must have known for some time and he gave a rueful sigh. 'That will never happen. We would destroy one another.'

'You can't be sure of that until you try.'

'I wouldn't risk it, it means too much. I hope you're wrong about the magic though, because if I'm still around when it comes back he'll fry me.'

'Like an egg,' confirmed Bob placidly. 'I've never seen him like this. Make the most of it because he's not much given to turning the other cheek. Or doing anything he doesn't want to. Like you, he's used to getting his own way. Once he comes out of shock you'll wonder what's hit you. He can be a real bastard.' There was nothing but affectionate acceptance in his voice.

'You mean he'd really kill me?' 

Bob gave Galen a look of dismay. 'You really don't know him, do you? Zax might have one hell of a temper but he isn't into wanton violence and he doesn't kill. Not even in self-defence. When his audience turned on him he was standing beside a case of swords sharp enough to slice through two of us. He didn't even try to reach for one, so the crowd tried to kick him to death. I'll tell you what I can but even we don't know much about him. Only that he took us in when he didn't have to, that he fed and clothed us, gave us meaningful work and treated us with respect. I love him, but I wouldn't claim to _know_ him. It's as if he's afraid to let anyone too close. If you want him, try offering a little of yourself. Now, what is it you want to know? Only make it snappy, Anike's waiting for me, all warm and tender, but thanks to this mean bastard who drags us up just when the sap's rising we're feeling deprived.'

'You could have fooled me,' said Galen, smiling. He was becoming accustomed to communal life, coming to see a kind of order in what he had taken for chaos. The welfare of every person was becoming more important to him with each day that passed. 'I want to know about Zax,' he admitted.

'It might help if you understood the events which led up to the audience attacking him. We forgot you don't know how it started...'

 

Bob paused when he heard the soft huff when Galen exhaled.

'Zax was the Name who constructed that replica of F9895?' asked Galen.

'No one else would dare mess with Numbers. Not even me, and I had a job at the Centre. He was obsessed with F - Veronica, he called her. How do you know her Number?' Bob's suspicion was rewarded with a grin. 

'It's a bit late to worry about my motives now. You've forgotten, They called me in to service Bruce. What no one knows, because Bruce isn't going to tell anyone, is that he now possesses a - for want of a better word for it - soul. The soul of F9895. Interesting, isn't it?'

'It's grotesque. Sick!'

'No more so than F9895 agreeing to take part in the experiment in the first place,' Galen pointed out.

Bob thought about it. 'Perhaps,' he said grudgingly. 'It doesn't mean I have to approve. Damn it, I _liked_ Bruce.' Betrayal echoed in his voice.

'You were right to. How do you suppose I knew who to ask about Zax? It was Bruce who gave me the first indication that Zax might not be dead. He could have got the Regulators to haul you in for questioning and he didn't. He said you had great potential.'

'For what?'

'Whatever you wanted to be.'

Optimistic and resilient, Bob's mood lifted as he absorbed what Galen had told him. 'Veronica might end up more human inside Bruce. The only emotion I ever saw her display was curiosity. Why didn't you tell me she was safe before now?'

'Because no one thought to tell me just how good an engineer Zax is. You told me he used automatons. I thought of a sex doll, nothing like the complexity of what he achieved with Veronica. Where did he learn to do that? Don't tell me, it's _magic_.'

Bob chuckled. 'I asked him once. He said he's always been good with his hands - not that you'd know it to watch him doing regular chores. Where are you going?'

'To see if Zax is in any state to hear the truth,' said Galen, mildly surprised he should have to explain the obvious. 'If he was that obsessed with F - Veronica - then knowing he isn't responsible for what happened to her might be enough to bring him out of that half-world he's hiding in.'

'Yes,' said Bob to himself, when Galen had left the room, 'but fancy you thinking of that.'


	8. Chapter 8

EIGHT

 

The other room was quiet, except for the hiss of the fire as occasional drops of rain blew in, and the howl of the wind outside. Zax lay in front of the hearth. Even the rosy warmth of the fire wasn't enough to bring colour to his skin. His eyes closed, he seemed to be asleep but lines of strain were engraved on his face.

Galen crouched beside him but resisted the temptation to touch. 

'How is he?' he asked quietly, when he realised the rest of the troupe were not, as he had supposed, asleep.

'Tired. He'll be all right,' Anike reassured him. 'Now you're here we'll move into the other room to give him some peace. There's soup keeping warm in the hearth, if you can persuade him to drink any. If you need help, you know where we are.' She bent and kissed the top of Galen's head on her way out.

Taken aback by the affection in the gesture, Galen pushed away the memories crowding in on him to study Zax. Defenceless in the sleep of utter exhaustion, his unguarded face possessed an oddly timeless quality, making it difficult to guess his age. While the newly cropped hair was threaded with grey, the beautiful hands and throat belonged to a man in his prime. Galen wondered when Zax had decided to be a conjuror, and why, before he made a conscious mental adjustment. Not a conjuror. While he knew intellectually that there was no such thing as _magic_ , what he knew was irrelevant, it was what others believed that was important. Given Zax's skill as a performer it was easy to understand how belief in his magical powers had spread, gaining momentum until even Zax himself had come to believe it. 

So...he was a magician.

With the best will in the world Galen could not do more than pay the idea lip service. His life had been one in which there were no mysteries which could not be solved by science. 

He sat in the dark, musing about the inner desolation which could lead a man to seek anything from an automaton. Even in sleep the close-lidded face looked unhappy. In that moment he would have given Zax whatever it was he mourned, if it had been within his power. It was a foolish whimsy and Galen grimaced at his sentimentality before collecting his bedding, undressing and settling beside Zax. He wanted to be here when Zax woke so he could tell him the news about Veronica, in the hope of lifting the shadows from those beautiful eyes. 

 

 

'What I don't understand is why you should have thought the fault was yours. It takes more than positive thinking to effect something so complex,' Galen told Zax with some asperity.

'Not necessarily,' murmured Zax, remembering.

Galen stiffened, suspecting mockery, then realised Zax was not aware he had spoken aloud. 'You believe me?'

'What?' Zax turned to him, drawn by something he was too weary to give name. 'Of course. You have no reason to lie. Even though my memories of that time are confused I didn't understand how I could have done it. I assumed the will must have effected the deed. I'd give a lot to know how Bruce managed what he did.'

'So would I. He's far more sophisticated than I expected. I worked only in areas where he chose to give me access. He didn't need a service, or anything else from me.'

'Are you telling me that he planned to house her soul from the beginning?'

Galen shrugged. 'It's more probable than possible.'

Zax uncoiled to stretch at leisure, easy and sensuous within his own flesh once more. 'So a programmed bunch of logic circuits wanted a soul all along.' He sounded fascinated by the idea.

Galen gave him a look of approval. There was more than an entertainer's art and a harlot's smile at work behind that exotic face. 'It isn't an opinion I'd care to repeat to anyone else, but yes, I think he did.'

'How could he know where her soul would wander?'

'I don't think it mattered where. It was enough that it would. Bruce knew she'd have nowhere else to go.'

'Unless I reached out and called her to me.'

'And did you?' asked Galen, interested but sceptical.

'I didn't get the chance. The buggers must have re-timed the final experiment.'

To Galen's amusement Zax sounded annoyed. 'How inconsiderate of them.'

'Are you laughing at me?'

The corners of Galen's eyes crinkled with betraying humour. 'Yes. Does it bother you?'

'Of course it...' There was a flash of white as Zax gave a rueful grin, shrugged and pulled an engaging face. 'I know it's stupid to argue over who would have succeeded in giving her shelter. I can't even remember why I thought I wanted her. It wasn't so much her for her own sake, even if I did realise that too late.' His mind was already on a new tack. 'I'd like to meet Bruce.'

'No.' Galen's denial was vehement and instinctive.

'Why not?' Flame-lit and imperious, Zax out-stared him with ease.

'I mean that while you're heading in the opposite direction it's pointless to speculate,' lied Galen. Benign and mild, Bruce would shred Zax's mind in seconds.

'Perhaps.'

Irritated, Galen sighed. 'You'd never get into the Centre. Every Regulator on the Island is after you.'

'They haven't caught me yet.'

'No thanks to your efforts,' retorted Galen, with a tart honesty that made Zax grin again.

'You're angry,' he said, on a note of discovery, feeling oddly light-hearted as it sank in that he had not been responsible for Veronica's death.

'Of course I'm angry. You walk around like one of the living dead for weeks on end, then blithely come to and announce you'd like to go back and meet one of the most sophisticated computers on the planet.' Galen watched Zax add wood to the fire. His deft, quick movements were one of the most beautiful sights he had seen after weeks of watching Zax struggle to do more than walk and breathe at the same time.

'What is it you want from life, do you know?' Galen was surprised to hear himself ask. He was even more surprised when he got a reply.

'Not any more. Perhaps I never did. Right now it doesn't seem to matter.' Zax sounded supremely unconcerned by his lack of purpose. His tongue curled like a cat when he yawned, before he stretched with obvious well-being. 'I'm tired. You must be too.' His gaze was disconcertingly shrewd. 'You stayed awake half the day to tell me something that could have waited until evening. Why?'

'I thought you'd like to know.' The smell of wood smoke and a warm, sleepy Zax were seductive.

'Yes. And I'm grateful.' Zax hesitated. 'Once I made a mistake in assuming I knew what you wanted. I don't want to give offence again. May I touch you?'

Scalded by the memory of his over-reaction, Galen looked down, wary of what his expression might betray.

'Ah, even now I'm clumsy. I meant only... Do I repulse you?' 

Galen felt Zax's warmth brush his side. Filled with an aching expectancy, his touch-starved body curved into Zax's.

Innocent of guile, Zax smiled and brushed Galen's cheek with his mouth. 'Thank you.'

His back to the fire, he resettled himself on the bedroll and eased Galen down, fitting their bodies together as easily as if they had been doing this for years. Snuggled under the covers, he gave a contented sigh and sank into sleep within seconds.

Conscious of stillness where he ached for movement, Galen shifted his head the better to direct his glare but could not see the averted face. He would have to remind Zax to shave, he mused, aware of the prickle of stubble on his upper arm. The truth dawned on him only with the deep regularity of the breath scudding sweetly into his neck. Aroused, and frozen down his left side, he made an exasperated sound deep in his throat. But his arm encircling the sleeping man, he made no attempt to disturb him nor, as the minutes slid by, did he attempt to question his growing sense of contentment.

 

 

While he was only half-awake, Galen's expression still packed quite a punch. 

'I fell asleep on you.' Zax's apology was ruined by the sparkle in his eyes. 

He looked rumpled and warm, all inviting mouth and come-to-bed eyes, and Galen wanted him so badly he could barely remember his own name. 'I noticed.'

'Yes, I suppose you must have done. But contrition is all.' Zax's speculative gaze drifted over Galen's bare torso with no attempt at subtlety and Galen's body was flooded with heat.

'What is _magic_?' Galen asked, needing distraction from his prick.

Zax did not move but his withdrawal was apparent for all that, warmth vanishing from his expressionless face.

'I'm trying to understand,' added Galen clumsily. 'Your world is as foreign to me as mine is to you.'

In the silence which followed he watched the tense set of Zax's shoulders relax. When Zax touched him, the warmth of his hand on his shoulder was like a brand. The change from zombie to the assured arrogance of the man seemingly intent on making his body his playground left Galen as nervous as if this was his first time with a lover.

'Yet you feel familiar.'

It was a moment before Galen realised he was being teased. 'You know what I mean,' he insisted, refusing to be diverted by Zax's close proximity, or the tongue tip tasting the skin of his shoulder - an intimacy which went straight to his prick.

'Yes, but not why it should interest you so much. Unless you're thinking of auditioning for a role in the troupe - the sorcerer's apprentice perhaps?' There was a flick of bitterness in Zax's voice now.

'Don't!' protested Galen involuntarily. 'Don't mock something that's so important to you.'

'So you understand that much about me.' Zax stared through Galen, the realisation of his loss like a rawly pulsating wound. 'Magic is...' He grimaced and shrugged. 'How can I explain something I don't understand myself?'

'You could try.'

His chin raised, Zax swallowed his cutting retort when he saw Galen's tentative expression. He felt an unexpected affection for the man who was proving to be as vulnerable to hurt as anyone else - perhaps more so than many. Because he found it too easy to savage those who failed to recognise the boundaries he set, he took extra care with his reply.

'What do you see when you look in the fire?'

The drift of the soft voice was seductive and Galen shook himself like a dog come in from the rain. 'Burning logs,' he said, rejecting any hint of mystery. He flinched when Zax stroked his cheek with the pad of his index finger, then paused to brush the centre of his mouth.

'If you would have me deal honestly with you, then you'll have to be honest with me.'

Galen forced himself to meet Zax's gaze. 'There's been no room for fantasy in my life.'

Zax's mouth softened. 'Ah, come here.'

As he spoke he stroked away the covers preserving Galen's modesty and eased in beside him. The shock of skin on skin made Galen shiver.

'What if someone comes in?' he gasped, caught between desire and horror at his potential exhibitionism.

Zax had never known such qualms but he did not tease - too much. 'They won't mind.'

He rubbed his faintly abrasive chin over Galen's stomach, his fingertips flat against the fluttering muscles, before he leant over the arching prick. He breathed on the head to some purpose, his mouth and fingers never quite making contact as they stroked Galen's lower belly and inner thighs.

When it became too much, Galen found the trust to whisper: 'Please,' his head falling back as Zax's mouth slowly sank over him, all wet warmth and soft, sucking demand. His hands curling into fists, his face scrunched, Galen had the look of a man undergoing tortures.

If Zax noticed he was receiving the same attention as a raddled street whore, he gave no sign of it. His cheeks hollowing, he caressed Galen's balls, sucking strongly until Galen arched and came with a soft gasp.

It took Galen some moments to return to himself, his eyes still looking dark and dazed. 'I didn't... That is...' He sat up, only now thinking of Zax. 'You're not even hard.' It had the sound of an accusation.

Zax's look of triumph died. 'Does it matter?'

'It does to me.'

Zax evaded Galen's touch to roll onto his belly, his chin propped on his clasped hands. 'I was afraid you'd expect that.'

'Afraid?' repeated Galen, made stupid with repletion. He watched what he could see of the averted face, then settled a hand in the downy hollow of Zax's spine. When the touch was not rejected he stroked him gently.

'It's as good a word as any. The ability to respond has left me. Did you think I'd welcome your contempt by announcing I'm a eunuch!' Despite himself, Zax's voice broke on the word.

Galen went very still, then remembered how to breathe. 'Is that what you expect from me?'

Zax turned on his side the better to direct his glare. 'Why wouldn't I? I didn't mean that,' he muttered ungraciously, wondering when it had become so confusing. Galen was little more than a stranger, and a stranger he must stay. Let Ina be his last mistake, pity made for unhappy bedmates. In the past, sex had provided a means of escape, now even that was lost to him. And if he was not a man, what was there left? Shrouded in misery, his head dropped onto his linked hands.

The sound of Galen's soft laughter was the last straw. Zax pushed himself up to glare at his tormentor. 'You find my impotence amusing?' He straddled Galen in one fluid movement.

Comfortably aware of the velvety weight of the genitals settled on his belly, Galen slid his palms up and down Zax's thighs. 'Has it occurred to you that things might look brighter if you stopped taking yourself so seriously? Given how badly you were injured it's a wonder you've been able to keep one foot in front of the other, never mind have a sex life. Not to mention poor diet and the cold. Stop worrying. It will come back once you've healed and had a chance to rest.'

'Who said I was worried about it?' said Zax, roused from melancholy by the ludicrous argument.

'I'm glad you're not. There's no need. But I would have preferred to share the pleasure. There are other ways.'

When Zax slid from him Galen was conscious of the chill after their shared heat.

'I don't know why this had to get so complicated,' complained Zax, distracted. 'What are we arguing about? You wanted a blow job, you got one. There isn't any more.'

'Then why should my opinion matter to you?' Galen asked reasonably.

Zax was on his feet and out of the room so fast that for a moment Galen thought he must have imagined it, except that one of the blankets was missing.

He fell into an uneasy doze waiting for Zax to return, starting awake when a cold body slid in beside him with a caution that would have been laughable had the circumstances been different.

'I see it's still raining,' Galen said, disdaining pretence.

'It matters,' said Zax irritably, as if there had been no hiatus, taking it for granted Galen would know what he was talking about. 'It matters because, for some reason I don't pretend to understand, I like you. Now can we drop the subject? I can't get it up, you can. Let's make the most of what we've got.' He buried his wet face in the pillow with the finality of a man on the edge of sleep. It might have been convincing if he had not been shivering like a man with the ague.

Uncertain if he had been given everything or nothing, Galen said: 'All I've got at the moment is your cold feet. Hand back those covers you stole. If you're that cold you can damn well cuddle me.'

To his surprise, after mumbling something uncomplimentary, Zax did as he had been commanded.

 

 

Blissfully warm, and surprisingly comfortable once their bodies learnt to accommodate one another, Galen jolted fully awake when he became conscious of the hand palming his backside.

Instinct took over and a moment later he was on his feet, dragging the covers with him. Only then appreciating his over-reaction, he stopped but his eyes were still wide, his hands turned into fists at his side.

'What happened?' Groggily awake, Zax lurched over to him, looking around as if expecting imminent attack.

Galen hitched a blanket around himself. 'You touched my arse. I don't like being touched there. Don't do it again. Next time I might not be awake enough to control my reaction.' It was difficult to make himself vulnerable by explaining something so personal and he knew he was talking too fast and was not sure if what he had said made sense. It was easier than he had expected to meet Zax's eyes.

'I'm glad you told me,' said Zax matter-of-factly. 'It won't happen again.'

Rather than asking any of the questions Galen had been braced to reject, he began to remake their bed. 

'I think you'd better see to the fire. I don't seem to have the knack,' Zax said wryly, as he straightened.

Glad of something to do, Galen took his time over the task. He was shivering violently by the time he had finished but he still hesitated at the side of the bed, where Zax had already made himself comfortable, the blankets twitched so high that only the top of his head and tip of his ear were visible. 

As if sensing he was under surveillance, Zax flicked back the covers on Galen's side of the bed. 'Eunuch,' he said, gesturing to himself; he almost managed to make a joke of it.

Still shuddering with the cold, Galen got in beside him. 'Aren't we all, one way or another?'

Zax did not cuddle close but he did redistribute the blankets to Galen's advantage.

Still wondering what had prompted him to tell Zax something so private, Galen shut his eyes and hoped for unconsciousness. 

Accustomed to disappointment, he was still awake an hour later but by that time he had realised that Zax, motionless beside him, was also awake.

'You don't have to worry about me attacking you in your sleep,' Galen said quietly, watching the plumes of white as his breath wreathed out into the cold air.

'I wasn't. Would you rather I slept somewhere else? I'm a restless sleeper, I might brush against you.'

'No. You should try to sleep.'

'I'm too cold.'

Galen turned his head then, and saw that the tip of Zax's nose was an unattractive shade of red.

'Then snuggle up. I'm not that paranoid,' he added, when Zax hesitated. 'And I'm freezing too.'

Moments later they were spooned together, Zax's arm tucked over Galen's waist, his groin fitting snugly against the curve of Galen's rump. The tip of his cold nose rested against the back of Galen's neck.

'I've never taken anything that hasn't been freely offered,' murmured Zax.

'It never really occurred to me that you would. Same here,' added Galen.

'I know.'

Zax rubbed his cheek against Galen's back and Galen wriggled until he was completely comfortable as he soaked up the warmth the other man was generating. They were both asleep within five minutes.

 

oOo

 

Wary in case Zax took advantage of his moment of vulnerability, Galen relaxed when Zax all but ignored him when they travelled that night. But in the morning Zax took it for granted they would share a bed. Despite himself, Galen trusted him, less because of Zax's impotence than because of the delicacy with which Zax had respected his privacy.

But Galen's body knew what it wanted, his prick stirring even before Zax got into bed beside him.

Matter-of-fact and efficient, Zax curved a hand around Galen's erection, then leant in to suck Galen's ear lobe.

Galen gasped, that friendly caress seeming more intimate than the thumb teasing the eye of his prick.

When he came, he buried his face against Zax's shoulder, but Zax evaded his kiss with a sharp: 'Don't!'

And Galen tried not to question the embargo.


	9. Chapter 9

NINE

It took several days for Galen to recognise what Zax was doing. He tried to persuade himself it was a beginning, while knowing it to be no more than a dead end as Zax hid behind the role of whore, peddling his expertise. At no time did he permit the illusion that this was a time of sharing, or that he wanted anything from Galen.

Weighed down with dull misery, Galen stubbornly refused to give up hope of coaxing Zax into wanting him. Mocking reality was the practised skill with which Zax applied the various techniques to arouse and stimulate. Trapped in the web of sensation being spun for him, Galen learnt that attempts to reciprocate resulted only in Zax leaving, so he allowed his errant body to be serviced and wondered why it should feel so lonely.

Sometimes he would stir in his sleep, imagining that he had felt lips brush his skin. Then he would meet those wide, endlessly ambiguous eyes and recognised that all pathways to the mystery of the man existing behind the screen of sensuality were closed to him, Zax isolating himself more effectively than if he had constructed a solid barrier.

oOo

After another two weeks Galen brought them to what was left of a ruined city, whose readings showed it was safe to enter. On its outskirts they found privacy in plenty for those who wanted it, many of the buildings in an almost luxurious state compared to what they had endured. Galen selected a house some distance from the one chosen by the others and settled down for sleep. It was hard to come by, the silence strange after travelling in a group for so long.

Then Zax came into the room, set out his bedding, quietly undressed and slid in beside him. It was the first time they had been so completely alone. Galen resolutely kept his eyes shut and his back to the other man. At first he thought his ploy had failed until he felt the seemingly casual brush of a familiar body against him. His flesh tingled in betrayal. Irritable with the ease with which his resolution could be eroded, he wriggled away until he was curled on the edge of the bedroll.

After this second, pointed rejection Zax did not attempt to follow him.

The silence reached deafening proportions.

Galen finally admitted defeat and turned to see Zax lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His eyes bleak, an unhappy droop to his mouth, he looked so defeated that Galen's pose of indifference fell away. Careless of probable rejection, he leant over Zax.

'Don't look like that,' he whispered. 'Whatever it is, don't close me out.' Then he found that cool mouth with his own.

The intimacy of the kiss was something Zax had taken care to avoid. Warm, undemanding and giving, Galen traced the full lower lip with the tip of his tongue before gently mouthing it until Zax responded despite himself, helpless against the sweetness of the kiss. Before it could deepen he pulled away, turning his head in rejection.

'Don't.' 

'So my touch disgusts you that much.' Galen discovered within himself a capacity for surprise at how much that hurt.

'Don't be ridiculous. But I don't want your... Pity is the coldest gift of all.'

' _Pity_!' His fingers bracketing the set mouth, Galen's eyes smouldered with a dangerous anger. 'Are you wilfully stupid?' he hissed, his grip tightening to the point where Zax could not have replied if he wanted to. 'Ironic to realise I've come to the point where I wouldn't care why, if you would only offer me one unpremeditated touch.' He released Zax and sank back on his haunches. 'Have it your own way. Whatever it takes to make you value yourself as others do isn't in my power.'

'It never will be. Accept that for both our sakes.'

Galen was in no state to hear the note of defiance, or to notice the fingers that curled in the bedding in case they reached out to him. He dressed and left without looking back.

Wrapped in blankets, Zax sat watching the doorway, waiting for him to return. He had never before considered how many waking hours he spent thinking about Galen. The hint of obsession disconcerted him; over the years he had become accustomed to being the subject of fantasy from besotted members of the audience but he had never felt anything for them - or anyone else. 

It would be easy enough to drive Galen away, he had always found it easy to wound those who demanded more than he was willing to give, but every time he marshalled his defences he glimpsed the bewildered longing in Galen's eyes and was lost. Something about Galen made Zax careful, as he had never thought to be with anyone else, wary of causing unnecessary pain. And in the enforced intimacy of their bed he was free to bring relief to the beautiful, touch-starved body - to feel he still had something of worth to give.

It did not occur to him to wonder what Galen thought about it.

oOo

After another week of misery, during which everyone fervently wished they were somewhere else, they descended the last rocky scree. As the sun slid sullenly up over the horizon Galen brought them to a halt at the edge of dark, densely-treed wood.

Once inside its shelter they found it to be an uncomfortable refuge. The only trees were sweet chestnuts, aged and closely packed. But at least the ground was soft, carpeted with a thick layer of dry leaves, beneath which was the rotting underlay; the air was thick with the sickly-sweet reek of decay. It was quiet, except for the rustle of leaves underfoot; there was not enough light for vegetation to survive at ground level. Galen headed in the direction of the stream shown on the map. To his relief the water was drinkable and there was some higher ground a short distance away which would make a good camp. 

He busied himself with unpacking, overly conscious of the mute, introspective figure of Zax, sitting with an arm relaxed over the bent knee drawn up to his chest. There was a deep furrow between his eyes as he focussed on something Galen could only guess at. He looked pale, under-nourished and bone-tired, as did they all; their arduous trek during inclement weather on an inadequate diet was taking its toll.

Bob sat beside Zax, his mouth set in unusually stern lines. His old boots had disintegrated and thanks to a scarcely worn spare pair, his feet were a mess of raw skin. He was out of patience with everyone and ready to sell his soul for dry clothes and a hot meal. 

Perched on the other side of Zax, Eddy pulled off his wet socks and began to squeeze liquid from them as he cast a disenchanted eye around the small clearing. 'Just what we need, another sodding wood.'

Galen stalked over to Zax, mistaking the source of the complaint. 'So you're not happy with our location?'

Zax's gaze was slow to refocus. 'Should I be? We're cold, we're wet, we're tired and, for all we know, lost. Where have you bought us now?' 

'Seven miles from a terminal. I'll check it out after we've eaten. And if I'm wrong about this one, you can lead us. _Magician_!' Galen spat out the word in derisive accusation, eaten by jealousy for whatever it was Zax mourned because he knew it was something he could never share.

' _Me_ lead _you_?' Zax had come to appreciate how mistaken he had been in his dealings with Galen but he could not see any way out of it; he did not want to see Galen trapped as Ina had believed herself to be. 

'Why shouldn't you take on some responsibility? You can't entertain, make fire or conversation. You won't even fuck. But even you should be able to get us lost. I manage it admirably.' Galen was bitterly conscious that he had failed them all. If this terminal was closed, or as heavily guarded as the others, he had no idea how to get them off the Island. The heavy concentration of Regulators around the terminals proved how badly they wanted Zax. They were welcome to him.

'We'll accompany you?' said Zax. 

'What for?' said Galen with honest surprise.

His mask of unconcern falling away, Zax got to his feet. 'It's too dangerous for one man to go alone. You should have someone to guard your back.'

'Like you?'

'Even I would be better than no one.' Zax seemed unmoved by that reminder of his uselessness.

'I'm going alone.' Galen turned away.

'Would you leave us?' 

It was a moment before Galen realised Zax was asking for a moment of privacy with him. 'Why? There's nothing you can say that they can't hear.'

'Bob, Eddy?' Zax's gaze remained on Galen.

'I'm tired,' said Bob, uncooperatively.

'We're all tired, except for our tame conjuror. I suppose it's too much to hope that you might consider helping to set up camp,' said Galen.

Zax ignored the gibe and held out one hand. 'Please. I need to speak to you.'

Galen met those wide, lucid eyes and was lost. A belligerent expression masking his vulnerability, he took a firm grasp of the cold fingers. 'This had better be worth getting wet for.'

Zax led them deeper into the wood, only the crunch and crackle of decaying twigs and vegetation under their feet breaking the silence.

'Of course, why didn't I guess. This is the perfect place for a declaration of undying devotion,' said Galen, as Zax slowed to a standstill when the others were lost from view.

'Galen, don't.'

'Don't what? You've made it perfectly plain that you have no interest in what I think or feel. So what is it that I mustn't do?'

Zax took a patient breath, realising he was in danger of piling mistake on mistake. But he refused to be sidetracked from the subject of Galen's safety. 'Take us with you. I sense...' Sombre and introspective, he shivered. 'I sense danger.'

'Oh, a soothsayer as well, are you? Is that it?'

Zax made a sound of frustration, shoved Galen back against the tree, took his face in a two-handed grasp and plundered his mouth in a searching kiss of pure possession. It was over as abruptly as it had begun. While they were still physically close, they were two separate entities once more, Zax a passive warmth against Galen, as if trying to communicate by osmosis rather than by the danger of words. 

Galen just stood there, still feeling the pressure of Zax's lips and the presence of his tongue but it was difficult to be certain about much while his prick was doing most of his thinking. Grateful for the support of the tree at his back because his legs felt stupidly unsteady, he shut his eyes. The raw surge of want was slow to recede, like waves breaking over him, tossing him out only to draw him back again, but eventually he was able to think of more than sex.

'Let me go,' he said, with a hard-won calm.

His hands gentle now, Zax ran them down Galen's arms, wrists and fingers before releasing him and stepping back several paces.

'Why did you do that?' asked Galen.

'It was that or hit you.'

'Next time don't hesitate, just hit me.' Galen remained braced for the attack which never came.

Defensive anger drained away, Zax shook his bent head as he toed a clump of rotting leaves. 'I meant to explain myself so clearly, instead... I'm sorry, I didn't intend to impose...' Soft with regret, his voice faded into silence. 'Take us with you.'

Galen tried to concentrate on anything but Zax's mouth. He accepted that to a man who had spent his life in the claustrophobic environment of the Maze the Exterior must seem vast and threatening, he was only surprised the troupe had withstood the change so well. 

'I have to leave you in shelter, where I can be sure of finding you. This is the only shelter for miles. Unless you give me good cause how can I ask the others to move to where there would be no protection? I know a wood can seem a threatening place but you'll be safe here.'

Zax could think of nothing to say that would not lead to another argument. It was natural for Galen to assume he was thinking of his own skin.

'I must leave if I'm to be back before nightfall,' added Galen.

'If you won't take me with you, then take Eddy and Bob. You're tired. You'll make too easy a target.'

'Fine.' Galen capitulated because it was the easier option. 'Are you sure you'll be all right without them?'

A rare colour rose, scalding the too-prominent cheekbones. 'Why shouldn't I be? I'll have the girls to protect me.' 

Zax returned to the campsite so fast that Galen failed to catch up with him. By the time he got there Zax was kneeling beside Monica, tending to a gash on her knee.

Galen hesitated. To apologise would only compound his offence, so he merely asked Eddy and Bob to accompany him. He pretended not to notice the glances they shot at Zax before they agreed. So even they had recognised Zax's concern...

'I wish I'd spent more time amongst the Names,' he muttered, as the three of them set off.

Bob ignored the agony of his blistered feet to give Galen an affectionate grin, having a shrewd idea what lay behind that remark. 'You'll get the hang of us.'

'You think?' said Galen with gloom.

'What have you been used to then?' asked Eddy. 'Numbers?'

'My own company mostly.'

'Not to worry, anything's got to be better than that.' Eddy held out a hand to help Galen up the steep scree, over which they were scrambling.

Galen paid him the compliment of accepting the unneeded aid.

'Look, mate, if I can cope with four women, you can handle one inclined-to-be-stroppy magician.'

'Why should I want to?' snapped Galen, bristling.

Eddy exchanged a glance with Bob and had the sense to let the subject drop.

 

 

'It's all very well to say it isn't all his fault,' said Sade, 'but have you ever wondered why it is that anyone unlucky enough to get involved with Zax ends up with their life in a mess? I still say Ina had a raw deal. Well, would you take Zax, even as a free gift? Would you?'

Her face smudged with ash and fatigue, Monica shook her head and prodded the contents of the cooking pot in a hopeful fashion. 'We wouldn't suit. Always supposing he wanted me, which he doesn't. When has he ever hurt us?'

'When has he ever noticed us, you mean.'

'If he's so terrible, why did we abandon everything to come with him?' asked Monica mildly.

'Because we're used to him controlling our lives? For all the attention he pays us we needn't have bothered. Zax only cares about Zax.' Only then did Sade notice him standing with his arms full of the wood he had been gathering.

'How long have you been there?' she demanded, her voice sharpened by guilt.

Zax set down his load. 'I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I didn't realise you felt that strongly about me.'

'No surprise there.' Sensing that he was vulnerable to attack, Sade went for the jugular. 'What do you know of human warmth, or of love? Have you ever done one generous act for another living soul?'

The truth stung like the flick of a whip on already exposed nerve ends. 'I've tried. It isn't enough, I know. I've always known that.' Zax shrugged. Grimy and scraped, his outspread hands were still beautiful, and more eloquent than he could know. 'I'm sorry, it's all I have to offer. That's my loss, I know but I'll make sure no one else suffers because of it.'

Monica's face crumpled. 'She didn't mean - '

'Don't apologise for speaking the truth.' But Zax could not meet her eyes.

Before she could reply he hurried away from them and the truth he could no longer bear. The trouble was not that they could not accept his flawed whole, but that he could not. Only he did not know how to change - or if he could.

The two women watched him go in silence before Monica swung back to Sade. 'Whatever made you say that to him, now of all times?'

Guilt made Sade stubborn. 'He'll know I didn't mean anything by it.'

Monica saw no point in disillusioning her.

'Where's Zax off to?' called Anike, as she, Rhian and Taruna appeared on the opposite side of the clearing, dragging a groundsheet laden with prickly-cased sweet chestnuts.

'Round about,' said Monica vaguely, unwilling to betray Sade.

Sade despised such evasions. 'I started to think about Ina. It made me angry, so when I saw Zax I said... more than I meant to,' she admitted, defiance draining away.

'About what?' Taruna was already splitting open the prickly casings, discarding the rotten kernels and putting the sweet ones into a mug for Rhian to grind into a pulp with a stone.

'For being such a self-centred bastard.'

'Zax?' Anike looked around, as if expecting to see him.

'Why not? Is he a child who must be coddled from every rough word?' said Sade defensively. 

'You and your temper,' sighed Anike, before she gave her a quick hug. 'Right now Zax is a man who feels he's lost everything.'

Sade gave a snort. ' _Magic_!'

'You've seen what he can do. A gift like that comes with a price. It's one thing to be sought after, quite another if you discover no one can accept you for what you are. Did you never wonder why he closed himself off from Galen? A burnt child fears the fire. But he's left it too late with Galen, I think. Don't blame him for failing to recognise what you felt for him. Hate and desire are an uncomfortable mixture.' There was no censure in Anike's manner, nothing more than her usual calm acceptance.

Sade almost upset the cooking pot. 'How did you know I wanted...? Anyway, that was before Eddy, and even if I was wrong about Zax that doesn't make him perfect. Ina wasn't that bad.'

'What - exactly - did you find to like?' asked Taruna curiously.

'I'm not saying she couldn't be difficult...'

' _Difficult _?' said Monica explosively. 'Oh, even the thought of her makes me want to...'__

Taruna gave her a quick kiss. 'Me, too. It was the whining that got to me the most. We all heard her side of it, over and over again. But I never saw her give Zax anything but grief - and presumably the odd few minutes of grudging sex. I don't think it's in her to enjoy anything. She never struck me as warm-hearted, or capable of giving as well as taking. Zax is only human, for all that he likes to pretend he's invulnerable. Who did he go to for comfort, when things got too much for him?'

'I don't think he knows how to ask for comfort,' said Rhian with a trace of sadness. 'That's part of his problem. He's more used to giving than taking. Though I can't understand not enjoying sex with him. That's another form of comfort he's wonderful at providing.'

'Comfort?' sneered Sade, who had tended to look on copulation as an act of armed aggression until she met Eddy and the others.

'Comfort,' confirmed Monica, her smile sweet but spiked with mischief. 'I was teasing Zax about that once, years ago. I said he was such a tonic we could charge for his services if times got hard.'

'I thought you said he'd never wanted you?' Sade clung to the tatters of her argument.

'He didn't, but for a while I needed him. There is a difference.'

'He's that good in bed?'

While able to foresee all kinds of problems if Sade decided to go on the prowl, Monica failed to stifle a gurgle of amusement.

'Sorry. It's just how do you expect me to be able to judge? After the Regulators' brothel anyone would seem...' She shrugged aside the hazy memories, something which only the passage of time and the help and support she had been given had made possible. 'After I escaped I couldn't bear to be touched, even in a casual way. I walked into Zax one day - literally, I mean - and everything I'd been keeping locked inside suddenly spilled out because I was falling apart. He was _so_ kind. He took me back to his dressing-room and gave me a shelter from the world. I'm not sure how he managed it, but for a while he made himself sexless so I'd feel safe with him. You've no idea how amazing it was finally to feel safe. Then, when the time was right, he encouraged me to face the world again, only I had him ready to catch me if I needed him. And I did. For ages. 

'Poor sod, I really mucked up his life,' added Monica fondly. 'When he took me in he'd just hooked that exotic dancer Nelimosa. Remember her, Anike? He never did get her back and apparently he'd been lusting after her for months.'

'He had,' confirmed Anike, smiling at the memory. 'It's just as well though because they'd have fought like cat and dog.'

Sade fingered her hair self-consciously. 'He's never even noticed me.'

Anike was pouring soup into mugs. 'I sometimes think we should get Eddy to explain a few things to you, love. Zax noticed you, right down to the length of your toe nails. But Eddy brought you into the group and you're happy with him. Besides, you and Zax would be a disaster.'

'So who is fit for this paragon?' Sade asked, haunted by the wounded expression in Zax's eyes, almost as much as by his acceptance that he deserved to be hurt.

'He's anything but that,' said Taruna. 'But Galen gets my vote, for what it's worth.'

'So far Zax doesn't seem to see it that way,' pointed out Rhian, grimacing at the taste of the nettle soup.

'Maybe they'd do better if we minded our own business,' said Anike tartly, worried by Zax's continued absence. It was obvious that he felt as if he had nothing to offer now his power was gone. Galen's efficient leadership had removed the necessity for Zax to make even a token effort, although she doubted if either man had thought of that.

'Here, he can have my breakfast when he gets back,' said Sade. 'I said things I didn't mean.'

'You drink it,' Taruna told her. 'There's plenty left for him. He might be screwed up at the moment but he'll know you didn't.' She finished her last mouthful. 'That was disgusting. What was it?'

'Don't ask,' said Monica with gloom.

'Did you hear - ?' Sade spun around when she heard twigs crack, to see Regulators advancing on them.


	10. Chapter 10

TEN

The terminal had been swarming with guards and they had been lucky to escape capture. Galen brought them back by a tortuous route which had taken several hours more than they had the energy for because they had been slowed by exhaustion. He knew something was wrong, even before they found the sprawled figures, bright as broken butterflies. At first the men were afraid to touch until they knew how badly the women were hurt. It took Galen precious seconds to undo his medikit and find the scanner and obviously needed painkillers.

'Who?' he demanded harshly, before he realised they could not speak or move. 

'It looks like the after-effect of a stun gun.' He plunged a hypodermic into Anike's skinny arm and was rewarded by seeing the mute agony fade from her face within seconds.

'It was the Regulators then. Am I right, honey? Blink once,' Bob said gently, stroking her hair. 'Yes. It'll wear off in a few hours.'

'Hurry,' pleaded Eddy, his face pinched with empathic pain and the fact he could not comfort all those he loved at the same time.

A few minutes later Galen saw the faces of the women relax as the terrible cramping pains faded when the drug began to take effect.

'What happened?' he asked, with an untypically helpless gesture. He had left them here for safety's sake and in so doing had made them sitting targets.

'They'll tell us when they can.' All Bob's attention was given to Anike. 'They're alive, that's all that matters.' He had the sound of a man trying to convince himself.

The three men spent some time gentling the shocked women, offering the reassurance of their presence to flesh that lacked all sensation except the memory of terror.

Galen stood guard, setting the scanners to warn if Regulators came within a mile of the campsite, while closing away his guilt at a precaution taken too late. The defensive capabilities of the clearing were no worse than anywhere else in the vicinity and the women would be in no condition to travel for at least a day. Zax had been right, he should have...

His stomach lurched when he saw the haphazardly displayed slippers by an outcrop of rock, close to the menace of one of the Regulator's leather gauntlets.

 _Zax_. Who was missing.

Without compunction he kicked Bob awake and ordered him to rouse Anike.

'Where's Zax?' Galen demanded, his gut knotting when moisture seeped from the corners of her eyes.

Bob wiped away the tears with the side of his thumb. 'Let me ask her. Did the Regulators take him with them? No? Is he dead? Hurt? Ah. They didn't hurt you though, beyond the stun gun? Zax? OK, honey. It's OK now. Ssh... Where is he, do you know?'

The moment Anike stared beyond Bob, Galen took off at a run, cursing the system which left the Regulators, who were deprived of any normal social outlet, to prey on those weaker than themselves. While stunned, there were no signs that the women had been physically assaulted, rape the usual aftermath of a raid. But limp, unresponsive flesh would have little appeal if there had been an alternative. Complacent, leaving them unprotected. And because of that they could have died. One of them might have.

In the event, he found Zax some way up stream. Braced for bloody horror, knowing too well what the Regulators were capable of, he saw that Zax, looking much as normal wrapped his cloak from chin to ankle, was leaning against a tree stump, his forehead resting against the rough bark, a spread-eagled hand stilled in a caress. Although he looked up at Galen's approach, little of his expression could be seen in the fading light.

'The Regulators. Anike. Did they - ? Are you - ?' Breathless, Galen ground to a halt.

'Anike exaggerated, she usually does.' There was an edge to the usually mellow voice.

Caught in a relief so vast he was shaking with it, Galen said: 'Then you're all right?'

'As you see.'

Galen's relief turned to anger now there was no cause for panic. 'Then if everything's so fucking marvellous what are you doing here instead of being with the girls? What if the Regulators had come back? Why did they let you go?'

Zax had no intention of explaining that until recently he had been in no state to help anyone, retreating only when he was certain the noise had been made by Galen, Bob and Eddy. 'I couldn't do anything for them and I wanted to be alone for a while.'

He closed out the sound of contempt Galen made and when he opened his eyes again his wish had been granted.

 

 

The confusion of his emotions hidden behind a mask of brisk competence, Galen surveyed the immediate area, aware of the deficiencies of the campsite as a shelter for the shocked and chilled women.

He discovered another clearing a few hundred yards away, where a solid overhang from a steep rock face provided a roof and a wall. He worked at a ferocious pace to clear the dry depression under it, helped by Bob. Eddy continued to stand guard over the women while the other two carried each woman to the new shelter, wrapped snug in bedding. When Eddy came into the new camp, laden with bags, Zax was with him, equally loaded.

Kept busy making up fires, then foraging for the wood with which to feed them throughout the night, the drift of a mellow voice made Galen look up to see that Zax kneeling at Taruna's side as he brushed from her hair the disguising grey powder, which had helped to reduce the appeal of the women to the Regulators. 

Ironic that the woman should have worried about the one person who was never likely to come to harm, given the way Zax managed to keep himself out of trouble, thought Galen as he went off to fetch more water. The women were dehydrated; while this site offered protection from the elements, the water was farther away. 

As the night closed in Galen looked around the group. 'There isn't room for all of us under the overhang. Zax and I will sleep in the open. The scanners are set and Regulators never travel at night. Besides, if they'd intended to come back they'd be here by now. Anike, there are still things I need to know, if you feel up to telling me,' he added more gently. He did not notice Zax flinch.

'I'm all right.' She still found it difficult to coordinate her speech.

'Do you think the Regulators recognised Zax?'

'They didn't give themselves the chance to,' she said bitterly.

'You're sure?'

'I know they didn't,' she said, remembering.

As Zax had returned to the clearing, inexplicably safe from the stun guns, he had been mild and complaisant, charming the three Regulators. He knew his own appeal and had freely offered them his enthusiastic response, instead of the limp flesh of the stunned women, all of whom appeared uninviting, thanks to the work put in to changing their appearance. To the touch-starved Regulators the offer had been irresistible.

The first two, the youngest, had been pathetically easy to satisfy, climaxing almost before Zax had bared them to his mouth. The third man had been different; spurning Zax's mouth and hands, he had pushed him face-down over the fallen tree trunk and then cursed him for his own inability to perform. Only when he set out to hurt had he been able complete what he had begun. He had come close to throttling Zax before he was finished.

The other two had stopped him from killing Zax, betraying a rough kindness which Anike had always believed beyond Regulators. When they finally left, the youngest had paused and looked almost wistful. They had been anxious to return to the Maze they ruled so effortlessly. Their unease in the alien environment had been obvious; she could not imagine them returning.

'How can you be so sure they didn't recognise him?' demanded Galen.

'Didn't Zax tell you?' Anike prevaricated. It had been hard on them all, with no option but to witness his pain and humiliation, his sensuality a challenge the third Regulator had been determined to best.

'Tell me what?' said Galen with suspicion.

Anike struggled to sit up. 'Stop fussing,' she told Bob with asperity, when he urged her to rest. 'It's wearing off.' She knew Bob and Galen had not noticed Zax standing deep in the shadows. He had been quick to deny serious injury, his calm a facade she had no wish publically to shatter. 'I just thought he might have done,' she added, taking advantage of the fact that Galen would not press her.

Her evasion was rewarded with a smile from Zax. The next time she looked he was a vague outline in the middle of the clearing. Resolved to tell Bob the truth when Galen had gone, Anike steered the conversation to where they would go next. With that worry at the forefront of his mind, Galen proved easy to distract.

Eddy waited until Galen was out of earshot before he said: 'All right, suppose you tell us what really happened?'

It did not take long, no one inclined to linger in the telling.

'I'll go to him,' said Bob, the moment Rhian had stopped talking.

' _No_! No,' repeated Eddy more moderately. 'That's Galen's job.'

'Why do you think I didn't tell you before now?' snapped Anike, wishing she could trust her legs to support her. 'Zax obviously doesn't want him to know.'

'Maybe he doesn't but Galen's the one he needs,' insisted Eddy.

'Look at him standing there like some great pudding. Fine comfort he'll give,' said Monica, who was starting at every sound. The attack had rekindled old horrors.

'Just let's worry about you, eh, love.'

Eddy's arm warm at her back, some of the tension left Monica's body. 'I'll be all right. I've got all you. All Zax has got is Galen.'

'He could do worse,' said Eddy.

'Galen doesn't know there's any need to take care. What if he makes things worse?'

'Then he'll just have to make them better again,' said Bob.

 

 

Galen did not blame Zax for seeking his bed early, the day a failure by anyone's standards. They had been so lucky he could not bear to think about the alternative - that the Regulators' guns had been set on stun rather than kill, that they had left without recognising Zax, and that they had not killed everyone just for sport. Galen had forgotten his shock at the contrast between the stage persona and reality, unless Zax chose to unite them, not to mention the difference made by the weight loss, lack of beard and cropped hair.

The air like icy knives, Galen stripped and slid under the bedcovers, then flinched and swore at the chilly shock of the bedroll. 'You missed supper, such as it was.'

'I'm not hungry.' Zax made the effort to reply in kind, hoping Galen would be quick to fall asleep.

'I can't say I blame you. Bob's cooking is terrible. How about you trying tomorrow?'

'Fine, if you don't think it will be too complicated for me,' Zax snapped, reminded of just how useless he was. Couldn't even satisfy a Regulator, he derided himself, swallowing the bile which came with the memory. That was over, done with. Except that the memories refused to go away. The years had made him soft.

'Spare me,' said Galen in heartfelt tones. 'I'm so tired I'm punch drunk. If you want an argument you'll have to wait until I've had some sleep.' His voice blurring, he was already more than halfway there, the horror of what might have been pushed to the back of his mind.

There was nothing restful about the ensuing silence.

Sleep receding by the second, Galen could not ignore his sense that something beyond the obvious was wrong. He told himself it was just that he had got used to sleeping with Zax wrapped around him and wriggled closer.

'You've still got your clothes on,' he discovered.

'I'm cold.'

'That's as maybe, get them off. Bob and Eddy are running out of clothes to lend you.'

Zax swallowed the bubble of hysterical laughter welling within him, fever beginning to burn bright now. 'Smart clothes won't be needed, unless the Terminal was safe.'

'You know it wasn't.' Galen was becoming more alert by the second. He could smell Zax's sweat, sharp and acrid on the chill air. Nothing strange about that, except he had left Zax, fastidious as a cat, beside running water; he was sweating heavily for a man who claimed to be cold. He caught one of the curled hands in his own.

'You're frozen!' Galen sat bolt upright.

'I'd be warmer if you didn't create a draught. I thought you were tired.'

'So did I. Turn over.'

'What?'

'You heard me. I want to see your face.'

'You want to command someone, go talk to a tree.' 

Zax eased away, his flesh crawling as sharp discomfort reminded him what he had done. But it had worked, they were alive and his hurts were minimal. Maybe by tomorrow he would be capable of feeling grateful for the fact.

Hard fingers gripped his shoulder, rolling him over. Zax's sound of pain was lost in the rustle of bedding and crackle of leaves beneath them.

'Are you all right?' Galen peered at him by the light of the fire.

'Why shouldn't I be? There were only three of them.' Aware that he had just betrayed himself, Zax tensed.

It was a moment before Galen understood, his face twisting with a dawning disgust as the clouds parted, the light of the moon enough to reveal the swollen mouth: the practised whore's mouth.

'Did they pay you well?' Galen asked, made savage by his sense of betrayal.

'You favour death before dishonour.' Zax struggled to find a protective anger but felt only an aching regret for the disillusioned man staring at him with disgust. 'Go to sleep, you're tired,' he added gently. None of this was Galen's fault.

'Bloody right I'm tired.' Careless of his nudity, Galen got up and busied himself with the bedding. 'Of being lied to, of being treated like a half-wit. You'll never tell me anything, will you? Nothing that matters.'

'What are you doing?' His hands clenched at his sides as he watched Galen prepare to leave him, Zax realised with a shocking clarity that he did not want Galen to go. That he needed him for so many reasons, all of which boiled down to the fact he was Galen.

'I'm tired of being tolerated.'

'Don't go.'

The plea was so faint Galen almost missed it. 'What did you say?' Mistrusting his own ears, he crouched beside Zax, who held out his hand, palm upwards. 

'Don't leave me. And if you stay...' He was unpractised in the art of asking, unfamiliar with the need that made it imperative, and his voice shook with nerves.

'What is it you want?' asked Galen, his voice gentling. He had no defence against this level of vulnerability.

'You to make love to me.' Zax's voice soft with longing. If he was to be no more than a puppet then let it be for Galen.

There was a long silence.

'Galen?' Stripped of assurance, his voice sounded small to his own ears. Even now he could not admit what it was he really needed.

'Oh, I'm still here. I'm just wondering how low you'll stoop. Every time I've tried to touch you in the past I've been made to feel as if I've got the clap, or worse. Now I'm irresistible. Would you mind telling me why?'

The moonlight revealed the outline of Zax's face, bone sculptured on bone, joined by sinew. But it was the desolate eyes which held Galen, and that damaged mouth, which gave itself so casually to anyone who wanted it. Anyone but himself.

'Once, some time ago, you reached out to me and I turned you away,' said Zax with regret.

'Not to worry, I forgive you. You still give great head.'

When Zax flinched and fell silent, Galen revelled in his easy victory. 'Nothing else to say? You made your choice, so you must forgive me if I'm underwhelmed. You spread your favours so liberally how do I know I won't catch something? What's wrong, a bit rough were they?' 

The taunt frozen in his throat, Galen realised he had stumbled on the truth.

'What have they done to you?' he murmured with soft dread, sliding buttons open and drawing crumpled cloth from a scraped shoulder. There were shocking bruises on Zax's throat and more down one side of his face.

Zax pushed away Galen's hands. 'All the usual things, and nothing which need concern you.'

Aware of the heat radiating from him and beginning to realise that Zax was in a state of delayed shock where he had little idea what he was doing, Galen took a steadying breath as he understood what Zax, in his stubborn way had been asking of him.

'I'm so stupid. I'm sorry. I should have known you would protect the women.' He tried not to panic about how badly Zax might be hurt. If he had internal bleeding he would be unconscious by now. Galen set about resettling the disturbed bedding. 'Oh, they've hurt you, haven't they. But not perhaps as much as I've managed to. I know you don't want to talk about it but don't push me away completely.'

Zax was shivering, his expression desperate and confused. 'It's been so many years since I've had to do that, I'd f-forgotten h-how...' But the words would not come and his throat was closing and -

Galen sank down and held him close. 'I know,' he whispered. 'You don't need anyone. I understand. But just for a little while pretend that you do.'

Zax looked up, something very like defeat on his face before he gave a crooked smile. 'Not just for a while,' he admitted. He gasped when the arms around him tightened. 'No, it's all right, don't let go.'

'Bloody fool,' said Galen indulgently.

 

 

 

He hurt everywhere. Zax opened his eyes on pale winter's sunshine and smiled when he realised Galen's face was buried in the hollow of his throat. One arm banding the broad back, he viewed the dark head with a serene acceptance. At peace despite myriad physical discomforts, contentment built apace with his fever.

A sound close by made him snap open his eyes, then relax when he saw it was only Sade.

'Morning. You look better,' he said.

'You don't,' Sade blurted out, her fingers gentle against his cut and swollen mouth.

For a moment Zax's face was wiped clean of expression. 'I'm fine,' he dismissed.

About to contradict him, Sade realised there was one gift within her power to give, that of ignorance. Her expression schooled, she met his severe gaze. 'Thank goodness. I remember crying out then, nothing.' She began to fidget under his unwavering gaze, heat sliding up under a skin that was the warm hue of rosewood.

Zax's expression relaxed into one of amused comprehension. 'You always were a terrible liar. I'm sorry you had to see that. It's done with, unimportant.' That much was true. While the physical discomfort remained, the devastating sense of violation had been vanquished by an emotion-roughened voice and the weight seemingly intent on flattening him.

'While we're being so honest, how _do_ you feel?' Sade asked, aware of the dry heat of his hand and his too-bright eyes.

'As if I've had broken glass rammed up me.' The admission was easier to make than he had anticipated.

'That's what I thought. Let Galen check you out,' she coaxed. 'I don't suppose it's serious but we don't want you holding us up on the journey.'

'Nice try, but save your breath. You've all spent enough time nurse-maiding me.'

Sade knew better than to insist. She was still a little uncertain with Zax, her mental image already in adjustment. Inevitably the balance was liable to sink completely in his favour before it found its natural level. That did not stop her from voicing her main fear. 'Yesterday they would have made do with us if you hadn't... You didn't offer yourself because of what I said, did you?' she said in a rush.

Zax gave her a blank look.

'About never doing anything for anyone,' she added, miserably certain that the blame for what had happened must be hers.

His snort of laughter woke Galen and made Sade jump.

'Ow!' Zax cupped his swollen cheek. 'Remind me not to do that again. I know I have an outsized ego, and it was optimistic to think they would all be easy, but I'm no martyr. It was the obvious solution, given that I couldn't stand by while they raped each of you. I'd do the same thing again.' He kissed the back of her hand, then gave the beginning-to-mumble heap that was Galen a gentle prod.

'Come on, Sleeping Beauty. I need to take a piss.'

Still drowsy, Galen allowed himself to be rolled to one side, vaguely aware of Zax stretching cramped limbs. But he tensed when he heard the shuddering intake of breath when Zax made it to his feet, and was half out of the bedroll when he saw Zax's halting progress into the wood.

Sade delayed him for just long enough. 'Wait until he comes back. He's admitted that he's hurt, but he refused help.'

Galen swore softly as he dressed.

'I couldn't agree more but that won't help. What will you need?' Sade asked, all practicality.

'A lot of patience,' Galen said, furious with Zax's misplaced stoicism and himself for being side-tracked by Zax's admission of need

By the time Zax returned, Galen was alone with the medikit, hot water, soap, cloths with which to wash him and fresh clothing. One look at Zax's face, with the patches of hectic colour on each cheekbone, killed the lecture Galen had intended to give. The extent of the bruising had become clearer overnight, the right side of Zax's face swollen and multi-coloured, purple-black fingerprints around his throat.

'Bad?' Galen asked, his matter-of-fact manner. He allowed Zax to cross the clearing under his own steam.

'I wouldn't want to repeat it in a hurry,' Zax conceded, shivering. 'I don't think I'll be able to travel far today.'

Galen quashed his derisive agreement and began to unbutton Zax's clothing, supporting him as he did so. 'No, I know.' He looked up to find Zax frowning at him. 'It's stupid to pretend you don't need medical attention. Or, to put it another way, you're going to get it, if not from me, from one of the others.'

Zax shrugged Galen away. He would have fallen but for Galen's support and conceded defeat in typical fashion. 'You, if I must.'

Galen resettled him on the bedroll. 'The quicker we start, the quicker we're finished. Wrap your cloak around you to help keep out the cold.' He maintained an inconsequential stream of chatter as he peeled back a section of the cloak and washed and dried Zax, masking his rage behind trivia as he cleaned - and examined - him from neck to knee, before pulling the medikit closer.

'Bob told me you can't take painkillers. What about antibiotics? There's an injection and cream that could help. The scanner says you can take them.'

Zax's objections faded when he recognised the extent of Galen's protective rage, and the effort he was making to hide it. In a silent demonstration of trust he held out his arm, his eyes never leaving Galen as he was given the injection.

'Let one of the others see to the rest,' he said quietly.

'Yes, of course. I'm sorry. I'm inclined to be clumsy.' Galen fiddled unnecessarily with the medikit, looking up when Zax gave a hiss of exasperation.

'The only thing you're inclined to be is stupid. All I meant was that if you're not enjoying what you've found on this side, you'll enjoy the flip side even less.'

'If that's your only objection, save your breath.'

'I'd no idea you could be this dictatorial.' Zax watched, aghast, as Galen's chin quivered before he managed to steady his mouth.

'If only I'd listened to you this would never have happened.'

'Or they could have found the entire group and killed all of us. So much about survival is pure bloody luck - right place, wrong time and all the other variables. You know I'm right,' added Zax gently, dragging a reluctant smile from Galen.

'I'm going to be hearing that a lot, aren't I,' he said, cupping the unmarked side of Zax's face.

'Probably.' Mindful of his hurt mouth, Zax kissed Galen's cheek before easing onto his stomach, his face concealed on his folded arms.

Galen rearranged the cloak so that most of Zax could be kept warm while he cleaned him a piece at a time, his touch as gentle as he could make it over the cuts, grazes and bruises. He hesitated for a moment before he bared Zax's buttocks.

'The _bastards_!' Galen had himself under control a moment later, rubbing the small of Zax's back in reassurance. 'Sorry. Not helping, I know. There's some blood. May I check you out? I think it's just some deep external scratches rather than anything more serious but I'd like to make sure.'

Zax nodded, refusing to feel humiliated and undo the effort Galen was making to see them both through this. He was rewarded by a gentle pat before Galen brushed his fingers over his skin, accustoming him to the more intimate touch which was to follow.

'Turn on your side and move your leg. That's fine.'

The sponge trailed delicately over abused flesh, the water warm and teasing as it trickled over him, washing away every trace of the Regulators.

Galen cleaned his hands again, then squeezed antiseptic cream into his cupped palm. 'This might feel cool, although I've done my best to warm it.' He leant forward to nuzzle the downy base of Zax's spine.

'Fine.' Zax tried not to tense.

Galen-warmed cream coated tender flesh before pausing where he was most sore.

'I'm sorry,' said Galen, when at last it was done. For all his care, he knew he had hurt Zax. He covered him and tidied the medikit, wishing his hands would stop shaking.

Flushed with fever, Zax gave Galen's forearm a comforting rub. 'You've nothing to apologise for. No one has ever made me feel more...cherished.' His voice soft and slurred, he offered crooked smile, his fingers twining around Galen's. 'Come back to bed, it's cold without you.'

'In the middle of the day?'

'Oh.' Zax's grin widened, revealing the ridiculous dimple in one cheek. 'Got a better offer, have you?'

Awash with tenderness, Galen tweaked a beginning-to-curl tendril of hair. 'Not right now, no.' Still dressed, he slid in beside Zax.

'That's better,' said Zax, before he fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

The next time Zax woke up he was snug under the rock overhang, heaped with covers. Galen was only a couple of feet away, protecting him from the elements while he slept. His eyelids flickered as he dreamed, he needed a shave, and he looked as if he had been without rest for some time.

After a period of drowsy assessment, during which Zax sorted through various hazy memories of fever and other unpleasant symptoms, he decided he felt light-headed, hungry and in need of a pee. Careful not to disturb Galen, he was clumsy at first, his body stiff and his legs inclined to be unsteady. Only when he rubbed a minor irritation did he appreciate that his beard was as advanced as Galen's. He wrapped his cloak around himself for warmth and headed out of camp to find a convenient tree.

There was no sign of the troupe but he reminded himself that Galen would not be sleeping if they were in danger, although that did not stop him from keeping an eye out for them.

By the time he returned Zax was moving easily and had realised that his hunger and light-headedness were connected. He paused at the main campfire to drink some boiled water, then a mug of thick soup. It was luke-warm, an unattractive sludge colour and it had an unpleasant taste which lingered long beyond what was desirable, but he felt the benefit almost immediately.

Having become aware of his less-than-fragrant state, he took what he needed from his pack, ensured Galen was still sleeping the sleep of the exhausted, and went off to the stream to wash.

He had not appreciated how worried he had been about the troupe until he heard them laughing, some distance away. If overheard snatches of conversation were any indication, they were harvesting food. Gritting his teeth against the icy water, he briskly washed himself, hoping whatever they were foraging for tasted better than what had gone into the soup. Clean once again, his face smarting because there was not any shaving cream, he slid back into his cloak and briskly rubbed his wet hair, while his newly washed clothes dripped from their makeshift hooks.

He headed back to camp with the water container he had remembered to refill. A fresh pot of water set to boil, he slid back into bed with some gratitude. His intention of watching Galen lasted for the ten minutes it took for him to fall asleep.

oOo

Hot, Zax mumbled a protest, woke up and discovered that Galen, still fast asleep, was no more than inches away, and that his erection was prodding Galen's thigh. Hardly daring to believe it, Zax stroked himself delicately, his eyes scrunching shut with a mixture of relief and joy when his prick responded as eagerly to stimulation as it had always done in the past.

His body was his own again.

The temptation to finish what he had started was acute but he wanted the first time to be with Galen. It was worth the ache in his balls to know there was good reason for the ache. He inhaled the scent of warm, relaxed Galen and continued to stroke himself every so often, just to confirm that he was not dreaming the erection in his hand.

He did his best not to fidget; all but thrumming with arousal, inevitably he woke the sleeper.

Galen blinked awake in a heartbeat, saw Zax and gave a smile of such sweetness that Zax had no option but to kiss him.

'You've cleaned your teeth,' mumbled Galen, kissing him back.

'Sweet-talker you.'

'And shaved.'

'And peed, washed, eaten and slept again. How long was I out of it, you still look exhausted?'

'This is the fourth day. You had a reaction to the antibiotics. It was my fault.'

'Rubbish,' said Zax trenchantly.

Galen let that slide only because every sign of injury and illness was gone, Zax looking fitter than he had ever seen him. More, his smiling eyes had no trace of shadow.

'How do you feel?' he asked, because he could not help himself.

In no mood for serious conversation, Zax prodded himself. 'Thinner. I hope you're not planning to keep that beard.'

'Don't you like it?'

'Not as much as your naked face. Besides, you'll give me a rash.' Supple as quicksilver, Zax slid to pin Galen where he lay, before kissing him slowly and thoroughly enough to make Galen's toes curl.

Galen's eyes widened when he became aware of Zax's prick pressing against him and his face lit with pleasure. 'You _are_ feeling better, aren't you,' he murmured, still wary of his freedom to touch.

'Fan-bloody-tastic. I've been keeping this warm for you, despite the lure of my right hand.'

'I told you it would come back. When do I get the chance to admire it?' Galen asked. The tangle of covers in which they were entwined prevented much skin on skin contact.

Zax was already working to free them. 'Any time you like. That's better.' He pulled away the last blanket and lay back in all his naked glory.

'What are you doing?' he added a moment later.

'Salivating,' said Galen, with truth. His palm flat over the dip where hip met torso, he bent to salute the head of Zax's prick, already cupping Zax's balls.

All it took was warm breath and one kiss to send Zax rocketing, his breath hissing. He fumbled to find Galen's mouth, pressing his palm to it. 'Together this first time,' he gasped.

One way or another he remembered behaving like a total arsehole in the last few weeks.

Galen looked up with his heart in his eyes. 'Anything you want,' he said simply, wondering if he had ever seen anything as beautiful as the man stretched out before him

'I want you against me.'

Galen settled onto his side and drew them close together. Zax's face contorted when the velvety lance of Galen's arousal first brushed the head of his prick.

'I'm not going to be able to last,' Zax warned, his voice torn.

'You don't need to,' said Galen.

'It's been so long.'

'Then give it to me. Let me see you unravel. Come for me,' coaxed Galen, their bodies fitting together more easily now, finding a clumsy rhythm.

Zax arched into him, holding on tight, as if to an anchor as his thrusts speeded up until he was pistoning against Galen. His face turned into Galen's shoulder, he came with a soft sound, almost of surprise, his warmth pulsing over the head of Galen's prick. It was enough. Galen thrust a few times more before he came with his slacked mouth sucking in the scent of Zax.

For a short time the only sound was of that of ragged breathing.

The possessive strength of the hands grasping him made Zax wince and laugh at the same time, before he hugged Galen to him, smothering him in tiny kisses. Wordless with joy, he rubbed his cheek against Galen's, as if scent-marking him, before he looked up.

'Welcome back.' Slowly, and with total concentration, Galen kissed the just parted lips.

Lost in him, Zax framed Galen's head with his hands and kissed him back, slow and deep and long, and with an answering tenderness there was no disguising.

 

 

It was afternoon when the troupe returned, each carrying large bundles of sweet chestnuts, together with wild garlic and woody-stemmed nettles that had survived in a sheltered spot. They were in time to see that Zax was obviously recovered in all senses of the word.

Bob tried not to stare at the entwined figures as he bullied the others into turning their backs on them, but it was impossible to remain immune to the sounds of love-making that drifted over to them, Zax's soft, wounded grunts leaving him half-hard and longing for Anike.

'There's no way I'm shelling these while that's going on. Bob,' added Anike, with a trace of desperation.

'Right behind you,' he assured her, as they hurried off to the far corner of the campsite.

Sade gave a shuddering sigh, then turned to see that Monica and Eddy were spreading out ground sheets, while Taruna was busy undressing Rhian.

 

 

'There must be something in the water,' said Zax, as familiar sounds drifted across the campsite.

'Is that Rhian?' asked Galen.

'Yeah. For someone who doesn't say much, she has her moments.' Zax eyed the protein bar Galen handed him without enthusiasm.

'It's that or more soup.'

Zax shuddered and broke the bar in two, giving half to Galen. 'I don't see why you shouldn't suffer too.'

Galen had the sense not to argue.

 

 

Heavy-eyed and languid, Anike leant back against Bob as the troupe sat around the fire, having drunk the soup as quickly as possible, to get it over with.

'Zax is up,' she reported.

'We noticed,' said Rhian dryly.

'Not _that_. Look,' gestured Anike, as Zax strolled off through the trees, a blanket tied sarong-like around his hips.

'Do you remember how quickly Zax used to heal?' said Taruna. 'Well, it's obviously happened again. You saw the state of him after the Regulators - ' She stopped abruptly, the memory still too raw.

'There isn't a mark on him now,' noted Monica. 'Or any sign of pain. Not that I'm complaining, of course.'

'Perhaps everything's getting back to normal,' said Anike. 'Look at the way he's moving.'

'I am. I can't remember the last time he looked this good,' said Sade, as Zax reappeared.

When he realised he was under surveillance, he did no more than grin at them before heading back to Galen, who was busy trying to create some order out of the chaos of their bed.

Zax soon put a stop to that.

 

 

'I thought you'd run out of cigarettes,' Bob said to Eddy.

'Don't remind me. I shared the last butt with Zax before the Regulators.'

'That's what I thought. So why is Zax smoking?'

Every head shot up. Zax's expression was one of slit-eyed contentment as he pulled the slipping covers over Galen.

'It's a cigarette all right,' said Taruna.

'You don't suppose - ?' began Monica.

'When the Regulators attacked us,' interrupted Sade excitedly, 'I knew there was something I'd forgotten. When Zax burst into the clearing the Regulators went for their guns but they didn't work! None of the guns worked after Zax arrived.'

'Did you see that?' squeaked Anike, clutching Bob's forearm.

Zax plucked another cigarette from the air, then looked down to reply to something Galen said. Their attention wholly on one another, they were oblivious to being under surveillance.

'He doesn't even know he's doing it,' said Sade, her eyes sparkling.

'Lucky sod,' Eddy said morosely, his nose tilted like a pointer to the game.

'I'll go and get you one,' offered Rhian.

'I shouldn't do that, honey,' Bob said. 'Let Zax be happy for a while longer.'

'It half-killed him to think he'd lost his power. Why should regaining it make him unhappy?' demanded Monica.

'Not him, Galen. How do you think Galen's going to react to the fact he's fallen for a magician?'

Gloom pervaded the troupe. Galen's views on the subject were depressingly well-known.

'Even he can't refuse to believe the evidence of his own eyes,' said Monica, without much conviction.

'You've only got to think what Galen was like when we started out. Poker up his arse and jumping every time someone so much as brushed past him. I know he's come a long way in a short space of time but he'll never be able to make that leap,' warned Eddy.

'And Zax isn't going to think to keep it a secret,' said Monica.

'You'd be surprised what people can convince themselves of when it suits them. Let's be honest, Zax isn't the easiest person to live with. Until he gets himself sorted out he's liable to be trickier than usual. He'll want to test Galen, you'll see,' predicted Bob.

'Galen will come round. The power is a part of Zax, he'll have to,' said Monica, with characteristic optimism.

'Oh, it'll work out,' said Eddy, 'but I can't help wondering what it'll do to Galen in the process.'

'Don't be such a pessimist.' Sade edged forward to get a better view of the two men, while trying to appear inconspicuous. 'Look at the pair of them. Have you ever seen Zax smile like that before? Well, have you?' she added, on the defensive when she realised everyone was staring at her.

'Why, you're a romantic,' said Anike tenderly.

'Of course she is,' said Eddy stoutly, hugging Sade close. 'Any of us could've told you that.'

'And so is Galen,' said Bob, reminding them of their problem. 'What happens next?'

'That depends on Zax,' said Anike. 

'Zax would never hurt Galen,' said Bob.

'How can you be so sure?' asked Anike.

'Come off it. When has he ever set out to hurt anyone? So he can do a few tricks we can't explain, let's not go overboard. He's just a man.'

'I know, but those little tricks we can't explain away. Neither can he.'

oOo

A sheepish looking Galen came over to join them the following evening, to find that nothing needed doing around the campsite. He accepted the steaming mug offered to him and sat on a pile of baggage.

'We need to decide what to do until this clamp-down on terminals eases up,' he said, rubbing a tender spot on his throat. 'I seem to have been leading you on a wild-goose chase. We're no closer to leaving the Island than we were when we started.'

'We're free.'

Tilting his head back, Galen saw Zax smiling down at him and leant against the support he offered, taking for granted the arm which tucked around his chest.

'But for how long?' he said, his sense of responsibility for their safety a burden he did not know how to put down. 'The weather's been relatively mild so far but it's barely winter yet, our supplies of food are dangerously low, and if the Regulators had brains larger than peas they would have been back.'

'Then we'll move on,' said Bob.

'Where to?' said Galen, exasperated by their assumption that he knew best. He was fast beginning to think he knew nothing.

'A place where we can rest and live in peace until the time's right to leave for China.' Zax's dreamy gaze was on the far distance.

'The terminals are guarded,' Galen reminded him patiently.

'There are other ways.'

'There are?' Galen's glare became a reluctant grin when he received an absent-minded kiss on his upturned face.

'Yes.' Zax plucked a cigarette from the air.

Galen did not notice. 'I wish I had your confidence. 'Well, if we're going to leave, I suppose we should make a start. Once everyone has eaten and packed we'll see how far we can get before dawn, or when Zax - we - need to rest.'

'Smooth save,' noted Zax, kissing the top of Galen's head.

Galen went pink when he realised the rest of the troupe were watching them with expressions ranging from the approving to the fatuous. He cleared his throat and in a determinedly businesslike tone, said: 'According to the record tapes this was once farming country. We should be able to find some kind of food and shelter - perhaps even in the same place.'

Because they were basically kind-hearted, the troupe took pity on Galen and allowed him to turn the conversation away from the personal.


	12. Chapter 12

 

'Let me give you a hand over this bit,' said Galen, not for the first time in the last few days.

Zax muttered under his breath but found the grace to accept the offered support. 'Tell me about China. Make me see it,' he said, desperate to distract Galen from smothering him in solicitude.

Galen began to talk, slowly at first, because he was not accustomed to talking about himself. Prompted by Zax, he became more fluent and descriptive, painting vivid word pictures of the landscape and his life in China. Zax began to glimpse for himself the layered green mountainsides, and everywhere streams branching off from the great green river which snaked through the valley, reflecting the mountains and the sky. But more than that, he ached for the loneliness Galen had known; straddling the worlds of Names and Numbers, he had been taken in by both but had found true acceptance in neither.

Zax's mood was so softened that when they came to the next river he bit back his instinctive rejection of help and affected not to notice Eddy's broad grin when he accepted Galen's helping hand.

oOo

For the next week they travelled through countryside which offered flatter terrain, better shelter, clean water and some edible vegetation and nuts to supplement their dull diet. As Eddy had remarked the first time he drank soup made from dandelion leaves, wild garlic and sweet chestnuts, anything which tasted that disgusting must be doing them good - it certainly made them pee a lot.

Where the lie of the land allowed it they followed the curve of a river, from which Galen and Taruna caught eels and fish. Just before sunset on the ninth day they came upon what once must have been a farmhouse set on higher ground. Its walls over a foot thick, it was almost unmarked by decades of neglect, the roof and shuttered windows intact; more than that, the reddish soil was uncontaminated and obviously fertile. There were still root crops growing amongst the weeds, and various green plants which the scanner identified as cabbages, Brussel sprouts, and greens. A well provided sweet water. The men cleared out the ancient outdoor privy because none of them had the nerve to ask the women to help. There was even a plentiful supply of wood close to the house.

High in the water-tight attics they found chest upon chest of carefully stored clothes and blankets; musty and creased but otherwise protected from the ravages of time, they were of natural fibres, warm and soft to the skin, offering everyone several outfits, once Anike, Bob and Rhian had got to work on them. There was even the chance for real baths, although they had to carry and heat the water by hand. 

Best of all, they were free.

It was the most luxury they had enjoyed for years, let alone since setting off on their journey. Spirits were high because they had decided to live here until the alert for Zax should have died down and they could try one of the terminals again.

Galen and Eddy worked on the ancient range. The moment it was working they were kept busy hauling wood and water for an orgy of bathing, personal hygiene having taken something of a backseat as they travelled.

After a day of collecting and chopping wood Zax had discovered muscles he had not known he possessed. Every inch of him aching, the staircase seemed to stretch as he climbed it. He was prepared to negotiate with whoever was using the bath, failing that, he was prepared to resort to threats. After a cursory knock, he pushed open the door to see a wreathed-in-steam Galen step out of the bath. Slick with scented water, he propped one foot on the rim, reached for a towel and began to dry his shin.

Zax discovered an untapped source of energy as he drifted over and sank to his knees, mouthing the cleft of Galen's buttocks.

Galen shot around so fast he almost fell back into the bath. 'Don't!' he said involuntarily, before he realised who it was.

Still on his knees, Zax sank back onto his haunches, his hands parting in a gesture of reassurance as he looked up. 'I forgot. I'm sorry. I would never... I will _always_ stop,' he added, forcing the subject into the open.

'I know.' Galen picked up the towel and fastened it around his waist.

Zax rose to his feet, picked up a second towel and briskly began to dry Galen with it, pausing only when Galen's skin was pink and glowing with warmth.

'Are you trying to take my skin off?' asked Galen, twitching the towel from Zax before he could move to more delicate areas.

'Just making sure you don't get cold. I was going to see if I could share your bathwater, but from the colour of it I'm changing my mind. Did the stove break down again?'

'When I mend something it stays mended. You're a fine one to talk, you're covered in sawdust.'

Zax finger-brushed his hair before stepping into Galen's bathwater. 'Stay and wash my back?'

'Where's the soap?'

'I think I must be sitting on it.' A thoughtful expression crossed Zax's face when Galen began to dredge for it.

'How do you manage it?' said Galen. 'I swear the water's hotter than when I got into it.'

Zax shrugged and located the soap. His nose wrinkled with distaste as he set about creating a lather. 'Lily-of-the-valley makes me sneeze.' There was a moist pause while he proved his point.

Perched on the edge of the bath, Galen held out his hand. 'Stop emoting and give it here. You worry about your image too much.'

His face hidden against his upraised knees, Zax gave a sigh of pleasure when firm fingers probed soapily at the stiff muscles of his shoulders. 'A bit lower. Oh, that's perfect. What image do you have of me?'

Galen paused in the massage to kiss the nape of the neck bared to him, grimacing when he tasted only soap. 'You are yourself, that's enough.'

Serious now, Zax looked up from soaping his scalp. 'Is it?' His eyes looked wide and silver-green in the soft candle-light.

'Yes.' Without warning a bowl of clean water cascaded over Zax's scalp, half-drowning him as Galen rinsed his hair. 

'Bastard.' Zax's grin faded when he recognised the wanting in the heavy-lidded eyes. 'Anything,' he said simply. 'Though let me get out of the bath, unless you want to get back in? No, I thought not.'

A smile returned to his eyes, Galen extended a hand. 'You're too slippery to catch hold of.' He unwound the towel at his waist to use on Zax and was caught in a loose, wet embrace.

Zax nuzzled the just-parted mouth, then left the initiative to Galen. He was careful to restrict his caresses to Galen's torso until Galen took his hand and set it over his flank, so that his fingertips rested against the clenched curve of Galen's left buttock.

'Touch me here?' muttered Galen. He wanted to be free of the cage created by betrayals buried so deep in his memory that they had left only the memory of terror.

Zax gave a crooked grin. 'I intend to.' He traced lazy circles of pleasure on Galen's skin, making no demands. 'Not that I can see any reason why this should be one-sided. While we have a room to ourselves and a proper mattress I'd like to make the most of it. And you.' He rescued the towel from the floor, fastened it around Galen's hips and palmed the now covered semi-tumescence.

'Why are you dressing me again?'

'The bedroom's down the hall and if you've developed exhibitionist tendencies, I haven't seen any indication of them.' Zax paused to give his still wet hair a desultory rub. 'I'm going to scrounge some body oil from Bob, you're going to make up the fire in our room. Then we'll go to bed.'

'You've got it all planned?' Galen's casual tone was denied by the tension in his body.

'Only to that point. After that, we'll do whatever feels good. Don't shiver, whatever we do I promise it will feel good.'

Before Galen could bristle defensively, Zax smiled with a mixture of mischief, affection and anticipation. Already teetering on the brink, Galen tumbled gratefully over the edge.

'Why will I be the one doing all the hard work?'

Zax raised an amused eyebrow. 'I didn't think you'd enjoy explaining to Bob why we want the oil.'

Galen melted from the room.

By the time Zax went to find him, the bedcovers had been drawn back and Galen lay face down on the mattress, the towel still wrapped tightly around his hips. Every muscle of his back was starkly defined.

Thought suspended, lost to the fear which, for all that it had no relevance to this time and place, held him prisoner, Galen did not notice the flare of the fire, or the warmth seeping into the room, only that Zax was beside him, stroking the nape of his neck.

'Don't you know better than to lie on a wet towel? No wonder you feel cold.' His face intent, Zax concentrated on unfastening it. 'It's like opening a present.'

'But without the surprise.' Galen was familiar with the concept, even if he had never given or received one. Cocooned in affectionate warmth, he slowly turned over.

Zax uncorked the phial, cradling a small amount of oil in his palm. 'You do like being massaged?' he asked, as if he was unaware of Galen's apprehension.

'Oh.' Galen failed to conceal his relief.

'I used to be quite good at this,' continued Zax, as if he had noticed nothing unusual. As if he didn't want to maim those who had so hurt Galen.

'I've never had a massage so you'll have to show me what to do.'

'Basically you just lie there and enjoy it.' Zax kissed the tip of Galen's nose. 'Settle down on your back. The oil should be warm enough now. Oh, if you don't enjoy it, say so and I'll stop.'

Slick and slippery, his palms smoothed over Galen's collar bones and down the hard curve of the pectoral muscles before beginning to pay attention to Galen's nipples. The oil had no scent and was warm from Zax's skin but rather than erotic the massage was curiously asexual, while being far from impersonal. When he was certain Galen had relaxed, Zax began the massage in earnest. By the time he reached Galen's finger joints Galen's eyelids were drooping, every muscle stripped and reassembled beneath that skilful touch. He murmured his disappointment when, having been massaged to his toes nails, Zax gave his prick an unsympathetic pat.

'Concentrate on pure thoughts, there's your back to do yet. You're loving this, aren't you?'

'Mmn.' Galen was so relaxed he did not even flinch when Zax kissed the rise of his bottom.

'You've got beautiful skin. It's nice to have the chance to admire it. Are you warm enough?'

'Mmn,' mumbled Galen again.

The warmed oil slid slickly between his shoulder blades before skilful fingers began to work it into his skin, easing away the remnants of tension until muscles flowed like silk beneath the now rosy flesh. Little by little the touches became caresses designed to please until Galen was close to humping the mattress. He controlled himself only because he never wanted this to end.

The hands were in the hollow of his back now, drifting over his rump and down his thighs and back up again, the touch interspersed with nuzzling kisses.

'What happened all those years ago? You can tell me. If you want to. Or not. The choice is yours. But sometimes it can help,' said Zax quietly.

When Galen began to speak the tensing muscles down his back betrayed how difficult this was for him. Zax stroked his back with the lightest of touches, aiming for nothing but reassurance. Little by little Galen began to relax again.

His recital halting at first, Galen told of the man-child he had been, innocent in the manifold guises of treachery. His story was little different from that of many others but his pain and bewilderment were still raw. When the Regulators murdered the only family he had known, he had been thrown back into the urban jungle, but this time he knew what was missing from his life. He had been lucky enough to be given shelter and casual affection by a group of Names. After they had won his close-guarded affection he discovered he was to be sold to the Regulators' brothel after he had been broken into his new trade by those he believed loved him. It had been several weeks before his captors' vigilance had relaxed enough for him to escape to the Exterior. Physically he had taken little harm, for they had been kind, within limits, but the mental scars disfigured Galen still - memories of waking nightmares, a locked room and probing hands.

'That's all,' said Galen, his face concealed. 'Nothing that hasn't happened to thousands of others. Is there anyone in the troupe who hasn't suffered something like that? Or worse.' 

His expression bleak, Zax kissed the exposed nape of Galen's neck. 'No. That's just the way the world is. But not in this time or place. You're amongst friends. We're many things but never rapists. There are no locks, only light and sharing - even laughter. Are you comfortable with the idea of me carrying on with the massage?' he added in the same matter-of-fact tone.

'Of course.' Galen sounded surprised.

'Just remember to say if you're not and I'll stop. I will _always_ stop,' Zax added with deliberation.

Galen turned his head then, propping himself up on one elbow. 'It never occurred to me that you wouldn't. It's just...' He gestured vaguely and settled down again with a comfortable wriggle. 'I always thought you had beautiful hands,' he added, the non sequitur taking Zax by surprise. 'I didn't know the half of it.' His buttocks twitched when oil trickled down his cleft.

'Sorry. I used too much.'

'At least it's warm.' Galen did not tense when Zax's hands drifted over his rump and sprawled thighs, making no demands. 

Little by little the casual caresses became more intimate.

When Galen's breath caught on pleasure for the first time, as a fingertip teased the oily cleft of his buttocks, a seductive whisper told him he was beautiful, here and here. He felt the tickle of hair as Zax nuzzled him in places that made Galen shiver in quite a different way. Without thinking about it he slowly changed position to relieve the pressure on his prick.

The tip of Zax's tongue teased, probed and licked his anus, fingers stroking him before he was kissed and kissed again, the soft mouth teasing his testicles.

Passivity a thing of the past, Galen whimpered with frustration when every sensation stopped, release a pulse away.

His face tense with the effort it had cost him not to plunder the body laid out so trustingly, not to take what Galen, almost incoherent with pleasure, so obviously wanted, Zax was trembling, his body slick with sweat and the oil which covered his face where he had been pleasuring Galen. He slid alongside Galen, his erection a shock of hot silk against Galen's torso as he locked their bodies together from shoulder to hip, one thigh crooked over Galen's, murmuring to him the entire time.

'Take me,' Galen grated, his hand clenching over Zax. 'Finish it, damn it. I'm in knots.'

'Ssh. No rush, you'll see.' Zax began to move, his oil-slick hands clamped over Galen's arse as the heat and hardness set up a sweet friction that made Galen's face crumple with a pleasure so intense he thought he might die of it. Then they were moving together, the long, slow strokes becoming faster and faster until soft, wounded sounds escaped Galen.

Then Zax sank a circling finger slowly into a body that was hungry for every touch, retreating, advancing, creating a rhythm which seemed to match the beat of Galen's thundering heart. The double stimulation made him cry out, transfixed as he climaxed in silken pulses, gasping against Zax as he slumped.

The world became a little distant. Galen was dimly aware of Zax withdrawing from his body, of being stroked and kissed and gentled. Echoes of the exquisite sensations reverberating through him, he opened drugged-looking eyes.

'I thought you might enjoy that,' said Zax, kissing the side of his mouth.

Galen applied himself to the next kiss, which was shorter than he would have liked because he was still breathing as if he had run a great distance. 

'I've never... It could have been the first time,' he gasped, making a gift of the truth. He was rewarded by a smile of such brilliance that he had to kiss Zax again. 

Only then did Galen become aware of Zax's banked tension, and its reason, which had nothing to do with impotence. 'I left you behind. Lucky really.' He stretched across to retrieve the phial of oil.

His eyes wide and desperate, Zax gave a small growl of frustration when Galen stopped him from masturbating.

'Don't waste it,' said Galen, kneeling up on the mattress beside him. His fingers shook as he poured a little oil into his cupped palm.

'W-what's that for?' Zax was stammering because by this time very little blood was left in his brain. 

Galen's smile licked headily around him. 'So you can fuck me.'

'Yesss.' Even as he said it, Zax was in retreat. 'B-but not until I can be sure... Right now all I can think about is me. I won't risk making you flinch from me again.'

'You won't. I want you inside me, now.' Galen encircled the base of Zax's prick and slid his hand up, collecting the moisture seeping from the tip, rubbing the head with the edge of his thumb.

But Zax was too near the edge. His teeth clenched, a ragged sound escaped him as he began to thrust into the tunnel of flesh offered to him. Engulfed in heat, his outflung hands barely supporting him, Zax came, splattering both of them with his warmth.

It was over before it had begun.

'Fuck it,' gasped Zax, when he was capable of speech. One leg twisted beneath him, his head slumped, he was totally spent.

'That seems a bit optimistic right now.' Galen nudged now limp flesh gently with his knuckles. 'So much for Plan A. I thought you were supposed to be the expert in pacing yourself?'

'I'd like to see you in similar circumstances.' From the glint in his eyes Zax was already planning his campaign.

Recovered enough to uncoil his cramped legs, he licked thoughtfully at Galen's wrist before his nose wrinkled with distaste. 'Too much oil to be able to taste you,' he judged, before he began to chuckle. 

Exuding an air of relaxed contentment, Galen toyed with an oil-sticky coil of pubic hair, gave it a gentle tug and bent to kiss the crease along the top of Zax's flat belly.

 _Cherished_ was the word Zax had used. Galen understood what he had meant by it now but knew better than to comment, so he retrieved the bedcovers, kissed Zax and held him until he slid into sleep with the ease and speed Galen envied so much.

 

oOo

One day tumbling untroubled into the next, it was the first settled period Galen had enjoyed since he had been a child. Physically comfortable and emotionally at ease with those sharing his life, he learnt to suspend thoughts of the future and take each day as it came.

With the memories of physical hardship receding, and the luxury of time to themselves, everyone had hours to spend as they wished, within the constraints imposed by the need to keep warm, fed and clean.

The attics were a treasure trove. When Anike found the first crateful of books Bob and Zax turned into musty, dust-covered bores, who emerged from the printed page only at mealtimes, until the others forced them to do their fair share of the work.

The days were measured in domestic triumphs and disasters. One of the best had been the discovery of egg-laying hens, although only Galen had recognised the unprocessed birds for what they were. Lost to succulent visions of meat, Eddy never mentioned the subject again when it was pointed out to him that he would first have to kill, pluck and clean his meal.

Another had been the find made when Sade braved the spidery depths of the cellar to return with a few dusty bottles containing wine, clouded with age. Naturally they drank it.

It had been Zax, the only abstainer, who had put Galen to bed that night. Galen's memories of the evening were hazy, although he had not forgotten the sensations which had swept over him in their creaking double bed, lost to the touch of the wickedly knowing mouth which had seemingly tasted every inch of him, rousing drink-sodden flesh to fever pitch. His cry when he came had roused the household, Bob bursting in on them, convinced the Regulators had arrived. Galen still refused to believe he could have lain there, stark naked, and told Bob that no, it had just been him coming, copiously, although Zax swore it was the truth.

Thanks to Taruna stumbling into an underground cache they now had a plentiful supply of food concentrates and protein bars to supplement the fresh food they now enjoyed. With that worry removed, even Galen let himself relax fully.

 

oOo

It was, thought Eddy idly, a perfect day. The storm of the previous evening was over, the sun was shining in a sky so blue that it felt good to be alive. Everyone but Zax and he were out enjoying the cold, sweet air, while they foraged for wood and anything edible. The wind having ripped away three shutters, Eddy had appointed Zax and himself as carpenters for the day. They had yet to finish work on the first one. Swearing volubly, Zax only just saved himself from falling off the narrow ledge on which he was balanced.

'I said you wouldn't be able to reach from there.' A great believer in conserving energy, Eddy was sitting on the kitchen table, his legs swinging aimlessly while he offered a running commentary on Zax's efforts.

'Several times. Why are you always right?' said Zax without rancour. 'Whose idea was it for us to do this?'

'Yours.'

'Ah. Not one of my better ideas.' Zax dropped first the nails, then the hammer when he tried to catch them. 'Sod it! I wish I had some of my tools with me,' he added wistfully. He had designed every one of them, each implement feeling like an extension of his own body.

Eddy stared at his back, conscious that this was the first time Zax had voluntarily referred to anything from his past. 'You have. I brought them along with us. Just in case,' he added lamely, when Zax swung around, delight on his face.

'Just what you needed, more weight to carry. We'd better make use of them.' But there was a new colour in Zax's face, the expression in his eyes saying more.

Eddy gave an embarrassed shrug and went to fetch them.

Zax brushed away splinters of wood and flaking plaster, before taking a drag from a cigarette. He automatically passed it to Eddy, when he came back. Only when he returned Eddy's affectionate grin did it occur to Zax that he and Eddy had been sharing their lives like this for years - and that he took Eddy's loving support, friendship and talent for granted far too often.

Without ceremony Eddy thrust the toolkit at him. Despite the privations of the journey the tools were immaculate. 'It's lucky you'd lent me these or Ina would have stolen them along with everything else.'

Hardly daring to touch the tools, it was a moment before Zax trusted his voice. 'I'd be floating in so many specimen jars if it hadn't been for you and the others.'

On a nicotine high after hard weeks of abstinence, Eddy scratched his beard. 'You'd have survived.'

'The attack, possibly. But afterwards? I was too tired to care what became of me. Can you understand that? There didn't seem any purpose or point to anything. Not the first time I've been wrong,' Zax added wryly.

'I don't suppose it'll be the last neither. Give over.'

'Shut up and look modest, I'm trying to say thank you.'

'You're welcome,' said Eddy dryly.

Zax gave an abashed grin. 'Yeah. Well. You know I mean it.'

Eddy patted Zax's side. 'There's no point you wastin' that charm on me. And if you're not goin' to finish that cigarette I can find a use for it. Cheers.' 

He inhaled to the point where Zax wondered if he would pass out from lack of oxygen.

'What made you decide to leave the Maze?' Zax asked abruptly.

Never having shared Zax's need to pick at a subject from every conceivable angle, Eddy stifled a sigh. 'I always wanted to travel.'

'Your idea of travel's always been from bed to table to synthesizer.' Zax hugged Eddy, before stealing the cigarette from between his lips. 'Time we got this shutter up,' he said, picking up the discarded hammer and nails.

'What's wrong with using your gear?' Eddy gestured to the superbly crafted tools, made of a material he had never seen before.

'I'm not going to be beaten by an inanimate object.' 

'OK.' Eddy stood back to ensure he had a good view. 'You're doing great,' he encouraged, as plaster began to rain down over Zax's upturned face.

Zax turned to give him a speaking look and filleted his finger.

The air turned blue. 

Blood flowed, if not in the quantities suggested by Zax's histrionics. He was all froth and fire and Eddy could have kissed him just for being alive and back to the man he had first met. Except that he could not remember ever having seen him this carefree. He waited until Zax ran out of breath. 

'I thought you were supposed to be good with your hands?'

'I'll wrap them around your throat in a minute.' Zax's voice was muffled as he sucked the small wound.

'Give me that hammer,' commanded Eddy tolerantly.

The shutter was up within minutes.

'See, patience, that's all it took.' Eddy cocked his head and waited for Zax to detonate.

'Stop trying to wind me up,' said Zax mildly. 'What is it?' he added.

'I could murder another cigarette.' Eddy had decided it was time to make Zax accept a truth which had been obvious to everyone else. Everyone except Galen, his conscience insisted on reminding him.

Zax looked surprised, knowing that Eddy never went far without a supply about his person, but he handed one over.

'Ta.' Eddy viewed it with affection. 'It's been hell since I ran out.'

'When was that?' Zax checked the shutter again but it withstood his tugging.

'Two days before the Regulators attacked the girls. You and me shared our last butt.' Eddy watched Zax go very still.

'But I've - '

' - been fishing them out of thin air whenever the fancy took you. I didn't think you'd realised.'

Zax discovered he was holding a lighted cigarette and stubbed it out with unsteady jabs. 'You're wrong. I'd know if the power had come back.'

'Don't lie, to me or to yourself. You've been doing the odd thing for weeks. It's nothing to be afraid of.'

Zax shook his head in mute denial, wrapping his arms around his torso in case he reached out and proved what Eddy claimed was true. He had barely come to terms with his loss; the possibility that the power, which had always distanced him from others, had returned was something he was not ready to face. The cost could be too high.

Eddy patted his shoulder. 'It's nothing to be afraid of. Go on, have a try.'

'I don't know if I want it back. What good does it do anyone?' Zax said dully.

'I dunno about _good_ but what you can do is special. Amazing really, not that we tell you too often because it's best to keep you humble. You've never hurt anyone in your life.'

Zax turned back to him. 'No? What about Ina?'

'Like you made the running there,' scoffed Eddy. 'Besides, you were up-front about wanting an assistant you could shag. It's not your fault she didn't believe you.'

Zax worried the side of his cut finger. 'If my power has come back Galen will be hurt.'

'Forcing yourself to become less than you're capable of won't change the truth. You're a magician. He's got to accept it or - '

Zax's expression was one of unguarded misery. 'Or what? I don't want to lose him.'

While that was no surprise to anyone who had seen him with Galen in the last few weeks, Eddy was astonished that Zax should have admitted as much. He had perfected the art of keeping his private life just that; in some respects he was more reticent about his emotional needs than Galen, he was just better at hiding the fact. 

Smoke and mirrors, an entertainer's stock in trade, Eddy reminded himself.

'Anyone can see Galen's potty about you. You've got to be yourself. You know that as well as I do.'

'Yes,' acknowledged Zax finally.

'Then give it a go.'

By the time Zax found the courage to extend a hand into the empty air Eddy had relaxed. When Zax swung back to him, a cigarette in his hand, Eddy managed a watery smile, gave a muffled exclamation and caught Zax in a fierce, congratulatory hug. 'I told you! Didn't I say?'

It was impossible for Zax to remain still. Caught in the euphoria of the moment, and feeling whole again, the caution he been taught by the greed, jealousy and fear of others was forgotten. Incandescent with joy, he whirled Eddy round and around. Breathless and dizzy, he finally stilled to cradle Eddy's undistinguished face between his palms. His kiss was one of open tenderness.

'Thanks. For everything. I don't know what I'd do without you.'

'I just thought moaning at you would be the best way to make you see sense.'

'Yeah, yeah. You're never going to let me forget this, I know.' Zax paused, sobering. 'You put up with a lot. All of you. I don't mean to take you for granted, even if it might seem that way.' He spun away, his joy seeking some expression.

There was a blur of motion, the ensuing heat from the range making Eddy step back a pace, brushing silver dust from his hair and shoulders. 'Tone it down before you set fire to what's left of the flue. But while the going's good I could use another cigarette.'

'Not the moon or stars?'

'Not just yet.'

Eddy was learning to spot the moment of introspection which heralded the unexpected. Tolerant of the showman's flamboyance, he was caught up in Zax's childlike delight in displaying each and every skill. He realised that what he had taken for arrogance had been no more than Zax's unquestioning acceptance of a power he had always been able to summon at will.

Another cigarette was handed to him with a flourish and a bow.

'How _do_ you do that?' Eddy demanded, mildly exasperated.

'What?' His concentration elsewhere, Zax lit the room with an eerie light before dousing it.

'Making something out of nothing.'

'I just...will it so,' Zax said, uneasy at being asked to analyse something that came by instinct, superstitiously afraid it might be lost to him again.

'Handy. I've noticed the cigarettes come ready lit. Try one unlit, would you.'

An unlit cigarette appeared between long fingers and was gratefully appropriated.

'A few more would be nice. Save me having to disturb you and Galen at three in the morning when I fancy a smoke.'

'You'd do more than smoke if you disturbed Galen at that time of the night.'

Eddy stared at the heap of cigarettes Zax produced for him and called an amused halt. 'Hold up, those will last me a month. I'm starting to think we've been treating this a bit casually. It's time you did some thinking. What _exactly_ can you do?'

Green eyes glowed with a mysterious life. The hair prickling on the back of his neck, Eddy shivered, feeling distanced and insignificant. Hypnotised by that compelling gaze, he watched awareness seep back into Zax's face.

'Are you all right?' he asked uneasily.

'Of course.' Zax was staring at something only he could see. 'But there's so much power. More than I ever realised. How would I know?' he snapped, unsettled and with no wish to find himself segregated by what had always been a two-edged sword.

'You know to be careful with it. At least, you did in the past. It's one of the things I love you for.' Eddy had the rare satisfaction of knowing he had embarrassed Zax.

'Even after Veronica?'

'What happened to her was none of your doing. Still, it'd be as well to remember that automatons aren't the answer.'

Zax looked down, toeing a fragment of plaster. 'I learned that early on. It was just... They were better than nothing.'

'Well, that's in the past. I've had a thought. Can you heat water?'

'Of course.'

'Fantastic!' Eddy gave him a brief one-armed hug. 'I knew you had to be worth your weight in sawdust. The girls will be thrilled to have hot water on tap.' As he intended, that dispelled Zax's last trace of doubt. 'Tell the others.'

'Including Galen?'

'Why not? He'll be...' Eddy trailed off into silence.

'We both know he won't. It isn't scientific and I can't explain it. He flinches away from the very word _magic_.' Despite what he said, Zax found it difficult to pay more than lip-service to the thought of Galen's displeasure. He felt whole again.

'He'll come around. You'll have to tell him.'

'Later. When the time's right I'll lighten his darkness.' Zax spun around, sending small flares of light dancing across the room.

'You always were a handful back at the theatre. I hate to think what you'll be like when you've really got back the knack.' Eddy's grin gave that the lie. 'You go off and play while I see to the other two shutters.'

'I could help.'

'That's not what I'd call it. Go.' Eddy gave him a light slap on the backside. He blinked when Zax vanished in front of his eyes, a trick previously saved for the stage.


	13. Chapter 13

The troupe took to gathering together in the evenings, snug in front of the huge fireplace while the snow fell ever deeper, the land caught in the iron grip of winter. Because the future was uncertain at best, the conversations usually culminated in reminiscences about the lives they had left behind. It was wholly alien to Galen but he loved to hear the gossip about the theatre, until the night he turned and saw the misery on Zax's face. Before he could go to him, Zax slipped from the room. He was gone for some hours, returning to their bedroom only when he assumed Galen would be asleep.

Afraid that Zax might not come back at all the next time, Galen did not disillusion him.

It was a pattern which repeated itself night after night.

Galen did not push the issue, not that he thought it would make any difference. Zax ignored hints and brushed aside questions - unless they related to _magic_ , a subject which made Galen increasingly irritable. With a concrete reality to concentrate on, he could not understand why Zax insisted on maintaining that ridiculous fantasy.

oOo

Galen lit two candles, wondering why rooms seemed colder and darker when Zax was not there. Wind-driven sleet slapped against the sturdy shutters, draughts eddying around the room, but he refused to worry. Zax would come back, he always did. But the fear that one night he would just move on did nothing to ease the knot in his belly. 

He was losing a game whose rules were a mystery to him, Zax drifting farther and farther away. By dint of coaxing, jokes, or lazy questions when they were on the edge of sleep, Zax had taught him to talk about himself but he had learnt little in return, Zax an enigma he was wary of questioning. Zax's moods were more varied than the weather but while he possessed the saving grace of being able to laugh at himself Galen would forgive him anything. Sometimes, when Zax did not realise he was under surveillance, he glimpsed a desolation so acute that he ached to assuage it in the only way he knew how. But all sex did was reinforce how little they communicated on any other level.

At one time Galen would have thought the fragments he had been given would be enough but he had glimpsed how much more there was and could never be satisfied with half-measures again. 

If only Zax would stop insisting he was a magician. Galen could accept the idea of a conjuror and a weaver of fantasy, particularly at night, when that velvety, spellbinder's whisper stroked the darkness, but that could not convince him there was any such thing as _magic_. He had seen Zax in almost every conceivable physical state and he was human through and though, therefore he could not be a magician. Galen could not bring himself to venture beyond that unscaleable barrier.

Without ceremony the door to their room banged open, Zax framed in the doorway, one hand clenched on either side of the door jamb.

'You decided to come back then,' said Galen, irritated by such a theatrical entrance.

Zax kicked the door shut, the sole of his foot remaining poised against the wood, his expression as cold as the air which eddied in with him. Melting snow clung to his hair and cloak, beaded droplets of water sliding down the planes of his face. 

'Did you think I wouldn't?' He heeled off his boots, stripped and stepped through his soaked garments to reach the fire, which seemed to glow white-hot at his approach. Flame-lit and infinitely mysterious, Zax broke the spell when he began to towel himself dry, imbuing even that mundane action with a grace and sensuality that made the breath catch in Galen's throat. 

Galen affected not to notice the influx of warmth, or the golden light flickering even in the dark corners of the room. Tricks, not magic, he told himself. Unfair that one man could do this to him, and not just because of his enticing body, or that knowing chuckle. Nothing so simple. 

He longed for more but did not know how to ask for it. He had never begged in his life - except occasionally, when having his prick sucked.

'I sometimes wonder if you'd come back, if it wasn't for the fact you have nowhere else to go.' He had almost pressed the bitterness from his voice.

Zax turned to dissect him with that disconcerting stare. 'Don't be more stupid than you can help,' he snapped, in no mood for sentimental avowals. 'Of course I'll come back to you. You know that.'

'Do I?'

'Oh, for fuck's sake!' The fire spat and hissed when a log was tossed into its fragile heart, sparks leaping up the chimney and into the hearth. With a visible effort Zax controlled his irritation. 'I just wanted to be by myself for a while. It's a luxury I thought I could have with you.'

The logic of that escaping him, Galen undressed and got into bed, his back to the man glaring at him. Domesticity was no match for mystery and illusion. Small wonder Zax had tired of it and him too, now that his hurts were healed.

Zax gave an exasperated hiss. 'Lying there like a lump of wood won't solve anything. It isn't a sin to want to be away from other people. Even you. Or would you rather I lied, or stayed to take it out on you so that we spend every evening shouting at one another?' For all that, he approached the bed as if drawn by a magnet.

Galen hunched his shoulders in rejection and twitched the blankets even higher.

'Well, if you're going to lie there sulking,' said Zax unfairly.

'That's rich, coming from you,' Galen snarled, turning to glare at him. 'Just once I wish you'd pay me the compliment of telling me what's bothering you.'

'But I...' _have_ , completed Zax silently. 'I have tried,' he said, gentle now, but when Galen flinched and looked away he knew he could not do it, not tonight. 'It isn't easy to explain something I don't fully understand and that you don't believe in.' His hands parted in a gesture of emptiness more telling than hours of speech.

Wilfully deaf to his meaning, even while he could not ignore that appeal, Galen sat up and took those expressive hands in his own. 'You try. If I remember correctly, you start by relaxing. Then I look into your eyes...' He teased Zax's lower lip with his tongue and was taken in rib-bruising hug.

'I wish it was that simple because I'd take you into myself and never let you go. _Never_ ,' Zax repeated fiercely, his kiss as sweet as any they had shared.

Seduced into believing the danger was past, Galen stayed behind his flippant mask, feeling on safe ground there. 'It'd be difficult to get downstairs like that.' When he gained no response he gave Zax an expectant nudge. 'I said - '

'I heard you.' Zax gave a counterfeit smile and allowed himself to be drawn down, losing himself in Galen. 

But later, holding his sated lover while Galen slept, he stared out into the darkness, wondering what would become of them if Galen continued to refuse to accept what he was.

oOo 

The heavy kitchen door was flung open as Galen, together with a quantity of snow and freezing air entered the room.

'Man, where have you been?' exclaimed Bob.

'I got lost.' Galen bolted the door behind him and shook snow from his uncovered head.

'From here to the barn?'

'There's a blizzard going on out there.'

'Next time two of us will go for wood.'

'So two of us can get lost instead of one?'

'Where are the eggs?'

'I dropped them.' His coat and boots removed, Galen was steaming gently as he stood by the range.

'No eggs for breakfast then,' said Bob, philosophical because it had not been his turn for one. 'You want some coffee?'

'I'd sell my soul for some.' After his first sip, Galen's nose wrinkled. 'Whatever this is, it isn't coffee. I'm off to bed to try and warm up. Where's Zax?'

'Anike's having a bath,' said Bob absently, accepting that he was never going to develop a taste for acorn coffee.

'So?' Propped sleepily against the door jamb, Galen pondered the relevance of that remark.

'She wanted hot water.' Bob had forgotten about the conspiracy of silence which protected Galen from having to admit the extent of Zax's formidable powers.

'Oh.' Galen gestured his incomprehension and headed upstairs.

He relieved himself, debated washing, decided against it because it was so cold and went into the bedroom. It was in darkness, his breath hanging whitely in the air because he had forgotten to make up the fire, which was reduced to glowing ashes. He eventually located a candle and by its light set about clearing the grate, setting a new fire and coaxing it to draw. The bed was already as close to the hearth as was practicable and Galen quickly stripped and slid under the clammy feeling bedding. He huddled into a ball, hoping Zax would arrive in time to warm him before he fell asleep.

 

'You look like a dormouse,' a familiar voice whispered in his ear.

By the glow of the forgotten candle Galen could see Zax's shadowed face bending over him, vibrant with a distressing amount of energy.

'I feel like it,' he mumbled. 'Come to bed.' He hitched the covers back over the tip of his ear before it got frostbite.

Already shivering, Zax frowned. It was ridiculous that he and Galen should be this cold when it was within his power to give everyone heat, light and hot water; simple comforts which the others enjoyed and which Galen did not know existed. He had tried to tell Galen, only to find the conversation turned, or changed, or stopped altogether. He had even given a simple demonstration but Galen had remained determinedly oblivious. The panicked, lost look in Galen's eyes had stopped him from trying again.

As he undressed his attention was on the huddled lump in the centre of the bed and he was lanced by a ridiculous warmth which had nothing of desire in it.

'I haven't seen much of you all day,' he said, tucking himself around Galen, who offered small comfort in the cold hell of the bed. 'What have you been doing?'

'Your feet,' Galen moaned, but he allowed them to remain where they were.

'You're a saint. So what have you been doing?' Zax snuggled impossibly closer, his cold hands folded over Galen's warm belly.

'I've been trying my magic touch on that generator we found in one of the barns.'

' _Magic_?'

'Joke,' said Galen, shying away from the topic which caused nothing but dissent.

'Why are you so insistent there's no such thing? We could at least talk about it.'

Galen's face lost all trace of expression. 'Why I ever complained about you being too quiet I'll never know. I'm tired, I want to go to sleep.'

Hungry for him, Zax wondered if, cold as it was, Galen could be seduced into fucking him for the first time. 'It must be sad to have so little stamina,' he whispered, badly misjudging Galen's mood.

'How old are you? You're worse than some bloody brat for not knowing when to keep quiet.'

Zax took the query at face value. 'I'm not sure, thirty-four, thirty-five.' He shrugged, the point clearly of no importance to him.

'Don't you know?' said Galen, side-tracked.

Zax looked surprised. 'Not for certain. By the time I began to wonder anyone who knew the exact date was dead. Don't tell me, you know your time of birth down to the last millisecond?'

Over-sensitive, Galen said stiffly, 'I was born in a Centre. Such details are recorded as a matter of course. Does it bother you that I'm only half-Name?'

The bitter question presented Zax with the perfect opportunity. 'Not half as much as the fact I'm wholly a magician seems to bother you. Why won't you believe that? We are what we are.'

'I don't believe it because I'm not a lack-wit.'

There was a short, inimical silence.

'What does that make me I wonder?' said Zax, with a dangerous calm.

'A pain in the arse. Go to sleep.'

'You can't keep pushing away the truth. We have to talk about it some time.'

'No, we really don't.'

Zax clung to the shreds of his control. 'At least tell me why you don't believe in magic.'

'I may have mentioned this before but I'll say it again, I'm tired, I want to go to sleep. As for _magic_ , I've never seen any trick that can't be explained away.'

'Is that all that's been worrying you?' marvelled Zax indulgently.

Galen's chill of presentiment had nothing to do with the cold air that swarmed under the blankets when Zax moved. 'It's enough for me. Go to sleep.'

Before Galen had finished speaking the shadowy room was flooded with brilliance. 

'How's that?' asked Zax, confident that all would be well.

'Turn them off,' said Galen, determinedly calm. He found himself looking into darkness. One hand clenched in the bedding, he felt physically sick as he pieced together the snippets of evidence which had been flaunted in front of him, events he had rejected because if he accepted them he had lost and Zax would have no need of him.

'Well?' prompted Zax expectantly. He had spent the last month alternating between despair at Galen's intransigence and a gleeful exuberance at the return of the power he had once taken for granted. Caught in delighted wonder at the simple trick he had been performing since childhood, he was insensitive to Galen's tension.

'Very impressive. Now can I go to sleep?' asked Galen with condescension.

This time the light was painfully bright. Galen emerged from the blankets to acknowledge the pulsating brilliance, which faded to a benign golden glow.

'When did you fix the generator?' Galen recognised the measure of his mistake immediately.

'That's it, is it?' said Zax, frustration seeping through his hard-won calm.

'What do you want, applause?'

'What I want is for you to accept the evidence of your own eyes. Is what I am so terrible that you can't concede magic exists? Does it negate everything else about me?'

When Galen did not reply Zax pointed at the chimney breast. Flames leapt from damp wood and the core of the fire was soon white-gold with heat, a blissful warmth creeping across the room.

'Very impressive, what did you throw on it?' said Galen, a muscle jumping in his jaw.

His world spun with a twisting wrench, the breath lodged in his throat. He discovered he was lying in the field beyond the house, the mattress beneath him his only point of reality. The blizzard had stopped, the blanketing snow providing the only illumination. But it was not the cold which made Galen shiver, his chill wholly of the heart.

'Why must you do this?'

'It's time you faced the truth. I'm a magician. Accept it. It changes nothing between us.'

'No, of course it doesn't,' said Galen with derision. ' _There is no such thing as magic._ Were there any funny mushrooms in the stew tonight because I'm not usually given to hallucinations?'

Galen found himself in a world lit an unholy blue, Zax gleaming with the same uncanny light standing above him, a naked primeval force.

'Is _this_ a hallucination?' he demanded with an arrogant sweep of his hand.

It took all Galen's courage to get to his feet. He grasped skin and bone until he felt Zax wince. ' _There is no such thing as magic_!' He gave each word a separate and final emphasis.

Caught in that numbing grip, Zax gave a humourless crack of laughter. The trees closest to them burst into flames.

His hands falling to his sides, Galen watched the fire leap from tree top to tree top, the heat keeping the cold from his bare skin. Haloed by flame, he saw Zax's face, iridescent with a wild, savage joy and backed away. 'Is _this_ your magic?'

'It could be.' Zax tilted his face, basking in the heat.

'Stop it. _Please_.' The whispered plea was all but lost in the crackling of the flames.

Zax spun around, rosy-hued and malicious. 'Too hot for you?' he enquired, his eyes glittering.

When he doused the fire the cessation of sound was almost worse than the roar had been. Galen could still see the bare-branched outline of those same trees silhouetted against the skyline, obviously untouched by the conflagration.

'Try this instead.' Zax opened his hands, lighting the sky with whirls and twists of crimson, gold and green, sensuous sweeps of purple and silver, the darkness ablaze with his vivid, abstract designs.

Galen was blind to the beauty of it. He looked incuriously at the silver star which cascaded in a narrowing spiral to whirl at his feet until it faded into nothingness. The sky became an unremarkable blue-black again, speckled with real stars. At least he presumed they were real.

'Is this what it means to see through your eyes?' Despite himself, Galen's voice shook.

'Only when I lose my temper.' Zax was oblivious to the signs of distress. 'You sound odd.' He stepped forward and landed ankle-deep in slush. 'Fuck, no wonder. We're naked. Here.'

A blanket settled around Galen's shoulders. He shuddered and shrugged it off. 'Is the show over, may I leave now?' His face was as devoid of expression as his voice.

Energy pricking his skin, Zax was lit with the same wild irresponsibility that had initiated this display of power. 'Any time you like,' he said, his mind far beyond Galen. 'I brought us out here, didn't I?' To transfer two people a few hundred yards, or nine people to China, relying on the word-pictures Galen had painted of his homeland.

'I don't recall being given a choice in the matter.' Plucked from bedroom to snowfield to satisfy Zax's whim, his freewill had been subjugated, dependant on Zax's caprice. He had been shown his role as the sorcerer's plaything. Galen backed away and when Zax made no attempt to stop him retreated to the sanctuary of the house. 

The doorway was crowded with the wide-eyed troupe. Staring at Galen's shocked, pale face no one dared touch him and he went on his way, alone.

A solitary figure in the centre of the snow, naked beneath a carelessly draped blanket, Zax scarcely registered Galen's departure, his mind focussed.

There was no one to witness the moment when the empty blanket crumpled into the snow.

 

 

Every emotion locked away, Galen headed for the voices in the living room. As he stared from one rapt face to the next, he knew himself to be excluded.

'We were wondering where you'd got to. Wait until you hear what Zax can do!' exclaimed Bob.

'Apart from _magic_?' The question dropped coldly into the heat of their excitement, a warning which they were too preoccupied to notice.

'He can get us to China.' Eddy's sparkling eyes betrayed his mood.

'Just like that, I suppose?' Galen snapped his fingers in a derisive gesture.

'Not quite,' said Zax from behind him, 'but almost.'

With a marked reluctance Galen turned to see Zax as he had seen him only once before - the entertainer was back. Dramatic flashes of paint decorated temple and cheek, silky hair caressing bare shoulders, a white bow tie at Zax's throat, his torso bare beneath a sleeveless cloak that shimmered and caught the light as he moved. The physical appeal was the least of it, Galen caught by something no grainy recording could hope to capture - the aura of power emanating from the straight-backed figure, challenge implicit in every line of a body which had lost all familiarity.

It was final proof that the dream was over. His own magic was too mundane, relying on the tangibles of touch and shared laughter, the tiny moments of everyday life; devoid of mystery, they had not been enough. Galen was late in remembering to feed his starved lungs. 

'You've found your war paint then? That part of the Art, is it?' he sneered.

'Yes.' Soft and sibilant, the answer was no surprise.

'Handy. After the pyrotechnics earlier, every Regulator on the Island is probably on their way here.'

Not having given that possibility a thought, the troupe exchanged uneasy glances.

'They don't travel at night. We'll be gone before they arrive,' said Zax without concern. He reached out his hands and smiled. 'Who'll be the first to travel with me?'

Without pause or hesitation Bob and Anike stepped forward to flank him, linking their fingers with his, bags in their free hands.

'You believe him?' said Galen with disbelief.

No one was listening, their expectant eyes fixed on Zax's supremely confident figure. His skin burnished by the winter sun, his eyes luminous and kohl-shadowed, he smiled. 'See what I see,' he invited Galen.

'Once was enough.' Galen looked away from the spell-binder's face to stare at the others. 'He could kill you. Even if he can transport himself, who's to say he won't take you over a precipice? Just because he moved two people a few hundred yards doesn't mean he has the power to - '

Only then did Galen realise what he had admitted.

Eddy looked at him with something like pity. 'Would it be so hard to trust Zax?'

'Yes.' 

The breath dying in his throat, Galen became aware of the awesome gathering of energy, rooted to the spot as mandrake green eyes stared through him. Then, quite without warning, there was only space where three people had stood.

No one moved or spoke for what felt like a long time.

Eddy sighed. 'That's the way to travel. I might just give up walking altogether. Make sure you pack all the essentials and we'll decide who's going with who.'

'That's been arranged,' Monica told him patiently, 'and you're the only one who isn't ready - as usual. You'll be going with Sade, she gets travel sick.'

Galen did not have the comfort of believing she was joking. Not daring to wonder what might have become of Zax, he jumped when Zax reappeared in front of him, his glittering eyes eloquent of his sense of triumph.

'All right, the trick's over. What have you done with Bob and Anike?' Galen shivered at the look he received.

Zax extended his hands to Eddy and Sade, although he could not have known who was to go next.

He was gone for longer this time, Galen's mind enmeshed in nightmarish images of what could have gone wrong. When Zax reappeared he held a sprig of bamboo, new-green and tender.

'For you,' he said to Galen.

His face set with repudiation, Galen made no attempt to take it and the shoot fell to the ground. Zax trod on it when he stepped back to the three women, his smile embracing them.

'Together,' he suggested.

They never doubted him, gathering close with a trust Galen envied in that moment. When they disappeared without a backward glance or word of farewell, they were laughing, Zax their vivid heart.

Alone, the sounds of the empty house settling over him, Galen waited but no one returned.


	14. Chapter 14

 

The warm, damp air telling him they had arrived, Zax could not move for a moment. As the women drifted away to stare with wonder at the view across the valley, he sank to his knees, spent. Moments later there was a rustle of sound and the warmth of people pressing against him. He lacked the energy to ask them to move back.

'You shouldn't have rushed it, three trips was too many,' scolded Eddy.

His eyes closed, Zax nodded. 'The Regulators may be closing in. I didn't want to risk splitting the group.'

'Why?' asked Bob, ultra-casual.

'Because we belong together.'

Zax was blind to the look of triumph Bob exchanged with Anike. If Zax was speaking of unity Galen had succeeded better than he could know. Only then did Bob realise they were one short. 'Where's Galen?' 

'Back at the farmhouse,' said Zax colourlessly. 'It will take all my energy to bring him unless he lends me his trust.'

'Can either of you find enough?' asked Eddy bluntly, his fingers over Zax's too rapid pulse.

'We can't afford not to,' said Zax with simple truth.

It was only Galen's vivid descriptions of this valley which had made the journey possible, a journey the enormity of which Zax was careful not to dwell on because any lessening of his certainty could be lethal. While he rested he took his first good look at China. The land rose up and swooped down around him, verdant, tranquil and so beautiful it seemed impossible that it could be real. It smelt alien but no doubt he would get used to it, his life until now a pattern of change and loss.

But no one had ever been as important as Galen.

'What if Galen won't come with you?' asked Eddy. In retrospect, the arrogance with which Zax had imposed his power on Galen the night before worried him.

'I don't intend to give him a choice. He'll come because I will it, if for no other reason,' said Zax.

'You would force him?' exclaimed Sade.

'Of course.' Defiant, Zax out-stared her with ease.

'You can't do that to him. Not after last night. What has he ever done to be treated so?'

'To be brought to safety?'

'To be forced. You always claimed to despise those who impose their will on others.' Sade flinched at the smile that elicited, Zax's eyes ice-green and knowing: far too knowing.

'Everyone uses whatever power they have, small though it may be. You're not slow to trade on your sexuality. Nor am I.'

'That's different. What you're talking about is imposing your will on him. You don't do that to anyone.'

Zax cocked his head. 'But how can you be sure?' He sensed rather than saw the beginning of a dreadful doubt on every face and smiled again.

Sade's hand shot out, her slap connecting with enough force to swing his head around. 'Did you permit _that_! Stop toying with our emotions. You've never done that and you've no intention of starting now! All this is just to hide the truth, even from yourself. You'll force Galen to come with you because you love him. If you'd told him that he would follow you anywhere. But I was forgetting, Zax doesn't need anyone. You're terrified, aren't you? Terrified of losing him.'

One side of his face aflame, Zax stared at her. 'You're wrong.'

'Lie to yourself if you must, we deserve better,' said Bob with untypical severity.

The transfer had left them curled as tight as springs, the turmoil of their emotions seeking an outlet. Disillusioned and angry, Bob padded closer, flanked by Anike and Eddy, the others moving to join them. Affection banished, their faces were set and unfamiliar. Zax had made them doubt him, shattering the sense of security they had been unconscious of until he had taken it from them.

The image of Galen's expression filled Zax's mind, all too aware that Galen's confused misery was his doing. He tried to smile at Bob but saw only antagonism masking fear - as he had seen in the audience who had turned on him. His pulse thumping in his ears, his mouth dry, his palms damp, he did not know what to do. There was no where to run - not from Bob and the others.

Numb with terror, Zax took a deliberate step towards whatever his destiny might be.

'Is this where we vanish, or do we get turned into pillars of salt?' demanded Bob.

Zax took another step towards them, trying to control his shaking. At least he knew what to expect this time. It would be over quickly.

On the edge of the advancing group, Sade was the first to interpret the expression on Zax's face. 'Stop! Can't you see what he expects us to do to him?'

Shaken by her cry, Bob stared at Sade, who now stood between them and Zax. 'If he's expecting a thump, he'll be right, the manipulative bastard.'

'It's worse than that.' Sade shivered at how close they had come to violence. 'He isn't even conscious of who we are any more. All he knows is that a mob turned on him once, an audience who loved him. Why should we, his friends, be any different?' She took Zax's cold hands in her own, chafing them. His blank stare did not change.

'It's all right, sweetheart. You're safe, amongst friends.' Despite a stream of reassurance it took a long while to get a response.

Dull-eyed with exhaustion, Zax became conscious of a warm voice, eventually the words made sense. 'How can it be all right if I've brought us to this pitch of violence?' His fingers slid from the undeserved comfort.

Bob darted forward, only to stop when Zax flinched. Then Bob noticed that he was shaking. 'I'm sorry for losing my temper. That trip shook all of us. Including your trial run you've made four trips in under an hour.'

Zax wanted to respond but his mind seemed to be caught in several dimensions at the same time. He managed a travesty of a smile but it was a while before he trusted himself to speak. 'You were right, I lied about everything. I'm sorry.'

'Don't be,' said Monica stoutly.

'Never mind that, he needs to rest for a while. There's no rush,' said Eddy.

'Galen's still on the Island. Will you wait here until we get back, so we can find you? Only don't wait more than three days,' Zax added, his voice a thread of sound as he made it to his feet.

'You'll burn yourself out,' Eddy protested.

Zax's assumption that he only had to reappear for Galen to agree to step into the void with him made Bob wince, able to anticipate Zax's likely reception. 'Be...' He hesitated, wary of hurting Zax but desperate to make his point, '...patient with Galen. Given him time to accept the truth about you.'

Zax gave him a look of surprise. 'Whether Galen lets me transport him here is up to him, but I won't leave him alone.' He closed his eyes as he sought the strength to match his will, focussing both on the spot he knew only by instinct. His image faded so slowly that they saw he was already crumpling to the ground.

'Bob?' Anike's hand clenched over his arm.

'I don't know, honey,' he replied, reluctant to meet anyone's eyes and see his fear reflected back at him. 'If all it takes is will power, then he'll make it.'

'And if it isn't?' Typically, it was Sade who had the courage to ask the question they were all thinking.

'Then he's lost,' said Bob sombrely.

A gentle rain began to fall.

oOo

He woke to the smell of acrid wood smoke, a familiar, everyday scent tainted by the memory of licking flames and the quiet, shaken voice which had pleaded with him to stop. Even before he opened his eyes Zax tried to stand, uncoordinated as a new-born foal. His will an insufficient spur, he sank, splay-legged, to the ground and waited for the strength to try again. The first thing he saw was the crushed shoot of bamboo.

'You're alive then,' said Galen, as he came into the room with an armful of wood. 

The relief at seeing him safe was so intense that Zax was ignominiously close to tears. 'Y-you c-couldn't believe I would l-leave you.' His voice was barely his own.

'After last night I no longer know what to expect from you. Why did you come back?'

'To b-bring you to safety of course,' said Zax, bewildered that there should be any doubt.

'Reinforcing the fact that I couldn't. Thank you, but no. Still, at least you've woken up in time to wave me on my way.'

Zax shook his head, as if trying to clear it. He rubbed his cheek, smearing his make-up, before staring at his yellow-streaked palm, as if wondering where the colour had come from. 'W-way?' From Galen's expression he knew he should be able to understand but the ability to concentrate kept sliding away.

'With you safe in China my job's done,' Galen reminded him.

'But we aren't in China.' He could be certain of that much.

'You soon will be.'

'And you w-won't?'

'You're actually listening to me for once. That's exactly what I mean.'

'But we're meant to be t-together.'

That simple assumption took Galen aback. 'Then the Fates are going to be disappointed. I am my own destiny.'

Unable to move from his boneless huddle, Zax watched Galen's face in the shadows cast by the fire, trying to gauge his feelings. A slight rigidity of the jaw line proclaimed a degree of control but that was his only clue.

'I need you,' said Zax, sticking to essentials because more complex thought was beyond him.

'No, you want me. There is a difference. What you need is to flaunt your power in front of an audience. To hold their hearts in the palm of your hand. Be careful they don't turn on you again, that's a dangerous gift you possess.'

'And you see nothing more in me?' Zax's voice gave no hint of his inner turmoil, that less a protective device than the fact he did not have the strength to spare.

'Is there anything else? I was seduced into believing there might be, for a while. Perhaps there is. But it isn't enough.'

Unsurprised by the irony, Zax nodded. Having found someone who wanted him for himself alone, he had turned Galen away once too often, severing the tenuous ties between them. It was a costly pride that did not know when to bend. He had flaunted his regained power with the careless cruelty of a child intent on proving its strength to a weaker companion, knowing Galen shied away from even a mention of the word _magic_.

Galen made a final check of the room. His bag was already packed and there was plenty of wood and water for Zax. All he had to do was take the first step away from him. 'Why did you come back?' He made an accusation of the question.

'Because we belong together.'

Galen made a harsh sound of impatience and scooped up his belongings. 'I don't know why I bothered to ask!'

This time Zax made it to his feet, catching hold of Galen's sleeve. 'Trust me.'

Galen shrugged free of him. 'To do what? I've no mind to be any man's play-thing, transported at your whim.'

'You think I would treat you so?'

'You already have,' Galen pointed out, his expression unforgiving.

Zax flinched and looked down. 'Yes. I lost my temper.'

'I noticed. I got off lightly, all things considered. It's what you might do next time that worries me. I've no intention of being turned into whatever suits your warped fancy.'

'Don't be ridiculous. It doesn't work like that.'

'So you say. But you also insist you don't know how it works, so how can you be sure?'

'I can be certain I would never use magic against you again. I give you my word,' said Zax, with a trace of desperation.

Galen's sound of derision echoed around the flag-stoned kitchen.

'When have I ever lied to you?' said Zax, the wall at his back helping him to remain upright.

'I'm in no position to be able to answer that. This is where we go our separate ways. _Say what you have to say, do what you want to do but leave me alone.'_

There was a short silence.

'I said that to someone once,' murmured Zax, wondering bleakly if Ina had felt then what he was feeling now.

'So?'

'I got my wish.' Realising he was still wearing his stage wig, Zax unhooked the pins, dragged it off and let it fall to the ground, before wiping his face with his palms, smearing the paint. 'Where do we go next?'

'What?'

'What I'm trying, very clumsily, to say is that where you go, I go.'

Galen felt a surge of near hatred. Half-naked, drooping with fatigue, and mottled with the cold there was still something about this one man. Unless he made the break now his life would never be his own again. 'I don't want you,' he said with brutal frankness.

Zax lifted his chin, his wide, kohl-smudged eyes holding Galen's. 'No?' 

That monumental conceit set Galen's teeth on edge, his temper sliding from restraint. 'Let me rephrase that. We both know I enjoy sex with you, especially since you've livened up a bit, but the novelty doesn't last forever, not even with a magician.'

He paused but Zax's expression had undergone no great change, except that he had flinched, once, before he was still.

'I don't know much about you because you don't volunteer anything. Maybe that's just as well because what I know I don't particularly like. The odd moment of generosity isn't enough. Go to China, weave your spells to entrap the credulous, I've no use for them.' Slinging his backpack over one shoulder, Galen turned away.

'I could stop you from leaving,' said Zax quietly.

Galen's shoulders tensed. There was open contempt on his face when finally he turned around. 'I no longer doubt that. But if you do, then what do you suppose will be left to us?'

His cloak a useless protection from his inner chill, Zax's mouth twisted in a wry smile. 'Just this, I suppose. I'm sorry for what I did to you. More than you know. Be happy, Galen.' 

He turned away because he could not bear to watch Galen leave. But even braced for it, his eyes scrunched shut when he heard the latch click shut as Galen closed the door behind him. Only when the sound of his footsteps had faded into nothingness did Zax move, needing to find some place to hide, from himself most of all. The deserted kitchen offered no comfort, betraying all the signs of hurried leave-taking.

He wandered through the house, hearing not his own footsteps but the echo of shared laughter. At least everyone was safe in China. Out from under his shadow who knew what they might become? But he would miss them...

He closed the thought away.

Eventually he came to the room he and Galen had shared. The wide bedframe, devoid of a mattress, was an unnecessary reminder of what he had done.

It occurred to him that he had no idea where he would go. What he would do. Why he had ever thought it mattered.

In his mind's eye he continued to track Galen's retreat through the snowy landscape, until he knew Galen must have reached the woods on the ridge of the hill. Then he let even the image of him go free.

Something tearing deep within him, he felt as if he could not breathe.

Galen was gone.

He pressed a fist to his mouth to silence the ugly sounds fighting to escape, forcing himself to inhale, then exhale, concentrating on those two simple tasks until he no longer had to think about the process of dragging air into his lungs and expelling it again.

After a while it occurred to him that the worst of his shuddering was probably due to the cold.

Sometime after that he realised that he did not have to go anywhere. He had no responsibilities now.

Odd to remember he had once longed for that.

He crouched in front of the ashes in the grate and tried to build a fire, laying the twigs that would form its base as he had seen Galen lay them, finding matches with which to light them and coaxing the sparks to life. 

But when he stared into the heart of the flames he saw only burning wood.

 

 

Galen was more than two miles from the house and making excellent time for someone who had no idea where he was going, when his sustaining fury ebbed away. His pace slowing, he abruptly set down his backpack and frowned into the middle distance. There was no rush. He had no reason to fear the Regulators and it would take him under a day to reach the nearest terminal. He could be back in China within a week.

He could not imagine settling down with any peace of mind while knowing the troupe were stranded only Zax knew where. He would have to go back for him and travel with Zax to wherever he had left the others. Once they were all safe with the Controller his life could get back to normal. Except he did not want his old, sterile life back, he wanted Zax, pride postponing the moment when he would have to return and admit as much. The arrogant bastard was probably wondering what was taking him so long. Let him wait and wonder. Let him learn something of uncertainty.

But Galen's inconvenient conscience would not be stilled. He had left Zax so weak he could barely stand, never mind defend himself, in an area likely to be swarming with Regulators soon.

 _Where you go, I go._ The words had a fine ring to them but it would not do to believe Zax meant what they had implied. Words came cheap.

Cheap or not, here he was, free as a bird. If Zax had meant it, and meaning it had let him go...

If Zax had let him go so easily there was good reason for it, it would not do to return with another false image of him. An unleashed power of the magnitude Zax could command had a devastating potential, yet even when lost to temper Zax had not threatened him with harm, or placed him in danger. With the benefit of hindsight Galen was prepared to admit that his paramount emotion, after the first shock, had been a blazing resentment, willing to accept no man as his master.

Accustomed to giving material things which demanded nothing of his emotions, Galen knew Zax would demand everything, which scared him to death because he barely knew the man to whom he had lost his heart. And he did not trust himself to keep Zax happy.

The legend of Zax the Magician was that of a weaver of spells and a purveyor of enchantment, but what drew him had nothing to do with magic and everything with the man Zax was. For all his undoubted power, from whatever source it came, there was a gloriously familiar humanity to him. But his... _magic_ , damn it, was unsettling.

Nothing came free.

What did he really want, life with a man whose strengths and failings were little different from his own, or with a maimed entertainer who was dependent on him? The shadow, or the substance he was still learning?

Galen shrugged away lingering doubts, pushed himself from the support of the tree and hurried back the way he had come. With Zax he felt alive in a way he had never known before. They might not have a quiet life but it would never be dull.

By the time Galen passed the forlorn-looking mattress stranded in the centre of a muddy field he was smiling. He would come to terms with the strangeness of those disconcerting skills, no more grudging evasions.

As he entered the house he refused to wonder what he would do if Zax was not there. His confidence began to waver as he searched the deserted ground floor, then ran upstairs, taking the steps two and three at a time. At last he came to the room he and Zax had made their own. His first sight was of the miserable glimmer of a fire that could offer small comfort to the man huddled at the hearth's edge, oblivious.

Uncertain what he should do for the best, Galen hovered in the doorway, conscious of a spreading ache when, his eyes accustomed to the lack of light, he noticed the spent matches strewn in the hearth.

Zax could not have taken seriously accusations thrown in the heat of the moment, could he? It did not seem in character. Sulking then, Galen decided, as he went over to Zax, who had his knees to his chest, his face hidden against them, hands locked tight around his shins.

'I might have known you'd be in the last place I looked. I don't know why you're sitting here freezing when a flick of your fingers can bring heat and light. It would save on matches, too,' Galen said, trying too hard to sound casual.

Zax flinched at the sound of his voice before he slowly raised his head. A terrible doubt appeared on his ravaged face when he saw Galen.

This not the reaction he had anticipated, Galen was panicked back into speech. 'Earlier, I lost my temper. I didn't mean anything I said. Forgive me?'

His face seeming all eyes, Zax continued to stare at him as if at some long-dreaded chimera. 

It was a moment before Galen could bring himself to admit what the expression in those unblinking eyes meant. 'You're...you're not _afraid_ of me?'

'Galen? Is it really....?' Hesitant and far from welcoming, the question faded away.

'Of course it's me.' Galen crouched beside him but when Zax flinched was careful not to touch him.

'I didn't compel you to come back to me, did I?' Speech was clearly something of an effort, a naked vulnerability in the husky voice. 'I meant to set you free of me. I thought I felt you go.' For the first time Zax looked direct into Galen's shocked face. 'I did try.'

Only when he heard that earnest assurance did Galen understand, conscious of a sickening twist of fear, and not on his own account. Everything was far from all right if Zax could so mistrust his own power and he had no idea how to reassure him. He had been prepared for the force of Zax's formidable personality to be ranged against him, even for withdrawal; this hopeless misery was outside his experience. He chose each word with care, only now appreciating his own power - more than he had ever wanted. 

'I came back to you because there is nowhere else I would rather be. You were right, we belong together.'

Immobility a thing of the past, Zax was shaken by tremors, as if by the ague. His teeth chattering, he gave no indication that he had heard Galen, let alone that he understood what had been said.

Galen shrugged out of his jacket and tucked it around Zax's shoulders, then appreciated that the pulses which racked Zax owed little to the cold. He cradled the tense face between his hands, offering his presence as an anchor on which Zax could steady himself.

'Can you hear me?' Wiser now, Galen phrased it as a question. 

The muscles of Zax's face tightened, braced to receive whatever he might say next. 'Yes.' Quiescent, he waited.

'Oh, you're tired, aren't you, so very tired. I didn't realise just how exhausted. Try and concentrate for a moment more, then you can sleep,' said Galen, his voice as warm as velvet against naked flesh. 'You know I won't lie to you?'

Because it was a question and because it seemed to matter, Zax nodded.

This passivity more than he could bear, Galen's grip tightened over Zax's shoulders. 'Snap out of this! Yell, bring the walls down about our ears, but for fuck's sake do _something_. Stop retreating! Yes, you,' he said more moderately, when Zax blinked and focussed on him. 'That's better. Yesterday I was angry and hurt so I attacked with all the weapons you gave me. I didn't mean what I said. You are yourself and I would have it no other way. The fault isn't yours for being what you are but mine for trying to deny it. We come from different worlds. I can't promise I'll be able to accept everything overnight. I've barely got used to the idea that there's such a thing as _magic_ , let alone that you're a magician. But at least I understand why I was so reluctant to admit the truth. As you grew in strength and independence I was afraid you would have no further need of me - that your power would make us strangers again.'

'And doesn't it?' Every doubt plain, Zax stared at him.

'I don't know,' said Galen honestly, gripping Zax's hand. 'If it does we'll just have to relearn one another because I'm not losing you now.' He was conscious of a residual resentment that the rosy future he had been anticipating with such confidence was refusing to materialise. 'I need you in my life. Do you understand that much?'

Galen's vitality a vehement, undeniable force, Zax continued to stare at him, on a plane of exhaustion where coherent thought was difficult and speech worse. One hand uncurling, he brushed Galen's cheek, letting his fingers rest against the stubble-roughened flesh.

'You're here of your own free will, let that be enough.' His voice fading, he sagged against the support Galen offered, relief bleeding away the remnants of his energy.

'Zax?' 

It was the sharp note of fear which made Zax respond, focussing on the blur he knew to be Galen's face. 'I'm fine. Did too much. Just rest.'

Galen gave him a crooked smile and set about making Zax as comfortable as was possible on the floor. 'Then sleep. I'll be here when you wake up,' he promised.

His reward was an unsteady sigh. Within a couple of minutes he was cuddling Zax's unconscious figure. 

Galen resigned himself to an uncomfortable night.

oOo

 

Zax gave a drowsy murmur when it became impossible to ignore myriad physical discomforts and opened his eyes to see Galen's arm tucked loosely around his midriff. The fire was no more than a stirring of cold ash and they were sleeping on the floor. His memory of the previous day was confused but he could recall enough to hope the highlights did not return to him. He slid from Galen's embrace, almost fell over and had to remain sitting until the giddiness passed.

Galen opened his eyes in time to see Zax achieve the vertical, stagger and grab hold of the mantlepiece.

'Going somewhere?' Despite his anxiety, Galen's smile was seductively sweet, offering the reassurance Zax had not known he needed.

'To take a leak.' By deigning to make use of the support of the wall Zax made it to the door.

When he reappeared some time later he was water-slick and shaved, if not noticeably rejuvenated.

Galen abandoned his attempt to revive the fire and gave the mugs a look of hope. 'Coffee?' After his first sip he answered his own question with a disgruntled spluttering. 

'It's not that bad,' said Zax mildly.

'I suppose there's no chance you could produce real coffee? No, I thought it would be too good to be true.'

Zax gave all his attention to following the movement of his finger as it traced the ellipse of his mug. 'I can offer you light and heat, if you want them. The rest is appropriate only for the stage.' He plucked a cigarette from the air, exhaling smoke with a slow luxury. It was only when he saw Galen's wide-eyed expression that he realised what he must have done and stubbed out the cigarette.

'Why did you do that?'

'Habit,' said Zax defensively. 'I'll soon get used to - '

'I meant why did you stub it out before you'd finished it? Though I can guess.' Galen was forced to recognise that far stronger currents existed beneath the superficial calm. His long-standing, much-publicised mistrust of anything out of the ordinary was not something Zax would be able to forget in a hurry. There were no easy reassurances he could give, only time and consistency.

'I obviously didn't make things clear yesterday,' Galen continued. 'Probably because I was too relieved at having found you. You are you, whether the water flows hot or cold. Your power is as much a part of you as that chipped tooth. It makes no difference to me whether you take a cigarette from the air or trade for them as others have to. Be yourself. You are listening to me, I hope?'

'Of course, but...' When Zax raised his bowed head there was nothing abject in his expression. 'It's all very well for you to tell me to be myself but I can't help wondering how you'll react when you realise I can't do anything else. You saw what I did just now. While the source to my power is open to me I'll use it without conscious thought because it's as natural to me as breathing.'

'Why shouldn't you?' said Galen, without thinking. He had the grace to look embarrassed. 'Do I have to say this again? I didn't mean what I said about your magic.'

'Didn't you? It would be easier for you if I didn't have it. Me too, come to that. It isn't easy to live with.' Zax sounded so careworn that Galen gave an involuntary grin.

'Well, I'm glad you find it amusing,' snapped Zax.

Galen's smile broadened. 'You've got an ego the size of a mountain. It's probably why we get on so well, I've never been backward about coming forward myself. I know I over-reacted. Try looking at it from my angle. There isn't much of a demand for magic in a Centre. At least next time you offer a demonstration it won't come as such a shock. Or will it?' He was suddenly less than sanguine about some of the unexplored possibilities of life with a magician.

'What d'you think I'm going to do to you, haul you on stage and saw you in half?'

'I wouldn't put it past you to try,' said Galen darkly, before he gave a reluctant grin.

'No, I can promise you that much. You're too big to fit in the cabinet. Anyway, Eddy told me that Ina pinched all the larger props, so you're safe for now.' Zax gave a cavernous yawn, the illusion of vitality fading already. 

Galen tucked an arm around him. 'I know you're tired but we'll be sitting targets if - when - the Regulators turn up. It's going to be a while before you're up to much.'

'I'll be fine tomorrow. I'll have to be. Bob and the others will only wait where I left them for three days. If we're going to China we need to get there by tomorrow. If you want to go with me that is,' Zax added, muddled but wanting to take nothing for granted.

'To the end of the earth and back,' said Galen, serious beneath the flippancy.

Zax studied him for a moment, the muscles of his face visibly beginning to relax. 'Tomorrow then.' 

'Tomorrow,' agreed Galen, with every appearance of confidence. 'Where did you leave them?'

'In China.'

Galen made allowances for exhaustion and with some regret abandoned the first reply which sprang to mind. 'I'd managed to grasp that much. Whereabouts in China, it's a big place?' He knew a second of sheer panic when the question elicited a blank look.

'You do know where to find them?' he asked, with delicate self-control.

'Of course I do,' said Zax, roused to indignation. 'D'you think I'd leave them stranded in the middle of nowhere? I just don't know the name of the place, if it has one.'

'You're not going to give me a clue?'

'What about?'

Galen made a sound of frustration.

'What's wrong?' Earnest and half-asleep, Zax gave him an anxious glance.

Galen gave him a brief, desperate hug, finding his dopey companion ridiculously appealing, while knowing he was in danger of flattening Zax for the same reason. 'I'm fine. Just humour me and describe the place you took them to, will you?'

'You'll know it,' Zax assured him. 'They're on a plateau halfway up a hillside, between a stand of trees and a stream. There's a river running through the bottom of the valley and in the distance are thin mountains which go right down to the water's edge. They're covered in so many trees that they look as if they're covered in green velvet.'

The hair on the back of Galen's neck began to prickle. 'And if you turn away and look in the opposite direction beyond the stream, can you see a single-storey house?'

'That's the place. I told you you'd know it. But you never said how beautiful it is.'

'Never mind beauty. You took them to a spot within a mile of an entrance to the Complex. How did you know where to - ?'

'From the way you described your home.'

The simplicity of the explanation left Galen temporarily deprived of speech. 'I can see I'm going to have to be careful what I describe to you. It's the perfect place. They'll be safe there.'

'You'll have to learn to trust me,' said Zax flippantly, before he stopped, his eyes stricken as the truth of that hammered home.

'I know,' said Galen, gentle now. 'And I do, I swear it. So you'll take us to them tomorrow?'

'If that's what you want.' Zax did not look up, as if afraid of what he might see.

'It's what I want.' Consistency, that was the key, Galen reminded himself. While he knew now was not the time to investigate the complexity of what Zax had achieved, he could not resist one final question. 'How will you know when you'll have the strength for the trip?'

'I...' Zax shrugged and fell silent as he rediscovered the difficulty of explaining an instinctive skill. 

'I only wondered,' Galen reassured him.

The crease down one cheek deepening, Zax grinned. 'That wasn't hurt reticence on my part but inadequacy. I can't explain it, even to myself. I just...know. You're a fine one to snort at me. Who knew when the water would be bad, even before you tested it?'

'That was instinct. Mine's far from infallible, but I'd like to get us away from the house. The Regulators are bound to be looking for the source of yesterday's lightshow. Without weapons this place will be virtually impossible to defend.'

'Then we'll leave.' Zax had learnt to trust Galen's instinct above the evidence of his own eyes. But when he abandoned the prop of the windowsill he was forced to catch hold of Galen's arm for support. 'When we do, slowly would be best,' he conceded, waiting for his head to stop spinning.

'You're sure this is nothing more than exhaustion?' checked Galen anxiously.

'Positive.'

Galen was less than convinced as he waited for his parchment-coloured love to collapse, but he refrained from further comment. Virtue was its own reward.

'If you keep looking at me like that I'll make you carry me. Where are we going to hide out?' asked Zax.

'As you're not up to a long hike, I thought we could shelter in that cave Taruna and I found farther up the hillside. It should be safe enough because tracking over rock is difficult, even for experts. Fortunately for us, the Regulators are far from being that.' Distracted by the heavy-eyed sensuality of the man at his side, Galen resisted the temptation to part Zax-warmed clothing. He sought the first distraction which came to mind. 'Have you got everything packed?'

The abrupt conversational switch leaving him behind, Zax blinked. 'Packed?'

'I should have guessed. I'll do it for you, this once. You'll need to put on warmer clothes. Despite the thaw it's still cold out and the cave will be chilly.'

On his return, Galen's brisk determination fell away when he found Zax asleep, despite the discomfort of his precarious perch. No matter what his instinct for danger told him, they would not leave until he could find the resolve to disturb Zax. He packed Zax's belongings, shaved and pulled on his warmest clothes. As he removed the more obvious signs of recent occupation, he rescued various treasures the others had left behind in their hurried leave-taking. With that done he could think of no other excuse to delay the moment, steeling himself to wake Zax. As he had feared, the task was not easy.

With a mumbled protest Zax eventually stirred and blinked up at Galen, as indignant as a dormouse roused from hibernation.

'We have to leave,' Galen said gently. 'I'm sorry, I know you're exhausted.'

'I can sleep later.' After a lengthy stretch, Zax drank some water, pulled on the warm clothing Galen handed him and slid into his backpack, before picking up several bags. 'Hang on, where's your backpack?'

'I left it in the wood. Where are you off to?' Galen added, when Zax got to the back door and set off in the wrong direction.

'To get it.'

'Why?' Galen began to wonder if he had missed an earlier part of the conversation.

'Because in it there's that black suit we found in the attic. Watching you walk away in that was like watching...' Zax gave a reminiscent sigh of obvious pleasure.

While aiming for a nonchalant acceptance of his charms, Galen slipped on a flagstone and would have measured his length if it had not been for the arm Zax shot out to save him.

'Clumsy.'

'I slipped,' insisted Galen with dignity.

'Of course you did. Stop arguing and let's get on, it's cold.'

'This is stupid. You need all the rest you can get, not a hike through the woods. I'll get it.'

'I'm coming with you.'

'What's the point? The sooner you get enough sleep to start thinking coherently the better. I might have walked out on you once, it is not something I plan to repeat.'

'I'm not that paranoid. Well, perhaps I am at the moment,' conceded Zax, disarmed by Galen's expression of amused understanding. 'Go on then.'

Beset by a superstitious fear, Galen hesitated. 'You will be - ?'

' - less paranoid by the time you return. Don't fall over your own feet again.' Zax settled himself on the bags, with his back against a tree truck, using folds of his cloak to blanket himself against the cold. The severe black provided a stark frame to the sensuality of his face. 'This is no time to start salivating.' He gave a fleeting satyr's smile. 'Don't forget to collect me on your way back.'

'It's lucky you reminded me.' 

This time Galen was smiling as he walked away.

 

 

It took Galen longer than he had anticipated to find his abandoned backpack. The abrupt thaw had removed most of the clues as to which path he had taken. Tempted to return empty-handed, he remembered Zax's expression and kept on searching.

After a couple of false starts he found the pack and slung the damp strap over one shoulder before jogging back the way he had come. Moments later he became conscious of a faint, irregular thrum of sound and left the path just before the dark underbelly of an air car skimmed the tree tops, obviously searching for a landing site.

He shrugged out of his backpack, then retrieved the knife from his boot, the haft settling into his palm as if made for it. The knowledge that he could not hope to match the speed of the air car did nothing to slow his desperate race back to Zax, Galen rediscovering caution only when thinning vegetation betrayed the end of the wooded area. Silent as smoke, he slipped from tree to concealing tree. He was under no illusions, Zax would have been asleep when the Regulators found him, which might have saved him from immediate execution.

Yards from the edge of the wood he saw the track of gouged turf leading to the air car. The front casing had been removed, exposing the engine, and two Regulators stood over it, arguing. Their overheard obscenities told Galen nothing he could not see and smell for himself, the engine had overheated.

There was no sign of Zax, yet Galen was positive this was where he had left him. He formed and rejected lines of attack, wondering how many of the aircrew were still be on board - four was the usual number. He cursed the fact that his only weapon was a knife. He could take them but it would require a caution and patience hard to find in his present frame of mind.

Where the hell was Zax?

He used his hunter's skill to approach the air car. The doorway remained empty, the Regulators oblivious to his presence. Galen moved a pace closer, then another, his first target selected.

At the last moment some sixth sense made him look to his right. Zax sat no more than nine feet from the nearest Regulator. Straight-backed and aloof, he was awake but patently undisturbed, his breathing deep and even.

Disbelief fought relief and won. Galen abandoned his subtle plan of attack, his grip on the haft of the knife changing.

It was then that he discovered he could not move. Clammy with sweat, his pulse thundering in his ears, he seemed to be welded to the tree trunk from which he had been about to launch his attack. Mute, he raged impotently at this new weapon the Regulators had acquired. To be trapped like a fly in amber. And not just himself, but Zax. The Regulators had finally found the man they had been hunting for so long. 

Only when he met Zax's gaze did he understand. He was swamped by a fury so immense that it assumed an almost physical existence, one in which he was free. His previous prey forgotten, Galen's rage scorched across the clearing. But that could not blinker him to the toll this was taking of Zax's strength. On this occasion he exulted in the knowledge. Zax was too weak to be able to hold him like this for long, then he would make his move.

A Regulator appeared in Galen's line of vision, pausing to watch his companion, who was working on the engine, his grievance only half-voiced.

'...my fault the machines are obsolete? Be grateful we found a clearing.'

'Nothin' but soddin' trees. I'd burn 'em all. Why we had to come out all this way. Looking for what? Blue lights! Pah!' The second Regulator hawked and spat, missing Zax by inches.

'Orders is orders.' A third Regulator emerged from the air car. 

The young malcontent voiced his opinion of the orders, their captain and life in general.

Galen had stopped listening by then, the truth assuming the slow inevitability of a nightmare. He could take a lot of things, but not being invisible. It should have occurred to him before now, it was the only possible reason for Zax to have escaped notice.

Desperate for a reality he could trust, Galen concentrated on the external sensations provided by his senses - the abrasive bark at his back, the useless security of the knife in his hand, while the stink of unwashed Regulator was thick in his nostrils. His glare bounced off the youngest Regulator, who was blocking Zax from his view. Young? He was an ill-formed boy with down on his upper lip. But from the way his pebble-coloured eyes darted about the clearing he was bright enough to sense some threat. 

As well he might, thought Galen, pitilessly determined on his death. Youth had never saved a Name. Why should this boy be spared? Zax would not be able to maintain this illusion for much longer, the boy would be his then. Galen exerted the full force of his will, his only thought to defeat the force which held him in thrall. He could move, would move, could move, would move.

The soft sound Zax made was all but submerged by the screech of metal when the front casing of the air car was slammed into place. 

Galen became aware that he was winning. In this contest of wills victory had become the only thing that mattered, the presence of the Regulators all but irrelevant. That changed the moment he saw the oldest Regulator stare for heart-rending seconds directly at Zax. Blinking, the man rubbed his eyes, then lowered his stun gun.

'You know what they say about the woods. I could've sworn I just saw...something by that tree. Did you see anything?'

The pilot called a negative.

'You're always seein' things, old man,' said the youngster sullenly.

There was a blur of movement and yelp of pain.

'Keep your mouth shut and mind your manners! I've had a bellyful of your lip. Just you remember, I was patrolling worse places than this when you were in a sperm bank. I tell you I saw - '

'All kinds of strange beasts live on the Exterior,' said the pilot, intent of maintaining the peace for long enough to get back to Base.

'Maybe,' conceded the older man. With a final glare around the clearing he climbed into the air car.

Galen was horrified at how close he had bought Zax to capture. He could see the strain he had imposed; exhaustion engraved on the bones of his face, Zax looked on the verge of collapse. In a belated attempt to ease his burden, Galen made a conscious effort to relax. While resigned to his subjugation, his brooding gaze reverted to the youngest Regulator. Locked in a sullen silence, the boy's eyes darted nervously around the clearing. His uniform hung from his narrow shoulders and his heavy boots looked as if they pinched his toes.

Dead man's shoes. It would be simplicity itself to dispatch this sorry trio. Jumpy and inexperienced, they would make easy prey. Zax was a fool.

The Regulator wheeled around, his instinct for survival alive to the threat in Galen's eyes, even if he could not see it. 

Slightly cheered, Galen smiled.

There was a throaty roar and belching fumes, before the engines settled down to a rich thrum. The pilot gave a triumphant shout. 'Come on, or we'll be late for roll call - and you know what that means. What are you doing?'

'What's it look like?' the youngster called, determined to demonstrate his independence now he had the promise of being able to return to barracks.

Galen remained in blissful ignorance of his fate almost to the last moment. As the Regulator paused directly in front of him, Galen travelled through incomprehension to disbelief, then outrage. Even Zax could not expect him to stand eyeball to eyeball with a spotty adolescent while he waited for the kid to piss on him.

When it became clear that salvation was not going to materialise, Galen scrunched shut his eyes, his teeth grinding quite audibly.

The unexpected sound so close at hand disconcerted the Regulator, prolonging the inevitable until finally he was done, rezipped and returned to the air car. The doors closed, the engine sound deepening until, after some ungainly manoeuvring, the air car took off.

They had survived.

Galen's expression of outraged disbelief was too much for Zax's shattered nerves, laughter crowding up through belly and chest, with a fine edge of hysteria to it.

It took Galen a few moments to appreciate he was free to move and a while longer before he trusted himself to take advantage of the fact, so acute was his sense of outrage. While it could have been worse, the legs of his jumpsuit clung wetly to him and his boots were well-splashed.

And Zax thought it was funny.

It took seconds to reach him. 

'Say something,' Galen invited, with a dangerous calm. 'Anything.'

Zax drew a whooping breath and struggled for coherence. 'Your expression,' he spluttered.

His frustration boiling over, Galen lashed out just as Zax lost consciousness, so that rather than its intended target, Galen's fist impacted with the tree trunk. Pain shooting up his arm, he glared down, tempted to leave Zax lying in the mud.

 

 

'You didn't mean a word about being better off without your magic!'

'I did when I said it,' offered Zax, his voice muffled due to his ignominious position slung over a broad shoulder. Returned to the vertical with a dizzying speed, he was caught in a punishing grip and pushed into a dark chamber which was uncomfortably reminiscent of the one which had been intended for his tomb back on the Island.

Galen was breathing hard from the effort of carrying him so far. 'So I'm supposed to spot the sincerity of the moment. I'm learning how little reliance to place on those fine pledges of yours. You'll do what you like, when you like and bugger what I might want. What did you think you were doing back there - or do you intend to make all my decisions for me?' 

'I will if the alternative's watching you get your head blown off. I don't know why you're being like this about it, all you got was a wet trouser leg.'

The forty minutes which had elapsed since the incident had done little to soften the memory.

'I could have taken them,' said Galen sulkily.

Zax gave an infuriated hiss. 'It won't have dawned on you that when they landed for repairs they would have called back to their Base? That if they didn't show up another patrol would have been sent to look for them? How many Regulators were you planning to gut with your little knife?'

'Since when have you been a lover of Regulators?'

'They're bred in barracks and reared for the job. D'you think they have a choice? What's your excuse? Why not admit it, you enjoy killing, Regulators if you can't get anything else. Turn you on, does it?' Zax saw the accusation slice into Galen, his breath catching when he realised what he had said. 

By then it was too late to retract it, Galen upon him. This time Zax could do nothing to evade the blow.


	15. Chapter 15

Zax's wakeful state was presaged by sleepy stirrings, one hand fumbling for covers pushed away moments before.

Relieved beyond measure, Galen marked the disgruntled wrinkling of a nose, successfully predicting the moment when Zax opened his eyes to blink up at him, rosy and rumpled with healing sleep.

The recipient of a drowsy, uncomplicated smile, Galen's response betrayed every hour of tension he had spent waiting for Zax to recover consciousness for more than a few seconds at a time.

''Lo.'

'Hello,' Galen replied, enchanted by the sunny approachability of his sleep-fuddled love. 

Zax hooked an arm around Galen's neck, drew him closer and kissed the corner of his mouth. 'Have you calmed down yet?'

'Just about.' But Galen did not return his smile. 'I'm sorry I hit you. I shouldn't have done that.'

'I know, although I can't deny it must have been tempting. I'm an evil-tongued sod when I'm tired. Even worse when I know I'm in the wrong.'

'I won't ever do it again,' Galen promised steadily, appalled by his loss of control.

Serious now, Zax searched his face, then nodded. 'I believe you. The circumstances were...unusual.' He gave a languid stretch, gratified both by the response of his body and the heavy-lidded gaze which followed his every movement. 'I know I shouldn't have stopped you from attacking the Regulators. I knew it at the time, but if it happened again I'd do exactly the same thing.'

'I know.' Galen framed the too-serious face with his hands.

'You do?'

This time Galen's smile was free from tension. 'I can think occasionally. I had a chance to practice while you were asleep. You were terrified I'd get myself killed.' 

The accepting wonder in Galen's voice implied a knowledge of himself greater than Zax had thought to hope for. His eyes too wide and too bright, he stared at Galen. 'I couldn't lose you, not again.'

'Now there I agree with you. If our positions had been reversed I would have done exactly what you did. Though you can't imagine how much it hurts to admit that.'

It took Galen a moment to identify Zax's expression as one of pride, in him.

'I think I can. Thank you.'

Galen looked puzzled. 'For what?'

'Being honest.'

'Yeah, well, no need to go on about it,' said Galen gruffly.

Zax slid a finger across his own mouth, signifying silence.

'No need to go that far,' said Galen. 'Kissing you is more fun when you open your mouth. If you've got the energy?

'Mmn,' he said, a few seconds later. 'Do you think if you concentrated we could - ?'

'Don't put your hand there!' yelped Zax.

As Galen froze, Zax propped himself up on his elbow, panicking about whether he would make it to his feet in time.

'It's all right,' he said, when he saw the anxiety on Galen's face. 'It's just that I'm desperate for a piss. You nearly had an unhappy surprise.' An unsteady vertical by this time, he glanced around the small cave. 'Er, what do I use as a - ?'

'There a dip in the rock over in the far corner. I've been using that. Luckily we won't be here for long enough for it to fill up.'

Zax's eyes drooped to a blissful close as he emptied his bladder. 'That's better,' he sighed, shaking himself dry.

'It should be,' said Galen with a trace of awe.

Zax stretched to his fullest extent, then bent double, his palms flat on the floor before he began to stretch and flex his body, for once unaware of the havoc he was causing. When he straightened, he yanked a blanket around himself before going to investigate the contents of their bags.

'Is there any food? I'm starving,' he said pathetically.

'Sorry, I remembered to pack everything but food. There's spring water in that bottle.'

'I was hoping for something a bit more substantial. Still, I suppose we remembered all the essentials.'

'Like what?' asked Galen tartly. He was hungry enough to sink his teeth into the first thing that walked past him. His expression lightened as he watched Zax's sure-footed prowl around the cave and the slipping blanket. Haunch for preference, he decided, all but salivating.

Unaware of his danger, Zax stopped in front of him. 'One thing's for certain, I don't love you for your brains. I was hinting that - '

'You've never said that before,' said Galen, his heart in his eyes.

'I must have called you _stupid_ before.' Zax looked puzzled before light dawned. 'Oh, you mean - ?'

'You said you loved me.'

Zax leant forward to kiss him with a loving attention to detail, revelling in every small point of contact they shared.

'I thought you must know. It just didn't occur to me to say it. There again, I've never felt like this before.' More moved than he cared to admit by the expression in Galen's eyes, Zax added: 'I can't imagine life without you. I've got used to you ordering me around and driving me nuts organising everything that can be organised. I like falling asleep with you almost as much as waking up with you. And when you touch me... it's like no one ever has before. I like the way you moan about inessentials just to cheer me up and that funny face you pull when something's cracking you up inside. The way you bristle when anyone pays you a compliment, and the fact you try to hide your tenderness away as if it's something to be ashamed of.'

Overset, Galen blinked furiously before he hid his face against Zax, holding tight to his anchor. That effortless recital of his charms had been such an unlikely list that it had to be true. When he eventually looked up, he wore a blindingly happy smile.

'I knew it,' moaned Zax. 'I forgot that other endearing trait of yours, modesty.' He kissed the top of Galen's head and pushed himself to his feet, losing the blanket in the process. 'Shit, but it's cold in here. Why are you snug in a jumpsuit while I'm stark naked?'

Galen looked blank.

'You had noticed that I'm naked?' Zax hugged him with the ignoble hope of being able to leech some of Galen's beautiful heat.

'While it's not that hard to get clothes off someone who's unconscious, you try getting them redressed without help. You were snug enough under the bedding. Anyone would think I enjoyed seeing you parade around naked.'

'There's no shame in being a voyeur,' Zax told him as he pulled on warm clothing. 'I'd like the chance to become one.' He directed a meaning look at Galen's jumpsuit.

'I'll think about it.'

'I won't hold my breath. By the time you get round to walking around naked you'll be of an age when I'm begging you to get dressed.'

Galen gave an unrepentant grin and held out Zax's now-filthy cloak. 'It will be cold outside.'

'Not in China it won't. Well, not so cold anyway.'

'You can take us there now?' Galen was not sure how to word the question.

'I could always wrestle you to the ground to prove it.'

'I wouldn't mind,' said Galen, side-tracked by the thought of all that grappling flesh. They never seemed to have enough time just to enjoy being alone together, free from responsibilities.

Zax pulled a face. 'We've got to pick up the others today and by the time you've finished with me I won't have the energy for the trip.'

'Oh, the others.' Galen, made an effort to concentrate. 'Do you have any idea how long its been?' He kicked irritably at a half-full backpack.

'It must be all of four days. Worried you'll have lost the knack?'

An involuntary grin banished Galen's scowl. 'Stop humouring me. When I want to sulk, I'll sulk.'

'Wake me up when you've finished.'

Galen was busy bundling clothing into their packs, inevitably discovering that what came out so quickly took far longer to replace. 

'I don't see your backpack,' Zax said.

'You wouldn't. It's still in the wood.'

'I'm going to miss that suit. Not that it matters because I'll be choosing what you wear from now on.'

'You reckon?'

'I'll negotiate with you.' Halfway into his cloak, Zax struck a pose, his body language and the sultry droop of his mouth promising innumerable, unspeakable sensual delights.

To Galen's disgust he was far from immune. 'I wish you wouldn't do that,' he said plaintively.

Zax looked as innocent as was possible with his face. 'Works, does it?'

'You're turning into a prick-tease.'

'What do you mean, _turning_?'

Galen's expression did not lighten. He had checked the cave for forgotten possessions, Zax was dressed and he could think of nothing else to delay the moment of departure. 'We're ready.'

'Then we'll go,' said Zax, loving Galen very much as he recognised the fear he could not disguise.

'What do I have to do?' asked Galen, collecting up the straps of all the bags in one hand.

Zax hugged him, nudging Galen's groin with his own. 'And I thought you were the inventive one,' he mocked gently.

As he intended, Galen kissed him. 

Begun as a brief embrace, it extended into a demonstration of velvety artistry. Peripherally aware of Zax's abstraction in the first few seconds of the kiss, Galen concentrated and was rewarded by a pleased murmur and Zax's whole-hearted co-operation.

His ravaged mouth freed for a moment, his slitted eyes blind to everything but the sex-drugged face opposite his own, Galen was submerged in a world of the senses, governed by the touch and the taste that was Zax and the silken shock of naked flesh when he finally succeeded in insinuating his free hand beneath the barely fastened trousers, his progress hampered by the folds of the cloak swirling around their locked figures. 

Silk whipped his cheek and Galen opened his eyes to the accompaniment of distant voices. Bob smiled at him from over Zax's shoulder.

Galen blinked.

Bob was still there, only his smile had broadened.

'Bloody hell,' breathed Galen. 'We're here!'

With a shrewd idea of what had been going on beneath the concealing folds of that cloak, Bob kept his gaze on Galen's face. 'It's good to see you.'

Galen's concentration was eroded by the mouth exploring every bared portion of his skin. He shivered when Zax sucked his left nipple. Beyond Bob he could see the rest of the troupe waving and laughing. Unwilling to relinquish his hold of Zax, he wondered vaguely why they did not come over, unaware of Bob's urgent hand signals which warned them to keep away.

The ability to think left Galen when Zax thrust against him, making an impatient sound deep in his throat as his hands feverishly burrowed under the billowing cloak.

Jolted into semi-coherence by the realisation that he had not even noticed their transfer, and perversely aggrieved to have missed the experience which had both tantalised and frightened him, Galen needed to establish what had happened. 'We're in China.'

'So I should hope. It's where I was aiming for. Do we have to talk about it now?' His voice splintering, Zax shivered and thrust helplessly against Galen, every sense locked to the ache in his balls.

Enchanted by this obsessive urgency, even while he knew it could not be wholly attributed to his charms, Galen tried to gentle the immediacy of Zax's need, knowing how little stimulation it would take to finish either of them.

'Slow down, we've got all the time we need. How did you get us here while we were kissing? I thought you needed to concentrate to manage a transfer?'

'I can concentrate on two things at once. This fucking zip's worse than a chastity belt.' Zax gave the fastener of Galen's jumpsuit an exasperated tug, parting a far from fragile seam.

'It doesn't say much for my technique, does it.' Galen gasped as a warm hand curved around his erect prick.

'It'll do me.' Wide-eyed and desperate, Zax struggled for control. 'Are you sure you want to have sex out here? Say now if not. I couldn't take it if you change your mind.'

Certain by now that this level of urgency owed more to the focussed will which had transferred them here than his own charms, it was beyond Galen to refuse him. 'I would want you, any place, any time,' he said, before his mouth found Zax's again, his own hands busy.

There was something intensely erotic about cool silk over heated flesh, streamers of air licking around their entwined bodies as the cloak billowed in the strong wind. Galen set about baring Zax fully, peeling unfastened trousers down to mid-thigh and brushing the blood-engorged slickness of his prick, cupping his balls and trying to touch him everywhere, all at the same time.

'You like that? And that?'

Zax gave a choked whimper, his hands cramping at Galen's waist as his knees began to buckle. 'Yess. Oh, yesss.'

Galen brushed his thumb over the seeping tip of the prick quivering against him. Flat-palmed and possessive, his other hand centred over Zax's buttocks, the pad of his finger teasing inwards. With no thought of who might be watching them, all his attention was concentrated on his blindly seeking hands and the muffled sounds Zax was making, this his love gift. With Zax it was easy to cast aside a lifetime's inhibitions, rejoicing in the pleasure it was within his power to bestow. 

His breathing stuttering, climax caught Zax with an exquisite suddenness and for a short time he was lost to it, reliant on Galen's strength to remain upright. 

'Fuck,' growled Galen, dismayed at his miscalculation of Zax's staying power. Teetering on the brink of climax, lost to the heady scent of Zax, this was not what he had intended. 'Wanted us together.' He fought the urge to thrust because they would probably both topple over.

His frenzy abated, hands gentle on Galen now, Zax sniffed and looked up, his head feeling too heavy for his neck, his tongue thick and clumsy, as if he was drunk with barely-abated desire.

'Bob?' His voice could easily reach the back of an auditorium so he had no need to raise it to reach the dancer, who had already begun his retreat. 'Clear off for a while, would you?'

'Consider us gone,' said Bob obligingly. His only surprise was that dismissal had not come sooner, and from Galen. As he made his way back to the others, Bob's smile broadened, knowing they needed no explanation.

'Bloody marvellous, innit,' said Eddy, grinning. 'He hasn't clapped eyes on us in days and this is all the welcome we get. You should have thought of that earlier!' he called back to the two men sinking onto the grass.

Taruna dragged him away, scolding and laughing in equal measure.

 

 

'Galen!' The distant bellow penetrated the private world they had created.

Zax moved his right leg, unlocking Galen, who slipped lax and regretful, from his lover's body. Having hoped to regain his lost breath, Zax's efforts were sabotaged by the weight pressing him into the damp ground. He lacked the energy to protest, his fingertips absently combing the sweat-soaked hair at the nape of Galen's neck.

'Galen!'

Zax knew Galen must have heard them, from his lack of concern they obviously posed no threat. 

When his name was shouted again, Galen stirred, took most of his weight on his elbows and rolled clear of Zax to land on dew-soaked grass.

'Galen! We know you're up there!'

'You would.' His irritable rumble faded when Zax smiled and cupped the back of his neck to reel him in for a lazy kiss.

The next time his name was called Galen gave something approaching a growl.

'That tickles,' said Zax. 'You're not sinking in to post-coital depression, are you?'

'What?' Galen's mouth felt clumsy and he could have slept for a year, curled around Zax. Preferably after a large meal. 'No. We're going to be interrupted.'

'You can't get rid of them?'

'No. We work - worked - together. Welcome to China,' added Galen with a wry look, this not the introduction to his home that he had envisaged. He forgot about getting up and gave Zax a lingering kiss. 'Are you all right?'

'Perfect. Thoroughly fucked,' Zax added with obvious satisfaction. 'Our first time. Appropriate, really.'

'Galen, at last! What are you...?' The query died a natural death.

Bent over Zax, Galen froze, then groaned with heartfelt despair.

Zax's eyes crinkled with amusement. 'Later you can explain how it is he recognised you from nothing more than your naked arse. Even if it is one of your best features.'

'You wouldn't believe me.' Galen achieved the vertical with a grimace. His fair skin was splotched and smeared with dew, dirt and semen.

'Bet you I will. I mean, look at the things I let you talk me into.'

'You being so complaisant, I suppose.' Galen ignored the two men running down the grassy slope towards them to twitch the cloak over Zax's abandoned nakedness. His expression negating any possible embarrassment he pulled on his jumpsuit, he was still fastening it when he turned to face the intruders.

'I might have guessed it would be you two. Couldn't whatever you wanted wait?'

Zax heard the poorly suppressed anger, rose to his feet and propped a proprietorial arm on Galen's shoulder. 'They couldn't know what they were interrupting.'

'I wouldn't bet on it,' said Galen. But relaxing under Zax's touch, he gave the two men an apologetic shrug.

'We did not know,' the older of the two men said. Despite himself, his gaze strayed to the blatant sensuality of Zax, the cloak draped over his shoulder providing a foil rather than concealment. 

'You must be Zax,' said the younger man, eagerness and awe mixed in his voice.

'You are most welcome.' The older man's smile faded under Zax's stare. 'It is fortunate we were sent to find you, rather than some of our colleagues.'

'Why, would they have disapproved even more than you? asked Zax, an edge to his voice. Instinct, more than the evidence of his own eyes, told him that they must be Numbers, despite their lack of physical perfection. He failed to subdue his bristling distrust.

The older man hastily said, 'No, it is likely that in my excitement I have been clumsy in expressing myself. This is an impossible language, Galen.'

'You've stopped wearing the implants?' Galen's delighted grin told Zax a lot about his relationship with the two men.

'You may crow. We took your advice. It was difficult at first, despite our knowledge of the common tongue...'

'That's you and me,' said Galen in an aside to Zax, mistaking the cause of his frown.

'...becoming easier with practice. The Names find it easier to trust us, if only because of the mistakes we make.'

'How simplistic of them,' said Zax, mistaking the clumsy joke for condescension.

Galen sighed. 'Zax, allow me to introduce you to these two revolutionaries, M1397 and M9111.'

Zax nodded without enthusiasm.

'The news that a magician was expected is widespread. Everyone is eager to meet you,' said M9111.

'As they would be to meet any exotic pet?'

M9111 politely skated over the obscure comment, drawn, although he was too inexperienced to recognise it, by the waves of sated sensuality Zax was exuding. 'I am honoured to meet with you.'

'What's so urgent?' asked Galen.

'We were delivering supplies to your friends when we received an emergency call. Bob told us you had just arrived. The Controller wants you to supervise the running of Division 13 until relief teams can be drafted in to help with the influx of refugees.

'He will be gone for some time,' M1397 added to Zax. 'M9111 will escort you to a place of safety where you can wait for Galen.'

Out of the way, translated Zax, who was quietly furious.

'What's wrong with my house?' asked Galen, resigned to the fact that his jumpsuit gaped open to the navel.

'I was about to suggest it,' said M1397. 'Your friends have been staying there since their arrival.

'Your house is now self-sufficient in water and light now the solar panels have been installed but the heating system still does not work. I was hoping to help with that,' said M9111 eagerly.

'Are those arrangements all right with you?' Galen asked Zax briskly.

'Why not?' He could sense Galen drifting away from him as old ties re-established themselves, leaving little room for him. But then he and Galen had little but months of hardship in common. It was a poor basis from which to build. It was difficult to reconcile Galen's camaraderie with these Numbers with the man who had seemed shrouded in loneliness when he spoke of his home. Even more disconcerting, while authority sat lightly on him, Zax had seen enough to recognise that Galen was accustomed to command, taking responsibility for granted. And he had assumed Galen would be content to remain at his side...

'I should leave,' said Galen with a grimace.

'Yes.' Zax held him lightly by the flanks. 'Be careful.'

'I'll be in no danger.'

M9111 tugged impatiently at his sleeve. 'M1937 has received another call. The retaining wall in E11 has collapsed. While there have been no serious casualties, there is widespread flooding and much panic.'

'A flood?' Galen released Zax. 'How could - ? Zax, my house is a quarter of mile away, through that maple grove. You'll have no trouble finding it. M9111 will be of more use to me. I'll see you later.' Without waiting for any acknowledgement, he set off at run.

Zax watched them vanish over the rise of the hill, knowing he was a forgotten irrelevance. In a moment of chill clarity it occurred to him that China made a formidable rival for Galen's attention.

When next he looked up, it was to see Bob and the others running down the slope to meet him. His expression schooled, Zax wrapped the damp cloak more securely around his chilled body and found a smile with which to greet them.

The troupe fussed over him but they were trying too hard. Zax wondered if they felt as dislocated as he did, and then whether they blamed him for the fact.

Eddy watched Zax ask all the right questions and listen to the answers with a surprising degree of patience. 'Never you mind questioning him,' he told Bob. 'Let the man get some sleep. We've got all the time in the world to play catch-up.'

Zax was shown a vast room, devoid of furniture except for the luxury of a mattress, with plenty of warm bedding. Like all the other rooms in the cavernous house, it smelled strongly of wood.

The mattress seemed cold as charity with only himself to warm it. Despite his fatigue, Zax became depressingly familiar with the configuration of the ceiling within the first hour.


	16. 16

Zax spent his second day in China familiarising himself with the house. He found nothing to indicate that Galen had lived here, the place empty of everything but the most basic offices in the kitchen and bathrooms. The house was constructed of new timber in a singularly unimaginative style of perfect symmetry and their footsteps and voices echoed. That the place had ever been a home seemed unlikely, that it could become a home for them less likely still.

He already hated the wilderness of his empty bed.

Uneasy in a house that did not belong to them and whose owner was away, everyone found it hard to settle down in the days which followed. The constant rain made venturing outside a soggy experience and time hung heavily on their hands, tempers quick to fray under the strain of having nothing to do but speculate on their future. Accustomed to depending on themselves, they found it difficult to adjust to the fact that their basic needs were catered for by others. The only people they met were Numbers and while they were courteous and welcoming, their manner was distant, containing a hint of condescension, as if they pitied those who had no useful function in life.

Eager to carve their niche in this foreign land, the troupe approached Zax with their ideas for a new show. He ignored their suggestions, his rebuffs becoming sharper when they persisted. 

'What I want to know,' said Bob, 'is why this _Controller_ they go on about hasn't made any attempt to see Zax yet.'

Cross-legged and straight-backed where he sat on the floor, Zax out-stared him with ease. 'Why not ask Galen?'

Denied a promising argument with the only person he had not annoyed that day, Bob resumed his restless pacing until Anike threw her shoe at him.

Galen arrived a short time later and stared around the room in disbelief. 'Anyone would think someone had died. I thought you were going to make the place more comfortable?'

Seven angry voices spoke at once. Zax, his eyes blazing, remained silent. Unusually, it was Eddy's voice which cut through the babble of sound by sheer persistence.

'You obviously haven't given this any thought. We're strangers in a strange land, living on hand-outs brought to us by Numbers. _Numbers_! We need something to do to make us feel a part of things.'

'But you are,' said Galen helplessly, dazed by the vehemence of his reception. 'As soon as - '

'It's like we're so much dead-weight dumped on you, waiting for you to come home and direct our lives,' continued Eddy, steam-rollering Galen's protests.

'You're welcome to everything I have.'

'We know that,' dismissed Eddy without gratitude. 'It isn't you, it's us! Maybe we'll feel better when we get our act together.' His gaze slid to Zax, who had spent the day staring into the middle distance, his expression discouraging interruption. He was doing it now.

'I'll arrange things as soon as I can.' Galen pushed himself from the support of the door to sit in the space made for him. 'This hasn't been much of an introduction to China, I know. I didn't intend it to be like this but I've been so busy since we got home that - '

Monica made a soft choked sound and Galen tilted up her face. 'What is it, sweetheart?'

His tenderness the last straw, her face crumpled. She made a vague, all-embracing gesture and burst into tears. Galen gathered her into a secure, passionless embrace, murmuring endearments.

The ragged explanation spilled out of her piecemeal. '...haven't got a home... No one here wants us... Left for good.'

Galen looked up in astonishment. 'You thought I'd abandoned you?' 

His mouth brushing her hair, he looked around the group, reading the truth in their abashed, yet angry, faces. Behind them, aloof and wary, sat Zax. Even the one person who should have known the truth was waiting for reassurance. Galen took a steadying breath, knowing that now was not the time for recriminations. 

'I didn't want to go in the first place. I shouldn't be here now. I just needed to be certain you were safe.'

'What's been keeping you so busy?' demanded Rhian, far from mollified.

'One of the refugee camps flooded. Apart from the rescue and repair work, we've been trying to find places for the survivors. And those who keep arriving.'

'There's plenty of land on the Exterior, houses that could be repaired down in the valley. Or new ones built. The soil's wonderful, you should be growing your own food. I could grow it for you, if I had seed and tools,' said Anike, who had already made detailed plans for the land around Galen's house.

Galen slid his free arm around her and hugged her to him. 'I'll get you some,' he promised rashly.

She gave him an approving pat. 

'The Exterior is still so empty because by the time the refugees reach China they're in no condition to live rough any more. There aren't enough houses, enough land prepared for agriculture, sewage, water, solar panels. Everything. As fast as we train people, more refugees arrive. They feel more secure living underground. Life here, even underground, is far better than anything I saw on the Island. Fear of the unknown is our main enemy. We have a job to persuade them to move into the camps and have their immunisation shots. But I should be able to get you seed and tools. Perhaps we could make any furniture we need. And trade for things underground.'

'Why haven't they asked us to help with the refugees?' demanded Bob aggressively.

Frankly cuddling Monica while hoping he would not fall asleep mid-sentence, Galen pulled an apologetic face. 'I turned down the offer on your behalf because I didn't want the distraction of worrying about you while I was working. Conditions are appalling in some of the camps. I won't see you put at risk.'

'How bloody magisterial. How about giving us a say in the matter,' snapped Sade.

'I'm turning coward,' said Galen tiredly.

Bob's hands settled over his shoulders. 'Let the man be, he's doing his best. When was the last time you got some sleep?'

Galen shrugged that aside. 'I shouldn't be gone for much longer. Experienced teams have started to arrive and the more newcomers they persuade to go with them the easier my job gets.' Hurtfully aware of Zax's silence, his attention strayed until recalled by a high-pitched beeping sound.

'That's you,' accused Monica, prodding Galen's chest.

'No, it's this,' he said, as he fumbled in a pocket for the device. 'Galen here.'

''Bout time. The filtration system at B14-A's packed up again,' a disembodied voice said, sounding harassed.

'Oh, great. Where's Padraig, he's the engineer?'

'That's 'im you can hear swearin'. We've got a makeshift belt on but I dunno how long it'll last,' the voice added lugubriously.

'You're just not thinking positively,' Galen chided.

'Up yours. The Controller said to call you.'

'But you didn't see why. Nor do I,' soothed Galen. 'Still, someone should be around to see to crowd control once they notice what's happening to the air quality.'

'B13 and 15 are takin' some of the load. We could use some help, I suppose.'

'I'm on my way. Out.'

'Can see he's a popular commander,' said Eddy. 'She giving you much hassle?'

'And then some. I must go. I _will_ be back, I just don't know when at the moment.' Galen paused at the door, unable to bear it any longer. 'Zax, will you see me out?' Braced for rejection, he turned around to find Zax standing behind him.

'Of course I will. Anything you want. It's all right.' Zax nudged him into the hall and closed the door behind them. 'Hello,' he said, tucking his arms around Galen. 'I'm sorry about before. I'm a self-centred bastard and you're almost out on your feet. How much time have we got before you have to leave?'

'None. I'll - '

Galen's promise was stopped by Zax's mouth, the kiss wholly reassuring, ended, as it had begun, by Zax.

'Now you must go. Don't worry, I understand. Where do you have to get to?'

'You can't take me there, it would blow your cover in seconds.'

'Why not? It's all I can do to help. Let me do this much for you.'

For all the lack of bitterness in Zax's voice, Galen finally realised what the days of waiting had been like for everyone, and what the troupe had been trying to tell him. His protests lacked the force they might otherwise have held.

'What if you catch something?'

'Just tell me where to take you - some empty spot where I won't meet anyone. No one here will know I've gone and no one there will know I've been.'

With that simple promise Galen knew what he was being given, so he told Zax what he needed to know and wrapped his arms around him, trying to inhale enough of his scent to sustain him through the separation to come.

The transfer was achieved so simply that Galen found himself alone in a hot, arid corridor before he could blink, left with the memory of Zax's sustaining smile.

 

 

Zax returned to the house and marshalled the troupe. 'Right, enough of sitting on our bums feeling sorry for ourselves. We can't go underground but that's no reason for a drop of rain to stop us exploring the Exterior. Our first priority should be to make this place a home. We need virtually everything.'

'Which we don't know how to get because we can't go into the Maze yet,' Rhian reminded him.

'I hadn't forgotten. There was plenty of comfortable furniture back at the house on the Island. Not to mention bedding, shutters, clothes, fabric, books... Tools for all kinds of things. Those machines. Far more than we could ever carry with us.'

'We still can't,' Bob reminded him.

'I could transfer it, little by little,' Zax pointed out.

'Galen will - '

'What Galen doesn't know won't upset him.'

'Take one of us with you,' said Eddy.

'It's a waste of energy that could be used to transfer what we need. I won't take stupid risks. Don't you believe me?' Zax added to Anike.

'I can't help remembering that your idea of a risk isn't always the same as ours. We can get by without that stuff.'

'But we don't have to. Didn't you tell me there were gardening tools and seed there?' Zax said, which effectively ended that discussion.

Day by day the house began to fill with items rescued from the Island, the period of rest Zax required between each trip lessening each time.

oOo

Galen stepped into the room and froze.'What the hell are you _doing_?' The last word was a half-octave higher than the first. The knife blade vibrating in the wood of the door jamb told of his narrow escape.

Zax stood in a shower of falling knives, his co-ordination lost. 'You witless - ' His mouth compressed, he fell silent, shaken by the massive expenditure of energy he had used to ensure Galen was not knifed in the stomach.

Busy eyeing the chaos of what had been a vast, bare room the last time he had seen it, Galen was oblivious to Zax's relief-induced fury. 'I see you've been making yourself comfortable. The place looks as if it's been hit by an earthquake.' In his preoccupation with seeing Zax again it did not occur to him to wonder how Zax had acquired everything.

'Try knocking before you barge in.' His fingers still unsteady, Zax scooped up his fallen knives.

'Sorry.' Galen's sense of repentance was mild at best, having assumed the knife was no more than a prop.

Not trusting himself to point out otherwise, Zax subjected the blades of his other knives to a minute scrutiny rather than dwell on that near-brush with disaster. This was not how he had envisaged their reunion. Galen looked tired and disapproving beneath several weeks growth of beard; it changed him, making him a stranger.

Unless their time apart had done that.

Zax flicked an uncertain glance at Galen's absorbed profile, feeling as gauche as a boy. Galen looked wonderful, he admitted helplessly. He folded his arms, changed his mind and tucked his hands in his pockets before pacing around the room.

The brusque lack of welcome rocking his certainty, Galen tried to shrug aside his disappointment. 'It's been a while,' he said brightly, as if he did not know to the day how long they had been apart.

His smile went unreturned, Zax's chilly stare seeming to strip him to the bone.

Galen sought the first distraction to hand and gave the knife embedded in the door jamb a gentle tug. It required more strength than he had anticipated to free it, leaving a deep wound in the wood. His fingers curved around the haft of the knife, light and well-balanced, it was a superbly crafted weapon rather than the artfully constructed prop he had assumed.

'This handles beautifully,' he said, careful not to stare at the betraying cuts and scabs marring Zax's hands.

Reminded that knives were Galen's weapon of choice, Zax said: 'It's yours, if you want it.'

'No, but thank you. It's just...I hadn't realised this was a real knife.'

'You think I should use something blunter?' All prickles, Zax did his best to disguise his uncertainty by going on the attack.

Galen had the sense not to reply to that. To cover how unwelcome he felt he flicked through a book on top of the teetering pile closest to him.

Deep in thought, Zax automatically steered a path through the clutter. It was obvious Galen believed he was an amateur showing off beyond his level of ability. While that stung, it would be even more humiliating to explain. As if Galen's lack of interest in seeing him again wasn't humiliation enough.

Bad enough that he knew so little about Galen's life here - the work he did, his friends, lovers, what he had been doing, and with whom.

Zax squinted against the headache which had been nagging all day and exhaled slowly. He was in danger of sounding like Ina. He had never understood jealousy, people were not possessions to be owned. But... Fuck, he thought tiredly, wrapping his arms around himself again.

He had glimpsed enough to suspect Galen's organisational capabilities were second to none. He did not want Galen to abandon the work of helping others, but he had expected some indication that he had been missed. Instead, the fool was fixated on those bloody knives. Of course, he had almost gutted Galen, but it was too late to apologise for that. Possibly tactless, too, unless he was the only one who had been shaken by that near miss.

He glanced up but Galen was studying a diagram in a book, oblivious to him. Desperate for the reassurance which pride would not let him ask for, Zax snatched a cigarette from the air. One hip canted, an arm folded across his torso, he inhaled sharply.

Galen was lost when he saw the sculptured lips close around a cigarette rather than his prick, Zax's cheeks hollowing as he sucked, his expression absorbed, as it was when he approached orgasm.

Then he coughed and fantasy fled. He flicked away the cigarette and renewed his restless pacing; effortlessly graceful, he was impossible to ignore. Helpless with a longing, in which lust played only a part, Galen could not look away; Zax looked thin for a man who could now eat regularly, and underslept - and so very fuckable. Galen wanted his taste, his scent, his touch and the mouth which had haunted his dreams. More than that, he wanted to see Zax smile at him in the way that lit his entire face, as if he was the one person who made Zax's world complete.

Instead of which...

It occurred to Galen that his unannounced return had been less of a welcome surprise and more of an irritating distraction. Unable to think of anything to say, he noticed the five knives lying on the table. ‘What were you doing with these?’

Zax jumped at the sound of his voice, then scowled to cover the fact. ‘Juggling, of course.’

‘Why?’ asked Galen blankly.

‘To sharpen my reflexes. Even the simplest sleight of hand requires dexterity if it's to appear effortless.’ Feeling naked under Galen's unwavering stare, Zax scooped up a crumpled shirt and pulled it on, although as it only buttoned from his navel downwards it offered minimal cover. 

The shirt drew the eye to the flesh it housed, offering tantalising glimpses of soft body hair and the nipples thrusting against the gentle abrasion of the clinging silk.

‘Sleight of hand? Don't you just slide that in as you go along?’

Fists propped on his hips, Zax glared at him. ‘You think a show produces itself? What am I saying, you never think about what I do! Being an entertainer requires commitment to hours of rehearsal, plus everything else entailed in putting on a show: planning each act and amalgamating them into a show; lighting; sets and props; music; heating; security; seating; sanitary arrangements; first aid; fire precautions; box office... I would go on but you're obviously not interested.’

‘I am. I was just thinking. You'd never guess so much work goes into a show, it looks effortless.’

‘It's supposed to,’ said Zax, slightly mollified. ‘Whatever variation we use on a given night.’

‘You have more than one show?’

‘Of course.’

Galen absorbed that. ‘So where does juggling come into it? You're a magician.’ For a moment he thought Zax was going to jump up and down on the spot in his frustration.

‘You wouldn't recognise a magician if he bit you on the arse! I thought you said you'd seen a show?’  
‘I did. Well, a recording of one.’ It seemed a long time ago.

‘And how much magic did you see?’

‘I don't know,’ admitted Galen. All he had noticed was Zax but it hardly seemed politic to say so right now.

‘Well, that's honest enough.’ Zax leant back against the wall, his legs crossed at the ankles and his hands in his trouser pockets, which drew the silk taut over his half-erect prick; for once, the pose looked unstudied.

Galen resisted the temptation to take him then and there. ‘You don't use magic on stage?’

‘Only a little. More would be too dangerous. Oh, I could pin the audience to their seats with the sort of light show I inflicted on you but I never would. Any fool can hold an audience by frightening them. The challenge comes from finding the skill to slide the inexplicable into the mundane. My only aim is to bring pleasure. So I build the tension, create a mystery, and then I bring them safely back down again. There must never be anything to frighten the timid - more than a little,’ Zax added, with a wicked grin.

‘You make it all sound so - ’

‘ - dull? It could be. Which is where the skill comes in. And why there has to be plenty of variety.’

Unnerved by this stranger who spoke with such assurance of an alien world, Galen felt unsettled by and jealous of Zax's commitment to his audience, who were offered so much more than he was. ‘You seem certain your audience will be back for more than one show.’

Zax pushed himself away from the wall to give a sinuous stretch, his body supple and obedient to his every whim. He paused to stare into the mirror. ‘They always have,’ he said, far too knowledgeable to be unaware of his own charms.

‘Have you ever heard of modesty?’

Zax tilted his head, as if considering it. ‘Would you rather I pretended I don't know what draws them?’ The assurance glinting in his oddly-slanting eyes almost masked the bleakness of his certainty.  
‘You make them want you,’ said Galen flatly.

‘They seek diversion, a fantasy - I give them what they want.’ Zax did not add that he had always wondered what his audiences would make of the man behind the exotic stage image. Not that they wanted reality. Him.

Nor did Galen, it seemed.

‘Does that kind of attention get you hot?’ asked Galen into the silence, his distaste poorly hidden.

‘Would it bother you if it did?’ Mercilessly lit, Zax looked nervy and irritable, which meant more of that edged unpredictability that Galen floundering at the best of times. 

‘Based on the one performance I saw, you give them more than that. And that's what they come back for, whether they know it or not.’

Feeling nakedly exposed and hating his neediness, predictably Zax went on the attack. ‘Why are you here? You can't have run out of emergencies already.’

‘I took the night off.’

‘Lucky me.’

His expression bleak, Galen was already heading for the door, needing to escape the mockery which knew too well how to find its mark. ‘I'm sorry I interrupted your work.’

It was only then that Zax realised Galen was leaving. ‘Don't go! This is the first day I've tried to practice. It went badly because I'm nervous. In my frustration I hurled a knife at the door just as you came into the room. I only just managed to divert its course.’ 

‘You have to practice?’ said Galen, side-tracked.

He looked so astonished that Zax made a sound of pure frustration and sent out two knives almost too fast to see. One thudded between Galen's spread fingers, where they rested against the door jamb, the other skimmed his throat, making a soft, deadly thunk as the blade embedded itself in the wood.

‘Yes, I have to practice! How d'you think a show's produced, by magic?’  
Galen felt oddly encouraged by that assault, while taken aback by Zax's speed and precision. ‘As a matter-of-fact, I did. You _are_ a magician.’ When he rubbed a sore spot on his neck his fingers came away smeared with blood. He held them up for Zax to see. ‘I knew you should have practised with something blunter. There could have been a nasty accident.’ 

Zax stalked over until they were only inches apart. ‘What makes you think it was an accident?’ he demanded, quivering with intensity.

Galen just smiled and sucked the blood from the tip of his index finger.

Zax suddenly forgot how to breathe. He felt helpless before the heat which surged through him, the animal recognition of Galen's hard, male physicality, which was both a challenge to his own and a siren's lure.

Before Galen could attempt to reply, Zax made a soft sound, deep in his throat, and swooped, ravaging the tiny wound. His hands locked over Galen, as if he thought he might try to escape.

Intensely aroused by the mouth seemingly intent on feeding from him, Galen dragged Zax even closer, wanting everything, now. He forced Zax to raise his head, his mouth a plundering force as he licked and bit and sucked. Hard and urgent, teetering on the edge of violence, it was not enough. Fasteners were forced, buttons bouncing to the floor as clothing was stripped away by hands made clumsy with a lust that was for completion at any cost.

‘Fucking jumpsuit.’ Zax’s voice was thick with frustration, before he ripped open the last fastener.

Naked first, he kept the initiative, Galen lost to the predatory mouth and the hands busy owning him. His back to the wall, naked except for the jumpsuit clumped around his ankles, Galen cried out when Zax sank to his knees, took him in without preliminaries, and began a strong sucking motion, letting him feel the threat of teeth as his callused hand tormented Galen's balls.

Galen pressed his palms at each side of Zax's face, feeling his cheeks hollowing, before he drove deeper, hypnotised by the bobbing movement of Zax's head.

He came so fast and so hard that it made him dizzy. His legs shaking, he slid down the wall to sprawl on the floor. A knot of abandoned clothing digging into the small of his back, he opened dazed eyes to find Zax poised over him, achingly erect. Seeing nothing but want in those lust-blind eyes, he knew a moment's panic, even as he moved to accommodate Zax's need with a dull acceptance. Fear and his cramped position disrupted his flow of air but then he had never associated being fucked with comfort. He flinched at the first probing touch and stifled his protest, trying not to tense. Touches which would have sent him rocketing moments ago were only distantly felt as he closed himself off from what was about to happen.

Then his legs were released, hands smoothing along his thighs as he was resettled in a more comfortable position. He opened scrunched eyes to see Zax watching him.

‘Oh, you bloody fool,’ sighed Zax. He cradled the side of Galen's face, stroking his mouth with his thumb, want threaded with tenderness now.

Galen sucked Zax's thumb inside, bit down gently and sucked again. He could feel Zax shaking against him, his blood-engorged prick bobbing with every ragged inhalation he took. Terrors from the past melted away when he saw the yearning on the face bent to him, Galen lit by nothing more than the teeth clenched over the full bottom lip.

‘Do it now. Fuck me,’ he said, his mouth lingering on Zax's shoulder. He could have sunk his teeth into that firm flesh and fed from his life's blood, willing to be devoured in his turn.

‘You don't want this.’

‘I do with you. I wouldn't lie. Not about this. Fuck me. I want to feel you sinking into me. Want to...’

Zax placed shaking fingers over Galen's mouth. ‘Sold. I just need to calm down a bit.’ Sweat trickled down from his temples, a muscle twitching in his jaw. ‘I don't want to hurt you.’

Galen wiped it away and licked the pad of his finger. ‘You won't. And if you do it won't matter because it won't be intentional. I want this. With you. I want everything with you.’ 

But it was he who had to take the initiative, fumbling through Zax's make-up until he found some unscented cold cream which felt oily enough to do the trick. He began to apply it to himself, unfamiliarity making him awkward.

‘Let me,’ said Zax, kissing the inside of Galen's thigh. ‘If you're sure?’

Galen took his face in a two-handed grip. ‘Any more sure and I'll be tying you down so I can have my wicked way with you.’ His breath caught when cream-slick fingers teased their way into him.

Zax refused to be hurried. Jolts of pleasure sparked up from Galen's tail bone until he thought his eyes would cross.

‘How do you want to do this?’ Zax's voice was tight with tension. ‘Face to face, or - ?’

Galen gently pushed him onto the floor and straddled him. Fumbling at first, he eased down onto that beautiful prick, exhaling as his thigh muscles quivered with strain. Zax made a choked sound as he fought to keep still. Galen moved a fraction forward and quivered at the sensation sparking along his nerve ends. But he dared not lose himself in the pleasure, wondering just how this was to be completed without his inexperience ruining everything.

It was then that Zax took charge. ‘Let's try something else, eh? Let me just... Ssh, only for a moment. See, easier in this position until we've had a bit more practice.’ His voice caught as he sank back home, his body curved protectively over Galen's back, arms banding him, his mouth close to his ear. ‘Leave everything to me this first time. You just... Yeah, I thought you'd like that. How about this? Now how about if we try this angle?’ 

Everything was a blur after that, as pleasure built on pleasure, Galen's world narrowed to the wonder of what they were creating between them - something that went far beyond their physical joining. But he heard the love when Zax whispered ‘Galen,’ just before he came. 

 

Galen woke to find his forehead in the hollow of Zax's armpit and fingers stroking the back of his neck. ‘Thank you,’ he mumbled.

‘It wasn't supposed to be like this.’

‘No?’ 

There was such a wealth of satisfaction in Galen's voice that Zax smiled and ruffled the dark hair. ‘I didn't mean the sex.’ He paused to kiss Galen's ear.

‘I did. Though now you mention it, think what we would have missed if you'd given me the welcome you'd wanted to straight away.’

Zax stared at him with something approaching fear. ‘You know me too well.’

‘Not yet, but I'm learning. I didn't exactly help. I was a bit nervous. I've hardly seen you for over two months.’

‘Is this an admission of guilt?’ teased Zax.

‘Certainly not. Maybe,’ Galen said ruefully. ‘For a while it felt as if we were strangers again.’

‘It doesn't now though,’ said Zax, his confidence restored by the expression in Galen's eyes.

‘No. I don't enjoy life as much when we're apart. It feels as if there's this Zax-shaped hole and I keep turning around to tell you things and... I like sharing my life with you. A lot.’ Galen looked up abruptly. ‘Have you stopped breathing?’

‘I think I must have done.’

But because Zax was smiling in that way which made Galen feel ten feet tall, he stopped worrying and settled back to sleep.

 

The rest of the house had long been in darkness by the time they thought of food. They foraged in the kitchen, eating an assortment of left-overs and sharing the odd delicacy with one another. Elbows on the table, their chairs drawn close together, they talked of everything and nothing, the raw edges of their weeks apart seamlessly knitting together. 

It was almost dawn when Galen finally admitted his fatigue and they went to his functional room with its pristine mattress.

‘It seems a shame to disturb it,’ said Zax, who had been sleeping on cushions in his practice room because it was less lonely. 

‘You can sleep on the floor if you like, I'm not going a step farther.’ Very aware of certain portions of his anatomy, mainly, Galen thought, because of the metal hoop on which he had been lying at some point, he gave a sigh of contentment. ‘I'd forgotten how comfortable a real bed can be.’

‘How do you feel?’ checked Zax.

Galen thought about it. ‘Stretched,’ he said at last. He was still grinning faintly when he fell asleep.


	17. 17

Galen awoke to find the room flooded with sunshine and Zax looming over him with a cut-throat razor in his hand. Galen gave it a wary look as he sat up. ‘What's that for?’

‘You need a shave.’

Galen fingered the stubble on his chin and raised an enquiring eyebrow.

‘Well, I was proposing to start there.’ Zax lifted a gently steaming bowl of water onto the table, beside towels and shaving soap.

Galen got up and went to the bathroom, rubbing his belly as he ambled back. ‘I can shave myself, you know. What time is it?’

‘When do you have to leave?’

‘Lunchtime at the latest.’

‘That's what I thought. It's five in the afternoon.’

‘What?’

‘There's no need to bellow. You were tired.’

‘I wanted to spend the time with you, not asleep.’

‘You were exhausted, now you're not. As you're so late, another hour can't hurt. Sit back, close your eyes and hope my hand doesn't shake.’

‘You don't need to - ’  
Zax kissed Galen's upturned face. ‘Humour me.’

The heaviness of his marathon sleep still on him, Galen nodded, content to let Zax do whatever he wanted with him. A towel soaked in hot water softened his whiskers and he felt the warm slickness of shaving soap, cool fingers tilting his face a little. He watched Zax's absorbed expression as he shaved him. Oddly diffident, Zax's movements were less deft than usual. Then the only sounds were their soft breathing, the rasp of the gleaming cut-throat against his beard, the movement of Zax's hand against his skin and the occasional splash of water. Galen was almost asleep by the time he was patted clean with a damp towel.

‘You didn't have to do that,’ he muttered, half-embarrassed by the attention.

‘I wanted to. Shower, dress, then food. You don't know when you'll next have time to eat.’

Galen caught hold of Zax's wrist. ‘I don't want to leave, especially not so soon, you do know that?’

‘Yes. But I've had enough of these separations. Next time I'm coming with you. It's time I got used to life underground again. There won't be much of an audience up here.’

‘The moment you've had your immunisation shots you can go where you like, so long as I'm with you,’ said Galen, as Zax followed him into the bathroom.

‘I don't need a bodyguard.’ Zax bristled at the thought.

‘I know but I need peace of mind. There are dangers in China as there are anywhere else but some of them may be unfamiliar to you.’ Galen raised his voice so it would carry over the sound of the shower.

‘Such as?’ Zax handed him the soap.

‘The strong preying on the weak.’

‘It was so different on the Island, of course. I don't need a medical.’

‘You're going to have one if I have to truss you up and carry you there. How can I persuade the others to go to the Medical Complex if you won't?’

There was a small silence.  
‘They needn't know,’ said Zax weakly.

‘Oh, so you don't mind them putting themselves at risk?’

‘You don't think I'm falling for that, do you?’ said Zax, amused.

‘I'm serious. I've seen too many people die needlessly. At least meet the medics. They never need know who, or rather what, you are.’

Zax twitched. ‘Now you've taken up mind-reading.’ He handed Galen a towel.

‘You wouldn't be this wary of medics without good reason,’ said Galen simply.

‘I won't become one of their experiments. I can't take their drugs and I've learnt not to trust their intent.’

‘You can trust this one implicitly. I've known him and his partner for more years than I care to remember. Without immunisation you'll all have to stay on the Exterior. I'm not asking you to do it today, just to agree in principle.’

‘Those bloody eyes of yours,’ sighed Zax, when Galen said nothing more.

‘That's a yes, then?’

‘Oh, enough. I'll do it. Go back into your room, I'll take the food in there.’

Within a short space of time Zax was back with two dishes of spiced vegetables in bean curd, with flat bread.

Galen made short work of his own meal and then ate half of Zax's. ‘I was hungry,’ he said, sounding surprised. ‘I shouldn't be away so long this time. The major repairs are almost finished.’

‘I'll take you to where you're working.’

‘It's tempting but what if someone sees us arrive? Word will soon spread if I appear out of the blue with something as exotic as you wrapped around me.’

Zax ripped off a piece of bread to mop up what little Galen had missed. ‘In the interests of accuracy, while I need some kind of contact to transport someone, I don't usually indulge in your brand of it.’

‘I should hope not. I thought we'd agreed it would be better not to advertise what you can do.’

‘I know we did but I don't know why. As you keep reminding me, this isn't the Island. You say I'll be safe from the scientists, should they discover the truth.’

‘I did, and I'm sure. But this power of yours fascinates me, and I'm no scientist. They wouldn't do anything but talk you to death, I'd stake my life on it. But not yours,’ Galen added, interrupting whatever Zax had intended to say.

‘Stop worrying. We'll keep each other safe. No one saw us last time, no one will this time.’ Zax briefly touched Galen's throat. ‘I'm sorry about that cut. I was too blind with rage and lust to be able to aim straight.’

‘Do you mean to tell me it was an accident and not your skill? You could've killed me.’ said Galen, his outrage only partly assumed.

‘My skills might be rusty but I wouldn't risk hurting you - too much.’

‘Why, you...’

Lit by sunshine and laughter, Zax allowed himself to be stalked, caught and tumbled onto the mattress. ‘You haven't got the strength,’ he said, breathless from his none-too-convincing attempt to free himself.

‘Bet me?’ invited Galen silkily.

Zax had always found it difficult to resist a challenge.

Even with Zax's assistance, Galen was _very_ late getting back.

oOo

Every time it stopped raining Anike drove everyone out to help her prepare the ground for the market garden she had spent hours planning, the seeds for which were busy growing into seedlings in the two rooms with the most light.

‘I blame you for going back to get the stuff.’ Eddy paused to rub the small of his back.

After digging for three hours Zax lacked the energy for more than a speaking look, until he heard a call. His head shot round, a moment later he was racing across the field to where Galen had appeared at the side of the house.

Eddy held the others back with a glare. ‘Haven't you lot got any tact?’

Sade tucked an arm around Monica. ‘We forgot. It's just...we're not used to seeing Zax this...’ She waved her free hand.

‘Happy,’ said Taruna helpfully. ‘My goodness, for a moment I thought Galen was going to...’

‘He's still inclined to be a bit prim,’ said Rhian sadly.

‘But loads better than he was,’ defended Monica. ‘Coming on in leaps in bounds, in fact.’

‘Oh, look, he's coming over,’ said Anike unnecessarily.

Zax stepped aside, smiling as Galen all but disappeared in a sea of grubby affection, although he suspected some of Eddy's enthusiasm was due to the fact it gave him a break from physical labour.

‘Are you home for good this time?’ said Monica, voicing the question Zax had been wary of asking.

‘Give the poor bugger a chance,’ said Eddy, as they all headed back to the house.

‘Till the next emergency,’ said Galen. One arm around Zax, his hand was splayed over the indentation just above his hip bone, the warmth of Zax's arm across the small of his back. ‘Why are you all so filthy?’

‘Every time it stops raining Anike makes us clear more land,’ said Bob lugubriously.

‘Why?’ asked Galen without much real interest, his senses locked to the man walking in step by his side.

‘To grow food, of course. Initially to feed ourselves, but in time we should be able to help feed others. For barter or sale - or just to give to those who are hungry. You said we could make ourselves at home,’ added Anike, defensive when she became aware that everyone was staring at her.

‘I like the idea of feeding the hungry,’ said Eddy, kissing her on the cheek.

She went pink when she saw the way Bob was looking at her and let Monica hug her close, before Zax leant over to kiss her other cheek.

‘We all do,’ he said. ‘But it took you to think of it.’

‘Can't argue with that,’ said Galen, before he yawned. ‘But I don't understand...This _is_ your home. You don't need my permission to do anything to it.’

‘That's lucky,’ murmured Zax.

‘I heard that,’ said Galen.

Zax gave a slow smile, his heavy-lidded gaze lingering here and there.

Galen almost tripped over his own feet.

Eddy sighed and held the others back again. ‘I think they've got a private celebration planned.’

‘Well, in that case we can get cracking on the next section,’ said Anike happily. Her face dropped at the chorus of groans which erupted. ‘What? You don't want to help me?’

They worked without complaint for another three hours, mainly because she had the sense to smile where it would not show. Not that Bob fell for it, of course, but he would never give her away - not if he wanted sex before the next millennium. Besides, he loved to see her happy.

 

‘You look better than last time,’ noted Zax, as they entered the house, yet to realise the others had dropped behind.

‘Regular sleep helps,’ said Galen cheerfully. ‘I shaved, too.’

‘I noticed,’ said Zax, pausing to kiss him again, taking his time.

His persuasive powers were such that he almost found himself face down across the kitchen table, until Galen remembered the lack of privacy and the troupe's love of teasing him.

‘Our room,’ he said with decision, steering Zax in the right direction.

‘Do I have time for a shower?’ enquired Zax, who was quite enjoying this display of masterfulness, provided it was not permanent.

‘You smell just fine to me.’ Galen closed the bedroom door and deftly began to undress Zax, who smelt of earth, crushed grass and fresh sweat, his shirt clinging damply to his chest and shoulders.

Zax nudged up even closer and began to kiss him, noisily and with some attention to detail. He was an extravagantly good kisser, Galen's preference being for the slow, wet kisses which stole away every hope of resistance. Not that he planned to resist.

They had been apart for twenty nine days. A life-time.

Galen eased Zax against the wall and dealt with his remaining shirt buttons, before scraping Zax's left nipple with his thumb nail. Zax arched and whimpered, seemingly frozen in place. The edge of Galen's teeth won a strangled groan. Zax barely noticed his trousers slipping down to his ankles until Galen's hands settled possessively over his naked arse. Galen sank to his knees, mouthing his way down Zax's torso. He kissed a sweat-damp crease, where thigh joined torso, brushing Zax's prick, almost drunk on the scent of him.

Zax moaned, his head going back as he tried to firm his legs. His hands tightened over Galen's flanks.

Galen swept his tongue over the bare flesh, revelling in the taste and sensitivity of him, finding the scent of him richly erotic. He nuzzled Zax's balls, stroking behind them, his flat-palmed hands pinning Zax to the wall as he began to tease the glistening head of his prick.

‘You bastard,’ gasped Zax helplessly. ‘Oh, you beautiful b-bastard. Just don't...’

‘Don't?’ said Galen wickedly.

‘D-don't stop. _P-please_.’

Without further preliminaries, Galen stopped teasing and engulfed Zax's prick. One hand encircling the base, teasing the vein with the side of his thumb, he began a strong, no-nonsense sucking action of the head, startling a cry from the man swaying above him. Zax managed to firm his beginning-to-buckle legs and to stop his fingers from digging into Galen's shoulders too deeply as Galen kneaded his arse in counterpoint to the rhythm he was imposing.

By the time Galen had finished with him Zax was a crumpled wreck on the floor, his hand still curved around Galen's now relaxed prick.

oOo

After three days at home Galen had unwound enough to take an interest in what everyone had been doing. While he was impressed with Anike's horticultural plans, and cowed enough to do several hours digging, he soon realised that even she felt as if her life was on hold and that it had been since they arrived in China. Hardly surprising given that the troupe had seen virtually nothing of the Exterior, and had met only the few Numbers who supplied them with fresh food and whatever else they might need from the market.

He attempted to bring up the subject of immunisation but it did not go well. In fact it gave Monica and Taruna nightmares.

Lectured fiercely by a protective Rhian, Galen said: ‘I can't apologise. Immunisation is imperative if you want to go underground.’

Within a few moments the room was empty except for Zax, who was so subdued that he almost blended into the background.

‘Well, I can't say you didn't warn me,’ said Galen. ‘I'm going to need your help to persuade them.’

‘I've no influence with them on this.’

‘Don't give me that. They'd walk through fire if you led the way.’

‘I can't help,’ Zax said squinting as if he had a headache.

‘Won't.’

‘You don't realise what some of them have been through. I've already promised to go to the Medical Complex with you.’

‘And yet here we still are. What about the others?’

‘As I've already said, I have no influence with them about this.’

‘If it's the idea of being treated by a Number, you can see a Name. We have more than a dozen qualified as medics now.’

‘That, of course, makes all the difference.’

‘You've got to trust someone some time,’ said Galen, unconscious of his own change of attitude over the months.

‘We’ve always trusted you. But you can't expect us to extend that trust to Numbers. People don't change that much. Not us, not them. What you ask is too big a step.’

‘They're medics whose sole purpose is to ease pain. They have as much in common with the Numbers you knew as I have!’ Galen's face tightened in the silence that followed. ‘Thank you for not stating the obvious. I haven't forgotten that I'm a half-breed.’

‘Don't be a bigger fool than you can help,’ snapped Zax, pushing himself away from the wall. ‘You are yourself and that's enough for anyone.’ A moment later his eyes narrowed with suspicion. ‘It's obviously enough for me, you played me like a master. Bastard,’ he added with grudging admiration.

‘I try,’ said Galen modestly, before his smile faded. ‘That doesn't alter the fact you all need to be immunised.’

‘Save your arguments, you've worn them threadbare. It doesn't matter how rational they are, they won't help Monica to forget what was done to her. Or any of the others. We all have reasons for our fear, small as they may seem to you.’

‘You, too?’

‘It was a long time ago. I thought I'd managed to forget. I'm probably the greatest coward of us all.’

‘What is it you're afraid of?’

His nervous energy needing some outlet, Zax paced the room. ‘I don't want to talk about it.’

Galen took heart from the fact that while the door had been closed, it had not been kicked shut in his face. ‘Then we won't. The last thing I want to do is stir up old memories. For anyone.’

‘It's a test, isn't it? A test to see how much we'll do for you.’

‘Of course it's not,’ said Galen heatedly, before he paused, as he rarely did, to examine his own motives. He was disconcerted to find them less pure than he had assumed. ‘Well, not intentionally. I just... I thought if you could see the Medical Complex at work it might help you to believe you're safe. Not just from Regulators but from the cold science of the Numbers you knew.’

‘You speak as a child would, of matters it can't hope to understand.’

Galen stared into a face that seemed as cold and distant as the moon. ‘I just want to see you happy.’

Defeated by the very simplicity he had sneered at moments before, Zax's face softened to an expression which was only ever for Galen. ‘You bloody fool,’ he sighed, touching Galen's cheek.

And there the discussion was abandoned.

oOo

 

Convinced his was the only solution, Galen made the necessary arrangements. He broke the news to everyone during breakfast, before they had a chance to disperse.

‘It's about time we got to meet this precious Controller of yours,’ said Eddy. ‘But you're not getting me to walk into any Complex, medical or otherwise.’

There was a ragged chorus of agreement, although some, like Monica and Taruna, looked too scared for speech.

With both his patience and his arguments garnered, Galen took it slowly.

‘You know we trust you,’ said Monica. ‘But you also know the kind of work that goes on in the Centres. The experiments.’ She shuddered and fell silent.

‘I know _exactly_ what kind of work goes on in the Medical Complex here and I promise it's nothing like the Island. They're healers.’

‘We've learnt the hard way how little that can mean,’ said Eddy

‘Life here is far from perfect but I trust the Numbers working in the Medical Complex with my life. Trust me to keep you from harm. I have the ability and the will and I'll use whatever means necessary to keep you safe.’

Her expression fierce, her arm around Monica, Sade studied his face. ‘You vouch for these people?’

‘I do. One of them saved my life, and reminds me of the fact every time we meet. If you're not immunised you can't go underground.’

‘Who would try and stop us?’ demanded Eddy.

‘Me, for one. I don't want to lose any of you, we've come too far together.’ Not even the most pragmatic of them believed Galen to be referring to their flight from the Island.

The silence was broken by Eddy's lush sniff. ‘Well, if you put it like that.’

‘You won't leave us there by ourselves?’ Taruna had Rhian's arm in a white-knuckled grip.

The fear in her eyes prompted Galen into an act of genuine selflessness. ‘You can watch me have the first medical.’ It saddened him to know none of them were likely to appreciate the measure of his sacrifice, although Taruna's clammy hand slipping into his compensated a little.

 

Monica stared at the gateway leading into the Maze with a morbid fascination, Galen's voice a dimly heard sound drowned out by the thump of her pulse. When a gentle hand urged her on she made no protest. If she voiced her fear it would give it substance; once released it would overwhelm her. A glance at her companions only increased her sense of isolation, troupe unity fragmented by terror. Their months on the Exterior had peeled away the defence mechanisms which made life underground bearable and the shock of re-entry had hit them all.

The air was hot and stale and it stank of too many people living in close proximity. The light was harsh and bright, their feet making a dead sound on the man-made walkways. Everything they saw and heard brought sickening bursts of recognition. It was impossible to forget the immensity of the weight over their heads as they went deeper underground. Here was stifling communal life in the raw, relentless and inescapable. The hum of people living and dying was all around them, privacy and the pattern of existence governed by the thickness of a paper-thin wall and the ability of neighbours to focus solely on their own concerns - a trick which needed to be learnt early in life.

It was Eddy who broke the spell. ‘Oy! Cheer up. Don't forget, we can leave any time we want. Right, Galen?’

‘Now, if you want,’ he said immediately.

No one moved, except to brush hands, or link arms, re-establishing physical contact.

‘I've 'ad a thought,’ continued Eddy. ‘And I don't need any insults from the peanut gallery. It occurred to me that we could find a place on the Exterior where we can settle down. You can't claim facilities backstage are ever up to much. I like the variety of weather and the feel of earth under my feet. And it's a hell of a lot safer. Anike's ideas - well, fixation - about growing our own food makes sense. But it needs to be a joint decision because I can't imagine not living with any of you, after what we've been through together. What d'you think?’

‘We could try,’ said Anike. ‘We survived on the Island and we've learnt a lot from doing it. With Galen's help...’

Everyone started to talk at once, as much from the need to reassure themselves that this was not their only reality as from genuine enthusiasm, although that, too, was present. The closest any of them had come to a real home had been the shelter Zax had provided for them.

‘I hoped you'd make your home with us,’ said Galen. ‘The house is big enough for everyone to have their own space. You could even close sections off for total privacy, if that's what you'd prefer.’

‘You can't want to live out the rest of your natural with us hangin' round your neck.’ Eddy’s shrewd gaze slid from Galen to Zax and back again in silent question, everyone having heard the casual _us_.

Galen slung an arm around Zax's shoulders. ‘Have you had enough of them yet?’

‘Not quite, despite Anike torturing us at every opportunity. Of course they'll stay, if only to place bets on how many arguments we have a week.’

‘It took the pair of you long enough. We're happy for you,’ said Eddy.

To Galen's consternation there was an orgy of kissing in public. He unglued himself from Eddy's whole-hearted embrace, grateful Zax had not regrown his beard. 

‘Lunatic,’ he said to Eddy. ‘So it's settled, we're all living at our place.’

‘Once we've made a few alterations to the house.’ Taruna's decisive tone brooked no argument.

‘Who's going to be doing the work?’ asked Eddy, with well-founded suspicion.

From the plans being tossed around Galen wondered if they were planning to rebuild the place; it seemed a small price to pay to keep them together. ‘If everyone's finished, we should get on. The quicker this is done, the quicker we can go home and celebrate.’

The unity of the troupe restored, they got underway with their terrors back in perspective. If they were isolated in this strange new world, it was together - and they were free. It was heady stuff and Galen could barely keep up with their questions. 

It was only when they left the stairwell four levels down that the troupe began to notice details which set this Maze apart from others they had known. The absence of Regulators on patrol, the lack of tension, and the bustle of life by people with a purpose, rather than the activity of those with nowhere else to go. They had never seen such a variety of goods for sale or barter. Quite apart from the shock of so much fresh food and spices, many of the clothes were as fine as their stage costumes.

The troupe took off in different directions, until Galen had the look of harassed sheepdog as he tried to chivy them along. They had already seen enough to realise it was impossible to identify Names or Numbers just by their speech or appearance. The common tongue was heard everywhere but often in unfamiliar accents, the people of every conceivable colour, gender and shape. For all the bustle and jostle there seemed to be an order, of a kind, to the chaos. They even got used to hearing the sound of laughter.

Galen retrieved the last straggler and led them round a corner to what he told them was a recreational area. A high-pitched yell turned every head except Galen's. He showed no surprise at the sight of a group of children squabbling noisily over a worn rubber tyre. The fight conclusively won, the victors staggered off with their prize, leaving the defeated shouting noisy abuse after them, before they began to squabble amongst themselves.

Taruna looked away and bit her lip, Anike took an uncontrollable step towards the nearest child before Bob drew her close, urging her to come away. But his own gaze kept straying back to the scene with something like disbelief - and anger.

‘Oh, bugger,’ whispered Eddy raggedly. Encircling as many of his harem as he could, he hurried them off.

‘What's wrong?’ asked Galen, at a loss.

His attention on the scuffling children, Zax shook his head and followed the others.

Galen hurried after him. ‘Why are you so angry?’ he asked quietly, sensing it masked more complex emotions but knowing better than to mention that.

Paler than usual, Zax did not look up. ‘Do you know how long it's been since any of us have seen a child, never mind ones healthy enough to play? Here the sight's so commonplace no one thinks to stop and stare. It's hardest on the women, I think.’

‘There are a number of established family units living on this level. Have you...? That is do you know if you've ever fathered - ?’

‘We're sterile.’

‘What, all of you?’

‘I am, courtesty of the scientists. I don't know about the others but there are no children amongst us, nor has there ever been hope of one.’ Zax's roughened voice steadied. ‘Ask them if you need to know.’ He turned on his heel and walked off. After a few paces he went back to Galen.

‘You weren't to know it was a sore point. I didn't know myself until... I've no yearning for children of my own but I would have preferred to have been left with a choice in the matter. We should catch up with the others.’

His emotions perilously close to the surface, Galen appreciated just how big a step Zax had taken in agreeing to see the medics, on nothing more than his say so. ‘I swear none of you will come to harm,’ he said steadily.

Zax stared at him. ‘You don't seriously imagine I would have let them come down here if I didn't believe that? Besides, the first sign of trouble, I'll get us all to safety. Come on.’ He curled his fingers around Galen's as they hurried after the others.

The incident was not mentioned again.

‘You know what's missing,’ said Taruna, her voice and eyes a little too bright, ‘we haven't come across one fight, or corpse, yet. I haven't even seen a pickpocket.’

‘This is one of the most settled Divisions,’ said Galen. ‘Some people have even moved to the Exterior.’

‘Names?’ checked Bob.

‘And Numbers.’

‘Living together?’ Naturally the question came from Sade.

‘Even cohabiting on occasion,’ confirmed Galen, straight-faced. ‘Does the idea of integration disturb you so much?’

‘When have I ever given the impression that I'll turn down a good fuck?’ purred Sade.

‘Your sense of humour doesn't improve.’

‘Nor does your idea of distance. A short walk, you said,’ Eddy reminded Galen. ‘How much further is it, my feet are killing me?’

‘We're only two kilometres from the exit. I thought it would reassure you to take a look around a couple of Sectors. We're here.’ Galen gestured to a large pair of doors, which swung open at their approach. He was four paces down the walkway when he realised no one was following him, their faces frozen with the beginning of a dreadful doubt.

Anike grabbed hold of Bob. ‘Is this what I think it is?’

‘It certainly looks like a security perimeter.’

‘It was, many years ago,’ said Galen easily. ‘Now everyone's free to come and go as they please.’ He gestured to the bustling crowds. ‘It isn't a trap but if you'd rather leave, we can. There's nothing to fear.’

‘Perhaps there isn't but why are you looking so guilty?’ asked Zax. 

Galen gave a defensive twitch. ‘Shall we go and meet the Controller?’

‘Do let's,’ said Zax, with suspect affability.

Only now it was too late did it occur to Galen that there were a couple of things he should have mentioned before bringing them into the Maze.

It was Zax who led them now. Seeking no directions and oblivious to the distraction of passers-by, he moved with certainty through a winding network of walkways.

Eddy was not so single-minded. When he heard an elusive hint of music his ears pricked like a hunting dog's, recalled to their purpose only when he cannoned into Zax, who had stopped dead.

‘Are you all right?’ Rhian asked, when she saw the blank look in Zax's eyes.

‘Fine,’ he dismissed, looking at the dim light seeping from under the door in front of them.

Eddy was too late to stop Zax from pushing open the door, submerging them in a muted blue light which pulsed with a gentle insistence. The voice that came from nowhere and everywhere made them all flinch.

‘Galen did well to bring you to safety. You must be the magician.’

‘And you're the Controller.’ Zax took a deliberate, if wary, step into the chamber, which seemed to breathe with an uncanny life of its own, distracting the senses from what was real. Despite his private misgivings the floor proved to be solid.

‘The term 'Controller' bears a degree of accuracy. I am responsible for the regulation of life systems, for the storage of the knowledge of ages and for the dissemination of such knowledge.’

‘I am known as Zax and am responsible only for myself.’

‘It is rumoured that Zax the Magician possesses some unusual skills.’

Bob's grunt of surprise clashed with Monica's squeak when the muted light gave way to a brilliance which dispelled every shadow, revealing the room to be empty, except for Zax.

‘Am I supposed to be impressed?’ His face unearthly in the merciless light, Zax parted his hands in a graceful flourish and for the space of a heartbeat all was velvety darkness, the light thereafter kinder to the eyes.

‘Am I?’

‘When the pair of you have finished playing silly buggers you might remember that not everyone enjoys your games. Me, for one.’ Galen's voice was reassuringly familiar.

‘You are not usually so sensitive. It is obvious you neglected to make the necessary explanations before you introduced your charges to the Maze. Why not?’ asked the Controller.

Galen shrugged and glanced around, as if hoping to find inspiration. He saw nothing encouraging in Zax's expression. ‘You know why not.’

‘Our acquaintance spans a number of years, your companions do not have that advantage. It is obvious they were not aware of my existence. They have experienced an unnecessary degree of anxiety.’

‘It took me long enough to persuade them below ground. Trying to explain you away would have been the last straw.’

‘Not if we'd known the truth from the start. You should have told us before we came to China,’ said Bob, who had positioned himself protectively in front of Anike.

‘I know,’ admitted Galen. ‘Would you have believed me if I'd said you could trust him?’

‘ _Him_? Your _Controller's_ nothing but a sexless lump of logic circuits,’ said Sade nervily.

‘There was another reason,’ said Galen. ‘What you didn't know you couldn't betray if you were captured.’

‘Thanks,’ said Eddy.

‘Think about it,’ Galen urged him. ‘You're the worst liar I've ever met. Not that the Regulators would have wasted time with question and answer sessions. You 'd have told them everything. Anyone would under torture.’

‘You are adept at dealing with Regulators.’ said the Controller.

Galen made a sound of exasperation. ‘ Do you want me to explain, or are you going to keep interrupting?’

‘You will say and do what you wish, when you wish, irrespective of what I say - as you have always done.’

Several people gave involuntary grins.

‘You don't improve with acquaintance,’ grumbled Galen, before he turned to the others. ‘By the time I knew I could trust you I was too busy trying to keep us alive to give him - sorry, Sade, the Controller - a thought. You can trust him with your lives.’

‘Isn't that exactly what we are doing?’ said Zax. ‘Only I don't recall being given a choice.’

‘What is it you fear from me?’ asked the Controller.

‘Losing my mind,’ said Zax baldly.

‘That I will seek to tap your mind, or your power? But they are one and the same, are they not?’

‘Don't you know?’

‘You must be aware that I do not. There are boundaries which must be respected. Have you had cause since entering the Maze to suppose you have been threatened?’ 

‘Not yet. My most obvious option would be to put my suspicions to the test.’

‘The results will be inconclusive. Nor will it provide a guarantee that you will not find yourself under attack at a later date.’

‘Don't be too encouraging,’ said Eddy.

‘You forget, the Controller isn't the only one on trial,’ said Zax, turning to him.

Eddy fell silent, remembering when he had urged Zax to test the limits of his power. He had not anticipated a ringside seat, or that Zax would consider pitting himself against a power source of this magnitude.

‘Well?’ demanded Bob belligerently, relieved to get Zax's attention because he was wary when his eyes took on that far-away look. ‘When's this test going to happen?’

‘It's over. What were you expecting, flashing lights? My mind's still my own, that's enough.’

‘What are you?’ Bob asked, staring at the wall.

‘My prime function is to maintain and improve the quality of life for both Names and Numbers.’

‘You don't distinguish between them?’ asked Zax.

‘Your question is not specific. Are you inferring I would sacrifice a Name to protect a Number?’

‘I hadn't realised I was being so subtle.’

‘Zax, don't go annoyin' him,’ Eddy pleaded.

‘Can logic circuits be annoyed?’ mused Zax.

‘Even you might be surprised by what these logic circuits can manage,’ said Galen, looking amused. ‘You aren't the only showman in the room.’

‘I supplied the image your companions would fear most,’ said the Controller.

‘Not the worst,’ said Monica, a certainty in her soft voice which caught at Galen's heart.

Rhian put a comforting arm around her.

‘It seems those who control the Mazes vary from Sector to Sector,’ said Zax.

‘Not necessarily,’ said the Controller.

‘Come off it,’ scoffed Galen.

‘Is it so important to win Zax's trust?’

‘That depends whether you want a juggler or a magician,’ said Galen.

‘And not the man who transported you all to China?’

‘You knew!’ said Galen, disconcerted.

‘Was it intended that the truth should remain a secret?’

‘Put it down to prudence on my part,’ said Zax.

‘I am aware that you possess the ability to transfer matter over considerable distances. Your skill in designing and constructing automatons is well-documented. That is the extent of my knowledge. Where you acquired such skills, and how you put them into practice is a mystery. It will remain so unless you choose to enlighten me.’

‘You spoke of storing the knowledge of the ages,’ said Zax. ‘Is it to be shared?’

‘The information is intended for everyone. A simple procedure has been devised to establish the mode of data transfer most suited to an individuals' needs and level of comprehension. Galen, I leave it to you to arrange for your companions to take the test.’

‘Test?’ queried Bob sharply.

‘To ensure everyone starts at the level appropriate to their ability,’ explained Galen. ‘Many people can't speak or read the Common Tongue, others can’t read. Then there are the blind, the mute, the deaf. The varying levels of intelligence. There's something for everyone, once we understand what they're capable of.’

‘I wouldn't mind giving it a try, if we stay.’ Aiming for nonchalance, Bob could not hide his excitement.

‘And will you all stay?’ asked the Controller.

The fact there was nowhere else for them to go did not make their choice any easier.

‘I'm prepared to do what I can here,’ said Zax, when the silence threatened to reach embarrassing lengths.

‘Thank you.’ 

The troupe warmed to the Controller when they recognised the irony in his voice. Zax had a tendency to take himself too seriously.

‘Come again,’ Eddy invited.

Zax pulled a face. ‘I expressed myself badly. I'd like to stay. Which is what the Controller wanted all along. Why else would he have put Galen at risk on the Island if he didn't believe my services were worth the gamble?’

‘Talent has never been a prerequisite to living here. Nor was the proposal that Galen should bring you here solely of my devising,’ added the Controller.

‘It wasn't?’ This obviously news to him, Galen straightened. ‘Who else was involved?’

Bob looked up. ‘It was Bruce, wasn't it?’

‘If further bloodshed is to be avoided, any changes in society must take place slowly, from secure foundations. Bruce understands that.’

‘Is that why he turned into a stealer of souls?’ demanded Zax, icy with the knowledge that he had been under such extensive surveillance, while ostensibly beyond the limits of mechanical monitoring. 

‘Bruce gave shelter to that which was homeless, to the benefit of them both. The failure of the experiment and its aftermath had been projected. F9895 would not be swayed from her chosen path. What transpired was not without purpose. The Numbers in that Centre have begun to question matters they once took for granted. F9895 will not be forgotten.’

‘Who?’ whispered Taruna, having no wish to attract the Controller's attention. 

‘Veronica,’ muttered Eddy.

‘What will be your function when this Utopia of Names and Numbers living on the Exterior takes place?’ asked Zax.

‘Nothing lasts forever.’

‘You accept the fact your existence is circumscribed?’

‘I do not wish for immortality. Do you?’

‘Only the insane would wish for such a two-edged sword. I won't create automatons for anyone.’

‘Automatons employed in the industrial sector perform efficiently but you would not consider them to be aesthetically pleasing. We have no interest in automatons designed to gratify the sexual urges of humanoids.’

The reminder caught Zax unprepared. ‘You're well-informed,’ he said stiffly.

‘I expressed myself clumsily. Your sexual preferences are not my concern and - '

‘No, they're not and I need justify them to no one.’ Zax was clearly furious.

Galen quashed his irrational stab of jealousy for what had been lavished on a replica. ‘You're over-reacting.’

Zax wheeled around to glare at him. ‘So the Controller has two voices. You repeat your lessons like any well-trained parrot.’

The venom in Zax's voice caught Galen unprepared, the urge to retaliate almost overwhelming. Eventually he trusted himself to speak. ‘Is it necessary to restore your dignity by stripping me of mine? You won't have thought of that, of course, you never do.’ He turned on his heel and left the room before his temper should get the better of him.

Astonishment on his face, Zax stared at the space Galen had occupied, only then realising what his fit of temper had done. ‘Fuck it,’ he murmured, his voice quiet and sad. Irresolute, he looked around, as if he had forgotten where he was, before he headed for the door.

‘You intend to go after Galen. For what purpose?’ asked the Controller.

Zax wheeled around angrily. ‘Do you think I would harm him?’

‘I was under the impression you have already done so.’

That stopped Zax in his tracks. ‘I should have contented myself with automatons,’ he said tiredly.

‘You have a tendency to over-dramatise the mundane. There has been an excess of emotion during this meeting.’

Eddy wondered how, after such a short acquaintance, Zax had managed to charm a computer into making excuses for him.

‘That's because we don't trust you,’ Bob told the wall.

Zax took Bob's clenched fists in a warm clasp. ‘You can. The Controller's had ample opportunity to make my mind his own - he certainly has the ability. My mind is untouched.’

‘What do you mean, "the Controller's had ample opportunity?"' demanded Galen from the doorway.

‘You came back!’ Zax had no clear memory of moving to Galen's side.

‘We're all a bit tense. What opportunities? Did you test the Controller?’

‘I relaxed my guards and searched for his power source. I didn't intend to leave myself open but my attention was on you and the opportunity his. He didn't take advantage of it.’

Ice-cold when he realised Zax thought he could toy with the vast energy source the Controller commanded, Galen was almost incoherent with rage. ‘You risked opening your mind to - He has a sophisticated defence system that - ’ He blinked in surprise when Bob stepped between Zax and himself, every muscled inch of him clearly ready to defend Zax. 

‘You can't think I'd hurt him,’ Galen said, amused rather than offended, until it occurred to him that Zax might believe it too. ‘Zax?’

‘Of course I don't.’ Zax patted Bob's shoulder. ‘In case you've forgotten, I can get us out of here with a snap of my fingers.’

His arm around Zax, Galen frowned. ‘You're shaking. You couldn't believe I would - ?’

‘Get over yourself,’ said Zax, in more of his usual tone. ‘It's just reaction. I haven't got the hang of pacing myself yet. I'll be fine after a nap. But I'm glad you came back. I'm sorry for what I said,’ he added, with no room left in him for false pride.

‘Same here. I think you should sit down for a bit. Recharge your batteries.’ Galen propped Zax against the wall and slid them both to the floor. ‘Time to take stock,’ he explained to the others.

Quivering like a nervous whippet, Zax yawned hugely, propped himself against Galen's shoulder and lost his battle to keep his eyes open.

‘How anyone can think of sleep at a time like this,’ said Eddy.

‘He's almost as exhausted as he was after transferring you all here,’ said Galen in a low voice.

‘A lot of that's stress. He doesn't look the worrying kind, does he,’ said Bob, holding Galen's gaze.

Galen gave the faintest of smiles and nodded because Bob deserved the reassurance.

Satisfied that he had got his point across to the person who mattered, Bob said to the Controller: ‘I'd like to use your data banks.’

‘Can you read?’

‘And write,’ said Bob proudly.

Anike, who could do neither and who had never felt the lack, pulled a face. It had been bad enough listening to _Bruce says_... every time Bob came back from the Centre. ‘I need to know about the soil, growing conditions, the plants that do best here, how to get hold of them, care for them and harvest them. The only seed I have came from the Island. I'll need more. I need to know how to save seed from this year's crop. I need to be able to read.’

Bob's head turned. ‘But honey, you always said - ’

‘I can change my mind, can't I?’

Bob brushed back the strands of hair that had fallen onto her cheek. ‘You can do anything you put your mind to. Let me help teach you. It could be fun.’ He waggled his eyebrows, making her laugh and nod and hug him close.

‘It could be useful to learn,’ allowed Rhian, glancing at Monica, who nodded.

‘The test which will give you access to the data banks will only take a few minutes. There are also practical courses of instruction available on a variety of subjects,’ said the Controller.

‘No need to list them all,’ cut in Galen.

Bob gave him a look of irritation. ‘Some of us might be interested.’

‘Then have a chat with him another time,’ said Galen. ‘He'll stretch your brain like a piece of elastic if he gets the chance.’

‘Some subjects are more interesting than others,’ said Eddy, worrying the side of his thumb nail in lieu of a cigarette. ‘I suppose there isn't much call for music?’

‘There has been little opportunity for much, due to the lack of trained personnel,’ said the Controller. ‘If you would agree to help the instructors working in the Music Complex - ’

‘With what, elastic bands?’ said Eddy with a trace of bitterness.

‘In 2069 Lesmia Cohen composed three - ’

‘Stop tormenting the poor, single-minded slob.’ Galen's gaze was on the man sleeping at his side, Zax's fingers curled in a fold of his jumpsuit, as if afraid he might otherwise vanish. It was a timely reminder of how much he still had to learn. It had never occurred to him that Zax might have his own insecurities, taking at face value the confidence he projected. 

‘Three what?’ said Eddy.

‘The record tapes will be waiting for you in the test room.’

‘I've not had much to do with computers,’ Eddy warned. ‘Not sure I want to neither. No offence.’

There was an audible sigh. ‘Nor I with musicians. F6170 will instruct you. You will find her in the Music Complex situated on walkway 95. The door is marked.’

Already on his feet, only Sade's mocking ‘Oy!’ brought Eddy to a guilty standstill.

‘It can't hurt to take a look, can it?’ he said. 

‘No, love,’ said Taruna placidly. ‘And we'll come to the Music Complex with you once we've sorted out a couple of details.’

When Eddy saw Rhian open her mouth he gave up hope and subsided with a poor grace, unable to see what the delay was now the important details had been worked out.

‘We intend to live on the Exterior, in Galen's house,’ said Sade aggressively.

That opened the floodgates, the entire troupe talking at once about their plans.

‘We need building materials and tools,’ said Monica practically, into a lull in the conversation.

‘And seed,’ said Anike eagerly.

‘No prizes for guessing who'll be doing the digging,’ said Galen.

Anike smothered his protests with a firm hand, only to find sleepy green eyes watching her.

‘He bites,’ warned Zax. He looked considerably livelier than he had before his nap.

‘If Zax agrees, he can undertake transportation from the industrial sector of the heavier pieces of equipment,’ said the Controller. ‘In the meantime, Galen, your services are required in - ’

‘I'll be delighted to transport whatever's needed.’ Zax moved from the circle of Galen's arm to his feet. ‘But Galen's services are spoken for. I need a manager.’

‘You haven't required one in the past,’ said the Controller.

‘And look what happened. Galen stays with me.’

‘I suppose no one will object if I say a word or two,’ said Galen with suspect affability, as he scrambled to his feet. ‘I mean, it is my future the pair of you are sorting out.’

Innocent of guile, Zax stared into those beautiful, stormy eyes, his expression betraying a vulnerability Galen had not expected to see. 

‘Of course I'll do it,’ Galen added, lost.

‘Sucker,’ grinned Sade, before she grimaced when Rhian kicked her ankle.

‘No,’ said Galen, his gaze never leaving Zax. ‘Not about this.’

‘Right, if that's sorted we'll be off to the Music Complex.’ Eddy beat a hasty retreat, Sade, Rhian, Taruna and Monica sliding after him like a pretty string of colourful beads, followed by Bob and Anike.

‘Galen won't know what's hit him by the time Zax has finished,’ said Monica.

‘Don't go wasting your sympathy on Galen, he'll do what he intended to do from the beginning, which is to stay with Zax. But it's no mean feat to have got Zax to ask,’ said Eddy.

‘We could do with a manager,’ pointed out Taruna.

‘You're telling me,’ said Monica with feeling. In the past much of the organisational load had fallen on her. ‘I wonder if Galen has any idea what he's let himself in for.’

‘The poor sod hasn't got a clue,’ said Eddy.

‘If Bruce is as in favour of change as the Controller claims,’ said Bob, ‘then why - ?’

‘ - didn't he help us openly?’ anticipated Eddy, not totally lost to thoughts of music. ‘Use your head, mate. The situation on the Island was dead dodgy. The Numbers didn't want anything changed and Bruce couldn't be sure he could trust you. Any changes will be a long time coming, especially now Bruce has lumbered himself with that cold bitch Veronica. Still, it's obvious Bruce must have known you were hiding Zax. He could have shopped you to the Regulators.’

‘But he didn't. Maybe we'll find out why, one day. As for now...’ Bob gave Sade's elaborately piled hair a gentle tug. ‘How are you going to enjoy being a part of the revolution?’

‘I'll let you know in twenty years' time, if we live that long.’ But she smiled when she said it.

 

Inside the Controller's chamber the argument that was no argument was in full swing.

‘...don't need a manager,’ said Galen. ‘I'd be wasting my time hanging around backstage, waiting for you to spare me a few minutes. Besides, I'm needed - ’

‘I need you,’ said Zax simply.

‘Not backstage you don't,’ insisted Galen, rallying.

‘You can't know that until you give it a try. We've been in China nearly three months, out of which you and I have had five days together. I need more. So do you. You'll be needed for emergencies and obviously I'll do anything I can to help then. If the idea of working with us is so awful, I'll accompany you on your work.’

A look of horror crossed Galen's face. ‘We'd kill each other,’ he said with conviction. ‘If I agree to take you all on I'll be your manager in more than name.’

‘I know,’ said Zax serenely.

‘No, I don't think you do, but you'll learn. All right, you've got yourself a manager,’ said Galen, before he added to the Controller: ‘Why are you hiding?’ 

‘I knew little of Zax. Until I could establish the magnitude of his power and his intentions I deemed it prudent to seek what protection I could.’ The blue and silver lighting faded to reveal an empty room with matt blue walls, floor and ceiling.

‘I know Zax is good but let's not get carried away.’

‘You consistently under-estimate the power he commands - as does Zax himself. My power sources are at his disposal.’

His smile fading, Galen stared at Zax. ‘You can - ?’

‘Perhaps,’ said Zax grudgingly.

‘What do you mean _perhaps_?’

‘I mean I haven't tried to find out. It's a cleft stick. If I succeed in forcing the Controller's defences I can't be certain I won't crash the entire system and what would be left supporting life in the Maze then? Me, that's what. On the other hand, if I failed to breach his defences... I've no intention of lighting up like a supernova just to discover I've over-estimated my power.’

‘That is not the whole truth,’ said the Controller.

‘Oh, for fuck's sake! I don't kill, all right? Not even computers. Besides, he...trusted me.’ Zax looked vaguely embarrassed by his sentimentality.

‘This human need to am - ’

‘How do you know he trusted you?’ asked Galen with dawning suspicion.

‘You won't like it,’ Zax predicted.

‘I disconnected all my defence mechanisms 93.2 minutes ago,’ said the Controller.

Galen stared from the wall to Zax and back again. ‘You're both mad,’ he said with conviction.

Zax gave a faint smile, as if acknowledging some private communication.

‘Thank you,’ said two dissimilar voices in perfect unison.

Galen groaned.


	18. 18

 

The troupe streamed out in a line behind the determined whirlwind that was Galen. They made a valiant effort to keep up with him, more as moral support for Eddy, who had little choice with Galen's hand fixed in his jacket collar, than genuine enthusiasm.

‘Eddy's not built for speed. He's not supposed to turn purple either, you're half-strangling him,’ said Taruna.

‘Oh. Sorry.’ Galen relaxed his grip and slowed his paced.

Unperturbed by his crumpled appearance, Eddy gave a comfortable wriggle, adjusted his freed clothing and paused to cast a wistful glance back in the direction of the Music Complex.

‘It isn't going anywhere,’ Galen told him unsympathetically. ‘Turn right just ahead of us.’

‘Where are we going?’ asked Monica, having to trot to keep up with him.

Galen gave her a look of surprise. ‘The Medical Complex, of course. Eddy, will you get a move on? I'll take you back to the Music Complex afterwards.’

‘What's wrong?’ Eddy asked shrewdly.

‘What could be wrong?’ said Galen, worrying how long it would take for news of Zax's power to spread through the Maze, and beyond. He would be an invaluable prize for the power-hungry, just how big a prize was now clear.

‘You tell us,’ said Anike. ‘You and Zax have been suspiciously quiet since you collected us. You can't have quarrelled again already.’

‘Anyone would think we never did anything else,’ said Zax, willing to think about anything rather than where they were going thanks to the stupid, dangerous promise he had made.

‘But we did,’ said Galen.

‘You can't call that an argument,’ dismissed Zax. ‘Is it because of what the Controller claims I can do?’

‘Don't be a fool. It's the use others might try to make of you, when they discover what you can do.’

‘What others?’

‘If I knew that I'd deal with them.’

‘Don't search out trouble. I know to guard my actions, on and off stage. I'm not certain I believe what the Controller claimed. He makes known only what suits his purpose.’

Galen sighed. ‘It took me more than a year to realise that.’

‘I never claimed to love you for your brains.’

‘No, but he _is_ pretty,’ said Anike, making Galen grin. ‘You've got so used to worrying about keeping us safe that you can't get used to the idea that there's nothing to worry about. Now, I can understand that when you only have two thoughts to rub together it must be worrying to lose one of them but...’ She danced out of his range, peering at him from behind the relative safety of Zax.

‘You wait,’ Galen promised her, laughing. ‘Though you could be right. I can't believe we're settled and safe.’

‘You will by the time they've remodelled the house,’ Eddy said. ‘All that work will ruin my hands. I think they forget I'm an artiste, I've got to look after myself.’

‘Lazy is the word that springs to mind,’ said Taruna severely. ‘You've forgotten what hard work's like.’

‘I'll remind him,’ said Galen cheerfully. ‘Don't forget, I'm your manager now.’ He winced at Anike's shriek of delight.

‘That's marvellous!’ cried Taruna.

‘I hope you still think so in six months' time. Tomorrow I'll start looking for a theatre. If Zax approves we'll buy it and make any necessary improvements. The faster the better. It's time you started performing.’ Galen's autocratic tone had the desired effect.

‘Really?’ said Zax, his head turning.

‘You're the one who wanted a manager, now you've got one. And I'm no trouble either, until I'm crossed. Hang on, we're here.’ He knocked on a door, which opened immediately. 

A burly, white-haired man gave a broad smile.’I didn't believe Shula when she told me the news. Come in.’

‘Thanks,’ said Galen, only now appreciating what he had let himself in for. He shepherded in the less than eager troupe. ‘I thought it might help if they could see me have a check-up, so they know there's nothing to worry about.’

‘These are the entertainers I've heard so much about?’ The medic's tired face lit up. ‘All are welcome, you more than most. You cannot imagine how much I'm looking forward to seeing your show. When do you give your first performance?’

‘First we need to find a theatre,’ said Galen. ‘After they've been immunised. That's what we're here for.’

‘So, you require a full physical?’

‘Stop gloating.’

The medic's eyes were warm with compassion when he turned to the newcomers, who could not hide their fear. ‘Galen's physical will take the longest to perform because he has offered to be my demonstration model. I will explain what I am doing and why at each stage. If I say something you do not understand ask me to clarify the point. It would help if you closed the door, if only to spare Galen's blushes. It has taken more than two years to persuade him to see me in my professional capacity.’

‘You mean he doesn't like medics?’ Indignation overcame Anike's fear of drawing attention to herself.

‘That would be understating the case. I cannot pretend I enjoy being called a sadist just because my hands are cold. Clothes off, Galen. I have no intention of trying to explain the location and function of your organs by means of the dubious stains on that jumpsuit. Now...’

He kept his explanations at a basic level until he was satisfied they understood. To his relief they were an intelligent bunch and by the time Galen was shown to have an efficient respiratory system one of the newcomers was interested enough to be craning over his shoulder.

‘Er, could you give me a little more room?’ he asked, when it became impossible to ignore the damp breath scudding down his neck. Galen's twitching mouth made him realise that his request had not been as casual as he had hoped.

‘'Course,’ said Eddy equably, moving back a full six inches. ‘I wouldn't mind stripping down that scanner.’

Horrified, the medic changed the subject. ‘Galen, introduce us.’

Galen did so, before adding, ‘And this is M7619. While he saved my life, his biggest fault is the fact he's never let me forget it. I'll remember this,’ he promised, knowing that both his dignity and his clothing could have remained intact.

‘You're a Number!’ Bob choked when Anike trod on his foot. ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled.

‘For whom?’ enquired M7619, smiling. ‘Do you hold the fact against me?’

‘You look like a Name.’ Bob avoided looking at the ugly scar which stretched from the cheekbone, down the throat and under the green jumpsuit.

‘Ah, my memento from the fire.’

‘We aren't used to the idea that Numbers are vulnerable to hurt,’ said Monica hesitantly.

‘Numbers are as vulnerable as anyone else when they leave the cocoon of a fully functioning Maze. That is why so many prefer to end their existence where they began it.’

With Anike's eyes boring into him, Bob felt compelled to explain. ‘It isn't that so much as the fact you're more relaxed than any Number I've met.’

‘I am more relaxed than the majority of Names, too,’ M7619 said, drawing shame-faced grins from most of those present.

‘Point taken,’ said Bob ruefully.

‘I do not wish to lecture you, but any Number living in China has not made that decision lightly. Turn over, Galen. And stop screwing up your face, my hands are perfectly warm. There, did you ever see such a beautiful scar.’ M7619 traced it with pride.

‘Stop showing off,’ said Galen. ‘That tickles.’

‘Be thankful that is all it does.’

Anike perched on the edge of the couch. ‘Eddy, Taruna, Sade, Rhian and Monica are all together, as are Bob and I, and Galen is with Zax of course. Do you share your life with anyone?’ she asked, planting a hand in the small of Galen's back as an aid to maintaining her balance.

‘Anike,’ protested Galen. While he had come on in leaps and bounds, he had yet to acquire the troupe's casual approach to nudity.

‘Shula,’ said M7619, unable to snub her.

‘A Name! Well, you've got to admit such a pairing would be unusual on the Island,’ Bob added, when the others glared at him.

‘This isn't the Island,’ said Anike tartly. ‘You're not comfortable discussing your private life?’ she added to M7619.

‘Er...’ The need for honesty overcome diplomacy. ‘No.’

‘Fair enough, subject closed,’ said Eddy. ‘It's none of our business after all. What's that gizmo for?’

‘Galen's booster shots. He won't feel a thing.’

‘I don't think I'm goin' to enjoy that part,’ said Eddy with a queasy unease. ‘My arse doesn't take kindly to having things stuck in it.’

‘Don't be such a baby,’ said Taruna, passing Galen his clothes as he slid from the couch. ‘Galen didn't so much as squeak.’ 

Eddy gave her a look of betrayal and gave a resigned sigh. ‘I'll go next.’ He began to unfasten his shirt.

‘It is not necessary for you to strip.’

‘But Galen - ’

‘Was set up,’ said Galen, as he pulled on his second boot.

‘Must admit, I did wonder,’ acknowledged Eddy. He settled on the couch with every appearance of ease, although sweat gleamed on his temples. ‘No one could say you've got exhibitionist tendencies.’

Busy examining the ultra-sonic scanner M7619 handed him as a diversionary tactic, Eddy barely noticed his examination, or immunisation.

The examinations went quickly after that. M7619 found it difficult to keep pace with the questions thrown at him by the remarkably fit group.

When Bob slid from the couch, Eddy relaxed fully. ‘Right, now you've done us all we'll be off. Ta very much,’ he added to M7619, already at the door. ‘There's this Music Complex you see...’

‘Do you know the way?’ asked Galen.

‘You are joking?’ said Sade wearily. 

‘And back to the house?’

‘I do,’ said Rhian. ‘All right, Eddy, we're coming!’

It seemed very quiet when the troupe had left. 

‘I thought there were nine of you,’ said M7619, checking his records.

‘There are.’ Galen realised he couldn't remember seeing Zax since they had entered the room. He relaxed when he saw him standing in the corner.

About to comment, M7619 followed Galen's gaze and sighed when he recognised the fear-induced immobility of the man he had not noticed until a moment before. He was conscious of a prickle of unease because he could not understand how he could have missed him.

‘You must be Zax,’ he said pleasantly. ‘When arranging this appointment Galen mentioned that you have some allergies. A simple scan will answer most of my questions.’

‘I don't see how. When I used the field scanner the readings were perfect, yet the antibiotics I administered came close to killing him,’ said Galen.

‘What model were you using?’

‘The A3, I didn't know there was another.’

M7619 made a sound of exasperation. ‘I have told them! A warning is supposed to accompany the issue of those to untrained personnel.’

‘I received - ’

‘ - basic training only. Would you expect me to carry out your duties using the same criteria? I thought not. I must speak to the Controller. In untrained hands those scanners could cause more harm than good.’

‘Now he tells me! I'm sorry, it isn't your fault, I know. It isn't anyone's fault that there's so much that needs to be done by too few people. Can you help Zax?’

‘It is an interesting problem but he is far from unique. I am allergic to five of the most commonly used compounds myself.’ While he spoke M7619 was busy re-programming the scanner.

His back and the palms of his hands pressed flat against the wall, Zax had yet to move or to react.

‘Zax, I have taken a preliminary reading. It appears substitutes can be used for those substances which make you ill. It would also be possible to tidy up that scar on your side, if you wish.’

‘I don't,’ said Zax, angry that he had failed to anticipate an unauthorised scan.

‘As you wish, although it must trouble you on occasion. When did you receive the wound, two years ago, perhaps a little longer? Have you ever been immunised?’

‘No.’ 

M7619 glanced back at the scanner to verify an already known fact. ‘If that is the case I should like to make three, more thorough, checks. There must be no error in establishing what your system will tolerate.’ 

The scanner failed to function.

‘Interesting. Take a look at this, Galen.’

At that moment the lights cut out.

Only then did Galen realise what was happening and move to block the door, preventing Zax from making good his escape.

‘It isn't a power failure,’ said Galen rapidly. ‘Zax, relax.I promise you're safe. Let's have some light back.’ He remembered, too late, to lower his voice.

‘Zax is responsible for this? Are you sure? But of course, you would never joke about such a thing. It is unheard of! What a discovery! The phenomenon must be further investigated, tests made!’ The newly restored light was enough to reveal the excitement on M7619's face.

‘Try and I'll kill you,’ promised Zax.

Galen placed himself between the two men. ‘Zax, listen, you don't - ’

‘No, you listen. I won't do it.’

Too ruffled to notice that Zax was shivering, Galen glared at him. ‘If the others could trust M7619 why can't you?’

‘Experience! You heard him. He'll sift through my mind as Eddy would a pile of music scores. Well, no more. Not even for you.’ Then panic over-rode everything. Caught in the mindless imperative to escape Zax twisted away, ending up farther from the exit than when he had begun. Lost, he froze, palms outspread against the solid surface of the wall, seeing nothing.

His throat closed with the pain of it, Galen was beside him in seconds. Zax remained motionless even when hugged.

‘I doubt if he knows who you are. Release him. He does not hear you. It would be a kindness to render him unconscious, conclude the examination and allow him to recover consciousness on the Exterior,’ said M7619.

‘Then do it.’ Galen was as pale as Zax.

‘How will that help him in the long-run? Or would you rather condemn him to endure this level of terror for the rest of his life?’ Still only half-believing what he had seen, M7619 shook his head. ‘We were fortunate his panic was focussed on the flight rather than the fight response.’

‘Fortunate! Zax? You're safe. It's all right.’

Zax blinked and stared at, rather than through, Galen.

‘That's better,’ said M7619. ‘Zax, can you hear me? Yes, I see that you can. Quite apart from the fact Galen would never permit harm to befall you, you possess the means to defend yourself from any threat I may pose. I intend you no harm, my word on it. What Sector so mis-treated you?’ The hair on the back of his neck was stirring under the threat of that unblinking stare. ‘Why should you be afraid to tell me that? I know what Numbers are capable of. Names, too.’

‘Sector J.’

The medic gave a heavy sigh. ‘I feared as much. Their methods are notorious. You were fortunate to escape with your mind intact.’

Zax gave him a look of cold contempt. ‘Had I relied upon _fortune_ I'd be drooling in a cage.’

‘That's enough,’ said Galen. ‘He's survived this long without being immunised, a few more days can't hurt.’

‘He cannot set foot in the Maze until he has been. Not for your sake,’ M7619 added to Zax. ‘That is what you expect to hear from me, is it not? No, for the damage you could do if you spread contagion into decontaminated areas.’

Even barricaded behind his anger Zax heard the soft sound Galen made. He and M7619 turned at the same time but Galen saw only the magnitude of the mistake he had made.

‘It may be too late,’ he said dully. ‘I brought them in via the south entrance.’

For a moment M7619 was deprived of speech. ‘You irresponsible - ! If Zax is a carrier...’

‘What will you do?’ demanded Zax, understanding little but the expression on Galen's face.

The interruption gave M7619 the chance to calm himself. ‘Ensure he goes out on every cremation detail. What threat did you expect me to make? I work to sustain life. You have no comprehension of what Galen has risked for your peace of mind.’ His tone was bitter.

‘Galen will come to no harm?’ persisted Zax.

M7619 gave him a weary look. ‘What do you imagine I could do or say to him that will alter the burden he bears? Galen, why did you do something so irresponsible?’ he added helplessly.

It took Galen a moment to reply. He would have killed a man for doing less than he had done; two Sectors put at risk because he had not thought.

‘The troupe were terrified, so rather than coming in through the holding terminal I brought them into the Maze via a security hatch, so they could see how different life here is from the Island.’

‘There is no time to waste in recrimination. I need to scan Zax again. I must be certain there will not be a full-scale epidemic.’

‘And if I refuse to co-operate?’ said Zax.

‘With so many lives at stake? If you are a carrier there is still time to take preventive measures, but only if we act now. Do you have any idea how many people could die?’

‘Should I care?’

The shock was slow to fade from M7619's face. After a few moments he said: ‘There are various rumours about Zax the Magician. The one which attracts me the most is that he refuses to take life. I have not forgotten that your experiences have taught you to fear medics and our machines. I know what I ask of you is difficult but - ’

‘You think I fear your machines?’ His smile devoid of warmth, Zax snapped his fingers. Machinery hummed into life and was silenced seconds later.

‘Don't!’ protested Galen involuntarily, his skin prickling from the gathering energy levels.

‘Be quiet,’ said M7619 calmly. ‘You have done enough damage for one day.’

Galen flinched and looked down, unaware that Zax was watching him.

‘Galen, will you stay while he - ?’ Zax could not bring himself to say it.

‘You mean you'll - ? Of course,’ said Galen, relief flooding his face.

‘Who is he staying to protect?’ asked M7619 dryly.

Zax looked up but this time he saw only a tired, desperately worried man of middle years, the white hair and lined face different in every respect from the faces which had haunted him since he entered the Medical Complex.

‘I would never harm you,’ he said, with no idea of how dangerous he had seemed only moments before.

‘So rumour did not lie. Please, I must make the tests quickly.’ M7619's expression became intent when Zax's face tightened, a small grunt escaping him. ‘That pain, when does it occur?’

It was a moment before Zax could reply. ‘Only... Not often.’

‘Come, lie down. Your collapse will help no one. When did the pain first begin? Does it always occur in moments of great stress?’

Zax allowed himself to be settled onto a couch and managed the ghost of a smile. ‘Stress, you say? You may be right.’ A short time later he gave a shuddering sigh of relief, the pain gone as fast as it had arrived.

‘When does the pain occur?’ asked M7619.

‘I was attacked on the Island. Apart from physical injuries it stripped me of my power for some months. The pain stopped when I regained my power on the Island. It started again soon after we arrived in China.’ Zax avoided looking at Galen, to whom this would be news.

‘May I examine you?’ M7619 gestured to the scanner he held.

From the moment he saw the haunted misery in Galen's eyes Zax had known he no longer had the luxury of choice. ‘Yes.’

‘Will it help if I say you have nothing to fear?’

‘Just do what you must.’

‘That is what I thought,’ sighed M7619.

Five minutes later, having treble-checked his findings, he let out an uncharacteristic whoop of joy, looking ten years younger.

Unsteady with relief, Galen slumped onto a chair. ‘He's clear?’

‘Not only is he clear but he is one of the healthiest people I have examined. Which considering the demands Zax places on his system...’ M7619 turned to Zax. ‘I do not suppose I will ever discover how you achieve that gathering and release of energy,’ he said, with a wistfulness which was its own reassurance. ‘You possess a natural immunity to half the most common ailments which can kill. But that is not unheard of. Magic, indeed! This shot will give you total immunity. It will _not_ cause an adverse reaction.’ With a wry smile he clasped one of Zax's clenched hands. ‘Do you have any idea of the nervous energy you are expending right now?’

Zax's sweat-streaked face relaxed a little. ‘I could guess.’

‘May I give you the shot?’

‘Are you certain?’ said Galen.

Patient with him, M7619 nodded. ‘Positive.’

Tired of being spoken over, Zax sat up with due regard for the dull ache at his temples. ‘What must I do?’

M7619's smile was warm as spring sunshine when he recognised the trust being placed in him. ‘There. It is done. Conserve your strength. As our chief entertainer you will need it, we are hungry for glamour.’ There was little to be seen in the man on his couch and he realised Zax was as aware of the irony as he was. 

The moment was lost when Zax flinched and raised a hand to his head. ‘Tension?’ he asked, in a thread-like voice.

This time the bout of pain went on for longer, leaving M7619 frowning.

‘Do something,’ pleaded Galen, looking almost as exhausted as Zax.

‘What would you suggest? There is no physical reason for the pain. Zax, if it persists, come back and see me.’

‘Believe me, he will. You should have told me about these headaches,’ Galen added to Zax.

‘It's not really a headache as such, just this... I can't explain what it feels like. Can we leave now?’

‘Yes. But if your courage will last the course I believe you should stay a little longer.’

‘I didn't expect it to be this bad,’ Zax said, a forearm shading his eyes.

The admission was more than M7619 had expected at this stage of their acquaintance. He ignored Galen's glare, which clearly told him to drop the subject. ‘How old were you when you were taken to Sector J?’

‘Eleven, twelve. I'm not sure. I was warm and fed and their machines fascinated me. The second day I learnt the measure of my mistake. I destroyed their laboratory on the third day, before those beautiful machines could destroy me. Four Numbers and two other _Subjects_ died in the fire that raged. I couldn't stop what I'd started.’

‘You have learnt to control your power since then,’ said M7619.

‘I had to.’

‘Yes, you have learnt.’ M7619 began to understand what drew Galen to this man.

‘We know that, _he_ still doubts it.’ Galen waited until Zax opened his eyes. ‘You were a child, in terror for your life, possessed of a gift whose limits you had yet to explore. You used the only weapon you had. As anyone would have done.’

‘Galen makes a valid point,’ said M7619. ‘You should test yourself, if only to discover your limits.’

‘And apologise to the corpses of my victims afterwards? Thank you but no.’

‘You have a unique and formidable talent. That is not something to flaunt or be ashamed of, but you should acknowledge its full extent.’

‘My power isn't unique. Well, I've heard of a few others.’

‘A few are all it would take,’ said M7619 grimly. ‘It is not to be expected that they would all share your scruples.’

‘You trust me?’ said Zax blankly.

‘Galen was correct,’ said M7619, smiling, ‘you _are_ a fool.’

Zax sat up and drew a cigarette from the air with a casual lack of thought which made M7619 stare. ‘I'm relieved you approve,’ he said dryly.

‘You hardly require my approval, as I am sure you were about to point out.’

‘I was.’ Zax's smile held genuine warmth and he began to relax for the first time that day. ‘Do you smoke?’ he asked, when he realised what held M7619's gaze. He produced and held out another cigarette.

‘No, and you should not, least of all here. No, do not put it out, just be careful what you do with the ash.’ M7619 blinked when both cigarettes were flicked from view. ‘How - ?’ 

‘Don't ask,’ said Galen. ‘He's useless at explaining.’

‘How did the scientists in Sector J learn of your power? There are no physiological manifestations, except for an increase in brain activity, and then one would not attribute it to...’ M7619's voice trailed away.

‘Magic? They were told something of what I could do,’ said Zax. ‘That's why they bought me. Don't look so shocked. How else do you imagine they get fodder for their experiments? Regulators give them some, of course, but not the ones who interest them the most.’

‘Who believed they had the right to sell you?’

‘My father.’ Zax wished he had thought to lie when he saw Galen's expression.

‘The so-called parental bond,’ nodded M7619. ‘There is much to say in favour of sperm banks.’

‘Can we go home ?’ said Galen abruptly. ‘I've had enough for one day.’

‘Thank you,’ said M7619 with gentle irony.

Galen gave an apologetic grimace. ‘Are you going to take offence?’

‘I, too, am fatigued. If Shula has finished with her last patient we will go home. When may we expect your first performance?’ M7619's enthusiasm was obvious.

A nudge from Galen prompted Zax into saying all that was proper, then they were free.

‘Home?’ said Galen, linking his fingers with Zax's.

‘Home. But you'll have to make it under your own steam, I couldn't move a matchstick.’

‘How's the headache?’

‘It wasn't a headache, and it's gone.’

Galen selected the shortest route out of the Maze. ‘Are you sorry I brought you to China?’

The clasp on his hand tightened. ‘Nowhere's free of the rule of machine. Better a benign Controller, if there must be one.’

‘You and he seemed to achieve a measure of understanding,’ said Galen cautiously. ‘If today has taught me nothing else it's stopped me from asking stupid questions. I can see why you don't talk about the past.’

Zax sighed and drew him closer. ‘The past is dead, let it lie.’

‘And your father?’

‘Is also dead, I hope.’

‘Yet you kept his medallion.’

‘As a reminder of what I must never become. I should have brought it from the Island after all.’

‘You did - in a manner of speaking. I kept it for you. Never mind that now,’ Galen added gruffly, embarrassed by the expression on Zax's face. ‘Let's get home. Ooof!’ He gave a winded grunt and stared at the unprepossessing child who had run into him.

‘Sorry, Mister,’ the boy muttered, already in retreat.

‘Are you all right?’ Galen asked, concerned.

‘Wot's it to you? Look where you're goin' next time.’ The boy's ferocious scowl froze when Zax caught hold of his arm. ‘I said I was sorry,’ he whined.

‘You will be if you don't hand it back,’ said Zax pleasantly.

‘Bugger off, I ain't done nuffink.’

‘Hand it back.’ Unmoved by the inimical glare, or the booted foot aimed at his shins, Zax out-stared his captive with ease.

‘Weren't worth nothin' anyhow!’ The boy produced Galen's callnote from a fold in his voluminous shirt and shoved it at him.

‘How you survived this long is beyond me,’ sighed Zax. ‘What do you want me to do with him?’

Chagrined at having been caught by one of the oldest tricks in the book, Galen shrugged. ‘There isn't time to give him what he deserves.’ Only Zax saw the rueful smile in his eyes.

Scrawny and pinched, pale beneath his coating of grime, the boy shared his belligerent stare between his captors, trying to establish who posed the greatest threat. ‘You can't 'urt me,’ he said positively.

Zax looked at him with a spark of interest. ‘Why not?’

‘Because...’ Running out of inspiration, the boy's scowl deepened. He wiped a desultory hand beneath his damp nose. ‘You just try it, that's all.’ He twisted free and made good his escape, lost from view in seconds.

‘He looked half-starved,’ said Galen. ‘Are you all right? I can smell something burning.’

Zax smoothed a charred fold in his cloak. ‘I must have brushed against a brazier,’ he said, still looking in the direction the boy had taken.

‘Just so long as it's not spontaneous combustion. He shouldn't need to steal, not in this Sector.’

‘I don't suppose he does.’ Zax sounded amused as they set off again.

When they reached the Exterior they were surprised to find it was still light, the warmth of the sun and vivid colours an assault on their senses.

‘That's better,’ sighed Zax, stopping to take in their surroundings. ‘Listen to that silence.’ Slit-eyed with pleasure, his face rose to greet the warmth of the sun, tension lines easing away.

Galen watched that unselfconscious display with a tolerant eye. ‘You like it up here, don't you.’

‘I love it. I wish I'd tried living on the Exterior on the Island. But there didn't seem any point. Towards the end I never left the theatre.’

Privately thinking that accounted for a lot, Galen frowned. ‘Is it the thought of spending so much time in the Maze that's putting you off starting rehearsals?’ he asked, as they began the long, slow climb up to the house, the sun hot on their backs.

Zax unfastened and removed his shirt, his nose wrinkling as he smelt his own sweat. 

‘You don't have to answer,’ said Galen gently.

‘That's where you're wrong. After today I think I do. It doesn't mean I enjoy admitting it, of course. The idea of standing in front of an audience again terrifies me - that I’ll be attacked, mindless and at their mercy. Knowing that it isn't likely to happen again hasn't done a thing to help.’ Zax shrugged. ‘But you knew that already.’

Aware that he could offer nothing but glib assurances, Galen slung an arm around Zax's shoulders and they continued on their way in a comfortable silence.

‘Things will be better once the first night's over. Until then...bear with me,’ said Zax.

The day had brought a number of gifts, not least the effort Zax was making now. Galen just smiled and kissed him without haste. ‘Done,’ he said.

‘You probably have been,’ said Zax, before he returned Galen's kiss with a lazy pleasure.

‘Given how quiet it is the others must still be at the Music Complex,’ said Galen, as they went into the house.

‘Which means that they haven't managed to drag Eddy away yet.’

‘Did you think they would?’

‘I thought hunger might.’

Galen was concentrating on the portions of Zax which were appearing as he slid out of the few clothes he had kept on until now.’What are you doing?’ he thought to ask. ‘We were going to eat outside.’

‘I don't need clothes to do that. The river's glinting in the sun...’

‘Wash away the day?’

‘Just the sweat of it. I stink.’

‘You do rather,’ said Galen frankly. He paused to lick a salty crease. ‘You know it'll be dark by the time we get back outside?’

‘I'll light our way.’ Zax packed what even Galen thought to be prodigious quantities of food.

‘We'll never eat all that,’ he protested, knowing who would be carrying it the basket.

‘I'm hungry.’ Zax unfastened Galen's jumpsuit and began to unpeel him.

Bare to the groin, and enjoying the brush of warm air and Zax's fingers, Galen smiled. ‘I thought you were tired.’

‘Not that kind of tired.’ Zax concentrated on removing the bottom half of the jumpsuit.’ ‘Lift up your foot. No, the left one.’

‘I can undress myself, you know.’

‘I'm delighted to hear it. Now the right. Don't forget to put the left one down first.’

His fingers twined in the unruly hair brushing his genitals, Galen gave a hank a gentle tug. ‘If you think I'm going outside bollock-naked just to please you...’ Tired eyes rose to study him, Zax remaining crouched at his feet ‘...you're probably right,’ he finished, with a sigh. ‘That was a shameless display.’  
‘Ah, but it worked. Let's get outside. You can go first, I want to enjoy the view.’

While the muscles of his back tensed, Galen humoured him.

The grass cool beneath their bare feet, talking of everything and nothing, they went out into the warm, sweet air and wandered down to the river, dusk wrapping itself around them until they were in a velvety darkness, relieved by the small golden flares Zax produced. They waded into the shallows and when the cool water was deep enough Galen began to teach Zax how to float and then how to swim. Relaxed and refreshed by the time they emerged, they settled beneath the trees to eat and talk and be silent together, listening to the river flowing past them in the darkness. And before sleep overtook them they slid together with the easy familiarity of established lovers, stroking and rocking their way to a sleepy, unhurried climax.


	19. Chapter 19

After two painstaking weeks Galen managed to find three possible sites for a theatre.

‘I need you to take a look at them,’ he told Zax, who did not look up from playing cat's cradle with a piece of string. 

‘Fine,’ he said without enthusiasm.

‘Take Monica with you,’ said Bob.

‘Of course. You're all welcome,’ said Galen.

‘No, that's not what I meant,’ said Bob with a grin. ‘Trust me on this. Maestro here isn't always - well, ever really - big on the practicalities.’

‘You have remembered that I'm right here?’ Zax raised his head from where it was propped against Galen's thigh.

‘Monica's got a better eye for fine details than any of us. Except maybe Rhian. Take both of them. Ignore what Zax says and listen to them,’ said Bob.

‘You've obviously forgotten that I'm the one sleeping with him,’ said Galen, sliding his palm down Zax's torso to stroke his belly.

‘Carry on like this and sleeping is all you'll be doing with me.’

‘Ah, but that would be punishing you even more than me,’ said Galen, who was learning.

Zax gave a snort of laughter before strolling off to enjoy a leisurely soak in the bath. 

Galen looked at Bob and Eddy, who were the only ones left in the room.

‘Is it me or is Zax avoiding even talking about performing?’

‘You can't expect him to be anything but edgy at the thought of standing in front of an audience after what happened to him last time,’ said Eddy. ‘Give him a break and have a bit of patience.’

Because Eddy was staring at him with no attempt at subtlety, Galen could not pretend the remark was intended for anyone else. ‘Point taken. I am getting better,’ he added wryly.

Bob patted his shoulder. ‘Yes, you are,’ he confirmed with a grin. ‘But the odds are that Zax will be moodier than usual for a while. Try not to take it personally.’

‘That's what I said,’ protested Eddy.

‘No, man. You gave him a lecture about not bullying Zax.’

‘Oh. Sorry,’ Eddy told Galen, who waved away the apology. 

‘You've both known him far longer than me. Should I postpone looking for a theatre?’

‘The longer we leave it, the harder it will be for him,’ said Bob.

Galen nodded. ‘That's what I was thinking. While I've got you here, you'd better tell me what you need. Then you can tell me what you want. With any luck they'll coincide.’

‘I love an optimist,’ said Bob, clapping him on the shoulder. ‘You might want to make a list...’

oOo

 

Zax shook his head as they approached the first proposed site.

‘No,’ said Monica. 

Rhian shook her head and walked off without saying anything.

Galen reminded himself that they were the experts and headed for the second site.

This time Zax waited until they were inside before shaking his head.

‘But you haven't seen more than the foyer,’ protested Galen, his resolution slipping.

‘It doesn't feel right,’ said Zax, heading for the door.

‘Much as it goes against the grain to agree, he's right, it doesn’t’ said Rhian.

Monica nodded her agreement.

A muscle began to jump in Galen's jaw as he set off for the third site.

‘This is pretty much the last resort,’ he said, as he unlocked the side door. ‘It's too close to the market, so noise and congestion will be a problem. Plus, it's basically a shell after the fire. And big. Far too big.’

‘Shiny,’ said Rhian, with her first real sign of enthusiasm.

They went inside.

Zax prowled around the vast space, then headed back to the door. ‘Stage, dressing-rooms, storage, auditorium, circle, balconies, foyer, box office,’ he said, pointing in one direction after another, and so fast that Galen lost track. ‘It will need a bit of work,’ he said with fine understatement, ‘but otherwise perfect.’ He left without waiting to hear what anyone else thought.

Flanked by Monica and Rhian, Galen gave them a helpless look. ‘Was he serious?’

‘I'm afraid so,’ said Monica cheerfully. ‘And it will get worse. He just assumes that everything will be done exactly as he sees it in his mind's eye. He claims he's above mundane practicalities.’

‘This is an excellent choice,’ said Rhian. ‘It's the perfect spot this close to the market, and with an exit to the Exterior for us to use only a couple of hundred yards away.’

‘Thanks,’ said Galen, deciding he had better take credit where he could find it. ‘Only there's nothing here, except four walls and a roof which could fall down at any moment.’

‘That's why it's so perfect. We can get it just as we want it,’ said Monica. ‘Except for the fact we don't have a unit to our name - or anyhthing to barter. We don't even have any of the larger props, let alone sets and flats. What are we going to do?’

‘I have money,’ said Galen. ‘Enough to build this with a little left over.’

‘We can't sponge off you,’ protested Rhian.

‘So if I didn't have money and you did?’

Monica tucked her arm in his. ‘Don't go using rational arguments on Rhian, they only annoy her. But it's a loan.’

‘Whatever,’ said Galen, without much interest. He had never stayed anywhere long enough to make it worth acquiring possessions - apart from basic clothing and weapons. ‘Now, how do I start planning what work needs doing?’

‘Get all the others down here, we can all help,’ said Monica.

‘Um, don't take this the wrong way, but Bob said to bring you two and ignore what Zax says. But you all agreed, each time...’ 

Rhian tucked a hand through the crook of his other arm. ‘With us here Zax had to make a decision. He's not an idiot, just bored by practicalities. Until something doesn't work, of course. I know he's a bit skittish. It'll be fine on the night. Now, if we measure this place out we'll be able to start making plans...’ 

 

After a day with the troupe in the empty shell of what was to be their theatre it belatedly occurred to Galen that he had not given much - any - thought to what was entailed in setting up a theatre from scratch. Forewarned by Monica and Rhian he knew better than to expect much input from Zax. The troupe were invaluable - particularly Sade, who displayed an unlooked for skill in preparing plans that everyone could understand. It took him far longer to find tradesmen capable of doing the work to the standard he required.

His organisational skills kept busy, it was a while before Galen had the time to admit that he was enjoying himself as he travelled the Maze, seeking out the best workmen and materials. After a week away, he was late in looking up as he approached the house.

There was a craven moment when he experienced the fleeting hope that perhaps it was the wrong house, the troupe obviously feeling more at home with a sunburst yellow exterior and bright blue front door. Averting his eyes, he went inside.

The front of the house should have warned him because there was no denying that the place was getting a lived-in look, although it dawned on him that it must have been happening for some time. There were three practice rooms, not counting the one Zax had made his own, a music room and a laundry. The kitchen was twice the size he remembered, with a huge table and chairs for everyone. And everywhere there was colour, whether from paint, fabrics, flowers stuck into tin cans, books, cushions, or pictures painted directly onto the wooden walls. 

Faintly piqued that his return should have generated so little interest, Galen realised that few of the troupe had even registered his absence. Finally convinced of the permanence of their new life, they were filled with a new purpose, bubbling with schemes and plans, while busy getting themselves performance fit.

But it was the noise Galen noticed the most, the bare boards proving to be excellent conductors of sound. The dancers' practice sessions were particularly trying.

‘Learn to focus. Block it out,’ said Zax, when he complained. 

He stole the last of the coffee from under Galen's nose and seated himself cross-legged on the kitchen table, where he began to juggle with four kitchen knives an absent-minded fashion. 

Galen ignored the flash and glint of the clumsily constructed cutlery and bit doggedly into the monumental sandwich he had made for himself of raw onion, tomato and bean sprouts. ‘It wouldn't be so bad if everyone played the same piece of music. How you can all work in this chaos is beyond me,’ he mumbled through his mouthful.

‘You're enjoying all of this, aren't you,’ noted Zax.

‘Did you think I wouldn't?’

‘I wasn't sure.’ Zax helped himself to the other half of Galen's sandwich and took a large bite.

‘Make your own,’ said Galen indignantly.

‘You're eating raw onion.’

‘So?’

‘So you're not coming anywhere near me unless I taste of it too.’

‘Oh. Fair enough. Want some more?’ said Galen hospitably. 

They ended up sharing another sandwich.

‘Have you got much more material to bring in?’ asked Galen, eating a few bean sprouts which had escaped.

Zax shook his head. He saw no need to burden Galen with the whole truth of where he was bringing them from. Still juggling, he gave Galen the benefit of his undivided attention.

As usual, the diversion worked.

Galen relaxed back in his chair, one knee propped against the table, and gave a lazy stretch. ‘Miss me?’ he asked, in a tone that expected a positive response.

‘Hardly at all,’ said Zax promptly.

Galen just gave a cocky grin. ‘Really? I like these trousers you're wearing. Silk? I thought so. Very sensuous.’ He rubbed a portion of fabric between his finger and thumb.

The knives Zax had been juggling thunked down in a semi-circle around the mug of coffee, which Galen had been surreptitiously edging towards himself with his free hand.

‘You must have eyes in your backside,’ said Galen, with mild chagrin, as he reached through the still quivering knives to take the mug. ‘Why don't you do something useful like make some fresh coffee?’

‘There isn't any hot water.’

‘So heat some.’

‘It doesn't taste the same when I heat it like that,’ complained Zax.

‘Then boil the water like the rest of us.’ Galen peered into the now bubbling contents of the mug and gave Zax a look of reproach.

Every sense attuned to the sunlit man sprawled at his ease, Zax said baldly, ‘I want you.’

Not wholly amazed by the change of subject, Galen considered the idea. ‘What, here?’

‘Bed's more comfortable. I want to fuck. You,’ added Zax, in case there should be any doubt. 

Galen got to his feet and held out his hand. ‘Bed it is then,’ he said.

oOo

 

Galen slept late the following day and woke to find himself alone in the disaster area that was their bed. The room smelt of sun and sex and sweat and he smiled as he inhaled the memory of past glories. Flat on his back, blissfully aware of every aching inch of his body, he stared up at the ceiling while he waited for the energy to move, a somewhat dopey expression on his face.

Aware of distant sounds of activity, he dozed and lazed, stirred into action only by hunger. He picked indiscriminately at the left-over food he found in the kitchen before setting off to find Zax, only surprised Zax possessed the energy to do anything after the night they had spent.

He paused when he saw Zax curled on a window seat. ‘I've been looking everywhere for you. I missed you.’

‘Did you?’ His knees drawn up to his chest, Zax did not look up.

Galen rubbed his chin and wondered if he had missed an earlier part of the conversation. ‘Yes. Not that I've done anything but sleep and laze. You wore me out. What have you been doing, you're filthy?’ 

‘Anike roped me in to doing some digging,’ said Zax, in the same colourless tone. He uncurled to reveal mud-stained feet and ankles, streaks of dirt adhering to his half-bare body.

‘You look as if you've brought half the garden in with you.’ Galen took a grimy hand in his own, wondering what could be wrong. ‘You're energetic, I'll say that much for you.’

Yet to meet Galen's eyes, Zax flinched. ‘I didn't intend... I needed to prove you were mine,’ he said in a rush, sounding fierce, awkward and confused.

‘I realised that. I sometimes think you spend too much time thinking. So it was a bit wild. Have you heard me complaining? Let's go back to bed. We won't have the energy for anything earth-shattering but we could have fun trying.’ Galen found this moody, mud-streaked urchin as desirable as Zax at his most autocratic.

‘You don't have to - ’ began Zax.

‘Will you pack it in?’ said Galen with exasperation. ‘As you've missed the obvious, let me spell it out for you. I enjoy being with you. I enjoy having sex with you and I'm not going to tire of that. Well, only physically.’

That practical addendum was so Galen that Zax had to smile. The result would have been enough to convince most men. Galen continued to watch him with a trace of anxiety. 

Aware of it, Zax tried to stop thinking and focussed on Galen instead. The gaping fabric of his jumpsuit revealed the marks of hands and teeth and the bruises acquired from contact with the door or wall or edge of the bed.

His smile flickering out, Zax touched an angry-looking mark with a gentle finger. ‘You look as if you've been savaged by an animal not - ’

‘ - fucked into the mattress?’ completed Galen, yet to understand the problem. 

Yesterday he had been submerged by a driven ferocity which was a facet of Zax previously only hinted at. The bedroom door had barely closed behind them when Zax had been on him, taking him without preliminaries, using him to the point of exhaustion and driving them beyond it. Sleep had been snatched only to give them the strength to go on. He had been with Zax from the first plundering touch. No one had ever needed him so absolutely and if the confusion on Zax's face was anything to go by, this intensity was just as new to him.

Ambushed by a mixture of pride and disbelief that he should have breached Zax's self-sufficiency so completely, Galen stood rooted to the spot, absorbing something known only at an intuitive level until now. Small wonder Zax looked so stunned, he conceded. It was enough to scare any sane man to realise your contentment was reliant on the well-being of someone else. Abruptly, ridiculously happy with his lot in life, Galen smiled at his love.

‘Galen!’ 

The sharp tone penetrated his happy haze and he realised he had missed whatever Zax had asked him. ‘Sorry,’ he said, sounding anything but. ‘I was thinking.’

Zax eyed him warily. ‘About what?’

‘Us yesterday. The fact I made you want me that much. Love you,’ he added, in the same matter-of-fact tone. To his intense delight, he saw colour sweep up over Zax's face and he grabbed him in an exuberant, bone-cracking hug. 

‘ _Fool_!’ he exclaimed.

‘All right, I'm convinced,’ gasped Zax, infected by Galen's contagious high spirits.

‘You're heavy,’ groaned Galen.

‘Serves you right.’ Zax leant against the support of the wall, holding Galen to him. His hard-won look of relaxation faded when he touched obvious sore spots.

‘Not again,’ groaned Galen in heartfelt tones. ‘What does it take to convince you? So I'm sore. So what?’

‘It isn't a joke,’ said Zax, withdrawing. ‘I never intended to unleash... Yes, I know now that you were with me all the way,’ he continued harshly, when Galen tried to interrupt, ‘but I didn't at the time. I didn't know anything except that I wanted. Physically those marks will fade, but mentally...’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’ said Galen with a trace of exasperation.

Zax spun away to stare out the window. His back to Galen, his voice was barely audible when he finally broke the silence which had fallen. ‘There was a time when the very idea of being touched, let alone penetrated, was enough to make you freeze and - ’

Comprehension dawning, Galen slid an arm around him. ‘You remember that?’ 

‘I'm hardly likely to forget. I don't ever want to see that expression in your eyes again, least of all because of anything I've done.’ Zax successfully flattened all emotion from his voice, wary of the power his emotions had over him. When it had been far, far too late, Galen slumped exhausted in his arms, his blazing triumph had turned to ashes, fear over-riding everything - that when Galen awoke he would see that mute, intolerable expression back in those magnificent eyes. The raw imperative to possess someone totally was new. Not understanding the intensity of the emotions roiling through him now, after all their months together, he felt off-balance and uncertain. And he resented feeling that vulnerable.

‘For a clever man you can be an idiot. I lost that fear, and the memories which kept it alive, some time ago. A green-eyed sorcerer banished them. And don't snort at me like that. It's true, if trite. For someone who claims to have no patience you found a quantity of it for me, more than I require sometimes. Which is why I enjoyed yesterday so much. Particularly since neither of us could - or would want to - sustain that level of intensity too often.’

‘I - ’

‘Shut up,’ said Galen, fierce in his turn. ‘D'you imagine I don't understand what happened yesterday? You're mine, and I know that, but sometimes...sometimes I need to prove it, if only to myself. I don't have the experience to know why, just that sometimes I love you so much I can't think of moderation.’

‘No one's ever made me feel like this,’ said Zax, in the manner of one making a clean breast of things.

‘Oh, you mean it's _my_ fault,’ said Galen, straight-faced.

His smile reaching his eyes now, Zax nodded. 

Galen groaned and hugged him close, inhaling the scents of the day in Zax's untidy hair. ‘You need a shower.’

‘You can take one with me,’ Zax offered, before he grimaced, fumbling for the right words. ‘I've never cared enough about a lover to worry about what they thought about me. Being so reliant on you...scares me,’ he said, for once telling the unvarnished truth.

‘Everything has a price.’

‘Why, I do believe... You're a romantic. Against all the odds you're a - ’

‘Gloat and you'll be sorry,’ Galen said, before he fidgetted self-consciously: ‘Is love so new to you as well?’

‘A few months ago I would have said no without a thought. There have been many lovers, taken for so many reasons - though mainly for lust.’ Zax nudged forward, so that their groins brushed. ‘With you there's so much more. It’s made me understand how I hurt some lovers in the past. I never realised what it was they wanted from me.’

‘They'll never know what they missed.’ Galen’s voice was thick with emotion.

‘You're getting maudlin,’ whispered Zax, but his expression was tender. ‘Bloody ridiculous,’ muttered Galen, embarrassed.

‘That too. But between us that doesn't matter.’ Zax judged his pause to a nicety. ‘So much.’

That made Galen grin. ‘What was it that drew you to me? In the beginning.’

‘Well it can't have been lust. You were far too domineering. That much hasn't changed,’ Zax winced when that earned him an admonitory pinch.‘Sadist.’

‘It's lucky you're so complaisant.’ Galen waited straight-faced for the double meaning to sink home,

About to rise to the bait, Zax recognised the glint in the blue eyes and murmured: ‘Whatever you say.’

‘It's a happy thought, but don't change. Too much peace makes me uneasy.’

The heat of Zax's body seemed to burn through the thin silk of his clothing, which offered tantalising glimpses of the body beneath when he moved.

‘Let's go to bed,’ said Galen.

‘Conformist.’

‘I'm not,’ denied Galen, stung.

‘Then why don't we have sex here?’ said Zax blandly.

‘Because...’ Galen glanced around, failed to find a convincing reason and gave Zax a gentle shove with his shoulder. ‘Because,’ he said firmly.

oOo

Galen strolled into the vast room they used, when in a sociable mood, and paused when he saw not only furniture which looked oddly familiar but heaped piles of books and yellowing pages.

‘Where have all these come from?’ he asked, astonished that the Maze as a whole could have contained so much printed matter.

Taruna jumped guiltily and a pile crashed down, sliding out over what clear floor space remained.

‘Hello, Galen,’ said Monica, a little too brightly. ‘We thought it would be easier to put everything in one place until we sort out shelving in some of the empty rooms.’

‘Easier for whom?’

‘Us,’ said Taruna. ‘We're sorting through these in case we find anything we can adapt for one of the shows.’

Distracted, Galen proved no more immune to the silent lure than anyone else. He sank onto his haunches and began to flick through the brittle, yellowing music sheets. While the scores meant nothing to him, some of the accompanying lyrics caught his attention and he grinned at their absurdity.

‘Where did all this come from?’ he thought to ask.

‘Zax brought them back bit by bit,’ said Sade, busy assessing illustrations in a book of costumes.

‘From where?’ asked Galen absently, his attention on one song now. 

_For I am the Master of the Revels  
And mastery demands a certain kind of style._

Zax had that all right, he thought, his smile a private thing.

‘The house on the Island,’ said Sade, oblivious to Taruna's look of warning, or the muffled groan from where Zax lay sprawled on the sofa, reading.

‘Eh?’ Galen looked up, his expression sharpening.

‘The house on the Island. When he had emptied that of everything we could use he explored that city we stayed in. He found one building that had nothing but books in it. Thousands and thousands of them. But it was the house that gave him the idea,’ said Sade. ‘It was driving Eddy crazy to think of all that music going to waste. Not to mention us when he kept going on about it. And Bob and Zax are both crazy about books. I can't imagine why.’ she said, only to turn a page and see the perfect costume. Now all she had to do was persuade Anike to make it for her out of the material Zax had brought back with him on his last trip.

The song sheet slid from Galen's nerveless fingers as he swivelled around to stare at Zax. ‘You risked your neck for this pile of junk?’ 

‘You had to go and tell him, didn't you?’ sighed Zax. ‘And we haven't argued for three whole days.’

‘It isn't funny,’ said Galen, appalled by how light-heartedly everyone was treating the episode.

‘No,’ soothed Zax, but he failed to straighten his twitching mouth in time.

Galen savagely kicked a book across the room. ‘I should put you in a collar and chain. Do you have any idea of the risks you took going back to the Island, never mind the fact you went alone? I _thought_ a lot of the furniture looked familiar.’

‘Oh, he found plenty more in the city,’ said Sade, not without malice.

Zax raised his head from the arm of the sofa, anxious to distract Galen before he could get into his stride, or realise how many trips he had made. ‘We haven't tried bondage yet,’ he mused. 

‘We won't get the chance to if you insist on putting your life in jeopardy!’

Like rats leaving a sinking ship, the others left Zax to make his peace with an irate Galen as best he could.

Once he had exacted the promise that Zax would take him with him the next time he was bitten with the urge to wander, Galen calmed enough to spend the remainder of the evening dipping into some of the books. He resurfaced to find himself the recipient of lush, open-mouthed nuzzlings. He responded to them with unerring instinct, even going so far as to put down the book.

‘I hope you don't react like this to everyone,’ mumbled Zax.

‘I haven't got the strength for anyone else.’

‘Bed?’ said Zax hopefully.

Already on his feet, Galen turned at the door when Zax added: ‘In case you'd forgotten, it's more fun when two play together. Where's the rush?’

‘Tormenting sod,’ said Galen, yanking Zax after him.

He stopped in the doorway of their room so abruptly that Zax bumped into him. ‘What the - ?’ By then Galen was laughing too much to say anything else. 

When he had sobered enough, he drifted over to the bed, stirring a hand through the assortment of articles before cocking an enquiring eyebrow at an amused looking Zax.

‘Not mine,’ he confirmed, enjoying the mixture of disbelief and speculation on Galen's face.

‘Then who - ? Sade, of course. But why would she give us these?’

‘The collar and chain were your idea. She must be worried in case our sex life is getting jaded. I'm not wearing that collar,’ Zax added with decision, when Galen unearthed the heavily studded piece of leather.

Galen swept it to the floor without regret. ‘Jaded?’ he queried.

‘Perhaps she thinks it's better to be safe than sorry.’ Zax scooped up a length of ribbon, allowing the silky stream to flutter down around his wrist and wrap itself around his upheld arm. He viewed the result with a critical eye. 

‘Somehow I can't see you in pink.’ His speculative gaze roamed over Galen, obviously considering where the ribbon should go.

 _The caller-up and caster-in of devils,_ remembered Galen, his skin prickling as he remembered another line from that song he had found. 

‘Nor can I,’ he said, with what he hoped was finality.

‘No sense of adventure,’ mourned Zax.

‘Why aren't you getting undressed?’ 

‘For one thing, it isn't essential to be naked, for another, we may think of something else we'd rather do.’

‘I wouldn't bet on it. I have no sense of adventure, remember? And that includes the thought of you going back to the Island by yourself, for any reason. Clear?’

Zax sighed, mimicked a nag and dodged the pillow tossed at him before he returned to the bed, his attention caught by the chain. Links sliding through his fingers, he wound the central portion around his throat. ‘Too heavy for everyday wear.’

‘For any day, I would have thought.’ But as he took in the picture Zax made Galen's heart was not in the denial.

‘Ah, but think of the sense of power. You, helpless beneath me, bound to my will,’ murmured the rough-soft voice of his seducer.

‘And what,’ said Galen affably, ‘makes you suppose it won't be the other way around?’

His silk shirt sliding off his shoulders, Zax subjected him to a sultry-eyed appraisal as he unfastened his trousers. Loose-fitting, they slithered to the floor in a silken puddle, leaving him bare except for the barbaric chain encircling his throat and trailing down his straight back, the other end tickling his belly as it fell past his groin. His semi-tumescence arched lazily in a soft shiver of links.

‘Move too fast and you risk damaging something important.’ Intent on unravelling the chain, portions of which were already warm from contact with Zax's body, Galen held a loop between his hands and swung the chain out to brush a hollowed flank.

Zax shivered, his prick rising.

‘Silver suits you,’ noted Galen. Without warning, he flicked the free end of the chain sharply over the unprotected jut of Zax's buttocks.

Zax flinched, his breath hissing inwards. His skin tingled, and not just from the smart of the stroke.

‘Galen?’ But he could not have explained what it was he wanted.

Moments later he was flat on his back on the mattress, staring breathlessly up at his chain-bound wrists, where they had been fastened to the bedstead. An unused portion of chain trailed over his torso, cool against his heated flesh. A lick of anticipation shivered across his skin, raising fine body hair, as he recognised the predatory gleam in the slitted blue eyes. Once, he remembered, his pulse thumping in his ears, Bob had called Galen a hunter. Tonight he was Galen's prey.

Already naked, his sex arrogantly stirred to life by their tussle, Galen prowled around the bed, feasting on the man bound in place, aware that Zax was tracking his every move with just enough wariness to be gratifying. He crouched at the head of the bed. 

‘Think,’ he murmured in a throaty purr, ‘of the sense of power, you spread out before me. Tonight you're mine.’

Bisected by gleaming silver, his arms bound above his head, Zax met that challenge, his own eyes heavy and brilliant with sexual heat. ‘Perhaps.’ 

He drew on his gathered strength in one convulsive movement. The chain held, links tightening cruelly over flesh and bone as he discovered his inability to free himself. He relaxed with a soft jangle of metal to stare thoughtfully from the sturdy metal bedstead to Galen, feeling the sweet tension grow.

Galen brushed some hair from Zax's face with a delicate finger. ‘Definitely,’ he promised.

Zax's betraying body twitched in response to Galen's proximity, his senses swimming with the scent and heat of him. Shadowed by the mellow gold of the lamp, Galen's familiar planes and curves seemed subtly changed. Confined as he was, Zax became overwhelmingly aware of the sheer power of the man poised above him, the rich darkness of the luxuriant hair at Galen's groin almost shocking in contrast to the blue-veined ivory of his lower belly and the blood-engorged strength of him. 

Galen stroked himself fully erect with a knowing ease, his heavy-lidded gaze remaining on Zax. Only his accelerated breathing betrayed him.

‘Come here,’ commanded Zax, as hungry for the taste and feel of him as if he had never known it. He tried to move. Metal clanged against metal, reminding him of his fettered state, and he made a sound of frustration.

Ruthless hands closed around his ankles, jerking him back down, before Galen was upon him, using his weight to pin Zax before he thought to retaliate and swiftly binding his legs at the knees with the plaited leash. 

‘No demands. You're hardly in a position to enforce them,’ Galen reminded him.

He rode out Zax's struggles with ease, then just sat, studying the shadow-lit face. Tonight it contained no mystery, Zax's wishes clear. His unveiled eyes brilliant in his tanned face, the tangled mane of his sun-lightened hair reflected amber and chestnut where it fell, thick and strong, over the prominent bones at the base of his throat. His biceps were starkly defined by the pull on his bound arms, his spread body thrown into sharp relief by the pristine white sheet. He was a symphony in tones of brown, save for the taut nipples and mute arch of his prick, which seemed all the more impressive on that narrow-hipped frame.

Galen could have eaten him: planned to at some point.

Zax reluctantly relaxed bunched muscles and accepted that he lacked the necessary leverage to dislodge Galen. His mouth thinned when Galen made no further attempt to touch him.

‘You're just going to sit and watch me?’

In no hurry, Galen visibly considered the question, then smiled. ‘That's right.’

‘All night?’ Zax's voice cracked, unnerved by Galen's untypical control. Yet he was held fast as much by the dark power Galen was exuding as by the chains binding him. A runnel of sweat slipped over his damaged cheekbone.

Not yet, Galen reminded himself, resisting the urge to lick it away.

‘Galen!’ Zax's voice cracked.

‘I might, if I want. Tonight you're mine,’ Galen repeated silkily. He swooped forward to offer a lick-kiss to the glistening head of Zax's prick before straightening once more.

That teasing swipe earned him an impotent growl of frustration, but no demands, Zax ceding control. Galen noted the agitated rise and fall of the defined rib cage. Unable to resist the soft-haired lure any longer, he caressed the sprawled body from neck to knee in one proprietorial sweep, feeling muscles contract under his hand, the ultra-sensitive prick twitch blindly.

‘Keen,’ he noted. He paused to trace it from root to tip, the tender skin sheathing burning steel, seeming far hotter than his palm as he ringed his prize in a too brief caress. He grazed the small aperture with the pad of his thumb.

Zax bucked and twisted, a choked obscenity escaping him when Galen did it again.

‘I thought you might enjoy that.’ Galen flicked out his tongue to taste the glistening fluid on his thumb. Knowing Zax, he offered an identical caress to his own body. His breathing erratic, he again licked his damp thumb and fought the temptation to come over Zax.

‘ _Galen_!’

‘Yes.’ A dark eyebrow rose in polite query.

‘You prick-teasing b-bastard.’ His voice ragged, Zax bit his lower lip. ‘I can't even touch you.’ The knowledge did not stop him from trying. His struggle was short-lived, leaving sweat glistening on his face and throat.

‘That is a pity,’ Galen conceded, as if there had been no minor upheaval. He let his fingertips drift lightly over the rapidly rising rib cage as Zax tried to recover the breath to resume his struggle to free himself. ‘I, on the other hand, am free to do just as I like with you. To touch you where and when and how it pleases me to. Before I'm finished I'll know every inch of you. Then, if you can still speak...’

Or if I can, he admitted privately, wondering if he would be able to stay the course. But there was an addictive pleasure in knowing he was the centre of Zax's world, if only for the sweet release it was within his power to bestow.

Wary now, Zax watched as Galen reached down beside the bed to produce two lengths of silken ribbon. ‘What the - ?’

Galen untied Zax's knees, while keeping a firm grip on one ankle. After a short struggle Zax was spread across the bed, his ankles fastened to each corner of the footboard by silken bonds which proved as impossible to break as the chain, although they were long enough to leave him with more movement than Galen had anticipated. When Galen bent his head, to kiss him, Zax bared his teeth.

‘I wouldn't advise it,’ said Galen. ‘I bite too.’

He bent to prove as much, his teeth grazing a small nipple. That contact, just as much as the sounds Zax made, was almost his undoing, making a nonsense of his plan. He withdrew abruptly, taking several calming breaths as he waited for the pulsing demands of his own body to ease.

‘You're going to kill me, you know that,’ gasped Zax, recognising the reason for the delay with despair. He blinked sweat from his eyes.

‘At least you'll die happy.’ Galen nuzzled the tempting display at Zax's groin. ‘This side first, I think. But from the top.’ 

Zax gave a groan of despair.

‘In a hurry, are we?’ asked Galen, before he began his assault in earnest. He sucked the strong throat, tracing the hollows of the collar bone with the tip of his tongue, tasting salt and Zax and want before travelling downwards. He lingered for some time over the tautly straining nipples, making Zax buck and whimper, offering warning scrapes of his teeth when the body beneath him reacted too violently.

His head thrown back, the tendons of his throat rigid, Zax was trembling, every nerve end screaming for release.

He went wild when Galen slipped his tongue tip into the complexities of his navel, before sucking his belly.

Lost in a world of sensation, drunk on the scent and taste and sounds, Galen was engrossed in his possessive journey of discovery. He rubbed his face against the flat belly and press of a hipbone, careless of the marks his stubbled cheek left in its wake. His busy tongue slid everywhere - from the sensitive inner thigh to nuzzle the taut-drawn testicles, licking behind them and making Zax cry out. He buried his face in a riot of crisp auburn hair, licking the glistening threads of liquid caught amongst them, unsure whether they came from Zax or himself.

By the time he was done it would not matter.

His hair teased the blatantly seeking erection before he took in the glistening head, offering a swirling caress and darting away again. Half-pinning the fettered and incoherent man beneath him, he fed his drugged senses, licking, sucking, nipping and nuzzling every crevice, fold, hollow and plane.

Zax heard only the thunder of blood in his ears. Lust-blind, the insistent gathering built and rebuilt to an intolerable level until he thought he must explode. Desperate for release from the intolerable pressure screaming through him, he wrenched down on the chain links. The bedstead groaned as it suffered his manic strength, groaned, but held.

One leg twisted crookedly, rasping for non-existent air, Zax finally surrendered, all pleasure lost to racking pain. ‘ _P-please_ ,’ he whispered hoarsely, pressing his sweating face against the rigid muscles of his outstretched arm.

It was his stillness rather than his tortured whisper which penetrated Galen's lust-induced haze. His eyes clearing, he looked up and wiped back the sweat-tangled hair with an unsteady hand.

‘P-please,’ Zax whispered again, his face twisted. ‘L-let me come. I can't... _Please_ ,’ he repeated. There was blood on his chin where he had bitten his lower lip.

He groaned when Galen slid away from him, moisture seeping from the corners of his eyes. He heard a tearing rasp as a knife severed the bonds at his ankles, freeing his legs. Then Galen was upon him, urgent and ungentle. His legs were thrust back, fingers probing the entrance to his body. Bent double, and balanced almost entirely by his strained shoulders, Zax still fought to drag him closer, so that when Galen thrust home in one burning stroke he found himself slamming deeper than he had intended.

Even that did not stop Zax's mindless drive for release, he was beyond stopping. Battling sweatily, they found a brutal, awkward rhythm of sheer power, the push and pull of their joining a sweaty, brutal affair. It wrenched a hoarse cry from Zax, just before Galen yelled out his name and came.

Time stopped.

His back a heaving bow, his palms flat on the mattress now, supporting his weight, Galen hung limply over Zax's crumpled body, unable to move or to speak or to hear. Eventually he was able to ease free from his tight sheath. His head drooping with exhaustion, he did not notice Zax wince. A drop of sweat slid from the bridge of his nose onto Zax's chest.

Zax opened his eyes in time to recognise Galen's plight and he rubbed a sweat-slick flank with his knee, that the only caress open to him, lying as he was at the full extent of the chain binding him.

‘Yeah,’ gasped Galen, as if Zax had spoken. He managed to focus, then offered a weak attempt at a smile before he rolled onto his back beside Zax, exhaustion washing over him.

Chain links shivered as Zax turned his head, then was still, his face twisting with pain. No longer dominated by the imperative to rut, he was swamped by discomfort, from the burn in his arse to the pain running from his wrists to the small of his back as abused muscles cramped from the strains imposed on them. He tried to ease himself up the mattress and gasped when a wicked spasm rippled down his back, locking one shoulder and knotting his side.

Galen was abruptly alert; he carefully eased Zax up the bed, immediately reducing the strain on his shoulders.

‘Not one of my better ideas,’ he muttered, when he saw the threads of drying blood trickling down from the lacerated wrists. He began to knead knotted muscles and little by little Zax dared to move again.

‘Oh, that's better. Oh, there, just there.’ Zax's fingers curled into his palm as a warm tongue lapped the abused flesh of his wrist, pleasure unfurling even above the protests of his body. He made another soft sound and Galen's mouth settled over his own with a loving certainty.

‘Are you all right?’ asked Galen at last. ‘I didn't intend to - I pushed us too near the edge.’

‘I noticed,’ said Zax, with a slanting grin.

‘I wanted to know every inch of you.’

‘You will,’ Zax promised. 

‘You have the energy?’ asked Galen, release having done little more than scratch a persistent itch.

‘Well, I would say no but you're a persistent bastard when you put your mind to it. If need be I'll catch up with you.’

‘I could eat you,’ said Galen, snuffling down Zax's body. He tensed when he saw the trace of blood on the sheet. ‘Oh, no...’

‘Stop panicking. It's from my wrists. I'm sore, nothing more serious.’

‘Turn over.’

‘I don't think I can. Not like this.’

Galen moved to investigate.

Aware of the stirring flesh brushing his chest, Zax gave a welcoming wriggle against Galen, sensation travelling from nipple to groin. Vastly cheered by this sign of life in his battered body, he beamed. He just had time to give an approving lick when Galen rose above him, struggling to unfasten the chains.

Galen's efforts to concentrate were sabotaged by the mouth nuzzling the hollow of his back. When Zax tongued the cleft of his buttocks Galen only saved himself from an ignominious fall by clutching the bedstead.

‘Will you just...? I can't concentrate when you do that. This chain's caught.’

‘I thought it might be.’ A saintly expression sitting ill on his satyr's face, Zax did his best to ignore the various portions of Galen brushing against him while Galen struggled to unfasten the tangled links; several were misshapen from the pressure to which they had been subjected. The bedstead was bent.

Eventually Galen managed to free Zax's still joined wrists and gently lowered them, sinking down beside him when he heard the sound Zax made. ‘What is it?’

‘Nothing,’ said Zax shortly. Merciful numbness was a thing of the past as blood pounded back into his hands. ‘Fuck it,’ he muttered, resting his forehead against Galen until the worst should be over.

Aware that the price of his pleasure had been too high, Galen held him close, desire overtaken by guilt.

‘My fingers look like sausages,’ said Zax, some time later. He caught sight of Galen's expression and clumsily ruffled the dark hair. ‘Stop looking so anguished. It isn't your fault I tried to bend metal the hard way.’ His wrists still fastened together, he tucked his arms over Galen's head. ‘If I'd had any objections I could have freed myself with a snap of my fingers.’ He felt it best not to add that Galen had left him incapable of that kind of focus. ‘Anyway, we both know you don't need chains to keep me in your bed. I don't object to being helpless before you. I even enjoy it, on occasion. This was one hell of a turn on. The only thing I didn't like was the fact I couldn't touch you. I love touching you. You've got wonderful skin.’

Convinced, Galen kissed him again. ‘You should be asleep.’

‘Not a chance,’ said Zax, aware of the insistent nudge of Galen's erection brushing his inner thigh where they sat entwined.

‘I want you,’ Galen blurted out, obscurely ashamed by the insistence of his desire.

‘You've got me. Just tell me how you want to do this.’ 

Galen's expression answered for him and Zax gave a wicked grin. ‘Yeah. A long slow fuck gets my vote too. I was too busy getting my rocks off to enjoy having you in me. How do you want me?’

‘Me, covering you.’

‘Ah, nice. Then let me turn over.’ Zax brushed Galen aside when he tried to unfasten his still-bound wrists. ‘Leave them for now.’

He kissed and nipped his way down Galen's torso, playing with the pink nipples and the ticklish spot just left of his navel, before pausing at his genitals to mouth the tempting plumpness of Galen's balls. The change in Galen's breathing told him when to stop.

‘That will have to last me,’ Zax murmured, with one final kiss. He gathered up the length of chain and fastened it around a lower portion of the bedstead, a little clumsy because of his bound hands.

Galen broke his silence. ‘You don't have to - ’

Zax kissed his shoulder and carried on with what he was doing. ‘That's the whole point. Sometimes - not often - it pleases me most to please you. Make the most of my complaisance.’

‘I will,’ said Galen fervently.

With an elegant wriggle and a soft jangling Zax settled himself face down on the mattress and spread himself across the bed, his firm, brown flesh temptation enough to make Galen's mouth water. He slid an exploratory finger from the nape of the neck to the sharp press of the tail bone, nuzzling it moistly and making Zax shiver.

‘Mmm...close.’

‘That's about as close as I'm going to get. You could take my fingerprints from the bruises springing up on your arse - and given that I didn't use any lubricant you're too sore for a fuck to be any fun.’

‘Balls.’

Galen investigated further, his minute inspection eliciting some odd noises from the head of the bed. ‘No, they're fine,’ he said, unnecessarily.

‘Bastard,’ gasped Zax. ‘Look, I know tonight is yours but I really want this, you inside me, as close as we can get for as long as we can last. I'm really not that sore. It will be fine.’

‘And if it isn't?’

‘Then it will still be all right.’ Zax turned to stare over his shoulder at Galen. ‘Please,’ he added.

It was rare for Zax to ask for anything. The soft note of longing in his voice, together with the open vulnerability of his face, undid Galen's shaky resolve. Desire did the rest.

‘You're shameless,’ he said indulgently, running his palms up and down the relaxed lines of Zax's spine.

‘Does that mean yes?’

‘I expect so.’

Side-tracked by the tender skin at the nape of Zax's neck, Galen nibbled and licked his way down the sinuous back, sliding over the rise of the beautiful rump to plant a light kiss on the left cheek. ‘Back in a minute,’ he promised, leaving the bed while he still could.

Before Zax could protest he had returned.

‘What's that?’ asked Zax with suspicion.

‘Antiseptic lubricant for inside, oil for outside.’

‘I'll slip out of your hands,’ said Zax, already subsiding.

‘It isn't my hands you need to worry about.’

Worry was obviously the last emotion present on the face half turned to him. ‘Bob will kill you if you've pinched his oil again.’ Zax gave another small wriggle that made Galen forget his train of thought for several seconds.

‘I bought it. What d'you think?’ He held out the phial. ‘It's sandalwood.’

Zax sneezed wetly, then licked Galen's wrist dry again.

‘You're disgusting,’ said Galen fondly, puddling a small quantity of oil at the base of Zax's neck before he slowly began to work on the knotted muscles. 

Reduced to a boneless heap of bliss, Zax moaned softly as he was reformed and remade by the skill of Galen's hands.

Satisfied that the last trace of cramp had been banished, Galen palmed the firm, sweet flesh of the parted buttocks, wiped the last of the oil from his hands to the sheet and reached for the antiseptic lubricant. He squeezed a quantity along the cleft, watching as the heat of Zax's body did the rest.

Zax sighed as the sensual trail slid down him, leaving him slick, slippery and turned on.

Galen took another measure of the cream and began to tease the entrance to Zax's body, knowing that whatever Zax claimed, he was sore. He rubbed coaxingly, pressing inwards, relieved to find no sign of damage or discomfort to the body that so obviously wanted him, Zax having to adjust his position to accommodate his erection.

Slick with cream and lush with love, Zax felt as if his bones had dissolved, destroyed by the slow movements of Galen's fingers. Galen murmured something, hands encouraging him onto his knees and supporting him for the first delicious contact of the blunt head brushing his testicles and buttocks before Galen centred himself and eased into him.

Sharp, unconsidered pain made Zax tense, sucking in his breath, and Galen stopped, obviously about to withdraw.

‘Stay,’ Zax gasped. ‘Just give me a moment.’

‘Ssh. I will. It's fine,’ said Galen, his voice giving no hint of what the delay cost him.

Zax rocked back infinitesimally, while Galen nuzzled his spine, a slippery hand sliding round to his prick. They rocked together as Galen sank deeper. Pleasure far outweighing discomfort, Zax pushed back encouragingly.

‘Yeah. It's...’

Then Galen grazed his prostate and Zax's breathing stuttered and restarted, coherent thought driven further from his head with each long, deep stroke until nothing else existed in his world.

 

 

Zax was not conscious of much at all for some time. He finally resurfaced to hear breathless laughter in his ear.

‘You said something about a slower gear?’ said Galen.

‘How was I supposed to know what you were going to do?’ Exhaustion swamping him, Zax found it difficult to coordinate his speech.

‘You mean you didn't even guess?’ Galen eased Zax's inert weight into a more comfortable position for them both.

Zax was already asleep.

His own eyes heavy, Galen struggled with the knotted and bent chain until finally Zax was free, wiped him clean with a damp cloth and applied the last of the antiseptic cream to his lacerated wrists. He eased onto the bed and drew the sheet over them both. Zax did not twitch. Galen kissed him on the ear, fondly noting the half-open mouth and faint snores. He was still smiling when he fell asleep himself.


	20. Chapter 20

Galen cursed the sunlight streaming through the windows and their lack of forethought for failing to think of closing the shutters. He buried his face in the pillow but the insistent pressure of his bladder kept unconsciousness at bay. He eased free of the hot tangle of Zax's embrace and staggered on unsteady legs into the bathroom. One glance in the mirror was enough to convince him that he looked much as he felt. Complacent, he stepped under the shower and began to whistle happily.

Bathed and dressed he wandered back into the bedroom to smile fondly at the sleeper. Sprawled across two-thirds of the mattress, with only one foot and a tousled head of hair visible under the sheet, Zax's upraised rump offered an engaging target. His better nature prevailing, Galen left him to enjoy the sleep of the just and thoroughly fucked while he went in search of sustenance for the inner man.

‘About time!’ Eddy offered ironic applause when he entered the kitchen. ‘I thought we were goin' to check out the lighting and sound systems first thing.’

‘Were we?’ Galen looked vacant, having forgotten the theatre's very existence.

‘Yes, we bloody well were.’ Eddy took his first good look at the man drooping in front of him and much of his irritation dissolved. He poured out coffee and pushed the mug over to Galen. ‘I suppose you're hungry as well?’

‘Starving.’

‘I'll spoil you this once. Eggs do you?’

‘It's not my turn for one.’

‘You can swop with me. You look like you could use the protein.’ Eddy deftly set preparations underway for the only meal he could cook without burning. He let Galen take another sip of coffee before beginning his interrogation. ‘So what kept you?’

‘This and that.’ Galen swallowed a yawn.

‘Where's Zax?’ asked Taruna, taking over from Eddy.

‘Asleep.’ Galen nudged his now empty mug forward with more hope than expectation.

‘Aha.’ Eddy placed a plate in front of Galen, while Taruna refilled his mug.

‘All this gardening is ruining my nails,’ said Rhian as she came into the room and headed for the sink. ‘Why are the pair of you waiting on Galen?’

‘For the sweetness of my smile,’ he mumbled, his mouth full. He betrayed his drowsy state when he failed to avoid her swipe to the back of his head. ‘That hurt!’

‘It was supposed to. And don't exaggerate,’ added Rhian, with a tart lack of sympathy. ‘We were up at the crack of dawn to make sure we'd be ready for you. In case you haven't noticed, it will soon be dark. What have you been doing?’

Galen sought a plausible lie and was saved when the door opened to reveal Zax propped limply in the doorway, a mute illustration to the saying that every picture tells a story.

‘Strewth, you look...’ Eddy faded into a tactful silence.

‘Morning. Or is it afternoon?’ Zax blinked owlishly in the brilliant light assaulting him.

‘It's damn nearly evening. You're late,’ said Sade.

‘Blame Galen,’ said Zax with sunny-tempered irresponsibility. His sleepy air of contentment drew all eyes to him even before he pushed himself from the much-needed support of the door jamb. Walking with considerable caution he made it to the chair closest to Galen and sank down with care. Stretching out his legs, his head back against the carved headrest, he closed his eyes. Damp from the shower, bare-foot and wearing only a voluminous bleached cotton robe loosely tied at the waist, he looked dishevelled, disreputable and over-used; he was exuding sex-appeal like a scent.

Galen gave Zax his mug. ‘Drink that. We were supposed to check the electrics first thing this morning. We're in disgrace.’

‘You can't honestly think I've got the energy left to care?’ Zax drenched him in large-eyed amazement, and something else which left Galen feeling soft and silly and romantic, knowing beyond question or doubt that he was loved.

Then, because Galen was sitting there with his heart in his eyes, Zax straightened where he sat, deliberately drawing attention from Galen to himself.

‘Have you got a cigarette, Eddy?’ He held out an expectant hand and nodded his thanks when, after a long-suffering sigh, Eddy lit and passed him one.

‘Galen must have given you the works.’ Sade's speculative gaze moving between the two men.

‘That's our business,’ said Galen, without much hope that anyone would take any notice of the snub.

Sade pushed up the loose sleeve of the robe Zax was wearing and smiled knowingly when she saw the state of his wrist. ‘It looks as if you earned that cigarette,’ she murmured, allowing the fabric to slip back into place.

‘At least two,’ said Galen, before he realised what he had said and looked self-conscious.

‘That good, huh?’

‘I'm always good,’ said Zax. Then Galen smiled at him and he realised that it was _his_ privacy Galen was trying to protect.

‘Are we to understand that you made use of Sade's presents?’ Rhian was beginning to think there was more than a few hours of good sex behind the relaxed happiness both men were exuding.

‘Is there no such thing as privacy?’ Galen looked self-conscious but pleased when Rhian darted over to kiss him before she helped herself to fruit from the bowl.

‘With this lot? Oh, food. I'm starving.’ Zax leant forward and helped himself to one of the peaches Rhian had taken, biting into it with gusto. ‘Very succulent,’ he said with obvious relish. He swiped up juice with a flick of his tongue before he demolished the fruit in four more bites.

‘Practice makes perfect,’ said Galen.

‘Oh, I'll practice,’ Zax promised him, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked the stone clean of flesh. ‘I owe you something for last night. I think I lost the ability to speak for a while.’

‘See?’ Sade said to Eddy. ‘Now will you think about trying - ?’

‘I've got really delicate skin,’ Eddy whined.

‘You're exhausted,’ Galen murmured to Zax, his fingers twining in the hair which was starting to fluff out as it dried in the heat.

Zax licked his fingers clean, wickedly making a production of it when he saw he had Galen's full attention. ‘What did you expect?’ His face tightened as he tried to find a position of comfort on the chair, but he interrupted whatever Galen had intended to say. ‘Do you remember that lecture you gave me the other day?’

Galen pulled a face but said nothing.

‘What lecture was that?’ asked Eddy.

‘That's not our business,’ said Taruna. ‘We've wasted enough time waiting for them. I say we enjoy ourselves.’

‘I was going down to the Music Complex.’ Eddy sighed, knowing it was a lost cause when he saw the determined glint in Rhian's eyes.

‘You still can, if you've got the energy after we've finished with you,’ she promised him. ‘Why are you looking so worried?’

‘Because I've got him as a horrible example of what excess can do to a bloke.’ Eddy nodded in Zax's direction. ‘What've you got in mind? I like watching,’ he added, brightening.

Sade tapped Zax on the shoulder. ‘Can we borrow that stuff back again?’

Eddy gave a moan of anguish and as he was dragged off to meet his fate could be heard grumbling, ‘What if I get metal rash?’

‘You should have warned him off,’ said Galen.

‘He's in for the time of his life. I'd envy him, if I had the strength.’

‘You didn't enjoy it at the time.’

‘What?’ Bewildered, Zax stared at him.

Galen made a sound of impatience and brushed back the over-long sleeve of Zax's robe. ‘Does this look like a man who enjoyed himself?’

‘Oh, come here. And you thought I was making a fuss the other day,’ said Zax indulgently. He turned his face into the hand extended to him, kissing the inside of Galen's wrist.

‘If there's nothing wrong why can't you even sit in that chair without wincing?’

‘Because I must have pulled every muscle in my back while I was trying to get to you. I wouldn't change a thing. Well...’ Zax gave the wickedest grin. ‘Maybe one or two...’

Galen did his best not to look self-conscious.

‘So, what shall we do with what's left of the day?’ added Zax more briskly. ‘Sleep gets my vote. Preferably out in the sun with you as my pillow.’

When Zax got to his feet, grimaced and paused, Galen unfastened the tie of his robe, drawing aside the material. The bleached fabric slipped down the bared, brown body to puddle at Zax's feet. Galen gently turned him, touching the marked skin with gentle fingers before he helped Zax back into the robe, colouring when he met the amused understanding on Zax's face.

‘I wasn't going to say it,’ Galen protested.

‘Of course you weren't. I need sustenance, that peach just whetted my appetite.’

Galen foraged for bread, lentil paté, tomatoes and fruit, tucking them in a canvas bag with a flask of water. The bag slung over one shoulder, he held out his hand.

‘That's a bit formal, isn't it,’ said Zax. He cupped Galen's buttocks, indulging in some lazy frottage, before his gaze lost focus as he concentrated.

Anike gave a piercing shriek when they appeared no more than a yard away from her. ‘Damn it, if you've flattened any of the plants I've just weeded I'll kill you,’ she promised them ferociously. She looked very hot.

Already in retreat, they apologised meekly and picked their way through the rows until they reached untilled soil, aware of her eyes boring into them the entire time.

‘They're growing well,’ said Zax ingratiatingly. He did not make the mistake of pretending he knew what he was looking at.

‘All the more reason for you _not_ to transfer out here again,’ she said, feeling tired and grubby and irritated with Bob, who had got out of doing any work again.

‘I'll be careful.’

‘See that you are. And that irrigation system of yours still isn't working properly. You promised to see to it. Which shows what your promises are worth!’ She stalked off.

Zax looked pensive, before his expression brightened. ‘It was your fault for distracting me.’

‘No change there then. Why did you transfer us?’ added Galen, as they strolled down to the spot by the river they were making their own. ‘We could have walked.’

‘Did you enjoy the trip this time?’

‘I still didn't notice it,’ Galen admitted sheepishly. ‘One moment I was there, the next I was here. No good way to describe it,’

‘I did tell you that,’ Zax reminded him.

‘You really think now is the time to be a smart arse?’

‘I'm relying on your good nature.’ Zax cocked his head slightly, his narrowed eyes heavy with the wanting.

‘You're shameless,’ sighed Galen.

‘Just so long as it works,’ said Zax, as they settled themselves in the dappled shade cast by the Osmanthus trees.

‘I can't believe I never noticed how beautiful it is here until you all arrived. Or that it took Sade to point out that some of those mountains look like green pricks,’ mused Galen.

‘Trust her to notice that. Though they do, particularly that one over there, with the pronounced head. It's wonderful here,’ Zax added dreamily. ‘There's a part of me that keeps wondering when I'm going to wake up and find I'm still...’ He shrugged and fell silent, a pensive set to his down bent face.

‘No one would fantasise about digging,’ said Galen, coming to his rescue.

‘I think Anike does,’ said Zax, his expression lighting. ‘Here, have some more food before I eat the lot.’

‘We'll share it,’ said Galen predictably.

 

They were woken by the rain, which drove them back to the house, giggling like children. Hand in hand, they stumbled over the uneven terrain, heedless in the dark of the tracks they left through Anike's vegetable plot.

When she discovered the damage she woke them just after dawn and drove them outside to save as many plants as possible before the heat of the day could kill them off. When the others sleepily emerged to jeer at the two novice market gardeners they found themselves roped in, until everyone was hard at work under Anike's critical eye.

‘She's a monster,’ groaned Zax, that evening. ‘I've got a whole new set of aches, with absolutely none of the pleasure.’

‘There has to be an easier way of growing food,’ complained Eddy, from where he lay on the floor, his head in Monica's lap. His nose was bright pink from the sun.

‘You like to eat the results, don't you,’ said Anike, unmoved.

‘Yeah, but - ’

‘But nothing,’ said Rhian with decision. ‘It's share and share alike and that includes the hard work. Which reminds me, I'm starving and it's Zax's turn to cook tonight.’

‘Fried Anike,’ he said dreamily, eyeing her blonde length with a speculative eye. ‘Roast Anike, grilled...’

‘With or without vegetables?’ she asked.

Zax sighed and went into the kitchen. But he had the sense to take Galen with him.

‘Why am I being punished too?’ Galen thought to ask some time later, as he mashed cooked chickpeas and garlic into a puree.

‘Some people think watching me is a pleasure,’ said Zax.

‘And when the novelty wears off?’

‘For that you can do the onions.’  
oOo

Draped across the table top, Bob tracked Zax's energetic passage around the stage with increasing irritation. While the theatre was not ready to open, work inevitably having taken longer than promised, the building was habitable and they were ready and eager to start rehearsing the new shows. The only hitch was Zax, whose only preparation consisted of the odd bit of juggling. He spent most of his time with his nose in a book, helping Anike, Monica and Rhian learn to read, and gardening for Anike when he ran out of excuses to avoid it. Whenever anyone mentioned rehearsals Zax either found a way to change the subject, or he disappeared.

Despite Eddy's warnings to be patient with him, Bob had had enough. ‘I've finally worked out what's wrong,’ he said, into what had been a lengthy silence.

‘Wrong?’ Zax turned in a nervy swirl of silk, very much on the defensive. ‘With what?’

‘You. The trouble is, you think you're a genius at everything - you who can't pick up a hammer without dropping it on your toe.’

‘Can you create automatons?’ retorted Zax, stung.

‘I've never wanted to, but if the urge comes over me I'll know who to come to. High-tec and magic are one thing, watching you try to hammer a nail into a piece of wood another.’

‘Bloody right,’ said Eddy, as he emerged from his cramped booth to clamber up onto the stage. ‘And you can take that look off your face,’ he told Zax, in no mood for another display of temperament. ‘Who short-circuited the lights yesterday?’

‘Who's been keeping them going ever since?’

‘There was no need for you to fiddle with them in the first place. Stick to what you do best and stop trying to drive the rest of us crazy. We've got a manager to look after the practical side of things and he's doing a bloody good job of it.’

‘When he's here.’ The line between Zax's eyes deepened. Galen's absence on the Controller's business for the last two weeks was a sore point.

‘You can't blame him for that landslide. It's natural they'd want all the expert help they can get for the rescue work. Anyway, if it wasn't for him we wouldn't be standing in the theatre arguing the toss, would we? Speakin' of which, isn't she beautiful?’ Eddy flung out his arms with proprietorial pride and beamed, not least because the acoustics were the best he had ever known.

Silence greeted his burst of enthusiasm. Bob moodily contemplated his swinging feet, Zax staring at Eddy as if he had sprouted a second head.

‘What's wrong?’ said Eddy kindly. ‘We're so rested we're almost comatose. We can't keep sponging off Galen, it's time we started to earn our keep. We need to talk about the format of the show. We don't know what you're going to be doing, or what songs you want. Or are you planning to surprise us on the night?’

‘What night?’ said Bob sourly. ‘We're no closer to getting a show together now than we were when we arrived in China.’ He turned to Zax. ‘If you've decided to change occupations, tell us so we can make alternative arrangements.’ He recognised his mistake too late.

‘Why? Do you have my replacement waiting in the wings? Or do you suppose your presence will be enough to fill the theatre night after night?’

‘You're forgetting the girls.’ This Zax at his most objectionable, Bob clung to the remnants of his temper.

‘Oh, the girls. Right. The Silent Dance will have the crowds flocking in.’ Zax performed a few steps, his face a study of clenched-lipped concentration, his movements a cruel parody of Monica. He paused mid-step, eyebrows raised in theatrical query. ‘Like so?’

‘You bastard!’ Eddy's chair screeched across the bare boards as he launched to his feet. ‘You weren't so bloody superior when you needed her help. But that's different, I suppose?’

‘Calm down, man. You know what he's like when he's in this mood.’ Bob held Eddy until he felt him relax. ‘All right?’ he asked affectionately, touching Eddy's cheek with his knuckles.

Still flushed, Eddy nodded. His shoulders defensively hunched, he wandered away to fiddle with the paraphernalia scattered across the table top.

Caught in Zax's malicious gaze, Bob said: ‘Do you want to get rid of us? Is that what this is about?’

‘Of course not,’ said Zax, disconcerted into telling the truth.

‘Why not? Why do you keep us with you? As you pointed out, we're not the ones the people come to see.’ Bob almost managed to keep the sting of that observation from his voice.

‘How the fuck should I know? Because I can't be bothered to go through the auditions again, I suppose.’ Zax rubbed the back of his neck, as if trying to relieve tension.

There was a blank silence.

‘I bet you never thought of that,’ Eddy said to Bob, ‘Zax bein' so patient and all.’ It was typical that, knowing himself to be in the wrong, Zax tried to bluff his way out of it, not caring who he hurt - until it was too late. 

Eddy righted the chair he had knocked over and settled down to study him. ‘Stop posing and give me a cigarette, I've run out. One might sweeten your temper while you're at it..’

For a moment Bob thought Eddy had misjudged it, then a cigarette flicked into view and was handed over. Eddy took it with a nod of thanks, his attention remaining on Zax's restlessly pacing figure.

Zax came to an abrupt standstill, produced a heaped handful of unlit cigarettes and deposited them in Eddy's lap. ‘Enough?’

‘For now.’ Eddy stashed them away in the various pockets adorning his shirt. ‘I'm glad you realise why I put up with your rotten moods. I always saw myself as a freeloader.’

‘Oh, for - !’ Biting off whatever he had been about to say, Zax kicked moodily at a scrap of lace. ‘I was talking rubbish,’ he said finally, failing to meet their eyes. ‘Of course the audiences come to see everyone. We've all had the groupies to prove it. I was just...’ He waved a hand vaguely.

‘Then you want to go ahead with the show?’ said Bob.

Zax hunched his shoulders, as if trying to ward off the subject.

‘How about having a run-through tomorrow? See how things work?’ suggested Eddy.

‘And if they don't?’ said Zax.

‘Then we try again,’ said Galen from the wings, before he came out to join them, an atmosphere of angry frustration accompanying him. ‘It's only a couple of hours entertainment you're talking about, not a matter of life and death.’ 

The latter was a subject which had been much on his mind recently. Bitter and disillusioned about the reactions of the survivors of the flood, which had followed the landslide, he had no patience left for those who were sheltered from the harsher realities of life.

‘So why was I brought here?’ There was nothing in Zax’s manner to suggest he had missed Galen.

‘To entertain, I thought. In case it's escaped your notice it's mid-summer and you haven't started to yet,’ said Galen.

‘Bob, are those sign boards ready?’ asked Zax.

‘Considering you only mentioned them to Sade yesterday, no, of course they're not.’

‘Then we open tonight without them.’

Bob and Eddy's protests came in vociferous unison.

‘Why not?’ countered Zax, when they ran out of breath. ‘As Galen delights in reminding us, it's only a fleeting diversion we offer, soon forgotten.’

‘It won't be if we go on without any rehearsal,’ said Eddy.

‘It'll be a fucking disaster,’ added Bob.

‘Why should it be?’ asked Zax arrogantly.

Bob exchanged a wary glance with Eddy and maintained a prudent silence.

‘What they're reluctant to point out,’ said Galen, with no hesitation at all, ‘is that while everyone else has worked bloody hard to get this theatre and themselves into shape, no one's seen you do a thing.’

‘And we need to,’ said Bob.

There was a short, inimical silence.

‘Then I suggest you all be here at eight o'clock this evening,’ said Zax.

‘No.’ Eddy's refusal took everyone, including himself, by surprise.

‘What did you say?’ Zax's angry gaze raked Eddy's work-rumpled figure.

‘You 'eard me. Forget your tantrum. You're in the mood to take offence at anything anyone says and Galen's too exhausted to know what day of the week it is. Mind, he's right. If I'm going to be a part of this new show we'll do it to the best of our ability, the same as we've always done. If I'm not wanted, tell me and I'll be on my way.’

Every nerve-end quivering with tension, his head feeling as if it was about to come apart, Zax closed his eyes for a moment. ‘You never fucking well know when to give up,’ he said tiredly.

‘Not when I'm right, no.’

‘Have another cigarette and shut up.’ Zax flicked one over to him.

Eddy examined it. ‘Does this mean you want me in the show?’

Zax's mouth thinned with displeasure. ‘D'you want a seduction scene? Yes,’ he added sulkily, when Eddy waited him out.

‘Well, underwhelmed as I am...’

The signs of temper smoothing away, Zax grimaced and parted his hands in apology. 

‘All right. Tomorrow we'll plan the show. The day after we'll start rehearsing the various acts until they're fit to put together. We'll see how things go from there. If we need a week, a month, or a year we'll take it.’ Eddy turned to include Galen in his forceful stare. ‘Clear?’

‘Sure.’ Galen made no attempt to disguise his lack of interest.

‘Tomorrow then,’ said Zax grudgingly. Seconds later he vanished.

‘Isn't tomorrow going to be fun?’ said Bob.

No one bothered to answer him.

 

Galen returned to the house to find the women comfortably settled in the shade of the orchard, engrossed in a raunchy discussion about the meaning of life, and men in general. He shrugged off their invitation to join them, resenting the fact that events outside their narrow, artistic world could mean so little to them. Blind the anxious looks which followed him, he went inside, prepared some food, discovered his inability to eat it and went back out. Intent on avoiding company, he headed up into the hills.

Despite his fatigue, he maintained a fast pace as he climbed higher and higher in his efforts to escape from the burden of his thoughts. It was the first time he had been physically alone for many weeks. At first he felt only relief at having escaped from the press of other people's egos and needs, the daily trivia which seemed to make up his life, except for the times of emergency when he was helpless to be of any real use.

Defeated by fatigue and the increasingly difficult terrain, he selected a vantage point high above the river and slumped on a rocky outcrop, knowing he was several miles from the nearest person. At first it helped a little but as the sun went down loneliness crept up on him. He stared out into a darkness relieved only by star-shine and the new moon, his tired mind helplessly reliving the sights and sounds of humanity at its ugliest.

Tired and depressed, his head sunk onto his upraised knees. It required more effort than he felt capable of to return to the house. To judge from his earlier reception he would find little peace if Zax was there. He would have even less if Zax was not there, worrying where he might be.

Galen drew his arms tighter around his shins and tried to stop thinking altogether. A silky, familiar-scented warmth settled comfortingly around his bowed shoulders. He lifted his face from concealment to see Zax crouched beside him, indistinct in the darkness.

‘I would have found you sooner but I thought you'd be by the river,’ said Zax, settling beside him.

‘I'm surprised you bothered to look.’

Zax ignored the pointed rebuff. Aware of the walls that had to be breached, and the pain behind them, he wondered if he would be permitted to help. Not only did Galen despise what he did, but he made self-sufficiency seem like an art-form. 

‘I can see that you might feel that way after the way I greeted you,’ Zax said mildly. ‘I'd forgotten why you had to leave. I've never seen you look like this. Was it very bad?’

‘Not for me.’

About to touch him, Zax thought the better of it. ‘I... We were worried about you.’

‘Should I be grateful?’

Zax tucked his cloak more firmly around Galen, taking heart when that comfort was not rejected. ‘Anike and the others wanted to say something but it was obvious you didn't want to talk.’

‘But you assumed you'd be welcome anyway,’ said Galen, his repressed anger seeking an outlet.

‘I hoped I might be better than nothing. Do you want to tell me about it?’

‘Why? Enough survived to provide you with an adoring audience.’

Zax tucked an arm around Galen but made no attempt to say anything else.

‘I didn't mean that,’ Galen muttered, some time later. ‘It's just... There wasn't anything I could do, except try to stop survivors from murdering one another.’

‘Tell me,’ said Zax, his voice undemanding.

‘What good will talking do them? D'you know how many died - not in the floods but at the hands of other survivors? And for what? Food? Oh, no. For the buckles on their fucking shoes!’ The first chink in his armour breached, Galen could not stem the emotive flood of words, his muffled voice shaking with an impotent rage for the wasted lives and needless deaths and his conviction that it would never change, unable to see a future for Names or Numbers, or for Zax and himself, bitterness spilling from him like bile. 

‘...although why I'm telling you this.’ Galen shrugged away from the arm encircling him.

Zax closed his eyes briefly against the hurt of that rejection, even as he recognised a defence he had employed himself, often against Galen. He remained silent, his palm flat against the bowed back. The scent of resin from the pines was strong in the light breeze. It was so quiet that he heard Galen's harsh intake of breath, followed by the muffled, quivery sounds of grief he could no longer contain.

Zax held him then, wrapping him in love as he murmured wordless reassurances until, in time, the sounds faded away and Galen slipped into an exhausted doze.

It was the work of moments to transfer them back to the house.

 

Galen was aware of Zax's wakeful state almost before his own. ‘Did you get any sleep last night?’ he asked, turning to face him.

‘Enough. I've been thinking.’

‘Everyone should have a hobby,’ said Galen, on the grounds that if he made the effort now it would be easier the second time. ‘About what?’

‘The cause of the flood. It shouldn't have happened.’

‘We bloody know that!’ Galen grimaced an apology, events of the last few days more in perspective after some much needed sleep. ‘An underground river is changing course, to the detriment of Q3. The results of the geological survey should be ready tomorrow.’

‘Is there anything I can do to help?’

Galen slid his hand into Zax's and kissed the knuckles. ‘Unless I was dreaming last night, you already have.’

‘Not you, Q3. Can the course of the river be changed?’

‘I don't see how. We'll have to clear and seal off the Sector. It's happened before, no doubt it will happen again. I'll worry about it later.’ Galen tucked an arm over Zax's ribs and slid back to sleep.

oOo

The next time Galen awoke there was a note attached to the pillow he was hugging. _Gone to see Controller. Back soon._

Galen's lazy scratching slowed to a standstill as he frowned into the middle distance. A short time later he was heading after Zax.

 

Still absorbing what the Controller had told him, Galen sat limply on the nearest chair and remembered to close his mouth. ‘It isn't possible,’ he said at last.

‘It is now,’ said the Controller. ‘The geological reports are most encouraging and the computations estimating the success of the operation are in front of you.’

‘You've flipped,’ said Galen with conviction. ‘It could set off a series of events that could devastate the entire Maze.’

‘Further tests will be made before any action is taken.’ 

‘Then what?’

‘Then I divert an underground river,’ said Zax from the doorway.

oOo

Zax and Galen spent three weeks Underground, Galen adapting the data tapes so Zax could assimilate the knowledge he needed. Due to the favourable reports Galen knew that the theory was sound enough, what he baulked at was the Controller's assumption that Zax could command and control the necessary degree of power.

‘Don't worry so,’ said Bob.

Aware of Bob's barely contained excitement, Galen shook his head. ‘Everyone's gone crazy. They're taking it for granted it's going to happen. We've seen nothing - _nothing_ \- to indicate Zax can command this kind of power, never mind control it.’

‘Do you need to touch the sun to feel its heat? Your Controller probably understands what Zax is capable of better than we ever will. They communicate on a level which leaves us way behind. Imagine Eddy never playing more than scales. Be happy, today Zax is going to write his symphony.’

‘Tearing the world apart and himself with it,’ said Galen grimly, frown lines well in evidence.

Zax wandered into the kitchen in time to hear that. ‘No, I won't. And it's time I left to prove as much. Bob, keep an eye on him while I'm gone?’ He was the calmest of them all.

‘Sure.’ Bob wished fiercely he could be there to see it happen.

‘I'm coming with you,’ said Galen, getting to his feet.

‘No, you're not.’

‘Then you'll have to stop me because no one else can.’ 

It was a direct challenge and Zax's head lifted.

‘If it's safe for you to be so close, it's safe for me. Please?’ Galen had the sense to keep quiet after that and it was his silence which defeated Zax.

‘What you're saying is that either I can have peace of mind by leaving you behind, or you can have peace of mind by coming with me?’

‘I wouldn't call it peace of mind exactly but I'm sticking to you like a burr.’

Bob opened his mouth.

‘Don't even think it,’ Zax told him flatly. ‘One passenger is one too many.’

‘You mean you'll take me?’ Galen was surprised by his easy victory. He retained his grasp of Zax's wrist, just in case.

‘I didn't realise I had a choice. We'll go together. Only... Never mind,’ Zax sighed.

A moment later both men vanished. 

 

His back to the outcrop of rock which overlooked the newly created dam, Galen slid to the ground, needing the reassurance of something solid under him. Zax was still staring out across the valley, seemingly impervious to clouds of choking dust borne on the wind. When he turned and came over, a superstitious fear shadowed Galen's eyes, for all that he managed to smile.

Even while he had expected this reaction, Zax looked away, his triumph tarnished at birth. For a moment he could not think what reassurance he could give. ‘I'm still the same man.’

‘I know.’ But Galen could not bring himself to look at him.

Every sense dulled by defeat Zax returned to the edge of the precipice, feet braced against the strong wind buffeting him. He blamed that for his watering eyes.

Strong arms wrapped around his torso, easing him back to safety.

‘I wasn't thinking of jumping,’ Zax said flatly.

Galen tightened his grip for a moment, before releasing him. ‘I didn't think you would - unless you can fly, too.’ 

‘I'm still the same man,’ Zax repeated. Lost, he did not know what to do.

‘I know,’ said Galen, sounding more like himself. ‘But watching what you did... To tell the truth, it frightened me stupid. It'll be a good week before I dare argue with you.’

Zax flinched and looked down.

‘That was supposed to be a joke. Anything to hide the fact I'm still shaking. Neither of us have changed. It's just too easy to forget that you're different. Don't look like that,’ Galen added roughly. ‘I just wish I understood how your power works.’

‘How would that help?’

‘I don't know, it just would. Because my mind works like that, I suppose. I need to understand what makes things happen and what the consequences will be.’ Galen stared at the vastly altered landscape. ‘You've diverted a river, created a dam and you're not even sweating.’

‘No,’ said Zax, aware that Galen was.

‘Transferring us to China wiped you out.’

‘I hadn't begun to test myself at summoning, controlling and using my power. All those trips to the Island helped. The more I do, it the easier it becomes.’ Zax toed a tuft of grass. ‘I suppose I should have investigated the limits of my power before. I might have done if I'd known you.’

Galen swung around to stare at him. ‘Are you saying you did this because of _me_?’

‘Who else?’

‘The refugees, for one.’

‘Why should I care what becomes of them? You must stop attributing altruistic motives to me. Sometimes, not often, I'll put myself out for someone, but only because it fulfills a need in me. You and the troupe matter to me, so I do things for you I wouldn't do for anyone else. I won't take responsibility for the lives of strangers. I have my own life.’ Aware that he was not getting through to Galen, Zax added with a trace of desperation, ‘Why do you think I've never used this much power before? Because it never stops here. People always demand more.’ Abruptly silent, he stared at his clenched hands.

‘You really are a selfish bastard, aren't you,’ remarked Galen.

Zax looked up then, almost fierce. ‘Yes, and it's time you accepted the fact. Don't build a false image of me that I can't live up to. Why do you think I limit my performance to a stage? If the extent of my power was widely known my life wouldn't be my own.’

Galen was still trying to absorb the implications of a power with no limit except that of self-control. ‘You could use it to lead and unite the Names.’

‘If I wanted to.’

That matter-of-fact arrogance set Galen's teeth on edge, for all that the suggestion had been his. ‘So the rest of the world can go fuck itself just so long as you're happy?’

Zax sustained that venomous stare without flinching. ‘Would you rather I lied? I thought it was truth you valued above everything else? Well, this is the truth that you find so unsupportable - I'm not the man you want me to be.’

‘So you're content to possess a power you're too gutless to use?’

Under attack, Zax tucked his shaking hands from sight when he folded his arms, a defensive gesture Galen was too absorbed to notice. ‘Yes.’

‘Why? I need to understand,’ Galen added fiercely.

‘All the Controller's tapes at your disposal and you can't guess? Many have sought power, few have used it wisely. I've no wish to add to their number. I can barely find my own way through life, how could I dictate the course to others? The only power I want is over my audience. To bring colour and hope where there's... You know what life's like in the Maze as well as I do. I trust no one, least of all myself, with more power than that. I'm an entertainer because it's what I do best.’

‘How would you know, you've never tried to do anything else! Think of the possibilities! You could do whatever you wanted! Be whatever you wanted to be!’ Galen was exultant with the knowledge of what they could achieve.

‘Except be myself. No one's interested in who I am, only what I can do.’

‘Yes, but I never realised your potential. Why, we could root out every Regulator in the - ‘ Galen came to an abrupt stop. ‘No,’ he said weakly, finally understanding what Zax had been telling him. ‘I didn't mean that.’ He took a shaky breath. ‘This is why you didn't want me to come with you, isn't it. In case I was tempted.’

There was a long silence before Zax nodded.

‘You were right.’ Galen's voice was thick with self-loathing. ‘I was so busy planning how we - no, how _I_ \- would lead the revolt that I forgot.’

‘History?’

Alerted by the note in Zax's voice, Galen looked up and saw his ravaged face and the defeated slump of his shoulders. ‘Sod history,’ he said roughly, scrambling to his feet. ‘It's us I forgot about. I don't want that for either of our sakes. Besides, the Controller's right. Any changes must come slowly, from within. It's happening here, it will happen elsewhere, in time. You're not the only selfish one. I want us to live in peace, among our friends. I'm sorry I forgot that for a while.’

‘You don't have anything to apologise for,’ said Zax colourlessly.

‘Don't I? It's a fine showing I made - and I was supposed to be protecting you. From me most of all it would seem,’ Galen added, with a biting self-contempt.

Zax heard only the contempt and his head bowed. 

It began to rain, the droplets stained with the dust which had yet to settle. Galen moved only when he saw Zax begin to shudder from reaction.

‘We should go home.’

‘Yes.’ Only then did Zax seem to notice how wet he was. ‘I must speak to the Controller to see if this was the success it seemed.’ He gestured across the valley with an ironic flourish.

‘Of course it was a success! And it would have been all the sweeter if I hadn't soured it for you.’ 

‘It isn't you. I should have known better. Magicians are meant to live alone. We impose too great a strain on those who - ’

‘ - love you? If you want to find your arse being kicked all the way back to the house you're going the right way about it.’

Zax turned to look at him. ‘You still want to be with me, after this?’

‘It'll take all your power to get rid of me. It's you I want. Nothing else.’

Zax touched Galen's cheek, as if to reassure himself that he was real. ‘All right but if you change your mind I'll understand.’

‘Well, you needn't think I'm giving you the same option,’ said Galen, before doubt set in. ‘You do believe that I'm not hungry for your power? That I don't want to...rule the world.’ Put like that it sounded ridiculous, yet it was within the grasp of the dirty-faced man in front of him.

‘I believe you. But you're still afraid of me. It's all right. I understand why but that was the other reason I didn't want you to come here with me.’

‘Of course I'm afraid. Show me someone who wouldn't be and I'll show you a fool. But not of you, just of the elemental force I saw unleashed, even if it was controlled every step of the way. I'm still shaking because I've seen a display of power that would make anyone feel insignificant. It's like being a straw in the wind. But the exhilaration of it!’

‘Where do we go from here?’

‘The Maze, then home,’ said Galen, deliberately misunderstanding him. ‘I'm tired, even if you're not.’ He took Zax's hand in his own, needing that prosaic familiarity. When Zax's fingers tightened around his, it occurred to him that Zax probably needed it even more than he did.

They paused at the Complex long enough to establish that the diversion had been a total success before Galen rescued Zax from the Controller's questions and drew him back onto the routeway.

‘Now we'll go home.’

Zax gave him a dazed look. ‘It really worked.’ It was as if he had only just realised it.

‘I know. You did it!’

Zax smiled for the first time that day. ‘I did, didn't I,’ he said with evident satisfaction, before he caught hold of Galen in a mercurial change of mood.

Wet, dirty and laughing, Galen discovered that they were back at the house.

Bob leapt to his feet. ‘He did it?’

‘He did it,’ confirmed Galen with pride.

The congratulations went on for some time, until a prosaic voice said, ‘OK, so he did it. No surprise there, he's a clever bugger when he puts his mind to something. Why do you both look as if you've been mining?’

‘There was a lot of dust,’ explained Galen.

‘I can see that.’ Eddy coughed pointedly when Zax peeled off his wet clothes before shrugging into the black cotton robe Monica handed him.

Zax sank onto some cushions at Galen's feet, wrapping his chilled hands around the mug of coffee Bob passed him.

‘Right, now that's out of the way can we discuss the show?’ demanded Eddy.

Zax appropriated one of Eddy's cigarettes, leaving a golden flower tucked behind his ear in lieu of payment. ‘We can and we will. How about now?’ he said, convinced that after today nothing could ever bother him again. He draped an arm over Galen's thighs, relying on him for support.

‘Fine.’ Eddy was five minutes into his proposals before he realised Zax was asleep.

‘Typical,’ he grumbled without heat. ‘Take that cigarette off him before he burns the house down and us with it.’

Galen dealt with the cigarette. ‘Let him sleep. Today he exorcised a few ghosts. He's entitled to some rest.’

‘What ghosts?’ demanded Sade, but her voice was pitched low.

‘Let's just say we established that neither of us wants to rule the world.’

Only Bob recognised Galen's underlying gravity and he finally understood why Zax had not wanted an audience for this, his greatest trick.

‘Maybe next time he can turn water into wine,’ he said softly, remembering the promises Zax had made one night while infatuated with the blonde perfection that had been Veronica.

Galen swallowed a yawn and gave him an enquiring look.

‘I'll explain another time.’ Knowing he never would, Bob smiled indulgently at the only one of them with the potential to become a legend among the Names.

Oblivious, Zax began to snore.


	21. Chapter 21

TWENTY ONE

 

The following morning was something of an anticlimax; life at its most prosaic and difficult to reconcile with the events of the previous morning. Galen kept sneaking surreptitious glances at Zax, who was in his usual early morning state of semi-torpor.

‘Have I grown two heads?’ Zax demanded, as he waited for the kettle to boil. ‘You keep staring at me and it's making me nervous.’

‘Change that to irritable and I might believe you,’ said Galen, finishing his pancake.

‘You look like a walking question mark. What do you want to know?’

‘It suddenly struck me, now I've seen what you can do. Don't you get bored?’

‘What with?’ 

‘All this. Having to shave, make breakfast, exploring countryside you have the power to alter. Me, come to that.’

Zax's mouthful of coffee went down the wrong way.

‘Now see what you made me do,’ he wheezed, scarlet-faced and teary-eyed. ‘Does this mean you're going to take over the cooking? If so, I'd love some pancakes.’

‘I'm serious.’

‘You're an idiot,’ Zax told him frankly. ‘Of course I don't get bored. I don't enjoy a lot of the things we have to do but I only know of one way to do them - the hard way. There are limits on my power. I can't produce food from thin air for one thing.’

‘Then how do you produce cigarettes?’ asked Galen, as he waited for the oil to heat.

‘I don't know. It took me years to get it right, and that was only after I'd read everything I could lay my hands on about their composition. It's habit now. If I thought about it, I probably wouldn't be able to do it.’

Galen gave a disgruntled sniff. ‘You're a great help. Find me a clean plate.’

Zax looked around at the accumulation of dirty crockery. ‘I could get rid of this easily enough.’

Galen's expression brightened, before he grimaced. ‘Better not. Anike will go spare if we 'loose' any more. Do you want to flip this, or shall I?’

‘Just don't... _Bugger_.’ Zax looked at the floor. ‘I knew I should have washed it when it was my turn. Make me another?’

‘There's no more batter, and we're out of eggs. There's some cold rice and bean curd.’

Zax was so hungry he ate it without complaint before making inroads on the contents of the fruit bowl. 

oOo

It was the first time the troupe had worked together in over a year, even longer since Zax had been at their head. When they gathered on stage for the first rehearsal everyone, except Zax, was wary. Exuberant and sunny-tempered, he seemed unconscious of any shadows from the past, infecting them all with his high spirits.

As anticipated, the run-through was a shambolic disaster. What surprised the troupe was Zax's wry acceptance that much of the fault was his, and how hard he worked until they stopped to take stock and catch their breath.

‘The real trouble is we've got set in our ways,’ said Anike, as she sipped the fruit juice Bob handed her. ‘We used to take risks in a performance. Why don't we experiment? We've got the ideas and the know-how and Eddy's found some wonderful new songs. We need more exciting routines to go with them. Pace the show better, so there's a proper build up for when Zax comes on. You've earned the best,’ she told him. ‘That trick you did just now was amazing.’

Zax gave a meaningless smile, wishing he could remember what it had been. He flexed his shoulders and neck, trying to ease the pain in his head. ‘You haven't seen many tricks recently.’ 

‘He wasn't bad,’ conceded Eddy.

Galen massaged Zax's shoulders while the women tossed ideas around.

‘We should cut out some things completely,’ said Taruna. ‘There's no need to replace the sword cabinet, or the box for sawing someone in half. Zax is so much better than that now he’s free to do more.’

‘Oh, yes,’ said Monica. She had taken on the role of Zax's assistant because no one else had been prepared to do it - more than once and she was built on more generous lines than Ina. 

‘Is a mere manager permitted to make suggestions?’ asked Galen diffidently.

The pain a distant memory now, Zax tilted back his head the better to see Galen's face.’There's nothing 'mere' about you. What suggestions?’ He was intrigued to hear what Galen had made of what he had seen.

‘That you open the show.’

‘With that song you found?’ said Eddy shrewdly.

‘That's the one. Bring the lights up slowly to reveal his creatures and then he just appears in their heart. He vanishes from the stage the moment the song's done. Bob comes blasting on and the show's away before the audience has time to catch its breath.’

‘Why that song in particular?’ asked Zax, already knowing he would do it.

‘Parts of it might have been written with you in mind.’

‘Sade and Anike would be great as Harlequin and Columbine,’ said Bob.

‘Could I be the one with the custard pie?’ begged Taruna, her eyes sparkling. She did not know what they were, but Zax would, he always did.

‘I'd better learn the lyrics,’ said Zax. ‘Though I still like Bob opening the show.’

‘I will be. You're the prologue. The hint of mystery...’

‘...the leg-opener,’ said Anike mischievously. She sneezed when a cloud of golden dust enveloped her and gave Zax a look of reproach as she shook it from the exuberance of her hair.

‘It's lucky I'm not sensitive,’ said Zax, before he grinned. ‘I'll do it. All right, Maestro, what else?’

‘Scrap the Silent Dance,’ Galen said promptly.

‘Please,’ added Monica with feeling. 

A chorus of voices agreed with her.

Zax frowned at her. ‘You'll leave yourself with nothing to do at this rate.’

‘There'll be more than enough work backstage to keep me busy. You can't claim I'm the best dancer in the world.’ Monica knew that Zax had employed her only because she had refused to live on his charity.

With the grace to look self-conscious, Zax glanced at Eddy, who shrugged to indicate he had said nothing to her.

‘Anyway, Monica's the obvious choice for your permanent assistant,’ said Sade.

A look of horror crossed Monica's face.

‘You don't want the job?’ said Zax, missing little of what went on today. It occurred to him that there was nothing like a guilty conscience for aiding concentration.

‘No. That is...’ Floundering, Monica trailed off into silence. But she glared at the openly grinning Sade. She refocused to find Zax crouched beside her.

‘You don't want to be my assistant?’ All his attention on her, he had taken her hand, his thumb describing circles on her inner wrist.

Monica brushed back the hair that was spilling into those guileless eyes. ‘You're a monster,’ she said, succumbing to the charm he could exert so effortlessly.

‘I know. Say yes, no one else will put up with me. Besides, it's fun working with you. Eddy, that song you were playing earlier would be perfect for Monica.’

‘On it,’ nodded Eddy.

Monica went faintly pink at the compliment. ‘Well, if you're sure you want me.’

‘I'm positive. But if there's something else you'd rather be doing, say,’ Zax told her. 

‘Right,’ she scoffed, before it occurred to her that he meant it. ‘You're serious!’

The astonishment on her face did little for Zax's self-respect. ‘Very,’ he confirmed.

‘That's settled then,’ said Bob. ‘As for the rest... The girls can come in on that new number of mine. Make it another big production, keep the adrenalin pumping until you're back on stage. We've almost finished making our costumes but it's time we decided on what you’ll look like.’

His own act never having been under discussion before, Zax looked surprised. ‘Is it?’

‘Unless you want to find yourself mobbed every time you set foot in the Maze you'll need some disguise,’ Galen told him. ‘That goes for everyone, of course. But particularly you.’

‘No one will know who I am,’ dismissed Zax.

‘It only takes one person to recognise you. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life flitting from dressing-room to Exterior your stage appearance has got to change to something people won't see through.’

‘Now I don't have a beard there'll be little for people to remember me by. What?’ Zax added, when he realised everyone was staring at him.

‘He really believes that,’ recognised Galen.

‘It would be quite endearing if he wasn't so vain about everything else,’ said Rhian.

‘Stop talking about me as if I wasn't here. So what do you suggest I wear on stage?’ capitulated Zax. Lack of privacy had always been a problem.

‘Masks created with face paint. And new wigs,’ added Galen.

‘He'll have to cut his hair to get one on.’ Monica viewed Zax's tumbling mane of hair with a critical eye. ‘A crop would bring out his bones a treat and make a good contrast to his stage look. I'll see to the hair and wigs, I can do better than that brown thing you used to wear,’ she added to Zax.

‘I liked that - ’

‘He's got the perfect face for paint,’ interrupted Sade. ‘I could do marvellous things with his eyes and those cheekbones. Something like this, see?’ She thrust an open book approximately two inches from Zax's nose. In the illustration the man's cheekbones were decorated with a series of eyes fanning out across his cheeks like a peacock's tail, with an open eye painted on each eyelid. The effect was stunning.

Going cross-eyed, Zax pushed it away, then drew it back. By this time five people were craning over his shoulder. 

Anike relieved him of the book and gave a crow of delight. ‘He'll look gorgeous. Nothing like he does now.’

Before Zax could react to that two-edged compliment Rhian was turning his face to the light. ‘More to the point, anyone would find it difficult to describe the man in the picture. We just need a few more masks that good. And time enough for Zax to apply them before each turn.’

‘It's given me a few ideas,’ said Sade. ‘I'll play with Zax's face this evening. Don't forget, the make-up's got to be easy enough for him to manage.’

Zax bristled but subsided when Galen tucked an arm around him and whispered, ‘If they didn't love you, they wouldn't care. Shut up and look grateful.’

‘So that's his make-up sorted. What's he going to wear?’ asked Taruna.

‘There's nothing wrong with - ’ Resigned, Zax gave up when three people spoke over him.

Anike won through by sheer enthusiasm. ‘Look at this, but in black and gold.’

‘Or silver,’ said Taruna.

As the other women entered the debate, Bob and Eddy exchanged resigned glances and settled down for a game of blackjacks. Safely out of Zax's line of vision Galen was grinning.

Sade's voice cut through the hubbub. ‘I'm not saying it isn't a great outfit but Zax is part of the tit and bum show. What's the point of covering up some of his best assets?’

Feeling Zax stiffen in outrage, Galen put a palm over Zax's mouth, his other hand on his shoulder, holding him in place. Zax had taken being spoken about, around and over quite well until now and it would be a shame to miss the rest of the entertainment.

Oblivious to the threatening storm, Anike, who was the acknowledged wardrobe mistress, took over. ‘Of course he is, and I'm not about to waste it. Look again, love. This is silk we're talking about. When he moves it will move with him. Those trousers will mould him like a second skin. Because he's in good physical shape, I was planning to...’ Engrossed in her explanation, she reached out to demonstrate what she meant, only to find herself staring into a pair of outraged green eyes.

‘What do you think?’ she thought to ask their owner.

‘You're right,’ said Sade with decision. ‘That will look great. How about some body paint? Though some of that chest hair will have to go.’ She gave a soft whorl a dismissive tweak.

Galen deemed it prudent to step in before there was a detonation of monumental proportions. ‘The chest hair stays. Discuss the rest tomorrow,’ he said.

Brute strength and the advantage of surprise enabled him to drag Zax with him as he fled to Zax's dressing-room. He bolted the door and stood with his back to it, his arms dramatically outflung.

‘Let's hear it,’ he said heroically.

‘You bastard.’ Despite himself Zax was already smiling as he subsided in front of the mirror. He flicked on the lights and leant forward to peer at himself. ‘If they have their way I'll end up looking like - ’

‘ - a walking wet dream. Only don't let them shave your chest. I like it the way nature intended.’

‘You mean I get a choice?’

‘You can't fault their enthusiasm.’

‘I thought they were winding me up.’

‘Of course they weren't.’

Zax peered at his reflection again. ‘You really think their ideas will work? I like being able to wander round the Maze without attracting attention,’ he admitted.

‘You know they will. And you know bloody well you'll look gorgeous. Leather and silk...’ murmured Galen dreamily, as he conjured up the vision Zax would make.

‘What leather?’ enquired Zax with suspicion.

‘The boots and leather gauntlet for that bare arm. I could even fancy you myself,’ Galen confided.

‘No?’ In the mood to be helpful, Zax met him halfway across the room.

‘That reminds me,’ said Galen, his fingers busy with buttons. ‘You need a bigger cot in here.’

‘Why, does the manager usually sleep with the star?’ asked Zax, allowing himself to be stripped.

‘I don't know but this one's planning something more active first.’

Zax took care to ensure it was active. By the time they got to the cot neither man was in any state to notice its narrow discomfort.

oOo

It became evident that a turning point had been reached, Zax in full command of rehearsals now. Yet it was different from the old days; while they worked harder than ever, there was no Ina complaining and carping and irritating Zax like salt in a wound and the rehearsals were full of laughter, stupid jokes and stunning improvisations. Everyone was given a chance to shine. 

Monica lost her harried look when she realised how much Zax needed an assistant, rather than someone who wanted to be the star themselves. And because the spotlight was on him, she began to blossom, her plump prettiness and warmth providing the perfect foil to his charismatic stage persona.

Even by the end of the first full day of rehearsals the shape and substance of the new show was apparent, offering a feast to the senses. From beginning to end it was threaded with the velvety-voiced mastery that was Zax. 

His only previous experience having been that of viewing a poor quality video tape, Galen found the reality stunning. He ran out of superlatives as he watched Zax make the stage his own, cupping those who watched safe in the warm hollow of his hand.

When at last the music faded and the house lights came on Galen remained where he was, his eyes brilliant, his face flushed and full of wonder.

The troupe crowded around him, still sweating and high on the magic they had all helped to create, before they swept him off to their communal dressing-room. Despite the fact there had been the space and funds for each performer to have their own room they were too accustomed with sharing to have been comfortable with the idea of being alone.

‘Well, what do you think?’ His tone ultra-casual, Eddy had to repeat the question to gain Galen's attention.

‘I didn't know it could be like this,’ he said, delighting his listeners. 

‘It never used to be,’ said Bob honestly. He shrugged into a tatty old robe and gave a supple stretch. ‘Man, I enjoyed that. Ladies, you were superb.’

‘We know,’ said Sade. For all her would-be nonchalance, excitement bubbled from her.

‘Don't get carried away,’ said Taruna. ‘We might be better than we were but there's plenty of room for improvement. I made notes.’

‘We'll get there,’ said Anike with certainty as she brushed away the strands of hair which clung to her sweaty face. ‘We dare do nothing else. It's all due to Zax you know, Galen.’ She spun round and enveloped Zax in a warm hug before she stepped back to study him. 

‘How can you be so...?’

‘I know. The audience will eat him up,’ predicted Sade, a predatory gleam indicating she would be happy to join them.

His eyes glittering with a self-induced fire, still high on the adrenalin he had generated, Zax's face lost all trace of vivacity. ‘Yes,’ he said colourlessly, ‘they probably will. I'll see you all here tomorrow. Thank you.’ Then he vanished, leaving Galen staring at the spot he had occupied.

oOo

‘I'm not complaining,’ said Taruna, as she brushed out her hair, wincing when she located a particularly vicious tangle, ‘just wondering if it's the same man. Not one burst of temperament in over a week. It's unnatural.’

‘Don't say that,’ pleaded Monica.

‘You'll be fine,’ said Taruna, this a reassurance that had become commonplace. ‘Really. Anyone can see he loves working with you.’

‘Until I drop something.’

‘You haven't yet,’ pointed out Taruna briskly. ‘Anyway, Zax can always weave it into his act. There doesn't seem to be a limit to what he can do. If he's this good in rehearsal I can't wait to see what he'll be like on opening night.’

‘He hasn't reached the heights he did that first day,’ said Sade critically.

‘You can't count that. He’d allowed himself to forget he'll be playing in front of an audience. He hasn't been the same since we reminded him,’ said Rhian.

‘Since I did, you mean,’ said Sade, before she shrugged. ‘He'll be all right on the night.’

‘Will he?’ said Taruna. ‘I wonder. While he hasn’t said anything it’s obvious Galen's worried. There's something wrong. Those times when Zax just disappears, for one thing.’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ dismissed Sade. ‘The only thing wrong is the fact Zax is wallowing in stage-fright and Galen's allowing him to get away with it. The first burst of applause will settle him down.’

‘Don't even mention the word >i>audience,’ wailed Monica. ‘I just know I'm going to muddle one of his routines, and he's always sliding in something new and expecting me to know what's going on.’

‘But you always do,’ comforted Taruna.

‘That isn't the point. I might not.’

‘Stop panicking over nothing, girl. You're doin' great,’ said Eddy, arriving in time to hear that.

‘Considering,’ said Monica bitterly.

‘ _Considering_ my arse. Everyone but you can see how happy he is with you. He must be, or we'd have heard about it,’ said Eddy, under no illusions where Zax was concerned. ‘Besides, he told you so himself. And he doesn't give compliments lightly.’

‘That's only because half the time he doesn't seem to know what's going on. Sometimes I swear it's as if he suddenly wakes up and wonders where he is.’ Monica tugged furiously at her zip, which refused to budge.

‘Strewth, you 'ave got it bad.’ Eddy brushed her fingers out the way. ‘Keep still and let me see to it, you'll tear it otherwise and this is too pretty to spoil. Bright colours suit you best. Don't you reckon he's happy with Monica, Sade?’

‘Of course he is. She's the perfect choice. She can sing, too, which is more than I can. I don't know why you're grinning like that, Eddy, you wouldn't have lasted as long as I did with him.’

‘Thirty-five minutes, as I recall,’ said Rhian provocatively.

‘It seemed longer,’ Sade admitted. ‘It didn't help matters when he realised I'm taller than he is.’

Taruna gave a wicked grin. ‘He's worn his heeled boots to rehearsals ever since.’

‘Yeah?’ said Eddy. ‘Shows how much you know. In case you hadn't realised, with them on he's just tall enough to stare straight down Monica's cleavage. I told you he wasn't that far gone.’

‘So he can,’ realised Rhian. ‘Trust you to notice. Anike's made some wonderful costumes for us but that one of Monica's is my favourite. Only Eddy could call it _pretty_ ,’ she added with scorn. ‘I wish I had boobs so I could do a dress like that justice.’

‘You wouldn't if you had them,’ said Monica tragically, in no mood to be jollied along. She was dreading the dress rehearsal tomorrow, certain it would be a disaster. Working with Zax had never been easy - until she had taken on the role of his assistant. The first day had been wonderful but since then she felt as if she was working with a distant, courteous stranger, and she knew Galen was as aware of the change in Zax as she was.

Sade saw that Monica had yet to do her hair and deftly began to do it for her. ‘What we all need is a chance to unwind. There's no point worrying about tomorrow. If we aren't ready now we never will be. Do you remember Galen saying he had some wine stashed away? I think now's the time to broach a few bottles. Have a small orgy, eh?’ She squeezed Monica's plump shoulders by way of encouragement.

‘I'm not in the mood,’ said Monica dolefully.

Sade grinned. ‘I can take care of that.’

‘I've got a headache.’

‘Now _I_ can take care of that,’ said Eddy. ‘Come on, girl, let's get goin'.’

They had a wonderful evening but inevitably they were all late and hung-over the following day.

oOo

A forgotten spectator in the wings, Galen watched those who had stayed to the bitter end leave without a word or a glance at the man standing centre stage under a single spotlight. His piercing gaze challenging the empty auditorium, Zax gave no sign that he noticed them leave, lost to visions which only he could see.

Pink and perspiring, his fierce expression cancelled by the hurt bleeding from his eyes, Eddy paused in front of Galen. ‘Either you sort him out or I will,’ he promised, his voice thick with rage. ‘It's gone beyond a joke. I don't mind taking a bit of stick but... You heard him. Saw what he did. He needs stopping or one fine day someone won't survive that temper of his. You heard him,’ he repeated.

Only then did Galen notice that Eddy's eyes were full of unshed tears. ‘I heard him,’ he confirmed, one hand clasping Eddy's shoulder. His worried gaze slid to where Zax stood, one arm wrapped around his torso, his body seemingly propped against an invisible pillar. ‘I'll talk to him.’

‘You'd better do more than talk to him. The _bastard_! Where did Bob go, do you know?’ added Anike, her face pinched and worn-looking.

‘He didn't say.’ Galen thought it better not to add that it would have taken more than his strength to slow Bob down for long enough to find out. ‘I'll talk to him,’ he repeated.

‘You think that will be enough?’ said Rhian stormily. She had one arm around a dazed Taruna, Monica having retreated from the battle line in tears some time ago. ‘He came _this_ close to crippling Eddy, and for what?’

‘Star fuckin' syndrome for all I care,’ said Eddy. While he tried to mask it with anger, he could not disguise his hurt misery. ‘'E won't get another chance. Next time it could be one of you and his aim might be better. Galen, watch your back.’ 

‘He wouldn't - ’

But they had already left.

Galen took a steadying breath, finally admitting that he had run out of excuses to explain Zax's recent mood swings. Zax had admitted to the odd headache but that could not begin to justify what he had said and done today. The only reason he had not intervened was because he had been frozen in place, unable to believe what he was seeing.

He studied the straight back of the man still standing under the spotlight, staring sightlessly out into the auditorium. The harsh light did nothing to soften the stark planes of Zax's face, his mouth thinned by anger, lines deeply scored on his forehead. With no idea of what he was going to say - what he could say - Galen took a steadying breath and joined him on stage, his footsteps echoing in the silence; he was unnervingly aware of the threatening void of the dark, deserted auditorium. The hair on the back of his neck began to prickle with unease.

‘Well, that was an edifying display. Would you mind telling me what it was in aid of?’

It was a moment before Zax seemed to register his presence. ‘Perhaps if you'd been here from the beginning, as you were supposed to be, you would know.’

‘I've been in the wings for the last fifty minutes. What happened in the first fifteen I missed to excuse your behaviour?’

Zax gave him a look of hauteur. ‘Do you have any idea of the responsibilities and stresses in producing a show?’

With some effort Galen refrained from pointing out that they had all fallen on other shoulders. ‘Is that to be your excuse?’

‘I wasn't aware I needed one.’

‘You do as far as I'm concerned. You'll need absolution from the others.’ The flicking contempt in Galen's voice broke through Zax's preoccupation.

‘You're over-reacting,’ he said coldly.

‘No, I'm not,’ said Galen with disquieting calm. ‘I wonder if you've ever stopped to think of the allowances they make for you. How much you take from them while giving nothing back. Today you exhausted your stock of goodwill with a viciousness I've never seen equalled. What was it about? You'll need a better reason than a headache, or first night nerves.’

Aware of the vast gaps in his memory of the day, Zax had no intention of admitting as much, particularly not now.

‘Well?’ said Galen, unyielding.

Zax raked a hand back through his hair and doused the lights, leaving them in unrelieved darkness. He did not know what was happening to him and now the force of Galen's will was pressing against him when he was least able to withstand it.

‘I don't know,’ he said finally. It sounded sullen, even to his own ears.

Galen gave a weary sigh. ‘Let's get out of here. You've done enough for one day.’

Galen's prosaic manner helping to banish the spectre of madness which had begun to haunt him, Zax followed him off-stage; anything was better than being left alone with his thoughts. 

Once in his dressing-room Zax flicked on the lights then wished he had not when he saw Galen's expression.

‘Am I so difficult to live with?’ he asked abruptly.

Galen stared at him, as if seeing a stranger. No one had escaped the scourge of Zax’s tongue, which had even reduced Sade to tears. There was nothing unusual about a loss of temper, only in the vindictiveness of the attacks as Zax located a chink in the armour and cracked defences wide open. The last straw had been the knife he had hurled in a fit of rage; if Eddy had not sneezed when he had, his hand would have been pinned to the wall.

‘Is it such a difficult question?’ Zax’s voice was tight with tension.

‘Unfortunately not. I wouldn't wish you on my worst enemy. You demand too much from your friends and use them like toilet paper. Could any mistake they made justify what you said to Monica, or Sade?’ 

‘I know, I know,’ dismissed Zax, distracting himself with a flurry of movement as he pulled off his stage costume, even the waistcoat feeling as if it was suffocating him.

‘And that's supposed to be enough, is it?’

‘What do you want to hear, that I'm sorry? All right, I'll tell them so.’

‘How very magnanimous. Let's hope it's enough. You trade too much on your charm but the well will run dry. It's close to doing so.’

For all that he had been expecting it, the warning drove home like a spear thrust. Seated in front of his dressing table, the bright lights offered no hiding place. Zax slathered his face in cold cream and began to rub furiously.

‘I was angry,’ he said lamely, after too long a pause.

‘Try counting to ten next time, a little self-control never hurt anyone. Not that you’d know about that. You have a gift. Why must everyone else pay such a high price for it?’

The disguising cold cream and make-up scrubbed from his reddened skin, Zax stared angrily at Galen's reflection. ‘And what do you pay?’ For all the venom in his voice, his fingernails dug into the flesh of his palms.

‘If you're pushing to see how much I'll take, don't. There have been too many tests.’ Galen exhaled softly. ‘Do you think I won't try to understand what's troubling you? But I need you to trust me with the truth. Anything would be better than this. When you're angry you're conscienceless enough to say and do anything and I've had enough of it!’ He searched Zax's mirrored image for some hint of understanding but there was no comfort to be found there, only a chilly disdain which reinforced his sense of isolation from what had become so familiar. There were times when life with Zax made him feel as if he was stumbling through a labyrinth without a key to its heart. Or worse, that the labyrinth had no heart.

‘So you've had enough. What do you intend to do?’

Galen relaxed when he realised that beneath his spiky anger Zax was afraid and was guarding himself the only way he knew. If there was a labyrinth, with all its dangerous paths, Zax had been trapped in it for longer than he had - without the comfort of believing he would reach a safe haven. He hid his insecurities behind so many defences that it was easy to be distracted.

‘There are several options.’ Relief made Galen smile, with no idea of how disconcerting it appeared to Zax. ‘I could knock you across the room, but there's been enough violence. Or we could have sex, but anger's a poor reason. That leaves one other option.’ He saw Zax brace himself, as though to meet a mortal blow, and knew he had been right.

‘And that is?’ asked Zax, unable to bear the waiting.

‘To keep you here with me until you tell me what's wrong.’

‘And if I don't fall in with your master plan, what then?’

Galen shrugged. ‘Then you'll carry on making everyone's life a misery until you get over whatever is bothering you. The others will pick up the pieces as best they can - if they can - and life will go on until the next time you decide to hurt them.’

‘You've left out one other option - behave or else you leave.’ Zax defied the Fates to voice the one fear with the power to crush him.

The vulnerability of his unguarded face melted Galen's resentment that, despite their months together, Zax should know so little of him.

‘What would be the point,’ he said, ashamed of his earlier need to wound, ‘we both know I'd be back. I walked out on you once. Never again. I've learnt that much.’

Belligerent as a bloodied fighting cock, Zax slowly absorbed what he was being told, tension easing from locked muscles as the truth sank home. When he had driven everyone else from his side Galen would still be here, despite it all - or perhaps because of it. Then he stopped wondering why and one of them moved, he never knew who it was, finding himself wrapped around Galen and Galen wrapped around him.

‘You meant that, didn't you,’ he mumbled, some time later.

‘Yes.’ Galen answered the statement as if it had been a question. Zax projected so much confidence that it was too easy to forget that the man who could use words to such telling effect needed the reassurance of them as much as anyone else. ‘I want nothing more than to make my life with you. Don't shut me out when something's wrong. It hurts, I lash out at you and we end up in this circle of hurt that solves nothing.’

Zax pulled on a robe and considered that. ‘I don't mean to close you out. Not always. What you give me is obvious. What do I give you? Don't pretend you don't understand. I need to know,’ he said simply.

‘That's easy, you make me feel alive.’

There was a short silence.

‘Is that all?’

‘It's everything.’

‘It doesn't seem much,’ Zax said doubtfully, not understanding what Galen meant.

‘It is when you've had nothing. I was drifting, purposeless. You brought me to life.’ Galen cocked his head. ‘It's only just occurred to me. I'm never slow about letting you know when you piss me off. You never do that. Not with me. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.’

‘Neither do I,’ admitted Zax. ‘It probably is. I've got used to the worst.’

‘What worst?’

‘Faint heart,’ mocked Zax gently. ‘Just the way you calmly assume I'm only safe to be let out when you're with me. I'm getting used to it.’

‘I didn't mean to steamroller my way through your life. I didn't know I had.’

‘That's what makes it even funnier. I might be able to work up more indignation if I hadn't been guilty of doing the same thing. We're both learning the fine art of compromise.’ Zax flexed his tense neck muscles.

Galen sat beside him on the cot. ‘What was wrong this morning? I've never seen you like that before.’

‘Like what?’

With an uneasy lurch Galen realised the question was genuine, rather than an excuse or evasion. ‘At times I felt as if I was watching a stranger. It's happened several times recently, but never as bad as this morning.’

‘What did I say? Only I can't remember,’ admitted Zax at last, the horror of it on his unguarded face.

‘ _What_!’ While it made sense, it was the last thing Galen wanted to hear.

‘I'm not making excuses, I don't know what happened. I remember being livid because everyone was late and when they did turn up they were hung-over and unrepentant. I started to give them a well-deserved bollocking and then... Nothing, except for odd flashes. Bob shouting at me. The pain in my head. Then you were here and the others had gone and I seem to have lost at least almost an hour. What did I say to them that was so bad?’

Galen took hold of his hand. ‘You're not joking, are you?’

‘I wish I was. This last week... You said I was like a stranger. I've felt...distanced, as if I've been shut off from everyone. Everything. It doesn't make sense, I know. But I can't bloody well _remember_ ,’ said Zax, his voice cracking. ‘Not what I said, or why. For Eddy to walk out it must have been bad.’

‘It was,’ said Galen, too shocked to think to soften the blow. ‘You verbally abused everyone. When you reduced even Sade to tears Eddy tried to stop you. He came _this_ close to getting one of your knives through the back of his hand.’

Slow to absorb what he was being told, Zax shook his head.

‘That can’t be right. I wouldn't do that to anyone, let alone Eddy.’

‘You were...angry,’ said Galen lamely.

‘I don't care if I was fucking furious, nothing could excuse... I really tried to cripple Eddy?’ Reality hitting home, Zax looked as if he wanted to be sick.

‘I'm sorry,’ said Galen, aching for him.

‘Yes.’ With no idea of what to do Zax wandered aimlessly around his dressing-room before turning back to Galen. ‘If you say I did it, then it must be true. But I might as well tear the wings from a bird as Eddy from the ability to make music.’ Naked distress on his face, he fell silent as he absorbed the monstrous truth.

‘The knife missed him.’

‘That's supposed to help? If I could do that, to Eddy, of all people, then what else might I do?’ Strung out on tension, Zax looked close to breaking point. 

Galen took the clammy hands between his own. ‘Strain can play terrible tricks on the mind. I don't think any of us understand quite how much you're dreading the opening night. If this memory loss and lack of control stems from stress then after tomorrow it will stop and seem no more than a bad dream. If the headaches and periods of memory loss continue we'll go back to the Medical Complex. Forget about it for tonight,’ he coaxed.

‘I must find the others. Explain...’ Zax could not complete the sentence, only too aware he could explain nothing, even to himself.

‘Do it tomorrow.’ Aware of the reception Zax could expect, Galen wanted the chance to speak to the others.

Zax shook his head. ‘They have the right to know - and to decide what they want to do.’

‘I'll come with you.’

‘I need to see them by myself. From what you've told me they've no reason to welcome me. I don't want you drawn into that. You can't guard me from everything,’ Zax added gently.

‘It matters to you? What they think.’

Zax looked astonished that there could be any doubt. ‘Of course. I love them,’ he said simply.

Galen let him go without further protest.

 

His reactions dulled by the amount he had drunk, Bob was slow to react when the door to their dressing-room opened. A moment later he was out of his chair, the force of his move sending it crashing to the floor.

‘Get out! You're not wanted.’

Zax closed and leant back against the door. The lights were off, a couple of candles on one of the dressing tables reflecting wavering images of various figures. The air was laden with emotion and stank of sweat and cheap alcohol.

‘I'm sure I'm the last person you want to see. I tried the house first. Why didn't you go back there?’

‘For a repeat performance? The house is Galen's - and yours - and we've had a bellyful of you. In case you were wondering, we quit. We'll be out of here by morning.’ The anger in Bob's voice was negated by the grief on his face.

It only added to Zax's burden of guilt. It was difficult for him concentrate, his brain and mouth seeming far apart and drifting farther away the more he tried to connect with it. ‘You left your belongings at the house.’

‘Keep them. Leave now, or I’ll throw you out. You won't find it so easy to cripple _me_ \- I'll be expecting it!’

Zax flinched, unable to see Eddy in the flickering half-light. ‘Will you just let me say one thing?’

‘Goodbye?’ suggested Taruna, her arm around Monica.

‘If it's about your precious show, forget it,’ added Rhian. ‘You've made it abundantly clear that you don't need us.’

‘I can't see Eddy,’ said Zax, his stomach knotting with fear again.

‘You think we'd let you near him after last time?’ Anike's voice was harsh and unforgiving and she had a protective arm around Bob.

‘G-Galen said the k-knife missed him.’ Zax looked from one inimical face to the next, silently pleading for someone to tell him the truth.

Taruna gave a derisive snort. ‘What do you mean, _Galen said_ ' Can't you think of a better excuse than - ?’

The pain came without warning. Zax slumped to his knees, one hand raised impotently to the ferocious agony in his head, the pulses of pain mounting with every rasping breath he took. In the distance he could hear the inhuman sounds he was making. Lost to the heat scalding his brain he ceased to care as sound and vision were taken from him.

He never knew that in his extremity he tried to dash his head against the floor.


	22. Chapter 22

TWENTY TWO

 

When Zax recovered consciousness he was face down on the bare boards, his arms and legs pinned. His first thought was to wonder what he had done this time. Bile burned the back of his throat and he gagged. Freed from restraint, oblivious to the hands that tried to help him, he retched helplessly, on all fours like a dog, while his guts unravelled.

When the racking spasms finally stopped he was too weak to move and sodden with sweat. His palms flat on the floor, his arms shook with the effort of supporting himself. It was beyond him to raise his bowed head, moisture running from his eyes and nose while threads of saliva dripped from his mouth.

'Better out than in,' murmured a familiar, rough-edged voice kindly. A hand rubbed the small of his back.

Dazed and uncomprehending, Zax turned his head to see Eddy's blurred face inches from his own.

'Clean you up a bit, eh?' said Eddy, stroking the hair from Zax's eyes. His hand was unmarked and whole.

That loving concern his undoing, Zax's face crumpled and he began to cry.

 

By the time M7619 reached the theatre the crisis was over. Zax had been moved onto the cot in his own dressing-room, away from the reek of vomit and the memory of how it had taken six of them to stop him from trying to dash out his brains. His skin a dirty white, Zax's clothing was sodden with sweat and he looked exhausted. Several of the troupe looked in little better condition.

The examination took only a short while and M7619 was frowning by the end of it. 

Zax closed his eyes to shut out both his own fear and the questions he knew he would be asked.

'Well?' demanded Galen, hovering at M7619's shoulder like an avenging angel.

'Zax already knows there's nothing I can do for him. I can only offer analgesics, which he refuses to take. The long-term solution is his.'

'He's had attacks like this before?' asked Bob.

'Never this bad,' said Galen. 'There was nothing you could have done.'

'Perhaps not, but Zax can and must,' said M7619.

Zax stirred. 'What?' His voice was hoarse from screaming.

'Either come to terms with what is causing the stress, or seek help from someone else at the Medical Complex. Many more attacks of this severity will kill you.'

Only Zax looked unmoved by that bald announcement, but then he was so exhausted it was difficult to be certain if he had understood what he was being told.

'There must be something you can do.' Fright made Monica shrill.

'If there was I would have done it. There is no physical cause for Zax's symptoms. None.'

'You're not suggestin' he's imagining it,' said Eddy truculently, one hand on Zax's shoulder, as if for some much needed reassurance that the magician was alive.

'More or less.' Zax's mouth twisted in an approximation of a smile.

'You over-simplify,' chided M7619, sinking onto the chair provided for him. 'May we talk?'

Zax abandoned hope of being allowed to sleep in the near future. 'Of course.' He sipped from the glass of water Galen handed him, noting with no more than academic interest that his hand was still shaking.

'You have been in more stressful situations without experiencing this level of pain?'

'Yes.'

'What about while you were recovering on the Island after you'd lost the use of your power?' said Eddy gruffly, feeling guilty that he had failed to notice anything had been wrong.

'That was nothing like this.' Zax frowned as he struggled to isolate the memory which disturbed him the most. Little by little the fog in his brain began to clear. Something about the quality of his stillness prevented anyone from interrupting him.

'It was nothing at all like this,' Zax added some time later. The relief in his voice made everyone look up.

'In what way?' asked M7619. 

'This time, when the pain began, I felt...something. Or _someone_. I won't pretend that I'm not terrified at the thought of appearing in front of an audience again, not least in case they turn on me, but that won't stop me from going back on stage. I need to, I've learnt that much about myself. These attacks since we arrived in China aren't stress-related. They're just that, attacks. From an outside source. Which means I can stop them.'

'You can guarantee that, can you?' said Galen aggressively. He had been badly frightened. By the time he had arrived the worst had been over; the look of those around him, even now, told him how bad it must have been.

'Yes. Someone in China has the ability and will to attack my mind. It never occurred to me. But it should have done, particularly since it happened on the Island - just before the audience turned on me. A successful entertainer always has enemies. I didn't expect to find any here, or not so soon.' Zax flexed his shoulders. 'Now I know to protect myself there shouldn't be a problem. Attack from an external source would explain several things which have been troubling me.'

'That sense of being distanced from us?' said Galen.

Zax nodded, glanced at the troupe and thought the better of what he had been about to add.

'And that outburst this morning,' continued Galen.

Zax avoided looking at the troupe. 'Perhaps.'

'Who would - could - do this to you?' demanded Galen, a black rage building in him.

'If I knew that I'd stop them.'

'You're taking this pretty bloody calmly!' exploded Galen, needing to vent his fear and his anger on a safe target.

Zax gave the ghost of a smile. 'So would you if the alternative was to believe you were going mad.'

Galen fell silent, understanding now what it was Zax had been so afraid of. 'You should have told me,' he murmured, sounding both protective and helpless, and with no thought to their avidly listening audience.

Open affection on his face, Zax touched his arm. 'I know, but I didn't want to - '

' - worry me?' completed Galen, before he, too, smiled, resting his forehead against Zax's for a moment. 

'Is such an attack on the mind of another really possible?' asked M7619.

'It happened to Zax on the Island,' pointed out Eddy. 'It only takes a different power to the kind he has, not to mention a different inclination. Nasty, innit? Something'll have to be done.'

'It will be,' said Galen, grimly determined on that, despite the fact he had no idea how to locate an invisible enemy.

'That is the least of my concern,' said M7619. 'Zax, if it is within your power to protect yourself from attack I urge you to do so.'

'I already have. Check your scanner,' Zax added, with a hint of mischief which would have been beyond him only minutes before. He sat on the edge of the cot to give a cautious stretch, as if becoming reacquainted with his own body.

M7619 stared from the scanner to Zax and back again. 'I do not pretend to understand what you have done, only that it has been effective. Every reading has stabilised.'

Zax nodded. 'The best explanation I can give is that my mind is now shielded from attack.'

'Then you were right,' said Bob. 'Someone in China is trying to kill you. Look at the change in him,' he said to the others. While the marks of physical exhaustion remained, Zax had the look of a man relieved of an intolerable burden. 

M7619 nodded and replaced his scanner in the medikit. While he did not dismiss Zax's explanation he still believed the root cause to be internal stress. But for now it was enough to see the improvement in Zax's condition. This respite would give him time in which to win Zax's trust to the degree where he would be willing to seek help from those qualified to provide it.

'You should rest. With your first performance scheduled for tomorrow night you will need all your energy.'

'He won't be fit enough!' protested Monica.

'Yes, I will,' said Zax calmly. While he made it to his feet in one movement, he was less than steady once he was vertical.

'I look forward to the performance,' said M7619 with truth, before he made his farewells.

No one attempted to break the silence after he left until Galen said briskly, 'It might not be late but we're all exhausted. Let's get some sleep.'

'But not here.' Eddy could not forget it had taken six of them to hold Zax down.

'I was thinking more in terms of our house,' said Galen patiently.

There was a general movement towards the door. Only Zax remained where he was, staring at the floor.

'Are you all right?' asked Eddy, returning to his side.

That concern, so natural to Eddy, stung. Zax could not forget, or forgive, how close he had come to crippling the other man. 'I'm fine,' he said, but he did not meet Eddy's eyes.

'Then shift your arse. I'll give you a hand if you need it.'

'Only because my aim was off!' Zax slumped onto the cot as abruptly as if he had been pushed, his haunted gaze on Eddy's small, plump hands, which had the power to create such magic.

'You what? That thing with the knife had nothing to do with you.'

'Didn't it?'

''Course not. You say you don't remember, I believe you. You think it all stems from your mind being attacked, I agree with you. Viciousness has never been your style. You might have a diabolical temper, and it's true you've never been backward in taking it out on us, but never the way you did this morning. We should have remembered that.'

'Don't make excuses for me, Eddy.'

'He's right,' said Bob, crouching in front of them. 'We should have remembered that.'

Zax exhaled shakily and began to talk quietly and very fast, as if afraid that if someone interrupted him he would not be able to continue. 'There's something I never thought to say to you - all of you - before, and I should have done because you can't know it from the way I behave. I love you all. You're a vital part of my life. I've always known I'm not easy to live with. In the past it mattered little to me whether people chose to stay around or not.' He forced himself to look up and meet their eyes. 'Now, when I've driven you away, I've learnt that it matters more than I know how to say. And I'm sorry for whatever I said and did to you. So very sorry.'

There was a short, disconcerted silence.

'Who said we were leaving?' said Bob aggressively, hating to see Zax like this.

'You did.'

'I was angry. We all were. That doesn't mean we're going through with it. When you collapsed - '

'That excuses nothing,' said Zax flatly.

Eddy snorted. 'I'm all for a bit of humility but don't get carried away. What Bob means is that what made us angry wasn't your fault. We can't deny we deserved a bollocking for being late and hung-over. We've got no gripe with that. What happened afterwards wasn't your style at all. Think about it, if you were as bad as you're making out we would never have stayed with you all these years. Soon as we'd got some money together we'd've scarpered. And thanks to you, it wasn't long before we got some money together. That's the truth, and you know it.'

'And if we're so wonderful why didn't any of us realise there's been something wrong with you all these months?' added Bob. 

'You should have told us,' scolded Monica lovingly.

'You hold out on me like that again and so help me...' Stopping, Bob brushed back the lank hair which was falling into Zax's eyes. 'You wouldn't cripple a Regulator, never mind Eddy. Don't change, we love you the way you are - more or less.' Smiling, he kissed Zax on the cheek.

In danger of being overset by their generosity of spirit, Zax nodded because he didn't trust his voice. Seconds later he was surrounded. The effort he made trying to respond to their warmth drained what tiny reserve of strength remained to him.

Monica spotted it first and took charge 'Let's go home.'

Zax allowed himself to be drawn into their midst and steered out of the theatre. Galen made no effort to intervene, knowing that Zax and the troupe needed time to repair what had come close to being broken.

 

 

'Will he be all right by tomorrow?' asked Eddy, standing by Galen's side as they watched Zax sleep. The fingers of one hand were twitching and he was clearly dreaming about something unpleasant.

'He's not going to want to cancel the opening night. The sooner the first show is over the better.'

'Yeah. You should've told us. Though how we missed the fact something so serious was wrong...' Eddy sighed, fidgeted and transferred his weight from one foot to the other. 'You know you can rely on me and the others to look out for him tomorrow, don't you?' he said earnestly.

His affection needing some expression, Galen took him in a fierce, qick hug. 'I've known that for a long time. So has he.' He paused for a moment. 'When he heard what he'd tried to do to you... He was devastated, Eddy. He still is.'

'No surprise there. Leave it to me, I'll make sure he sees sense. We need to find who's after him.'

'Oh, I plan to. But for now...' There was a moment when Galen did not trust his voice not to break. 'I almost lost him, Eddy.'

'All the more reason to get into bed and have a cuddle. I'm off.' Eddy gave him a quick kiss and an affectionate smile when it was returned, before he left, closing the door behind him.

oOo

Galen moved from half-asleep to fully alert when he discovered Zax was not beside him. He relaxed when he glimpsed movement outside the window and saw Zax performing a series of warm up exercises, if with less than his usual grace. Galen would have gone out to him but was not sure if Zax would welcome company. His dilemma was resolved when Zax spotted him and called out a greeting.

Galen pulled on a robe, slid through an open window and ran over the grass to join him. 'You look terrible,' he said by way of greeting. 'And stiff.'

His ribs still heaving, flushed and damp from his exertions, Zax gave him a brief kiss. 'If you think this is bad you should have seen me when I started. A legacy of yesterday, I suppose.'

'So long as you don't wear yourself out.' Galen had no idea what Zax's usual routine before a show might be and was reluctant to mention the subject until necessary.

'I'll have the energy for tonight.' It required more effort than Zax had anticipated even to mention it and he grimaced. 'I admit I'm nervous. Nerves won't stop me from going on stage this evening and once I'm there it's my intention that everyone should enjoy themselves. Don't look so worried. It'll be right, you'll see. Are you wearing anything under that?' he added, a familiar light in his eyes, but the effort he was making showed.

'Would you rather I left you alone?' asked Galen, with true heroism. 'Be honest, I won't take offence.'

Zax looked at him for a moment, his hunched shoulders slowly relaxing. 'Yes, you don't mind?'

'Of course not.' His tone was so convincing that Galen almost believed it himself.

 

Galen had never known a day to pass so slowly, yet conversely too fast, with no distractions to occupy his mind. As he wandered around the grounds he glimpsed various tense-looking figures, but they headed in the opposite direction the moment they saw him, obviously not wanting company.

It was only when he was alone again that Galen appreciated how odd it felt. How lonely.

 

Unable to locate Eddy when it was time to leave for the theatre, Taruna scribbled a note for him before Zax transported them on stage.

'And we thought this would be an easy way to make a living,' he said wryly.

'It beats sweeping the floors,' Bob said.

'I suppose it must do.'

'Menial labour's hardly your style.'

'I do my share around the house,' defended Zax.

'You do?' said Galen, politely amazed.

Sade was too busy panicking to notice the exchange. 'Where's Eddy? He should be here by now. What if he doesn't turn up?'

'Relax, love, I came in early to check on things,' Eddy said, ambling on stage. 'And before you ask, everything's fine. Those kids Galen hired are out front, ready to deal with the doors, issue tickets and see people to their seats - and that they stay in 'em, of course. The toilets are working fine now. The sign boards look a treat, girl,' he added, slapping Sade on the rump.

'What happens if Zax has another attack on stage?' said Sade.

It was a point which had been preoccupying Zax but he managed a crooked smile, while everyone else glared at Sade. 

'I wasn't intending to relax my shields tonight but if I should have an attack - '  
'You won't,' said Eddy flatly. 'But that reminds me. I thought I'd get us a bit of insurance, save you worrying about any trouble coming from the audience.'

'Insurance?' said Galen, who wore three knives concealed about his person and a look of grim determination.

'Yeah. I went out trading earlier. Got this. You won't 'ave any trouble with the audience,' Eddy assured Zax, as he produced a stun gun from behind his back.

Everyone took an involuntary step away.

'Fucking hell,' breathed Galen. 'Is that thing loaded?'

'It wouldn't be much use if it wasn't, would it?'

Galen took it from him and checked the safety catch while Zax began to laugh.

'I don't see what's so funny,' said Eddy. 'I thought it might take a weight off your mind.'

'Oh, it does,' gasped Zax, one arm slung around Eddy's shoulders. 'It's just that I never expected to have to stun an audience into submission. You're crazy and I love you for it.'

'And you're going to be late if you don't get changed,' said Monica prosaically. 'Do you want any help?'

More relaxed than he had been all day, Zax shook his head. 'Galen will be here if I do. You're not bringing that with you?' he added, when he saw Galen had the stun gun tucked under one arm.

'Well I'm not leaving it with Eddy.'

'What are you going to do with it?'

Galen's terse, 'Lose it,' was just audible as they moved out of earshot.

'Whatever made you get that, of all things?' said Sade in a furious whisper.

'I thought it might take Zax's mind off the show. It worked, didn't it,' said Eddy with an unrepentant grin.

Taruna gave him a fond look. 'I knew there was a reason I loved you. You can explain where you got it from later.'

With no intention of doing anything of the kind, Eddy gave a vague nod and headed off for his claustrophobic booth before the audience should arrive.

 

Galen watched the transformation taking place, breaking the silence only when Zax tucked the last strand of hair under his wig. 'I'm glad Monica didn't cut your hair.'

'I thought you might be. That's why I asked her not to.' Zax examined his reflection with a critical eye, running a finger along the line of kohl to smudge it a little more.

'For me?' The question was muted because Galen was beginning to feel distinctly unwell.

'And me. One skinned rabbit between us is one too many. I could understand you keeping your hair short while we were travelling, because of the problems with lice, but couldn't you grow it now we've settled down? Even an extra half inch would give me something to get hold of.'

Zax turned at the sound of retching to see Galen throwing his heart up down the sink.

'First night nerves?' he asked matter-of-factly, when he judged Galen to be in any state to hear him.

'It must be,' said Galen, taken aback by his body's betrayal. He took the towel being extended to him with a nod of thanks.

'Better?' Zax handed him a glass of water, relieved to see that Galen's face already had more colour.

'I think so.' Rinsing out his mouth and spitting with vigour, Galen looked rueful when he straightened. 'I'm not exactly helping, am I?'

'You have and you are, just by being here.'

'That's something, I suppose.'

'It's everything, and you know it. Stop being modest, it isn't at all in character.' Zax experienced an unaccustomed pang of guilt that Galen, who could face Regulators without a qualm, should be reduced to this on his account. 'It's time I reminded all of us what entertainment is supposed to mean. Warn the others that I'll transfer on stage rather than making a conventional entrance. Centre front. I may as well start the way I mean to go on.'

Galen swallowed all the useless words of reassurance that were locked in the back of his throat and managed a convincing smile. 'I'll tell them.' He paused at the door. 'But if you go on like that it won't leave you much for an encore. Although they'll love the outfit.'

Naked except for his make-up, wig and a leather gauntlet, Zax cocked an enquiring eyebrow. 'I didn't think you were in any state to notice.'

'Wrong again,' said Galen, making Zax smile.

 

Just when Galen thought he could bear the waiting no longer, the house lights dimmed, the hint of music quieting the final excited murmurs of the audience as the curtain rose on a darkened stage.

Then Zax was there.

The show had been underway for almost an hour before Galen was prepared to admit that the weakest link was Zax, his performance no more than a flawless technical display. There was no spark or warmth, his attention focussed inwards rather than on those in front of him. For those who had no way of knowing what was missing it was enough, the audience greeting the conclusion of his latest appearance with an inward gasp and rapturous applause.

When Zax, his face sombre and unearthly-looking in the eerie light, stepped forward to bow to the audience something flew up from the first row, striking him on the forehead. Already straightening, Zax took an involuntary step back as he caught the light object fluttering down his face. It was nothing more than a mistimed tribute. Blood red where it nestled in his cupped hand, the flower was a chilling reminder of what it could have been.

Aware that something was wrong, without understanding what it could be, the applause of those in the first few rows faltered as Zax stared out over the footlights. Shock had ripped him from the sterile cocoon in which he had been performing, his attention focussed on his audience for the first time that evening. Trained long since in every aspect of stage-craft, within moments Zax was attuned to them, his barriers melted by the joyous delight they were exuding. It was beyond him to turn away from it and he moved to the edge of the stage, his smile unstudied and sweet as he studied them in his turn.

The audience were ecstatic, their applause gaining momentum as they awaited his pleasure.

Zax tossed the flower lightly in his palm, waiting until they were quiet. His voice reached effortlessly into the farthest corners of the auditorium. 'Thank you for this gift. Had I known you wished for flowers I would have come prepared. As it is, I must share this with you all and trust it will be enough.' 

He flung the token of love back out into the darkness with a graceful flick of his hand. But instead of a single flower there were many, drifting gently downwards until there was no one in the audience without a subtly scented memento.

It was then, for Galen, that the show really began.

 

When at last the lights dimmed and the music stopped, proclaiming the end of the show, the silence was total for several heartbeats before the applause crashed out in a swelling roar, the audience surging to their feet, cheering and whistling and shrieking their appreciation.

Disconcerted to discover that his eyes were wet, Galen slipped backstage, leaving the troupe, with Zax at their forefront, to receive the homage of their audience.

The applause sounded even louder backstage and gave no indication of abating. From his vantage point in the wings Galen watched Zax step forward, gesturing for silence. 

'It's late and time for us to part company.' Despite the length of the show disappointment rippled through the sea of bodies. 'There will be many opportunities for us to meet again. On behalf of myself and my friends,' Zax gestured to the troupe, 'I offer one final diversion - a tale as old perhaps as time itself.'

As intrigued as the audience, who had sat down again, the troupe sank onto the stage, their costumes whispering around them in the quiet. There had been no hint of this at rehearsals; there again, they had never had a response like this before.

Intent only on gentling the fervent excitement he had built, knowing too well how easily it could lead to violence, on this occasion Zax used no trickery. The house lights remained on as he began to speak, his soft, deep voice drifting into the silence. Too experienced not to know when he had won their attention, the lights dimmed by almost imperceptible degrees until he spoke out of the darkness, into the darkness, the velvety timbre of his voice changing with the tale of love and loss and final happiness.

When the story was told the lights slowly came on to reveal an empty stage. The curtain came down for the final time.

The audience lingered for a long while, their eyes still fixed on the glorious visions created for them. They made little noise for so many. What it was they waited for none of the troupe lurking in the wings could have said because they had never known an audience like this one. But then they had never been part of a show like this one.

Eventually the scraping of chairs, the soft murmur of voices and the shuffling of feet faded away. Monica peeped through a chink in the curtain and gasped before drawing it back so the others could see the front of the stage, which was heaped with the small, sweet-scented flowers Zax had sent out into the audience.

'They repay love with love,' she whispered, staring at the empty auditorium.

'Money would have been better,' said Bob. But he was already sifting through the flowers, selecting one which he tucked in Anike's hair. 'Not that we'll ever forget tonight,' he said to her.

' _Forget_? I saw what Zax did, I had a small part to play in it and I still don't believe what I saw and heard,' she said wonderingly.

'Believe it,' said Rhian, her face alight, 'because I saw it too. He was...'

A moment later they were all talking at once as they left the stage, including Galen in their midst without a thought.

'...danced so well...'

'....timing was perfect.'

'Man, that was something!'

'It wasn't bad,' conceded Eddy. 'Bob, you were awesome, mate. If I wasn't so straight I'd fancy you myself. Monica, your voice has come on a treat, girl. The song was perfection. Even Zax was applauding. Girls, you looked fantastic and I've never seen you dance so well. Zax's voice was tight on his opening number and he took it too slow. But after that...' He could maintain the pretence no longer. 'Did you hear them?'

It was an unnecessary question. The waves of sound and love which had led Zax to take the unprecedented step of returning to the stage were still ringing in everyone's ears.

'I thought he would keep going all night! The show lasted over five hours and I never wanted it to stop,' said Sade. Wonder in her voice, her expression was oddly vulnerable. 

Rhian tucked an arm around her and hugged her tight.

'You weren't supposed to,' said Zax, amused.

The door to his dressing-room swung open in invitation, to reveal him seated at his dressing table, smiling at them in the mirror. Already bare of make-up and stripped of his stage trappings, the aura of what he had created clung to him still, drawing them like moths to a lamp glowing in the darkness. Untouched by strain or fatigue, lit with triumph, he found time for them all.

Galen found a quiet corner while the troupe analysed every second of the performance with a noisy exuberance. He felt at a loss and isolated despite their attempts to include him, aware that the mysterious alchemy which bound performer and audience was a world which would always be strange to him. He had never expected to envy that fact.

Tonight, as he had promised, Zax had proved his mastery, even over the spectres from his past. Returned in triumph to his rightful place, free from the shadows which had clouded him since they arrived in China, the change in him was gloriously unmistakable, his vitality evident from his thick, springy hair to the quick, graceful gestures of his hands, self-doubt banished as if it had never been.

Galen wondered how this exotic, charismatic figure could ever need someone so dull and clumsy. Beyond one fleeting smile Zax had given no sign of noticing him but he was not a child who required constant attention in order to feel secure.

Depression flooded over him as he tried to accustom himself to the fact that he must take second place to what would always be Zax's greatest love. He longed to be alone to come to terms with it but would not leave because it might look like a rebuff and he wanted nothing to mar the triumph Zax had won for himself with his warmth and his grace and his artistry. It was a moment before Galen became aware that everyone had stopped talking and were eyeing him in expectant silence. 

'What?' he asked, looking around. 

'It wasn't important,' dismissed Zax. 'I was just proposing a toast to the Master of the Revels.'

'He means you,' said Sade, when Galen failed to respond.

' _Me_? I didn't do anything.'

'You don't think so? Never mind,' said Zax, recognising Galen's mood and understanding something of its cause. 'I'll explain when we're alone. Good night.' He directed a pointed look at the door.

Confused but prepared to cooperate, Galen looked surprised when Zax caught hold of his wrist. 

'It's everyone else who's leaving. Now.' Zax snapped his fingers and the door swung open.

'Subtle,' said Eddy, grinning.

'That's only half your luck,' said Zax, giving Eddy a sudden fierce hug and a quick kiss. 'Don't celebrate too hard, don't be late tomorrow and... Thank you. More than I know how to say.

'Monica?'

Galen had never seen Zax so physically affectionate or so emotionally open with the troupe and they, of course, responded with characteristic warmth. It was some time before the last of them left. When the door closed behind them Zax gave a slanting grin. 

'We'll be lucky if they can remember their names by tomorrow, never mind the routines.'

'They have reason to celebrate. Why aren't you with them? No one who saw you tonight will ever forget what they saw and heard.'

'They will,' said Zax realistically. 'Though I enjoyed it myself, once I remembered I had an audience.' He rubbed the small scar on his forehead. 'Was the first hour very dull?'

'It was...proficient.'

'That bad? At least I made up for it. Tonight I feel...' Zax paused, searching for the appropriate word. 'Happy,' he said, sounding surprised. 'This is where I belong.'

'No one who saw you tonight could doubt that. If I didn't know better I'd say you were drunk.'

'Intoxicated, certainly. Be warned, Zax is himself again,' intoned Zax, with a degree of self-mockery. His expression gentled as he ran his fingers down Galen's arm to take his hand in his own. 'Let's be intoxicated together. I sent the others away because you looked a bit lonely.'

'I was, for a while. I didn't expect you to notice.'

'You'll learn. You I always notice.'

'How do you want to celebrate?' asked Galen, despite the fact nimble fingers were busy unfastening his clothing.

'Guess. I'm glad this isn't a jumpsuit. By the time I've got you out of one of those I've usually lost the will to live, never mind my hard-on.'

'You've got the energy?'

'And the inclination,' confirmed Zax, easing an unresisting Galen onto the narrow cot.

 

Galen woke up back at the house, in their large, comfortable bed, with food prepared and waiting at the bedside. 'I fell asleep,' he said, rubbing his face.

'I did notice the difference,' Zax assured him. 'But at least you stayed awake when it mattered most. Think of the blow to my ego otherwise.'

'I don't care what anyone else thinks, that's still your greatest trick.'

Zax stroked the cleft of Galen's buttocks with the side of his thumb and considered the compliment. 'Not quite,' he said. 'And when you're awake enough to enjoy it I'll prove as much.'

Galen studied him, remembering the dizzying, carefree joyousness which had loved him so sweetly when he had expected a swift, fierce possession. Rather than giving, he had been coaxed into sharing, their climax a leisurely rocking embrace which had seemed to last forever. 'I was talking about your cooking,' he said, eschewing romance.

Zax had given his heart to guileless blue eyes some time ago, and had yet to appreciate how often Galen played on that fact, so this response was the last thing he had expected. He laughed so much that he gave himself hiccups, his threats of retribution having done nothing to impair Galen's appetite.

Zax was still plagued by hiccups when they went back to bed, which did little to further their amatory plans. 

Eventually even he conceded defeat. Hollow-boned with laughter, Galen straddled the man beset with untimely convulsions. 'Don't just lie there. Where's your fighting spirit? They can't last much longer.'

'Want to - hic! - bet?'

'Try holding your breath.'

'Well stop stroking my b-balls. I can't - hic! - concentrate.'

Galen tucked his hands in his lap.

Zax held his breath for so long that he began to turn puce, rescued only by a minor internal earthquake.

'There's no need to go to extremes,' said Galen.

'You're not - hic! - taking this seriously,' accused Zax, whose diaphragm and stomach were beginning to ache. 'These damn - hic! - cups are wearing me out.'

'A shock's supposed to get rid of them.'

'What, sympathy from you?'

'Stop complaining and shut your eyes.'

'Why?'

'So I can give you a shock.'

'Not - hic! - bloody likely.' Fatigue dragging at him, Zax gave a heartfelt moan of protest.

'I love the way you suffer in silence. Try drinking out of the wrong side of the glass. Concentrating on that might stop them.'

Zax looked dubious.

'Trust me.' 

Zax looked into Galen's eyes and was lost, much against his better judgment he did as he had been told.

Drenched in cold water, having soaked himself and the bed, Zax gave his drowned prick a disgruntled tweak. 'I know it wasn't much to pin your - hic! - hopes on but now look what you've - hic! - done.'

'I might've known it would be my fault. Leave it to me.' Galen used a corner of the sheet to dry off Zax, taking longer than was strictly necessary in some areas. The staccato upheavals made concentration difficult for both men. 'You're not trying,' accused Galen, conceding defeat.

'I am,' protested Zax indignantly. 'But - hic! - Sod it, I'm so tired. I'll ravage you in the morning. Move over, this half of the mattress is - hic! - wet.'

Balanced on the edge of the bed, Galen viewed him with an indulgent eye. 'Don't you mean ravish?'

'I know what I mean,' mumbled Zax, rubbing Galen's calf with his foot. 'Good night.' There was a final convulsive hiccup, then silence.

Yet to accustom himself to the enviable speed with which Zax could go from relatively alert to unconscious, Galen gave a resigned sigh and settled down.

An hour later, while snuggling closer to Galen and away from the cold, damp spot behind him, Zax inadvertently pushed Galen out of bed. 

Galen peered up with indignant disbelief at the blissfully sleeping face above him and considered methods of homicide. Then Zax gave a small wriggle, curling up in an unconscious effort to keep warm, and Galen melted. Appalled by his own sentimentality, he trudged around the bed, edged over the wet spot and plastered himself against the welcome heat of Zax's body.

Half an hour later Zax landed on the floor, his ensuing stream of invective enough to wake the dead, never mind Galen.

In the interests of harmony they abandoned the soaked mattress to spend the rest of the night on the cushions in Zax's practice room.


	23. Chapter 23

TWENTY THREE

 

Zax looked up as Galen paused at the entrance to his dressing-room. 'What did you think of the show?'

'Not a lot.'

'No,' acknowledged Zax, unruffled. 'I don't know why it's like that some nights, it just is.'

'The audience didn't seem to notice the lack.' Galen edged into the room, which looked as if a whirlwind has passed through it. 'Were you late again?'

'I wish you'd stop harping on about my time-keeping. No, for once I wasn't. Why?'

'The state of this room. What have you been doing?'

Zax shrugged, as if surprised by the mess. 'I was looking for something. I can't remember what now.' He turned back to the mirror and rummaged for the cold cream.

'Aren't you ready yet, I'm starving?'

There was a thump at the door, which opened to reveal Bob. 'There's a kid hanging around outside. Says he wants to see Zax and isn't going until he does.'

'I don't see anyone,' said Zax.

'We've already told him that twenty different ways. He's been here every night since we opened.'

'He'll get tired of hanging around eventually,' said Zax, before he looked up sharply. 'This kid. Is he small and skinny, with ears that stick out at right angles?'

'That's the one,' confirmed Bob. 'He wants lessons from you. You don't want to see him then?'

'The only thing I want to see is your backside heading out of here. I'm having a very bad evening. Lousy performance, having my charms rejected in favour of food - '

'Reminds me,' said Bob, 'Anike said to tell you it's your turn to cook tonight.'

Galen gave a muffled snort and failed to dodge the cushion Zax threw at him.

' - and now some street urchin decides he wants to be a magician. Bring him in.'

'Eh?'

While it was Bob who spoke, it was Galen's jaw which dropped.

'You heard me, bring him in. Just make sure he doesn't steal anything on the way.'

Bob's eyes narrowed. 'What are you up to? You've already lumbered me with teaching M9111 to juggle. I'm not having any more pupils.'

Zax held up his hands in surrender. 'You won't, I swear. I might get an apprentice after all.'

'You've flipped,' said Galen, settling on the cot as Bob disappeared from the doorway with a wave of his hand.

'You think so? Hang on, why is it my turn to cook again?' 

'It isn't, they just enjoy watching you erupt. Although you are better than the rest of us.'

'That's not saying much,' Zax pointed out.

'Don't clean off your make-up,' said Galen. 'No need to let the kid see what you really look like.'

'He already knows. He's been following me round the Maze.'

'Are you sure?' Galen grimaced when Zax narrowed his eyes. 'Of course you are.'

Bob reappeared with a familiar figure trailing behind him. 'He wouldn't give a name. I stopped him from stealing any units on the way in but you'd better nail down anything you're fond of.'

'Thanks.' Zax snapped his fingers and the dressing-room door swung to a close, leaving Bob in the hall and the boy inside.

An exaggerated swagger betraying his nerves, the boy took in the unglamorous clutter, his disillusioned expression making it obvious he had been expecting something better than this. 

'I understand you want lessons from me, in what?' Zax drew a cigarette from the air and the boy swallowed his gasp of amazement.

'Wot d'you fink?' 

'That if you expect to leave this room with all parts functioning you'll put that hoop back where you found it, moderate your tone and wipe the snot from your nose.'

With a feeling he was going to enjoy this encounter with Zax's far-from-adoring acolyte, Galen remained unnoticed in the corner of the room.

A small gold hoop slid from a capacious sleeve, which was brushed under an undistinguished nose. 'Satisfied?' said the boy in a gruffly hoarse voice.

'You have courage, or perhaps you simply lack an instinct for self-preservation. You claim you want to become a magician. Convince me you have some ability.'

'Wot?' The boy gaped at him.

'Are you deaf or merely imbecilic? Convince me.'

'I'm 'eathy, always 'ave bin.'

'And you're now in danger of being too clever for your own good. You're not from China.'

'Nor are you. Wot of it?' The boy began to fidget under Zax's cold gaze, his chin jutting in defiance.

Zax flicked his cigarette into oblivion with a deliberately flamboyant gesture that drew the boy's attention. 'I'm still waiting for you to prove yourself. What makes you worth teaching?'

'You know,' said the boy with certainty.

'What makes you think that?'

'First time we met, when I - '

' - picked Galen's pocket. I remember. That's hardly a recommendation.'

'No, well, I didn't know it was you, did I? I mean, it's not like it's obvious.'

Zax ignored the muffled snorts of hilarity coming from where Galen sat. 'No. But you knew me, for all that. Was that why you set my cloak on fire?'

The boy shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes sliding to the door, as if assessing his chances of escape.

'Fire-raising could get you lynched. You proved you have the ability to create fire, can you control it? Convince me you're capable of more.'

'But I didn't - '

' _Do it_!' Zax's voice cracked like a whip.

In the silence which followed Galen watched the boy's face turn crimson with some kind of internal effort. Without warning the dressing-room door was flung open with a rending sound of torn wood, splinters of which scattered across the floor.

'Is that enough for you?' demanded the boy breathlessly, a kind of shocked pride on his face.

Zax's expression had not changed. 'If you'd thought to depress the metal catch before you opened the door I wouldn't need a new frame. You destroy even while you try to create.'

Only then did Galen accept that the skinny child in front of him had just achieved the impossible.

The boy thumped down on a chair. 'That's why I want your 'elp,' he admitted grudgingly. “Most of the times when I try, nofink 'appens. I never created fire till that time on the street with you. Never done this before neither. Not that it's goin' to earn me anyfink. Less someone catches me, of course.”

There was an expression on Zax's face which Galen was not sure how to interpret. 'If I teach you how to summon and control your power, what do you intend to do with it?'

'That's my business.'

'If you want my help it becomes mine.'

'Then you'll teach me!' There was a blaze of elation on the thin face.

'No. I don't take pupils. We would do one another nothing but harm.'

'Then why did you make me - ?'

'I wanted to know if you have any ability. You do. Don't try to force it. When the time's right for you to use it, you'll know. But be careful, the world has a harsh way with those who are different. The life of an entertainer can be a good one, the stage will bring you riches in plenty, if you want them.'

The boy's expression lightened with relief. 'Look, if it's money that's 'oldin' fings up...'

'If that's what you think you're wasting both our time. You know where the door is. Goodbye.'

'You can't make me go,' shouted the boy.

Galen heard the despair beneath the anger and knew that the joke, if it had ever been that, had gone on for too long. 'Zax,' he warned.

The next few seconds were a blur. Galen discovered he was lying against the wall, a tingling numbness fading from his right side. He patted himself down with his left hand, relieved to discover that everything seemed to be in working order. He knew an almost overwhelming desire to laugh when he saw the consternation on the boy's face. Then he glimpsed Zax's expression.

'I'm all right,' he said quickly.

'And you could be dead.' Zax helped Galen to his feet and settled him on the cot before he turned, his expression murderous.

The boy, who had seemed frozen to the spot, made a choked sound of panic and fled.

Galen lurched to his feet, blocking Zax's route after the boy. 'Let him go! I swear he didn't mean to hurt me.'

Zax ran unsteady hands over Galen, searching for any sign of injury and finding none. 'You're sure you're all right?' He touched Galen's cheek with the back of his hand.

'Positive.' Galen kissed his wrist. 'Really.'

'He could have killed you. Indiscriminate, uncontrolled - '

'That's why he came to you for help.' Galen rubbed the small of Zax's back before taking his hand and twining their fingers. 

'Don't be so reasonable. I thought he'd killed you.'

Galen nuzzled Zax's throat in an unashamed attempt at diversion.

Zax sighed and kissed Galen on the nose. 'It was partly my fault. I handled that badly.'

'No one likes to be laughed at, particularly not at that age. You were hard on him.'

Zax exhaled irritably. 'He isn't my responsibility. He isn't yours either. Let him learn as I had to.'

'I thought you were more generous than this. Are you jealous of his power?'

Zax looked more surprised than angry. 'I don't have any reason to be.'

Galen made himself comfortable on the cot. 'Why did you agree to see him? The quicker you tell me, the less time I'll have to lose my temper,' he pointed out.

'Not helping. Remember those attacks I had? Well today confirmed that he must have been the one causing them.'

Galen was halfway to the door. 'I'll - '

Zax steered him back to the cot. 'Lie down before you fall down and stop over-reacting. While he's the source I'm almost positive he didn't know what he had done. When he tried to pick your pocket, I made him angry, remember? Before he ran off my cloak began to smoulder. I told myself I could have caught it on a brazier but I knew I hadn't. At that age the emotions are so intense.'

'You're telling me that kid was the one who almost killed you with those attacks?'

'Yes and no. I doubt if he's had the power long. Mine seemed to arrive with puberty, although I could do the odd thing before. I presume it's the same for him. He's at least ten, he could be an undersized fourteen. Along with puberty, he discovers this power he can't control, at the same time he hears there's a magician in China. So he tries to find me. This is no starry-eyed disciple, I'm just a means to an end.'

'That doesn't explain him attacking you.'

Because Galen had a better colour, Zax humoured him. 'Power seeks out power. Since I started shielding myself he's been cut off from mine, without ever knowing he had had access to it. It's no wonder he reacted the way he did. I wish I'd realised sooner,' he added, with a trace of pity.

'Whether he knew it or not, he nearly killed you. What if he latches onto someone else who can't shield themselves?'

'While I don't claim to be unique, there aren't many magicians around.'

'Which means it's up to you to help him. No one else can. You have a responsibility to him.'

'No, you think I do. There is a difference. I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be.'

'Are you? I didn't mean that,' Galen added instantly. 'But this isn't about me.'

There was no challenge in the look Zax gave him but it stung nevertheless.

'It isn't,' insisted Galen, before he paused to think about it. 'I suppose I like it when you commit yourself to something you don't want to do because of what I've said.'

'I know. Don't bristle. I want the same from you, sometimes. Do you seriously imagine I would discuss my decision like this with anyone else?'

'That's not much of a concession.'

Zax realised what he had just said and grimaced. 'You're right,' he said, wryly apologetic, 'it isn't.'

Disarmed, there was open affection on Galen's face. 'Well, at least we agree on that much.'

'Let's go home. The brat will be long gone. Besides, you're still shaking after that attack.'

'Exactly,' pounced Galen. 'If he tries that with someone weaker than me he could kill them.'

An exasperated breath wafted past him. 'Either I didn't explain properly, or you weren't really listening. He won't attack anyone else. He couldn't even if he wanted to. He has no power of his own, only the ability to recognise and borrow power from others. He was leeching mine until I shielded myself.'

'If he can still tap into your power when you're shielded - '

'I dropped my shielding. Don't glare at me like that. It was the only way I could think of to test him.'

'That explains the door. What about the attack on me?'

'The first time could have been a fluke. I needed to double check so I dropped my shielding a second time. It never occurred to me that he would attack you.'

An unwilling smile tugged at Galen's mouth. 'You'll drive me to drink yet. If that boy's got any kind of ability, even if it's only as a leech, the Controller needs to know. And I don't understand enough to explain it to him.'

'You don't imagine _I'm_ going to do it?'

'Well someone has to. Don't they?'

Zax maintained a stubborn silence but his glare slowly faded to a look of resignation. 'I suppose so. You realise the Controller will expect me to teach the boy?'

'You can't expect whatever talent he has to develop naturally while he's feeding off you every chance he gets.'

'I know it isn't that simple. It'll work out.'

Galen gave him a speaking look.

'I'll think about it. But that's all. Do you have _any_ idea of the responsibility of trying to train a little bastard like that?'

'I've been working with you long enough to get an idea.'

'One more word and you'll be walking home.' 

But Zax held Galen tighter than was necessary when he transported them back to the house.

Galen let the subject drop until they were in bed. 'You will do something, won't you?'

Zax rubbed his nose on the pillow. 'What about?'

'The pickpocket.'

A moment later Galen was half-smothered beneath a blanketing weight, Zax's hands clamping his head still. The kiss, born of frustration, changed in mood by degrees, until they were exchanging soft kisses of deepening intensity.

'What am I going to do with you?' murmured Zax huskily, his prick nudging Galen's thigh.

'Improvise,' suggested Galen, thoughts of sleep forgotten.

'And?'

'What d'you mean _and_?'

'And what do I get out of it?'

'Me, of course.'

'Not enough,' dismissed Zax airily.

'This is no time to negotiate.'

'It is if you've got the upper hand.'

There was a short, energetic interval which left Galen breathless, his wrists caught above his head.

'All right, all right. I'll come with you to the Controller. How's that?'

Distracted by Galen's prick, which was nudging his balls, Zax struggled to concentrate. 'Who said I was going to be the one to tell him? Did I hurt you just now?' he added, when Galen grimaced.

'What? No. It's just that there's this itch I'm dying to scratch.' 

Zax released him, then sighed and slumped forward when Galen took advantage of his freed hands.

'You'd think I'd have learnt better than to trust you,' said Zax ruefully.

'I didn't say the itch was mine,' pointed out Galen, easing a second finger into Zax, making him shiver and sigh.

'Are you trying to bribe me?'

'Of course. Is it working?'

'Are you telling me you could stop?' A slit-eyed glare dared Galen to even think it.

'No, but I got you worried, didn't I.'

'You're a bastard,' said Zax fondly. 'But you're a well-hung bastard so consider me bribed.'

 

The following morning a sleek looking Galen took a sulkily complaining Zax to see the Controller. There were few surprises in the conversation, which was terminated when Zax stalked out, his face set with temper. Galen trailed after him.

'One word,' Zax warned him, without turning.

'How did you know it was me?'

'I could hear the anxious breathing. You want the brat trained to the paths of righteousness, you do it. End of subject.'

Galen decided to try a subtler line of approach - he kept quiet.

By the time they left the former Centre, Zax had tucked his arm in Galen's and absent-mindedly plucked a cigarette from the air. To Galen's relief none of the passers-by seemed to have noticed, so he refrained from commenting.

'Are you in a huff, or just working out arguments to convince me?' asked Zax.

'A bit of both. For all the good it will do me.'

'Ah,' sympathised Zax, heading for the nearest exit.

'I didn't realise how much you disliked the Controller.'

The set of Zax's shoulders betrayed his tension. 'Can one dislike a machine?'

'You seem to. I just wondered why.'

'Too much depends on your Controller.'

'Not for those with nowhere else to go. It might not be perfect but it's the best option we have at the moment.'

His mind moving from the original source of their disagreement, Zax said. 'There's very little about Controllers in any reading I've done. On the Island, Bruce sought a soul.'

Galen avoided his eyes. 'So?'

'What if, one day, your Controller decides he wants the same thing?' Alerted by the quality of the silence, Zax slowed to a halt. 'All right, what is about the Controller I'm not supposed to know? When I first investigated his power source I was surprised by the contact because it felt as if there was....' His eyes widened. 'Oh, no. You're not telling me the Controller has a soul?'

'Not here. We'll talk on the Exterior.'

'Which will give you time to come up with a convincing story,' said Zax, as they emerged into the sunshine.

'I haven't been in the habit of lying to you,' said Galen mildly.

'You haven't been in the habit of confiding in me either. Here we are. Not another person in sight. Does the Controller have a soul?'

'I should have known you would guess. It isn't spoken of, or widely known, but, yes, the Controller has a soul, or whatever you want to call it.'

'Soul will do. Who did the Controller steal it from? Or doesn't it matter?'

'It was a gift, freely given.'

'You're telling me someone volunteered to become part of a machine?'

Galen nodded.

'And it will only end when the machinery finally stops functioning.' Despite the heat, Zax shivered and hugged his torso. 'When did it happen?' He looked like a man who felt his worst nightmare breathing down his neck.

'Long before I came here.'

'You weren't born here?' said Zax, surprised.

'No. Sector K.'

Zax stared at him, wide-eyed. 'You told me you'd travelled a bit but... How did you survive a journey of that magnitude? Never mind,' he added, tucking his arm back in Galen's, 'you can tell me when you feel like it. So this joining of man and machine took place some time ago?'

'About thirty years or so. A small group of Numbers decided something had to be done. So they did it.'

'How many'

'You knew there was more than one?'

'I knew nothing for certain. But I wondered. How many?'

'Three men and a woman. You should talk to the Controller. He'll tell you what you want to know.'

'I'm sure he would,' said Zax, a mixture of revulsion and fear on his face. As if becoming aware of his surroundings he took off up the hillside.

Not knowing what else to do, Galen followed him.

'How did you guess about the Controller?' Galen asked, a considerable time later. His clothes clung sweatily to his back and legs, his calves protesting at the speed of their climb.

'What? Oh, I didn't. Not for certain. There was just something odd. I could maintain life in the Maze,' Zax added, with seeming inconsequence.

'You think I brought you here to end like that? Never. I swear it. Besides, the Controller would never force you to do that. He couldn't,' added Galen, doubt beginning to creep in despite himself.

'I think you're right when you say he couldn't, but I'm not convinced he wouldn't try if the opportunity arose. Why bother to bring me here? There are plenty of entertainers in the markets. While they're nowhere close to my standard, they'll improve. In a few years China could be self-sufficient in entertainers.'

'The Controller isn't the sole decision maker. There's a Council of Names and Numbers, even a few of us half-breeds. We help coordinate the relief work and try to gauge what will be needed for the future. You did so much good on the Island that the Council assumed that not only were you someone with the ability and compassion to lead others, but that you would be willing to take responsibility for your actions.'

'That's the problem,' said Zax, with none of the fireworks Galen had been expecting. 'It's because I do take responsibility for my actions that I've learnt to be wary of what I undertake.'

'And now you're feeling pressured.'

'That wasn't an easy excuse but the truth. I admit I don't want the bother of the brat. That isn't my only reason. I could do more harm than good. It isn't an exact science, or something I can teach - like the ability to read. No two people are alike, equally, no two people with power will use it in quite the same way. That's the danger. I could mould that boy into a second Zax when his talents might lie in another direction entirely. The result could be...explosive.'

Galen absorbed what he had been told. Zax was many things but a liar wasn't one of them.

'Sod it. I hadn't thought of that.'

'I didn't think you had,' said Zax with a trace of complacency, certain he had dealt with the problem once and for all.

'Still, it's not an insurmountable problem. It just means you'll have to be extra careful.'

It took Zax a moment to realise Galen was serious.

oOo

'So what did you really do to the kid?' asked Bob.

'Nothing,' said Zax, with a trace of indignation.

'Are you sure?' said Anike.

'Even Zax wouldn't do anything to the boy,' said Eddy.

'I'd like to think so,' said Taruna, looking doubtful.

'Of course he wouldn't hurt him,' said Galen, springing to Zax's defence.

Five minutes later he had given them an abbreviated report of their every contact with the boy.

Zax waited until he had finished before informing Galen he had been set up.

'Like taking sweets from a baby,' said Eddy, rubbing salt in the wound.

'But why shouldn't they know?' asked Galen, bewildered.

'No reason at all,' said Zax. 'But then they would have had to ask. Far more fun to wind you up first.'

'I still wonder what's happened to the boy though,' said Anike. She looked self-conscious when several people stared at her. 'The Maze is no place to be by yourself, is it. _Is it_?' she insisted.

'I suppose you want me to go and look for him,' said Bob in a long-suffering tone.

'We could all look.'

'I've already checked out the areas around the theatre, and asked a few questions.' Galen avoided Zax's gaze.

'Oh, so's Zax,' said Eddy, collecting a murderous glare.

'You lying sod,' said Galen, with a spreading grin, before he kissed Zax. 'You're getting soft in your old age.'

'Just cautious,' said Zax, very much on his dignity, before he surrendered to the expression in those blue eyes. 'I thought I'd go farther afield tonight.'

Galen's grin faded when he heard which sector Zax had in mind. 'Why don't we all go?'

'You're comin' on,' said Eddy with approval. 'A few months ago you wouldn't 'ave thought we were capable of looking after ourselves out there.'

'You aren't,' retorted Galen. 'But you won't be alone because I'll be with you.'

'Only if I bring you,' pointed out Zax with a grin. He won the ensuing scuffle because Galen lost his footing on the clutter littering the floor.

'Gerroff,' wheezed Galen, as Zax bounced on his stomach.

'Say please nicely.'

'I'll say something else in a minute. You've put on weight.'

'Regular meals and contentment,' said Zax easily.

Galen reeled him in until Zax was leaning over him, their mouths only inches apart. 'And are you, content, I mean?'

'By and large. When I'm not being bossed to death.' Zax softened the blow by kissing him. 

A sharp prod in the back some time later made Zax look up, his mouth a little swollen.

'You haven't got time for all that now,' Eddy told him severely. 'We've got a show to give.'

'Go away,' said Galen.

'If you had any finer feelings you would have left us to it. The others did,' said Zax.

'They left because the show's due to start in twenty minutes.' Eddy waited only to see the dawning consternation on Zax's face before he ambled off.

Despite the scramble to be ready, the performance that night was the best of a good week.

 

After a quick meal, Zax transported them all to look for the boy. They stayed in a group because Galen wouldn't let them split up and they had learnt it was easier not to argue when he wore that particular expression.

'Hang about.' In his excitement Eddy's fingers dug into Zax's forearm as he held him back. 'There. Hear that?'

'What am I suppose to be listening to?'

'That! Concentrate!'

Zax sighed and leant against the nearest wall. He cut out the obvious sounds of bustling life and the background hum of air conditioning units. In danger of dozing off under that soporific hum, he jumped when Eddy's agitated face peered into his.

'Well?'

Accustomed to Eddy's obsession in life, Zax pushed him away with a tolerant sigh. 'I can't hear anything resembling music. Can we catch up with the others now?'

'You must be goin' deaf. It was this way.' Eddy launched himself down a dimly lit alleyway, the indignant faces and occasional shouted obscenity marking his route.

Zax pitched his voice to carry, calling out to Galen who, with the others, was some way ahead by this time.

Galen had his shepherding technique down pat by now and made a quick body count before raising his eyebrows at Zax. 'What?'

'Eddy took off after saying he heard music. I couldn't. He went down that alley behind the kebab stall. He'll be safe enough, won't he?'

'Probably. But once he gets caught up in music his common sense goes out the window. ' Galen gestured for the others to follow him.

The rubbish strewn alleyway wound and twisted through high-walled buildings and squat, precariously constructed houses. Eventually the alleyway widened out onto a communal area, in which they glimpsed a familiar shaggy head of hair, noticeable only because it was fair amongst so many dark heads. In the slow-moving stream of people the maimed and the whole jostled for space, the simple-minded staring with wide-eyed apprehension at the austere, jumpsuited figures of the Numbers, who tried to appear unconscious of the attention they were attracting.

'What kept you?' said Eddy, as the breathless troupe swept up to him.

Sade knew he was innocent of ironic intent but that did not reduce her irritation, aware that her hair was halfway down her back and that she had torn her dress. 'Shut up, Eddy,' she advised him, still breathing hard. 'We can't all be as fit as you.'

The jibe by-passed him. 'Anyone know what it's in aid of?'

'We hoped you might,' said Galen, with acid self-restraint.

'Nah, I just followed the music,' said Eddy.

'Quite mad,' said Taruna, patting him on the bottom.

Eddy turned away to talk to the people behind them. 'Excuse me, love, d'you know where that music's comin' from? That sound,' he added, when her blank expression didn't change. He hummed a few bars to demonstrate what he meant.

The woman offered a vacant smile, which revealed the absence of teeth, and bobbed her head vigorously. 'Pretty,' she crooned. 'Prettyprettypretty...' Her voice rose until she was quietened by her companion, who glared at Eddy, suspicious of his intentions.

'Er, yes, it is,' he said weakly, moving to the next group of people. He discovered the common tongue wasn't as common as he had assumed and gave a sigh of frustration.

'Leave it to me,' said Galen, who had spotted a familiar face farther down the line. He began to worm his way through the crowd, drawing the others after him like brightly coloured beads, joined by their clasped hands.

'Oy, Nita! Where's that music coming from - and why?' he asked, by way of a greeting. He had worked with her on several rescue operations and knew she could be relied upon to give him a sensible answer.

'Galen, I didn't expect to see you in this sector! The music comes from a newly set up theatre. There's to be one performance tonight before the show moves on. I thought you would know, given your association with _Zax's Theatre of Glamour_. Or so I heard,' she said, without any attempt at sublety.

'The Controller instructed me to offer any assistance that might be required,' said Galen, looking bored.

Nita nodded wisely. His disagreements with the Controller were too well known to be newsworthy. 'There's no point my asking what Zax is really like, I suppose? There's a lot of speculation about him.'

'I've heard some of it,' said Galen, remembering how shocked he had been the first time he had overheard the sexually explicit gossip. 'What you see on stage is what you get.' He realised his mistake when Nita all but salivated. 'Zax lives only for his art.' That piece of pomposity received a well-deserved look of contempt from the Chinese girl.

He waited for her to recognise Zax, who was standing beside him, yet to accept that the majority of people saw only what they expected to; they expected more of Zax the Magician than a wiry man of medium height with untidy hair and a broken face.

'Perhaps it's as well that he remains a mystery to his audience. The reality might be disappointing.' Nita's tone made it obvious that she doubted it.

'It would,' said Galen in heartfelt tones. He jumped when, out of Nita's line of vision, Zax pinched his backside.

'This show is causing much excitement. There has been no entertainment in the sector for years. People have been speculating that perhaps Zax might appear.' She looked disappointed when Galen shook his head. 'Does he plan to tour the Maze?'

'I'm sure he will, in time. He'll have only just finished his own performance.'

Her face dropped in obvious disappointment.

Aware of a glow of pride on Zax's behalf, Galen smiled. 'You enjoyed his show that much?'

'Enjoy? You have no soul. What he does is... You're joking, of course.' She yelped when someone lurched into her. 

Bob saved her from falling.

Her automatic thanks changed to a delighted squeak of recognition. 'Aren't you Bob Jangles, from Zax's Theatre of Glamour?'

'Yes, he is,' said Galen. 'A few of the cast had the night off and decided to use their free time to explore a new sector.'

Nita was focussed on Bob. 'But this is wonderful! I've seen the show four times and you are - '

'Not so loud,' begged Galen, trying not to laugh at the chagrin of the women, who had gone unnoticed. 'We don't want everyone to know who they are.'

'Who are these entertainers?' asked Bob, preening under the unaccustomed attention, while taking care to avoid Anike's eyes.

'No one knows. The billboards only appeared this morning.' Nita paused in her thorough assessment of his person to glance at the crowd stretching out behind of them. 'You may get a seat.'

'You reckon?' said Bob.

'I'm sure of it.' Anike hugged his arm in a gesture which combined reassurance and possession. Nita was small, exquisite and she hated her. 'Don't let us detain you,' she added to Nita, showing her teeth when she smiled.

About to protest that she was not in any hurry, Nita found herself being edged away by three other women she had not noticed until now. Nobody's fool, she conceded defeat and rejoined her own party.

'Very subtle,' adjudged Eddy, giving Anike a look of affection.

'What was?' said Bob, his eyes on Nita's back.

'Nothing,' said Eddy, in the interests of peace. 'We should check out the opposition. It will make a change to see someone else doing the work.'

'Let's split up,' said Galen. 'We'll never find seats together - and we could attract unwanted attention.'

'Oh, I don't know,' murmured Zax. 'I could take to Nita with no trouble. Did you notice her legs?'

'And she only had eyes for Bob, so come on,' said Galen tolerantly, as the troupe paired off.

He eased them into the flow of the crowd, still worried that someone might recognise Zax. Their shuffling progress eventually brought them to a garish sign bearing the colourful legend _Reagon's Theatre of Magic_ , here for their Delectation and Delight. Galen tended to doubt it when he saw the expression on Zax's face. 

'Have you heard of this Reagon?' he asked.

'No, but that's not surprising. The world's full of entertainers.'

'Why are you looking so pensive, does the idea of some competition worry you?'

'Competition?' 

Uncertain whether that lack of comprehension stemmed from inattention, or an always healthy ego, Galen left well alone. 'If you're tired we could go home. The others can hitch a ride on an air trolley, I gave them enough tokens.'

'And miss the performance?' There was a pronounced bite to Zax's voice which made Galen wary. 'By no means. I'm in the mood for mystery. Let's test this spellbinder's art.' 

They paid and moved into the makeshift theatre. Low-ceilinged and many pillared, the auditorium was packed with rows of flimsy benches and it was already so crowded that the air was stifling.

'This Reagon certainly know how to pack them in,' murmured Galen.

'Too many.' There was a disquieting expectancy about Zax.

Aware that none of his questions would be answered while Zax was in this mood, Galen sat back, prepared to be entertained. There was an echoing thud as the doors leading out of the auditorium swung to a close, the house lights going off at the same moment. The cessation of moving air and loss of light was unnerving, leaving the crowd trapped in a weighted darkness, unease mingling with their anticipation. Then light glowed from the stage, recorded music began and dancers and tumblers appeared on the makeshift stage. To Galen's gratification their performances did not came close to those of the troupe. The show was oddly lacking, failing to engage the audience, who began to fidget. The solo acts which followed possessed a certain of skill but they made no attempt to win over their audience, greeting applause with a hint of patronage, as if it should be theirs, as of a right. As hungry for diversion as they were, the audience sensed and resented that disdainful arrogance.

Then a slight figure of a woman came on stage. Zax moved once, then was still, with the immobility of a hunting cat before the motion that presaged the kill. She seemed an unlikely focus for such intensity. By now it did not occur to Galen to comment, aware only that there was something going on that he did not understand.

When the poignantly sung song ended the singer was well-received and her narrow face lit up as she accepted the acclaim of the audience she had won for her own. Yet it was her black eyes burning in a martyr's face which Galen remembered as she stepped back into the shadows to announce the arrival of the man they had waited so long to see. Light flared and Reagon was there, half-bare and beautiful, clothed in the colours of the sun, he gave a captivating smile. The audience cheered and whistled and stamped their feet, stirred by nothing more than the fact that he was beautiful and theirs, if only for a moment.

While Galen's applause had none of the frenzy of those around him, there was an appreciative glint in his eyes. He turned to share his pleasure and felt a slither of apprehension when he glimpsed Zax's expression.

Reagon commanded their silence with a simple gesture. Uncritical and adoring, the audience were eager to worship, his to do with as he would. It was a rare presence which could achieve this level of rapport so quickly, thought Galen, Reagon Zax's equal here. 

When he spoke, Reagon's voice was a silken seducer, oddly reminiscent of Zax. 'What is it you seek from me, I wonder - a sibilant song, conjuring tricks, or perhaps you look on me to lighten your darkness? There are already those, skilled in their own small way, who can give you that. I offer more. We are all accustomed to trusting the evidence of our senses. It isn't necessary to be bound by such limitations. Perceptions can be changed. That is my gift to you.'

There was no warning burst of music or change in the lighting, just the abomination of watching the limber, golden beauty of the man mutate.

His skin crawling with revulsion, Galen grabbed Zax. 'What the - ?'

'He's a shape-changer.'

Galen's stomach gave an uneasy lurch, what was taking place on stage throwing every sense into revolt. 'Why must he do this?' he asked, aware of the mounting terror of those around him and the potential for disaster if panic broke out in the locked and crowded auditorium.

'Because he lacks both judgment and feeling for his audience.'

'You know who he is?'

'Don't you? No matter, you'll meet him in due course.'

Galen could think of few people he wanted to meet less. 'You never see anyone after a show. What makes you think Reagon will be any different?'

'Experience. Be quiet, the worst may yet be to come. Don't worry, I'll stop him before they riot.'

Music slid into the auditorium with the menace of a barely glimpsed knife blade. Impossible to ignore, it seeped into the consciousness, setting teeth on edge. Behind the shockingly altered figure of Reagon, strange, vast images appeared, assaulting the mind even as the auditorium seemed to tilt, everything sickeningly out of kilter.

Galen closed his throat against growing nausea and managed to look away. His revulsion eased when he realised that skilled technicians accounted for much of what was taking place. The music was an unhallowed collection of sounds which seared the senses; the light increased until it revealed them to be stranded on the Exterior of decades before, the land laid to waste. Then the swollen ground erupted, spewing up the dead and dying. The terror of the audience who had been hurled into Reagon's hellish vision was a living thing. Above the screams and shouts were the crashes as the benches were knocked over as people rushed for the doors, trampling those less agile and those who had fainted.

Their position mid-row gave them a degree of safety. Galen glanced at Zax and saw the triumph on his face. 'You know him.'

'No, I never knew him at all.'

'Of him then. Who is Reagon?'

'He has as many names as he possesses faces - Vilander, Bevis, Roc. Much joy may they bring him.'

'Bevis?' Galen tried to remember why the name should sound familiar.

'The Illusionist.' Zax's voice was a caress. 'And tonight he's mine.'

Galen realised they were watching the man who had almost succeeded in destroying Zax and cursed the fact he had only one knife and that they were so far from the exit. At least Bob and the others had been amongst the first to escape, which was one worry less. With Zax ripe for confrontation it was obvious that only violence would make him leave. 

'What are you going to do?' he asked. 

'Stop him,' said Zax simply, although by that time the noise level was such that Galen read the intent rather than heard the words.

The images and music cut out, a single spot lighting the creature which occupied the stage. Part man, part woman and with a suggestion of something which was neither, the face was a twisted horror. The few who still remained in the auditorium fled. The form blurred and ran, if as being reshaped by some monstrous hand, before it settled unnervingly into an enraged Reagon.

'Who dares to interfere?' His voice echoed in the emptiness.

Zax rose to his feet. 'I dare.'

'Who are you to stop _me_?'

'Is your memory so poor? My name is Zax.'

'I should have known,' snarled Reagon.

'One would have thought so. But you would want to forget your failures. You weren't even an efficient thief.'

'What do you possess that I could want?'

'That's a question you can answer better than me. It wasn't my idea that you should parade your inadequacies in public. Leave, there's no place for you here.'

' _You_ would command _me_?' His confidence recovered, the face Reagon wore melted down, reforming one into another while the neck and torso remained unchanged. Somehow that made the sight even more shocking.

'Galen, get out, fast,' commanded Zax, his eyes never leaving the thing on the stage.

'I'm staying. What about the rest of the cast and crew?'

'The dancers are harmless, the crew have fled. Stay behind me and keep quiet.'

'Have you no answer for me, _conjuror_?' sneered Reagon, changing shape again, and what dominated the stage was Zax himself.

Zax studied the image without discernible emotion. 'At least I'm content to be myself. Can you say the same?' 

He relaxed when he realised Reagon was no immediate threat to anyone, except possibly himself. The toll he had taken of his strength during the evening was obvious, the changes of shape labourious and muddled now. 

Zax headed for the stage, using the benches as stepping stones, aware of Galen no more than a step behind him all the way.

There was a noise from the wings and Galen saw the female singer rush on stage, her head-dress askew as she slid to her knees beside Reagon, dragging at what could have been his arm. She failed to gain the attention of the thing which writhed and moaned on the bare boards.

'Stop him! He'll burn himself up!' she cried hysterically.

'Then let him burn,' said Zax with hard-edged venom. 'It's more mercy than I've received at his hands.' He eyed the thing slumped on the stage with near clinical detachment. 

Ina began to cry in earnest as she became aware of her own danger.

Zax sighed, the aura of menace which had surrounded him dissipating. 'It's over, Ina. His power isn't to be trusted, surely you can see that. Are you happy with him?'

'Happy!' Her cheeks streaked with mascara, she stared at him in disbelief. 'Who expects happiness?'

Galen clamped down on a surge of jealousy when he realised she was Zax's former lover.

'You don't have to stay with him,' Zax said.

Ina raised her head, her face betraying her hope that she might be able to salvage something of her former life. She gave Zax a tentative smile and tried to tidy her hair. Her movements slowed to a stop when his lack of interest forced her to admit he had offered only a dispassionate statement of fact rather than an offer. Anger made her shrill. 'What's left for me? What will you do to me?'

'Nothing.'

'You expect me to believe that?'

'Save your energy, you're safe from me,' Zax said, with a kind of bored distaste, knowing Ina's judgments reflected her own behaviour.

'Why?' she wailed. 'I don't understand.'

'You don't matter enough,' he told her with brutal truth. 

'I've had enough of this place. Let's go home,' he added to Galen.

'What about him?' Galen pointed to Reagon.

'He won't dare perform in China again, the audience would tear him apart. Let him live out his life in obscurity. Nothing I could do would hurt him as much as that.'

'You're going to let him go after what he tried to do to you on the Island? Well, I'm bloody well not!'

Zax's grip on Galen's arm tightened. 'He isn't worth the heartache, and you're not an executioner. His ego feeds on notoriety, its lack will kill him more surely than we could. He's less than nothing. Forget him. We have out own lives to lead. Come with me?' 

Galen hesitated, finding it harder to dismiss Bevis' potential to do harm, but he allowed himself to be persuaded. They had only taken a step or two away when his instinct for danger made him glance back to see light on metal, the knife in Bevis' hand seemingly appearing from nowhere and thrown with consummate skill. The attack came so fast Galen had only time to leap forward to protect Zax's back.

Impetus and some unseen force thrust Galen into Zax, before he collapsed, striking his head on the side of a pillar. Half-conscious, he was distantly aware of a woman's scream, then the irritation of something wet running over his ear and neck. It required too much effort to wipe it away.

'Galen?' Zax wriggled free of the weight pinning him to kneel at his side.

Galen tried to smile his thanks as the dampness over his ear was wiped away. He thought Zax must be speaking to him and tried to concentrate but the buzzing in his ears drowned out everything. It was hard to breathe.

Oblivious to any threat from Bevis, Zax ran his hands lightly over Galen's torso, knowing he must be badly injured but unable to discover by what. While the cut on his head was bleeding profusely, the wound was shallow, scalp wounds always bled a lot. He took great care as he eased Galen onto his side.

The sound Zax made when he saw the jutting obscenity of the knife haft echoed through the auditorium, until it was buried beneath the laughter from the man dominating the stage.

' _Nothing_! Does this look like the work of _nothing_? I scored a greater hit than I knew. Is your lover dead?' Bevis' eyes were brilliant with a malicious delight.

'Galen?' whispered Zax.

His only answer was bubbling gasps for air. Afraid to touch the knife or the wound, and knowing he must deal with this greater threat first, Zax got to his feet, only now acknowledging Bevis' presence.

Ina saw the expression on Zax's face and moaned, cutting off the sound with her cramped fingers, terrified of attracting attention to herself as Zax tracked his quarry. 'He isn't dead yet,' she exclaimed.

'Go to him and you die,' said Bevis. 'Bitch! Did you think I didn't know that I was second best? And to this!'

'Ina, move away from him, stage left,' instructed Zax, his voice a monument to self-control. 'Leave the theatre. Don't come back, there will be nothing left for you here.'

Trapped between them, her indecisive gaze flicked from one man to the other. Seconds after she leapt from the stage it caught fire, flames obscuring the place where Bevis had stood. She screamed and ran from the conflagration. Within seconds there was only an empty space. Metal fell from high above with a clanging thud, sending ash up into the air. She whimpered and curled in upon herself, waiting for the building to collapse around her.

All that was important to him bleeding to death, Zax was back at Galen's side. His own breathing unconsciously taking on Galen's tortured rate, he was paralysed with fear. He could not think what to do, afraid that whatever he did would kill Galen. As the sticky warmth continued to well between his fingers he tried to batten down his panic. He left the knife blade in place without knowing if he did the right thing, his palm pressed to Galen's heart, learning its rhythm.

'I didn't know he would do that. I didn't, I didn't!' Ina wailed, terror-stricken.

Zax looked at her blankly. 'I don't suppose you did.'

She sank back onto her heels, hugging herself but when she dared to look up she was alone in the auditorium, with only a stain on the floor to betray where the two men had been.


	24. Chapter 24

TWENTY FOUR

 

Zax slid his hand from the lax fingers curved around his own and left the chair he had occupied since Galen had been brought into the small room to recover. 

He hardly seemed to be breathing. Not for the first time, Zax bent his head to check, shaken by this brutal reminder of the fragility of life; but then he had never had so much to lose before.

A sound from the doorway broke his reverie and he nodded at M7619. 'Galen hasn't moved. Are you sure he's all right?'

'I am certain. He is asleep, aided by medication. His body requires time in which to heal. You can see from the monitor that his condition has stabilised. But I forgot, you do not trust machines.'

'I trust Galen to you,' said Zax steadily.

'Then why do you doubt that he is making an excellent recovery? You might lack conventional medical skills but you possess a gift of immeasurable worth - that of channelling your energy to sustain life. We both know you do not require the aid of a machine to tell you of any change in Galen's condition.'

Still betraying signs of shock, Zax grimaced. 'I can't be certain of anything any more, except my own inadequacy.' His muted voice was unsteady, eighteen hours of terror for Galen having taken their toll. 

He air-brushed the lank hair from where it clung to Galen's forehead, finding it difficult to believe anyone could be so devoid of colour and live. He had never seen Galen so still and it terrified him.

'Trust your instinct regarding Galen. It enabled you to keep him alive.'

Zax firmed his unsteady mouth. 'I didn't know if it was safe to... I didn't know if I would kill him instead.'

'You gave him life, not death.' It was a battle M7619 lost every day.

Zax was too tired to hide the other doubt which had been plaguing him. 'No one should have that kind of power over another. No one.'

Temperamentally unsuited to philosophical debates at the best of times, M7619 was in no mood to contemplate one now. 'Would you be happier if Galen had died, leaving your principles intact?'

'You cold bastard! This is Galen we're talking about not some abstract concept!'

'I cannot allow myself to become involved in the welfare of every patient. There are too many. I would be unable to function as a man, let alone as a medic.' M7619 had the sound of someone trying to convince himself.

'Have you ever tried?'

M7619 bit back an angry retort, aware that his jealousy of Zax's ability to save lives so effortlessly was to blame for this. 'Have you - before today?'

'Of course not. Like you, I wouldn't be able to function if I allowed the world too close. I tried to explain that to Galen once, his reaction was similar to mine just now. I apologise. It's ridiculous to blame you, it's just... I didn't know I could feel like this,' Zax muttered, looking lost, tired and desperately unhappy.

'Galen will sleep for many hours. This sharing out of your strength cannot continue. There is a danger that he might become dependent on you, which would be harmful to you both.'

'I must leave, just for a few hours. I need to speak to the Controller before tonight's performance.'

His memories of Zax on stage still vivid and joyous, M7619 remembered the energy which had poured from performer to audience. 'You are not in any state to perform tonight, nor can you want to.'

'Eddy sent word that an audience has already started to arrive. What am I supposed to do, tell them I'm tired? I'll be back after the show. Not because I don't trust Galen to your care but for my own peace of mind. If he should... You'll send for me, if I'm needed?' For a moment Zax's fear was on naked display.

M7619's expression softened as he remembered his own anxiety when Shula had been injured two decades ago. 'You will be called. But I expect any changes to be for the better. Barring infection, Galen will soon be recovered enough to be making a nuisance of himself. Why must you perform tonight?'

'News of Bevis will have spread already. Those who come to my theatre tonight will be there because they trust me. I won't throw that trust back in their faces.  
There's a saying amongst entertainers - probably as old as the need to perform - that the show must go on. And it always has, through wars, insurrections, famine and holocaust. So I hardly think my lack of sleep constitutes an acceptable excuse. I must go.'

Zax got as far as the door before his resolve broke, unable to shake off his irrational fear that Galen's condition would deteriorate the moment he left the room. 'Look after him for me?'

'We will. Wait,' M7619 fumbled in a pocket, before hurrying over to Zax. 'Take this call-note. You will contact whoever is on duty by depressing this button. Do not lose this. More importantly, do not allow Eddy to take it apart.' His final admonition was rewarded with a faint but genuine smile.

'I won't. Thank you,' added Zax with real gratitude, before he left the Medical Complex.

The routeways were crowded. His mind wholly on Galen, Zax was jostled more than usual, until finally he cannoned into someone and stumbled. He waved an apologetic hand as he recovered his balance.

'So I should fink. 'Ang about.'

Only the drag on his sleeve made Zax realise he was being addressed. The belligerent face seemed vaguely familiar. He took the line of least resistence. 'Yes?'

'I didn't recognise you for a moment. You changed your mind then?' The boy was about to elaborate when he recognised Zax's lack of concentration and took in the finer points of his appearance. 'Typical, I get you to myself only to find you're off with the fairies. It's me.'

'It would be,' said Zax, as recognition dawned.

'He snuffed it then. That dark-haired bloke.'

Zax's hand went to the call-note before he realised the rumour mill had been busy. The rush of relief was dizzying and he slumped against the wall. 'Galen isn't dead. You heard what happened?'

''Course. I would've seen it if I 'adn't been shoved through the door in the panic. Whoresons nearly trampled me to death. Made me miss the finale. I heard you won.'

'It wasn't a competition.'

Wise eyes studied him, as if astonished to discover such naivety in one so old. 'Not to you maybe. Never mind that. I was wondering about those lessons.'

' _Not now_!' Zax's glare was of the kind which had been known to make even Galen pause.

The pickpocket gave a rueful shrug. 'Timing's always been my weak spot. You wander around covered in blood and someone might make the connection. Who you are,' he elaborated, impatient with Zax's slow-wittedness. 'That could be dangerous.'

'Only for them,' said Zax, but the menace was gone, a weary amusement taking its place. Galen would have enjoyed this exchange. The boy certainly had the ego of an artist.

'I 'eard Reagon 'asn't been seen since. You topped 'im then. Fool, thinkin' 'e could take you on and win. Is that where your power comes from?' The boy pointed to the just visible medallion.

'Nothing so easily stolen,' said Zax absently. Acting on impulse, he slipped the chain over his head. His thumb caressed the raised design on the medallion he had worn for most of his life, wearing it now from habit rather than need.

'What's your name?' he asked, aware of an inconvenient and unwanted interest in the boy as an individual rather than as a problem.

'Sax.'

' _What_? Zax's face tightened with disbelief, an echo of a familiar song playing in his head. _My name is Zax It rhymes with Sax That's all the fax You need to know..._

Sax backed away, wondering if he should make good his escape while he still could, yet reluctant to abandon the chance of obtaining what he wanted most.

'Sax, you say. S-A-X? Is that how it's spelt?'

'I s'pose,' mumbled Sax. For the first time he believed some of the stories he had heard about Zax.

'There's no reason why it shouldn't be, of course. What's in a name, after all? Still, you may as well have this. Here.' Zax took the boy's grimy hands in one of his own and poured chain and medallion into the cupped palms.

'You wot!' Surprised by the weight as much as receipt of the gift, Sax almost dropped it.

'It's yours, in lieu of lessons.'

Too dazed to think of saying he would rather have the latter, Sax was studying his gift. 'You must be feelin' bad to go giving this away,' he said finally, with no sign of gratitude, but his fingers curled possessively over their prize. 'Wot am I supposed to do with it? I don't tart for a livin', you know.'

'You'd starve to death if you tried. You can sell it, barter it, or you can keep it as a reminder.'

'Of wot?' 

'What not to become,' said Zax, knowing the boy would not understand but too tired to care. Then he was gone, swallowed from sight by the press of the crowd.

Bemused by the unsolicited gift, Sax made no attempt to follow him but found a safe corner to examine his prize. He recognised neither the metal, nor the design raised on the face of the medallion. Judging by its weight it would fetch a good price. He could take it to Seow's melt and - Only then did he realise he had wrapped the medallion in the shirt he had stolen earlier and stowed both safely away inside his jacket.

Getting soft, he derided himself, fearful of any signs of sentiment. That was no way to survive. But he allowed the medallion to stay where it was, on the lookout for any easy mark who would provide him with the means to bargain for food and a bedroll for the night.

 

Zax's meeting with the Controller was an abrasive affair, Zax holding him responsible for the debacle which had resulted from permitting an unknown entertainer to be unleashed on an unsuspecting public.

'Your point is taken,' said the Controller. 'However, Reagon - Bevis - is unlikely to trouble anyone again. Are you planning to dispose of everyone who fails to meet your standards in such a summary fashion?'

'He almost killed Galen.'

'Who is making an excellent recovery. Bevis' aberrant behaviour does not justify terminating his life.'

'It's obvious why you were happy to give yourselves to a machine, you needed its soul. Does Galen mean so little to you?' 

'He has no relevance to this discussion. Is it your intention to appear on stage tonight?'

Braced for battle, Zax took a steadying breath. 'It is.'

'Then this conversation should continue at a later date, by which time you should be able to marshal less emotive lines of argument to justify homicide. Your performance is scheduled to begin in exactly twenty-six minutes.'

His mouth compressed on an angry retort, Zax concentrated on summoning the energy which would enable him to leave.

 

'How's Galen?' asked Bob.

'You look terrible!' said Rhian.

'D'you know the show's due to start in - ?' began Sade.

'Fine, it doesn't matter and yes.' Zax began to strip off his rank clothing.

'You'll need to shave,' said Monica. 'The razor and shaving cream is on the sink and Sade's busy mixing your paints. You're sure - ?'

'Galen will be fine.' Naked in front of the sink, Zax began to wash hurriedly, flinching because the water was cold and he didn't have the energy to spare to heat it.

'I know he will, you wouldn't be here otherwise. I meant you, are you all right?' Monica handed him a towel, then collected up his discarded clothes. The front of the waistcoat was stiff with dried blood: Galen's blood. Eddy, the only one of them to have seen Zax at the Medical Complex, had told them not to plague him with questions. Shaken by her first sight of Zax, Monica could understand why.

'Fine,' dismissed Zax, half-shaved. 'How much time do I have?'

'Nineteen minutes to curtain up,' said Bob soothingly. 'Don't sweat it. Have you had any sleep?'

Zax ignored the question and reached for a dampened sponge.

'That's what I thought. If you don't feel up to going on we could fill in for you. It won't hurt for - '

'It will hurt,' said Zax on an irritable burst of energy. 'Word of Bevis' _performance_ has spread like wildfire. Tonight we work to dispel his legacy of fear. And we all know it takes longer to win trust than to lose it.'

'You think those people out there would worry about you if your positions were reversed?' said Bob.

Irritable bloodshot eyes, accentuated by the subtle smudging of kohl, glared at him. 'I'm going on tonight.' Zax concentrated on his quarter-painted face, wishing that his hand was steadier and that he could have a few moments to himself.

'How did Galen get knifed?' asked Bob.

'Not now,' muttered Eddy, alive to the warning signs.

'Why not?' said Zax, a hard, brittle note to his voice. 'Galen and I were leaving when Bevis threw a knife at my back. Galen pushed me out of the way and...' He stopped for a moment. 'I killed Bevis and took Galen to the Medical Complex.'

It was obvious to everyone that Zax was not allowing the sense of what he was saying to touch him. Busy absorbing the fact that, for once, rumour had not lied, the troupe avoided each other's eyes.

'We thought that was the only thing which would make you kill Bevis,' said Eddy at last.

'Nice for you to be right.'

'Why didn't you stop Bevis' show earlier?' asked Eddy. 

It was a question which had hammered in his brain while he waited to hear if Galen would live, Zax welcomed it even less now. 'I was curious to see him perform, to see what kind of a rapport he would have with his audience. I forgot the audience wouldn't recognise the technology he was using. You don't need to tell me my judgement was off.'

'You're entitled to make the odd mistake.' Eddy tried not to think of the power Zax must have unleashed on the shape-changer; a power he had sworn would never be used to cause harm.

Zax knew better than to take that at face value. 'Am I?'

'You can't change what happened,' Sade said.

'No,' agreed Zax, his voice flat. 'How much time do I have left?'

'Enough,' said Eddy. 'Here, milky coffee with sugar. You need the energy boost. And a cigarette.' He patted Zax's shoulder and ambled off to his booth.

Zax fumbled in his cloak for the call-note M7619 had given him. His fingers were too unsteady for him to be able to activate it on his first attempt. 'It's Zax, how's - ?'

'Shula here. Galen woke fifteen minutes ago. His vital signs are stable, his general condition has improved, he is asleep again. At this rate he'll be off the monitor by tomorrow night. Stop worrying, have a good show and catch up on some sleep. I'll call you if need be.'

It was Monica who stopped Zax from putting the call-note to his mouth and the lighted cigarette in his pocket, relieving him of both articles.

'Well, that's all right then, isn't it,' she said brightly.

It was a moment before Zax heard her.

Caught in a rib-bruising hug, Monica gave a squeak of protest and was gently returned to her feet.

'Yes, it's all right,' said Zax. Then he smiled.

That joyous relief fuelled the show that night. Rather than wooing the nervous with a safe performance, he offered a cascade of pleasure, warmth spilling from him in an entertainment devoid of shadow or threat. While it might have relied more on sleight of hand and years of performing skill rather than magic, the audience were too enraptured to be conscious of its lack.

 

M7619 entered Galen's room and saw Zax slumped in a chair at the bedside, one hand covering Galen's even in sleep. He eyed the unauthorised visitor with a tolerant resignation.

His senses blurred by the drugs being fed into his system Galen was slow to focus but he managed a faint smile. 'Don't disturb him. It's the first sleep he's had.'

'I will not. Do not attempt to move without help. You see?' M7619 chided, as he eased Galen up.

'That hurt,' admitted Galen breathlessly.

'What did you expect, bloody fool,' growled a sleep-roughened voice, announcing the fact that Zax was semi-conscious. He rubbed blood-shot eyes, took in Galen's pale, set face and was abruptly awake.

'Don't start lecturing me again,' begged Galen, correctly interpreting his expression. 'It isn't fair to take advantage of a captive audience.'

'You wouldn't be if you'd remembered to yell a warning. I can jump out of the way just as well as the next man.'

'A simple thank you would have sufficed,' said Galen, looking put upon.

'Bloody fool,' repeated Zax, making an endearment of it. The strength of Galen's grip told him the pain was bad. Peripherally aware of M7619, he focussed on Galen. 'It's all right,' he added, when, realising the pressure he was exerting, Galen tried to release him. 'Just relax.'

'Relax he says,' scoffed Galen. White to the lips, sweat was springing up on his skin.

'Well, stop talking then.'

'Trust me to end up with a scold. I wish you'd go home and get some rest.'

'You're just miffed because I wouldn't bring you a kebab,' said Zax, stroking the inside of Galen's wrist with his thumb.

'Was worth a try.' His muscles relaxed as the pain drifted farther and farther away until he was conscious only of the soothing movement of Zax's thumb. 'Nice,' he added vaguely.

'I am,' said Zax, beginning to relax when he saw the improvement in Galen. 'Better now?'

'Much. It must be your magic touch,' joked Galen, fighting to keep his eyes open.

'Go to sleep. It's no fun moaning at you when you can't retaliate.'

'Sod off,' mumbled Galen comfortably. He slid into sleep with the ghost of a grin still curving his mouth.

M7619 had been content to remain a silent spectator, the readings he was obtaining on Galen providing all the reassurance he required. What Zax was still doing for Galen had stopped being a novelty but M7619 hoped he could coax Zax into explaining how he channelled his life force in this way. He had already accepted it could not have a general application, the drain on Zax was all too evident. One thought leading to another, he scanned Zax while he had the chance, and frowned.

'Galen is out of danger,' he murmured. 'You cannot continue to expend your strength in this profligate fashion. Do not attempt to argue, your readings will verify my statement. It will not speed Galen's recovery if you collapse in front of him.'

'I won't.'

While Zax seemed to be looking at him, M7619 knew his attention was still on Galen. 'We both know you cannot guarantee that. If you do not trust us to keep Galen free from pain I will tell him what you are doing for him.'

'Don't even think about it.' Zax rubbed his face, as if the very bones ached. 'You're saying I'm over-reacting?'

'A little,' said M7619 kindly. 'He is out of danger. Trust him to us and concentrate on replenishing your strength. I would not want _you_ as a patient.'

Zax gave an unwilling grin. 'I'll sleep,' he promised, stretching out his legs and closing his eyes.

About to point out that he would be more comfortable in his own bed, M7619 realised he had left it too late.


	25. Chapter 25

TWENTY FIVE

His dulled senses slow to register the presence of someone at his back, Zax raised his weighted head from concealment to glance incuriously into the mirror, before his face lit with relief. ' _Galen_!'

Twisting around, he was slow to accept the evidence of his own eyes, which meant he failed to anticipate the blow which sent him sprawling to the floor. The kick which followed it left him curled in a defensive ball, the second flung him back out into the centre of the room, gasping with pain. Unable to believe what was happening, he was slow to defend himself against an assailant who used every object in his path as a weapon: books; a box; the buckle end of a leather belt; the slice of a metal hoop; and finally glass from the mirror, broken for the second time in a week.

Zax stared at the wicked shard which had come close to disembowelling him and for the first time felt real fear. Blood seeping from the sweeping cut across his belly, he snatched up a blanket from the cot and backed away, managing to flick the impromptu dagger from the bloodied hand, the glass shattering as it hit the floor. His breathing laboured, he continued to retreat, his bare feet leaving bloody prints where he had cut them on the detritus littering the floor.

'Galen, don't do this to yourself. Galen?'

The other man made a low sound deep in his throat, his face almost unrecognisable in its black malevolence, as he continued his advance, trapping Zax in the corner of the room. Zax never saw the first blow, which doubled him over, the second sending him crashing back into the wall. He tried to rise, blood pounding in his ears and behind his eyes. A hammer-like blow over one kidney left him crumpled, incapable of anything but trying to breathe. Distanced, he felt fabric tear, cool air eddying over bared flesh. Only when bruising hands grasped his hips did he realise what was about to happen. A hard shape beneath his outflung hand slowly assumed significance and his fingers curled around the haft of the knife Galen had hurled at him only hours before. Zax tightened his grip.

He had killed once, to avenge Galen, why not to protect himself? He knew the target areas, knew them intimately. One thrust and -

_Not Galen._

His throat closing with revulsion, Zax sent the knife scudding under the cot, out of his reach. Out of temptation.

The hands on him tightened their grip and Zax twisted around, fighting back as best he could. His last memory was of the hatred in the darkened eyes only inches from his own, before his head was slammed against the wall. 

Oblivion was a merciful release.

 

Zax recovered consciousness some time before he found the courage to move and he regretted doing so immediately. Slumped on his knees, distanced by shock, he listened but could hear no sound beyond his own breathing. Galen had left. 

With the aid of the side of the cot and the wall, he made it to his feet. Pressed against the cool plaster, he remained still out of necessity while he catalogued his hurts, discovering nothing that would not heal. Then he moved and another source of discomfort made him swallow hard. He swallowed again, reminding himself he had survived worse than this.

He reached the cracked sink just in time, retching emptily in denial, pain spearing him with every convulsion. His senses swimming and slow to clear, the cold porcelain was his only contact with reality. The clear, cold gush of the water helped a little and eventually he straightened, the gash across his belly throbbing fiercely by this time, although the bleeding had stopped.

Propped against the sink, he surveyed the wreck of what had been his dressing room. Only the narrow cot was intact, although the bedding was covered in broken glass. As he gingerly touched a particularly tender spot on his jaw he felt the roughness of stubble. If the day was that far advanced the troupe could burst on him at any moment. How the hell could he hope to explain what had happened to room, or himself? Let alone to Galen?

Resoluately closing away thoughts of Galen, he set about removing the worst marks of the fight, moving at a snail's pace because it was the only speed he could manage. He transferred everything that had been destroyed onto the Exterior, hiding it in a concealed spot he had come across on his travels. When he noticed the broken door and the blank space where the mirror had been, he shrugged. A burst of temperament would have to account for them.

He meticulously began to prepare for his next performance, avoiding revealing silks in favour of a high-necked tunic, his make-up far heavier than usual to disguise the marks springing up on his face, although he could do little to disguise the swelling. Sweat broke through the mask of grease-paint even before he had drawn the last swirling line.

He heard the distant sound of laughter and banging doors, proclaiming that the time of the evening performance must be approaching. He had lost a day then. He reached for his wig, trying to steady his shaking fingers as he pinned it into place.

 

Aware that something was wrong within two minutes of joining Zax on stage, Monica performed her duties mechanically, all her attention on Zax as she worried how badly he might be injured - and by what. There was nothing she could do to relieve his burden and she winced at the effort it cost him to move with any appearance of ease, long strands of hair from his wig clinging to the sweat glistening at his temple and cheek and pooling in the hollow of his throat.

What little awareness that remained to Zax was given to his audience who, sensing nothing amiss, were reluctant to let him go. He managed to control them for just long enough, making only one curtain call.

The troupe were given no outlet for their concern, Zax vanishing from sight almost before the curtain had closed.

'How did he get hurt? And why has he rushed off? Is Galen all right?' asked Bob.

'When Rhian and I went to see Galen earlier his door would not open. Shula told us he'd given instructions that he didn't want to see anyone and that she couldn't force him to,' said Taruna.

'She shouldn't have to, should she? Did you tell Zax?' asked Bob.

'As soon as we got back. I don't know if he even heard us. You know how he can be sometimes,' said Taruna. 'As if he wasn't really here.'

'Judging from his performance tonight, he needn't have bothered,' said Eddy. 'He was moving like an old man.'

'Probably because he's bleeding.' Monica's voice was tart with fright. She held out a blood-smeared palm. 'I felt the damp while I was helping him but I thought it was just sweat.'

'I'm going to try to see Galen,' said Anike.

'We'll come with you,' said Rhian, and Taruna and Sade nodded.

'Bob, go back to the house in case Zax turns up there,' commanded Anike. 'Keep him there till we get back.'

'Any ideas how I manage that?' said Bob.

Anike fixed him with a steely eye. 'You'll think of something.'

She left before he could disabuse her of that idea.

 

Everyone was wilting in the fierce heat and humidity of high summer when the troupe met up again to compare notes.

'Galen still won't see anyone. The medics won't talk about it but I could tell Shula's worried about him,' said Anike.

'How did Zax get hurt, and how badly? He might need medical treatment,' said Bob.

Eddy lit a cigarette. 'I can't be the only one who thinks it's a nasty coincidence that someone beat up Zax at the same time Galen's had a relapse.'

'Galen wouldn't,' said Taruna.

'From what Galen let slip it's obvious he's hit Zax before,' said Eddy gently. 'How many people would Zax stand still for?'

'It's not fair to suggest Galen would - ' began Rhian.

'It might not be fair but it fits.' Eddy drained his glass and got to his feet. 'I'm goin' back to the theatre. Zax has used his dressing room as a bolt hole in the past.'

 

The theatre was in darkness, deserted by even the most ardent fans. While his dressing room was too full of ghosts to make a comfortable refuge, Zax had no where else to go. The house was Galen's and therefore not an option. From where he lay he heard the sounds of someone entering the theatre, from the lack of stealth he thought it was probably one of the troupe. The footsteps came closer until he saw Eddy standing in the doorway. He stayed there for so long that Zax was certain he must have betrayed himself but eventually Eddy left and all sound slowly faded from the theatre again.

His rank stage clothing clinging to him, Zax relaxed the shielding which had screened him from Eddy's sight and closed his eyes. Just for a moment, he promised himself.

 

Abruptly aware that he was not alone, self-preservation brought Zax to his feet before he was even awake, although he managed to strangle his sound of pain. He slumped against the wall, staring at M7619, knowing the medic was far too busy for this to be a social call.

'Is Galen - ? Tell me.' He pressed his palms flat against the wall behind him for some much needed support.

'It is because I am attempting to establish what is wrong with Galen that I am here. He should never have left the Complex. I take it he came to see you?'

Zax sank onto the edge of the cot. 'In a manner of speaking.' He tucked his shaking hands from sight.

'And you permitted him to leave without an escort?'

Bombarded with ugly memories, it was a moment before Zax could reply. 'Yes. Is he all right?' It had not occurred to him that the damage Galen had done to the room and himself would have exacted a price. Considering that the exercises prescribed for him left Galen shaking, there was no way he would have been fit enough to... Zax closed his eyes for a moment. The malevolence of Galen's expression seemed unreal now, only his hurt body reminding him it had been no sick nightmare.

'You have a strange way of demonstrating your concern. Galen is far from _all right_. When he collasped it was sheer good fortune that Shula was close enough to recognise him. If she had not been there he would have been at the mercy of every street hawk.'

'I thought he was making a good recovery,' said Zax, when he trusted his voice.

'He was. He now has evidence of muscle strain, burst stitches, and a damaged right hand. None of which are a cause for concern.'

'Then why are you here?'

'You did not come to see Galen after your performance tonight. Indeed, you have not visited the Centre for more than twenty-four hours.'

'I had pressing commitments elsewhere,' said Zax, pushed into the rare position of having to explain his actions.

'Then you will not be aware of the fact that since his return to the Medical Complex Galen has refused to see anyone except the medical staff.'

'Taruna told me earlier.'

'You accept that ban?'

'I wasn't aware I had a choice.'

M7619 caught hold of his hand, turning it palm upwards. 'That cut needs stitching.' His attention caught, he tilted up the light beside the cot and inhaled sharpty, understanding the reason for the thick face paint and concealing clothes. But he said only: 'This is not your only injury.'

'The mirror broke. I trod on some glass.'

M7619 was already unstrapping his medikit. 'It will help no one if you collapse,' he said prosaically, when he saw Zax open his mouth to argue.

Because he lacked the energy to argue, Zax lay back. Deft and competent, M7619 tended to him with the minimum of fuss. He worked in silence, except when he asked Zax for more light so he could remove splinters of glass from a badly lacerated foot. It took Zax several attempts before he could provide a light that was bright enough. M7619's frown deepened.

'Avoid standing on that foot as much as possible. I will give you something for the pain.'

'No. Thank you,' added Zax, in obvious afterthought.

'Wait. According to my readings you have been subjected to - '

'I know.' Zax's withdrawal was evident, despite his lack of physical movement.

'I can detect no sign of internal injury but - '

'There is none. I don't intend to discuss it with you or anyone else!' His cuts throbbed fiercely and Zax welcomed the distraction, tucking his unsteady hands from sight.

'It is not my intention to pry but what has occurred between Galen and yourself?'

'I want you to leave.'

'I am concerned about Galen.'

Zax sat up too fast and winced. 'You said it was only muscle strain.' He was aware of the ignominious shake in his voice.

'I would hardly take the time to come here to discuss something so trivial. He has been experiencing acute bouts of head pain, for which I can establish no cause. Since his return to the Complex the attacks have intensified to the point where - '

'Head pain?' repeated Zax, stupid with shock. 'Similar in severity to those I experienced several months ago?'

'Not quite so - '

'How long has he been having them?'

'I became aware of them approximately fifty hours ago but - '

'Why wasn't I told the moment they began?'

'Because Galen did not want you to be told. I concurred for several reasons, not the least of which is that it is his right, whatever I may think of his decision. Your reserves of energy were too depleted for you to be able to help him and... My colleagues are of the opinion that the energy transfers you effected may have precipitated the crisis,' added M7619 with reluctance.

His face turned to stone, Zax raised his chin. 'Do you believe that?'

'No. The attacks worsen daily. We cannot help him, I believe you can.'

'You're right, I can. Have you got everything?'

The tone of command led M7619 to check his medikit before he gave a wry smile when he recognised what he had done. 'Yes. You will come with me?'

'No, you'll come with me. Take my hand. Now!'

With the uneasy certainty that they would not be employing any conventional mode of transport, M7619 took an involuntary step backwards. 'Galen's condition, while critical, is not yet - '

'You can come with me willingly, or you can come with me by force. Either way, you _are_ coming with me. Will your cubicle be empty? Good, I'll take us there. Don't worry,' Zax added in perfunctory reassurance as he took M7619's hand in an impersonal clasp and transferred them to his treatment cubicle. 'Why didn't you connect Galen's relapse with the attacks I experienced?' asked Zax, as if there had been no interruption.

Disorientated, it took M7619 a moment to reply. 'The blow to his temple - '

'I know this is hard for you to accept, and I know you still believe the pain I suffered to be no more than the product of my imagination but... Do you think Galen, of all people, is imagining it?'

'No,' admitted M7619 with a heavy sigh. 'Which is why I came to you. Many more attacks of the severity he experienced this morning and he will - '

' - die. I can shield him in the same way I still shield myself but I may need your help to convince him it must be done. Do you trust me to keep him alive?'

M7619 stared at him in astonishment. 'Of course.'

'Well, that's two of us. Galen may take more convincing. It would be better if I could see him alone but I don't know if he'll agree.' Zax gave no sign what that admission cost him.

M7619 touched Zax's bruised cheek with a gentle finger. 'This was Galen's doing, wasn't it? I would stake my professional reputation on the fact that the hurt was inflicted on one side only.'

'Don't, I can't take sympathy right - ' Zax's voice broke, then steadied as he regained control. 'There are worse hurts than cuts and bruises. I swear he doesn't know what he...what he did. I had memory lapses when the pain was at its height, so might he. If that's the case what good will it do to tell him?'

'He has the right to account for his actions,' M7619 pointed out, thankful that his relationship with Shula ran in smoother channels.

'And what of me, do I have no rights?' Zax lead the way out of the cubicle. The stark lighting in the corridor revealed his bruised and swollen face, even beneath the paint.

M7619 sighed. 'I will remain silent, if that is what you wish. I cannot believe that Galen, of all people, intended to harm you.'

Haunted by the dark unfamiliarity of Galen's face and the cruelty of his attack, Zax gave an unconscious shiver. 'I know. But then I never imagined the day would come when I would try to cripple Eddy.'

'He understood you were not responsible for - '

'As I understand Galen. But I'd rather he didn't have to live with the knowledge. It isn't something easily shrugged aside and... He was already enraged. With just cause.'

In the act of keying open Galen's door, M7619 saw the misery on Zax's unguarded face and again offered the comfort of touch. 'I will remain out here.'

Zax nodded his thanks and took several steadying breaths, trying to clamp down on all extraneous emotion so he could focus on what needed to be done. He did not have the resources to waste energy on inessentials. He entered Galen's room without announcement or apology and immediately saw that Galen was in discomfort. The aftermath of an attack, he recognised, with near clinical detachment.

'M7619 tells me you've been having severe bouts of head pain,' Zax said without preamble.

Coldly angry at the intrusion, his memories of their encounter still raw in his mind, Galen stared at him. 'How did you get in? I left instructions - '

'I have M7619's permission to be here. Will you allow me to examine you?'

Sardonically amused, Galen settled back against the pillows with every appearance of ease. 'Is your memory so poor?'

His eyes widening with what looked like shock, colour scalded Zax's face.

That more of a reaction than he had anticipated, Galen frowned.

'It would help me to establish the source of the pain.' Zax tried not to think of the bruising hands gripping his flanks, or the hatred-thickened voice muttering obscenities into his ear.

'Why should you succeed where M7619 failed?'

'Because I've had these kind of annihilating headaches.'

It was not a new thought, just one which, until now, Galen had been able to reject as too fantastic. The idea that someone had been tampering with his mind made his skin crawl with revulsion. 'You think mine stem from that boy?' If Zax was right he had no alternative but to accept his help.

'From the same source as mine. When did they start?'

'It was my third day in here.'

Zax tensed as he heard his worst fear confirmed. He'd seen Ina on Galen's second day in the Medical Complex. Because it had not occurred to him to hide the fact, she knew Galen meant everything to him. She'd hired Bevis to attack him on the Island, she must have done it again because there were not many people who could command that level of power. Which meant Bevis wasn't dead after all. Galen his only concern, he'd never thought to check after the fire. And because of his carelessness Galen could die.

'It seems I can't do anything well,' he murmured, coming to terms with the fact that Bevis was alive, and that responsibility for the attack on Galen was his own. 'I'm sorry.'

'For what in particular?' asked Galen caustically.

'I think I turned you into a target, instead of me.' Zaxexplained his reasoning before adding, 

'The attacks have intensified as Bevis has learnt how to breach your natural defences.'

Galen gave him a look of contmpt. 'You'd rather believe that bollocks than come to terms with the fact you killed him, wouldn't you?'

Zax flinched at the deliberate cruelty of the taunt but continued to hold Galen's gaze. 'At least admit the possibility and allow me to protect you.'

'Why would Ina want me dead? You've already proved you can accommodate the pair of us.' Bitterness echoed in Galen's voice.

'You have a brain, use it,' said Zax, with his first hint of fire, his control eroded by Galen's impeccable aim. 'She hates both of us. Bevis acts only to please himself. While I don't pretend to understand why, it would please him most to see you dead and me - '

'Grief-stricken?' suggested Galen with polite disbelief. 'How little he knows. Don't worry, I'm sure Ina will be waiting in the wings to comfort you - unless you wore out your welcome with her, too. The idea's ridiculous. No one's seen Bevis since the fire.'

'He's a shape-changer. Can you think of anyone else with both the power and the malice?'

'Well, there's always you?' Intended for a jibe, it was voiced as a question.

Despite everything that had occurred between them, the shock of that accusation made Zax flinch, as if from a knife thrust. Mute with pain, he could think of nothing to say.

Ashamed, and blaming Zax for that along with everything else, Galen tried to ignore what he had just said. 'No? Well, that only leaves Bevis. Why did you come here?'

'To shield you from the attacks,' said Zax eventually.

'What makes you suppose you'll be any more efficient at that than you were at killing Bevis?' As he watched Zax's downbent head, Galen experienced none of the satisfaction he had expected. Zax seemed to have aged ten years in the hours since he had seen him last. His back muscles must be giving him hell, Galen reminded himself, and the black wall of his jealousy sealed him in again.

'I can stop the attacks, if you'll allow me to,' said Zax into the silence.

'You mean I get a choice?'

'Galen, don't!' Recovering, Zax gave a tired grimace, knowing as Galen knew that he had no choice if he wanted to live.

'No, you're right,' said Galen brightly, 'anything's better than feeling my brain fry. What must I do?'

Zax shrugged, knowing the weapon he was handing him. 'Just trust me.'

The sound of derisive laughter filled the small room.

'M7619 tells me he can't do anything for you. If the attacks continue you'll die,' said Zax, desperation bleeding through his calm facade.

'Then perhaps someone should kill Bevis.'

Braced, Zax faced his tormentor. 'I can't guarantee I could find him in time. I can guarantee I can stop the attacks.'

'Oh, enough,' said Galen tiredly, done with baiting him. 'Just get out.'

Feeling flayed, Zax could think of no way to convince Galen to trust him and left the room without demur. He met M7619's questioning stare and shook his head. He waited outside while M7619 tried to persuade Galen to barter his pride for his life. Propped against the wall, conscious of the rise and fall of the two voices inside the room, Zax wondered how long Galen had been seeing that delicious rose and ivory girl, how often they had met, when and where - and why Galen wanted her. 

It had never occurred to him that Galen would want anyone else.

He wrapped his arms around his torso, as if physically trying to hold in the pain of knowing he had not been enough to keep Galen happy. That everything he had believed in had been a lie.

A touch on his arm recalled him to the present.

'I am sorry,' said M7619, 'but we cannot compel Galen to live.' That, as he intended, roused Zax from his apathetic misery.

Zax pushed himself from the wall. 'Perhaps you can't, I've no principles left to lose. Whatever happens, don't interrupt us.'

He entered Galen's room, closed the door and stalked over to him. 'You're acting like a spoilt child, trying to hurt everyone because you've been hurt yourself. Well, be happy, you found your target. I'm in no doubt what you think of me. But if you imagine I'm going to stand by and watch you die because of bruised pride and stupidity, think again! You're going to be shielded whether you like it or not.'

A hint of colour on his too pale face, Galen sat bolt upright, his eyes narrowing. 'You think so? You must be - '

Then he could neither move nor speak, his will held in abeyance by nothing more than Zax's steady gaze. It had happened once before. Now, as then, Galen's eyes promised murder when he was free to move.

But there was no malevolence there, recognised Zax with relief, just the honesty of a coruscating rage. About to brush Galen's cheek with his finger, he stopped himself. Some things he could justify imposing on Galen, some he could not.

'It would help me to have some physical contact - to touch you briefly. There'll be no discomfort, and it won't take long. There's nothing to be afraid of.'

It hadn't occurred to Galen to be afraid of Zax and he wasn't now. It was the impotence of his rage which made it difficult to breathe. The moment Zax's cold fingertips brushed his temples Galen was aware of relief from a pressure he hadn't been aware of until it was removed. He did not notice Zax step back, his sense of well-being increasing until he could have leapt from the bed and danced around the room, charged with a vitality he had taken for granted until it had been lost. He chose not to take advantage of the fact he could move again, his anger forgotten as he inspected his hand, half-expecting to see a golden aura around it. There was a tantalising sensation, less an itch he could not scratch than one which had not formed yet.

'Is that all there is to it?' he asked.

'That's all,' confirmed Zax. He felt old, and drained enough to weep from exhaustion. 'Don't worry if you feel a bit odd for a few minutes, it's just the release from tension.'

'I don't feel odd at all,' said Galen absently, fighting several conflicting emotions. Irritation won, but beneath it was a faint unease. Zax looked so... _muted_ , he thought, unable to pinpoint what was wrong and irritable that he could not vent his rage on the most obvious target. 'What about you?' he added, the question dragged from him.

Zax looked puzzled, before his expression cleared. 'Whatever happens to me, the shielding won't harm you. At worst it will just fade away.'

'That wasn't what I meant.' said Galen, close to gritting his teeth.

'I'm fine. It's easier to get over each time,' Zax said, paying little attention to their conversation.

Galen sat a little straighter. 'You've done this before?'

Wondering if the air conditioning had broken down because it seemed so cold, Zax gave an absent nod. 'You were dying and - '

He had already said more than enough for Galen, who was in full possession of his faculties and capable of using all of them. 'You thought you'd take a hand. You kept me alive!'

The accusation in his voice was no surprise by this time. 'You would have survived without my intervention.'

'We'll never know, will we? No wonder I recovered so fast. It explains the odd looks from the medics. Not to mention why you've been so exhausted. Why didn't M7619 tell me?' His eyes stormy, Galen's anxiety betrayed itself in a fit of temper.

Zax heard only the anger. 'I asked him not to.'

'Don't I have any rights where my life's concerned? This is the third time you've interfered. How many more times am I to be in your debt? Thank you for my life, I'll try to cultivate the proper amount of gratitude. Do you think I'm bought so easily?'

His mouth compressed in an unsteady line, more hurt by this final rejection than he would have believed possible, it was a moment before Zax trusted himself to speak. 'Does your pride mean so much to you that I'm allowed to offer you nothing?'

'Well, I would have liked fidelity but it's too late for that now, isn't it? There is one thing you could do for me though...'

Too exhausted to be wary, Zax looked up.

'...leave,' said Galen brutally.

His defences flattened by Galen's merciless assault, everything Zax felt was nakedly exposed. 'Yes, of course,' he said after a few moments, trying to find a smile from somewhere.

' _Don't,_ ' choked Galen involuntarily, his hand shooting out to grasp Zax's wrist.

For a moment neither man moved.

'I can feel you,' exclaimed Galen naively, diverted by sheer surprise.

'It's a mental shield, not a physical barrier,' Zax told the floor. While he made no attempt to free himself, he gave no sign he welcomed the possessive contact.

Galen tightened his grip. 'Stay?' he asked, softness uncurling within him.

Zax slumped on the chair as if his legs would no longer hold him.

'Why did you come here?' asked Galen.

Zax flinched. His eyes too bright, he shook his head, giddy with stress and fatigue. 'No more. Please, no more,' he murmured tiredly.

'I didn't mean that the way it sounded,' said Galen with a trace of remorse.

'No, I don't suppose you did. It's best that I go.'

'For whom? You? Me?'

'For both of us.'

'It wouldn't be better for me,' said Galen with decision, although he couldn't have explained what it was he wanted, except perhaps to put back the clock.

'We're tearing each other apart. We both need time to think.'

Having felt himself to be the only injured party, Galen's head snapped up. 'About what?' he demanded with some of his old arrogance.

Zax gave him a smile of sheer affection, knowing beyond doubt that Galen had no memory of the attack and rape. 'Jealousy, for one thing. Certainly on my part. Why else do you think I staged that performance with Ina?'

'Ungovernable lust?'

'Don't be a fool. I wanted to hurt you as I was hurting. She was in my dressing room when I got back from the Medical Complex.'

'How convenient. And you knew I'd come to find you?'

'I wanted you to and you did. It's a pretty story, isn't it.'

'You used Ina to get at me?'

Zax nodded with weary distaste. 'I would have used anyone - anyone I thought would matter to you.'

'You matter to me,' said Galen flatly.

His face looking all eyes, Zax stared at him. 'Then why did you need that girl?' he whispered, before he shook his head. 'You see? How far will we get before we're at each other's throats? You've heard what happened and why, do you still want me to stay?'

'Yes,' said Galen without hesitation. It had never occurred to him that Zax could believe he would want anyone else. But it explained everything, not least the devastated expression in those green eyes.

'I don't know I can,' Zax said quietly, forcing himself to be honest. 'I can't share you, I've learnt that much. I know that's my fault, not yours. We made no promises about fidelity.'

'We made no promises at all. Just muddled though from one day to the next, learning to live together because it was better than living apart. Well, no more because I want only you. I need only you. As you would have known if you'd stuck around for another thirty seconds. Instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, you fucked the first person who stood still long enough.'

'You mean you didn't - ?'

'No.' Galen's tone was that of someone who expects to be believed.

'I thought you must have been lovers of long standing.' 

'Unlike you and Ina, no,' said Galen, the pain in Zax's voice enabling him to find the necessary degree of patience.

'She was very beautiful.'

'Yes. I woke up about five minutes before you arrived, perhaps less, to find her in bed with me. I was so full of dope I thought she was you. Then I just wished she was.'

Tired as he was, Zax was still capable of recognising the truth when he heard it. 'So.' His mouth compressed in a bitter line, he fixed his gaze on his inter-locked fingers. 'I finished it, didn't I?'

'That depends on what you want. Though if you don't want it - us - I'm buggered if I know why you're sitting there looking so miserable.'

It was, thought Zax, waves of heat and cold breaking over him, typical of Galen to turn a plea into an attack. He began to laugh helplessly, one arm tucked around his ribs because it hurt. The sound was devoid of humour and slow to run down, so he stopped his mouth with a clenched hand, afraid of what the noise might become.

Unnerved by that lack of control, Galen left the bed to stand beside him. 'Does that mean we try again?'

Zax lent his head against the support of the chair back, aiming for clarity rather than volume in his speech. 'I can't... That is, so tired...sense. I'm talking rubbish,' he recognised wearily.

'No, it's all right. Here, drink this.' Galen's hand hovered over the alert button which would fetch a medic.

Zax sipped from the glass, holding it in two hands the better to steady it. After a few minutes the greenish tinge left his face.

'Better?' asked Galen.

'I'm just tired.' Pity was the last emotion Zax wanted.

'And now I know by what. I sometimes think you need a keeper. You did more than shield me just now, didn't you? No wonder I feel so energetic. You've left yourself with nothing. Can't you take some of it back?' Galen said awkwardly, not even sure what he meant.

'No.' Zax was still breathing as if he had been running.

'You should see a medic. Let me - '

'No.' This time Zax's voice was firmer. 

'If neither of us needs to see a medic, we don't need to stay here,' said Galen with some satisfaction.

'No,' said Zax again.

'Then let's go home. There's nothing to keep me here now, thanks to you, and - '

'Don't ever thank me for that again! I did what I did because I couldn't bear to see you die. That doesn't put you in my debt. Your life is your own and always has been. You are your own man. I know it may not seem like it right now but I just want you to be happy.'

Reminded of the dreadful power his tongue could wield, Galen made a choked sound. 'I didn't mean what I said earlier,' he insisted.

Zax nodded. He did not know if he believed it or not. It hardly seemed to matter any more.

Galen hugged him, awkward because Zax was still seated. Zax grimaced when Galen inadvertently found some painful spots. As he absorbed Galen's blissful heat it occurred to him that he must find an excuse for the marks which even M7619 could not hide, or he would have to tell Galen how he got them. Neither prospect appealed.

'Let's go home. Forget what happened.' Galen released Zax and tried to ignore the bitterness which stirred when he thought of that animalistic coupling staged for his benefit. His own propensity for violence was no better.

Zax nodded again but when he recognised the fleeting resentment on Galen's face he knew that nothing between them could ever be the same now trust had been thrown away in a fit of temper. And he could not make it right. Not today, not tomorrow, perhaps never. He could not undo what he had done, he could only give Galen consistency and hope it would be enough. But the future seemed a desolate place and right now he could not imagine finding the strength to bear it.

'Bugger,' said Galen, as he checked his locker. 'That bloody girl must have stolen my clothes. No, she's left my boots. Well, that's something. Can you transport us back to the house?'

'Not right now,' said Zax, who was having difficulty in remaining upright.

Preoccupied with his sartorial dilemma, Galen accepted that without question. 'I'll have to wear a sheet then. Toss one over.' He looked up from fastening his boots to see Zax bending over the bed. 'Why didn't you tell me you were hurt? How bad is it?'

Zax let Galen take over. 'Just some cuts and bruises. I'm stiff, that's all. Here, you can wear my cloak.' He was beyond remembering his blood-stained clothing.

His eyes widening with shock, Galen let the cloak drop to the floor and unfastened Zax's shirt. He inhaled sharply, too experienced not to recognised the severity of the beating Zax had received. There was an ugly cut which slashed across his belly, neat stitching betraying how bad it must have been.

'Who did this?' he asked gently.

'I don't know.' 

'That,' said M7619 from the doorway, 'is not true. I did knock,' he added, when Galen swung around.

'You know who did this?' Galen frowned at Zax.

'In a manner of speaking.' Zax cast a venomous look at M7619. 'It was a drunk from the audience.' 

Galen ignored him. 'M7619?'

'That, too, is a lie. Zax, sit down,' M7619 commanded when he saw him sway and reach blindly for support.

'I'm all - ' Zax sat perforce ' - right,' he said ungraciously.

'He has a temperature,' Galen told M7619. 'What really happened?'

'Zax was attacked - '

'You have no right to break your word!' Zax shook with the impotence of his rage.

'Who was responsible?' asked Galen, in a voice that sounded odd even to his own ears.

'Zax was beaten and raped in his dressing room.' The unemotional statement dropped into the silence like a stone into still water.

Galen just stared at Zax, his heart in his eyes, his face stark with distress. 'No! Oh, no...'

'Damn you.' Rage-induced adrenalin gave Zax the semblance of vitality as he glared at M7619.

'Who was it?' asked Galen quietly: too quietly. 'Zax?' The beginnings of a dreadful doubt in his eyes, he said, 'It wasn't Bob...or Eddy?'

In that moment Zax would have sacrificed the reputation of either man but M7619's presence made that impossible. But he could not - would not - tell Galen the truth.

'If you will not tell him, I must,' said M7619 into the silence.

'You've said more than enough, you _bastard_!' Zax regained control with a perceptible effort. 'It wasn't them. Galen, sit down. You can see I'm fine.'

'Who was it?' Galen stood straight and still, as if braced for a mortal blow. He was very pale.

Further evasion was impossible. Zax launched into a terse recital of events. He skated over the horror of the fight and ignored the rape which had followed it because, for him, that had been the least of it, his unconscious state at the time protecting him from the reality of what had happened.

Galen might have been carved from stone, yet his face seemed to be changing, muscles more defined, new lines appearing.

'It might have been your body but you weren't responsible. Those attacks gave me memory loss and untypical behaviour, remember? Or do you blame me for trying to knife Eddy?' Zax added, resorting to dirty tactics. 'You don't remember any of it, you didn't intend any of it. It wasn't your fault.'

M7619 gave Galen, who looked as if he was about to be sick, no chance to speak. 'Zax, your assailant attacked you with many weapons, including a dagger of broken glass. How is it that he remained unscathed?'

Rigid with shock, Galen had begun to shiver, tremors vibrating through him. Fiercely protective, Zax hugged him close, murmuring soft reassurances.

'No wonder you didn't want to tell me,' muttered Galen, retreating until he backed into a wall. He looked like a man whose worst nightmare had come true.

'I didn't want you to blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault,' insisted Zax.

'Wasn't it? When I saw you with Ina I wanted to beat you to a pulp. So I did, didn't I. And when I couldn't match your seduction technique I resorted to rape. No wonder I collapsed.' Left with no hiding place, Galen's control broke and he thrust one fist into the wall with an explosive force.

Already at his side, his face stricken, Zax touched him gently. 'Don't,' he said softly. 'Don't do this to us. It wasn't your fault.'

'Just my hands, my - And I was ready to suspect Bob,' said Galen with ragged self-loathing.

'Galen, listen to me,' commanded M7619. 'An emotional outburst will help no one.'

Zax would have struck him if he had had the strength.

M7619 uncurled Galen's clenched fists. 'We know Zax's assailant cut his hands on the glass. Galen, your hands bear no such scars.'

He was interrupted by a call. One hand on Galen, his concentration on trying to stay conscious, Zax wondered at the smile which crossed M7619's face, before he tucked away his call-note.

'That was M9111. He is positive that he saw Galen in the vicinity of the theatre between 9.27 and 9.33 yesterday morning. In reality Galen was here, being attended by Shula. M9111 thought it was odd when Galen failed to acknowledge his greeting. Galen cannot be the person who attacked you because he was here and had been here for several hours.'

There was silence for what seemed like a very long time to M7619.

'No!' said Galen in explosive repudiation. 'It must have been me. It was me,' he insisted feverishly.

M7619 was shocked by the naked revulsion he saw on Zax's face instead of the relief he had anticipated.

'It _was_ me, I remember now,' said Galen.

It took Zax more than one attempt before he could speak, his expression under better control now. 'Facts are facts. It couldn't have been you. I should be glad of that, shouldn't I, but...' His voice cracked. 'I wish it had been.'

Seeking comfort as much as he needed it, Galen wrapped his arms around Zax. 'So do I,' he said unsteadily into Zax's hair. 'So do I.'

'I don't understand,' said M7619 helplessly, the scarred side of his face livid under the light. 'I hoped you would both be...relieved.'

'Why you couldn't listen to Zax and keep quiet,' said Galen savagely.

'No, don't,' said Zax, interrupting that angry flow. 'It isn't his fault any more than it's yours or mine. He couldn't know.' He turned to M7619. 'If Galen had a double walking the Maze we would have heard about it. It wasn't a stranger, it was Bevis, the shape-changer.' He found it unexpectedly difficult to say, the enormity of the monstrous trick which had been played on him only now hammering home. His memory chose that moment to taunt him with the knife he had been unable to wield.

M7619 stared at him aghast. 'But...' The measure of the hurt he had unwittingly inflicted on Zax was greater than the assault itself, perhaps even greater than the fact Zax had believed Galen to be responsible for it. 'I would not have...' Stammering in his distress, he parted his hands. 'I did not intend to cause further pain.'

'I know,' said Zax, making the effort because he had come to like and respect the other man. 'Galen is your friend and you believed in him. As I should have done,' he added, his heart in his eyes.

'You believed it because you were supposed to believe it,' said Galen.

'I know that too. I'm sorry.' Zax was still trying to produce a convincing smile when he crumpled to the floor, his exhausted system desperate for some respite.

 

'What happened?' Zax asked unoriginally.

'As I predicted you might, you fainted,' said M7619. 'I took advantage of your unconscious state to seal your cracked ribs, reduce the more severe bruising over your kidneys and genitals and give you antibiotics for the infection which was causing your fever. I have also administered a strong analgesic. I suggest you reacquaint yourself with regular meals and sleep. I dislike wasting valuable medical supplies on those who should have no need of them. You frightened Galen.'

'Don't understate the case,' said Galen, walking into Zax's line of vision. 'I was terrified. How do you feel?'

Zax turned his face into the hand cupping his cheek, his world back in focus now he knew Galen hadn't wanted anyone else. He couldn't bring himself to think beyond that. 'I'm not sure. Nothing hurts much, which is nice. Can we go home now?'

'Yes. Provided Galen returns in six days, so that I may check on his progress. Yours, too. I suppose there is no point in my saying you would do better not to give a performance tonight?'

Galen glanced at Zax. 'None at all,' he said, before he added with real gratitude: 'Thank you. For everything.'

M7619 turned at the door. 'What about the shape-changer?'

Busy dressing, Zax looked up. 'He needs to be found and stopped before he does any more damage.'

'He will be,' said Galen.

'How do you find a shape-changer?' asked M7619, ever practical.

'I'll think of something. Thanks for this jumpsuit.'

'You are welcome,' said M7619, before he was called away.

'What time is it?' asked Zax. 

'A couple of hours before the show. So you can get something to eat. M7619 lent me some units.'

Zax took the line of least resistence and let himself be managed.

 

'Shula recommended this eating house,' said Galen into the silence. 'What would you like?'

'Anything,' said Zax, his belly knotted with tension. He should have knifed the bastard while he had had the chance. Should have known it couldn't be Galen.

They said little while they waited for the simple meal Galen ordered but the silence was more comfortable than either man would have thought possible a few hours ago. Zax abandoned his pretence of eating after a few mouthfuls.

'I keep thinking... I had a knife. But I threw it away because I was scared I'd use it on... I should have known you would _never_...'

Galen tucked an arm around him, offering shelter from anyone who might be looking. 'If I'd never hit you, it would never have occurred to you that I might.' He stopped, still coming to terms with the cruelty of what had been done to Zax. Through him. 

'The only person to blame is Bevis,' said Zax flatly, sipping ginger tea.

'We'll put a stop to him, one way or another. Don't think of him now. If we go back to the theatre you'll have the chance to take a nap.'

'The others have been worried sick about you. The moment we appear you'll be inundated with questions. I hope you're feeling patient.'

'Not very. They'll want to know why they were locked out. What do you want me to tell them?'

'Nothing. I don't even want to think about the last forty-eight hours, or the mess I made of everything, let alone discuss them but... Tell them everything,' said Zax flatly. 

Galen knocked over his glass of water. ' _What_?'

'Or I will, if you can't face it. Secrets can be dangerous. With Bevis on the loose and attacking those I love....' Zax's eyes darkened but he had his emotions under better control now.

'I'll do it,' said Galen, because it was one thing he could spare Zax.

'Then let's get it over with.' Zax pushed back his chair.

The market was busier than ever, the crush of people forcing them to make their way through as best they could. Eventually they left the bedlam behind and the routeway cleared enough to be able to walk shoulder to shoulder.

Ambushed by the realisation of just how much Zax meant to him, the remnants of Galen's bitterness drained away in the face of what was most important and he slowed to a stop.

Zax turned, a look of query on his face. What hurt Galen was his trace of reserve.

'It just struck me how much I love you,' said Galen, because it seemed imperative to tell him, now of all times.

His defences non-existent, Zax just stood there, absorbing what he had been told. 'Ah,' he croaked, blinking rapidly. His smile was so full of love that it stopped the breath in Galen's throat.

Careless of any onlookers, and mindful of Zax's damaged mouth, Galen's kiss was all delicate subtlety, his embrace as careful as if Zax had been made from spun glass. 'All right?' he said gruffly.

Zax sniffed with regrettable vigour. 'Some people will say anything to get a free seat for the show,' he muttered, almost overset by that public declaration at a time when he had been afraid he had lost everything.

'True. Blow your nose.'

'You do know that...' A handcart trundling past drowned Zax out.

Galen grinned and shook his head when Zax started again. 'There's no need to repeat it. I know you do.'

Hand in hand, they slipped down the inconspicuous alleyway which led to the rear door to the theatre. Zax held the door open for Galen and flattened himself against the wall when Taruna saw them both. Her cry of delight brought the others at a run. Aware that Galen would be occupied for the foreseeable future, Zax headed for his dressing room.

What was left of the door was open. Tension replacing his smile, Zax paused, took a deep breath and forced himself to go inside the room.

 

'What did you think of the show?' Eddy fell behind with Galen as the cast made their lethargic way home by the light of the moon, the humid air enveloping them like an damp blanket.

'I didn't get the chance to see it. Nemli didn't turn up so I was on the door, then the air-conditioning unit started playing up. What was the show like? He was exhausted before it started.'

'So so. Though, to be fair, if I didn't know any better I'd've been impressed. Considering the state Zax is in, he stood up to it better than I was expecting. He should shut the theatre for a few days, give himself the chance to heal. I don't suppose you want to suggest it?'

'You'd be right.'

'He's taken one hell of a beating.' Eddy had walked in on Zax while he was changing and after seeing the marks on his body was in protective mode.

'Not from me. We agreed we'd tell you everything that's been going on - at least, I will. I can spare him that. But I'd rather do it tomorrow, when...' Not as calm as he was trying to appear, Galen's roughened voice broke and he fell silent.

Eddy gave him a few moments. 'So everything's all right between you two?'

'It will be.'

'He wore himself out worrying over you.'

'I know. Speed up, I want to catch up with Zax.'

'No need,' said a familiar voice, 'I'm hiding from Sade's inquisition.'

'She was worried about you,' defended Eddy, looking worried again.

'Does that give her the right to...? Sorry,' sighed Zax, 'I'm just tired. Go and soothe her down for me?'

'Do I look suicidal? Anyway, there's something I wanted to ask you.'

Zax groaned and felt Galen link their hands in silent support. 'What?' It was one thing to say _no secrets_ , quite another to talk about... He tightened his grip on Galen's hand.

'Why don't you take the help offered to you before you fall flat on your face?' Which successfully stopped Zax from protesting when Eddy took Zax's other arm for the rest of the walk.

Steered to the room he shared with Galen, Zax managed to assert his independence by sitting on the bed rather than collapsing. 'Don't go,' he said to Eddy. 'Galen, will you fetch the others? There's something I must do tonight.'

About to argue, Galen saw the determination on his face and left the room.

'What's it about?' asked Eddy. You're knackered. Can't it wait?'

'Wait till the others arrive, it will save me saying it twice.'

'We should shut the theatre for a few days.'

'I know. But right now I'd rather work than have to think.'

'What's this, bedtime stories?' said Sade, her tone too bright, yet to forgive Zax for his earlier loss of temper. The others came in behind her.

'Almost,' said Zax. 'You remember when Bevis attacked my mind? Well, over the last few days it's been happening to Galen, which means I didn't kill Bevis after all. There's other proof we'll tell you about tomorrow. Galen and I are shielded now but you're all unprotected, and Ina knows how much you mean to me. Will you allow me to shield you in case Bevis tries to attack you because of his vendetta against me?' Braced for rejection, he waited for their reaction.

'Sure,' said Eddy easily.

Zax blinked rapidly. 'Just like that?'

Bob crouched beside him. 'Just like that,' he confirmed, shaken by the vulnerability Zax was too exhausted to hide. 'You've been screwing yourself up to ask us all evening. Galen dropped a hint. We would have volunteered but he thought you'd rather be certain. What do we have to do? It's time you got some sleep.'

Zax looked at the others, who were watching him with such trust. 'But don't you want to know - ?'

'Tomorrow,' said Eddy. 'Who d'you want to do first?'

'You'll do.'

'Fine.' Eddy took hold of Zax's hands and placed them on his face. 'Don't look so worried.'

'I'm supposed to tell you that.'

'I saved you the bother. Get on with it. I'm hungry.'

Zax's fingertips firmed where they rested against the damp skin of Eddy's cheekbone, just above the line of his beard.

Eddy gave him an affectionate look. 'Ready when you are,' he encouraged.

His equilibrium recovered, Zax said dryly, 'It's done. Next.'

'What, no flashing lights?'

'Don't tempt me.' Zax smiled at Rhian when she took Eddy's place.

A few minutes later Galen closed the door behind the last of the troupe and remained there, studying the undistinguished wood. 'You asked me once what it was that you gave me,' he said at last.

Drained, Zax stared at his back. 'I remember.'

'And I said you made me feel alive.' Galen turned to face him, his expression unguarded. 'But it's more than that. This is why I love you, and why you make me angry sometimes. You're so tired you can barely see straight and yet you find the energy to do this. Everyone's safe, thanks to you. I've arranged for guards outside of the house until I can set up a security perimeter tomorrow. There's nothing left for you to worry about. So rest. I don't want you flaking out on me again. I thought I'd lost you,' he muttered, almost inaudibly.

Zax made a soft sound and held out one arm to him.

Galen sank to his knees beside the bed, his face buried in Zax's lap. Heavy fingers settled in his hair, carding it gently until the movement slowly stopped, the weight of Zax's hand increasing.

Careful not to wake him, Galen got to his feet and eased Zax fully onto the bed, removed his shoes, unfastened his trousers and tucked his own half of the bedcovers over him. He stood watching the sleeper for some time, noting all the small changes in Zax's appearance. He longed to get in beside him, just for the comfort that came with such closeness but was afraid he might disturb Zax, so spent the night in one of the spare rooms.

 

Zax slept deeply, but his dreams were peopled by row upon row of silent mannequins, each of whom bore Galen's face but only one of whom was Galen. The trouble was, he couldn't tell which.

When he started awake, his heart racing, desperate for the reassurance of Galen's presence, he discovered he was alone, with nothing to indicate Galen was going to come to bed. 

But then why would he want to, Zax reminded himself, as he remembered Bevis, and Ina.

All the hurt places of his body throbbing, he lay back. Eventually exhaustion overtook him. 

This time he dreamt of his theatre, the auditorium packed to capacity. Only when the house lights came up every face was Galen's face, except where the eyes should have been there were only cavernous holes.

It was then, waking alone, that he surrendered to the chimeras of the night.


	26. 26

TWENTY SIX

 

Zax never remembered much about the next few days, existing in a dazed limbo of exhaustion which was as much mental as physical. He knew Galen must have told the troupe everything because of the solicitude with which they treated him, while trying to pretend nothing had changed. Zax loathed being made to feel like a victim and at first was relieved not to see much of anyone.

There seemed to be a conspiracy that he should rest as much as possible between performances, so he was left alone for up to nineteen hours a day. He avoided sleep because of the nightmares which bled into his waking hours, reality blurring. Depressed and alone, he was incapable of fighting his doubts that Galen would ever want him after Ina - and Bevis. It took all his energy to complete a performance, each show draining him of what energy he had garnered overnight. He came to dread the times when he had to close the door to his bedroom, fighting a losing battle against exhaustion in an attempt to escape the horrors which peopled his dreams.

Aware that he was trapped on a treadmill of his own devising, Zax knew he should close the theatre until he had recovered but he couldn't bring himself to abandon those who crowded round the theatre night after night. Warmth was warmth from whichever source it came and it was beyond him to turn away from it.

 

Reminded of Zax when he had first met him, the collaroy terrified Galen in its implications, the more so when Zax showed no sign of recovering. It seemed as if Zax was either surrounded by people, or in his room. As Zax never sought him out Galen did not push the issue, mainly because he felt guilty that Bevis had only survived because he had used _his_ face and body. Worse, he knew how angry he had been that night, how close he had come to striking Zax's taunting face - perhaps even to taking what should only be given freely. And Galen couldn't shake off his fear that the fact he hadn't owed more to the fragile state of his health than restraint.

By the fifth night he was miserable and missing Zax so much that he abandoned the pretence of being busy and reserved himself a seat in the balcony. He had few expectations, prepared for competence at best. 

When the performance began, Galen it difficult to reconcile the vibrant, sensual persona commanding the stage with every appearance of ease with the lethargic, sweaty bundle he collected from Bob and steered home every night; this velvet-voiced artistry with a man so tired he could barely string a coherent sentence together. 

Zax had always known how to project his sexual magnetism on stage, careful never to overstep his own boundaries because a sexually aroused audience possessed an ugly potential. Tonight he was out to captivate and Galen was no more immune than anyone else in the auditorium, perhaps even less. Every supple movement lanced him with lust and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Returned to vigorous health, he had begun to feel ashamed of his body's response to Zax at a time when making love was clearly the last thing on Zax's mind, if it ever would be again, after Bevis. Not that they talked about that, or anything else of importance.

By the time the show drew to a close Galen hated the entranced audience, who had drained Zax of everything. While this silken seducer left him aroused, Galen wanted a return to the life which was made up of the mundane: Zax with bed hair and a morning hard-on, sleepily sucking him off; arguing over whose turn it was to make breakfast or to do the laundry; watching Zax in his workshop; exploring the Exterior; discussing whatever arcane subject Zax was reading about, and starting to read himself in self-defence; Zax making him smile, think, scowl, or laugh; watching Zax's face when he came.

If Zax had the energy for this kind of performance each night he could find some for a conversation of more than two sentences, Galen decided, slipping away when the audience went wild with delight at the end of the show. His certainty faded as he drew closer to Zax's dressing-room and he paused on the threshold, waiting for some indication that he was welcome.

None came.

Seated at his makeshift table, seemingly engrossed in cleaning greasepaint from his face, Zax's attention remained fixed on the small square of glass propped against the wig stand.

'What happened to your mirror and the rest of the furniture?' asked Galen, when he could bear the silence no longer. The tense lines of Zax's spine betrayed that he knew he was not alone.

'They got broken.' Zax's voice was flat with exhaustion. He made no attempt to turn, despite the fact this was the first time for more than two weeks that Galen had come to see him after a performance.

'By whom?' Made to feel obtrusive and unwelcome, Galen stood his ground. If Zax had the energy for his audience, he could damn well find some for his lover.

'Y - Bevis,' amended Zax but not before his slip had been noticed. 

He could feel the silent pressure which willed him to turn but dared not until he could command his expression and still the shaking of his hands. He knew it was Galen but just now, when he had first glimpsed him in the glass... Another wave of cold sweat rolled over him. Now, as that other night, Galen was dressed in black. Now, as then, he had no way to be certain if the man who seemed to fill the room and his senses was Galen or Bevis. With that bedrock of certainty gone, fear overwhelmed him. How could he ever be certain again, and how could he hope to hide his doubt from Galen?

Bitterness bracketing his mouth, Galen saw only that rather than turn to him Zax preferred to fiddle with the things scattered over the table top. 'You think it was me who attacked you? Or do you blame me because Bevis used my face and body?' No emotion was discernible on the hard set of his face.

'Of course I don't,' said Zax, swinging around. 'It's just... For a moment, in the mirror, I wasn't sure which of you it was. When I'm in here it's hard to remember it wasn't you.' He knew he was making matters worse but could not stop now he had started.

'Thank you.' Galen turned to leave.

'Don't go! I couldn't bear it if you left again. I know it wasn't you that night, I do, but I can't stop wishing it had been because - It doesn't matter,' Zax said drearily. 'I'm not making much sense.'

When Galen saw his expression, his sense of grievance faded as if it had never been. 'You gave your audience too much tonight,' he said gently, taking the cold hands in his own and rubbing their backs with his thumbs. He no longer resented the fact, it was just the way Zax was. He might just as well blame the sun for shining.

'I know. I should be giving it to you, not strangers. This isn't much of a life for you. I'm sorry. I can't blame you for not wanting...' Zax trailed off into silence.

Galen slid one hand through the sweat-tangled hair where it fell into Zax's eyes. 'You can't go on like this. You need sleep more than anything. Would you rather stay here instead of walking back to the house?'

'No,' said Zax too quickly, the shadow of Bevis uncomfortably close.

Galen made a mental note to persuade the troupe to swop dressing rooms with Zax, angry with himself for not having thought of that before. 'Then we'll go home. Take your time.'

'I don't seem to have much option,' said Zax wryly.

Galen's expression further relaxed when Zax linked their fingers, actively seeking out contact for the first time in what had come to seem a long while. Galen set a slow pace, making no conversational demands, but the silence felt oddly comfortable.

They emerged on the Exterior to find a storm raging, rain bouncing up from the parched ground, while the noise of thunder bounced from hilltop to hilltop, reverberating across the valley. Jagged forks of lightning hissed through the darkness, splitting open the sky.

Sodden within seconds, Galen paused to watch that spectacular display. 'It would make a great finale for your show,' he bellowed, pitching his voice against that fury of sound. Grasping Zax's hand, he headed up to the house. The track was treacherous, the hard-baked earth turned to slime, water cascading down the hillside, so that they seemed to slide back one pace for every two steps they took.

Driven on only by will-power, Zax stumbled, failed to gain any purchase and slipped back down the hillside, yanking an off-balance Galen with him. They landed soft, thanks to the mud, Galen's arrival further eased by the fact he landed on Zax.

Neither man moved for a while. Galen spat, trying to remove the mud he had inadvertently swallowed. Squelching, he soggily resumed the vertical, helped Zax to his feet and tried to ascertain if he was hurt.

'Next time you can fall on me,' he promised, able to joke once he realised Zax was all right. He flicked away a dollop of mud which was about to drip into Zax's eyes.

Zax began to giggle. Before long he was helpless with laughter and clinging to Galen for support.

While it did much to release tension, it cost Zax dear in strength and Galen was half-carrying him for the last portion of their journey. The house was in darkness, the troupe yet to return. Sighing, because he would have welcomed some assistance, Galen steered Zax into the shower.

He peeled away the ruined clothing, rinsed and rinsed again until the water finally ran clear before beginning to wash Zax, his hands infinitely gentle as they travelled over the signs of old and new injuries. As before, Zax had healed faster than was usual.

Wrapped in a vast towel, Zax watched through heavy eyes as he was patted dry, put into a warm robe and tucked into bed before Galen went to soap the last of the mud from himself.

Pleased to realise there had not been a twinge from his back, Galen checked on Zax, who looked as if he was asleep, and went into the kitchen. To his relief there was a large pot of vegetable-thick soup waiting to be heated, and some fresh flat bread. As he turned, he saw Zax in the doorway, fastening his warmest robe.

'Is there enough for both of us?' asked Zax diffidently, the light doing little to flatter him tonight.

'There's enough for an army. I was going to bring some into you.'

'I'd rather eat here, with you. I must owe everyone several nights cooking,' added Zax, with vague memories of other unwanted meals.

Galen settled opposite him. 'First you need to eat something.'

Zax worked his way down the dish, beginning to revive with some hot, nourishing food inside him.

'Can you eat any more?'

Zax shook his head. 'But it was good.'

Galen gave an indulgent grin. 'Do you even know what it was?'

'No, but at least I feel warm now.' Slumped back on the chair, the effort Zax was making to stay awake was obvious.

It belatedly occurred to Galen that he was not the only one who had missed the companionship they had taken for granted. A fatuous smile spread across his face as he got to his feet and he planted a kiss on top of Zax's drying hair before making some of the pale green tea Zax liked. Collecting a bottle of wine for himself, he added it to the tray and steered Zax into bed. 

He made himself comfortable in the armchair at the side of the bed and leant his head back to study the ceiling. 'It's lucky the roof's holding.'

All eyes, Zax peered over the wide rim of the large cup he was cradling in both hands. 'Don't tempt fate. Are you coming to bed?'

Disconcerted, a rare flush crept up over Galen's skin. 'I thought you might prefer to have it to yourself. That is, without me. It's why I've been sleeping in one of the spare rooms.'

It was a moment before the sense of what he was being told sank in. 'Get in,' commanded Zax, hauling back the covers. 'Is that the only reason you haven't been sleeping with me?'

'I didn't think you'd noticed,' said Galen, stripped and next to Zax in bed within seconds.

'You're an imbecile. I wondered if... I mean, I don't blame you for not wanting Bevis' leavings.'

The soup Galen had eaten came close to reappearing as he realised how his actions had been misinterpreted. 'And you called me an imbecile,' he said, when he trusted his voice. 'Nothing he did touches what you are. I can't imagine ever not wanting you. Which is part of the problem. I'm feeling as horny as a three-balled tomcat and I didn't trust myself to share a bed with you and not... You're right, I'm an imbecile.'

'I should get that in writing. Make love to me?'

'Zax, you're - '

'I don't care. I want to be covered in your fingerprints. I want your mouth and your prick in any combination you like. I just want you. Even if I can't respond much. I want to smell of you, and to dream about you. I want you. Just you.'

'Ssh. Yes.' Galen kissed the corner of his mouth, sliding his hand between the edges of the robe Zax still wore to stroke his scarred belly, circling gently, watching the long eyelashes flutter to a close, Zax's mouth parting, every muscle of his face seeming to relax.

'Come closer,' said Zax, curving one leg the better to accommodate Galen's beginning-to-stir flesh. 'You _are_ feeling better,' he noted, turning his head so he could kiss the curve of Galen's shoulder. He feather-brushed the new scar on Galen's back with the tips of his fingers.

'Of course I am. But if it's all the same to you, I'd rather wait until you've got the energy to join in - or to stay awake,' said Galen realistically. He was nuzzling his way across Zax's chest as he spoke.

'Have,' said Zax, his voice slurred with fatigue.

'Of course you have,' agreed Galen indulgently, slowing the movement of his caressing hand.

'Have. Don't stop.'

'I won't,' promised Galen tenderly, his mouth brushing the faintest trace of a yellowing bruise that was shaped like the sole of a boot. 

The body curled against him grew heavy as Zax slid into sleep, one outflung arm pinning him in place. Curiously content despite the slow to dissipate drag of his arousal, Galen listened to the storm rage outside, viewing the lightning-lit room through tranquil eyes. He was half-awake, one arm around Zax, when the troupe came home around dawn, laughing and clumsy in their attempts to be quiet.

Zax was a restless bedmate as he muttered and twitched, his anxiety increasing until Galen began to murmur to him in an attempt to soothe away whatever nightmare had him in thrall. He wondered if he should wake Zax, who was obviously in some distress, when the matter was taken out of his hands as Zax gave a convulsive start, then was still, proclaiming his wakeful state.

'Bad dream?' said Galen matter-of-factly, stroking his shoulder.

'Yeah.' Sweating heavily, Zax rolled onto his back.

'Have you had many recently?'

'A few. Too many. Oh, fuck it.' Covering his eyes with his forearm, Zax abandoned any pretence of trying to conceal his shaken state.

'Why didn't you tell someone? It might have helped.'

'I didn't want to make them any more real. Didn't want to admit it could happen.'

'Tell me,' coaxed Galen, gentling him with his hand.

'That one day I won't know if it's you beside me or Bevis.' Zax's voice was soft with remembered horror. 'If he can wear your face and body, how can I ever be certain which of you it is?'

Breath leaking from him, Galen had no need to ask who _he_ was.

'I didn't mean to tell you that,' Zax added into the silence, miserably aware that he had just delivered the hurt he had tried to avoid inflicting.

Galen wrapped his arms around him, binding him with warmth and reassurance. 'If you hadn't I wouldn't understand why you were so afraid when you saw me in your dressing room last night.'

'I used to be better at hiding things,' sighed Zax, relaxing.

'Do you need to, from me?'

'I don't want to hurt you more than I have already. The bastard's found the right weapon. I don't know how to fight this,' Zax said helplessly, an ignominious shake in his voice.

An inner rage for what Bevis had done consuming him, Galen betrayed no outward sign of stress, his voice steady, loving and reassuring. 'We'll find a way.'

Needing to believe that, Zax nodded, but he was shivering.

'We _will_ find a way. How badly did Bevis hurt you?'

'What you see is what there is,' dismissed Zax with a hard-edged flippancy. Then he saw the fleeting pain on Galen's face and understood what lay behind the question. 'Sorry. I forgot you never heard the full story - and for all his good intentions M7619 made it sound worse than it was. Bruises and cuts were the worst of it. Nothing that hasn't healed. I was unconscious when I was raped so...From my lack of internal injury he must have spent himself in the fight. You and I have done more damage to each other in our loving and had joy from every ache. Because I wasn't conscious it isn't real for me. If it hadn't been for a slight soreness I would never have known. He didn't ejaculate.'

'Then what are you...?' Galen trailed off into a tactful silence.

'So afraid of? He's made me doubt my senses. He fooled me once, why not again? How can I ever be sure it's really you I'm seeing, talking to, making love with? I don't think I could bear it if I found I'd made love to him. It's not for him to share what's always been ours.' His eyes haunted, Zax stared into the middle distance.

Galen held him tight, both offering and seeking comfort. 'He won't,' he whispered fiercely. 'Never again. No more confusion, no more uncertainty.'

'You know what's been almost as bad? Knowing that if I hadn't goaded you earlier that night I would never have believed it was you, no matter how convincing he looked.'

His rage under firm control now, Galen raised despairing eyes to the ceiling. 'Only you could blame yourself for the fact.'

'I don't,' denied Zax with a singular lack of conviction.

'No, of course you don't.'

'Know-all.'

'I've been thinking about that evening. You took Ina because you believed I'd had that girl.'

There was a note in Galen's voice which made Zax forget his nightmare of uncertainty. 'You think Ina hired her?'

'I'm sure she did. Just before I fainted the girl complained that the woman who'd hired her had said it would be a straightforward job. I thought it was one of the troupe. You know Sade's sense of humour. Then I realised she'd have more sense. Did Ina know you spent all your free time with me?'

'I virtually told her so.'

'Which means she'd know roughly what time you'd be back, which explains the timing of the girl's visit. The rest is easy enough to work out. Ina knows your temper. Anyone who knows you knows your dressing- room is your bolt-hole. Which is why Ina was so conveniently to hand. I just helped her plan along by turning up at just the wrong - or right - moment.' For the first time Galen was able to remember that scene without bitterness. 'She tells Bevis was happened and he decides to make use of it.'

'Unless it was all his idea from the beginning.'

'Would Ina let herself be set up like that?'

'No. When she called she must have expected, or hoped that we'd get back together. I don't know why. She has cause to hate me. She isn't you and our life together wasn't happy - mainly because I could never give her what she wanted.'

'So Bevis used her too,' said Galen briskly, yet to mellow to the point where he would agonise over Ina's sensibilities.

'I think he would use anything as a weapon against me. But I don't understand why I should be so important to him. Or how he knows so much about my reactions and habits. Am I so predictable?'

Galen grinned when he heard that healthy note of irritation. 'In the things that matter most.'

'Isn't that rather boring for you?'

'Not so far.'

Zax ran a gentle finger over the new scar on Galen's back. 'I thought I'd lost you.' 

'Not a chance. Was that noise your stomach?' Galen demanded a moment later, appalled.

Zax peered down at himself. 'I think it must have been,' he conceded sheepishly.

'I'll get us some food. Try not to fall asleep while I'm gone.'

Zax's gesture of response was both silent and expressive.

As Galen headed for the kitchen, Zax showered and shaved before pulling on a pair of loose trousers and shirt. His feet bare, he padded back into the bedroom to see Galen setting down a laden tray, steam coiling lazily from two cups. Zax watched it as if hypnotised.

What if this wasn't Galen? One hand gripping the door frame, he willed himself to move and smile, to conceal the shocking doubt which had left him frozen to the spot.

'It's me,' Galen said calmly. 'Now I know Bevis would say the same thing, and I know he can change shape, but he can't share our memories, can he?'

'You know?' 

'Don't start apologising again. Can Bevis read minds?'

'No.'

'Then there's our certainty,' said Galen with satisfaction. 'Back on the Island you once asked me to look into the flames of a fire. Then you asked me what I saw.'

'This isn't fair to you.'

'I'm quite capable of worrying about myself if I feel it's necessary. Come and eat.'

Zax took one of the chairs at the table by the open window and glanced at the tray. His lips twitched. 'The amount of food you've brought is all the proof I need.'

'You're not the only one who's hungry.'

'You said you'd find a way to give me certainty and you have. Our memories are our own.'

'Until he's found, you check every time we're apart, no matter how short the time is. I'll do the same. Promise me?'

'I promise.' Zax caressed Galen's calf with his bare toes as he sipped the coffee left in Galen's cup, having finished his own.

'It's six hours before the performance. If you're going to fall asleep, why not do it in comfort,' Galen suggested. He was side-tracked by the relaxed sensuality of the man stretched out with a kind of boneless elegance. His eyes narrowed to lazy slits, his hair ruffled by the breeze, which carried in the warm scents of Anike's herbs growing outside, there was a tranquillity to Zax which was new. Not that Galen expected it to last.

'I'm fine where I am.'

'Bed,' insisted Galen.

Zax flicked his cigarette into oblivion and grumbled under his breath. But he displayed more ease in his movements as he padded over to the bed, unfastened the tie of his loose trousers and slipped off his unfastened cream shirt. When Galen joined him in bed, he said: 'Do you still see only burning logs?' 

Perfectly attuned to Zax's thought processes, Galen shook his head, smiling. 'Not always. Sometimes I don't even need a fire.'

The words completed what their close-entwined proximity had begun on Galen's touch-starved body. With a serpentine twist, Zax bent his head to lick the inside of Galen's thigh.

'Ignore it,' said Galen, trying to inject some conviction in the instruction. 'You're not in any state for this.'

'But you are,' said Zax, unarguably in the circumstances. 'Please?'

Galen was lost even before Zax's hand curved around his prick, encouraging his rise, the side of his thumb teasing the head until Galen caught hold of his wrist.

'Please,' said Zax again, knowing he was going to get his own way when Galen's mouth softened.

Zax resettled himself on the mattress and eased Galen over him, adjusting with ease to the blessedly familiar weight and scent and sight of him, revelling in the pale skin and hard prick, and the mouth exploring his throat. And for once he never stopped talking, his voice soft with encouragement, his hands making Galen's body his playground before he anointed him with a slick, silky lotion.

'It's been so long, too long. Let it happen. Let me share. Let yourself go. That's the way. I won't break. Yeah. That's it.' His voice was all warm, leisurely encouragement, while his fingers drew a strangled sound from Galen, as he came with a shout.

'Bugger, I didn't mean to...' Struggling to regain his breath, Galen collapsed from Zax onto the mattress, his ribs heaving.

Almost as breathless, his belly and groin smeared with glistening trails, Zax gave him a loving smile.

'Well, I don't know why not. Just wish I could have joined in.' He caressed the flat belly, enjoying feeling the muscles contract under his hand, before running his fingertips through the dark pubic bush, to caress Galen's now lax prick.

'You should be asleep,' said Galen gruffly.

Zax stared at him wide-eyed, before he began to giggle.

'I only meant - ' 

'I know. Which is worrying in itself. You must be rubbing off on me. You certainly need a shave,' Zax added, wincing as he acquired stubble burn across his rump.

Galen sucked the spot, making Zax squirm, agonized little noises escaping him.

'Bastard. You know that drives me... ' His hand swept over Galen's torso, pausing over his prick, which was showing faint signs of life already. 'What you really need is a long, slow fuck.'

'Oh, yeah.' Galen's eyes lit up.

'Of me,' said Zax patiently.

'Uh uh. Not until you can stay awake for long enough.' 

'How long are you planning to take?'

'As long as possible,' said Galen, with truth.

'I'm awake now.'

'Only just. I can wait.'

An enquiring finger investigated. 'Really?'

'You're not totally irresistible, you know. What are you doing now?' Galen propped himself up on his elbows the better to look past his semi-tumescence to where Zax was curled.

One arm across Galen's parted legs, Zax offered an open-mouthed caress to Galen's inner thigh, teasing him with warm breath and tongue tip, before mouthing his balls and tickling behind them, making Galen twitch and tense and lose the ability to speak in complete sentences.

'I'm glad you remember this part,' said Zax, raising his head. 'I used to be quite good at blow jobs. Here's hoping I haven't lost the knack.'

As his mouth descended, teasing the head of Galen's prick, Galen groaned, his thigh muscles braced.

The tousled head rose again. 'You were saying?' prompted Zax, his mouth prim, before he bent to engulf Galen.

 

'You're a noisy sod,' said Zax, his head pillowed on Galen.

'I'd like to hear you in similar circumstances.'

'You might be able to in a day or so. I've got this long lascivious list of things planned for you.'

'I'm delighted to hear it. Can we go to sleep now?' begged Galen, his attempts to do that having been sabotaged by his talkative companion.

'I wish you'd stop harping on about sleep,' complained Zax, giving a contented wriggle. 'I'd rather talk.'

Galen sighed. He gave a small start when he opened his eyes to find Zax's slightly swollen mouth hovering over his own.

'I like it when I can make you yell like that,' said Zax with obvious satisfaction. 'You don't usually.'

Galen raised his head the necessary couple of inches, nuzzled the full lower lip and sank back against the pillows. 'You're a monster. Go to sleep before I murder you. I don't what usually?' he added, side-tracked.

'Yell. You're very quiet as a rule. I used to worry in case you weren't enjoying yourself. Or in case you'd died,' added Zax wickedly, optimistically hoping for some reaction.

'Mmn.' Galen's back was firmly presented to his tormentor.

'There's something very satisfying about - Are you listening to me?'

'Mmn.'

'I wouldn't want it all the time, of course, but sometimes it's - Are you sure you're listening to me?'

One slow inhalation followed another, with no mumble of assent.

Heavy-eyed, Zax gave a resigned sigh, drew up the sheet and snuggled into the curve of Galen's back.

With an unseen grin of satisfaction, Galen settled down to sleep himself, only to give a yelp when his balls received a more than friendly squeeze.

'You could give a man heart failure doing that. How did you know I wasn't asleep?' he demanded indignantly.

Zax just grinned.

'I think you were less trouble when you were out on your feet,' sighed Galen.

He was sure of it when he was the only one still awake an hour later.

 

Engrossed in what he was doing, it was several minutes before Galen sensed he was under surveillance and looked up. 'I wondered when you'd wake up. Burning logs,' he added immediately.

'What are you talking about? Oh. Yes. Looking into the fire,' said Zax, pushing himself up in bed. 'I'd forgotten.'

'Well, don't.'

'What are you doing with that scanner?' asked Zax, sliding out of bed and going over to him.

Encircled in warmth, Galen leant back his head and raised his face for a kiss. 'Trying to modify the signal.'

'Mmn. Don't go away, I need to pee.'

'I'm not surprised,' called Galen, looking guilty.

'What was that?'

'I said I gathered that much,' said Galen, pitching his voice to carry above the noise of flushing water. 'How do you feel?'

'You'd know better than me.' Draped in the doorway, wearing nothing but a jockstrap, Zax pulled on an old pair of work-out trousers and tied the draw string.

Galen watched Zax begin an unhurried series of stretching exercises, flowing from one to another with a flexible dexterity which would have been beyond him two days ago. There was a blur of limber brown flesh as Zax executed three neat forward rolls to uncoil at his feet. Bare except of the trousers perched just below his hips, he fit, lean and ready for anything, his eyes bright with mischief.

'You should be taking things easy,' worried Galen.

'I've been doing that forever,' dismissed Zax, before he went into a passable headstand. 'I'm starving. What time is it?'

'About half-past four.'

Surprise made Zax wobble, before he collapsed in a relaxed heap. 'Is that all? I thought it must be later. I can't remember the last time I felt this good.' Some of his euphoria diminished as he remembered events of the last few days. It had been a mistake to try and pretend they'd never happened. 'I'm going to take a shower. Want to scrub my back?'

The weight of his forthcoming confession preying on his mind, Galen shook his head. 'You'd wear me out. I'll get a meal ready.' 

Zax stared at the empty doorway, then went into the bathroom, determined not to read rejection in that casual dismissal of his charms.

He joined Galen in the kitchen a short time later and stared at the food set out on the table. 'That looks like... Cheese! Is it real?' He broke off a piece and answered his own question. 'It's real. It's wonderful! Have we come into a fortune?'

'In a manner of speaking.' Galen busied himself with finding cutlery.

Busy finger-feeding himself mouthfuls of salad and cheese, Zax half-turned. 'You didn't steal it?'

'Of course I didn't. We traded for it in the Maze.'

'Oh.' Zax stared at his plate, losing some of his enthusiasm.

'It's safe enough,' Galen promised with a grin.

'Then why aren't you eating any?'

'I will be, if there's any left.'

'It must be years since I last had real cheese. I don't care what claims they make about it, soya never tastes the same. I love cheese,' Zax added unnecessarily.

Galen shook his head indulgently and began his own meal, only to be hypnotised by Zax's erratic passage around the room. 'I wish you'd sit down, you're making me dizzy.'

'You don't have to watch me, though I admit I'm difficult to resist.' He sat opposite Galen. 'Where did anyone get hold of enough milk to make this? - '

'Listen to the expert.'

'I read, remember? I keep telling you it isn't necessary to rely on record tapes.'

'We've already had this argument, you lost.'

Zax ignored that provocation. 'So where did the milk come from?'

'Oh, the goats. Though we didn't make this batch. It came with, so to speak.'

'What's a goat when - ?' Interrupted by an unfamiliar noise drifting in through the open windows, Zax got up to investigate, only to draw back his head with some speed.

'What was that?' he demanded, shaken.

'Guess,' invited Galen, who was enjoying himself.

Zax peered back out the window, taking care not to lean too far this time. ' _That's_ a goat?'

'Afraid so. Ugly buggers, aren't they? Lost your appetite?'

'Not at all. Are they dangerous?' Zax added, thinking of the bearded monstrosity with its strange orange eyes, whose pupils went the wrong way. 

'Not as much as you'd think, seeing those horns. Just nosy. They eat almost everything, including clothing.'

'How did they get here? And so help me, if you say walked...'

'Eddy traded for them.'

'I should've guessed. But why did the owner get rid of them? With meat so scarce that's a fortune on the hoof out there.'

'So their new owner discovered after he won them in a card game. In two hours he'd lost half the herd and almost got knifed. That's how he met Eddy.'

'Eddy's all right?'

'Eddy's fine.'

'I don't think the goat I saw took to me. The feeling was mutual.'

'You're not afraid of them, are you?'

'I'll let you know when we're better acquainted. It's lucky there aren't many people up on the Exterior. I've no intention of getting my throat cut protecting a herd of goats. Incidentally, who's going to be looking after them?' 

'We're going to take it in turns. All of us who enjoying eating the results, that is. Taruna and Rhian have worked out a rota.'

'You're just trying to make me miserable, aren't you?'

Galen managed to look both shocked and hurt, no mean feat while his mouth was full. 'Me?'

'Why didn't I notice the goats this morning?' Zax was wistfully eyeing the cheese Galen had yet to eat.

Galen sighed and pushed over his plate. 'Go on, take the food from my mouth.'

The kitchen door banged open to admit Sade, whose hair was coming down, her face barely visible above an armful of vegetation. 'Zax, you're awake at last! And looking great.' 

'I always do.' He dodged the stalks which almost put out his eye as she bent to kiss him with exuberant thoroughness. 'This is all very nice but why all the fuss? Anyone would think you haven't seen me for days?'

'Galen hasn't told you then.'

'I was working round to it,' said Galen, looking resigned.

'Slowly,' Sade said with affection. She backed out of the kitchen, still clutching the vegetables.

'Told me what?' asked Zax.

'Well.' Galen paused to clear his throat. 'You were exhausted, and we were all worried about you. So we... I,' he amended, when he remembered that the chicken-hearted troupe had been adamant in their refusal to take responsibility for what he had proposed. '...closed the theatre for a week. You've been asleep for over thirty-six hours. Shula brought some gear up here to ensure you stayed asleep and healthy. Once your readings were close to normal she stopped the shots, which is how I knew roughly what time you'd come round.' He waited for the storm to break.

Zax licked his fingers clean in a highly distracting manner. 'No wonder I feel so good. Thanks.'

Galen's jaw sagged. 'Did you hear what I said?'

'You closed the theatre for a week. Which means we still have five nights off.'

'Six. You've forgotten to allow for the night you always close.'

'Even better. What shall we do with them?'

'You don't mind?'

Zax poured him some coffee. 'Here. You look as if you could use a stimulant. I would have done it myself but I couldn't bring myself to turn those people away. Stupid, because I was turning you away instead.' He gave Galen a leisurely kiss.

'I must close the theatre down more often,' said Galen, licking his lower lip.

Zax smoothed a tuft of dark hair where it jutted out above Galen's ear. 'You were that worried about how I'd react?'

'I wouldn't say worried exactly.'

Zax shook his head, affection and amusement warring for supremacy. 

'Maybe a little,' conceded Galen. 'Keeping the theatre open means a lot to you.'

'You mean more. Speaking of which, have you had your check-up with M7619?'

'Shula gave me a medical this morning before she left,' said Galen, looking sulky.

'Caught you out, did she? What did she say?'

'I'm in wonderful shape,' said Galen, preening.

'True. More to the point, what did she say?'

'That I don't need another medical until my check-up next year.'

Zax's eyes narrowed. 'Truth?'

Galen held up his hands in defeat. 'Really. I'm in perfect health. "Rude health" was how she put it.'

Zax clasped Galen's shoulder. 'Good. So when did the goats arrive?'

'The first evening you were asleep. The first we knew of it was when we were invaded. The herd ate half Sade's washing, Taruna's new dress and most of the chickpea plants before Eddy thought to tell us about them. He's been in disgrace ever since - and trying to keep the goats fenced in. Waste of time, they love chewing wood and we can't get enough wire to do the trick. Which is why I'm trying to adapt the signal on the tracking scanner. I thought it might keep them away from the house and garden, if I can find a frequency which won't give the hens hysterics.'

Zax inadvertently gargled on a mouthful of coffee. 'That dozy bunch!'

'I put them off laying yesterday,' said Galen with gloom.

'You did me a favour keeping me out of circulation,' said Zax with conviction. 'Why are we keeping goats if the women feel like that about them?'

'You don't imagine they blame the goats? No, they blame Eddy. And me, and Bob. They'll probably blame you now you're awake.'

'That decides it, we're going off by ourselves for a few days.'

'Where to?' asked Galen equably.

'Pick a direction. What's the point of having a holiday if we don't make the most of it? Some time alone is just what we need. I hope you're fit?' 

Galen had no difficulty in interpreting the speculative look Zax was giving him. He waved a dismissive hand. 'You might be feeling fantastic but even you can't fuck for six days. We've got things to do first.'

'Name one,' challenged Zax, his heavy-lidded gaze travelling over Galen and lingering over some well-loved spots.

'I can't concentrate while you're doing that,' Galen grumbled half-heartedly.

'I just wanted to reassure you that I don't just love you for your mind.'

'Consider me reassured. And pack it in. You might think you feel great but physically you're a mess. Exercise and fresh air, that's what you need.'

'That's what I had in mind. Or we could stay in bed and leave the windows open. I'm easy. I just wish you were. Or are you going to make me fight for your virtue? I'll be gentle with you.'

'I don't need that from - '

' - and rough. And everything in between,' continued his velvety-voiced seducer. 'Much as I love the others, I want you to myself for a few days,' Zax added without artifice.

Galen gave him a sharp-eyed glance but kept the mood light. 'You could talk anyone into anything.'

'Just so long as it works with you.' Zax looked so ridiculously hopeful that Galen's already soggy resistance melted away. 

'We'll leave tomorrow.' Mesmerised, he watched Zax flick his tongue across his lower lip. 'No one could accuse you of being subtle,' he sighed.

'I knew it would be wasted on you.'

'Can we be serious for a moment?'

'If we must.'

'Did you have any nightmares while you were asleep?'

'Not even about Bevis.' Zax found it easier to refer to the shape-changer by now, it was almost possible to accept what he had tried to do. That he had failed was due to Galen.

'Good. I went to see the Controller while you were asleep.'

'Why?'

'You mean apart from the fact I talk with whom I choose, when I choose?'

'I didn't mean it like that.'

'Yes, you did.'

'All right, I meant it.'

'We'll need his help to find Bevis.'

Zax concentrated on studying the grain of the wooden table top. 'You've been looking for him?'

'I made a few enquiries but found no trace of him, or Ina. She's our best hope of tracking Bevis - providing they're still together, of course.'

'That will depend on whether he needs her for anything.'

Galen's eyes narrowed in recognition. 'You want to help her.' He tried to avoid making an accusation of it.

'Pity's cheap. I treated her appallingly.'

'True. I'd been warned you could be a vicious bastard, you told me so yourself, but I didn't believe it until I saw what you did to her.'

Emotion wiped from his face, Zax didn't even blink. He had known Galen would find it impossible to forgive or forget the ugly way in which he'd tried to revenge himself.

'It wasn't watching you fuck her, she was obviously hot for it. What shook me was the merciless way you let her know how little you valued her. You stripped her of everything. It's a side of you I hadn't seen before.'

'And now you have.'

Anyone who didn't know Zax would just see the defiant challenge, thought Galen, resorting to his most potent weapon, silence.

Zax gave a tired grimace and rubbed the back of his neck. 'I knew what I was doing but it wasn't enough to stop me. Even now the thing I regret most is the fact you had to see it.'

'I managed to work that much out for myself.' Galen's smile was wry when he saw the flicker of surprise which crossed Zax's face. 'You don't need to perform for me. Did you think it was going to make a difference to us?'

'It already has, hasn't it.'

'Not in the way you mean.' Open affection on his face, Galen resisted the temptation to hug the straight-backed figure. 'You're an idiot.'

Zax flicked a forgotten, burnt-away cigarette into oblivion and rubbed his face with one hand. 'I think I must be because I don't understand.'

'I'm not explaining myself very well. Let's get it out into the open once and for all, then let it go. You need to understand that I'm not blind to what you are. I might not enjoy all of it but it's a part of who you are and I want all of you, not you doling out the parts you think my delicate sensibilities can stand. You behaved like a bastard and now you don't like yourself much. It happens to everyone at times. Accept it. Besides,' Galen added with a trace of irritation, 'you aren't the only one with a vicious streak - the only difference is that I seem to reserve mine for you. You've given me the power to hurt you, and you can't pretend I haven't. But however foul my mood I've come to expect you to be here for me. And you always have been. I trust you,' he finished simply.

'I know you do,' said Zax, when he had stopped worrying his lower lip.

'Maybe you do at that. I just wish you sounded happier about it. I know I said I wanted to be serious for a minute, but this is ridiculous. It happened, it's over. Bevis and Ina both tried to come between us. I'm buggered if I'm going to let you wallowing in guilt succeed where they failed. Clear?'

'But Ina - '

'You might have behaved like a shit to her but I'm not going to pretend I care about her bruised pride. Apart from mundane stuff like small-mindedness and jealousy on my part, she hurt you too much in the past.'

'You've nothing to be jealous about. She only hurt me physically. She and I never had what we do. I made the mistake of thinking I could help her in the same way I'd... But she wasn't Monica, or any of the others. I came close to destroying her. We never wanted the same things - from each other, or from life. I've never been interested in hoarding money.'

'That's a relief.'

Successfully side-tracked, Zax blinked. 'Why?'

'Because I've spent all our units.'

'It doesn't matter.'

'Somehow I knew you'd say that. Don't you want to know what I spent them on?'

'Not really. Unless you want to tell me. It's only money.'

'And he means it,' Galen told the ceiling with mock disbelief.

'We won't starve. An entertainer can always get a meal. No matter how poor people might be they always find something to pay us with.'

'And you'd never dream of giving a free performance?' said Galen affectionately.

'I need to eat. The point I was trying to make is that an entertainer need never starve, which is more than most people can be sure of.'

'Even Bevis?'

'If he keeps his act simple and doesn't frighten people away. That's how we'll trace him. He'll run out of money and need to earn some. There aren't so many entertainers that one will go unnoticed.'

'Have I got news for you. Since I started looking for Bevis I've discovered the Maze is crawling with entertainers. That's what I've been spending our money on. I've got people out in every Division on the lookout for new acts. They call in as soon as they hear of one - I had to buy them all call-notes. We try and check out each act ourselves. The Controller's given us the use of a couple of air trolleys, although now you're functioning again we shouldn't need to use them so much.'

'Gosh, thanks,' said Zax dryly, before curiosity overcame him. 'What are the acts like?'

'Most of them are pitiful, even allowing for the fact you've spoilt me. Though one singer Eddy saw wasn't bad. You know Eddy, he gave the kid his pocket synthesiser and some of his time. He plans to go back and help him with some more songs, if the kid doesn't arrive on our doorstep first.'

'Eddy will trade the shirts off our backs if we're not careful.'

'He can have the one you're wearing right now.' Galen viewed it with a critical eye. 'What colour is it supposed to be?'

Zax looked down at himself. 'I can't remember. Monica was experimenting at dyeing. This was her first attempt.'

Draped across the table Galen was happily engaged in unfastening the buttons of the despised shirt so he could stroke the bare flesh beneath it.

'There are more comfortable places than the kitchen table,' Zax said lazily.

Stroking Zax's bare stomach, Galen glanced up at him. 'Is that an invitation?'

'If we clear the table first. Crumbs,' Zax explained.

'Who needs a table?' Galen slid to his knees and unfastened Zax's canary yellow silk trousers, stroking the beginning-to-stir flesh with the side of his finger.

'What am I supposed to do?' asked Zax plaintively, before his breath caught, his head going back.

'Enjoy it. Now, I can talk, or I can drive you out of your mind. Your choice.' 

He slid his hands along the inside of Zax's thighs, thumbing the slight curve of his belly just above the pubic bone, knowing the right side was more sensitive than the left. He sucked the place where thigh and torso joined, his hair tickling the underside of Zax's cock, mouthing his balls, he felt thigh muscles tense and heard Zax's breathing quicken as he nipped the inside of Zax's left thigh. His prick jerked and Galen thumbed away the moisture at the slit before taking the head into his mouth, teasing for just long enough before taking him in fully. He made it last for as long as he knew how, until fingers tightened over his shoulders, a soft, broken sound escaping Zax as he tensed and came, Galen swallowing and licking him clean before releasing him with a final kiss. 

Raw memories soothed by that spontaneous loving, Zax gave a contented sigh and bent, rubbing his face against Galen's bowed head, his hands sliding over the muscled planes of his back. 

'What shall we do for you, eh?' he murmured lovingly. 'What would you like?'

Galen made an inarticulate sound against Zax's skin. 

Seconds later Zax had transferred them into their bedroom.

'Why?' Galen asked, as his clothing was stroked from him.

'I didn't think you were ready for public sex. Anike was heading into the kitchen.'

'I never thought of that with you.'

Zax kissed the crease above Galen's now exposed belly. 'It wouldn't have worried me particularly. It does you. Not a problem.' He kicked off the trousers still puddled around his ankles and made himself comfortable on the bed. 'I know what you said you wanted, but would you rather fuck me, now we're comfortable?'

'Yes,' said Galen, his hands stroking up Zax's thighs, 'I would.'

Zax gave a slow smile and reached for the phial of oil.

 

Galen eventually eased free to slump beside Zax, his rib cage still rising and falling faster than usual. He raised Zax's hand to his mouth and kissed it.

'How did you know I wanted your fingers?' he asked, his eyes brilliant, his mouth softened and his expression verging on the fatuous.

'It wasn't hard.'

'Was too,' Galen protested, hurt.

Zax cuffed him lightly, rolled closer and licked a pink nipple. 'What were we talking about before we got sidetracked?'

'I've no idea. Can't have been important.'

'I'm hungry.'

'Already? I could eat,' Galen allowed.

They pulled on cotton robes and went back to the deserted kitchen to rummage for food. Zax absently fed Galen the occasional titbit from a bowl of rice salad.

'What are you looking so thoughtful about?' asked Galen, getting up to look for more food.

'I'll have to do something to ensure Eddy gets more free time for his music. I've got too used to him spoiling me by playing live, rather than leaving me to rely on the computer. It's a waste of his talents.'

'Not on the nights you improvise, it isn't. Which is most nights. Those times are always the best.'

'I know. But perhaps he could devise some more programmes that I can control from the stage.'

'It'll be goodbye to spontaneity if you do. You can't expect a machine to cope with your flights of fancy the way Eddy does. It's as if he reads your mind some nights. How does he do that?'

Zax gave a derisive snort. 'The whole point of rehearsals is to make it look spontaneous.'

'Stop being superior. You know damn well that you and Eddy egg each other on. It's almost a game between the pair of you to see if you can catch one another out. It would drive you crazy to go back to a set format. The others, too. They like trying to second guess you. It isn't fair to your audiences to fob them off with second best either.'

'You're getting involved,' said Zax, his pleasure and surprise so obvious that Galen wished it had occurred to him to say something before.

'Of course I am. You don't see the faces of your audience when they come into the theatre, and the change in them by the time they leave.'

'I see them. I just wasn't sure you did. I know you aren't bored working with us but I hadn't realised you enjoyed it this much.'

'Nor did I,' admitted Galen. 'There are times when I envy you all. Being on stage, I mean. It's not a bad life, making people happy.'

'Well, you should know,' said Zax, smiling when Galen began to fidget.

 

The next two days were some of the most carefree Zax and Galen had enjoyed together. Leaving behind thoughts of Bevis, the goats, the theatre and Maze, they packed a haversack with food and headed off. They used the time well; talking, laughing and making love, they wandered for miles, seeing only birds and the occasional small mammal on their travels, and scenery so beautiful that it took the breath away.

On the third morning they awoke to discover they had eaten all the provisions and returned home before Galen's theories about cannibalism could be put into practice. Coloured by the sun and wind and moving with the ease of total well-being, their reception was warm, not to say heated. The women had been nurturing their grievances and were all determined to be the first to voice theirs. Sade won by sheer persistence.

'It's all right for you two,' she finished, in tones of high tragedy, 'you've had time to enjoy yourselves. Look at my hands!' She thrust one under Zax's nose.

Drunk on sunshine and Galen, he kissed her work-scarred palm.

Sade stared at him wide-eyed, before she swung round to glare at Eddy. 'When was the last time you did that, can you remember because I can't? All that matters to you is your bloody music while we're stuck here working our fingers to the bone to keep you fed and clean and...' Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

Harassed, Eddy glared at Zax. 'Now see what you've gone and done.'

'What everyone needs is a holiday,' said Zax magisterially. He beamed around the circle of angry faces as if expecting applause.

'We'd like one,' said Anike, sharing her look of dislike between the out-numbered men. 'Sometimes I think we women are the only ones who do any work around here. Bob skives off to see the Controller every chance he gets. Eddy has more time for those kids at the Music Complex than us, and as for Zax... Someone has to do the work around here, or do you think food appears by magic! We've been growing it, preparing it, cooking it, shopping for it, cleaning, washing - worrying ourselves silly about you two and - '

Sensing Zax's inflammatory 'Why?' hovering, Galen placed a hand over his mouth, deeming it prudent to take control. 'You've all done wonders,' he said, with a sincerity which made Zax feel nauseous. 'Of course you need a break, just as we did. So take one. Now. The theatre doesn't open for another three days. Forget everything, and have a good time. Zax and I will look after things here.'

'Bob and me, too?' asked Eddy, with a wary look at Sade, only to find Taruna, Rhian and Monica glaring at him.

'The girls won't enjoy themselves without you,' said Galen.

'Want to bet?' muttered Taruna.

Not quite as worried as he appeared, Eddy looked at her from hurt brown eyes. 'You mean that, love?'

A moment later she was in his arms.

'That settles it,' said Galen. 'You all go. Zax and I will be fine. We'll enjoy it.'

Zax gave him a look of appalled disbelief.

'What about that contract we have with Izaak and F3917?' said Monica. 'The next batch of vegetables are due to go out the day after tomorrow and we haven't even started harvesting them. Then there are the new acts to see...'

'They'll have to wait,' said Zax without reluctance. He had exacting standards, which were rarely met by amateurs.

'Don't forget the goats,' added Sade with malicious pleasure.

Zax, who had managed to, closed his eyes in anguish.

'We'll cope,' said Galen with sweeping confidence.

Monica the kind-hearted looked doubtful. 'They're a lot of work for all of us.'

'Nonsense,' said Sade. 'You heard the man, they'll cope.'

'Yes, but they don't know...'

'No 'buts', love,' said Eddy, eager to escape before Zax appreciated what Galen had done to him.

Thirty minutes later the house, looking as if a whirlwind had passed through it, was empty except for Zax and Galen.

'Do you have any idea what you've let us in for?' enquired Zax with silken-voiced affability.

Aware of his poor defensive position, Galen rubbed his nose. 'Not really, but they were so sure we wouldn't be able to cope that I wasn't about to back down. I don't see what's so terrible about picking a few vegetables, and I'm not afraid of the goats even if you are.'

Zax ignored the accusation because it happened to be true. 'Do you know what we have to do?'

'Monica left a list.'

'Well, before you sweep us away on a wave of confidence, why don't we have a look at it?'

'You're pissed off with me, aren't you?' recognised Galen, handing over the list.

Zax propped himself against the table, his feet on the seat of a chair and slung an arm around Galen. 'Not yet. This isn't so bad,' he said, glancing at the list.

Galen peered over his shoulder. 'There are another two pages.'

They read the extensive list in silence, then stared at each other in consternation. 

'They must be mad,' said Zax with conviction. 'No one in their right minds would do all this work. I didn't even know we had this much land under cultivation.'

'We haven't. The women have done all the work.'

'I've done some,' said Zax, stung.

'Yeah, about the same as me, very little.'

'You were knifed, you've got an alibi. No wonder Anike's been giving me a hard time. Why are we peddling vegetables anyway?'

'Some is barter for seeds and plants for next year. And fruit trees. Which do you want to do, there's plenty to choose from? What we get done today we won't have to do tomorrow. Once everything's trimmed and packed we still have to get it to Izaak's. You can't transport the stuff all the way unless you want to broadcast what you can do, which means we''ll be using muscle power. Ours.'

'I don't remember volunteering for anything.'

Galen pushed Zax out into the sunshine.


	27. Chapter 27

TWENTY SEVEN

Exhausted by his hours of digging, bending and lifting, Galen had been hampered by the need to drive away the inquisitive goats from dearly harvested root crops at five minute intervals. He tied the top of the last hessian sack and tried to straighten but his stiffened muscles were reluctant to cooperate. He flexed his shoulders, winced and smugly surveyed the fruits of his labours.

Only then did it occur to him that he had not seen Zax for some hours. They had tried working together but the experiment had not been a success. Squabbling over the best - fastest - way of lifting turnips, they had surrendered to the competitive element in their relationship and decided on a competition to see who could clear their plot of land the fastest.

Certain he must be the victor, Galen went to find Zax to indulge in some ignoble gloating. He bypassed the blissfully distended goats, affecting not to notice what they were chewing and rounded the corner of the house. Tiny flashes of energy from the edge of the orchard made him break into a run.

He staggered to a halt when he was close enough to see what was happening. 'I saw the energy flashes through the trees and thought you were being attacked,' he gasped, his hands on his knees while he tried to catch his breath.

Zax was sitting cross-legged on the ground, juggling vegetables with a serene ease. 'By turnips?' 

'Do you mean to tell me that while I've been breaking my back, you've been juggling?'

'Not all the time,' soothed Zax.

'You were supposed to be harvesting your share, where is it?'

'Behind you.' Small bursts of energy skimmed from the twisting spheres to shimmer against the velvety background of the sky before they dissipated. 'I've done tomorrow's quota as well. Yours _and_ mine,' said Zax, gleefully rubbing salt in the wound.

There was just light enough to reveal the neatly filled boxes and bulging sacks. Galen blinked but the mound did not diminish. 'How did you manage to do this lot?' he squeaked in disbelief. 'Did you remember to trim off the tops?'

'You told me three times. I even remembered to put the trimmings on that disgusting heap Anike calls compost.' Zax's nose wrinkled with distaste, his face illuminated by the silver and gold light sparkling around him.

Galen sank opposite him, batting away the odd energy flare. 'I don't understand how you managed to get all this done. I've cleared no more than a quarter of the amount and I'm exhausted. You look as fresh as when we started. What have you done? You're looking far too pleased with yourself for it to have been anything sensible.'

'Well, remembering how everyone was so keen that I should experiment to discover the limit of my powers, I decided to.'

'Wonderful timing. When did you have this brainwave?'

'About the time I got my first blister. Look!' A flamboyant gesture lit the area to reveal lines of freshly disturbed earth.

'So?'

'You're determined to be grudging about this, aren't you?'

'All right, all right.' Galen sat up, miming exaggerated interest. 'So what did you do?'

'Patronising bugger,' said Zax without heat. 'Watch that first row of turnips.'

Before Galen's fascinated gaze the dry earth hugging the turnip began to shiver and crumble, the delicate fronds swaying; the entire row rose out of the earth, before settling on their sides, the base of the tops neatly alined. There was a gleam of silver from a battered looking knife as it travelled the length of the row, topping each turnip with a neat economy of motion that made it difficult to keep track of its progress.

It was an eerie sight. About to speak, Galen recognised the concentration on Zax's face and thought the better of it.

'See?' said Zax gleefully, relaxing when all motion had stopped.

'I saw, I'm just not sure I believe it.' Galen crawled over to peer into the box, before giving Zax a sheepish grin. 'I just wanted to make sure they were real. That's some trick.'

'It isn't bad, is it. It took me a while to get the hang of it. I made the mistake of experimenting on those late lettuces - I used too much energy and had them exploding all over the place.'

Galen was close enough to see the shreds of green caught up in Zax's hair, together with a generous sprinkling of soil. 'It could have been worse. It could have been the knife you had trouble with.'

'Funny you should say that...'

Galen groaned. 'That's why you're sitting down, right. You've chopped off your toe.'

'You should be a comedian. It isn't that bad. Just that I lost concentration for a moment. You remember that mulberry bush Anike liked so much? It might grow back,' said Zax, with more hope than conviction. He became aware of the silence next to him and turned from his contemplation of the once flourishing bush. 'You don't seem very pleased.'

'I've been breaking my back while you sat on your bum and _cheated_.'

Zax looked at him in astonishment. 'You'd rather have blisters?'

' _I've_ got them,' said Galen acidly, holding out his hands palm upwards.

'So you have. I was going to let you know but I got so involved with what I was doing that I forgot. I didn't want to stop in case I lost the knack. It's been one of the most difficult things I've ever tried. I'm not convinced it wouldn't have been less effort to do everything manually.'

'I am,' said Galen, not inclined to be forgiving without a good inducement.

'I'll find something to put on those blisters when we get back to the house.' Zax gave him a placating pat. 'You wouldn't believe how much needs to be worked out beforehand. And I have to channel the energy so tightly that - '

After a desperate snort Galen gave way to mild hysteria and collapsed onto his back.

'You all right?' asked Zax, shredded lettuce dropping from him as he leant over Galen.

'Don't set me off again. Only you could sit there pontificating about the amount of energy required to lift a turnip.'

'It's a very complex operation and - '

'Such innocence,' Galen mocked affectionately, tugging at Zax's shirt front to ease him down to him.

'I thought it might cheer you up.'

'It did, so you can stop groping me, I haven't got the energy.'

'Really? I'll have to see what I can do about that.'

 

'I'm done for,' groaned Galen, a short time later.

'You don't know your own strength,' said Zax, his cheek pillowed on a dark-haired thigh.

Galen wriggled as he became aware of a stone in the small of his back. 'I hate to think what we must look like. Still, at least I can see your fingerprints on me,' he added, peering down at himself.

'Some parts are cleaner than others.' Zax snuffled happily into Galen's navel, making the muscles of his abdomen twitch.

'That tickles,' said Galen, giving Zax's rump a light slap, before palming the area.

'I wish I could say the same for your chin. I'm covered in stubble burn.'

'You'll survive. You didn't bother to check who I was.' 

Zax gave him a look of amused affection. 'Who else but you would charge over here and do nothing but complain when they find I'm all right?'

'That doesn't change the fact - '

'You're such a good loser.'

'You cheated,' insisted Galen.

'If it makes you feel better to think so. Let's go back to the house, I'm starving.'

'What's for supper?' Galen got to his feet now he had been offered sufficient inducement and began to rearrange his disordered clothing.

'Vegetable stew?'

Hampered by the fact he was drawing up his trousers, Zax failed to dodge Galen's retaliatory swipe.

 

While, thanks to Zax, they completed the contract with Izaak and F3917, the goats were not so easily dealt with, steadfast in their preference for feasting on what little was left of Anike's herb garden.

When he had been butted for the third time Zax began to consider desperate measures. He glared at his unconcerned adversary, who was busy investigating the potential of a bag of nails for a snack.

'If that bloody animal knocks me flying one more time we'll be dining on roast goat.'

Almost as dirty, and with two new tears in his jumpsuit, Galen sat beside him. 'I can't remember the last time I ate meat rather than soya substitute. How are you going to kill it? That knife's too blunt.'

'Who said anything about killing...? Don't get clever with me. Bloody animal,' Zax repeated morosely. 'I swear it's laughing at me.'

'Well I have been so why shouldn't he? I brought you a drink, you look hot.'

'Don't push it,' Zax advised him, before a grin broke through. He took a gulp from the mug Galen handed him and spluttered in disgust. 'Goat's milk!'

'It's good for you.'

'I knew you'd never forgive me for making you drink that while you were in hospital.'

'You were right.' Galen was paying little attention to their conversation, distracted by the picture Zax presented. Half-naked, dirt-streaked, unshaved and smelling strongly of goat and sweaty man the impulse to bend him over the pile of logs and fuck him into next week was acute. He leant over to lick the trace of milk adorning Zax's top lip, one hand already busy with the button at the waist of Zax's trousers.

'In a hurry, are we?' enquired Zax as his loose silk trousers puddled around his ankles, leaving him bare except for a flimsy white muslin shirt and leather slip-ons.

Galen was unfastening his jumpsuit. 

'Yes, I see that we are,' said Zax. 'What d'you have in mind?'

'Me bollock deep in you,' said Galen, giving the last zip a frustrated tug when it failed to open fast enough.

'Ah. Well, unless that's phial of oil in your pocket.'

'No, just me,' said Galen, palming Zax's buttocks, their pricks brushing.

Zax's eyelids fluttered to a close, which was when the cold nose of a goat goosed him. 

Galen resigned himself to celibacy for the foreseeable future and with some regret began to refasten his jumpsuit. 

Fully dressed, with his back to a tree, Zax was glaring at the goats like a maiden aunt who has discovered a burglar masturbating under the bed.

'How much effort would it take for you to keep the goats under control with an energy field?' asked Galen. 'We could move them around as they clear the ground. Can't have them going hungry, or getting bored.' He discouraged a small female from nudging between his thighs.

'Obviously a goat of good taste.' Zax's grin faded as he absorbed what Galen had said. 'When did you think of the energy field?'

'About five minutes after you started to round them up,' Galen admitted.

'Sod. Inspired sod though. As for you,' Zax tilted the mug of milk, offering it to the goat nudging his side, 'try this instead.' He absently caressed the bent head, his fingertips finding just the right spot between the tiny horns. 'I suppose they aren't that bad, when you get used to them. We'd better start thinking about building them some shelter. I've been doing some reading. They don't like the cold or the damp and it will soon be autumn. Though at least it comes a bit later here.'

His eyes warm with affection, Galen watched the unlikely pair and forbore to mention that a billy goat was slinking away with one of Zax's leather slip-ons.

 

Refreshed, exuberant and slightly remorseful about their desertion, the troupe descended on the house as precipitately as they had left it, shattering the peace.

'You're back early,' noted Galen, not bothering to raise his head from Zax's lap. 'We didn't expect to see you until tomorrow. Mmn.' He was soundly kissed by each member of the troupe, and sat up, laughing, to fend off Eddy when he came back for more.

'You had a good time,' recognised Zax, sitting up seconds before Anike sank into the spot his head had occupied.

'Wonderful,' she said dreamily, stretching out her endless legs. 'Until we ran out of units.'

'And energy,' said Bob. He shared a reminiscent look with Anike.

'I don't think we should hear any more,' said Galen.

'You shouldn't, mate,' said Eddy, who was looking sleekly exhausted. 'We had a great time. How have you been managing? We thought we'd find you hard at work.'

'That's the other reason we came back early,' said Taruna. 'We thought you might need some help.'

'Did you complete the contracts in time?' asked Monica anxiously.

'Relax, love. All taken care of. That's a pretty dress you're not wearing,' noted Zax with appreciation. 'Very slinky. Pretty dresses all round, in fact. Especially yours, Eddy.'

The musician gave him the finger.

'How did you get everything done in time?' asked Rhian curiously.

'And what about the goats?' added Sade.

'No trouble at all,' said Zax airily.

Galen rolled his eyes.

'Suppose you tell us what really happened,' said Sade.

'It _is_ all done,' Galen confirmed.

'The fields are clear,' Anike reminded the others.

'You've been checking up on us,' said Galen.

'We just had a quick look,' said Anike.

'Now you can come and have a long one before you tell us how brilliant we are,' invited Zax, bouncing to his feet.

'It's pitch black out there,' protested Eddy.

'Magician,' Zax reminded him, herding them outside into the light he provided. 'There,' he said grandly, his arms outflung. 'What do you think?'

'Very nice, but what happened to that mulberry bush? It was almost a tree, now it's a twig,' said Anike, predictably missing nothing.

Deflated, Zax sighed. 'Would you believe it got struck by lightning?'

'No. What happened?' pursued Anike, not readily side-tracked.

'He cut it down,' said Galen.

'By accident,' added Zax hastily.

'With a knife he was using to top turnips with,' elaborated Galen, who was enjoying himself.

Monica's attention was on the goats, who were grazing contentedly farther up the hillside, as untroubled by the sudden manifestation of light as they seemed to be by everything else. 'How did you get them to stay there?' She trotted over to them, the others trailing behind her.

'It's easy when you know how,' said Zax smugly, seconds before he collided with the energy fence.

Eddy helped him back to his feet and while his mouth did not so much as twitch, Zax slapped him on the backside anyway.

'What did you walk into?' asked Bob.

'There's an energy field around the goats,' said Galen.

'It's all very well having an invisible fence,' said Monica, having established its height with her hands, 'but how are we supposed to know where it is if even Zax forgets?'

'I marked the boundaries with stones,' said Galen. 'See?'

'If those stones are accurately placed the fence isn't very straight, is it,' said Taruna.

Zax pretended not to hear her.

Eddy nudged him. 'Is it safe for Monica to sit on, only she's gone all giggly?'

'Of course it is.'

Bright of eye and pink of cheek, Monica was encouraging the other women to join her. 'It feels _lovely_. All warm and sort of tingly where you most want it to be tingly.' She gave another little grind and wriggle, her eyes fluttering to a close. 'Come on up, Sade.'

Eddy and Galen looked at one another, then at Zax, who shrugged his incomprehension.

'This is _fabulous_ ,' approved Sade, who looked as if she was straddling nothing, a dreamy, self-absorbed expression on her face as she rocked backwards and forwards with rhythmic precision.

'Only you would think of this,' Bob said to Zax.

Untypically slow to appreciate why the fence was so popular, Zax looked self-conscious when he received several glassy-eyed grins from the women. 'So what do you think of our efforts - and no, I don't mean that bloody fence? And I wish you'd get off,' he added irritably. 'It's...'

'Embarrassing you?' purred Sade.

'Not exactly,' said Galen, who knew his Zax.

'Oh,' said Anike, carefully not looking at either of them. 

Bob's grin broadened and Eddy turned aside, discreetly rearranging himself. 

After a decent interval the women came over to join them.

'So what do you think?' said Zax, gesturing expansively, now he was able to concentrate on his triumphs again.

Anike began a tour of inspection. 'Not bad,' she allowed. 'Even if you did cheat.'

'These blisters didn't come from cheating.' Galen displayed his war wounds as they returned to the house.

Everyone turned to Zax.

'I've got one blister,' he said defensively.

'I bet I know where it's located. Been a handful, has he?' Eddy asked Galen. 'Because we might have just the thing to help quieten him down. We bought you a present.'

'What about me?' said Zax.

'It's for both of you.'

'In case you get bored,' added Sade.

Zax groaned. 'We're being set up, I can feel it.'

'Judging us by the way you'd behave, that's your trouble,' said Eddy, tossing him a slim package.

'You really think Zax needs any more books?' sighed Galen.

Zax twitched it out of his hands and tore open the brown paper wrapping. 'It's old.... "The Joys of Gay Sex".' He looked up with a puzzled frown. 'I'm clear on the 'sex' part but why 'gay'?'

'I've always found it a cheery enough pastime,' said Eddy.

'More like obsession,' murmured Taruna.

Rhian grinned and linked arms with her.

Zax dismissed the curious title and flicked through the book, wary of booby-traps. There were none, so he concentrated on the text, looking up at Galen with disbelief when he saw the illustrations. 'They've bought us a bloody sex manual.'

His lips twitching, Galen came to take a look. 'Maybe they think we need inspiration.'

'Not judging from those pictures,' said Monica unguardedly. 

Zax and Galen both turned to her. She withstood their survey for only a few seconds before blushing.

'Maybe we should sell tickets,' said Galen, kissing her cheek.

'They probably have been.' Zax smiled at her because his uptight Galen was making jokes about it. Intrigued, he returned his attention to the printed page. 'Monica could have a point.'

His chin propped on Zax's shoulder, Galen had begun to read. 'Turn over the page,' he said huskily.

Zax turned his head to him. 'Why bother, we know what happens next.'

Engrossed in each other, they did not notice the room empty as the troupe realised that they would soon be redundant.

'His arse isn't up to the standard of yours.' Galen was already stroking Zax's flanks as they indulged in some leisurely frottage.

Galen's prick nudging the cleft of his buttocks, Zax parted his legs and arched his back in encouragement. 'Like that, is it,' he murmured, shivering when Galen pinched his left nipple, before rubbing it over and over with his thumb.

'Mmn. Turn the page.'

'You can have my arse, or you can have the book, but you can't have both at the same time.' Already hard, Zax's voice caught as Galen slipped his hand beneath the loosened silk of his trousers, kneading his belly with his palm before stroking downwards to grasp his prick, his callused fingers providing additional stimulation. Zax lent back against Galen, his breathing quickening. 

Galen gave him a final squeeze,and tossed the book onto the sofa, before nudging Zax in the direction of the door.

'You've opted for me, then,' said Zax, unsurprised.

'Once I've got you out of the way I can read without any distraction,' Galen explained, straight-faced.

Zax raised his eyebrows. 'Want to bet?' And while he did not move, the air seemed suddenly charged with sexual heat.

'Smug bastard,' mumbled Galen.

Zax blinked. 'You mean it worked?' There was something both disarming and endearing about his surprise. 

Galen kneaded the downy hollow of Zax's back before cupping his arse and squeezing it, fingers exploring the cleft, nudging in to tease Zax's anus as he nuzzled the side of Zax's throat. He loved these times when Zax became his play-thing, allowing him to do whatever he wanted with him. But then he loved all the times. 

A banging door made Galen lift his head, his eyes brilliant with sexual heat.

'Best go to our room,' said Zax, sliding around to face him. 'I don't think you're ready for an audience just yet.'

'If that's what you wanted, I'd try,' Galen said simply. He had the pleasure of depriving Zax of breath without even trying.

'I don't,' said Zax at last, nuzzling hungrily at Galen's lower lip.

Caught in a heady world of sensation, they lost themselves to scents and touch and the soft sounds as they kissed and sucked and stroked the flesh they were revealing.

'Our room,' said Zax again, some time later, silk clinging damply to the head of his clearly defined prick.

Galen nodded in a vague kind of way.

Zax sighed and gathered both of Galen's hands in one of his own before steering Galen into their bedroom and locking the door behind them.

All his attention on Zax, Galen moved as he was directed, conscious only of the gentle insistence of the hands which stroked away the remainder of his clothing until he was naked and seated on a high-backed wooden chair. His eyes widened at the shock of the chill wood against his heat, and he gasped when a cool, lush slickness glided over his blood-engorged prick, careful not to offer too much stimulation in case he should spill.

He thrust upwards, making a soft sound of protest when he felt the light pressure on his shoulders holding him in place.

'In a moment. Just a moment more.' Zax eased free of his own clothes, the silk of his shirt caressing Galen's knees as it slid to the floor.

His mind fogged, it seemed to Galen that Zax approached him in slow motion. All he could see was the grace with which the supple body straddled his parted thighs, and the expression in Zax's eyes. Their mouths met and clung, tasting one another as if for the first time. Slick and hungry for one another, urgency deepened as their erections met and touched, sending jolts of pleasure darting through them. Galen arched against unyielding wood, his hands tightening over Zax, who half-rose, one hand on Galen's shoulder for support as he slid his legs through the open arms of the chair.

Galen fumbled for the lubricant, coating his fingers before pressing home, Zax's expression his guide as the head of his prick replaced his fingers so very carefully, until Zax took charge, sinking down to take Galen into himself in one long, slow thrust, both of them lush with lubricant.

His gasp mingled with the sound Galen made as he fought not to move, his thigh muscles braced, fingers curled tight over the arms the chair rather than his human scabbard. His fact taut, Zax was murmuring soft reassurances as he tilted forward infinitesimally, correcting the angle before he began to move.

Their hands on and about each other, their pace was leisurely first, rocking and rising and falling, their mouths together. Inexorably the need for more overtook them. One hand around Zax's prick, the other encircling his back, Galen's grip tightened, hastening the inevitable, warmth splattering onto his wrist and torso as he took the soft sound Zax made into himself. A few strokes more and he was there, his breath damp against Zax's racing heart as they slowly stilled and fell quiet, gentling one another, still slickly joined.

Their breathing slow to calm, they nuzzled and stroked their sweat-dampened skin until they had to part. Cramped and unsteady, sticky and dopey with love, they tumbled into bed to doze and pet away the night hours. And in the morning they did it all again.

 

Cheerful, despite Zax's flow of complaints, which had started the moment Bob knocked on their bedroom door with a message from the Controller, Galen accompanied him to the Maze.

'If you feel that strongly about it we'll go home,' he said mildly. 'The Controller just asked to see you. It wasn't an order. You're not still nervous of him, are you?'

Zax gave a derisive snort and tucked his arm companionably into the crook of Galen's now that the routeway was clear enough for them to walk abreast. 'It's _they_ , not _he_ and of course I'm not. Well, a bit. And feeling nervous makes me irritable.'

'No?' marvelled Galen. He stumbled through the doorway into the Controller's chamber rather than making the conventional entrance he had intended.

'When you have finished squabbling perhaps it will be possible to discuss Zax's reaction to the fact the shape-changer is alive and remains at large,' said the Controller.

'If that's all I'm going back to bed,' said Zax.

'You trust me so little?'

'I don't trust any of you at all.'

'Is it our dual nature, or your fear that you will be compelled to take over responsibility for sustaining life in the Maze which disturbs you the most?'

'I think you'd like to try to force me.'

'You assume we would fail.'

'I can guarantee you will,' said Zax with a chilling certainty.

'Then it is fortunate the matter will never be put to the test. We wanted to reassure you.'

'If you can't understand that all you're doing is making him angry, take my word for it,' said Galen.

'I wish you'd remember I'm capable of looking after myself.' Zax's tone of mild complaint was in stark contrast to the one he had used when he addressed the Controller.

'What you fear is impossible, not least because you are temperamentally unsuited to join us.'

'Really?' said Zax.

'I don't believe I'm hearing this,' sighed Galen. 'I know you're in the mood to argue about everything but try to keep quiet for a minute. The Controller can't control minds. You're the one who initiated contact with him.'

'Then how did four people get trapped in his logic circuits?' demanded Zax.

'They choose to join the Controller of their own free will and they worked to make that possible because they had a dream and were prepared to make sacrifices to see it come true.'

'You really believe that, don't you,' recognised Zax, more in wonderment than mockery.

'Yes. I admire integrity, and the courage which acts on strong conviction. Can't you recognise those traits in others just because they take a different form from yours? I would have thought you'd suffered from enough prejudice.'

'I may have been wrong,' allowed Zax after a few moments. 'But I've seen too much of what scientists can do to trust them easily. Why did you want to see me?'

'To ascertain your emotional response to the fact the shape-changer is alive.'

'He needs to be found,' said Zax, emotion pressed from his voice.

'Agreed. What do you propose should happen to him then?'

'You won't have to worry about that if I find him first,' said Galen.

'I'm the only one capable of guarding against what he can do.' His attention wholly on Galen, the intensity of Zax's gaze created a private world it was difficult to resist. 'No vendettas,' he added gently. 'Bevis isn't worth what it would do to you.'

The predatory look slowly faded from Galen's face. 'We'll talk about it later.'

Zax had the sense not to push the issue.

'You attempted to kill the shape-changer once before,' said the Controller.

'And failed. I hadn't forgotten,' said Zax tartly.

'It was an observation, not an accusation. How would you approach the problem this time?'

'I don't know. In a way it was a relief to discover I hadn't murdered him, although it wasn't for lack of trying. You consider me to be as great a threat as Bevis?'

This not a possibility he had considered, Galen turned.

'No,' said the Controller. 'While you possess a formidable power, you are not irresponsible. Some years ago, when you first came to the attention of the authorities, it became apparent that along with your power you possessed an equally strong determination not to impose it on others. You must know you were watched, did you never wonder why?'

'I was taught why in Sector J,' said Zax bitterly.

'By the time you settled on the Island the authorities were content to observe you. It was noted that you exerted a beneficial influence on your audiences. Which is why you were never detained.'

'Before I came to China I hadn't even tested my own limits! I can't believe the risk you took in bringing me here. Why did you really want me? It's not just to entertain, is it?'

'That was not the principal reason we sought your services. We want you to teach.'

'So my abilities as a performer didn't interest you?' Zax took the news too calmly for Galen's liking.

The Controller saw no need for cushioning subterfuge. 'No, although your theatre has exercised a beneficial influence on morale.'

'Careful, too much praise will go to my head. Someone made a mistake. I'm an entertainer.'

Galen winced, recognising the bruised ego of an artist when he heard it.

'You are the only hope for some in this community. There have been individuals who required assistance outside our experience. Their need often became apparent only when it was too late.'

'This is the first I've heard of it,' said Galen. 'How many people are we talking about?'

'It would only take one to destroy the Maze. Forty-two that we know of, in China alone.'

'No problem. Wheel them in and I'll wave my magic wand. I can't help them,' said Zax.

'You survived. Few of the others have been so fortunate. Not all the mass deaths have been due to food shortages, factional quarrels, greed, or natural disasters. In the most recent incident F8368 discovered her mate with another sexual partner, in the ensuing argument she became irrational. While this is no more than speculation, we believe this is when her dormant power came to life. Eye witnesses saw her mate...melt. Reports are unreliable, those witnesses who survived were hysterical. Substantial rock falls followed.'

'Are you suggesting she was a magician?' said Galen.

'She possessed the ability to summon and use energy as Zax can. Unlike Zax she had no means of controlling what she summoned.'

'How can you be so sure?' asked Zax sceptically.

'Two members of our rescue team saw her die. She imploded.'

Zax winced but shook his head. 'I can't help you.'

'What will become of the others who may need help?'

'I neither know nor care.' Zax wrapped his coat around himself.

'None of those who died understood what was happening to them, they died in terror.'

'Were they as powerful as Zax?' asked Galen.

'If any had been, it is unlikely the Maze would still exist. The incidents have not been restricted to one social group or sexual gender.'

'But Numbers,' said Galen.

'You know of Numbers who possess abilities unheard of before the holocaust, particularly amongst the _elite_ , who chose to work in the Centres.'

'Genetic mutations,' dismissed Galen.

'Thank you,' said Zax.

'You're different.'

'Am I? Would you call what I can do natural?'

'In you, yes,' said Galen stubbornly.

'We cannot compel you to help. It was hoped your sense of compassion would prevail,' said the Controller.

'You just want an easy solution to a problem the scientists can't explain or control.' Zax was shivering with a mixture of rage and panic, only too aware of his own inadequacies. 'May the bastards rot! They're the ones responsible for the whole mess.'

'What makes you assume that?' asked the Controller.

'Where are the magicians of the past, outside those of fairy tale and legend?'

'Wasn't it your claim that your power was a secret, passed from generation to generation through the male line?' said the Controller.

Disconcerted, Zax stopped pacing. 'You've been talking to Bob.'

'He believed you. As do we.'

'I seem to have said too much to everyone.'

'Your knowledge could be invaluable to those in desperate need of guidance and reassurance.'

'And one miscalculation on my part could destroy them, me, or the entire Maze. Don't you understand? I could make things worse, not better!'

'We only ask that you try.'

'How many people are we talking about?'

'Only one at the moment.'

Zax's eyes narrowed in suspicion. 'This tragic figure wouldn't be a skinny kid of twelve or so, answering to the name of Sax, would he? I refused him when he asked, I'm refusing now.'

'I wish I'd known what you intended,' Galen said to the Controller. 'It isn't Zax's fault that he's not equipped to help these people.'

Zax absorbed the implications of what Galen had said. 'Are you saying I _can't_ do it?'

'No, of course not. But it wouldn't be an easy, or a five minute job. When Sax first asked you for lessons you told me you could do more harm than good. I believe you.' Galen willed the Controller to remain silent.

Zax's chin jutted. 'You don't think I could handle the brat?'

'Do you?'

'With one hand tied behind my back, if I had to. Which I don't.'

'There are you then,' shrugged Galen.

'Don't give me that. If you've got something to say, say it.'

'It's an easy claim to make when you know it won't be put to the test.'

'Give me the kid for three months and we'll see who was right,' said Zax arrogantly.

'That may be a solution,' said the Controller.

Galen shook his head. 'You know what Zax's temper is like. He could frighten the boy into doing something dangerous. And from what I've heard about Sax he isn't the easiest person to get on with.'

'I'm telling you I can handle him,' insisted Zax. He looked beyond Galen. 'Do I get the chance to prove it or not?'

'His welfare is our paramount concern. If you do not believe you can help him it would be wiser to concede as much now,' said the Controller.

'In the meantime you have an untrained magician running amok.'

'We are unwilling to put either of you at risk. As Galen has pointed out, you are not the most patient of men, and he is not the most amenable of individuals. Your encounters could be heated.'

'He'll be safe enough with me.'

'But will you?' asked Galen, this not a point he had considered until now.

'After Bevis? Give me a break. Sax will be safer with me than wandering the Maze, picking pockets and experimenting whenever it takes his fancy. Besides, I'll have Galen to help me,' added Zax.

Galen's shoulders slumped in defeat. 'When did you realise what I was doing?'

'Not soon enough,' said Zax, caught between amusement and outrage.

'I'll do all I can to help.'

'I know you will.' Zax turned his attention back to the Controller. 'Tell Sax to be at the stage door tomorrow afternoon, two o'clock.' He turned and left the room at speed.

'You and your bright ideas,' sighed Galen, before he hurried after him.

He glued himself to Zax's side, keeping pace with him through the twisting, crowded routeways. It became more difficult as they reached the Exterior, thanks to the furious pace Zax set up a near vertical slope. The soles of his boots offering little purchase over the pine-needles carpeting the ground, Galen was almost on his hands and knees by the time he reached the summit. Oblivious to the magnificent views, he flopped to the ground. As his breathing rate slowed, he became aware of the sharp smell of his own sweat and resin from the pine-needles which pricked his shoulder blades. 

'Are you still pissed off with me?' he asked.

'Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be. You set me up.'

'You would have agreed in the end. I just saved a lot of arguing about the inevitable.'

'Remind me to feel grateful later.'

Galen rolled onto his side and rested his forehead against Zax's arm. 'I know the idea scares you but if anyone can help him it's you. Look on it as a challenging performance, if it helps.'

'It doesn't,' said Zax, knowing Galen had no idea of how badly things could go wrong.

 

'So when should we expect the patter of tiny feet around the place?' asked Eddy, when Zax ran out of the breath to complain.

'He won't be living here. I might be trying to train him but I'm buggered if I'll be his nursemaid.'

'It's a boy then,' said Monica brightly. 'I only asked,' she added, when Zax looked at her.

'Sax,' said Galen, his parted legs tucked on either side of Zax, who was sitting on the floor at his feet.

'Not the boy who wanted lessons?' said Bob.

Zax's scowl would have incinerated a lesser man.

'I only wondered,' said Bob, but his grin betrayed him.

'Try doing it tactfully,' said Anike. 'How would you feel if you'd been saddled with trying to teach?'

'Who got you reading, honey?'

'I taught myself,' she said with dignity.

'With my help.'

'And Zax, Galen and - '

'Don't let's quarrel about that,' said Eddy with haste. 'I quite enjoy it. Tonight's show it was a good one.'

'It had its moments,' allowed Galen. 'Particularly when Sade's left tit popped into view.'

'It did not,' she denied hotly.

'It wasn't accidental, you mean? Great, you can do it every night,' said Galen. 'It caused quite a stir.'

'Oh, shut up.' She curled up in an armchair to sulk.

'Are you suggesting the audience would rather see that kind of show?' Zax half-turned the better to direct his glare.

'I'm in too good a mood for a fight,' said Galen, stroking Zax's cheek with the side of his thumb.

Zax jerked his head away. 'It's all a joke to you, isn't it? But I'm the one who's supposed to explain things I barely understand myself.'

'How did _you_ start out doing magic?' asked Eddy.

'What's that got to do with anything?'

'It might help concentrate your thoughts,' said Bob.

'Besides, I'd like to know something about what you were like before you got old and raddled,' said Galen, finger-combing Zax's unruly hair.

'Sweet-talker.'

'Don't go makin' goo-goo eyes at Galen again,' said Eddy. 'When did you realise you could do things other kids couldn't - and it's magic I'm asking about, not your sexual fantasies.'

'Spoilsport.'

'Try answering the question,' said Rhian.

Her entrance into the conversation convinced Zax they were serious. He sighed and thought about it. 'We were always on the move, touring. Not in a group, just us. We rarely spent more than a couple of nights in the same place. My father worked the walkways. That's where I learnt to pick pockets. It seemed to come to me naturally.'

'That's not something to boast about,' said Galen. 'What kind of act did your father do?'

'A bit of everything: patter;conjuring; songs, scarves from his sleeve, flowers from hats, sometimes he'd try fire flashes, or to create a light show. But he wasn't very good so sometimes I'd do them for him - until he found out.'

'He wasn't pleased?' prompted Anike.

'You could say that. I couldn't move without snivelling for days. But the beating taught me to be careful, and to disguise what I could do. I didn't understand why at first, but then it's always seemed strange that people would pay to watch me do things which come naturally to me.'

'How old were you?' asked Eddy, who was in protective mode.

'Nine or ten, I'm not sure.'

'You could do magic at that age?' exclaimed Galen.

Zax shrugged. 'Only simple stuff - and not every time I tried.'

'Was it just the two of you?' asked Eddy.

'And my mother.'

'What was she like?' Galen had never heard Zax mentioned her and had presumed she'd died when he was too young to remember her.

'She was pretty but...cold. I was afraid of her. She didn't want me - any kids - around, making demands on her time. Luckily she was away a lot. Things were better then. Dad had always been the one who looked after me. When she was around they argued. Mainly about bartering me - she wanted to, he stopped her. Funny, I haven't thought of her in years.' Zax pulled on his ear lobe. 'Dad changed when she died. We'd always got on until then.'

'Except when he was beating you,' said Galen.

Zax turned, one arm on Galen's thigh. 'No, it wasn't like that. He only did it once and he didn't enjoy it any more than I did. It was the only way he knew to make me realise how dangerous it is to be too good at the inexplicable. That's when he gave me the medallion. To remind me. Don't forget, we were touring Sector J at the time. I could have got us killed. Or worse. Up until she died I was treated better than most kids I met. Afterwards... He seemed to...hate me. And he was always angry. Perhaps because I wouldn't try the things he wanted me to.'

'Like what?' prompted Galen.

'For some reason he became convinced I'd be able to shape-change. I never tried. I've never fancied the idea.'

'Me neither,' said Eddy with feeling. 'It's unnatural.'

'And what I do isn't?' said Zax curiously.

'That's different. It is,' insisted Eddy, as the others hooted with laughter.

'He's right though,' said Rhian. 'Everything seems natural when you do it.'

Zax blew her a kiss. 'I love your double standard.'

'And we love you, what's that got to do with anything,' she retorted.

'Did you work with your dad after your mother died?' asked Eddy, doggedly returning Zax to the past.

'I never had the chance. After she died he didn't give any more shows. He seemed ill. And he'd go off alone for days at a time. I had to work the walkways then, to earn money for food and a bed. The last time he came back it was with the Regulators. He'd sold me to them.' Open vulnerability on his face, Zax looked down. 

Galen's glare stopped anyone from asking more questions. He continued to caress Zax's hair in slow, rhythmical movements, no longer wondering why Zax sounded so distanced from his memories. It was a skill most Names had to learn.

'After I got away,' said Zax abruptly, his voice hard and bright, 'I kept myself alive by doing street shows. That's where I learnt my trade. It always seemed ironic that my father should end up doing what my mother had wanted all along.'

'What happened to her?' asked Galen gently.

'I've no idea. He never talked about her and I stopped asking because it made him so angry.' Zax visibly shook himself free of the memories. 'This isn't helping and I've got to see that bloody kid in under twelve hours. What am I supposed to do with him?'

'Help him,' said Anike, as if it was obvious.

'And you can,' said Eddy. 'You just 'aven't been applying yourself. You've got complacent since we got here. I blame Galen.'

'Oh yes, do let's,' said Zax dryly.

'I was serious. Well, partly. When times were hard and you were learning how to make a living, how did you set about it?'

'I just... did it.'

'Bollocks. Look, you have to concentrate when you want to create light, don't you?'

'What do you think?'

'I don't have to, it's you that's going to be helping Sax. So you concentrate, is that the secret?'

'Of course I have to concentrate.'

'Well, there are you then. All you've got to do is train the kid to concentrate on what he wants to do.'

'It's not that easy.'

'At least Eddy's trying to be constructive,' said Monica. 'You're not taking this seriously.'

'You're wrong,' said Zax, with something like desperation in his quiet voice, 'it's because I _am_ taking this seriously that I'm so scared.'

'You need to trust yourself as much as we trust you. Galen, take him off to bed and give him something else to think about,' commanded Monica briskly.

'That would be nice,' said Zax.

Only when Galen saw the expression in his eyes did he realise that Zax wasn't at all detached from his memories.

 

'I'm not ready for him,' said Zax, when Galen told him Sax had arrived.

'You never will be so get it over with. Do you want me to stay?'

Zax looked around his dressing room as if seeking inspiration - or an escape route. 'No,' he sighed, finding neither. 'I'll go out to him. Maybe I should take him up to the Exterior.'

'D'you want him to have hysterics? You know what most people think of the outside.'

'Rather him than me,' said Zax with truth.

More sympathetic than he appeared, Galen rubbed the small of Zax's back before giving him a kiss. 'He'll adapt. So will you.'

Zax's woebegone expression begged to differ as he headed for the door. 'I'll see you later.'

Galen didn't know who he felt sorriest for, Zax, or his pupil.

 

'You're early.' Zax gestured for Sax to come in before relocking the stage door.

'Better than bein' late.' Sax surreptitiously wiped a damp palm down his trouser leg. 'I've bin told yer goin' to give me lessons after all.'

'I haven't seen you around for a while. I wondered if you'd given up on the idea.'

'Could you?' said Sax with disbelief.

'No,' admitted Zax, experiencing unwanted empathy with his pupil. 'What have you been doing?'

'Stayin' alive. You've forgotten wot it's like scratchin' for a livin'.' Sax gave his mentor an impatient look. 'Wot we goin' to be doin' today?'

A hunted expression on his face, Zax gestured for Sax to follow him down the corridor. 'You'd better have a look round backstage,' he said, unable to think what to do with the boy.

'Sightseein'? You're supposed to be teachin' me.'

Zax counted silently to three and drew a cigarette from the air. He had the feeling he was going to be smoking more than usual this afternoon. 'Later. When I know you better.' When he noticed what was holding Sax's attention, he added: 'If you want some units, help yourself.'

Taken aback, Sax gave him a sideways glance. 'Wot makes you fink I wouldn't 'ave?'

'Nothing,' admitted Zax.

'Wot makes you fink I thieve?' Sax was indignant at the slur on his integrity.

'Experience.'

Sax glared up at him. 'Wot you goin' to do about it if I 'ave?'

'Show you the door. While you're working with me you don't have to steal. You've got one minute to break yourself of the habit. I'll see to it that you don't starve.'

Failing to outstare Zax, Sax fidgeted, scowled and after a serpentine wriggle produced a small drawstring bag bulging with tokens, together with a handful of costume jewellery.

'Not bad going considering you've only been here five minutes. When the building collapses around our ears I'll know who stole the nuts and bolts. Is that the lot?'

Sax debated lying but he could not be sure that uncanny stare had not spotted him at it. Besides, he wouldn't put it past the miserable bugger to search him and Zax was blocking the exit. He sullenly produced a larger bag.

Zax tossed it lightly between his hands. 'Have you eaten?'

Confused by the air of approachability after perma-frost, Sax shook his head.

'Neither have I.' Zax tossed the bag back to him, noting the co-ordination which enabled Sax to catch it without fumbling. 'You can look around here later. Do you have somewhere to sleep tonight?'

Wary at this personal line of questioning, Sax scowled. 'Findin' somewhere won't be a problem with wot you gave me.'

'Good.' Zax led the way into the Maze, 'Choose somewhere with running water, you stink. Buy some clean clothes, preferably ones that fit.'

'I came here for lessons, not a lecture.'

'You've already learnt you don't steal while you're working with me,' said Zax mildly, returning the greetings of stallholders before he entered a food house experience had taught him could be relied upon not to give its customers food-poisoning.

'That's not wot I'm 'ere for.'

'Second lesson coming up.' Zax choose a table at the rear and sat with his back to the wall. 'We work at my pace and inclination, not yours. Stop sulking and order what you want.'

Despite the heady smells wafting around him, Sax ordered plain rice, the cheapest item scrawled on the large board.

Zax remembered just in time to produce a cigarette under the table and fumbled for a match. Failing to find one, he added the cost of a strip to their bill and changed the order to small bowls of everything on offer.

Sax stared at him in consternation, 'Wot d'you want to go wastin' money like that for?' he whispered furiously. ''Ave you seen these prices?'

Zax silently counted to seven. 'They're justified because the food's good and the cook has a delicate hand with spices. Anyway, I'm paying, all you have to do is eat.'

'You won't add this to the price of the lessons?'

'Lesson number three, I don't lie. Number four, I don't enjoying repeating myself. I'll humour you today, but I expect you to remember what you're told.'

Sax sat in a resentful silence. His attention wandered to their fellow diners, picking out the richest marks and easiest pickings. Even here the proprietor had not been stupid enough to leave forks or chopsticks on the tables, but those he could see were of good quality. He could get a decent price for stuff like that.

'Don't even think of stealing anything,' warned Zax.

'You're a load of laughs. Don't do this, don't do that. It's magic I'm here to learn - '

'I'm not deaf and I've no wish to broadcast my identity to half the Maze,' said Zax in a furious whisper, pausing while bowls of food were set out between them. Noticing Sax's involuntary move, he added: 'Take what you want and listen while you eat.'

Sax hunched over the food as if to ward off possible rivals.

'It's time you understood one thing straight away, and it isn't open to debate, so don't bother arguing. You won't be learning any _magic,_ for a long time. I need to know a lot more about you first, as you need to understand me.'

'Wot you got in mind?' Sax's darkest suspicions were muffled by the size of the mouthful he had taken.

Zax averted his gaze. 'Talking.'

'Talkin'!' Food sprayed across the table.

Zax eyed his splattered bowl with distaste, pushed it away and lit a cigarette from the butt of the first. 'About the things that interest you.'

'Magic interests me.' This time Sax remembered to keep his voice down.

'We'll get round to that eventually but until I have some idea of how your mind works I won't know how to help you. Do you understand?'

Not prepared to admit otherwise, Sax gestured to the remaining food. 'Ain't you goin' to 'ave any?'

'You have it.'

Within a short space of time the last bowl was as clean as its fellows. Sax wiped his greasy mouth with the back of his hand, belched and sat back.

'This talkin' we're goin' to be doin'. Do I get to ask you fings?'

'You may certainly ask.'

Sax's eyes narrowed. 'You sayin' you might not answer them?'

'That depends what you want to know.'

'I'm buggered if I understand you,' admitted Sax with rare frankness. 'I don't suppose that makes any difference though.'

'None at all. See, you are learning, if not what you want to,' Zax anticipated, as Sax opened his mouth. 'Have you had enough to eat?'

'I'll say. I 'aven't bin so stuffed since the time I found this dead - '

'Then we'll go back to the theatre,' said Zax, interrupting what was undoubtedly an unsavoury reminiscence. He got to his feet and studied the table for a moment, then his companion.

Sax muttered under his breath and restored the fork, which had been nestling in his sleeve. Zax nodded and fumbled in his pockets for some units. He found two screws and some dried pomelo peel and looked up to find Sax glaring at him.

'You said you was payin'.'

'I will, when I get back to the theatre. I forgot to pick up any units.'

''Ow the 'ell could anyone forget? Never mind,' said Sax with disgust. It wasn't as if he'd any trouble collecting the cost from someone this dozy about money. 'I'll pay, this once. Mind, I'll want it back.'

Zax nodded meekly and wondered how he was going to survive the rest of the session.

 

'You didn't say how you got on with Sax this afternoon,' said Galen into the darkness.

Zax groaned. 'Don't ask.'

'It wasn't that bad then,' pursued Galen, who was in a chatty mood. 'I told you it wouldn't be.'

'Bad?' Zax propped himself up on one arm the better to give vent to his feelings. 'That argumentative little bastard walked off with one of my throwing knives.'

'You can get it back tomorrow.'

'If he hasn't bartered it by then.' Zax lit the room with a snap of his fingers.

'You have others.'

'That isn't the point. He steals everything that isn't nailed down. I've already had to return stuff to two of the stallholders.'

'How did they take it?'

'Nearly passed out with shock. But they promised to come to me if he does it again, rather than take it out on his skin. He's a walking question mark. I'm not cut out for this.'

'You'll survive,' said Galen, more reassured with each passing complaint.

'I am not in the mood for jokes,' said Zax, ennunciating each word clearly, so there could be no misunderstanding.

The corners of Galen's eyes creased with amusement.

'He expects me to snap my fingers and sort out everything. I don't even know where to start. I was trying to get him to try a simple concentration technique, to focus his mind, and when I turned around he'd used up a week's supply of my make-up on himself. The cocky little shit seems to think he'll have cracked all there is to know in a couple of weeks, and that he'll be taking over from me the week after that.' Zax paused only to take breath.

'And will he?'

Zax bit Galen on the ear lobe, harder than necessary.

Warmed during the ensuing tussle, Galen grinned down at his spread-eagled captive. 'Give in?'

'Go play with yourself.' Zax gathered his strength.

'I'd rather play with you.'

'I'm too tired.'

Galen nuzzled an upthrust nipple, grazing it with his teeth. 'Has Sax stolen your libido along with everything else?'

'It's late,' protested Zax, but without conviction.

'You're right. Best not to overdo things at your age.' Releasing him, Galen settled down, drew up the covers and closed his eyes.

It was a moment before an outraged Zax thought to react.

 

'Too old, eh?' Zax subsided onto his side of the bed, tossing away the damp cloth and towel with which he had cleaned them both.

'I was worried about you.'

Zax's head turned on the pillow. 'You wouldn't recognise the truth if you fell over it. Is your back hurting?' he added in a different tone.

Galen raised their linked hands and kissed Zax's knuckles. 'No. That's the truth,' he anticipated. He snuggled closer, edging them across the bed.

'What's wrong with your side?'

'There's a damp patch.'

'I don't see how it can be that big.'

'Fading memory, too,' mourned Galen.

'Go to sleep. Alternatively, let me go to sleep while you worry what I do with Sax tomorrow.'

'Why don't you stop thinking about him and concentrate on what you'll do to me instead?'

'You haven't got the energy,' said Zax with conviction. 

'I know, but it made you wonder, didn't it.'

Zax buried his face in the hollow where Galen's neck and shoulder met. 'Go to sleep,' he groaned, before he added: 'You know, I think Eddy was on the right track. If I can get Sax to focus for long enough to...'

An hour later a very sleepy Galen was regretting that he had ever disturbed the still talking Zax.


	28. Chapter 28

TWENTY EIGHT

 

Galen made time to keep an eye on Zax's progress with his unwanted apprentice. He was unsurprised to see that Zax was really trying; he gave up several hours each day without further complaint and was displaying a surprising degree of patience. Oblivious to his good fortune, Sax rarely showed up on time, his truculent manner endearing him to no one. With no wish to increase Zax's doubts about his abilities as a mentor, Galen positioned himself at the stage door, where he could be sure of intercepting Sax on his way out.

'What's up?' he asked, noticing the slump of Sax's shoulders.

'Oh, it's you,' said Sax without enthusiasm. 'Nuffink.'

'Try again.' Galen propped his shoulders against the door, blocking the exit.

'I've put up with a lot from 'im but I ain't goin' up on the Exterior and 'e can't make me. Me and mum had to try it once. Never again.'

'Have you been in China long?'

'Long enough. The livin's easy in this Division. Not like out on the fringes. Bob was sayin' you 'elped organise some of the camps. That must take a bit of doin'.'

'I had a lot of help. About your mother...'

A trace of panic crossed Sax's face. 'Whatever she's done, she's on her own. She attracts trouble the same way a dog turd attracts flies and I've 'ad enough of it.'

'What kind of trouble?' Galen wanted advance warning if a battle-axe was going to descend on the theatre, demanding the return of her son.

'You name it. She's got funny ideas about 'ow to make a livin' and I ain't trying any of them. Wot's it to do with you anyway?' Sax demanded, aggressive when he realised how much he had let slip.

Galen shrugged. 'I was just making conversation. You're going to be around for a while, it makes sense for us to get to know one another.'

'Save yourself the bother. I ain't staying much longer.'

'You'd be a fool to give up so soon. You've got potential.'

'Did Zax say that?' 

'Not exactly.' admitted Galen, unable to meet the eager eyes.

'I thought not.' Sax sounded philosophical rather than disheartened. 'I dunno what 'e expects. It's all don't do this, don't do that. It ain't wot I hoped for, I tell you straight. Him neither.'

'In what way?' asked Galen, as if he hadn't been listening to Zax's frustrated muttering for the last two weeks.

'Do I look stupid? I know 'e's fuckin' you, which makes you his. If I want him to know I'll tell 'im to his face.' 

Galen's expression relaxed as he began to understand. 'You can't own someone.' 

'Where you bin livin' all these years?' said Sax with scorn.

Galen chose to take the question at face value. 'I've travelled a fair bit. Sectors H, J and K, the Island, China.'

'A bit! Maybe I got you wrong, about some fings.'

'Jumping to conclusions too fast can be dangerous.'

'It can kill you if you take too long.'

'Not a problem here. Zax would never hurt you - and he's certainly never going to want to fuck a child,' said Galen, blunt because it needed to be said.

Sax gave a sniff of disdain. 'I already worked that much out for myself. Are you sayin' I should give 'im more time?'

'Only a fool would give up this soon, unless it's too much for you?'

'How can it be, 'e never lets me try anyfink. Poncin' around, jugglin' a couple of hoops... Wots that supposed to teach me?' said Sax with disgust.

'You had no trouble juggling?'

'I didn't say that exactly.'

'Has it occurred to you that it's a good way to test someone's co-ordination and dexterity, their willingness to listen, their ability to learn, and their power to concentrate?'

Sax pulled a face as he conceded the point. 'I'll give you that one. But I don't want to spend my life on stage.'

His goodwill on its last legs, Galen took a patient breath and reminded himself to be more sympathetic next Zax complained. 'Like Zax, you mean?'

'Nah. You don't get many like 'im to the pound.' It was almost a compliment.

'Say I came to you, wanting to learn to pick pockets. Would you send me straight into the Market?'

''Course I wouldn't. You'd be caught first time. You're prob'ly too old, but I'd start you off easy - Oh. Is that what Zax is doin' with me?'

'You've got all the answers, you work it out. Ken Lo's round the corner does great pasta. You coming?'

''Ave you got money on you?' asked Sax, having been caught out by an impecunious Zax twice in seven days.

Galen provided proof of his solvent state. During their meal he discovered Sax had strong opinions about everything and a boundless curiosity about anything mechanical. 

'I can't help thinking it's a pity,' mused Galen, as he paid for the meal.

'Wot is?'

'What,' corrected Galen.

'I've 'ad enough of 'im goin' on about 'ow I talk without you startin'.'

'Many who use the common tongue aren't fluent. If you use the basic form of common speech it makes it easier to communicate. It could save your life one day.'

'I 'adn't thought of it like that. He did say somefink - something - like that. Wot's a pity?'

That you're too scared to see what the Exterior has to offer.'

'I 'aven't said I won't, in so many words. 'E - He - expects too much.'

'You told him you wanted to learn, he believed you. That's the only reason he agreed to give up his free time to teach you. He prefers to be overground, doing his own work. He invents things. It's a pity you won't see the tools he constructed. He made an automaton on the Island.'

'Automaton,' breathed Sax with near reverence. 'Did it work?'

'Of course it did. He has a workshop on the Exterior. But between the hours he spends with you and the theatre he hasn't had time for anything else for the last two weeks.' Galen was proud of the heart-rending picture of devotion he had created, although he didn't expect it to dent Sax's healthy ego. 'There's nothing to be afraid of on the Exterior.'

'I ain't afraid,' said Sax, outraged.

'Good. Then I'll see you up at the house tomorrow afternoon.' Galen clapped him on the shoulder, before walking away.

'But I never said... Bloody 'ell,' moaned Sax to himself.

 

'Stop fussing,' soothed Bob with placid good humour. 'We've already said we'll help make the kid feel at home.'

'Just make sure you're here.' After checking a conjuring troupe working on the fringe, Zax was not at his best. 'I need eyes in my backside with him.'

'Give the kid a break,' said Eddy. 'Isn't it time you collected him?'

'Shit, yes.' Looking harassed, Zax disappeared without ceremony.

'Poor bugger,' said Eddy.

'Sax can look after himself,' said Bob, who had lost a number of possessions at the theatre.

'I was thinking of Zax.'

 

While obviously ill-at-ease, Sax made no protest when they approached the exit to the Maze. More sympathetic than he appeared, Zax maintained an undemanding monologue as he strolled out onto the Exterior, talking it for granted Sax would be behind him. As they emerged into the mellow light and spectacular colours of autumn Sax took a cautious sniff, starting when something he could not see ruffled his hair. Zax gave no indication he had noticed, but paused to point out various landmarks. 

'The weather will be getting cooler and wetter soon. You'll need warmer clothing on the Exterior than in the Maze. And something waterproof, if you can find it. Help yourself to extra units to pay for it. Ah, the wind's getting up,' said Zax, raising his face to it as his hair began move.

'Is it dangerous?'

'Storms can be. But then so can the Maze. You just have to study your surroundings. Learn how to protect yourself. Nothing you don't do already. Look over there,' he pointed across the shining ribbon of the river, the water too ruffled to reflect the velvety green mountains thrusting up from its edge.

'Wot - what - am I lookin' at?' demanded Sax, shivering from the chilly air as much as from nerves.

'You don't think that's beautiful?'

'A box of units is more to my taste.'

'No surprise there.' Zax tossed Sax his own jacket. 'Here, I'm warm enough. Follow me.'

As promised, the troupe were waiting for them. They gathered up Sax and took him on a detailed tour of inspection. He did his best to avoid Anike and Taruna, wary of being fussed over until he knew what they expected in return.

Zax headed for a reviving cup of coffee in the kitchen, which was where Galen found him. 

'All right?' he asked, sitting opposite Zax.

'No problem, despite his nerves. He's got guts. But it didn't take him long to decide he can take or leave fresh air.' Zax had the manner of one quoting.

'We can't expect everyone to love life up here. Not that he's given it much of a chance.'

'Very quick to make up his mind, is Sax. He resents the fuck out of me. I can't say I blame him. So would I, if our positions were reversed. Whatever angle I try I don't seem to be able to get through to him. I'm worried in case he loses his temper - he could hurt himself.'

'And you,' said Galen, tensing.

'I'm shielded. We all are. Sax is a loose canon. I won't see anyone put at risk.'

'It's early days yet.'

That platitude about as soothing as salt on a cut, Zax looked up, his expression inimical.

'Sorry,' said Galen immediately.

'No, you're right,' sighed Zax, relaxing. 'Feeling inadequate makes me irritable. You can stop looking po-faced, I'd laugh myself if it wasn't so frustrating. I haven't even managed to stop him stealing. Though from the noise I heard, can I take it he won't be after the goats again?'

'Not while they're still alive. It didn't help when he bumped into your fence. You forgot to mark the boundaries again.'

Zax groaned. 'Hide me from Anike.'

'No need, because we can see the fence now. It's blue.'

It was a moment before what he was being told sank in, Zax's chair scraping across the floor as he ran to the window. 'I told him never to try... I'll kill him,' he said with conviction.

'Everyone's fine, even the goats, and he's very pleased with himself.'

'He won't be by the time I'm finished with him. He gave me his _word_.'

'Let it go this once,' said Galen quietly, coming up behind him to hold Zax lightly at the hips. 'No harm was done. I swear it wasn't premeditated, just a temptation he couldn't resist.'

'All the more reason for him not to take risks,' said Zax nervily.'This isn't a game. He could have killed someone.'

'He's young, eager and desperate to prove himself to you. Can't you remember what it felt like the first time you turned the mundane into the extraordinary? You're getting worry lines.'

'If I can't trust him to keep his word, how can I possibly help him? He has no respect for me, or what I am. I spent all yesterday explaining the mechanics of putting together a show. The only question he asked was why didn't I fix the air pump, followed by a lecture on what he thinks is wrong with the filter system. He might be right about that, incidentally.'

'You think a kid of thirteen can succeed where you and I have failed? Have you thought about turning him loose on the technical side - though not with the air pump, I've only just got that working again. Speak of the devil,' Galen added, as they heard the sound of voices coming into the house.

'I warned them it was a mistake to show him around.'

'Why?'

'How many things of yours has he pinched in the last two weeks?'

'I got most of them back.'

'Let me know what's still missing. I swear I've got more grey hair... ' Zax gave a weighty sigh. 'You might have something though, it's usually tools or materials that he steals.' 

The sounds of outrage grew louder. Zax looked resigned, but went to deal with it.

 

His cheeks hollowing as he struggled not to laugh in the boy's face, Zax eyed the haul Sax had accumulated during his tour around the house. 'I thought we'd established that you don't steal.'

'This stuff ain't yours,' protested Sax, virtue shining from him.

'You not supposed to steal from anyone. And you know it.'

'Look at my synthesiser!' said Eddy in tragic tones. 'How he managed to do this much damage in ten minutes I'll never know. It'll take me days to get it working again.'

'I'll put it back together for you,' said Sax eagerly. 'It won't take above half an hour, honest. Gimme another couple of hours an' I could save you needin' to recharge it so often. It's not complicated.'

Speechless, Eddy looked from Sax to Zax, his eyes widening when Zax gave an infinitesimal nod.

'I should have thought of this earlier,' said Zax. 'I'll talk to you later, Eddy.'

'It'll be your head on a plate if it doesn't work.'

'On a plate,' agreed Zax.

'A new synthesiser would suit me better. Not that I had anything against this one,' said Eddy bitterly, before he ambled out of the room, floating a punch at Zax's head en route.

'I didn't fink - think - he'd take on so.' Sax glanced at Zax. 'He won't hurt...? You'll be all right?'

'Of course.' It took Zax a moment to catch on. 'Eddy was joking, not threatening me. We make stupid jokes like that a lot. You need to learn to read sub-text. He's the gentlest, kindest person you could hope to meet. He would never hurt you. No one here will. All right?'

'But he just tried to hit you.'

'He gets heated about his music but that mock-punch was just... affection,' said Zax, pity twisting in him. 'Eddy likes to touch the people he loves. Not just for sex. Watch him with Bob and Anike, me, Galen. He touches our shoulders, strokes our sides, kisses us, slaps my backside. Not so much with Galen because, like you, Galen wasn't used to it until he met us. Though he's adapting splendidly,' he added with a private smile.

'Oh. I wish I'd known earlier,' said Sax, looking pensive.

'What have you done?' Zax asked with resignation.

'Nothing, 'cos Galen stopped me. Only I thought Bob...'

'I can imagine. I should have thought to explain before now. While we're on the subject, don't reject affection from the women,' said Zax, feeling his way with care.

'You mean let them fuck me?'

Zax eyed the unprepossessing specimen of manhood in front of him. 'That's the exact opposite of what they want to do. They just want to...offer comfort and affection. Nothing sexual whatsoever. So no inappropriate touching.'

'I wouldn't!' said Sax indignantly. 'I never even thought of it. They've been on at me to 'ave a bath.'

'It couldn't hurt.'

Sax had a thoughtful scratch. 'I'll think about it. You don't have to worry about this synthesiser, you know. I really can fix it.' He reached for a small probe.

'Yes, I think you can. I hear you made some alterations to my fence. I thought we had an agreement.'

Sax looked up with obvious reluctance. 'I know but it was beggin' me to... I _knew_ wot needed to be done and how, you know? It went smooth as silk. Nuffink to it,' he added with dreamy satisfaction.

'You gave me your word and like a fool I believed you. I'll know better now, won't I.'

A rare colour flooded Sax's thin face.

'If you'd got it wrong you could have killed everyone who was with you,' continued Zax.

'They didn't mind,' yelled Sax.

'They weren't given a choice. Or do you intend to inflict your power on people whenever the fancy takes you?' Zax's voice flicked like a whip.

'Nuffink went wrong!'

'Then there's no reason for me to waste any more time on you, since you obviously know it all.' Zax pushed back his chair and got to his feet.

Sax's head shot up, his eyes wide. 'You're gettin' rid of me?' 

Furious as he was, even Zax caught the hint of panic. 'Why not? Your sworn word is without worth, you ignore my advice and warnings, and you come into our home and steal from us. I can't help you.'

'Won't, you mean,' muttered Sax, humiliatingly close to tears.

'What?' said Zax blankly. 'You can't possibly believe that I...' He sank back onto the chair. 'Look, I'm sorry I lost my temper just now but this has been the problem, hasn't it? You think I made that embargo because I'm afraid you might be better than me.'

Sax shrugged but did not look up.

'You're my first pupil and I'm not a teacher. In fact I'm not particularly good with people at all.' 

'You read an audience all right,' Sax said gruffly.

'It's what I'm trained for, what I do best. But trying to help a stranger develop their potential is new to me, so you'll need to help me out. And make some allowances when I get it wrong. If you agree to carry on seeing me, of course. Why haven't you ever asked any of the important questions? And if you exert much more pressure you'll break the tip of that probe, though I suppose between the two of us we could always make another. You're hungry to learn, I understand that. What use do you want to make use of that knowledge, do you know?'

'I wouldn't mind creatin' things.' Sax waited for the scorn with which his mother had always greeted that ambition.

'Why?'

'It feels...right.' Sax's scowl dared anyone to comment on his burst of sentimentality.

'If you've learnt that we're halfway there,' said Zax, relaxing back in his chair. 'You're not interested in being an entertainer?'

'No way.'

'Then we can forget about that and concentrate on other things. Not today. I've got a show tonight and I need to catch up on some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon.'

'You don't want me to watch the show?'

'You just said you weren't interested.'

'Not in doin' it, but I got nothing against watchin' you. I'll even pay, if you like,' conceded Sax handsomely.

'No need to go to those lengths,' said Zax, surprised by how flattered he felt.

Oblivious to the note of irony, Sax picked up the probe again. 'I may as well get on with this till then, stop Eddy worryin'. Can I borrow your tools, the ones you made, I mean?'

'No. How did you know about them?'

'Galen mentioned them yesterday.'

'Oh, did he? I suppose he mentioned that I kept them up here?'

'That's right,' said Sax, innocently burying Galen deeper in the mire. 'I thought I'd get a chance to see them.'

Zax wondered in what other ways Galen might have eased his path. 'Tomorrow,' he promised, getting to his feet. 'Has it been worth the trip?' He gestured around.

'It ain't bad,' Sax allowed. 'It makes a change to have a bit of peace and quiet. I wouldn't want too much of it though.'

'I'll bear that in mind,' Zax promised.

'I never set out to break my word,' Sax said gruffly. 'I just... I didn't mean to.'

'I know it's tempting. But from now on, don't try anything unless I'm there. Promise me.'

Sax stared at him. 'Wot makes you think you can trust me?'

Zax shrugged. 'If you give me your word now, I believe you'll keep it. Galen knows where I keep my tools. See if you can persuade him to show them to you while I have a nap.'

 

'In case you were wondering, you got your revenge,' said Galen, as he came out of the bathroom, drying his hair.

'I always do,' said Zax, giving him a quick kiss.

'That kid's a walking question mark.'

'I seem to remember mentioning that once or twice in the last few weeks.'

'Sod,' said Galen with feeling. 'Maybe I wasn't as sympathetic as I might have been. I'm contrite now.'

'Are you indeed? I'll have to make the most of that.'

'All mouth and trousers, you are. Did the show go all right?'

'Bob and the girls were fantastic, I was only so so,' said Zax, investigating Galen's possibilities. 

'I haven't got the energy,' groaned Galen.

'Is it your back?'

'No, the goats knocked me down. I ache all over,' said Galen, aiming for pathos.

'You always overplay,' said Zax, dashing his hopes. 'If you want a massage just say so.'

Galen made himself comfortable on the bed while Zax warmed some oil in his cupped hand.

'Did Sax get back to the Interior, all right?' asked Zax.

'I went with him, bought him a meal. Despite all the moving around, he's picked up a lot. And he's bright. But it's obvious he's not used to anyone encouraging him.'

'Is that a hint?' said Zax, his thumbs digging deep in the tight muscles below Galen's neck.

'No, he's very protective of you. As if you're a slightly dim older brother.'

'Thanks.'

'Seeing Sax up here made me realise that in the not too distant future people are going to move onto the Exterior. We need to think about a terminal giving access to the Controller and record tapes. Would you consider helping me to link up a terminal with the Controller? It could take a while.'

'There's more to life than computers, you know.'

'There is?' Galen waggled his eyebrows.

He made little effort to fend off Zax, the tussle no more than their own brand of foreplay, their bodies easy together in the ways of giving and taking pleasure. The heady scent of juniper rose from warm skin, their bodies twining together, then parting, before rejoining in a new configuration until desire over-ran playfulness.

'Can a computer do that?' asked Zax, before giving Galen's now limp prick a parting lick.

'I could have fun finding out. These sheets must be covered in oil.'

'And I much prefer the unadulterated taste of you. I'll get some that unscented. Still, it got rid of all the kinks, didn't it.'

'I was going to give you the credit for that. Shift round, it's getting chilly.'

 

Despite the worsening weather, which ripped the leaves from trees and caused havoc in the garden, Sax became a regular visitor to the house. He proved to be far quicker at picking up on the sub-text in the social interaction than on anything Zax was trying to teach him. But he had yet to get to grips with the concept of privacy and still rummaged through peoples' rooms, or Zax's workshed. One morning Eddy caught him at it.

'Will you look at that,' breathed Eddy, love in his voice when he saw what Sax had uncovered.

'That engine's half the size of... Who made this?' Galen asked Sax.

'Zax, I suppose. I found her while I was in the work shed. She was hidden under a cover. I just got her goin'. You didn't know about her?'

'No one did,' said Zax, as he came to join them, an odd expression on his face. 'It was going to be a surprise.'

The others were too enamoured to pick up on subtleties but Galen went over and hugged him. 'It's...superb. Astonishing. Smaller hull and engine, larger interior, quieter. Uses less power?'

'Uses less to produce more. She should have a range of a thousand miles before she needs recharging.'

'I could tell you've done something spectacular to the engine from the expression on Galen's face,' said Eddy.

'I can't begin to tell you how spectacular,' said Galen. 'I had no idea you could construct something this complex just with your hands.'

Zax gave a shrug that was absurdly reminiscent of Sax. ' I used to make automaton. The principles aren't so different.'

'The hell they aren't.' Galen kissed him hard on the mouth. 'I know Sax spoilt the surprise,' he said in a low voice, 'but how did you find the time? Tell me tonight, in bed.'

'I'm expecting something more interesting to happen in bed,' Zax said, before he grimaced. 'I feel like a kid who's just had their present taken away before they got a chance to unwrap it.'

'The Controller will want to see the blueprints for this.'

Zax nodded. 'It shouldn't be a problem adapting her for use in the Maze. But I haven't got a clue how to prepare a blueprint. Will you help me?'

'It will be an honour,' said Galen seriously.

Zax looked self-conscious and studied his feet, his face a little pinker than it had been.

Galen tucked an arm around him, then listened to Sax talking to Eddy and Bob. After a while, he looked up to see that Zax had heard what he had heard.

'I think we need to see the Controller about him,' said Galen in a low voice.

'It might be better if you go with him. You'll explain better than I can, and I've got a show to give in an hour. I'll be checking out a group in Division M afterwards, so I'll be late.'

'So much for our plans,' said Galen ruefully.

'I'll hurry,' said Zax. 'Eddy, do you want to come with me?' 

'Don't do too much. It's one hell of a journey to Division M,' said Galen.

'One day you'll remember that it isn't the distance but the transfer that saps the energy.'

'Transfer?' said Sax, giving the air car a final caress.

'Like that,' said Galen, as Zax and Eddy vanished.

Sax's mouth dropped open. 'Where's he gone?'

'To the theatre?'

'But he just vanished.'

'I know, not a bad trick, is it,' said Galen with pride.

'I wanna do that,' said Sax with conviction.

'You and me both. But you've got a chance of managing it one day.'

'Bet on it,' said Sax with determination.

'Don't start plaguing Zax about this,' said Galen. 'Take things at the pace he suggests, he knows what he's talking about.'

Sax gave him a dismissive glance and wandered off, even the air car forgotten for now. 

 

Sax arrived with the dawn the next day, managing to wake most of the sleepers in the process. His enthusiasm was undimmed by the time Zax, looking rumpled and tired, finally appeared.

Sax abandoned Eddy without a backward glance. 'That transfer business is really somefink. I wanna do that. Teach me.'

'I will, I will,' said Zax rashly, fumbling bleary-eyed with the coffee pot.

'When?'

'When I think you're ready for it.' Zax's voice was mild considering the provocation.

'I'm ready now,' insisted Sax, too intent on his own needs to see the warning signs.

Eddy, who had been keeping a watchful eye on the pair of them, used the advantage of surprise to hustle Sax out of the kitchen before Zax had done more than spin around.

'Wot d'you do that for?' demanded Sax, freeing himself with ease.

'I don't want to listen to you whining about what you need, and Zax certainly doesn't. Particularly not when he's only had four hours sleep and got up just to help you out.'

'I don't whine.'

'I don't know what else you could call it.'

'You don't understand! I want - '

'I don't give a toss what you want. You're an arrogant, self-centred little git. How dare you interfere with his work the way you did yesterday! Don't even think of making excuses. He didn't say anything because... You need to start thinking about other people. You carry on like this and the only transfer you'll be making is out of Zax's life. And right now, none of us would miss you. Clear?'

Sax gave a sulky nod, radiating resentment at being so misunderstood.

'Then trot off to the practice room and wait for him there. You must have something you can be getting on with.'

'Like wot? He 'asn't taught me nuffink.'

'Not for want of trying. You don't listen, that's your trouble.'

'It's none of your business wot I do,' shouted Sax.

'This is Eddy's home,' said Zax from the doorway. 'That makes anything that goes on here, and anyone who visits here, his business. Thanks,' he added, his accompanying smile telling Eddy for what he was being thanked.

'Glad to leave you to it, mate.' Eddy wandered away, humming a new song he was composing.

'I know you're bored with the relaxation techniques so there's something else I thought we could try,' said Zax.

'I'm goin' to transfer?' said Sax eagerly, following Zax back into the kitchen.

'Perhaps, when you've mastered a few of the basic skills. Try too soon and you could scatter yourself from here to the Island.'

'It didn't look so dangerous.' Even Sax hesitated to call Zax a liar to his face.

'Which is why it's so dangerous. You regard yourself as being skilled with a knife as I recall. Can you do this?' Zax took six clumsily constructed kitchen knives from the drawer and began to juggle. The heavy hafts and sharp blades twirled in a controlled blur of motion Sax knew was beyond him to duplicate.

'That's not magic, that's just practisin'.'

'Quite,' said Zax. 'This, however, _is_ magic. Don't move.'

Before Sax could think to disobey the blades lined up in a neat semi-circle before thunking in the floor around Zax's now kneeling figure.

'You want your 'ead read,' gasped Sax. 'If you'd cocked that up you'd have a knife in your guts.'

'I wondered if you'd realise that. Do you want to try?'

'Not likely. I could kill meself.'

Zax set down the knives, his gaze never leaving Sax.

'Oh.' Sax shifted his weight from one foot to the other. 'You're saying that's why I can't transfer meself yet?'

'That's exactly what I'm saying. Let's go into the practice room before anyone notices the holes I've made in the floor.'

'But you can do what you want.'

Zax paused. 'Not when you live with other people you can't. Not in this house. Not in the Maze. Like it or not, life is a series of compromises. In you come.'

'What are you doing here?' Zax asked Galen upon finding him already in the practice room.

'Wondering why there's a bundle of twigs in the middle of the floor.'

'They're for Sax. He's going to try and light a fire without matches.'

'Yeah?' Distracted from his obsession with transference, Sax fell silent.

'Wouldn't you be safer outside?' asked Galen. 'This being a wooden house.'

'Possibly, but there are too many distractions. He has to learn to concentrate.'

'I will,' Sax assured Zax, desperate to prove himself.

'Can I stay and watch?' asked Galen.

''Course,' said Sax. Brimming with confidence, he wanted to shine in front of the largest possible audience.

'I wasn't asking you,' Galen told him, raising an eyebrow at Zax.

'Haven't you got anything better to do?' asked Zax.

'Any number of things.'

'You'll keep quiet?'

'I won't say a word,' Galen promised, his hand on his heart.

'I'll believe that when it happens. Move back to the wall, I want you out of the way, just in case.'

'Why?' asked Sax, as curious as Galen and under no embargo of silence.

'Because if you manage to concentrate for long enough to set light to those twigs, in your excitement you might lose control of the flames.'

'Oh. I hadn't thought of that,' Sax admitted cheerfully.

'That's what I'm here for.'

'Is that why you're so nervy?' asked Sax, as he sat opposite Zax.

'One of the reasons,' said Zax, less than happy at being so transparent.

'Don't you trust me?' asked Sax with a trace of wistfulness.

'It isn't a question of trust, just the fact you're young, impatient and the possessor of a considerable power. If you must know, I'm nervous because I've dropped my shielding.'

Colour flooded Sax's face. 'But I wouldn't try to - '

'I know you wouldn't, consciously. But the first time you came to my dressing room... In your frustration you blasted Galen across the room. With my shielding down I can guard against mistakes that bit faster.' 

Zax broke off to turn to where Galen sat. 'Maybe you should go after all.'

'I'll be fine. How do you start trying to make a fire?'

'First, Sax has to get comfortable. Get the fidgets out of your system, you won't concentrate otherwise. You should be able to manage the concentration techniques, you've been practising them for a week.'

Sax looked self-conscious.

'That's what I thought,' sighed Zax. 'From now on I want your word that you'll practice them at least thirty minutes every day. More would be better.'

'I've done some,' protested Sax.

'Just promise,' said Zax wearily, having learnt that once his word was given, Sax would at least try to keep it.

'I promise. But it's bloody borin' just sittin' 'ere. And the floor's hard.'

'Poor flower. Would you like a cushion? Then shut up and concentrate.' Cross-legged, his back achingly straight, Zax's direct, challenging gaze held Sax motionless.

'Sorry,' mumbled Sax.

'You will be if you don't work harder,' Zax promised him pleasantly.

Sax gave an urchin grin, wriggled, and stared at the bundle of twigs.

'Good,' murmured Zax, some time later, his voice drifting in and out of the quiet. 'Study them. Then think about how you would normally light a fire. Recreate the action in your mind's eyes... Reach out, centre on the twigs. Think how you would normally light a fire...'

'I'd use matches,' said Sax rebelliously, his left buttock going numb.

Galen failed to disguise his snort of amusement.

'Then use them and stop wasting my time,' said Zax coldly, getting to his feet.

Sax couldn't sustain that unblinking stare for long. 'Sorry,' he muttered, abashed.

'Bollocks. You're not trying.'

'I am. But I can't do it,' Sax cried in frustration.

'How many twigs are there? No, don't look, you would know if you'd been concentrating.' Zax crouched in front of Sax. 'Do you think I don't understand? You're afraid that you won't succeed - or that you will. This isn't a race. You have nothing to prove. Do you want to try again?'

Sax nodded.

'Good. Incidentally, the next smart remark gets you cleaning out the goats,' said Zax pleasantly.

Sax looked aghast. 'You wouldn't.'

'It's my turn to do them tonight. All I need is an excuse,' said Zax, only half-joking.

Sax concentrated so hard he went red in the face. But from then on he was early for every session with Zax.


	29. Chapter 29

TWENTY NINE

For Zax the next few weeks were a blur of activity. He and Galen were busy with the blueprints for the air car, meeting the Controller and various experts, before transporting them to the Division occupied only by automaton and computers. There they worked on adapting his air car for use in the Maze. Each night Zax found at least an hour for Sax before the show, after it, he was busy checking on the other acts springing up all over the Maze. He and Galen had little time together, and Zax had none in which to replenish his reserves of energy.

Caught up in the initial excitement, Sax soaked up everything anyone could teach him, from how to tend the winter crops, to how to prepare and cook fresh food. Patient at first, he stopped complaining about his slow progress with Zax and concentrated on the exercises he was given. He struggled to discipline his mind amidst myriad distractions, his abrasive manner softening as he was absorbed into the life of the troupe. 

He blossomed under Eddy's teasing kindness, Bob's patience with his questions and the affection of Anike and Taruna. Rhian mercilessly ensured he kept clean, while Monica ensured he ate well enough to lose his sharp angles. But keeping his word to Zax, while the possibilities of what he could do teased and licked at the edges of his mind, became harder and harder. Desperate to prove himself, and chafing within the constraints Zax had placed on him, Sax convinced himself that he would master the art of transference. When even mundane exercises eluded him he became more insistent in his demands, begging to accompany Zax on one of his trips so he could experience the sensation of transfer for himself. He was privately convinced that would be enough to teach him the secret.

One evening, drained after a longer than usual show, Zax heard the familiar demand and waved Sax into silence.

'I'm not going anywhere tonight, I'm too tired. But I'll transfer you back to the house with me. You can spend the night, or walk back down.' He made the concession against his better judgment because it required less effort than refusing. 'Ready?'

''Course. What do I 'ave to - '

' - do?' said Sax, his voice shaking as he stared around the practice room. Ecstatic, he turned to Zax.

'You can take that look off your face. It's going to be a long time before you can try that. If you can't focus for long enough to light a spark, how do you imagine you'll - ?'

'Only because you're crap at explainin',' snarled Sax, scarlet with frustration. 'How can I be sure that was you and not some machine, eh? I've had enough of you orderin' me about. If you're so fuckin' marvellous _you_ create fire!'

His patience eroded by too much work, too little sleep, and missing Galen, who had been in the industrial sector for the last eight days, only his too quiet voice gave warning of Zax's state of mind.

'You've had enough, have you? Well, so have I. You want fire, you shall have it.'

'Want a match?' jeered Sax. 

Zax wheeled around, his expression coldly unfamiliar, and flung out a hand. A section of the wall opposite ignited.

Sax backed away, staring aghast at the flames which burnt so fiercely that within seconds they had fed on themselves, leaving a charred hole in the wall. The very air seemed to crackle with energy, his skin prickling with it. When he found the courage to turn around Zax was gone, the doorway crowded with the troupe demanding to know what had happened.

Galen arrived home in time to hear the end of Sax's halting explanation.

'Was he provoked?' Galen asked, abandoning hopes of a bath and food in the immediate future.

'No he bloody well wasn't,' said Sax, still pale with shock.

'Has it occurred to you that Zax would be having more than five - at best - hours sleep a night if he wasn't making time to see you? It doesn't seem likely. You don't seem capable of thinking about anyone but yourself. Are you hurt?' Galen added more kindly.

''Course not. 'E - he - wouldn't.'

'Well, at least you've learnt that much. We'd better patch up that hole before we do anything else.'

Fortunately they had enough wood and with Sax's help the job was quickly finished, although by then they were all cold and wet and Sax was noticeably subdued after a stern lecture from the usually easy-going Eddy.

'Will you find Sax food and a bed for the night?' asked Galen.

'Sure. You should change before you go out, you're soaking,' said Bob.

'I just want to see where Zax has got to. It's cold enough for snow.'

To Galen's relief he spotted a glimmer of light through the work shed window. Fastening the door against the gusting wind, he smiled when he saw Zax, huddled in a greatcoat, perched on a pile of crates, a cigarette in his hand.

'I hear you had an exciting evening,' said Galen, sitting beside him.

His expression morose, Zax nodded as he automatically raised his face to receive Galen's kiss. 'Everything all right at the factory?'

'Fine. Production should start in two weeks if there aren't any more glitches. I'm glad to be home, I've missed you.' Galen shrugged out of his sodden coat, water dripping from his rain-jewelled hair as he moved.

Zax took off his own coat. 'Snuggle up, we can share this. I missed you, too,' he admitted, resting his forehead against Galen's shoulder, one arm tucked around him.

'You're doing too much. We'll have to cut down on the journeys to the fringe to check on acts.'

'It isn't the journeys, it's that argumentative little bastard on my back every day. I lost my temper with him,' confessed Zax. As he soaked up the solid reality of Galen's presence he began to relax.

'I realised that when I saw the bloody great hole in the wall. Still, it could have been worse, it could have been Sax you lashed out at.'

'Don't be ridiculous, he's a child. Will the house be all right?'

'A bit draughty. We've boarded it up for now.'

'Eddy will go spare,' sighed Zax.

'He's calmed down now,' Galen comforted, finding Zax's concern comical given his powers. But then Eddy and the others had Zax harnessed by love so it probably evened out.

'How's Sax?' asked Zax, rubbing his nose against Galen.

'I won't claim he's seen the error of his ways, but Eddy has been doing some groundwork on your behalf. While we were boarding up the hole he came in with a tape he'd made of Sax complaining during one of your practice sessions. After hearing Sax whine the only thing which surprised any of us is that he's still in one piece. It even gave Sax pause. With any luck it's dawning on him that you could have fried him instead of the wall.'

'Now he's terrified of me, wonderful. Did I scare him that much?' Zax added, looking worried.

Galen gave a hoot of amusement and hugged him tight. 'Are you kidding? While you may have given him a pensive moment or two, he's made of sterner stuff than me. No, what he wants most is - '

' - to know how to do it,' groaned Zax.

'Afraid so.' Galen rubbed soothingly up and down Zax's back.

'Wonderful example I make. I lecture him about the need for control and precision, then go and lose my temper and - wham.'

'It was the wall you were aiming for, wasn't it?'

'Of course!'

'For someone in a supposedly ungovernable rage, you found your target with no problem.'

'The last time I lost control like that was with Bevis. And look what happened then.'

Galen went pale. 'I can't believe I've haven't thought of him. Worry about that tomorrow. Let's get back to the house. After I've eaten I plan to take a long, hot shower before going to bed, preferably with a short, bad-tempered magician.'

'I'm not short,' protested Zax, following Galen out of the workshop. 'Ugh, sleet. Get inside the house.'

'You're right, it won't hurt to get the apologies over with.'

Zax stopped in his tracks. 'If you think I'm apologising to that little bastard you can - '

'I was thinking of the others. Though to be fair, it wasn't all Sax's fault. I wasn't the one worrying about him five minutes ago,' pointed out Galen, when Zax glared at him.

Valiantly resisting the urge to tease, the troupe were soon dealt with, although Galen had the ignoble suspicion that Zax knew exactly what he was doing when he sat at their feet on a stool, wide-eyed and contrite as he stared up at them. That picture even stirred _his_ protective instincts - and he knew better.

'Shameless, you are,' said Eddy, patting Zax on the cheek. 'Though I reckon there has to be a penalty. A week of cleaning out the goats should be a timely reminder.'

Zax groaned and pulled a face. 'You're a hard-hearted bastard,' he sighed. 'If I must.'

'Oh, not you,' said Eddy cheerfully. 'Sax. And I'll make sure he does it, too.'

'A week's a bit stiff,' said Zax, tugging one ear lobe.

'You're too soft, that's your trouble,' said Eddy, giving him another pat before he ambled out of the room, followed by the grinning troupe. 

Sax was left standing in the centre of the room, fidgeting. 'They said it's mostly my fault,' he muttered ungraciously, breaking the lengthy silence. He was looking everywhere but at the man still sitting on the stool.

Zax curled his hands around the mug of tea Galen had made for him, grateful for the warmth. 'Do you think they're right?'

'Maybe. I've bin tryin' to make you loose your rag for days,' Sax admitted with unusual candour.

'Congratulations, you succeeded.'

'I wouldn't be standin' here if you had. Or maybe I would. You were bloody terrifying but you controlled that fire from beginning to end. That's wot - what - you've been going on about all this time, isn't it?'

Zax looked up then, the bags under his eyes more in evidence than usual. 'Yes. People like us can do too much harm.' He gave an involuntary shiver, still chilled after his stay in the workshed, having been too furious to think to provide heat.

'We'll be warmer in the kitchen,' said Sax, with an authority which made Galen give an unseen grin. 'I forgot you were doin' all that other stuff as well as teaching me,' he added gruffly. 

It was almost an apology.

'I know.' Zax shrugged into the woollen top Galen found for him and sat as close to the range as he could.

'Did you ever make a mistake with your power?' asked Sax, as he stirred something that was warming in a pan. 

About to deliver a crushing snub, Zax remembered he was supposed to provide an example and resurrected the events it had taken him so long to come to terms with - the first occasion he had summoned a force he couldn't control and the penalty others had paid for that. When he stopped talking there was silence for some time.

'Thanks for telling me,' said Sax gruffly. 'I think I understand better now. I'll do things your way. This would be why the Controller's been bending my ear about working with you.'

'There's something else you need to be reminded of,' said Zax, flexing his stiff neck as he wandered over to sit on the opposite side of the table to Galen, while Sax pottered around the kitchen. 'Life isn't all gloom and doom. You need to learn how to have fun. You could be dead tomorrow. Don't panic, I'm not about to start another lecture. I'm hardly in a position to after losing my temper the way I did. I'm really sorry about that. I never wanted to frighten you. Well, not much anyway,' he added.

Sax gave him a faint, answering grin.

'I'll try to make sure it never happens again.' Zax looked surprised when a bowl of soup was set in front of him.

'Eat,' said Sax, passing another bowl to Galen and slapping down some flat bread between them.

Zax tore off a piece and dunked it in the soup. 'This is good.'

'No need to sound so surprised. Taruna and Rhian have bin teachin' me to cook. That's another thing I didn't come here for.'

'I'm not getting into a fight with them,' said Zax, holding up his hands.

Sax sniffed. 'Why d'you think I go along with them? Besides, they mean well. Oh, wait on. There's cheese.' He got up to retrieve it.

'I've had my ration for the month,' said Zax.

'I know. I can take it or leave it,' lied Sax, putting his own small portion in front of Zax. 

Zax stared at it for a moment, open warmth on his face when he looked up. 'We'll share it.' He cut the piece neatly into three. 'Get yourself some soup and eat with us.'

For a wonder, Sax made no argument and they ate in a contented silence, excluding some over-enthusiastic slurping from Sax.

'Right, I'm warm, I'm fed and I'm in a reasonably good mood, what do you want?' asked Zax.

'Charmin',' sniffed Sax, but he was coming to recognise when he was being teased. 'Well, yeah, I was wondering... Can I ask you something?'

'You usually just do it.'

'Don't piss around, this is important. D'you think that one day I'll be any good, like you?'

'Yes,' said Zax without hesitation, knowing what that question had cost to ask. 'But as for _like_ me, I doubt it. We're different people, with different needs and ambitions. Our focus isn't the same. Don't pin your hopes on being able to do what I can, we may have totally different skills.'

'No transference?' Sax's face dropped.

'I don't know yet. You set my cloak on fire, but you were drawing power from me when you did it. On the other hand, I was shielded when you adapted what I'd done with the fence.'

'You're sayin' it's goin' to take time, aren't you.'

Zax counted silently to four. 'I've been telling you that since we first met.'

'Yeah, but I can see why now. It doesn't mean I 'ave to like it though, does it.'

'You can't fault the logic,' said Galen with a grin, feeling so proud of Zax he could burst.

Zax continued to make Sax his focus. 'Do you know how old I was before I first tried to transfer myself?'

'My age?'

'It was just over five years ago, and until we came to China never farther than a couple of hundred yards at most.'

'I hope I don't have to wait so long.'

'So do I,' said Zax with feeling. 'Incidentally, your probation period's over.'

'You're getting' rid of me!' There was open panic in Sax's voice.

'Of course I'm not. It just means we know we can work together, even if we disagree. I hadn't thought of it before, but given the amount of work you're doing, we should be paying you. You'd better take what you want from the communal box in the hall.'

As everyone, including Zax, pressed units on him whenever they saw him, Sax suspected he was probably the richest of them, so he shrugged that aside. 'I'll still be coming to see you each day?'

Zax hesitated because he knew how much free time he would have to sacrifice, then made the mistake of looking at Sax's unprepossessing face and knew he could not turn him away.

'Of course. Only not tomorrow, I need to catch up on my sleep. I'll see you the day after. But I can't promise I'll be any better at explaining what you want to know.'

'You don't do so bad,' said Sax gruffly. 'I ain't a charity case. As you're giving up so much time for me, how about if I take over the days you're due to look after the goats?'

'Including milking them?'

Sax gave him a wounded look, then a reluctant nod.

'Sold,' said Zax promptly.

'You might have pretended to think it over.'

'And give you a chance to change your mind? Not likely.'

Sax grinned. 'I can see I've still got a bit to learn. I'll see you tomorrow then.' He was whistling as he went off to make what he thought of as his room more comfortable.

'See?' Galen said to Zax. 'We've been telling you you're doing all right with him.'

'Yeah,' said Zax sceptically, before his expression brighted. 'Still, no more goats...'

'Jammy bugger. Though we've all got the next week off.'

'That penalty business isn't a bad idea,' conceded Zax. 

'I know. Want to hear what yours is for blasting that hole in the wall? And don't even think of turning those big eyes on me...'

 

Galen entered Zax's dressing room to hear muffled obscenities as Zax struggled to extricate himself from a tight-fitting tunic.

'If you're not careful the show might start on time tonight. Having fun?' asked Galen, as Zax's face popped into view, scarlet with exertion.

'The bloody thing shrunk when I got caught in the rain this morning.'

'Ah.' Galen strolled behind Zax to run his finger down the warm, brown spine, defeated when he reached the close-fitting waistband of Zax's trousers.

'There isn't time. What are you doing here anyway?' Zax sat in front of his mirror, rummaging through the make-up littering the table top.

'To let you know I'm taking Sax in the air car to check out those singers Imran found.'

'Try and lose Sax while you're out there. Why are you inflicting the brat on yourself?'

'He's been a bit too quiet recently. Have you noticed anything?'

'I can't say I have,' said Zax with cheerful unconcern. 'Just grateful he hasn't been plaguing me as much as usual. Perhaps he chose the wrong pocket to pick.'

'Well, your concern not withstanding, I thought he might enjoy the trip.'

'Where are the singers, that place off the market in Division whatsitsname?'

'That's the one. It's turning into a regular venue. You should try it out yourself one night.'

His imagination fired, Zax swung round on the stool. 'That's a brilliant idea! It could be fun getting back to basics - some simple conjuring and patter. I'd need music though. You could accompany me, you're not bad with that synthesiser now. Shall we give it a whirl? I'll have to use a different name, of course. And make-up. I could use a variation on the white face - to keep the disguise going.'

Horror-struck, Galen stared at him. 'I can't perform.'

'Your voice went all squeaky. Of course you can, there's nothing to it. We can try on our first night off,' Zax coaxed. 'It gives us four days to knock some ideas into shape. I wonder if I can still hold a crowd without relying on the odd hint of mystery.' His hands moved in a sinuous, graceful gesture, his expression self-mocking.

'It's not you I'm worried about,' said Galen, aware of his meagre skills and Zax's high standards.

'Please?'

'I'll think about it.'

'Great. We won't be doing more than a thirty minute slot, if they don't kick us off before then.'

'I said I'll think about it.'

'I heard you. You'll enjoy it. Well, you might. Look, stay on over there and I'll join you after the show. I'm in the mood for some nightlife . All work and no play makes Zax a very dull boy.'

'Sax will be with me,' Galen reminded him.

'Bugger. I know, stuff enough food in him and he'll be no trouble. Now go away before I forget to paint my second eye.'

 

The singing duo were appallingly bad, Sax's disparaging comments doing more to entertain the small crowd than the luckless performers. Galen dragged him away before the brawnier of the two singers decided to exact revenge.

'I thought you promised Zax not to steal?' he added, when he caught Sax in the act.

'I 'aven't touched anything of his - any of you lot - for weeks,' protested Sax indignantly.

'I think he had everyone in mind.'

'Now that's just not reasonable.'

Galen fished in his pockets. 'These are all the units I've got. Go spend 'em. I'll wait for you here.'

Never one to argue when he was making a profit, Sax headed off to the metal trader's stall.

Galen saw several pickpockets at work but in the interests of a quiet life he did not interfere. He swung around at a light touch on his shoulder and smiled his delight. 'I didn't think you'd be here for at least another hour. You didn't miss much.'

'Only you,' said Zax, smiling.

'How did the show go ton - ?' The question stopped in Galen's throat. Heedless of those behind him, he backed away until he hit a wall. 'You're not Zax,' he whispered, staring into the coldest eyes he had ever seen. 

Instinct brought his knife to his hand but he froze, unable to contemplate using it on someone who mirrored Zax to the life. The image was perfect, except for the saving grace of warmth which, no matter how bad his temper, was always present in Zax. Bile bitter in his throat as he stared at the cloaked, smiling figure, Galen's hand began to shake, his face stark with revulsion.

'You're not Zax,' he repeated numbly, clinging to that fact.

'No,' agreed Bevis, in the velvety tone Zax usually reserved for his audience, 'but I will be, very soon.'

Overtaken by nausea, by the time Galen was in any state to notice, Bevis was gone, leaving him shivering in a noisome corner, fighting not to vomit again. Ignored by passersby as just another drunk, Galen used the wall for some much needed support. Crouched there, one hand covering his clammy face, the knife dangled from the other while he tried to come to terms with the shocking unfamiliarity of Zax's eyes, and how close he had come to accepting the lie.

'There you are! I've bin lookin' all over for - You all right? Let me see, eh?'

The blessed normality of Sax's voice made Galen look up. 'I'm fine,' he said huskily, his throat raw.

'You're a mess,' Sax told him with brutal frankness. 'Let's get you away from here. Was it a fight?'

Relieved of his knife and pulled and prodded to his feet, Galen staggered before he regained a measure of stability. Half-supported, he made no protest as Sax steered him down a quieter alleyway.

'You could use a drink. But I'll have to clean you up first. Nowhere will let us in otherwise. Spit on this. No, on second thoughts, I will.' Suiting his actions to his words, Sax cleaned Galen up. 'Well, you won't win any prizes but you'll do.'

Independent thought beyond him, Galen allowed himself to be steered into a drinking house.

'Sit yourself down. How many were there? We'll fix the bastards,' Sax promised him.

'Who?' Galen studied his unsteady hands where they rested on the table top. Shock, he noted with detached interest.

'Those who attacked you. Ta, mate,' Sax added to the waiter. He had been worried enough to abandon the prudence of a lifetime and order alcohol in a drinking house, despite the prohibitive cost. 'Drink this,' he urged with gruff concern.

'I wasn't attacked,' said Galen, before the raw smell of the spirit caught in his nostrils. 'You have it. I couldn't. I'm fine, really.'

'Did you eat somefink dodgy?'

Galen shook his head.

It was the work of seconds for Sax to take the call-note from Galen's pocket. A frightened sounding Taruna told him that Zax was on stage.

'Then get him off it and over here as fast as you like. Somefink's happened to Galen.' Sax cut contact on that reassuring note.

His attention divided between the harmless inmates of the drinking house and Galen, Sax grew restive as minutes passed and Zax did not arrive.

Slumped on his chair, his hair awry and his eyes bloodshot, Galen was unable to shake off the knowledge of how nearly he had been tricked, and how much worse it could have been.

Had been, for Zax. And he had assumed he understood the full horror of what Zax had been through. 

'About time!' Sax leapt to his feet. 'Wait here, I'll be back.' 

He raced outside, dodging through the crowd until he caught up with Zax. 'Oy! About time. Galen's this way.'

'Is he all right?' gasped Zax.

'He's got no injuries I could find, says he wasn't attacked and didn't eat anything bad but he's puked his guts up. I was bartering and came back to find him pale and shaking so...' Sax discovered he was talking to the air and decided to wait where he was.

Still breathless from his frantic chase round the market, Sax having neglected to give Taruna his exact location, Zax slid onto the chair opposite Galen. 'Hello,' he said quietly. 'Sax tells me there's been some trouble.'

Galen leapt to his feet, his eyes wide with a mixture of terror and revulsion.

Zax could think of only one thing which could so overthrow Galen's nerve. His hands motionless on the table top, he looked up, his eyes locked to Galen's, willing him not to run. 'It _is_ me. Let me prove it. I could ask what happened to the tunic I bought yesterday, but old memories are a better test. When I first transferred to China I brought back something so that the others might known where I'd been. Can you remember what it was?'

Galen sagged with relief. 'Yes.' He set his chair back on its feet and sat down, unaware that he had attracted the attention of everyone in the place.

Very aware of it, Zax relaxed as patrons returned to their own conversations when the excitement came to nothing. 'I'll tell you what it was so you can be certain it's me,' he said, his inner turmoil belied by his relaxed voice.

Galen stared into those warm, anxious eyes and saw the betraying marks of smeared make-up.

'I know who you are,' he said with certainty. 'Who else would come out looking like this, your make-up's smudged.' But with horror still lurking to claim him, his smile was a poor thing.

'Along with the rest of me. We'll have to train Sax to leave coherent messages. It took a while to find you. He said you'd been sick.'

'It was Bevis. But I was so busy throwing up he got away. He pretended to be you.'

Only training allowed Zax to conceal his rage at the cruelty of the trick which had been played on Galen, who had given all his generous heart to a broken sorcerer and who could be hurt far too easily.

'I was afraid it might be that.'

'I knew he wasn't you though,' said Galen, needing to try and make the memory bearable. 'I knew when I saw him wearing that medallion you gave Sax. Then I looked into his eyes. It was...' He grimaced. 'Listen to me, they were just eyes.'

'But not with the expression you were expecting. I know. No wonder you're cold.'

'How could you bear to look at me after he raped you with my body?' said Galen in an agonised whisper. 'I didn't understand just how...' His voice cracked and he begun to shake again, the certainty which had come to underpin his life taken from him.

Zax briskly chafed his cold hands. 'You never had anything to apologise for. It wasn't you.' He draped his cloak around Galen, making no fuss because he knew how much Galen would hate it.

'You're still in costume. You should have changed, someone might recognise you.'

'I thought I'd rather see you instead.' Zax extended his hand, smiling when Galen took it without hesitation. 'Let's go home.' He saw the glasses on the table and left enough money to pay for the table itself. 'Do you want that?' He gestured to the glass of spirit.

Galen shuddered.

'Then I think I will,' said Zax grimly. He drained the contents in two swallows and gasped as the fiery liquid caught the back of his throat. 'I knew there was a good reason why I avoided alcohol,' he said, as his eyes began to water. 'That was revolting.'

Enfolded in the warmth and familiar scents of Zax's cloak, Galen gave a genuine smile of amusement. 'It's also potent, and you don't drink. I'd better drive us home.'

'Why?' asked Zax, surprised.

'I thought you didn't drink in case it affected your control.'

'I've learnt to trust myself more since then. Self-confidence, that's the secret,' said Zax, exuding a heady scent of alcohol. He tucked his arm into Galen's and took them out to where Sax was waiting. 'I'll take us home.' 

'The energy field around the air car will only protect it for another couple of hours,' said Galen.

'Sax can drive it back. I'm sure he knows how,' said Zax dryly.

Sax grinned, then gave Galen a sharp, assessing glance. Satisfied, he nodded his approval at Zax. 'I thought you'd do the trick.'

'I won't forget what you've done for us. I'm in your debt.' Zax fished in Galen's pockets for the key to the air car.

'Not for this. 'Course, if you want to show me how to transf - '

'Don't push it,' Zax advised him, smiling. 'Enjoy your drive. Any damage and you pay for it.'

'Don't you want a lift?'

'I'll transfer us home as soon as I find a quiet corner, Galen's tired.'

'He's also capable of talking for himself,' pointed out Galen, in more of his usual manner. 'And I'm not convinced that a half-cut magician - '

'Just for once will you do as I ask without arguing?' 

'So long as it's only the once.'

Sax tossed the keys in his hand. ''Ow d'you know I won't just take off and forget to come back? I could buy half the Maze with an air car.'

'Knowing the sort of bargain you drive, more like two-thirds,' said Zax. 'We'll see you tomorrow.'

'You're mad,' said Sax with conviction.

'I know he is,' said Galen. 'But he grows on you.'

'Will you come on,' said Zax. Half-turning, he tossed another key at Sax. 'If you need a bed for the night - any night - you're welcome to use the house.'

Within moments the two men were lost amongst the crowd.

Whistling tunelessly between his teeth, Sax hurried off, wondering how much of a joy ride he would be able to get away with.

 

Zax stood in the middle of their bedroom, his hands resting lightly on Galen's flanks as he studied him with a loving attention to detail. 'First we get you clean and warm.'

'Sounds good,' said Galen, fumbling to remove the cloak.

Zax did it for him, before unfastening and sliding away the other unsavoury looking garments. Once in the bathroom, he stripped and joined Galen under the shower.

'I can manage,' said Galen, his eyelashes spiky in the water.

'I'm sure you can but I'd like to reassure myself you're in one piece. We might even enjoy it.'

Galen smiled and lifted his face into the spray as steam wreathed around them. He kept one hand on Zax's shoulder as an aid to his balance while Zax stroked him clean, relaxing to the point where only the wall behind him and the prop of Zax in front of him kept him on his feet.

'Don't fall asleep just yet, there's the other side to do.'

The spray of water directed on his back, water slipped between his buttocks and down his parted thighs, dripping from the end of his prick and rolling down his face. Galen sighed with voluptuous pleasure as the soap-slick hands caressed his buttocks before rinsing away the bubbly froth at his groin.

'This feels wonderful,' he said, his fingers brushing the wet head bent to him as Zax knelt to wash his calves and feet.

Zax looked up, squinting against the flow of water and briefly kissed his flank. 'It's supposed to.' He rinsed away the last vestige of soap, turned off the water and wrapped Galen in one vast towel. With another slung over his shoulder, he took Galen back to the bedroom, hooked out a stool, seated Galen and started to towel dry his hair.

'Are you warm enough?' he checked.

'Wonderful,' mumbled Galen, who was almost boneless with pleasure. He roused himself with an obvious effort and tugged at the towel, with which Zax was drying his feet. 'I can do that.I could dry you while I'm at it. You're making the floorboards wet.'

'They'll survive.' Zax had an abstracted air as he shrugged into a faded black cotton robe, which clung to his still damp shoulders.

'What are you concentrating on?' asked Galen, as he slid into bed. 'Mmn, warm sheets, you're spoiling me.'

'I was wondering if the soup's boiled over. I'll be back in a minute, I'm just going to get the food.'

'I'm not hungry.'

'Maybe you're not but I'm starving.'

Zax returned carrying a loaded tray. He paused in the doorway. 'I brought a sprig of bamboo back with me from China,' he said, making no attempt to enter the room.

Galen relaxed. 'Pass, friend. I didn't mean to freeze.'

'I know. Bevis did us a favour. We've been getting blasé. From now on we check on each other every time we're apart.'

'We'll run out of memories.'

'Then we'll make new ones. We won't have to do it for much longer. I'm not having you as any man's target. Here, hold the tray while I get comfortable.' 

Galen inhaled the heady aromas and began to regret turning down the chance of a meal. 'You're going to eat in bed?' he said, disapproving of such decadent practices.

'Stop salivating and drink some soup.' His stomach growling, Zax watched Galen clear the bowl and a good third of the bread.

'That was great, but I forgot to save you any,' Galen realised guiltily.

Zax refilled the bowl from the flask precariously balanced on the tray. 'Go on.'

'You eat, I've had plenty.' 

While Zax began his own meal Galen absent-mindedly munched his way through the cheese, three apples and a pear.

'Better?' said Zax, putting the tray on the floor.

'Considerably.' Galen was grateful for the warm, golden light which seemed to illuminate even normally dark corners of the room. 'How did you know this was what I needed?' he added, gesturing vaguely.

'I didn't, not for certain. Just presumed you'd tell me if it wasn't.'

'Oh. You're a clever sod at times.' Galen yawned and snuggled closer.

'I know,' said Zax, his thumb describing circles on the bare skin of Galen's shoulder. 'Take the show tonight...' His voice at a monotonous level, he began a deliberately boring recital. When he was certain Galen was asleep he doused the lights but stayed awake, trying to decide how to locate an elusive shape-changer in a Maze teeming with people.

 

Jolted awake, his mouth dry and his palms wet, Galen gave a shuddering sigh, his eyes widening with panic when he saw Zax.

'Bamboo shoot,' said Zax quickly.

Galen slumped, then rubbed his face, trying to shake off the nightmare.

'Bevis?' said Zax.

'Yeah. When I realised it wasn't you I said: "You're not Zax." He said, "No, but I will be, very soon." How can we fight an enemy we can't even find?'

'We'll find him,' promised Zax, holding Galen tight. His face hidden from view, he fought the superstitious dread which had dogged him for so long.

"But I will be...

'Of course we will,' said Galen, stroking up and down Zax's spine and wishing he'd had the sense to lie.

Zax drew away slightly. 'I meant it,' he said, a pugnacious tilt to his chin. 'If I have to I'll close down the theatre and check every living soul in the Maze. As for his ambitions...' He flicked his fingers, filling the room with tiny bursts of light which shimmered and spun before dissipating '...the position of Zax is already taken.'

Desire, sweet and urgent, had overtaken Galen's apprehension. 'Which position appeals the most?'

Zax cocked his head. 'You fucking me for as long as you can last.'

'I shouldn't hold your breath,' said Galen, realistically aware of his limitations, 'but I'll give it my best.'

'That'll be enough,' said Zax.

And it was.


	30. Chapter 30

THIRTY

 

The following morning, having left the troupe with unequivocal commands regarding Galen's welfare, Zax went to speak to the Controller.

'While I appreciate the problem, I cannot help,' said the Controller.

'Surely the Register would give some clue of when Bevis arrived, where he was staying?'

'The old Registers were destroyed years ago. Even medical records are available only to the medics and the patient concerned.'

'Wonderful! How can you organise anything without being certain how many people...? I sound like a Regulator,' recognised Zax. 'The thought of Bevis going after Galen terrifies me. He's too used to guarding others to think of looking after himself.'

'Bevis' ability gives him no more than the initial advantage of surprise.'

'He can change into anyone he likes,' Zax reminded him.

'Ah. Then you should avoid densely populated areas and wear body armour. You could hire guards.'

'So someone else can be killed instead of me? I don't think so.'

'Then perhaps you should consider restricting your appearances underground to those on stage, and perform only behind an energy screen. I can advise you on that.'

'You've received no reports of Ina being sighted?'

'Would you care to estimate the number of slight, dark-haired women with sallow skin and brown eyes, approximately thirty years of age, who live in the Maze?'

'I'm wasting your time, aren't I. I should leave China.'

'What?' The wariness in the Controller's voice was unmistakable.

'I'll announce as much from the stage, which will ensure word spreads. I could even say where I'm going to.'

'Galen will never agree.'

'He need never know until it's too late. I won't pretend I like the idea but it should flush Bevis out into the open. I'll make the announcement tonight. Before I lose my nerve.'

'As opposed to your mind?' said Galen from the doorway. 'Are you cracking up?'

'I might be,' conceded Zax with gloom. 'I just want to find the bastard!'

'So do I. What I don't want is to hear any more drivel about you going off into the sunset to lure away Bevis. You try and I'll be after you so fast you won't know what hit you. Literally.'

'I love it when you're masterful,' said Zax, trying to make a joke of it.

'Not funny,' said Galen flatly.

'Bevis would come after me,' said Zax, looking sulky because he could recognise the stupidity of what he propsed.

'Please? I couldn't bear it if... We'll find him, but together.'

'And if he kills you before then?' demanded Zax.

'He didn't kill you when you were unconscious, or me yesterday. He could have, easily.'

'That's supposed to be a comfort?'

'It's the best I can offer right now.'

Zax exhaled noisily. 'I can't help thinking the only reason I'm agreeing is because I didn't want to go in the first place.'

'Which shows you have more sense than I give you credit for. Promise you won't leave me.'

Zax allowed himself to be reeled in. 'I promise. Look, stay and have a chat with the Controller. I need to take a walk and clear my head.'

'I wouldn't mind a walk myself. I'll come with you.'

'You're not wearing body armour.'

'Now there's a funny thing, nor are you,' said Galen, as he pushed Zax from the room. 'Your thought processes go to hell when you miss a night's sleep. If Bevis wanted anything as simple as us dead we would be. There are plenty of people prepared to kill to order for no more reward than the price of a pair of shoes.'

'Is that suppose to help?' Zax resisted the temptation to look over his shoulder.

'No, just a reminder that if we change our lives because of Bevis he's won.'

'I know I over-reacted but I couldn't bear to see you hurt again, least of all because of me. I never realised that loving someone would make me so vulnerable. Bugger Bevis. Let's have breakfast. Though if you're going to keep lecturing me we'll end up with indigestion.'

'Which would be a pity because the food's good here,' said Galen, pausing outside his favourite eating house.

By tacit agreement they abandoned the subject of Bevis, their relaxation genuine by the time they had finished a leisurely meal. It was not until they got up to leave that they discovered neither of them had any units on them, or anything of enough worth to barter.

'I am Ken Lo, may I help you?'

Zax turned to face the middle-aged proprietor, his expression apologetic. 'We neglected to check we had the means to pay for our meal. If you'll agree, I'll remain here while my friend leaves to obtain the necessary sum.'

'I'll be gone less than ten minutes,' said Galen, braced for a flood of abuse at best.

'That won't be necessary,' said Ken Lo serenely. 'You may pay the next time you eat here, or not, as you choose. We of the market are in your debt.'

Zax stared at him. 'I think you must be confusing me with someone else.'

'There is no confusion. But we respect your desire for privacy. Since your theatre opened, business has boomed. I, myself, have seen your show fifteen times,' Ken Lo added proudly.

'You know who he is?' Galen was busy checking the nearest exit, and the number of people they would have to get through to reach it.

'Of course. There is no one from the oldest crone to the smallest child in the market who does not recognise Zax the Magician. You choose anonymity outside the theatre and we will respect your wishes. Everyone requires time to be themselves.'

Uncertain how best to react, Zax inclined his head.

'That's it exactly. Plus...' Galen's voice faded, he had no wish to remind anyone of Zax's potential value to the unscrupulous.

'The danger? That, too, is understood. You need have no fear in this part of the Division,' Ken Lo assured Zax. 'There have been a few who thought to take you captive.' He gave a shark-like smile. 'They were unwise enough to discuss their plans where they could be overheard. They did not survive to put their plans into operation. We are proud you choose to make your life amongst us.'

'Er, thank you,' said Zax, distracted by maniacal visions of would-be assassins being struck down while he bartered for fruit or a new shirt. None of the stallholders had ever given the slightest indication that they knew his real identity. 'Not least for giving me the freedom to live as I choose, amongst my friends. And for supporting the theatre so faithfully. Next time you visit I would be honoured to hear what you thought of the show.'

Ken Lo beamed and inclined his head.

'I would be grateful if you would indulge me in one small way,' added Zax.

'If it is within my power.'

Ken Lo's lack of hesitation told Galen all he needed to know about Zax's popularity, for whatever reason.

'It is simply that any other would-be kidnappers be spared. I will come to no harm.'

Ken Lo gave him a look of regret. 'Fate moves in mysterious ways. Who can predict whether it is a man's destiny to die in his bed, under the wheels of a wagon, or to choke on a husk of rice?'

'Who indeed?' said Galen heartily. 'No one should try to argue with destiny. Thank you for a delicious meal. I will return this evening to pay for it.' He bestowed his warmest smile on the man before leading Zax out of the eating house.

'They can't go around murdering people,' hissed Zax, aghast.

'You'd rather I did it instead? What do you think those plotters you're so eager to protect had planned for you, polite persuasion?'

'I can - '

' - look after yourself. I know. But you won't need to around the theatre because all these lovely stallholders are going to do it for you. I suppose it was overly optimistic to think they wouldn't make the connection. It's one worry less though.'

'Not for me, it's not. The only reason they're looking after me is because I'm making them rich. It's immoral,' said Zax, outraged.

Galen nodded cheerfully. It occurred to him that it would be no bad thing for Zax to do as he had suggested and take his show out to the outlying Divisions. Put a theatre close to the market in each place and Zax could become the most protected individual in China. It was a thought he decided not to share, aware that he and Zax were unlikely to see eye to eye on the subject.

'You're up to something,' said Zax with conviction.

'Just wondering what music I could manage for your first street show.'

He regretted the lie as soon as he had said it because it meant he ended up agreeing to appear on stage with Zax the following Sunday.

 

While the practice sessions had been terrifying enough, the show was ten times worse.

'Never, ever again,' vowed Galen, after his first street performance.

'They loved us.' Zax's eyes were still sparkling with excitement and laughter, comedy having played a far greater role in his performance than usual - or rather that given by Vavasseur. 

'It's more than I did. You might have warned me about those little surprises you had planned.'

'What surprises?' asked Zax, just before he smeared Galen's face with cold cream.

'Such innocence. The knife throwing, for one. First I knew about it was when you pinned my sleeve to the door. I came that close to gutting you until I realise it was a part of the act. I can clean my own face, you know.'

Zax waved that irrelevance aside and lightly massaged Galen's cheekbones with his thumbs.

'And then there was the levitation spot you neglected to mention,' continued Galen remorselessly. 'I was there to produce music, not to become the floorshow.'

'Stay still unless you want a finger in your eye. As for the music, maybe later, when you've had more practice.'

'I warned you I wasn't perfect,' said Galen, on the defensive because in his view he'd been bloody brilliant, considering the short time he had been playing.

'Well, now I believe you.'

'I wasn't that bad.'

'The crowd loved you. Especially,' Zax began to laugh, 'when they thought you were going to do the strip. I could make a fortune with you.'

'You lying, manipulative, tricky...' His hands full of warm, responsive magician, Galen's complaints faded away, his eyes bright with laughter. It had been that kind of a night.

Zax wiped his fingers clean before sliding his hands between the edges of Galen's crimson shirt.

'What do you want?' asked Galen, knowing what he was hoping for.

'To fuck you.'

'Sold,' said Galen promptly.

They made love in the way Zax had learnt Galen loved most, with Galen kneeling under him, his weight on Galen's back as he murmured in Galen's ear while he fucked him slow and deep, until slow had to become fast and Galen came with a shuddering gasp.

 

'What did you really think of my playing?' Galen traced the arch of Zax's left eyebrow.

'Brilliant,' mumbled Zax, who was on the edge of sleep.

'I wouldn't go that far,' said Galen modestly. He tapped the relaxed curve of Zax's bottom to gain his attention. 'No, really, what did you think of it?'

One sleepy eye opened. 'Back in the market place, you mean?'

'Yes, I mean back in the market place, you tantalising sod. What did you think?'

There was a small pause.

'You didn't like it,' said Galen flatly.

'I did, I did,' said Zax, perjuring himself without hesitation.

'Then I can play for you next week?'

'Of course you can.'

'You _must_ love me,' said Galen smugly.

There was another, slightly longer pause.

'You don't want to play for me?' said Zax with care.

His eyes brimming with laughter, Galen shook his head. 'I'd love to, in two or three years, when I've had a chance to practice more. Eddy was in the audience.'

'I hoped you hadn't seen him.'

'Seen him! I thought he was going to climb up and snatch the synthesiser away from me at one point. I can't understand why I was quite so bad. I'm not tone deaf and my hands weren't shaking that much.'

'You were nervous?' Zax propped himself up on one elbow.

'Only when I had to play. 'I really enjoyed being your stooge. And when they laughed it felt... Almost as good as sex.'

Zax kissed him gently on the mouth. 'I know.'

' But you'd better leave the musical side to Eddy. For now,' said Galen.

'Oh good.'

'Bastard,' said Galen, trying to turn over on the cot and almost sending Zax flying. 'We'll never sleep on this. One of us has put on weight. We used to fit on here.'

'For ten minutes or so. Shall I take us home?'

'Lovely. Give me a moment to get dressed,' said Galen sleepily.

Zax was still chuckling when they arrived on their bed back at the house.

'I don't see what was so funny,' said Galen with dignity.

'How did you think anyone was going to see you while I was transferring us?'

'Oh. I never thought of that.' Galen spread himself over the wide expanse of the mattress, hitched his pillows to a more comfortable angle, and let himself drift. 

'Maybe next week I could have a go at knife throwing instead,' he mused.

Zax fell asleep before he had worked out which was the lesser of two evils.

 

Aware of his lack of skills in Zax's world, Galen had a quiet word with Bob, and was soon learning how to tumble, take prat falls and the basics of physical comedy.

'Though I'm far from being an expert,' Bob told him, enjoying their sessions almost as much as Galen did.

'Compared to me you are.'

'Compared to you even Eddy is,' Bob pointed out with a grin, evading Galen's lunge with ease.

A sound in the doorway made them look up to see Anike and Zax propped on either side of the doorway, arms folded.

'We wondered if there was anything you two wanted to tell us,' said Anike, her expression stern.

'What?' His chest heaving, gleaming with sweat, Bob squinted at her.

'The amount of time you two have been spending together. In secret,' added Zax, straight-faced. His quivering chin betrayed him.

'Why you - ! Bob, give me a hand with him,' said Galen, finding a reserve of energy he had not realised he possessed.

Anike gave a shriek but that did not save her.

'Mmn, you smell nice,' discovered Zax, licking a salty portion of Galen.

'You're not supposed to be enjoying this,' Galen told him severely.

Zax raised his eyebrows.

'Go on then, you've talked me into it,' said Galen weakly.

'No self-control, that's your trouble,' Bob told him, his expression changing as Anike used a hold rarely seen on stage - at least not in their kind of shows.

 

Galen had become resigned to losing Zax's attention when they were in a market, Zax given to darting off mid-sentence to investigate the contents of a stall. It was not until he returned empty-handed for the third time that Galen realised he was not in search of a bargain.

'What's wrong?' he asked.

'I think I know that woman in black buying rice.'

The mere fact Zax had not gone over to her made it obvious she was not a friend. Gaps in the drifting crowd gave Galen a chance to study the woman in more detail but there was nothing memorable about her, except the lines of discontent bracketing her mouth, and her nervy movements. 

'I wouldn't have thought she was your type,' he said, naggingly aware that there was something familiar about her. She would have been pretty enough twenty years ago.

'I wish I could remember where I've seen her.' Zax's attention remained on the woman who was heading into the most crowded area of the market.

'We could easily catch up with her.' Galen was satisfied that whether she was a demented admirer of Zax's stage persona, or a discarded lover from Zax's past, he was amply equipped to defend him, should the need arise.

'No!'

That vehement, instinctive response gave Galen pause. 'Is she dangerous?'

'I don't know. That's the problem.' Zax eased his way through the press of people, careful not to draw attention to himself.

Galen resigned himself to going hungry and remained a few inches from Zax's back at all times. The woman continued to shop, bargaining hard for the lowest price, before heading out of the market.

'That's the way to the theatre where we first saw Bevis,' said Galen. 'It's still empty. People say it's haunted. But you know what it's like, rumours multiply faster than rats.'

'If she goes inside, wait for me here. If that's Bevis I'll need all my concentration, which I won't have if I'm busy worrying what you're going to do.'

'You can leave Bevis to me,' said Galen, his manner uncompromising. Before Zax could react he was running towards the theatre, determined to deal with the shape-changer, if that was who the woman proved to be. 

While he caught up with Galen, Zax lost sight of his quarry. He grabbed Galen's arm and forced him to stop. 'Damn it, I don't want to see you hurt.'

'Nor do I. But I'm not letting you go in there alone. We go in together or not at all. I'll stay at your back. And this time I won't throw up, whatever he turns himself in to.' Galen recognised the moment when Zax acknowledged his right to accompany him. 'It'll be all right,' he said gruffly. 'It may not even be Bevis.'

'Whoever it is, we've lost her.'

'She must have gone inside.'

Zax gave him a sour look. 'I'd managed to work that out for myself. I could just knock you out.' He felt sick with apprehension, remembering what had happened to Galen last time.

'If it's any consolation, it won't be any easier for me - and I have a very good chance of being able to knock you out.'

His chin jutting, Zax's sense of the ridiculous came to his rescue just in time. 'Why are we standing here arguing about something that's never going to happen?'

Galen chose to take the rhetorical question literally. 'Because what's left of the theatre is down there, we both think the woman went inside, and we're afraid she's Bevis.'

Zax exhaled slowly, trying to calm himself as he accepted the inevitable, if with a poor grace. 'Are you armed?'

'Of course.'

'Do you have a spare knife I can borrow? While I'll try and convince him to leave... No, I don't think that will work either,' Zax said, reading Galen's expression with ease, 'but I have to try. That leaves conventional means. I'm even better at throwing a knife than you.'

'Have you ever used one in combat?'

'No. I'll learn fast,' said Zax, emotion flattened from his voice. 'There has to be an end to this. Not just for your sake, or mine. A number of people were injured outside the theatre the night of Reagon's show. Next time could be even worse. If he hasn't learnt in all these years, he never will. It's time to bring this to an end. Must I go in unarmed?'

'Of course not.' This not an area where it was wise to display a weapon, Galen moved them deeper into the shadows and brought out his knives, offering them to Zax, hilt first. 'See which feels the most comfortable. You'll find them heavier than your throwing knives.'

He divided his attention between keeping guard and watching Zax assess the weight and balance of both knives. It hurt to see the intensity of his concentration as he decided which would make the best weapon, he was made for life and laughter, not dealing in death.

Zax tucked a knife from sight and returned the other to Galen. 'We're both shielded, so you won't have to worry about attack from that quarter. If he should kill me, either finish him fast, or run because he'll go for your mind. No heroics on my account. Promise you'll stay behind me, whatever happens?'

It was not a time for false pride. Galen promised without hesitation because any distraction could be fatal for Zax.

'Then let's get this over with.'

Twenty yards from the rear door which led into the theatre, Galen froze when he saw the door rise a little, slide forward and sideways and rest against the wall.

'I melted the hinges and locks,' murmured Zax. 'I'll deal with all closed doors the same way.'

'Never pass a room or gap without being certain it's empty, or a door before you know what's in the room behind it. You won't have to worry about your back because I'll be guarding that. If I tell you to do something, just do it, no hesitation or argument. _Down_ means as flat on the floor as you can get. _Left_ will mean fall to the left and so on. Clear?'

'Yes.'

'Then you deal with the doors and I'll check what's inside them. It's what I'm trained for.'

Zax nodded, every instinct revolting at the unfamiliar use to which his skills were being put. 

'Go in on the count of three.' Galen held up his hand and counted down with his fingers.

The building had never been intended for use as a theatre. The floor of the hallway was thick with trodden in filth, the ceiling and walls bowing. The air was stale and stank of rot and dirt and vermin. There were not many doors left, the rooms empty of anything except rubbish. As they turned down the corridor to face the last door, they paused.

'This must lead to the auditorium,' breathed Zax, sweat visible at his hairline and upper lip.

'The back of it,' said Galen, in the same flat voice which would carry no farther than Zax. 'How much did you burn?'

'Only the stage.'

'Then the pillars will still be in place. They offer too much cover. I'll deal with this door. Can you light the entire area the moment it's down, bright as you like?'

Zax nodded. Galen broke the door open with one well-placed kick, the rotting wood offering no resistance. The scene of domesticity which met their eyes was an anticlimax. At the far end of the auditorium Ina and an unknown middle-aged man looked up from where they had been preparing a meal. While there was no sign of the woman they had been following, the man was dressed in the same black tunic and trousers. The makeshift platform obviously served as their living quarters to judge from the clutter of belongings tangled across its surface. The floor underneath it was thick with food scraps and rubbish.

Ina screamed and dropped the turnip she had been peeling. The man seemed less alarmed. He set down a ladle, a disquieting smile crossing his face.

'Be quiet, my dear, we have guests. You're spellbound by your surroundings, I take it. Come to gloat over our squalor, have you?' 

'You must have known I would find you eventually.' Zax stepped in front of Galen, shielding him. 'You went to some effort to ensure I wouldn't forget you.'

Galen knew Zax could destroy the platform and those on it without needing to move, equally he knew Zax would not do it, not in cold blood. If it was a fault, Galen could not help but be glad of it.

'Kill him,' hissed Ina, her voice venomous, her face pinched with temper. Her hand curled around the haft of the knife she had been using.

'Not yet.' Bevis' voice was rich and indulgent. 'Zax wants to talk to me. But do I wish to talk to you, I wonder? You've put me to some inconvenience. Life has been hard for us, as you can see.'

'It need not have been.'

'No? How were we supposed to live with your spies reporting on every street artist? Do you fear competition so much?'

'Let's make an end to this,' said Zax with distaste. 'The only thing I fear is that one day I might prostitute my power as you've done. You disgust me and you terrify your audiences. There's no place for you in China, you must leave.'

'And where would you suggest I go?'

'Then stay,' invited Galen.

Bevis turned to him. 'It speaks, it seeks to threaten me! I was obviously too generous in my treatment of you.'

'Try to harm Galen and I'll kill you where you stand,' said Zax with a chilling certainty.

'Who are you to command me?' The shape-changer's face and form blurred and reformed.

Too aware of Bevis' ability to turn a scene to his advantage, Galen did not look away but his face was tight with revulsion.

When the shape-changer's form finally settled into a recognisable figure Zax inhaled sharply, then steadied himself, but not before his reaction had been noted.

'So you _do_ remember me,' said Bevis. 'I thought you might, you were a clingy child, always wanting affection. Now, what is it you imagine I should be afraid of, my milksop son?'

'Who are you?' asked Zax.

'Is your memory so poor? Doesn't a son recognise his own flesh and blood?'

'Bevis? What are you saying?' Ina was back on her feet, tugging at his arm.

Bevis back-handed her away with a force which sent her reeling, before she fell, half-stunned.

Zax shook his head in denial, unable to look away from the man so like, yet subtly unlike, himself.

Galen's stomach lurched when he saw Bevis' new face. It was not Zax, yet he saw an indication of how Zax might look twenty five years from now. The set of the ears, the shape and colour of the eyes, and that beautiful mouth were the same. The body was thicker but still graceful, the grey hair falling in a familiar disorder.

'You claim you're his father?' said Galen, certain this must be another trick.

Bevis did not spare him a glance. 'I don't need to claim anything. Read the truth in your catamite's face. Shall I tell you how much the Scientists paid me for him?'

'How long have you known I'm your son?' Zax was finding it difficult to control his breathing.

'When I first saw you perform on the Island. Until then I hoped you'd been dissected years since. Then I met sweet Ina, who begged me to help her show you your place. It was a pleasure,' said Bevis, rolling the word around on his tongue.

'This is just another of your tricks,' said Galen.

'Is it? Zax doesn't think so, do you, _son_? I see you've lost your medallion. I should have taken that before the Regulators came. Though there wasn't much time as I recall. You fought badly, even then.'

Zax was shaking. 'Having sold me to the Scientists, you still hated me enough to try to break my mind, to steal my power, to _rape_ me...' His voice cracked, then steadied. 'Why didn't you simply kill me and have done with it?'

'Oh, I will. But before I let you die you'll have lost everything dear to you.'

Zax stared at him, his lack of comprehension clear. 'What was it I did that you should hate me so?' he whispered.

'You were a troublesome brat from the moment you were conceived, bringing nothing but pain and disappointment. What would you understand about being fettered by a monstrous growth that trapped me in one body for nine interminable months?'

'What would you know about bearing a child?' asked Galen, trying to redirect that rage to himself.

'More than you, my pretty.' The shape-changer's hatred was palpable. 'I never wanted him but I had to have a child for my line to continue. How was I to know the bloody brat would take after his father. Just what the world needs, another _conjuror_!'

'What about Zax's father?' asked Galen, beginning to sweat when he realised the implications.

'That pathetic fool dared to try to stop me performing. Did you never wonder why I had to go away so often?' Bevis asked Zax. 'I _had_ to perform. But audiences had been bribed. Why else would they failed to acknowledge me? Such things are an abomination, they said. While you caper and simper and they think you great! This is your doing, yours and his!' Finally running out of breath, there was a merciful silence before the figure on the platform reformed.

What stood in front of them was the grey-haired woman they had seen in the market.

Galen became aware of the sound of whimpering: Ina, he remembered, keeping the full focus of his attention on Bevis. As he watched she changed again, to a pretty woman in her mid-twenties.

Zax backed away from her into Galen. 'No, you can't be,' he whispered, horror on his face.

'Don't you remember your mother?' the shape-changer mocked.

 _Pretty_ , remembered Galen, hearing the echo of Zax's voice, _but cold_. The years had not been kind to her. Zax had her eyebrows and nose.

'Ah, I see you do,' said the shape-changer. 'Can you imagine what it was like, watching your father inflict his pathetic talents on an audience? He pretended it wasn't safe to be a shape-changer. I taught him the meaning of safety. After I'd sold his body I took his place. And _you_ , you never even noticed the difference. That's how good I am.'

Galen wished he knew what to do for the best. Instinct said to kill the murdering bitch, but she was Zax's mother, even if she was mad.

'Why should audiences love you when you treat them with such contempt?' said Zax, every word an effort. 'You can change your form but not your mind - and it's that they reject. You need help.'

'You're just the same!' she said with loathing. 'Prating on about matters as far above you as the stars. Well, no more!'

'No,' said Zax, in the same quiet voice. 'It's over.' He approached the platform.

' _Over_? It hasn't even begun. How I hated you. Twelve months you cost me in total. Can you imagine what that imprisonment felt like? And your father was _glad_! I should have killed him then - and you, because it was obvious you were no shape-changer. Which meant I had to endure being trapped in one body again - for there must be a child to carry on my line. I kept putting it off because it's hard, so hard, to be trapped in one body. And it took so long to find someone with any power. All for nothing, ' she mourned, hugging herself, 'that brat as useless as you were.'

'What's going on? What are you saying? I don't understand,' complained Ina. She rose unsteadily to her feet, one hand pressed to the cut at the back of her head. 'You're not his father, I would know, you would have told me.'

'Don't you understand anything! I'm his mother!'

'B-but you can't be,' said Ina reasonably. 'We've shared everything with one another. Everything!'

'Share, with you? Are you mad? When I take another mate, which I'll have to because my line must continue, it will be a magician, not some third-rate singer!'

'But you need me! You said you needed me!' cried Ina, her voice shaking.

'I needed someone to cook and clean and steal for me. Someone to warm my bed and mend my clothes. What else are you good for? How could _you_ understand what it means to be great?'

Her dark, hungry eyes never leaving the shape-changer, Ina shook her head. 'All this time. Hungry, hounded from one place to the next when your audiences turned on you, accepting your infidelities, the times you left me. I endured it all because I loved you. I thought you loved me. But all the time you were using... I gave you my soul and you gave me nothing. _Nothing_!' she screamed, launching herself at the shape-changer, the knife in her hand as she struck out.

The blade bit deep as the shape-changer swung around to meet the threat, inadvertently easing the blade's progress. 'What have you done?' she gasped, disbelief overtaking arrogance. Already falling, she lashed out at Ina. While her blow missed, it dislodged the pot of rice bubbling on the small stove. Shrieking as she tried to avoid the scalding contents, Ina leapt backwards, only to fall off the edge of the platform.

Zax reached her first, then looked up from where he knelt, his eyes wide with shock. 'I think... Galen, I think she's dead.'

Galen checked. 'She is.' He relieved Zax of her slight weight and returned her to the floor, one hand gently cradling the betraying loll of her head.

'How can she be? She can't have fallen more than five feet.'

'She had no chance to save herself in the fall and landed awkwardly. Her neck's broken.'

Zax turned to stare to where the shape-changer lay, the body had stopped twitching. 'Even in death she destroys. Ina didn't deserve this.'

Galen pulled himself up onto the platform in one flowing movement, determined that this time there would be no mistake. Examining the shape-changer, he looked up with open relief.

'He - she - is dead. While it was probably a fluke, the blade went into her heart.'

Zax just stood there, numb.

'I'm going to call out M7619 to confirm it,' said Galen. 'I don't want there to be any mistake.'

His expression unreadable as he continued to stare at the body of his mother, Zax said: 'If there was a mistake, it happened when I was born.'

One hand on Zax's shoulder while he tracked down M7619 on his call-note, Galen traced him to one of the refugee camps. He briefly set out the facts, frowning when he heard no air cars would be available in the foreseeable future because there had been an outbreak of cholera, which was stretching medical resources to their limits.

'I can spare fifteen minutes at most,' said M7619 briskly, 'and then only because it concerns the shape-changer.'

The obvious solution would be to ask Zax to transfer M7619. Uncertain if Zax was capable of that much focus right now, Galen had no wish to put him in a position where he would have to admit as much.

'I'll see if one can be spared from here. I'll stay with the body until a medic arrives,' Galen told M7619. 'We need to be certain the shape-changer is dead.'

Zax had seemed oblivious to the conversation until he took the call-note from Galen's hand. 'It's Zax. Would it help if I collected you and took you back? Where are you? I'll need a detailed description. Any space will do. A toilet cubicle if there's nowhere else private. Yes, that's good enough for me to find you. I'll be there in a moment.' He cut communication and returned the call-note to Galen.

'You can't want to - '

'My wishes haven't had any bearing on what's happened so far, why should the rest of the night be any different? For everyone's peace of mind we need to be certain that...' there was a perceptible pause 'my mother is dead. Don't look so worried,' said Zax in the same colourless voice, 'I'm not about to have hysterics. There's been enough emotion for one night.'

A moment later he was gone.

Galen stared at the space Zax had occupied before he returned to the dead shape-changer. As he moved through the clutter of belongings a glint of something familiar caught his eye, it was the medallion Zax had given to Sax. Galen lifted it by its heavy chain and wondered how it had come into the shape-changer's possession, and whether it was connected to the change in Sax. He tried not to leap to the most obvious conclusion as he tucked the medallion and chain in an inner pocket, feeling the weight drag the fabric down.

Uneasy with his back to the shape-changer, Galen swivelled round to face her and froze, a primitive dread raising the hair on the back of his neck. Instead of a pretty woman in her twenties, the sprawled figure had reverted to that of the woman they had seen in the market place. He rose from his defensive crouch, his knife in his hand like an extension of himself, but could not bring himself to approach the body. His tension eased when he saw no signs of life beyond the fact it was not the same body.

He perched on a broken crate and wondered bleakly what affect her revelations would have on her son, whose mother had murdered his father. She'd been a woman whose life had been a monument to hatred, envy and spite. And who had hated Zax just because he wasn't a shape-changer. Somewhere Zax had a half-brother or sister. Though at least they weren't a shape-changer... 

Roused from his abstraction by the sound of voices, he looked up to see Zax and M7619 moving from Ina's side. Zax had placed his cloak over her, the body looked pathetically small.

Zax paused when he saw the alteration in the shape-changer's appearance, but he said nothing.

M7619 treble-checked his readings. 'There will be no resurrections, life is extinct.'

Galen released breath he had not been conscious of holding. 'While Zax was gone she... This isn't the body she died with,' he said baldly.

'No,' said Zax, 'but I think it's hers - as she really was. I wonder she could remember,' he added bitterly.

M7619 crouched down to recheck his findings. 'Life is extinct. There is no brain activity. While I know nothing of shape-changers, any alteration to the physical form must have been controlled by the brain. When that control is absent, the body will resume its natural state, as has happened here. This woman was Bevis the shape-changer?'

'And my mother. She chose not to acknowledge the relationship until today,' said Zax in the same passionless voice, neither avoiding or trying to look at the shape-changer.

M7619 studied him, understanding the reason for the change in Zax's manner which had so worried him when Zax arrived in the camp. 'That was her loss,' he said, surprising Zax into looking up. 'You have made your own destiny, as she chose hers. Galen, if I may borrow your call-note I will ascertain if it is possible for a cremation detail to collect the bodies immediately.'

'Where's the need for haste, she can't do any more harm?' Zax's voice was biting.

'When the news of her death becomes public knowledge, and it will be known already - conversations on call-notes are notoriously easy to monitor - the curious and the greedy will flock here. Even in China we have those unscrupulous enough to... I see no merit in allowing her body to become available for sale or research.'

'I'll organise it,' said Galen.

He was unable to keep his word because all the local cremation details had been seconded to the camps.

'The wisest course of action might be for Zax to transport the bodies to the camp,' said M7619.

The silence lasted for some time.

'Of course.' Zax looked as if he was about to be sick. Wanting to get the ghoulish task over with, he turned from the living to the dead, trying to focus only on what needed to be done.

Galen battened down his protective impulse to go to him, knowing he could not help Zax in this.

After several minutes, during which M7619 had begun to fidget, Zax shook his head. 'I can't do it. I can't find a way to... I can't do it.' While his distress was controlled, it was unmistakable.

'You don't need to. I'll see to everything. There'll be nothing left for the curious to find, I'll fire the place myself. Take M7619 back to the camp, he's needed there,' Galen added, resisting the urge to say everything he wanted to because Zax looked so... It was then that he admitted how worried he was.

'Don't do anything until I get back. I won't be long,' said Zax.

'Be careful,' said Galen, because he couldn't help himself.

Zax turned to M7619 with a poor approximation of a smile, still shaken after his attempt to transport the two bodies. 'I'll get you there in one piece.'

Yet to regard this unorthodox mode of travel with equanimity, M7619 hoped his smile concealed his trepidation. 'Galen, when you have finished here I would appreciate your assistance in finding us help. F3197 and Hector are able enough but they lack your ruthless charm. We are experiencing great difficulty in obtaining sufficient transport.'

'I'll be your transport,' said Zax. 'Ready?'

Discovering he was back at the camp, and feeling as if his stomach was lodged somewhere in the region of his right ear, M7619 swallowed hard and leant against the solidity of the wall. 

Zax returned to the auditorium, where Galen was collecting up the wood scattered around the platform to make a pyre.

'You won't need that,' said Zax, 'you have me. Let them rest in peace. I'll fire the theatre as we leave. There'll be nothing left of it but ash within seconds. Don't worry, I'll contain it and remember to put it out. There won't be any remains. Ina, at least, deserves better than to be sold to... What's the matter, don't you trust me now you know my parentage?'

'That's enough!' said Galen, catching hold of Zax's shoulders. 'Your mother might have ruined her life but I'm damned if I'll watch you go that route. You can cut out the self-pity right now. Clear?'

Caught in that blaze of emotion, and recognising the fear for him which lay behind it, Zax rested his forehead on Galen's shoulder. After a moment he gave a weak laugh.

'Very. I knew you were going to be good for me. Sorry. We must leave. They need you and I can make myself useful for once.'

As he lost his awareness of the auditorium Galen heard a roar and flinched from the intense heat. He opened his eyes to see a small, noisome toilet cubicle. Unconvinced that his stomach had travelled with him, he gave Zax a questioning look.

'Don't complain, M7619's journey was worse. The fire's out, the theatre and everything in it is gone. There'll be no more hauntings.'

Galen wished he could be certain of that. He cupped the side of Zax's face but before he could say anything they heard M7619's voice approaching and the moment was lost.

Ten minutes later Zax had left to begin ferrying vital supplies into the camp, while Galen set about creating order from the organisational chaos.


	31. Chapter 31

THIRTY ONE

 

Finally satisfied that there was little more he could do, unless the medics needed another orderly, Galen went off to locate Zax, having discovered they could hitch a ride home on an air car in a hour. His progress was slow but he was satisfied with what he saw. The hellish conditions which had met his eyes on arrival had been eradicated thanks to the influx of supplies and medical personnel. Relieved to see he had over-estimated the likely death toll by a large per cent, he rounded a corridor, now free of the sick, and almost fell over M7619's sprawled legs. The medic was sipping from a steaming tin cup, his face almost grey with exhaustion, but his expression was tranquil.

'That wouldn't be coffee, would it?' Galen slid down the wall to sit beside him.

'You are the eternal optimist. I am not sure what it is supposed to be but it is hot. Here.'

Galen took a few mouthfuls. 'No, it's certainly not coffee,' he agreed, returning the cup. 'You're looking remarkably pleased with yourself for a man with a crisis on his hands.'

'With good cause. It is no longer a crisis. No new cases have been reported for the last four hours. Over ninety per cent of those in our care are already responding to treatment. Thanks to Zax we have supplies of drugs and equipment in quantities which seemed impossible to hope for yesterday. Not to mention medical personnel, although I will not pretend they enjoyed their mode of transport.'

'So much for preserving his anonymity,' growled Galen.

'His hair was powered grey, his body padded and his eyes concealed by dark spectacles. He did not speak. Credit me with some sense. I would never betray him.'

'Not intentionally.'

'It is a risk Zax was prepared to take.'

'No surprise there,' muttered Galen. He eyed the older man, yet again admiring his dedication and stamina. 'If everything is going so well, what are you still doing on duty? You need sleep.'

'I came off-duty thirty minutes ago. I will sleep later. Thank you for all you have done.'

'You're welcome. Particularly now I know I won't be needed as an orderly. I'm knackered,' admitted Galen frankly. 'Do you know where Zax is, only I've found us a lift home - well, to the market anyway?'

'He is helping in the ward behind me.'

Galen pushed himself to his feet. 'I'll get him. He must be ready to drop.'

'Not exactly.'

'He's all right?' said Galen sharply.

'Calm yourself, and come and see.' M7619 accepted Galen's assistance to rise.

'Hasn't he done enough for you today?' 

'We are not the only ones benefiting from what he is doing. See for yourself. But do not, I beg of you, disturb him, or draw attention to what he is doing.' M7619 pointed down the dimly lit ward packed with mattresses, to an area where each makeshift bed was curtained off from its neighbour.

From where they stood Galen could see Zax sitting beside a man who held a waxy-faced toddler in his arms. As he spoke quietly to the man, Zax brushed the child's jaw line with his finger tip.

'What the hell's he doing?' hissed Galen in a furious undertone.

'Wait,' murmured M7619. 'He possesses a wondrous gift. I have watched him with two other children.'

Deaf to the sounds of those around them, Galen curbed his impatience. At first he was not sure if the change he saw in the child was his imagination, the light was poor and they were some distance away. The man's smile confirmed his suspicions.

His face set with displeasure, Galen all but dragged M7619 back into the hall. 'He nearly killed himself keeping me alive. I saw the improvement in that kid just now, he's doing it again!'

'Keep your voice down, unless you wish to share that fact with the ward. I understand the reason for your concern. Zax is a generous individual who finds it easier to give than to take. While I do not pretend to understand him, I believe he needs to be allowed to do this - as much for his own sake as for those children, who would otherwise die.'

As the sense of what he was being told sank in, Galen gave a grudging nod. 'Perhaps. He'll need to create after the destruction he saw last night.'

'The shape-changer?'

'Who else?' Galen changed position so he could see Zax again. 'You can't tell me this isn't draining him.'

'A little. Which is why I am still here rather than in my bed. I will stay until it is time for him to stop. I am not wholly without principles,' M7619 added dryly.

'I wasn't accusing you of - '

'Only by implication. But Zax, too, is a patient of mine. I am monitoring his life readings and will ensure he comes to no harm. He is not doing for those children what he did for you. He could not, his resources of energy are almost expended.'

'So he _is_ giving them his life force!'

'He is giving enough to sustain the life of a toddler for a few hours, by which time our drugs have the chance to do their work. Watch,' said M7619.

The gap in a curtain enabled them to watch Zax enter a cubicle housing an emaciated woman, the listless toddler in her arms staring with huge, incurious eyes into the middle distance, its head seeming too big for its stick-like arms and distended belly. Zax refilled the water container and crouched at the woman's side, his expression tender as he stroked the child's cheek. The child gave a tiny, contented-sounding snort and fell asleep, its thumb sliding into its mouth. Her face mirroring her delighted disbelief, the woman smiled and kissed the top of the child's head, her head bowing over it as she rocked them both, oblivious to the man at her side.

Zax rose stiffly to his feet, collected the water filler and left as unobtrusively as he had arrived. For all his evident fatigue, Galen could see a new serenity in him, replacing the dreadful bleakness of the previous night.

'Now do you understand?' murmured M7619.

Galen shook his head. 'No, but I won't stop him. Why are they the only beds curtained off?'

M7619's mouth gave a wry twist. 'These are far from being the only children near death in the camp tonight. Would you ask a parent to watch its child die while the one next to them is being saved?'

Galen grimaced. 'I wasn't thinking,' he said apologetically, reminded yet again of the terrible choices medics faced every day. 'These people don't know who Zax is?'

'They are too ill to care. Why should they associate the visit of an orderly with the fact their child still lives?'

A call-note beeped.

'Is that yours or mine?' asked Galen, patting various pockets.

'Yours.' M7619 found it for him.

It was the driver of the air car reminding Galen that he would be leaving in ten minutes.

'Go,' said M7619. 'I will tell Zax you have gone home. He will need food and sleep soon, I will ensure he gets both. I trust this meets with your approval?' he added with a quizzical smile.

'It does. Thank you,' said Galen with gratitude.

'Then go.'

Because he knew he had reached the level of fatigue where he would be more of a hindrance than a help, Galen went.

 

After six hours sleep and the meal Bob cooked for him, Galen was sufficiently revived to bring the troupe up-to-date. Patient with their interruptions and exclamations, he answered their questions as best he could.

'Where's Zax?' asked Sax.

'Oh, hello. I didn't notice you amongst the others. He's still in the camp. Sleeping, I hope. He was working when I left.' Galen chose not to mention at what, he trusted Sax, but not that much. 'I'd better find out if they want me back.'

'I forgot,' said Bob. 'Shula called just before you woke up to say everything's under control and that Zax was fine but asleep.'

'How bad were things?' asked Monica. 'When we heard they were short-staffed we tried to find some transport after the show but it was impossible. M9111 had already taken Zax's air car and there were not any air trolleys to be had for love or money.'

'Lack of transport was a problem, which is why they were so grateful for Zax's help. Conditions in the camp were unspeakable. I need to speak to the Controller. This crisis shouldn't have caught all the services on the hop.'

'At the rate people are coming into China some will 'ave to move up onto the Exterior,' said Eddy. 'It's lucky they're gearing up production in the industrial sector.'

'Luck has nothing to do with it,' Galen reminded him. 'What about the theatre?' he added, wanting to shake off memories of the camp.

'We announced it will be closed for two days. Just as well, in the circumstances. That bastard Bevis...' said Eddy.

'How did Zax take the news?' asked Bob, his face sombre.

'It's devastated him,' said Galen simply. 'I should have killed the bastard the moment we got there.'

'At least it's over now,' said Eddy.

'For us. Zax isn't going to find it so easy to forget. Hurt like that goes bone deep.'

Eddy patted Galen on the shoulder. 'Then it's lucky he's got you, isn't it.'

'Ina dead...' said Sade. 'Despite everything I can't help feeling sorry for her.'

'Try,' said Galen tartly. 'Her first words on seeing Zax were _kill him_. She meant it.' His expression sharpened when he saw Sax flinch, remembering the medallion he had found in the shape-changer's possessions. He fished in a pocket and held the medallion by its chain.

'Where d'you get that? 'S mine!' Sax darted forward to snatch it up, only to grasp thin air.

'I found it.' Galen's expression warned the troupe to keep quiet. 

'Where?'

'Can't you guess?'

'I wouldn't be askin' if I could. It's mine.'

'You mean it was. I found it amongst the shape-changer's belongings.'

Sax gave an audible swallow. 'Bevis?'

'You know another shape-changer?'

'B-but...' Sax slumped onto a chair. 'You said the shape-changer was Zax's mum. That can't be right.'

'She was a shape-changer, she could be whoever she wanted, and she obviously didn't want to be herself. Bevis was only one of the names and faces she used but all of them were feared by her audiences.'

'You're sure this shape-changer was really a woman?' checked Sax, with more than a hint of desperation.

'I'm positive.'

Sax sank deeper into his jacket, as if cold, and wiped his running nose with the back of his hand. 'Wot did this woman look like?'

'Her true appearance was that of a woman of medium build, in her fifties. She had short grey hair, grey eyes, sallow skin and was about Eddy's height. Do you know her?' Galen was already certain of the answer.

'You could say that,' said Sax dully. 'It sounds like my mum.'

Galen's glare silenced the avidly listening troupe and Bob tucked an arm around Anike to stop her from going to Sax.

'Tell us,' said Galen, gentle now.

Sax looked up with an untypical air of helplessness. 'Wot d'you want to know?'

Recognising that he was in a state of mild shock, Galen pressed him back onto his chair. 'Is there any more coffee in the pot? Thanks Bob. And honey?' He handed the mug to Sax and crouched beside him. 'I'm not accusing you of anything and you're with friends. You hadn't seen much of your mother lately?'

'I've been dodgin' her for months. Once I took up with Zax I made sure I steered clear of her.'

His skin prickling, some instinct made Galen look up to see Zax propped against the closed door. Before Galen could react, Zax shook his head, held his finger to his lips and gestured for Galen to continue.

'Why then especially?' Galen struggled to concentrate on the boy rather than Zax.

'I was afraid,' muttered Sax, taking another gulp of coffee.

'Of Zax?' said Galen incredulously.

'And her. Once she knew I could do stuff that other people can't, she never let up. I tried to do more just to get her off my back but I couldn't. She scared me,' Sax admitted gruffly. 'Even before she started on at me to try shape-changing.'

'She was a shape-changer?'

Braced for fury, Sax saw only understanding on Galen's face. 'Yeah. She never said, mind, but I saw her come out of it once, when she didn't know I was there. I thought I was goin' crazy because I'd never heard of anyone bein' able to do that. I never mentioned it to her. Didn't want to hear what she'd say.'

'Why didn't you tell one of us?' asked Galen gently.

'I couldn't! Zax was already havin' trouble with Bevis. Besides, it's not the sort of thing you announce, is it? No one wants a shape-changer in the family.'

'You must have been worried sick. Anyone would be. Did you ever try to shape-change?'

'No! And I ain't goin' to try for Zax, you or anyone else.'

'You've got more sense than I credited you with. Did you ever meet Bevis?'

'I tried, after Zax turned me down. I was desperate to learn and I'd heard about this magician. It took ages to track down Bevis. I never met him. His bird took me money, then got me thrown out. The thing is, I recognised her. She'd travelled in the same group as me and mum. She and mum were lovers. I'd never seen Bevis with her, just mum. I didn't want to think about it more than that. Didn't want to admit that mum had a price on her head in every Sector we'd visited for being a notorious shape-changer.' Sax shook his head and fell silent.

'You were right. Bevis and your mother were the same person. No one chooses their parents. Hell, most of us don't even know who they were,' said Galen. 'How did she get the medallion, she can't have had it for long?'

'I saw her in the market in Division C two or three weeks ago. She must've lifted it then because I missed it soon after. I know I should've said something but what if Zax thought I'd flogged it? Or worse, that I'd given it to her? Look,' Sax pleaded, looking small, anxious and very unlike himself, 'does he 'ave to know all this?'

'Why shouldn't he?' asked Galen in honest surprise. 'He won't blame you.'

''Course he will. Anyone would. He's never wanted me around, I know that, but recently we've been getting on really well - though I know I wind 'im up something rotten sometimes. If he finds out mum was the one who knifed you I'll be out on my ear. At best.'

'I'm sorry I've given you cause to trust me so little,' said Zax quietly, his entry into the conversation making even Galen jump.

When Sax saw how close Zax was standing to him, he flinched.

'You think I would hurt you?' Zax had already stepped back, his expression stricken.

'You're not mad with me,' Sax recognised.

'Of course I'm not,' Zax said, sinking onto the chair Sade vacated for him. 'Nothing that's happened is your fault.'

'You aren't goin' to kick me out then?'

'No.' Zax tried to project reassurance. 'I didn't realise I was so terrifying.' Something in his voice made Sax shoot him a glance, then look again. 'You ain't,' he muttered, realising he had hurt Zax without understanding how.

'You should have been able to come to me about this, and you couldn't. I'll leave so you can talk to Galen and the others.' Zax pushed himself to his feet, aware that Galen had seen what he should have done, and that Galen had cared where he hadn't. He knew all too well what Sax's life with their mother must have been like.

'Don't be daft, sit before you fall down. I just didn't want you believing I'd...' Sax shrugged and had a thoughtful scratch. 'You mean it, about this bein' my home?'

'I haven't asked for my keys back, have I?' said Zax.

'I thought you'd forgot. Galen said the shape-changer was your mum, but I don't see how that can be because she was mine, too.'

'A woman can have more than one child.' Anike's worried gaze alternated between sorcerer and apprentice, both of whom looked to be in need of some loving care.

'I know, but Zax is years older than me.'

'About twenty, I'd say,' said Zax, feeling every one of them and more. 'But we're half-brothers for all that I'm old enough to be your father. We have the same mother but different fathers.'

'How d'you know we ain't got the same old man?'

'Because my father was dead before I was your age,' Zax said. Now didn't seem the time to burden Sax with the fact their mother was a murderer.

'Oh. Us bein' half-brothers. Will it make a difference?'

'Of course,' said Zax. 'It means you're family, and therefore my responsibility.'

'You don't owe me nothing,' said Sax, very much on his dignity.

'It works both ways,' Zax pointed out, 'and I can be _very_ demanding.'

That won a faint grin. 'I hadn't thought of it that way. Though I'm blowed if I can see what I can do for you, except to leave you in peace. Can I stay then?' 

'After all the hard work I've put in with you I'd be bloody annoyed if you didn't. I'd miss you too.'

Pink with pleasure, Sax gave a ferocious scowl to counter-act any possible sentiment. 'Bein' up here's been the best time of my life,' he said in a rush, as if regretting that confidence. 'I'm starvin',' he added.

'Then go and eat. This is your home now. You can do whatever you like here,' said Galen, knowing the troupe would take care of Sax.

'Within reason,' added Zax.

Sax gave another faint grin, finding that caveat more reassuring than anything else that had been said. 'Ta.' He paused at the door. 'I suppose it really was her? Mum, I mean?'

Galen could remember how it felt to be thirteen years old and alone in a hostile world and he could think of nothing to say. The troupe seemed to be similarly afflicted.

'I'm sorry, yes, it really was,' confirmed Zax. 'If anyone has an old negative I can create a picture of the shape-changer who died, who we know performed as Bevis, and who convinced me she was the woman who gave me birth. If you see a picture you won't keep wondering.'

'I traded for some last week,' said Eddy. 'Back in a minute.'

Taruna crouched beside Zax. 'Can't this wait until you've had some sleep, you look awful?'

'Too kind. Will you keep an eye on him?' he added quietly. He did not need to explain who he meant.

'We'll probably fuss him to death,' she said wryly. 'Bevis - she must have been crazy. Two lovely sons and she still wasn't happy.' She went off without noticing Zax flinch at the reminder.

Eddy brushed past Sax to hand over the negative.

'Thanks.' His eyes narrowed, Zax concentrated on creating the image of his mother.

'Listen, kid, me and the others could do with a meal ourselves,' Eddy said to Sax. 'We'll get started on the preparations, come and give us a hand when you're finished here. Mind, you'll be expected to help with the washing up,' he warned.

Intent on watching Zax, Sax gave an absent nod as the troupe left the room.

Zax studied the coloured image that was forming, his expression bleak as he looked his mother. The act having drained him of strength he could ill-afford, his hand was shaking when he held out the negative. 'It's accurate.'

'It's mum,' Sax said, a wobble in his voice. 'I know she was difficult but I got used to lookin' out for her. To knowin' she was around.'

It was outside Zax's experience of her, but he recognised pain when he heard it. As Sax's face crumpled, he wordlessly took him into a comforting embrace, rubbing the narrow back.

'I dunno why I'm bein' like this about it.' His voice hoarse, Sax slowly drew away and tried to collect the shreds of his dignity. 'I mean, she never really wanted me, she made that clear. Sorry.'

'For what?' said Zax matter of factly. 'Better to feel the way you do than the way she did.'

'There is that.' Sax carefully tucked away the negative in an inside pocket, before worrying his lower lip. 'This brother lark. What do I have to do?'

'Oh, that's easy. Listen to everything I tell you, do exactly what I tell you when I tell you, never argue with me...'

'Right,' said Sax, his face relaxing into a full-blown smile. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. 'I'm glad it weren't you that topped her,' he added, before he went after the others.

Zax exhaled softly. 'Me too, ridiculous as I know that sounds. Poor little bastard.' He glanced at Galen and pulled a face. 'I should have checked with you before I made free with your house. Is it all right if he lives here?'

'For the seventeenth time, this is your home - and the troupe's, of course. Though I suppose it's possible they might want to throw him out. It isn't as if we don't have the room. And at least _he_ does his share of the housework. Besides, we can keep an eye on him up here.'

His expression bleak, Zax rested his head on the back of the chair. 'Not me. You saw, he's terrified of me, to the point where he flinched as if he thought I'd... I've really fucked things up with him and I don't know how to put it right.'

Galen went over and kissed the top of his head. 'Then you weren't paying attention. The reason he was so terrified was because he loves you and he doesn't want you to think badly of him. You're not going to pretend you don't like him?'

Zax frowned as he tried to unscramble that sentence. 'I can't spend that much time worrying over someone and not care about them,' he said irritably, as if it was a fault. 'He should have been able to come to me.'

'When it mattered most, when he needed comfort, he did. Come to bed,' Galen coaxed.

'Because everything will look so much better after a sleep?'

One arm around him, Galen steered him to their room. 'It might.'

Zax sank onto the bed, his face bleached. 'Have I got time for a nap before the show?' 

'The theatre's closed for the next two nights. You can sleep for as long as you like.'

'That'll be a novelty.' Zax plucked ineffectually at his clothes, then looked up at Galen. 'I don't say this often enough. Well, at all, really. But I do love you. More than I know how to...' He gestured vaguely, then frowned. 'Why are you looking like that? Are you all right?'

'I'm fine,' said Galen, knowing he must be wearing a fatuous smile and not even caring. 'I just feel...loved.'

'Oh. It shouldn't be that much of a surprise,' said Zax, looking worried.

Galen kissed his upturned face. 'It wasn't. Really. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy hearing it occasionally. I love you, too.'

Zax blinked, his expression slowly softening before he rested his forehead against Galen's midriff, sighing as he felt Galen's fingers stroke the nape of his neck.

He fell asleep in under three minutes, and did not stir even when Galen eased him into bed.

 

The following morning Zax could not shake off his sense that everyone felt they had to be careful with him. Small wonder, now they knew his parentage.

After two hours of being unable to settle to anything, and all too aware of the eyes which seemed to follow him wherever he went, Zax said: 'I'm going for a walk.'

'It's snowing,' said Galen.

'Then I'll wear a coat.' Zax headed for their room and a change of clothing.

He looked up from lacing his climbing boots to see Galen, similarly attired, watching him.

'I thought I'd come with you,' said Galen.

'I'm not in the mood for soul-searching conversation right now. Or having every half-sentence picked over for its double meaning. Or to be... I'm not fit company,' Zax warned, an edge to his voice.

Galen nodded and turned to stare out at the snowflakes dancing down in a dizzying array.

Zax shrugged into a heavy coat and went over to him. 'Come if you must,' he said without enthusiasm.

Galen dragged on a quilted coat and headed for the door before Zax could change his mind.

 

His breath hanging whitely in the air, Zax was oblivious to the man at his side. He stood on a rocky outcrop looking at the view spread out before him. The two sets of tracks behind them betrayed how far they had tramped over virgin snow, taking the easier route up into the hills because the few wet inches of snow had made the going treacherous. With the warmth generated by their exertions fading, the wind bit through their clothing in this exposed spot, stinging the face and making the eyes and nose run.

Zax wiped the former and gave a determined sniff, watching a bird of prey until the moment it swooped from sight, only to rise again a short time later, having failed to make its kill. The hare would live, the bird go hungry.

'I don't know whether to feel glad or not,' he murmured.

'About Bevis?' said Galen with caution, the small drama having escaped his notice.

Zax flinched. 'No,' he said colourlessly, 'not him - her. _Fuck it_!' Springing to his feet, he set off again at a dangerously fast pace.

His expression troubled, it was a moment before Galen thought to set off after him.

 

'I warned you I wouldn't be good company,' said Zax, two hours later.

'I don't need entertaining,' said Galen with care, wondering where Zax had found the reserve of energy for the pace he had set.

'I wish you wouldn't worry about me so much. This silent solicitude's making me irritable. I'm fine.'

'Are you?'

Unable to sustain that direct blue gaze, Zax chose to study the snow-covered track. 'I don't know. I don't even know who I am any more. Or what,' he added bitterly.

'You're the same man you were three days ago.'

'No,' said Zax flatly, 'I'm really not.'

'Feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to help,' snapped Galen, frustrated by his inability to put things right.

'That the best you can offer, is it? Oh, shit, I didn't mean that,' Zax added tiredly. He caught hold of Galen's gloved hand. 'Let's go home, you look cold.'

Galen nodded and a moment later they were back in their room. 'You shouldn't be wasting your energy on transfers yet,' he said, worried.

'I'll make it up easily enough,' dismissed Zax. Boots removed, he peeled off his coat, jacket and shirt, a button from his trousers bouncing on the floorboards.

'You could do with some more sleep,' said Galen, misinterpreting his mood.

'After we've fucked.'

Busy removing his outer layer of clothing, Galen's fingers stilled. Zax was hard already, his too bright eyes restless, his shoulders hunched, as if expecting rejection. Galen pushed aside his doubts about the wisdom of this and continued to undress.

'After we've fucked,' he agreed, hiding his lack of enthusiasm.

Zax pushed Galen's cold fingers aside and dealt efficiently with fasteners and zips, until Galen was naked.

'Your skin's like ice,' said Zax.

Instead of the physical embrace Galen had hoped for, a different kind of warmth swirled around him as he was caressed by warm eddies of air. He glanced at Zax. 'What's doing that?'

'Air currents. You see, I have my uses after all.' There was a shocking bitterness in Zax's voice, that gave the lie to his empty smile.

'I never doubted it.'

'At least you're warmer,' discovered Zax, sliding his hands over Galen's torso before he drew him close, his hands splayed over Galen's buttocks. He sucked and nipped at Galen's throat, worrying the great, life-giving artery. 'I want to fuck you.'

'You don't need to ask.'

'Yes, I think I do.'

Disconcerted, Galen said: 'In that case, yes, go ahead. This is very formal,' he joked, trying to reach through this strange mood.

'It's also a mistake,' said Zax, pulling away. 'I'm really not fit company. Let's - '

' - fuck,' said Galen, ignoring the warning glitter in Zax's eyes.

He knew enough to recognise that Zax wanted a mindless respite from the thoughts haunting him; he would welcome one himself. He lounged back against the pillows, thighs sprawled as he coaxed himself erect, his eyes never leaving his lover. By the time he stopped his breathing was ragged, his prick bobbing with each inhalation.

His eyes heavy with need, Zax swallowed audibly. 'Don't stop.'

'I thought you might like to take over from here.'

For a moment Zax hesitated, before stalking him.

Aware this was not a time for prolonged foreplay, his own arousal a dragging ache, Galen turned, presenting himself, only then remembering that he did not know where the oil was.

'Yesss.'

That sibilant hiss was followed by the mattress dipping before Zax's hands slid possessively down his back, before they grasped his buttocks. Teeth stung where they nipped and Galen shivered, groaning when a saliva slick tongue prodded his anus.

'Do it,' he said raspingly. 'Do it now.'

He expected discomfort, in no mood to care, but the burn when Zax entered him without further preliminaries, burying himself hilt deep in one powerful thrust, made Galen's eyes shoot open, a choked sound escaping him. His shoulders pressed to the mattress, mouth and nose half-blocked by the pillow, he was trapped by the relentless rhythm Zax established. The drag and burn made his hands clench on the bedding as he willed it to be over.

The only sounds were of harsh breathing and the slap of flesh on flesh, Zax mute even when he came. Galen sagged, the sweat cold on his back by the time Zax withdrew.

His eyes still glittering, Zax lay sprawled on his back, his expression remote. Not understanding the cause of his anger, he cared little, allowing the emotion dominance as his own breathing quietened.

'Well, that was as joyless a fuck as we've ever had,' he said at last. 'You were awake, I hope?'

'I was awake,' said Galen, unwilling to move much yet. His skin prickled with an unease he was at a loss to understand.

Zax sat up and rubbed his sore prick, his fingers tightening painfully as the horrified realisation of what he had done swept over him. Blood thumping in his ears, he knelt beside Galen, his hands gentle as he tried to discover the extent of Galen's hurts. Moving like an automaton, he left to get soap, water, sponge, towel and antiseptic from the bathroom.

Galen heard him come back into the room and wanted to say something but found it was an effort that was beyond him at the moment.

For all Zax's care in tending the sore places, the smart of the antiseptic cream made Galen flinch and gasp. All movement stopped, then the hand not slick with cream cupped the back of his neck, rubbing soothingly. Zax was silent, as if he, too, found speech beyond him.

As the sense of raw discomfort faded, Galen sighed with relief. There were more sounds of movement behind him before slick hands began to work on him, easing out the knotted muscles of his shoulders and back in a slow, unhurried massage under whose influence Galen came close to sleep. His eyes flicked open when he felt the bedcovers settle over him and he turned his head, waiting for Zax to get in beside him. Instead he heard Zax go into the bathroom. There was the sound of running water, of hands being washed, then nothing.

After a few minutes Galen realised he was straining to hear some indication of what Zax might be doing until he could stand the quiet no longer. He left the bed, movement less uncomfortable than he had anticipated, and padded into the bathroom, wishing that Zax had not been so liberal with the cream. Braced to find himself abandoned and the room empty, he stopped on the threshold.

Zax stood facing the sink, a study in still-life. Hands clenched over the rim of the basin, his head was bowed as if in thought; only the tense lines of his spine betrayed his mood.

'I missed you. Come back to bed,' coaxed Galen. For a moment he thought he would gain no response.

One of Zax's arms began to shake from the pressure he was exerting. He straightened and released his grip on unyielding porcelain to lace his hands in his hair, as if he did not know what else to do with them. In the mirror his face seemed drained of colour and somehow unfamiliar.

'I knew it would be a mistake,' Zax said, in a hard, flat voice. 'I was angry and I knew I could hurt you but I thought I could be... I think too much.'

Galen slid his arms around him and rested his forehead against the nape of Zax's exposed neck. 'I wanted it,' he reminded him.

'I hurt you.'

Galen closed his eyes against the misery in those three words. 'A little,' he admitted. 'But this hurts me far more.' From the tensing of the flesh he was pressed against he knew he had been heard. 'I was afraid you might have left, you see. I know you need space, that you prefer to be alone when you're hurting. I've seen the effort you make for my sake when you see that same need makes me nervous. You're making it now. Go, if you must but... Come back to me?'

Zax took a dragging breath, then another, before he slumped back against the offered support. Lowering his arms, he covered Galen's hands with his own, raised one to his mouth and kissed the palm before turning to face Galen, no longer afraid of what he would see on his face.

'You're cold again, as I am. Come to bed. We can warm each other,' he murmured, not trusting himself to say more. He realised he had never understood what freedom was until he saw Galen's smile.

 

Galen started awake to find Zax sitting on the bed next to him, an empty coffee mug forgotten in one hand while he watched him.

'I hope you saved me some.' Galen gave a cautious stretch, gratified to feel only the faintest twinge of protest.

'It will be cold. I'll make some more. It never tastes the same if I reheat it.' Unsmiling and underslept, there were shadows under Zax's eyes as well as in them, his unspoken question hanging in the air.

Galen ignored it and relieved him of the mug. 'No rush. Come back to bed for a while, you look cold.'

'It is cold,' said Zax, as if only just becoming aware of the fact.

Galen drew him under the covers and cuddled close. 'What time is it?'

'I'm not sure. The sun's up. It's snowing again.'

'So it is,' noticed Galen, without much interest. 'The perfect excuse to stay in bed. Have you been awake long?'

'I didn't sleep.'

'Mmn, that feels great,' said Galen, as Zax gently explored his aching back. 'Oh, yeah, a bit lower. Perfect.' He rolled fully onto his belly, tucked one arm under the pillow, and encouraged the caressing massage to continue. His purring contentment changed to a mumbling protest as cooler air flooded over his exposed body.

'Only for a moment.' Zax was achingly conscious of the terrible vulnerability of the powerful body spread out so trustingly, from where the dark hair curled at the nape of the neck, down the long, powerful muscles of the shoulders and back, to the taut, curved mounds of the parted buttocks, the creamy skin bearing the imprint of his hands.

While Zax took great care while examining him, his fingers were both cold and intrusive. Galen did not suffer the indignity in silence, his complaints stopping only when he heard Zax's shaky sigh of relief and felt the final caress-pat.

'Satisfied?' demanded Galen crossly.

Zax nodded but avoided his eyes.

'I should bloody well think so. You could have just asked. Your hands were like ice.' Galen stalked off to the bathroom and closed the door behind him with a distinct snap.

Galen emerged fifteen minutes later showered, shaved and partially dressed to see a sealed flask of coffee at the bedside and a tense looking Zax propped against the wall, his legs crossed at the ankles, his arms defensively folded.

'Don't even ask,' warned Galen, only half-joking.

'Do you need to see a medic?' Zax's voice was tight with tension.

'I sometimes wonder why I waste my breath. Watch my lips. I'm fine. Come and have some coffee.'

Zax pushed himself away from the wall and clasped Galen's wrist, rubbing the blue-veined inner flesh with the side of his thumb. 'I...' His voice husky, he stopped, looking all eyes and unsteady mouth. His hands were still icy. 

Delayed shock, realised Galen. 'Oh, come here, you bloody fool,' he said in loving exasperation. 'No need to make such a drama out of it. If our positions were reversed you'd be making my life hell for being such an idiot. Because I'm infinitely superior to you, I'm not doing that. But it's a near thing.' He hugged Zax close, rubbing up and down his back and kissing what little of his face that was not hidden against him. 'Sit down and have some hot coffee. I know you're confused and angry and hurt... And that the last thing you want to do is talk about any of it. But it might help.'

Slumped in an armchair, Zax avoided his gaze. 'It wouldn't.'

'Not even to talk about how your mother murdered your father?'

The tension in the room rachetted up until Galen was willing to swear he could feel static electricity. Little by little the ice in Zax's gaze melted.

'My sweet mother? What is there to say? I loved my father so much and she made me afraid of him, made me believe he'd sold me!' Zax propelled himself out of the chair; pacing the room, he was visibly twitching with energy. 'She took away my security, the fun, the _love_. And it's not just me, is it? The more I think of what she did to you, to Sax, even to poor Ina. And for what? To waste her life and cause so much pain because she couldn't fucking well read an audience?' He stopped in his tracks, his hands gesturing helplessly. 'I want to... I want satisfaction, and I can't ever have it. D'you understand?'

'Trust yourself to let the anger go.'

'I daren't,' confessed Zax, rubbing a hand over his face. 'I'm too afraid of what I might do. Who I might hurt. As if I haven't already hurt you. And don't make excuses for me.'

Galen just sat there, waiting him out.

The silence seemed to last a very long time before Zax started moving again.

'I haven't felt this helpless since she sold me to...' His restless gaze travelled around the room before settling on Galen again. 'I hoped exhaustion might do the trick. But it didn't, and you suffered the fall-out. And I am so sorry for being such a selfish bastard that...'

'Let it go,' said Galen gently, taking one of the clenched hands in his own. 'That's not an issue here. As for what she did. Anyone would be angry.'

'But I'm not anyone. At the moment I have to think twice before I so much as flick away a cigarette. I know it's pointless to brood over what I can't change but... _I can't let it go._ ' 

'You need a way to channel all this aggression bottled up inside you,' mused Galen, suspecting this anger masked the grievous wounds the shape-changer had inflicted.

'Tell me about it,' said Zax sardonically. 'If those hours at the camp weren't enough, nothing will be. I'm a danger to everyone at the moment because... _I want blood_.' There was a fierce, predatory look to him, the very air around him seeming to crackle.

It was as sexy as hell.

Overly conscious of the heavy beat of his pulse, Galen stared into that stormy, brooding face and wanted him, now. He fidgeted, trying to ease the pressure on his constricted sex, and saw his own need reflected back at him on Zax's face.

He watched the rise and fall of Zax's chest, saw that his eyes were heavy with sexual heat and never knew which of them moved first.

Hands clamped on either side of Zax's head, his shoulders hunched, Galen feed from him, deep, wet noisy kisses and harsh breathing, the hard jut of Zax's sex prodding his belly.

'Zax?'

'Just do me,' he commanded, his teeth grazing Galen's shoulder.

'Oil?'

'No need.'

Galen slapped his rump once, hard.

'Oil?' he said again.

Zax visibly tried to concentrate. 'Dunno,' he said at last.

'Can't you summon it?'

'Can't guarantee what kind, and how much, oil might arrive.'

'Oh. Then let go while I find it.'

Galen glimpsed the phial of oil beside the bed and just managed to grab it, although it slipped from his hands twice thanks to Zax distracting him. They rutted over the side of the bed with a fumbling, desperate urgency, Zax bent under Galen, yelling lustily as he was taken over and over again. A callused hand wrenched climax from him, Galen was moving faster and faster his slackened mouth over Zax's neck as he came, gasping incoherently.

Gleaming with sweat, Galen lacked the breath for speech as he remained poised over him on shaking arms before subsiding next to him. Zax remained a limp sprawl beside him, staring at Galen through dazed looking eyes before he gave a wry chuckle. 

'I would ask what happened but...'

'You'd sound really stupid?' said Galen, rolling onto his side to kiss the nearest portion of Zax. As it was covered in oil he ended up spitting and wiping his mouth.

'Ah, romance...'

'Do you need seeing to?' Galen asked without much interest. 

'No point. The sheets are already ruined. You were a bit liberal with the oil though,' complained Zax as he found the energy to make them comfortable in bed. 

The covers tucked up to their chins against the cold, they sat propped against the pillows, watching the storm rage outside.

'At least I've stopped feeling as if I have an itch I can't quite scratch,' said Galen. 'I wondered if we were due for a storm, this must be it.'

'That wasn't this storm,' said Zax, rolling onto his stomach, head pillowed on his folded arms.

Galen gave him an intent look. 'What then?' He stroked away the covers and began to kiss and nuzzle his way down Zax's spine.

'I think it's me. More fall-out. But that kind of release of energy shouldn't affect you. I couldn't seem to tone it down.'

'I bet you could now,' said Galen with a trace of satisfaction. He placed a proprietorial hand over Zax's backside. There was still a faint pink mark where he had slapped him and he bent to kiss the spot, pausing to suck at the warm skin.

'I couldn't,' said Zax with regret, stroking Galen's thigh.

'Nor could I. But that's the answer to your excess energy problem,' said Galen cheerfully. 'I'll just have to shag you senseless twice a day.'

Zax gave a soft chuckle. 'It's not exactly a practical solution is it? I need to pee.'

When he emerged from the bathroom he pulled on the warmest outfit he could find. Careless of the colder air, he paused at the window to watch the blizzard which was raging; visibility was down to a few feet, the wind howling as it beat against the house, making it creak. The chaos outside seemed a reflected of his inner turmoil.

'Next time I throw a tantrum you should just clip me on the jaw,' he said, without turning. 'I'm going to put in some more time at the Medical Complex. I need to feel I'm doing something to make up for... There's been so much destruction.'

'I've got an idea. But I need to speak with the Controller first, to sort out the details. In the meantime I'll make sure you're so exhausted you barely have the energy to crawl out of bed, never mind brood. When was the last time you had a full workout?'

Zax gave him a look of dismay. 'Oh, no. That's so boring.'

'Don't whine, it's not becoming. We can take this mattress into the practice room.'

'Haven't you got anything else to do?'

'Nothing that will be as much fun as torturing you,' said Galen with truth, as he got dressed.

Despite himself, Zax gave a reluctant grin. 'Well, if you put it like that.'

'You might want to change into more comfortable trousers.'

Muttering under his breath Zax changed into a jockstrap, sweat bands and one of the soft pairs of trousers he wore for rehearsals.

'And get that hair off your face,' commanded Galen.

Zax pulled it back into a pony tail and found a piece of string with which to fasten it. 'Anything else?' he enquired sarcastically, hands propped on his hips.

Galen was surprised to feel a twinge of lust, although he could have sworn he did not have the energy. Self-discipline, that was the secret, he reminded himself as he stripped the covers off the mattress. 'Take the end.'

'Why don't I just transport it there?'

Galen gave him a hard stare.

'OK, we'll do it the your way,' said Zax in a long-suffering tone.

'It'll be easier next time,' puffed Galen, when they finally arrived in the practice room.

'Next time?'

'You'll be having regular workouts. You're as creaky as an old lady.'

'That's not what you said earlier.'

'My prick was doing the talking.'

'No change there then,' said Zax, failing to dodge a second slap to his backside. 'I don't think I could face a workout once a week.' 

'Once a day,' corrected Galen. 'Right, let's see what you can do.'

 

'You'll need to shower and eat in plenty of time before the show,' realised Galen. 'You'd better stop now.'

His workout trousers clinging to curve of his rump, sweat dripped from the tip of Zax's nose. He slid down the wall like a puppet whose strings had been severed to land on the floor with a small 'Oof,' of pain.

'If you have the energy left to glare at me like that I haven't been working you hard enough. You're a wreck. Look at me, I'm not even panting.'

'You haven't been unravelling every muscle you possess.' Zax got to his feet with a groan.

'I know.' Galen inhaled the fresh sweat scent of him as he brushed lank hair from Zax's eyes. 'But you feel better for it, don't you?' He fought the impulse to suck at the damp, salty skin.

Zax wondered if he had the strength left to flatten his torturer. 'Yes, but don't even think of saying _I told you so_.'

'All right, but I knew you would.'

Zax discovered hidden reserves of energy and used his advantage of surprise to pin Galen to the mattress. 'Unfit, huh?'

'This,' said Galen with caution, 'isn't a recognised hold.'

'It got your attention. Besides, you don't usually complain.'

'True. You've remembered that the show's due to start in an hour and a half,' said Galen, reluctant to spoil the mood.

Unsurprised, he watch the mischievous smile fade from Zax's face.


	32. Chapter 32

THIRTY TWO

 

Zax's first performance after the shape-changer's death was a lack-lustre affair. When it was over, Galen went backstage, where Zax was taking his time removing his make-up. 

'You didn't like the show,' he recognised.

'You didn't do a single trick.'

'I thought it was time for a change.' Zax took refuge in a towel but when he emerged, his face scrubbed clean, Galen was still watching him.

'You have no reason to hide, least of all from me. You'll never treat an audience the way Bevis did.'

'Who knows what I could become?'

'You've made your own life, independent of the woman who gave you birth. Her inadequacies aren't yours. Which isn't to say you don't have any.'

His smile mechanical, Zax sifted through the cluttered belongings on his table top.

 

Zax spent the following day working as an orderly in the camp again. Galen went with him, more to ensure Zax did not give too much than for any love for suffering humanity. But as he watched the strain ease from Zax's face he made no effort to interfere but simply got on with some basic cleaning while he was there.

Despite a longer than normal show, Zax was still crackling with energy when he came off stage. He checked out several acts in far flung Divisions, stopping only when he noticed how tired Galen was. Once home, he sent Galen to bed and worked out for several hours by himself.

By dawn he was so tired he could barely see straight.

'You've done too much,' said Galen sleepily, having come to find him when he had woke to find Zax's half of bed had not been slept in.

'I'll be fine by tomorrow,' said Zax, wishing he could believe that.

 

'As a prophet you make a great magician,' remarked Galen as he watched his suffering love the following morning.

Zax abandoned his attempts to pretend nothing was wrong as he emerged from the bathroom, still heavy-eyed and yet to shave.

'Want a massage?' asked Galen, taking pity on him.

Zax collapsed on the bed with a groan of gratitude.

Galen took his time, lavishing his attention on every aching muscle. His reward came when he felt the last resistance ease until Zax fell asleep under his touch. He did not stir for six hours and his dreams, if he had any, brought no distress. It had an obvious benefit but Galen knew they were only marking time. While Zax refused to mention the shape-changer unless directly questioned, and changed the subject then, Galen could think of no other way to help him.

 

Even before he opened his eyes Galen could sense Zax's mood, willing to swear he could hear energy crackling around them.

'We could hire you out as a lightning conductor,' he said sleepily.

'This is ridiculous,' burst out Zax, abandoning the pretence that he was asleep. 'At my age Is should be able to control - '

'But you can. That's the trouble. You control it too well. You need a safety valve.'

'Don't bloody patronise me! Sorry, you're not, I know. It's just... I've never felt like this in my life.'

'It's no easy thing to know someone hated you with such a consuming passion, and through no fault of your own,' said Galen, probing the forbidden subject with care.

'That's no reason to inflict my tantrums on you though, is it,' said Zax, ignoring the proffered bait. 'What's this marvellous plan you and the Controller have been so mysterious about? What do you want me to do?'

Galen took a deep breath. 'How would you feel about destroying a city?'

Zax began to smile.

'I'm serious. We've got everything worked out now. Want to hear about it?'

His jaw sagging, Zax listened with increasing interest.

 

Zax stood high above the desolate ruin of the city, which stretched out over the plain, its boundaries barely visible in the sullen light, the sky heavy with snow yet to fall.

'You really were serious,' he said.

'People are starting to want to live on the Exterior. They'll try to live in the ruins, or use material from them and the place is a death trap. When we tried to survey the area five years ago one of the team died, another two were badly injured. Since then we've been trying to devise a way of razing it to the ground without destroying the network of systems beneath it - and then of cleaning them out as well. We've been over and over the plans during the last couple of weeks, can you do it?'

The wind caught at them, whipping Zax's unfastened hair around his face. He gave no sign of noticing. 'I know the debris needs moving and decontaminating. Have they finalised the site yet?'

'Yes, it's the first one. Nothing will grow on it and it's nowhere near fertile soil or any water supply, above or below ground. We can go back if you need to study the plans again.'

'I don't,' said Zax, his gaze never leaving the jagged-edged skyline.

Galen slowly retreated out of Zax's peripheral vision. The less Zax remembered he was here, the more likely it was that he would be allowed stay. From his new position he had lost his view of the plain and so was free to concentrate on Zax's straight-backed figure as his hair and clothing continued to be whipped by the wind. Galen began to worry that he had given Zax too great a challenge when he neither moved nor spoke for what seemed a very long time. The record tapes spoke of twenty-two million people inhabiting this one city.

His nose running, Galen sniffed and fumbled for a handkerchief just as a flicker of movement caught his attention. He looked up in time to see Zax spin out of a turn, one arm outflung in a flamboyant gesture of such force that it jolted his entire body. The cacophony of sound which followed was indescribable, and mercifully short-lived, cutting off before the limit of endurance had been reached. The silence afterwards seemed shockingly loud.

Nothing happened.

There were no tremors, no dust, nothing.

Galen's anxiety increased when he realised he had lost any sense of power emanating from Zax. Unable to bear the suspense any longer, he stepped forward and looked out, hardly daring to breathe. All he saw was a vast emptiness, pocketed with dark-shadowed craters; there was nothing else to show a city had ever been there.

'It's gone,' he said blankly.

'Wasn't that what you wanted?' said Zax, amused.

'Yes, but... Bloody hell.' Unable to take his eyes from the area, Galen's brain slowly began to function again. 'Why isn't there a dust cloud?'

'It would have been more than a cloud,' said Zax, still sounding relaxed and amused. 'You don't want contaminated fall-out covering umpteen square miles of clean land. I shielded the area before I started. That's what took so long.'

'What?'

Zax tugged at his ear lobe. 'Think of a soap bubble, with the city trapped inside it. The bubble absorbed the force of the destruction - and made it easy to transfer the debris. It was the safest scheme I could think of.'

His face still paler than usual, Galen's eyes were bright with excitement. 'Bloody hell. What was that noise early on?'

'Sound effects.'

When Galen looked puzzled, Zax added: 'Once a showman and all that. The purpose of shielding is to keep everything in, which includes any noise. What you heard was histrionics. Sound effects, if you like. Combined with thirty odd years of frustration.' But Zax's eyes were as bright as Galen's, and smiling now.

'I forgot. Are you...? That is....' Floundering, Galen glared at him. 'I'm trying to find out if you're all right, damn it!'

'I'm not sure but I enjoyed it.' Zax gave a long, slow stretch, as if becoming reacquainted with his own body, then grinned down at Galen.

'Did you know you've been sitting in four inches of slush?'

'Not till you mentioned it,' said Galen wryly, only now becoming aware of quite how cold and wet he was. He got to his feet with a moue of distaste. 'I suppose there's no chance of a lift home?'

A moment later he stood in their bathroom, the shower already running.

'You had the energy left for that? See, I told you all that exercise would pay off,' he said, peeling off his clothing. 'How about expending a little more of this new energy in your performance tonight?'

Zax's smile faded and he busied himself collecting up the wet clothes. 'That's different,' he said flatly.

 

Galen and Zax saw the Controller to confirm the operation had been a total success. Once they were in bed that night, after another lack-lustre show, Galen tried to question Zax about what he had done.

'...but how did you do it?'

Tempted to throttle him, Zax sighed into the darkness. 'With energy,' he said patiently.

'We're talking about an area of ten square miles.'

'It isn't that difficult to destroy something, in fact it's all too easy. It's creating something that costs so much in energy and so it should. There's no feeling to equal the satisfaction that comes from creating even a fleeting illusion.' Zax's voice was soft with remembered wonder.

Aware that he had just been given the perfect opening, Galen sat up in bed. 'Creating is what you do best. You haven't allowed yourself to try since Bevis died. As if she ever created anything. Her way was destruction. Even today, with the city... She would never have understood what you did. You destroyed a ruined desolation and at the same time you paved the way for it to be rebuilt and given new life. You controlled every moment of every action. And your work in the Medical Complex. What's that, if not creating the chance for life for people who might not otherwise have one?

'Make something for me,' coaxed Galen, wishing it was light enough to see Zax's expression.

'Make...? You want me to create something for you?' said Zax hesitantly. 'What, a tool, another air car, what?'

'No, that's just manufacturing.'

'Well I wouldn't put it quite like that,' said Zax, miffed. 'What are you talking about?'

'I'm talking about magic, your magic. A light show, for preference.'

'Is that all?' said Zax with astonishment.

'Not that your audiences think of them that way,' said Galen, slipping his hand into Zax's. 'I've never seen anything as wonderful as what you do then. Don't you have any idea how beautiful they are?'

'I used to enjoy creating them but I thought that was just for me. If that's what you want then of course I'll give you a light show. I'll paint you a castle in the air. Would you like that?'

It was a moment before Galen remembered the meaning of the archaic illusion. 'Literally?' he checked. 'With turrets and everything?'

'You can have a dragon, too, if you want,' said Zax, sounding indulgent.

'And a drawbridge.'

'And a drawbridge,' promised a velvety voice in the darkness.

There was no music, of course, or any of the patter Zax used on stage, just silence and the beauty of what he created.

Galen sat in a spellbound silence, open wonder on his face, lost in the enchanted world being created for him in the darkness of their room. Colour and form blossomed in front of his eyes, and then Zax began to speak from the heart, the seductive drift of his voice giving the images warmth and life, enfolding him in love.

When the last image slowly faded from sight and Zax lit the room with a more prosaic glow it would have been difficult to say which of them was the most pleased with themselves. Galen's face was open and vulnerable, a man-child smiling out from his eyes. Contentment spilling from him, for the first time in days Zax looked at peace with himself.

'That was... There aren't the words to do it justice,' said Galen, his voice husky as he caught Zax in an exuberant hug. 'Thank you.'

'I enjoyed it myself. You were right, as usual,' admitted Zax with resignation.

Busy crowing with triumph, Galen was in no position to defend himself from attack, not that he resisted that hard as he was pinned to the mattress by the weight blanketing him. He ran his hands up and down the limber spine, teasing Zax's throat with his teeth.

'I'd like to say thank you for my castle properly. How would you like me?'

Zax pursed his mouth into improbably prim lines. 'Obeying my every whim would have the merit of novelty.' He mouthed Galen's shoulder, before taking a thoughtful lick. 

'I want to fuck you, as long and slow as I can manage. I want to make you gasp and whimper and when you come you'll be calling my name.'

He watched Galen's pupils expand until his eyes seemed a velvety black and he felt the pressure against his belly increase.

'Well, hello, there. That would be a yes then,' said Zax with satisfaction.

'That would be a 'Am I going to have to wait all night',' teased Galen, palming Zax's rump before lightly drumming out a tune only he could hear.

'In a hurry, are we? Oh, dear,' said Zax, all mock sorrow and untrustworthy smiles.

Galen fumbled one-handed on the bedside table and dangled a pot of salve in front of Zax's nose, watching his eyes cross as he tried to focus on it.

'Think you can remember where this goes?'

'Vaguely.'

Zax moved to kneel beside Galen, watching as Galen settled himself more comfortably, his arching prick flaunting itself shamelessly as he supported his lower back with pillows. Distracted, the first blob of salve landed in Galen's navel.

Galen peered at it and retrieved as much as he could, smearing it from his fingers to Zax's.

'You've got a terrible sense of geography,' he said severely.

Moments later they were giggling like children.

 

'I know we decided to be more careful but did you have to be quite so liberal with the salve? I thought you were going to slip out at one point,' complained Galen, slickly aware of his own body.

'Liar,' said Zax lazily, Galen's head propped on his shoulder.

'So I exaggerated a little. That was almost better than the light show.'

'I don't know whether to be insulted or not.'

'Decide later,' suggested Galen, one leg resting between Zax's sprawled thighs. 'You should bring a light show into your act more often. I'll never forget what you created tonight.' The hand stroking him slowed to a stop, Zax tensing at the unwanted reminder of his audience.

'You've been short-changing your audiences - and yourself - since Bevis' death. In fact, I bet that's half the cause of your frustration.'

'I'll say one thing for you, you certainly know how to kill a mood.' Zax slid from the bed and dragged on a floor-length woollen robe.

Galen eyed the pacing figure thoughtfully. 'What is it you fear most about your parentage?'

Zax whirled around 'Who said I was afraid?' He folded his arms, rubbed them, then began to pace again, finally prepared to admit to the fear which had been nibbling around the edges of his consciousness since he had listened to his mother's catalogue of hatred.

'Ina was right about one thing, shape-changer or magician, we share the same tainted blood. But my potential to cause harm is far greater than hers. We both saw what she did to her audience. That could be me.'

Unsurprised to hear this, Galen wrapped a blanket around himself and went to sit on the window seat. 'I've always been intrigued by the possibilities in the words "what if?"' he said, staring out of the window rather than at Zax. 'What if I decided to kill you where you sit? I could, you know.' He knew he had Zax's full attention.

'Huh!' said Zax, coming to sit beside him.

'It's all very well you snorting. Shall I list the ways I could kill someone with my bare hands? Like you I developed my skills young, only mine weren't so benign. So tell me, what's to stop me from killing you now?' He settled his right hand over the front of Zax's throat, exerting just enough pressure to make itself felt.

Irritated, Zax batted away his hand. 'Don't be ridiculous.'

'That's my Zax. You know I won't do it - that I would never do it. Why should there be one rule for me and another for you?'

'The circumstances are hardly the same. Bevis - my mother - was mentally unstable. How do we know I haven't inherited that, along with her power?'

'She said you took after your father, which ruined her grand plan to preserve her 'line', whatever that meant. The only thing you have in common with her is the fact you both have power, but it doesn't manifest itself the same way. There was nothing wrong with your father.'

'We can't be sure of that.'

'From what you've told me about your formative years he was the one who brought you up. He did a good job of it, too - you got those morals from someone. And integrity. The ability to love, to joke, to offer solace and warmth. To tease, create. He fed and clothed you, recognised your talent and stopped you from getting yourself killed by using it in public. While he may not have had your skill, he must have had something. Perhaps he was killed before he had a chance to discover its full potential. He was probably younger than you when he was murdered.'

His expression softening, Zax tucked his knees under his chin. 'I never thought of that. Since I've been an adult I tried not to think about him. How he changed. You're right. He must have been about my age when he died. When she wasn't around life was fun, or as much as it could be under the rule of Numbers and Regulators. He was the best juggler I've ever seen. That's what I remember the most. He'd work with me for hours. He enjoyed sharing his skills with anyone who wanted to learn. She was wrong about his shows. They may not have been very polished, but each performance was a small adventure because he wasn't afraid to experiment in front of an audience. He'd fail sometimes but the audience never seemed to mind. They were always smiling when they left and, most telling of all, they never asked for their money back. It's true we were never wealthy but we never starved either. And they were poor Sectors, with the Regulators wary of gatherings over ten people. He wasn't really interested in money, only in performing. He came alive then.'

'Well, that explains where you get your disdain for money from,' said Galen, privately amazed at how much Zax had opened up.

'Perhaps. I hadn't thought about it before, but I think he knew exactly what he could do. Those light flares he'd get wrong. I think that was for my benefit. To find out what I could do without having to talk about it. There were Regulator snitches everywhere. Besides, my mother would have wanted to make money from it. I thought him weak for staying with her, but he stood firm on some things.'

'You thought a lot of him.'

'I loved him,' said Zax simply. 'That's why I could never bear to remember when he changed. But he was dead, of course. She'd murdered him and assumed his identity.'

'Why should she hate you so much? It sounds as if she just ignored Sax.' It was only when he had voiced the question and seen Zax flinch that Galen realised what he had done. 'I didn't mean to...'

Zax waved him into silence. 'It's true. And I'm glad for Sax's sake, truly I am. I don't know what I did to inspire such hatred. It... It hurts,' he admitted in a low voice, picking at the side of his thumb nail.

Galen tucked an arm around him. 'That's because you've got more warmth in your little finger than she was cable of. The only thing you need to remember about your mother is that in telling you truth she gave you back the memories of your father. And that's got to be worth a lot. You're not responsible for what she became. You know you're not. That's just wallowing,' said Galen briskly.

That made Zax look up. To Galen's relief, he wore a faint smile.

'You're terrifying when you get that determined look in your eye,' said Zax affectionately.

'Only because you hate it when I'm right.'

'Not this time,' he said, looking as if he had been relieved of a heavy burden. 'I feel about twenty years younger. It must be all the exercise you're making me do.' Zax leant forward, cupped Galen's face between his hands and kissed him. 'For putting up with me,' he explained.

'You don't need an excuse to kiss me,' Galen assured him, before he gave Zax a quick glance.

'What?' said Zax with resignation.

'I was just wondering about your next show,' Galen said, not easily side-tracked.

'Get yourself a seat in the front row,' said Zax, a confidence in his manner which had been absent for several weeks.

That night Galen watched the dazzling display of light and fantasy, full of warmth and laughter, and knew that Zax was paying tribute to his dead father.

 

Sax wandered aimlessly through the corridors of the silent house, knowing everyone would be sleeping this close to dawn. He was disconcerted to find Zax propped on a recessed window seat, watching the sky lighten. Uncertain of the reception he could expect, Sax turned to leave.

'You should be asleep,' said Zax, having seen his reflection in the window.

'So should you.'

'I've already had some. I wanted to see the sun rise while I did some thinking.' His face was oddly serene in the light now beginning to flood the corridor as the sun slid up over the horizon.

'Me, too,' said Sax grudgingly. For all that it was Spring, the snows gone three weeks since, the air was cold and he shivered, wishing he had thought to put on something warmer.

'Here.' Zax held out a spare jacket, before making room for him on the seat.

'I won't be in the way?'

'I wouldn't have suggested it if I thought you would be. I've been meaning to have a word with you. I haven't seen much - anything - of you since Bevis...our mother died. Have you been avoiding me?'

This uncomfortably close to the truth, Sax paused. 'No. That is... No.'

'Then what's the trouble?' Zax's quiet voice drifted into the silence, comfortingly reminiscent of their sessions in the practice room.

Reassured by the fact Zax was looking outside, Sax gingerly sat on the far end of the window seat, hugging his legs for comfort. 'I just thought you might want a break from teaching for a while. You don't owe me anythin'.'

'Except that you're family. The Maze is no place to be alone if you have an alternative. We're that alternative.' Zax gestured vaguely.

'It's a mistake to get involved.'

'That sounds like her talking. I was stupid enough to believe her for far too long. It almost cost me everything. The mistake is in holding back from the people closest to you. Whatever she told you, she was wrong. You only have to think of Eddy to know that. And the others, of course. Besides,' added Zax flippantly, 'if you leave they'll bound to blame me and Anike's got her scary side.'

'Not with me,' said Sax, with a distinct air of one-upmanship.

Zax swooped forward, catching hold of Sax's chin to turn his face to the light. 'Where did you get that bruise? Don't make me chase you down the hallway to get an answer. Or do you think I'm going to hit you, too?' 

'Course not,' said Sax with scorn. 

'Well, that's something, I suppose. Who hit you?'

'I fell.'

'Onto someone's fist. You got caught picking another pocket. Whose?'

'A stallholder, if you must know. He would never have caught me if I hadn't tripped.'

'Why didn't you come to one of us for help?'

Sax shrugged and fidgeted.

Zax had the sense to let that pass. 'So when can I expect an irate stallholder to come knocking on my door?'

'It 'appened in Division C.'

'This has got to stop. I mean it. I'll never know if you're late because you couldn't be bothered to turn up, or if it's because you've had the shit kicked out of you.'

'They've got to catch me first,' said Sax, looking sullen.

'Someone just did. Next time you could lose a hand, or worse. You don't need to steal, you can help yourself to whatever units you need.'

'It's not the same.'

'It's not as much fun, you mean. Look, I'll make a deal with you. What do you want for giving up stealing? It's got to be something it's in my power to give you,' Zax added quickly, recognising the sparkle in Sax's eyes.

'I was afraid you'd think of that. I'll take that tool kit you made for yourself,' said Sax, a great believer in starting at the top.

'All right.'

Sax's jaw dropped. 'You didn't haggle.'

'No. Isn't it enough?'

'You can't go givin' those tools away.'

'I just have, on condition you don't steal from anyone, for any reason. Deal?'

'You need a keeper,' Sax told him severely. 'You keep 'em, I'll borrow 'em.'

'Deal?'

'You're really serious about this, aren't you? I thought you were just... You mean it.'

'Of course I mean it,' said Zax irritably. 

'You've got yourself a deal, but you're no bloody fun,' sighed Sax, feeling out-manoeuvred.

Zax grinned. 'That's been said before. How are the relaxation techniques coming along?'

'I've got the hang of them.'

'Really?'

'Well, almost.'

'Now that I believe.'

'You do go on. So when are you goin' to start the sessions with me again? I know there isn't much chance I'll ever transfer or make a fire but... I am learnin' things.'

'I can see a silver tongue runs in the family. Today,' said Zax.

Sax gave a pleased grin. 'You missed me.'

Zax returned his grin. 'Don't push your luck.'

 

'To stop Anike complaining every time she sees me how do you feel about doing some weeding?' asked Zax.

Galen wrinkled his nose.

'I know,' said Zax. 'All ten acres of it. Well, seventeen now she's got all that new seed from F4523. The trouble is, we like to eat what Anike grows. We could fit in a couple of hours before the show.'

'All right, come clean, what have you done with Zax?' asked Galen. 'And don't give me those big eyes. I've never heard you volunteer to weed before.'

'The women made notes about how much each of us do around the place. You and I didn't score very high. Hardly at all, in fact.'

'Ah,' said Galen, looking pensive.

'Exactly. So, it's new leaf time. I couldn't believe how much Eddy has been doing,' Zax added.

'You mean the Eddy who lives with four of the women planning this assault on our integrity?'

Zax's eyes widened. 'You mean...? I can't believe Eddy _cheated_.'

He looked so shocked at Eddy's perfidy that Galen began to laugh.

 

'My aching back.' Galen straightened with difficulty and viewed his green-stained hands with distaste.

'You should try kneeling,' said Zax, oblivious to the streaks of dirt embellishing his cheek.

'I did, it didn't help. I was meant to be born into a life of decadence and luxury.'

'Instead you got me. We don't seem to have done much,' said Zax, looking around.

'We've done enough. I'm hungry, let's eat.'

'We'll have to hurry, it must be almost time for the show.'

Galen checked his time piece. 'You open in thirty minutes,' he discovered.

'Shit. Bang goes the meal. You can buy me one after,' called Zax. Already in motion, he was hurdling the neat rows over which they had been toiling. He came to a halt only when Galen called out to him.

'You can transport to the theatre.'

'My clean costumes are in our room. I'll race you,' offered Zax, strolling back to him.

'What's the prize?'

'Whatever you want.' Zax's sultry-eyed survey had a predictable affect.

'You're shameless, but you're on.' Galen took off, racing down through the meadow, only momentum enabling him to keep his balance on the steep slope. He took the ford at the stream three stones at a time, giving a whoop of pleasure, his face alight with unselfconscious joy.

Zax passed him at the bottom of the second meadow, his hair streaming out behind him as he hurdled the staked peas with the ease of an adolescent, maintaining his lead until the two of them fell through the open kitchen door, squabbling breathlessly about who had won.

 

All was harmony in the large kitchen, where Eddy was busy ironing the last of Taruna's dresses, while Zax sat at the table, tinkering with a call-note.

'Ah, Zax. If you've got nothing better to do than loiter indoors on a gorgeous day like today, you can help pick the peas. It's about time you did your share of the work,' said Anike. 'You haven't done half of what Eddy's managed.'

Hunched over the dissected call-note, which was spread across the kitchen table, his tool kit open beside him, Zax gave her an absent look. 'Hello, love. Going so soon, Eddy?' he added pointedly.

Eddy collected up the last hanger. 'Things to do,' he said.

'What's the betting none of them include gardening?' said Zax.

'And the kitchen's no place to be doing that, you've got a work shed,' added Anike. 'No, you get off Eddy.'

Eddy gave Zax a smug look, dodging the swat Zax aimed in his direction, as he ambled out of the room with all the ironing he had done.

'I'm waiting for Sax.' Zax straightened, flexing his back. 'I did three hours weeding yesterday.'

'More like last week,' said Anike without rancour.

'Oh. Time flies. I'll do some more tomorrow. I promise.'

Anike met his large-eyed solemnity and, as so often in the past, was lost. 'Tie back your hair,' she said crossly, handing Zax a piece of string.

'Oh, thanks. I wondered where that had got to. You look hot. Sit down and I'll get you some juice. Is raspberry, all right?'

'Perfect. I brought in your washing. It's on the verandah.'

Zax grinned at her. 'Though I say it myself, Bob and I did a good job building that.'

'Once Eddy, Galen, Sax, Monica, Taruna and Rhian helped.'

'That, too. Though hammocks aren't all I hoped they'd be.'

'Still bruised?' asked Monica, coming in with a basket of peas in time to hear that.

'Zax was supposed to pick those,' said Anike. She took a sip of juice before offering the glass to Monica, whose face was crimson with the heat.

'We both know that's a lost cause,' said Monica.

'Have you seen Sax?' Zax asked, with what he fondly imagined was subtlety.

'He and Bob went off the see the Controller about his ideas for that mechanical digger.'

'I can forget about our session then,' said Zax philosophically.

'Why do you keep on with them?' asked Monica. 'If he hasn't created fire by now it isn't very likely he's going to.'

'He hasn't abandoned hope of being able to transport himself one day. I humour him because the concentration is doing him good, and it gives me an hour or so for some thinking of my own.'

'There are no more pupils in the offing?'

'Don't even joke about it. One's enough.'

'It's odd that we haven't heard any more about what Numbers can do. Maybe they shield themselves or something. A bit like you did with us when Bevis was around.'

'It's a thought. Oh, bugger,' said Zax with consternation. 'About that shielding,' he said weakly.

'You're not still doing it?' said Monica.

'I forgot,' he admitted. 'I dropped mine but I forgot to do the rest of you. Not that it makes any difference, of course.'

'Well, aren't you going to take it away?' asked Anike, rubbing a minor irritation at her temple.

'I just have. For everyone. Um, there's no need to mention this to Galen, is there?' Zax coaxed, charm unleashed.

'What are you up to?' asked Monica with suspicion.

'Nothing,' he said indignantly.

Monica had a particularly effective stare, which she reserved for special occasions. 'Right.'

Zax caved in under twenty seconds. 'It's just... We were having a discussion about my organisational abilities...'

'Was that after you turned up an hour late for last night's show?'

'Didn't I grovel enough,' he groaned. 'I'm repentant, remorseful...'

'Forgetful,' added Anike, struggling to keep her face straight.

'I know,' Zax conceded. 'I got caught up watching this new act. You must see them. A clown and some mime artists. Exquisite work. I'm going to have a word with them as soon as I get a night off. I've been wondering about opening the theatre in the afternoon as well. So some other acts can have a showcase. This group would certainly qualify. They deserve all the support they can get.'

'You're not afraid of the competition?' said Monica.

Zax swung her onto his lap so fast that she gave a squeak of surprise. 'Do I have cause to?' he asked silkily, swooping her back in his arms with a theatrical flourish.

She just laughed, righted herself on his lap and kissed his forehead. 

Serious for a moment, Zax studied her. 'Are you happy?'

Monica rubbed his frown lines with the side of her thumb. 'You know I love this life and everyone in it. Though if anyone had told me how much fun it would be to act as to be your assistant I would never have believed them.'

'There's no point me looking for a compliment, is there,' he recognised, the smile in his eyes betraying him.

'Not a lot. Am I too heavy for you?' Monica added wickedly.

Zax pursed his lips. 'You don't honestly imagine I'm stupid enough to answer that? I'm damned whatever I say. Galen,' he said with obvious relief.

'Did he admit it?' Galen asked Anike.

'Oh, yes. Watching that new act.'

'I knew it,' said Galen, helping himself to a pea pod.

Zax pulled a face, his hands outspread in defeat. 'All right, you got me - though don't think I won't remember your part in this,' he added to Anike. 'Be merciful.'

'I'm glad you weren't this complaisant last night,' said Galen. There was a reminiscent gleam in his eyes and a smile that was only ever for Zax.

'So am I. Where have you been?' 

'Waiting in the practice room with Sax.'

'Don't beat about the bush, just tell me I'm late.'

'Again,' said Galen. 'Come on.' He stole another pea pod on the way out, munching happily en route to the practice room, one arm around Zax.

'I'm impressed,' said Zax, when they found Sax cross-  
legged on the floor, midway through a series of relaxation exercises.

When Sax opened his mouth, Zax waved an apologetic hand. 'I'm late. I'm sorry. I'm sure all this humility must be good for me.'

'Not so's you'd notice,' said Galen dryly, making himself comfortable in his usual spot.

Zax seated himself on the opposite side of the small bundle of twigs and silence fell in the cool, spacious room.

 

'Fuckin' 'ell!'

Startled from inner contemplation, Zax looked up to see a small fire blazing on the floor between them.

'You did it,' he said weakly, this the last thing he had expected after all this time.

His fascinated gaze on the flames, Sax gave a wistful sigh. 'I wish I had. It weren't me.'

'Well, it certainly wasn't me, so...'

With one accord he and Sax turned to stare at the only other person in the room.

Galen's expression was a mixture of delight, pride and disbelief. 'I think it was me,' he said. His tone invited congratulations.

Zax opened his mouth, closed it again, then shook his head, as if to clear it.

A wide grin on his face, Sax came over to clap Galen on the shoulder. 'Bloody brilliant, mate. I expect you two'll have things to discuss.' He dashed off to tell the others the news.

'Can you put the fire out?' asked Zax, hoping he would wake up soon.

'I _think_ so.'

The flames vanished as if snuffed out by an invisible muffler.

'Bloody hell,' said Zax weakly.

'See that?' A moment later Galen was across the room, yanking Zax to his feet, and hugging him. 'It _was_ me! I thought it must have been but... That's why I've been sitting in on so many of these sessions. I didn't want to say anything because you would have thought I was crazy. Hell, I thought I was crazy, but I could feel what you've been telling Sax starting to make sense. Then today it was as if a door suddenly opened and I could walk thought it. You know?'

'I know,' said Zax, in a state of shock.

'Did you see what I did!'

Zax wondered if he should tell Galen now that he had only stopped shielding him thirty minutes ago, or wait. Cravenly, he decided to wait. Implications beginning to sink in, he took several steadying breaths.

'I should have realised you had some form of latent power when you kept complaining about sensing my energy levels. You shouldn't have been able to.' And if it had been anyone but Galen he would have investigated. He began to accept that, but for his shielding, Galen might have made this discovery several months ago.

'Does this mean I'll be able to do other things?' asked Galen, oblivious to Zax's abstraction.

'Probably.' With the presentiment he knew what Galen was going to say next, Zax slid down the wall to sit in a dejected heap.

'...might learn to transfer myself. I've always fancied the idea of being able to do it. You'll be able to teach me.' Galen's tone was that of one offering a rare treat.

Zax buried his head in his hands. He had no difficulty visualising his immediate future: Galen would take to it like a duck to water, even while he argued every point in exhaustive detail. He would have questions for which there were no answers and worst of all, he would learn to transfer, leaving him to sit and wait and worry...

'You don't seem very pleased,' recognised Galen belatedly, sitting beside him. 'You don't mind, do you?' he added hesitantly.

'Mind?' Already worried silly about the risks Galen would want to take, Zax saw the expectant look in those impossibly blue eyes and surrendered to the inevitable. 

He cupped Galen's face, kissing him once, long and deep.

'No,' he said, smiling, 'I don't mind at all. In fact I can have you starring in your own show within the month.'

Galen's look of horror was all he had hoped for.

'Sod. I thought you meant it. But who would have thought I'd ever... And at my age.' Back on his feet, Galen stared at the charred remnants of the twigs, then at Zax.

'Do it again,' said Zax. He did not bother to add that he was poised to come to Galen's rescue if it should be necessary.

Nervous now, Galen nodded and licked his dry lips. 'Right.'

There were a couple of small pieces of wood which had escaped the first fire; they began to glow orange, before flaring into life.

'You just took over,' said Galen with a certainty it didn't occur to him to question.

'I wanted to see how compatible we'd be. Can you put it out?'

Galen crouched beside it, aware the small blaze would soon die for lack of fuel. His eyes narrowing as he concentrated, the flames winked out.

Standing behind him, Zax massaged the back of Galen's neck. 'Beautifully done,' he said with satisfaction.

Galen looked up with a wry grin, and rose to his feet. 'Only just. And I'm damned if I know how I did it. I need help.'

'You have it. Anything you need, for as long as you need it.'

'Well, I know that,' said Galen impatiently. 'What I meant was, when can we get started?'

This no more than he had expected, Zax didn't even sigh. 'Now, if you're sure you want me to teach you? You know I'm not very good at this.'

'There isn't anyone else.' It was a moment before Galen appreciated why Zax had begun to laugh.

'I didn't mean that the way it sounded,' he said ruefully.

'Oh, I think you did,' said Zax, still grinning. 'At least neither of us have any illusions. Now, if I do agree to teach you, we need a few guidelines. You won't argue with me? Or lecture me about how bad I am at explaining things?'

'Of course not.' Galen sounded surprised at the thought.

Zax's mouth twitched; Galen probably believed it, too, he thought fondly.

'Anyone would think I never did anything but argue,' said Galen.

'Strange that.'

Galen sensed this was a debate he was never going to win; too happy to care, he slid his arms around Zax and began to kiss him, with some attention to detail.

 

 

THE END


End file.
